Keeping Up Appearances s03e01 Episode Script
Early Retirement
( theme music playing ) BREAKFAST'S ON THE TABLE, RICHARD! EARLY RETIREMENT.
( Hyacinth humming ) WEAR YOUR BES SUIT, DEAR.
IT IS YOUR LAST DAY.
I WANT YOU TO LOOK PARTICULARLY SMART.
AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT EVERYONE WHO GETS OFF AT EARLY RETIREMENT.
SWAGGER A BIT! PUT A BI OF SWANK ON.
I'M THE LAST PERSON TO PUT YOURSELF FORWARD, AS YOU KNOW.
BUT I DO THINK IT WON'T HURT THE NEIGHBORS TO SEE WHO'S LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET EARLY RETIREMEN ROUND HERE.
( humming resumes ) AH, YES, I THOUGH I HEARD THE MILKMAN.
HOW? I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU HEARD THE MILKMAN? YOU MUST HAVE RADAR.
NO, THANK YOU.
MY USUAL TWO PINTS AND THE OCCASIONAL YOGUR WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
OH, YES! AND ANOTHER THING, I'M STILL WAITING FOR AN ANSWER TO MY QUERY.
WHAT QUERY WAS THAT, MRS.
BUCKET? "BOUQUET.
" I WANTED YOUR SUPERIORS TO FIND OU WHICH COW MY MILK COMES FROM.
I WILL NOT HAVE MY BOTTLES COMING FROM JUST ANY OLD ANIMAL.
WE PASSED A VERY PHOTOGENIC HERD RECENTLY, GRAZING ON THE EARL OF CRAWFORD'S ESTATE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE ENSURE THAT IN FUTURE MY TWO PINTS DAILY COME FROM THEM? ALL THE MILK'S BEEN THOROUGHLY TESTED, MRS.
"BOUQUET.
" I SHOULD HOPE SO.
JUST REMEMBER THA AT LEAST TWO PINTS OF I ARE DESTINED FOR SOME VERY HIGH-QUALITY CHINA.
AND DON'T LET THEM PERSUADE YOU TO STAY ON.
BE FIRM, RICHARD.
DON'T BE PUSHED AROUND.
RICHARD! AREN'T WE FORGETTING SOMETHING? THAT'S BETTER, DEAR.
AND AS IT'S YOUR SPECIAL DAY, YOU CAN KISS ME ON THE OTHER CHEEK THIS MORNING.
GOODBYE THEN, DEAR.
OFF YOU GO.
RICHARD?! RICHARD! RICHARD'S JUST WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
IT IS HIS HOUSE, LIZ.
NO, NO, NO.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HEADING FOR WORK.
I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS WHICH WAY HE'S GOING.
HE'S BEEN ACTING STRANGELY EVER SINCE THEY GAVE HIM EARLY RETIREMENT.
I SHOULD THINK HE HAS, POOR DEVIL.
IMAGINE, ALL DAY AT HOME WITH HYACINTH EVERY DAY! I'D CALL AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.
HE JUST KISSED HYACINTH TWICE, AND WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
ANYONE WHO KISSES HYACINTH TWICE IS ENTITLED TO WALK BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
WELL, BE MORE CAREFUL IN FUTURE, RICHARD.
LOCKING ME OU LIKE THAT.
I'M SORRY, I WASN'T THINKING.
I WILL NOT HAVE YOU "NOT THINKING" IN FRON OF THE NEIGHBORS, RICHARD.
I'M JUST A LITTLE CONFUSED THIS MORNING.
- IT SEEMS SO, DEAR.
- I'M ALL RIGHT NOW.
- ARE YOU SURE? - ABSOLUTELY FINE.
RICHARD! HELLO, DEAR.
WHAT KIND OF A DAY DID YOU HAVE? RICHARD.
I THINK YOU OUGH TO WALK TO WORK TODAY, DEAR.
OH YES, I WILL.
I'LL WALK THIS MORNING.
RICHARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M WAITING UNTIL HYACINTH GOES INSIDE.
AND THEN I CAN SAFELY GO TO WORK.
OH, EMMET! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY GOOD MORNING AND DON'T STOP.
YOU THINK SO? SHE'LL SING AT ME.
SHE'LL GIVE ME BROAD HINTS THAT I OUGHT TO USE HER IN THE AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY.
AND MY WORST NIGHTMARE OF ALL, SHE'LL INVITE ME TO A CANDLELIGHT SUPPER.
OH EMMET, JUST PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
SHE'S GONE! I'M OFF.
I AM 16 GOING ON 17 FELLOWS WILL FALL IN LINE YOUR BROTHER'S VERY FIT FOR HIS AGE.
MISSED HIM, DID YOU? HE WILL BE SORRY.
I RATHER WANTED A WORD WITH HIM.
I'M SURE HE'D LOVE TO HAVE STAYED AND CHATTED.
OF COURSE HE WOULD.
YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW OFTEN HE THINKS ABOUT YOUR LITTLE CHATS.
BLESS HIM.
I KNOW HOW FOND HE IS OF ME.
I'LL CATCH HIM LATER.
DO COME IN FOR COFFEE, ELIZABETH.
N-NOW, HYACINTH? RIGHT NOW? YES, DEAR.
COME ALONG.
COULD YOU JUS GIVE ME A HAND, HYACINTH? YES, OF COURSE, DEAR.
DO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, DEAR.
SIT ANYWHERE.
EXCEPT THERE, DEAR.
I THOUGHT I MIGHT USE THAT ONE FOR A CHANGE.
YOU'LL HAVE A BEAKER, OF COURSE? YES, OF COURSE.
GOOD LORD, YES, PLEASE, A BEAKER.
IF YOU INSIST, DEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE VERY WELCOME TO MY FINE BONE CHINA.
NO, NO THANK YOU, A BEAKER.
I THINK IT'S PROBABLY BEST.
OF COURSE, I SHAN' LET YOU HAVE A BEAKER WHEN YOU COME BACK LATER FOR OUR MORE FORMAL AFTERNOON TEA.
- LATER? - WHEN YOU'VE TIDIED UP.
TIDIED UP? I'VE ALMOST FINISHED MY HOUSEWORK.
NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T MEAN THE HOUSEWORK.
I MEAN YOUR HAIR.
IT'S THE SAME AS ALWAYS.
I THOUGH YOU'D AGREE.
OF COURSE, WE SHALL HAVE TO DRESS UP A LITTLE FOR MY OTHER GUEST.
I HAVE INVITED MRS.
HENDERSON.
YOU'LL LIKE MRS.
HENDERSON! THEHENDERSONS.
THEHENDERSONS? YES, DEAR, THOSE HENDERSONS.
THE FROZEN FOOD PEOPLE.
THEY SAY HE'S A MILLIONAIRE.
AND ALL FROM DEAD CHICKENS.
OF COURSE, I'M NOT ONE TO BE IMPRESSED MERELY BY MONEY, BUT I JUS HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT HE'S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO WORK WITH HIM IN A SENIOR CAPACITY.
AND OF COURSE, MY RICHARD WOULD BE IDEALLY QUALIFIED.
FOR DEAD CHICKENS? I CAN'T SEE RICHARD BEING VERY HAPPY WITH DEAD CHICKENS.
OH, NO, DEAR, I DON'T THINK HE'D ACTUALLY BE HANDLING THEM.
NO, RICHARD WOULD WEAR A SUIT, AND DO SOMETHING EXECUTIVE.
CAN ONE DO ANYTHING EXECUTIVE WITH DEAD CHICKENS? HE'S DONE I WITH THE COUNCIL ALL THESE YEARS.
SO AS YOU CAN SEE, ELIZABETH, IT'S VERY IMPORTAN THAT WE MAKE THE RIGHT IMPRESSION ON MRS.
HENDERSON AS A FIRST STEP TOWARDS SECURING RICHARD A SUPERIOR POSITION.
POOR RICHARD! I'M SURE HE THINKS HE'S FINISHED WITH WORK ALTOGETHER.
I KNOW HOW MUCH HE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING AT HOME ALL DAY.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR? WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, DEAR, NO.
IT JUST-- YOU KNOW, IT JUST NEEDS A LITTLE SOMETHING.
LIKE WHAT? WELL, NOT THAT, DEAR.
I FOUND THESE WITH MY THINGS.
I THINK THEY MIGHT BE YOURS.
HOW DOES ONSLOW BREATHE UNDER THERE? IT BEATS ME.
DO YOU SOMETIMES FIND HIM TURNING BLUE? ONLY HIS LANGUAGE OCCASIONALLY.
ARE YOU SURE IT IS ONSLOW? IT COULD BE A TOTAL STRANGER.
NEVER HAS BEEN YET.
OH, NO, IT IS ONSLOW.
YOU'VE LOST AGAIN.
LISTEN, ROSE, IF YOU'RE GONNA START COMING IN HERE AT THE CRACK OF DAWN, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BRING BREAKFAST.
BUT YOU NEVER EA BREAKFAST.
THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE TENDS TO STAY IN BED TILL DINNERTIME.
ON PRINCIPLE.
I'VE GOT NOTHING AGAINST BREAKFAST.
I'D EAT BREAKFAS IF SOMEBODY BROUGHT IT, WOULDN'T I? IT'S NOT AGAINS MY RELIGION OR ANYTHING.
WHAT IS AGAINS YOUR RELIGION? GETTING UP BEFORE DINNERTIME.
( laughing ) I NOTICE YOU'RE STILL IN BED.
A WIFE'S PLACE IS BESIDE HER HUSBAND.
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
I SOMETIMES WONDER IF I OUGHT TO GE MARRIED AGAIN.
BUT IT PUTS SUCH A DAMPER ON YOUR LOVE LIFE.
IT FLARES UP OCCASIONALLY.
WITH HIM? I'M SURPRISED HE'S GO A FLARE LEFT IN HIM.
NOT ONLY DOESN' BRING BREAKFAST, BUT COMES IN AND INSULTS YOU.
LISTEN, WHEN THE OCCASION CALLS FOR IT, AS A LOVER, I'M STILL DYNAMITE! RATHER A SHORT FUSE THESE DAYS.
OH, NICE.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, HYACINTH.
I GET SO NERVOUS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY, DEAR.
NOW, YOU MUSTN'T WORRY, ELIZABETH.
YOU KNOW ME.
I'M NO ONE TO MAKE A FUSS.
ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? NO, OF COURSE NOT, DEAR.
UNLESS YOU'D LIKE TO WASH THE RUG.
YES, YES, I'LL WASH THE RUG.
GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY HANDS, NOT TO MENTION MY BRAIN.
I SHALL MAKE YOU ANOTHER COFFEE.
NO, NO, REALLY, I'D RATHER WASH THE RUG.
ELIZABETH, I KNOW MY DUTY.
I INVITED YOU FOR COFFEE AND COFFEE YOU SHALL HAVE.
- OH! ( gasps ) CLEAR THAT MESS UP, WILL YOU, DEAR? I'LL ANSWER THE PHONE.
IT'S PROBABLY SOMEBODY IMPORTANT.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
IT'S MY SISTER VIOLET.
THE ONE WITH THE SAUNA, AND THE SWIMMING POOL AND ROOM FOR A PONY.
THEY'VE JUST RETURNED FROM THEIR VILLA IN IBIZA-- THE ONE WITH GOLD TAPS.
I EXPECT SHE WANTS TO CHA AND TELL ME ALL ABOU THEIR HOLIDAY.
- OH, WELL! - VIOLET, I'M DYING TO HEAR ALL YOUR ADVENTURES.
HYACINTH, I'LL COME BACK LATER.
NO, NO, NO, DEAR, YOU WON'T HEAR ANYTHING A FRIEND SHOULDN'T HEAR.
RUN ALONG AND MAKE YOURSELF SOME MORE COFFEE.
WELL, NOW, VIOLET, HOW EXPENSIVELY BROWN ARE YOU? EXHAUSTED? WHY ARE YOU EXHAUSTED? OH, BRUCE HAS TAKEN UP LATIN AMERICAN BALLROOM DANCING.
BUT THAT'S WONDERFUL! SO STYLISH! YES, HE MUST LOOK VERY ELEGAN IN THOSE TIGHT TROUSERS.
YOU'RE WEARING THE TIGHT TROUSERS, BRUCE IS WEARING THE SEQUINS? JUST A MINUTE, WILL YOU, DEAR? JUST A MINUTE.
- ELIZABETH! - I'M GOING TO POP HOME AND GET SOME CARPET CLEANER.
ALL RIGHT THEN, DEAR.
BUT DON'T BOTHER TO COME BACK.
OH NO, WAIT! YOU SEE, THERE'S A SLIGHT STAIN ON THE RUG.
IS THERE? GOOD.
I'M SORRY YOU'VE GO TO RUSH, DEAR.
AND JUST AS WE WERE HAVING A JOLLY TIME MOPPING UP.
- BUT HYACINTH! - ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END.
COME BACK THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN MRS.
HENDERSON COMES.
AND WEAR SOMETHING SMAR FOR ME, DEAR.
YES, ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MY DEAR.
YES, GOODBYE.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
IT WAS RATHER IMPORTANT.
WELL, NOW, RICHARD, WE'RE ALL GONNA BE VERY SAD TO LOSE YOU, YOU OLD DOG.
I ONLY WISH THA THEY'D PENCILED ME IN FOR EARLY RETIREMENT.
THERE'S NO POINT DRAGGING OU THESE FAREWELL SCENES.
BEST TO GET THEM OVER WITH AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, I ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, GOODBYE, RICHARD OLD BOY.
THINK OF US WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE ENJOYING YOUR FREEDOM.
GOODBYE.
NOW, WHERE WAS I? I COULD COME IN THE ODD AFTERNOON.
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO.
MAKE A CLEAN BREAK.
BEST WAY, I ALWAYS THINK.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, MORNINGS WOULD BE BETTER.
INSIDE A WEEK, YOU WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT US.
CHEERIO! I'LL DO ANYTHING.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO KEEP ME AT MY OLD GRADE.
NO, LOOK.
I'M SORRY, RICHARD.
I DON'T THINK I'D BE TOO PROUD TO POP IN FOR A POTTER, IF EVER YOU NEED A GOOD POTTER.
WELL, THANK YOU, RICHARD.
MORNINGS OR AFTERNOONS.
ANDAFTERNOONS.
GOODBYE, RICHARD.
HELLO? IS THA THE PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE? WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH TO THE PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE, PLEASE? MMM-HMM, THANK YOU.
I VOW TO THEE, MY COUNTRY ALL EARTHLY THINGS-- AH, FINALLY! IT'S WORSE THAN TRYING TO GE THROUGH TO BRITISH RAIL ENQUIRIES.
IS CONFIDENTIAL, SO I WISH TO BE PUT THROUGH TO SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
THAT IS TO SAY, NOT A MINOR FUNCTIONARY.
I WILL NOT BE FOBBED OFF WITH A MINOR FUNCTIONARY.
HMM? MY NAME IS "BOUQUET.
" B-U-C-K-E-T, MM-HMM.
I TOLD YOU THE MATTER IS CONFIDENTIAL.
AND SOUL BY SOUL AND SILENTLY-- AH! HELLO! AND YOU ARE? THIRD PRIVATE SECRETARY.
WHO DOES ONE HAVE TO BE TO GET THROUGH TO TWO AND ONE? WELL, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE BUSY.
THE STATE THINGS ARE IN, SO THEY SHOULD BE.
YES, YES, YOU CAN HELP ME.
I'D LIKE A LITTLE ADVANCE INFORMATION ABOUT THE HONORS LIST.
MY HUSBAND IS RETIRING AFTER A LIFETIME OF PUBLIC SERVICE.
AND I AM ASSUMING, OF COURSE, THERE WILL BE SOMETHING FOR HIM IN THE HONORS LIST.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BLURT THESE THINGS OUT, BUT A LITTLE HIN IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
I DON'T WAN TO HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT I FROM THE NEWSPAPERS.
AS A METICULOUS HOSTESS, I'D LIKE TO BE PREPARED.
IT'S GOING TO MEAN REDECORATING FOR A START.
( phone ringing ) PHONE'S RINGING.
IT'LL BE FOR OUR ROSE.
IT'S ALWAYS FOR OUR ROSE.
WHILE YOU'RE UP ANSWERING THE PHONE, COULD YOU GET ME ANOTHER BEER? ( ringing continues ) - YES? WHO? I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR FOR THE TELEVISION.
ONSLOW! I CAN'T HEAR THE PHONE CALL FOR THE TELEVISION.
THEN TURN IT DOWN.
THAT'S THE PRACTICAL SOLUTION.
WHY IS IT WOMEN NEVER THINK PRACTICALLY? EXCUSE ME A MOMENT, BUT THERE'S A FAUL AT THIS END AND IT WON' GET OUT OF IT'S CHAIR.
AND YOU SHOULD SEE THE CHAIR.
WE USED TO HAVE A NICE SUITE THA MY SISTER GAVE US, TILL HE GO AN OFFER FOR IT.
I COULDN'T GE COMFY ON IT.
FELT LIKE SITTING ON YOUR HYACINTH.
( machine guns firing on TV ) ( TV volume decreases ) ABOUT TIME WE HAD A REMOTE.
SAVE YOU ALL THAT RUNNING ABOUT.
YOU'RE GETTING REALLY THOUGHTFUL, ONSLOW.
YOU'RE JUST AN OLD CUDDLY SOFTIE.
COME ON, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
WE DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW.
I THINK YOU'RE MAGIC, ONSLOW! WHEN YOU GET ME THAT BEER, WE'LL DRINK TO THAT.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YES, OF COURSE, I WILL.
OH, JUST A MOMENT.
TA.
OY! ( machine guns firing ) ROSE, PHONE! COMING! THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, PLAYING HARD TO GET.
IS IT ROGER? I BET IT'S ROGER.
OH GOD, IF IT'S ROGER! WHAT'S MY HAIR LIKE? ( gasps ) I CAN'T SPEAK TO HIM LIKE THIS.
- ELIZABETH! - ( gasps ) DEAR! DID YOU DROP THEM? NEVER MIND.
I NEED YOUR OPINION FOR A MOMENT.
WILL YOU COME IN, ELIZABETH? NOW? YES, DEAR, NOW.
COULD YOU JUS GIVE ME A HAND, HYACINTH? YES, OF COURSE, DEAR.
COME ALONG! I'M NOT REALLY DRESSED FOR VISITING.
AS IF THAT MATTERS BETWEEN FRIENDS.
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, DEAR.
I'M SURPRISED YOU WANT MY OPINION, HYACINTH ABOUT ANYTHING.
I SEEM TO GO TO PIECES ON THESE PREMISES.
DO YOU, DEAR? THAT'S NICE.
YOU NEVER LISTEN ANYWAY.
HAVE YOU? HOW INTERESTING.
NOW, LOOK, I WAS WONDERING IF I SHOULD PRESS MRS.
HENDERSON TO TAKE A LITTLE SHERRY WITH HER LIGHT REFRESHMENTS, OR SHALL I STICK TO TEA? AND YOU REALLY VALUE MY OPINION? CERTAINLY I DO.
WELL I THINK TEA.
NO, YOU'RE WRONG THERE, DEAR.
I THINK SHERRY.
NOW, THIS IS THE BIG TEST.
AS SOON AS I TAKE MY HANDS AWAY AND OPEN THIS DOOR, GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION, ELIZABETH.
HERE WE GO.
YOU GOT THE STAIN OU WHERE I SPIL THE COFFEE? NO, NO, NO, THE TRAY! LOOK AT THE TRAY.
MY LITTLE SELECTION OF CANAPEÃS AND THINGS TO NIBBLE.
OH, YES.
DELICIOUS? OOH, I KNEW YOU'D AGREE, DEAR.
NOW, COME ALONG.
WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOURSELF NICE FOR MRS.
HENDERSON.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT.
REALLY YOU HAVE, DEAR.
( giggling ) OH, ROGER, I'M NO THAT KIND OF GIRL! HOW LONG IS YOUR ROSE GONNA BE LYING ON THAT TELEPHONE? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? OH, THAT'S A WICKED THING TO SAY, ROGER, TO A WOMAN OF MY INEXPERIENCE.
I HOPE HE KNOWS WHA HE'S LETTING HIMSELF IN FOR, THIS POOR PRAT.
YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN IN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CONVERSATIONS.
SHE'LL ROSE HIM TO DEATH.
IT'S INHUMAN.
WELL, YES, I'LL MEET YOU IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO PUT ME UNDER ANY SORT OF PRESSURE.
WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE I COULD FOR AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU-- YOU'LL PICK ME UP? WHERE? ROGER, AS YOU KNOW, I LIVE WITH MY SISTER HYACINTH.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE ADDRESS.
( dog barking ) LET'S BEHAVE, YOU GIRL.
DON'T LET ME DOWN.
STOP IT, OLIVE! OLIVE, STOP IT! COME HERE.
- ( barking ) - DON'T SHOW ME UP! WILL YOU COME BACK HERE? NO! STEADY, STEADY, OLIVE.
OLIVE! STOP IT, OLIVE.
WILL YOU BE STEADY NOW? COME ON, STEADY THERE, OLIVE.
STOP! HERE WE ARE.
HERE NOW, OLIVE.
COME BACK! NOT THAT WAY.
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
YOU'RE IN THE WRONG WAY.
COME ON, THIS WAY, THIS WAY! GOOD DOG, THAT'S BETTER.
GOOD DOG, GOOD DOG, GOOD DOG.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, THAT'S IT.
- ( barks ) - OLIVE! OLIVE, COME ON! OLIVE! COME ALONG, OLIVE.
OLIVE! LAST CHANCE, GIRL.
YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'VE CALLED FOR ROSE.
ROSE? TELL HER IT'S ROGER.
ROSE ISN'T HERE.
PLEASE TAKE THAT THING OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY.
THING? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THIS IS A PEDIGREED THING.
WILL YOU KINDLY REMOVE IT? THIS IS A PRIVATE DRIVEWAY, AND I AM EXPECTING COMPANY AT ANY MINUTE.
COME ON, OLIVE.
WE'LL COME BACK WHEN ROSIE'S MOTHER HAS GONE AWAY.
CAN'T YOU MOVE IT? OF COURSE I CAN MOVE IT.
YOU'RE GIVING THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU CAN'T MOVE IT.
SHE GETS LIKE THIS SOMETIMES-- WHEN SHE'S UPSET.
OLIVE! YOU CAN' LEAVE HER HERE.
- I'LL BE BACK.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? THE LITTLE DOG WHO LIVES AT THE END OF THE ROAD SHE ALWAYS PLAYS WITH IN THE PARK.
SHE'LL MOVE WHEN SHE SEES HIM.
HOW LONG WILL YOU BE? I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.
IN THE MEANTIME, DON'T FEED HER.
I'VE NO INTENTION OF FEEDING HER.
GO! YOU CAN' STAY HERE.
GO! ( doorbell ringing ) HYACINTH! I'M GLAD YOU'VE CALLED.
YOU WANTED ME TO BE SMART.
DOES THIS MEE WITH YOUR APPROVAL? YES IT'S VERY NICE, DEAR.
WILL YOU GIVE ME A HAND? SOME FOOL'S LEFT HALF A CAMEL OR SOMETHING ON MY DRIVEWAY.
I WILL NOT HAVE I ON MY DRIVEWAY, WHEN MRS.
HENDERSON ARRIVES.
YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU MOVE IT DRESSED LIKE THIS? I DON'T THINK IT WILL CARE HOW YOU'RE DRESSED, DEAR.
- YOU SEE? HALF A CAMEL! - AND A MAJOR HALF.
IF WE COULD JUS GET IT INTO THE STREET.
CAN WE JUST PARK I IN THE STREET? I HAVE NO MONEY FOR A METER.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO MANAGE THIS? I THINK THE BEST THING IS IF YOU PUSH AND I'LL STEER.
JUST LET ME GE A GOOD GRIP.
PAY ATTENTION, DOG! OFF WE GO, THEN.
ARE YOU PUSHING, DEAR? I'M TRYING, HYACINTH.
THERE SEEMS TO BE AN AWFUL LOT OF DOG.
( barks ) I THINK WE'RE WINNING, DEAR.
( barking ) OOH! BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT, MRS.
HENDERSON.
OH, MRS.
HENDERSON.
DON'T WORRY, MRS.
HENDERSON.
I'M SURE SHE'LL BE BACK QUITE SOON.
( theme music playing )
( Hyacinth humming ) WEAR YOUR BES SUIT, DEAR.
IT IS YOUR LAST DAY.
I WANT YOU TO LOOK PARTICULARLY SMART.
AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT EVERYONE WHO GETS OFF AT EARLY RETIREMENT.
SWAGGER A BIT! PUT A BI OF SWANK ON.
I'M THE LAST PERSON TO PUT YOURSELF FORWARD, AS YOU KNOW.
BUT I DO THINK IT WON'T HURT THE NEIGHBORS TO SEE WHO'S LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET EARLY RETIREMEN ROUND HERE.
( humming resumes ) AH, YES, I THOUGH I HEARD THE MILKMAN.
HOW? I'D LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU HEARD THE MILKMAN? YOU MUST HAVE RADAR.
NO, THANK YOU.
MY USUAL TWO PINTS AND THE OCCASIONAL YOGUR WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
OH, YES! AND ANOTHER THING, I'M STILL WAITING FOR AN ANSWER TO MY QUERY.
WHAT QUERY WAS THAT, MRS.
BUCKET? "BOUQUET.
" I WANTED YOUR SUPERIORS TO FIND OU WHICH COW MY MILK COMES FROM.
I WILL NOT HAVE MY BOTTLES COMING FROM JUST ANY OLD ANIMAL.
WE PASSED A VERY PHOTOGENIC HERD RECENTLY, GRAZING ON THE EARL OF CRAWFORD'S ESTATE.
WOULD YOU PLEASE ENSURE THAT IN FUTURE MY TWO PINTS DAILY COME FROM THEM? ALL THE MILK'S BEEN THOROUGHLY TESTED, MRS.
"BOUQUET.
" I SHOULD HOPE SO.
JUST REMEMBER THA AT LEAST TWO PINTS OF I ARE DESTINED FOR SOME VERY HIGH-QUALITY CHINA.
AND DON'T LET THEM PERSUADE YOU TO STAY ON.
BE FIRM, RICHARD.
DON'T BE PUSHED AROUND.
RICHARD! AREN'T WE FORGETTING SOMETHING? THAT'S BETTER, DEAR.
AND AS IT'S YOUR SPECIAL DAY, YOU CAN KISS ME ON THE OTHER CHEEK THIS MORNING.
GOODBYE THEN, DEAR.
OFF YOU GO.
RICHARD?! RICHARD! RICHARD'S JUST WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
IT IS HIS HOUSE, LIZ.
NO, NO, NO.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HEADING FOR WORK.
I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS WHICH WAY HE'S GOING.
HE'S BEEN ACTING STRANGELY EVER SINCE THEY GAVE HIM EARLY RETIREMENT.
I SHOULD THINK HE HAS, POOR DEVIL.
IMAGINE, ALL DAY AT HOME WITH HYACINTH EVERY DAY! I'D CALL AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.
HE JUST KISSED HYACINTH TWICE, AND WALKED BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
ANYONE WHO KISSES HYACINTH TWICE IS ENTITLED TO WALK BACK INTO THE HOUSE.
WELL, BE MORE CAREFUL IN FUTURE, RICHARD.
LOCKING ME OU LIKE THAT.
I'M SORRY, I WASN'T THINKING.
I WILL NOT HAVE YOU "NOT THINKING" IN FRON OF THE NEIGHBORS, RICHARD.
I'M JUST A LITTLE CONFUSED THIS MORNING.
- IT SEEMS SO, DEAR.
- I'M ALL RIGHT NOW.
- ARE YOU SURE? - ABSOLUTELY FINE.
RICHARD! HELLO, DEAR.
WHAT KIND OF A DAY DID YOU HAVE? RICHARD.
I THINK YOU OUGH TO WALK TO WORK TODAY, DEAR.
OH YES, I WILL.
I'LL WALK THIS MORNING.
RICHARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M WAITING UNTIL HYACINTH GOES INSIDE.
AND THEN I CAN SAFELY GO TO WORK.
OH, EMMET! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY GOOD MORNING AND DON'T STOP.
YOU THINK SO? SHE'LL SING AT ME.
SHE'LL GIVE ME BROAD HINTS THAT I OUGHT TO USE HER IN THE AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY.
AND MY WORST NIGHTMARE OF ALL, SHE'LL INVITE ME TO A CANDLELIGHT SUPPER.
OH EMMET, JUST PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
SHE'S GONE! I'M OFF.
I AM 16 GOING ON 17 FELLOWS WILL FALL IN LINE YOUR BROTHER'S VERY FIT FOR HIS AGE.
MISSED HIM, DID YOU? HE WILL BE SORRY.
I RATHER WANTED A WORD WITH HIM.
I'M SURE HE'D LOVE TO HAVE STAYED AND CHATTED.
OF COURSE HE WOULD.
YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW OFTEN HE THINKS ABOUT YOUR LITTLE CHATS.
BLESS HIM.
I KNOW HOW FOND HE IS OF ME.
I'LL CATCH HIM LATER.
DO COME IN FOR COFFEE, ELIZABETH.
N-NOW, HYACINTH? RIGHT NOW? YES, DEAR.
COME ALONG.
COULD YOU JUS GIVE ME A HAND, HYACINTH? YES, OF COURSE, DEAR.
DO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, DEAR.
SIT ANYWHERE.
EXCEPT THERE, DEAR.
I THOUGHT I MIGHT USE THAT ONE FOR A CHANGE.
YOU'LL HAVE A BEAKER, OF COURSE? YES, OF COURSE.
GOOD LORD, YES, PLEASE, A BEAKER.
IF YOU INSIST, DEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE VERY WELCOME TO MY FINE BONE CHINA.
NO, NO THANK YOU, A BEAKER.
I THINK IT'S PROBABLY BEST.
OF COURSE, I SHAN' LET YOU HAVE A BEAKER WHEN YOU COME BACK LATER FOR OUR MORE FORMAL AFTERNOON TEA.
- LATER? - WHEN YOU'VE TIDIED UP.
TIDIED UP? I'VE ALMOST FINISHED MY HOUSEWORK.
NO, NO, NO.
I DON'T MEAN THE HOUSEWORK.
I MEAN YOUR HAIR.
IT'S THE SAME AS ALWAYS.
I THOUGH YOU'D AGREE.
OF COURSE, WE SHALL HAVE TO DRESS UP A LITTLE FOR MY OTHER GUEST.
I HAVE INVITED MRS.
HENDERSON.
YOU'LL LIKE MRS.
HENDERSON! THEHENDERSONS.
THEHENDERSONS? YES, DEAR, THOSE HENDERSONS.
THE FROZEN FOOD PEOPLE.
THEY SAY HE'S A MILLIONAIRE.
AND ALL FROM DEAD CHICKENS.
OF COURSE, I'M NOT ONE TO BE IMPRESSED MERELY BY MONEY, BUT I JUS HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT HE'S LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO WORK WITH HIM IN A SENIOR CAPACITY.
AND OF COURSE, MY RICHARD WOULD BE IDEALLY QUALIFIED.
FOR DEAD CHICKENS? I CAN'T SEE RICHARD BEING VERY HAPPY WITH DEAD CHICKENS.
OH, NO, DEAR, I DON'T THINK HE'D ACTUALLY BE HANDLING THEM.
NO, RICHARD WOULD WEAR A SUIT, AND DO SOMETHING EXECUTIVE.
CAN ONE DO ANYTHING EXECUTIVE WITH DEAD CHICKENS? HE'S DONE I WITH THE COUNCIL ALL THESE YEARS.
SO AS YOU CAN SEE, ELIZABETH, IT'S VERY IMPORTAN THAT WE MAKE THE RIGHT IMPRESSION ON MRS.
HENDERSON AS A FIRST STEP TOWARDS SECURING RICHARD A SUPERIOR POSITION.
POOR RICHARD! I'M SURE HE THINKS HE'S FINISHED WITH WORK ALTOGETHER.
I KNOW HOW MUCH HE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING AT HOME ALL DAY.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HAIR? WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG, DEAR, NO.
IT JUST-- YOU KNOW, IT JUST NEEDS A LITTLE SOMETHING.
LIKE WHAT? WELL, NOT THAT, DEAR.
I FOUND THESE WITH MY THINGS.
I THINK THEY MIGHT BE YOURS.
HOW DOES ONSLOW BREATHE UNDER THERE? IT BEATS ME.
DO YOU SOMETIMES FIND HIM TURNING BLUE? ONLY HIS LANGUAGE OCCASIONALLY.
ARE YOU SURE IT IS ONSLOW? IT COULD BE A TOTAL STRANGER.
NEVER HAS BEEN YET.
OH, NO, IT IS ONSLOW.
YOU'VE LOST AGAIN.
LISTEN, ROSE, IF YOU'RE GONNA START COMING IN HERE AT THE CRACK OF DAWN, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BRING BREAKFAST.
BUT YOU NEVER EA BREAKFAST.
THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE TENDS TO STAY IN BED TILL DINNERTIME.
ON PRINCIPLE.
I'VE GOT NOTHING AGAINST BREAKFAST.
I'D EAT BREAKFAS IF SOMEBODY BROUGHT IT, WOULDN'T I? IT'S NOT AGAINS MY RELIGION OR ANYTHING.
WHAT IS AGAINS YOUR RELIGION? GETTING UP BEFORE DINNERTIME.
( laughing ) I NOTICE YOU'RE STILL IN BED.
A WIFE'S PLACE IS BESIDE HER HUSBAND.
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
I SOMETIMES WONDER IF I OUGHT TO GE MARRIED AGAIN.
BUT IT PUTS SUCH A DAMPER ON YOUR LOVE LIFE.
IT FLARES UP OCCASIONALLY.
WITH HIM? I'M SURPRISED HE'S GO A FLARE LEFT IN HIM.
NOT ONLY DOESN' BRING BREAKFAST, BUT COMES IN AND INSULTS YOU.
LISTEN, WHEN THE OCCASION CALLS FOR IT, AS A LOVER, I'M STILL DYNAMITE! RATHER A SHORT FUSE THESE DAYS.
OH, NICE.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, HYACINTH.
I GET SO NERVOUS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY, DEAR.
NOW, YOU MUSTN'T WORRY, ELIZABETH.
YOU KNOW ME.
I'M NO ONE TO MAKE A FUSS.
ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? NO, OF COURSE NOT, DEAR.
UNLESS YOU'D LIKE TO WASH THE RUG.
YES, YES, I'LL WASH THE RUG.
GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY HANDS, NOT TO MENTION MY BRAIN.
I SHALL MAKE YOU ANOTHER COFFEE.
NO, NO, REALLY, I'D RATHER WASH THE RUG.
ELIZABETH, I KNOW MY DUTY.
I INVITED YOU FOR COFFEE AND COFFEE YOU SHALL HAVE.
- OH! ( gasps ) CLEAR THAT MESS UP, WILL YOU, DEAR? I'LL ANSWER THE PHONE.
IT'S PROBABLY SOMEBODY IMPORTANT.
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
IT'S MY SISTER VIOLET.
THE ONE WITH THE SAUNA, AND THE SWIMMING POOL AND ROOM FOR A PONY.
THEY'VE JUST RETURNED FROM THEIR VILLA IN IBIZA-- THE ONE WITH GOLD TAPS.
I EXPECT SHE WANTS TO CHA AND TELL ME ALL ABOU THEIR HOLIDAY.
- OH, WELL! - VIOLET, I'M DYING TO HEAR ALL YOUR ADVENTURES.
HYACINTH, I'LL COME BACK LATER.
NO, NO, NO, DEAR, YOU WON'T HEAR ANYTHING A FRIEND SHOULDN'T HEAR.
RUN ALONG AND MAKE YOURSELF SOME MORE COFFEE.
WELL, NOW, VIOLET, HOW EXPENSIVELY BROWN ARE YOU? EXHAUSTED? WHY ARE YOU EXHAUSTED? OH, BRUCE HAS TAKEN UP LATIN AMERICAN BALLROOM DANCING.
BUT THAT'S WONDERFUL! SO STYLISH! YES, HE MUST LOOK VERY ELEGAN IN THOSE TIGHT TROUSERS.
YOU'RE WEARING THE TIGHT TROUSERS, BRUCE IS WEARING THE SEQUINS? JUST A MINUTE, WILL YOU, DEAR? JUST A MINUTE.
- ELIZABETH! - I'M GOING TO POP HOME AND GET SOME CARPET CLEANER.
ALL RIGHT THEN, DEAR.
BUT DON'T BOTHER TO COME BACK.
OH NO, WAIT! YOU SEE, THERE'S A SLIGHT STAIN ON THE RUG.
IS THERE? GOOD.
I'M SORRY YOU'VE GO TO RUSH, DEAR.
AND JUST AS WE WERE HAVING A JOLLY TIME MOPPING UP.
- BUT HYACINTH! - ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END.
COME BACK THIS AFTERNOON, WHEN MRS.
HENDERSON COMES.
AND WEAR SOMETHING SMAR FOR ME, DEAR.
YES, ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MY DEAR.
YES, GOODBYE.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
IT WAS RATHER IMPORTANT.
WELL, NOW, RICHARD, WE'RE ALL GONNA BE VERY SAD TO LOSE YOU, YOU OLD DOG.
I ONLY WISH THA THEY'D PENCILED ME IN FOR EARLY RETIREMENT.
THERE'S NO POINT DRAGGING OU THESE FAREWELL SCENES.
BEST TO GET THEM OVER WITH AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, I ALWAYS SAY.
WELL, GOODBYE, RICHARD OLD BOY.
THINK OF US WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE ENJOYING YOUR FREEDOM.
GOODBYE.
NOW, WHERE WAS I? I COULD COME IN THE ODD AFTERNOON.
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO.
MAKE A CLEAN BREAK.
BEST WAY, I ALWAYS THINK.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, MORNINGS WOULD BE BETTER.
INSIDE A WEEK, YOU WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT US.
CHEERIO! I'LL DO ANYTHING.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO KEEP ME AT MY OLD GRADE.
NO, LOOK.
I'M SORRY, RICHARD.
I DON'T THINK I'D BE TOO PROUD TO POP IN FOR A POTTER, IF EVER YOU NEED A GOOD POTTER.
WELL, THANK YOU, RICHARD.
MORNINGS OR AFTERNOONS.
ANDAFTERNOONS.
GOODBYE, RICHARD.
HELLO? IS THA THE PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE? WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH TO THE PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE, PLEASE? MMM-HMM, THANK YOU.
I VOW TO THEE, MY COUNTRY ALL EARTHLY THINGS-- AH, FINALLY! IT'S WORSE THAN TRYING TO GE THROUGH TO BRITISH RAIL ENQUIRIES.
IS CONFIDENTIAL, SO I WISH TO BE PUT THROUGH TO SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
THAT IS TO SAY, NOT A MINOR FUNCTIONARY.
I WILL NOT BE FOBBED OFF WITH A MINOR FUNCTIONARY.
HMM? MY NAME IS "BOUQUET.
" B-U-C-K-E-T, MM-HMM.
I TOLD YOU THE MATTER IS CONFIDENTIAL.
AND SOUL BY SOUL AND SILENTLY-- AH! HELLO! AND YOU ARE? THIRD PRIVATE SECRETARY.
WHO DOES ONE HAVE TO BE TO GET THROUGH TO TWO AND ONE? WELL, I'M VERY GLAD THEY'RE BUSY.
THE STATE THINGS ARE IN, SO THEY SHOULD BE.
YES, YES, YOU CAN HELP ME.
I'D LIKE A LITTLE ADVANCE INFORMATION ABOUT THE HONORS LIST.
MY HUSBAND IS RETIRING AFTER A LIFETIME OF PUBLIC SERVICE.
AND I AM ASSUMING, OF COURSE, THERE WILL BE SOMETHING FOR HIM IN THE HONORS LIST.
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BLURT THESE THINGS OUT, BUT A LITTLE HIN IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
I DON'T WAN TO HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT I FROM THE NEWSPAPERS.
AS A METICULOUS HOSTESS, I'D LIKE TO BE PREPARED.
IT'S GOING TO MEAN REDECORATING FOR A START.
( phone ringing ) PHONE'S RINGING.
IT'LL BE FOR OUR ROSE.
IT'S ALWAYS FOR OUR ROSE.
WHILE YOU'RE UP ANSWERING THE PHONE, COULD YOU GET ME ANOTHER BEER? ( ringing continues ) - YES? WHO? I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR FOR THE TELEVISION.
ONSLOW! I CAN'T HEAR THE PHONE CALL FOR THE TELEVISION.
THEN TURN IT DOWN.
THAT'S THE PRACTICAL SOLUTION.
WHY IS IT WOMEN NEVER THINK PRACTICALLY? EXCUSE ME A MOMENT, BUT THERE'S A FAUL AT THIS END AND IT WON' GET OUT OF IT'S CHAIR.
AND YOU SHOULD SEE THE CHAIR.
WE USED TO HAVE A NICE SUITE THA MY SISTER GAVE US, TILL HE GO AN OFFER FOR IT.
I COULDN'T GE COMFY ON IT.
FELT LIKE SITTING ON YOUR HYACINTH.
( machine guns firing on TV ) ( TV volume decreases ) ABOUT TIME WE HAD A REMOTE.
SAVE YOU ALL THAT RUNNING ABOUT.
YOU'RE GETTING REALLY THOUGHTFUL, ONSLOW.
YOU'RE JUST AN OLD CUDDLY SOFTIE.
COME ON, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.
WE DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW.
I THINK YOU'RE MAGIC, ONSLOW! WHEN YOU GET ME THAT BEER, WE'LL DRINK TO THAT.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YES, OF COURSE, I WILL.
OH, JUST A MOMENT.
TA.
OY! ( machine guns firing ) ROSE, PHONE! COMING! THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, PLAYING HARD TO GET.
IS IT ROGER? I BET IT'S ROGER.
OH GOD, IF IT'S ROGER! WHAT'S MY HAIR LIKE? ( gasps ) I CAN'T SPEAK TO HIM LIKE THIS.
- ELIZABETH! - ( gasps ) DEAR! DID YOU DROP THEM? NEVER MIND.
I NEED YOUR OPINION FOR A MOMENT.
WILL YOU COME IN, ELIZABETH? NOW? YES, DEAR, NOW.
COULD YOU JUS GIVE ME A HAND, HYACINTH? YES, OF COURSE, DEAR.
COME ALONG! I'M NOT REALLY DRESSED FOR VISITING.
AS IF THAT MATTERS BETWEEN FRIENDS.
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, DEAR.
I'M SURPRISED YOU WANT MY OPINION, HYACINTH ABOUT ANYTHING.
I SEEM TO GO TO PIECES ON THESE PREMISES.
DO YOU, DEAR? THAT'S NICE.
YOU NEVER LISTEN ANYWAY.
HAVE YOU? HOW INTERESTING.
NOW, LOOK, I WAS WONDERING IF I SHOULD PRESS MRS.
HENDERSON TO TAKE A LITTLE SHERRY WITH HER LIGHT REFRESHMENTS, OR SHALL I STICK TO TEA? AND YOU REALLY VALUE MY OPINION? CERTAINLY I DO.
WELL I THINK TEA.
NO, YOU'RE WRONG THERE, DEAR.
I THINK SHERRY.
NOW, THIS IS THE BIG TEST.
AS SOON AS I TAKE MY HANDS AWAY AND OPEN THIS DOOR, GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION, ELIZABETH.
HERE WE GO.
YOU GOT THE STAIN OU WHERE I SPIL THE COFFEE? NO, NO, NO, THE TRAY! LOOK AT THE TRAY.
MY LITTLE SELECTION OF CANAPEÃS AND THINGS TO NIBBLE.
OH, YES.
DELICIOUS? OOH, I KNEW YOU'D AGREE, DEAR.
NOW, COME ALONG.
WE HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOURSELF NICE FOR MRS.
HENDERSON.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT.
REALLY YOU HAVE, DEAR.
( giggling ) OH, ROGER, I'M NO THAT KIND OF GIRL! HOW LONG IS YOUR ROSE GONNA BE LYING ON THAT TELEPHONE? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? OH, THAT'S A WICKED THING TO SAY, ROGER, TO A WOMAN OF MY INEXPERIENCE.
I HOPE HE KNOWS WHA HE'S LETTING HIMSELF IN FOR, THIS POOR PRAT.
YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN IN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CONVERSATIONS.
SHE'LL ROSE HIM TO DEATH.
IT'S INHUMAN.
WELL, YES, I'LL MEET YOU IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO PUT ME UNDER ANY SORT OF PRESSURE.
WELL, YES, I SUPPOSE I COULD FOR AN HOUR THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU-- YOU'LL PICK ME UP? WHERE? ROGER, AS YOU KNOW, I LIVE WITH MY SISTER HYACINTH.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE ADDRESS.
( dog barking ) LET'S BEHAVE, YOU GIRL.
DON'T LET ME DOWN.
STOP IT, OLIVE! OLIVE, STOP IT! COME HERE.
- ( barking ) - DON'T SHOW ME UP! WILL YOU COME BACK HERE? NO! STEADY, STEADY, OLIVE.
OLIVE! STOP IT, OLIVE.
WILL YOU BE STEADY NOW? COME ON, STEADY THERE, OLIVE.
STOP! HERE WE ARE.
HERE NOW, OLIVE.
COME BACK! NOT THAT WAY.
COME HERE.
COME HERE.
YOU'RE IN THE WRONG WAY.
COME ON, THIS WAY, THIS WAY! GOOD DOG, THAT'S BETTER.
GOOD DOG, GOOD DOG, GOOD DOG.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, THAT'S IT.
- ( barks ) - OLIVE! OLIVE, COME ON! OLIVE! COME ALONG, OLIVE.
OLIVE! LAST CHANCE, GIRL.
YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'VE CALLED FOR ROSE.
ROSE? TELL HER IT'S ROGER.
ROSE ISN'T HERE.
PLEASE TAKE THAT THING OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY.
THING? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, THIS IS A PEDIGREED THING.
WILL YOU KINDLY REMOVE IT? THIS IS A PRIVATE DRIVEWAY, AND I AM EXPECTING COMPANY AT ANY MINUTE.
COME ON, OLIVE.
WE'LL COME BACK WHEN ROSIE'S MOTHER HAS GONE AWAY.
CAN'T YOU MOVE IT? OF COURSE I CAN MOVE IT.
YOU'RE GIVING THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU CAN'T MOVE IT.
SHE GETS LIKE THIS SOMETIMES-- WHEN SHE'S UPSET.
OLIVE! YOU CAN' LEAVE HER HERE.
- I'LL BE BACK.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? THE LITTLE DOG WHO LIVES AT THE END OF THE ROAD SHE ALWAYS PLAYS WITH IN THE PARK.
SHE'LL MOVE WHEN SHE SEES HIM.
HOW LONG WILL YOU BE? I'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.
IN THE MEANTIME, DON'T FEED HER.
I'VE NO INTENTION OF FEEDING HER.
GO! YOU CAN' STAY HERE.
GO! ( doorbell ringing ) HYACINTH! I'M GLAD YOU'VE CALLED.
YOU WANTED ME TO BE SMART.
DOES THIS MEE WITH YOUR APPROVAL? YES IT'S VERY NICE, DEAR.
WILL YOU GIVE ME A HAND? SOME FOOL'S LEFT HALF A CAMEL OR SOMETHING ON MY DRIVEWAY.
I WILL NOT HAVE I ON MY DRIVEWAY, WHEN MRS.
HENDERSON ARRIVES.
YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU MOVE IT DRESSED LIKE THIS? I DON'T THINK IT WILL CARE HOW YOU'RE DRESSED, DEAR.
- YOU SEE? HALF A CAMEL! - AND A MAJOR HALF.
IF WE COULD JUS GET IT INTO THE STREET.
CAN WE JUST PARK I IN THE STREET? I HAVE NO MONEY FOR A METER.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO MANAGE THIS? I THINK THE BEST THING IS IF YOU PUSH AND I'LL STEER.
JUST LET ME GE A GOOD GRIP.
PAY ATTENTION, DOG! OFF WE GO, THEN.
ARE YOU PUSHING, DEAR? I'M TRYING, HYACINTH.
THERE SEEMS TO BE AN AWFUL LOT OF DOG.
( barks ) I THINK WE'RE WINNING, DEAR.
( barking ) OOH! BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT, MRS.
HENDERSON.
OH, MRS.
HENDERSON.
DON'T WORRY, MRS.
HENDERSON.
I'M SURE SHE'LL BE BACK QUITE SOON.
( theme music playing )