Less Than Kind (2008) s03e01 Episode Script
Fugue State
(Horn honking) SHELDON: Previously on Less Than Kind You're a fucking CLARA: They were going to hurt him.
We paid them off.
SAM: Where'd you get the money? I embezzled it.
From the driving school? (Banging) You said you'd work at the driving school for one month.
Yeah.
Uhh, that was three months ago.
What? What the hell is going on with us? I think I know but I don't know how to say it.
Try it.
I love you.
No, I just had a big snack.
And I gave myself some extra insulin.
I just had to, you know, kind of balance out the medication.
But I know what I'm doing.
He says he knows what he's doing.
You gave him a clean bill of health last time.
What? Who's been telling fibs? Aren't you going to cradle my balls and ask me to cough? Is this about Miriam? There's another guy.
And she likes him? Yeah.
I got so jealous, I couldn't see straight.
Did you just put a note in my bag? I don't know.
Why are you being so weird? I wrote her this awful note.
But he wasn't into Miriam.
Finally! And Miriam wasn't into him.
It was all in my head.
Wait, wait! Wait! I totally fucked up.
I don't mean it! 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la What are you doing here? I'm here to heighten your anxiety.
You're such a dick.
So, Miriam's coming home, huh? Is she? Yes.
Oh no.
I wrote her this awful note.
I thought you were a nice boy.
I am.
This is harsh, bro.
(Dinging) Hello, Sheldon! Hey.
Boy, I will be your sexy silk (Growling) Wow.
She seems different.
I'll be your pussycat Licking your milk right now Down, down, down Oh, a kiss can last night You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite But oh no, no no, whoa whoa, go slow Baby, don't, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Boy, you're gonna win Say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're under my skin I got butterflies within Oh, I think I like you (Gunshot) Yeah! That's my girl! Will you be my sugar rush? Make me get high with just one touch? Hi, Sheldon.
A kiss can last all night You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite But oh no, no no, whoa whoa, go slow Baby, don't (Gunshot) Yeah! Make Daddy Proud! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Boy, you're gonna win Cool.
My turn.
Josh, no! Sheldon, you're so anxious.
Butterflies within Oh, I think I love you (Sheldon whimpering) (Yelling gibberish) Ah! Shut up, Sheldon! Ow! Stop throwing shit! Well, stop making noise! I was dreaming.
Well, don't dream.
Please.
When Shandra's here, I don't sleep at all.
She snores like a pig.
I do not snore like a pig.
Yeah, you do, honey.
Well, maybe that's because I have to sleep on the floor.
Yeah, Josh, why does your girlfriend have to sleep on the floor and you get that bed? Shut up.
I have back issues.
What back issues? Issues with my back! Keep it down! Great, another reason for your mother to hate me.
Nice, Josh.
I can't believe you can sleep through that.
Sam? And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" I am not cleaning that.
Well, you never do anything.
Excuse me? I mow the lawns in summer, shovel the driveways in winter.
I help Clara hand out the flyers and posters.
I help Mom with the shopping, Dad with the company books, and I am also in a high school! So, I'm not cleaning the car just 'cause you scared the lunch out of some poor student, again.
Isn't he selfish? So selfish! I don't have time for this.
I got to get to the airport.
What's going on here? Nothing.
Josh hasn't cleaned the car yet.
What? Josh, clean the goddamn car already.
Okay, I know it's none of my business.
Why can't Sheldon do it? You know what, Shandra? You are so right.
It is none of your business.
You don't need to be rude.
Actually, I find with you, I sometimes have to be.
Excuse me? (Gagging) Damn it.
Who made this pot? Uhh, I did.
What did you do? Shit in the filter? Mom, Shandra would never do that.
Oh my God, you are so dim! Go clean the puke off the car! Thank you.
Wow.
Annie, you're in a mood.
Well, I just drank a cup of shit.
How would you feel? Okay.
Honey, I think what you need is a spa day.
A spa day? How are we going to pay for that? You stole all our money! Mom! Oh, fuck you.
You did not just go there.
I am going to work from home today.
You have a good day, Sheldon.
Hey, are you okay? Go to the airport, Sheldon.
Josh, your whole family is so immature.
You know what we should do? We should just keep driving till we run out of gas and freeze to death.
That'll show them.
We'll be dead, I'll be laughing so hard.
Your Mom hates me, Clara too, hates me.
They are never going to accept me.
Why did I ever come back to this town? It's such a trap.
Ugh, I hate my life.
Your life does suck.
Ow! My life sucks too.
I hate Winnipeg.
Then let's get out of here.
Where do you want to go? If I say it again, you're going to hit me.
Don't be a wimp.
You know I want to move to L.
A.
! Okay.
How do we do it? Are you fucking serious? 'Cause I got a plan! What's the plan? We go! Right.
But what about my job? Finish it.
We'll need the money.
So, I stay in Winnipeg? No! I'm the scout.
You're the army.
I go down first and set us up.
My friend Matt, he's got a couch.
Oh my God, I could be in L.
A.
by dinner time! The next morning, I'm already looking for our place, west of the 405 and south of the 10.
Why there? Baby, don't you want to live near the beach? Yeah, I do.
(Laughing) Ah! Ah! (Laughing) Fuck you, Winnipeg! Yeah, yeah! Fuck you! Fuck you.
What child is this who, laid to rest On Mary's lap is sleeping? Whom angels greet with anthems sweet While shepherds watch are keeping? This, this Anne? Anne Blecher? What? Didn't you hear me? Yes.
Hey, at least pretend you're glad to see me.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
It's nice to see you.
I should be going.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've haven't seen you in ages.
Let's catch up.
Oh, I don't know.
I got so much to do.
Sit.
What's the problem? Oh, no problem.
I have to get my hair done.
I'll come with.
It'll be great.
We'll spend the whole day together.
This is nice.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Annie, can I tell you something? Yeah.
You look like a crazy person.
In your pyjamas in the mall? It's kind of fantastic.
I'm not crazy.
I'm having a very bad day.
What happened? Oh Clara and I had a blow-out this morning.
Clara.
Still the bitchiest bitch in Bitchland? She said I looked like crap.
And then she said I should have a spa day! Like I can afford a spa day after she stole over $10,000 from us.
You should have called the cops on her, and tipped them to smash her face in.
Bitchiest bitch in Bitchland.
Well, good thing you came to the mall in your pyjamas.
You sure showed her.
There she is.
Now we can have some fun.
Let's get your hair done.
No, I didn't bring my wallet.
Eh, me neither.
Let's get your hair done.
Come on.
Good girl.
(Laughing) Annie! Get down here! Sheldon! (Chuckling) Josh? Josh, I can see your feet.
Get up.
What? I'm sleeping.
What the hell are you up to? What does it look like? I'm leaving.
You're going to L.
A.
? Today? For how long? Forever.
I'm moving.
Oh really? And when were you going to tell your family? I don't know.
Never.
Well, I'll call them later.
You guys are all so unbelievable, so fucking self-centred.
Except for Sheldon, you're all a bunch of assholes.
I quit.
Running out on the family business? Nice.
No.
I do not quit this business.
I quit this family.
Danny, are you sure this isn't a bad idea? Oh, stop it.
Relax.
Relax.
What if she doesn't want to see me? Stop making this about you, and Miriam.
Well, who is this about? Well, why can't it be about me? Because Miriam and I were a couple.
And I was part of that couple.
And now I'm an orphan.
Crap.
Goldstein.
Yeah, what's he doing here? He's Miriam's father.
This is going to suck.
Relax.
He's cool.
Hey, Mr.
Goldstein! No! Danny.
Nice of you to come.
Sheldon, this should be interesting.
The board says her flight's delayed.
What? It can't be.
I checked before I left home.
Excuse me.
Flight 518 from Toronto is delayed? Ah, yes.
It's delayed three hours.
So, it hasn't even left Toronto yet? Sir, the flight has been delayed to better serve you.
You guys don't have to stay.
Yeah, we tried.
Let's go.
What? Cheryl made a poster.
I'm staying.
And then what do we do? And then we'll jog down the Santa Monica pier.
Santa Monica Pier! Come back down 3rd street.
A street with a number! Wash the sweat off in the surf and then we'll fuck under lifeguard station 25.
Wow, you have really thought of everything.
I've been thinking about this for a long, long time, baby.
This is planned.
I'm going to miss you.
Thanks for this.
I love you so much.
Have you got a plan on how I'm going to get my snuggles for the next five weeks? Sure, just call someone up.
What? I understand.
You know, we're in two totally whole different countries.
Josh, I would never-- I know you would never intentionally cheat.
But accidents happen.
Accidents? See you in L.
A.
! Josh, wait! Oh my God.
(Horn honking) Oh, Jesus.
Ma'am, you cannot park here.
No.
I have to stop my boyfriend.
Ma'am, move the car! (Groaning) Shit.
Jesus Murphy.
Excuse me.
My daughter is on flight EX 518.
That flight is in the air and should be here within the hour.
I just got off the phone with my daughter.
She's not even on the plane.
We are not responsible if your daughter missed her flight.
She did not miss her flight.
Then she should not be making cell phone calls from the plane.
It interferes with the navigation systems.
We can't stay, Mr.
Goldstein.
I got a really important Halo tournament.
Yeah? I have a job interview that I've already pushed twice.
If that plane doesn't take off in the next 45 minutes, I am screwed.
Okay, bye.
Let's go.
Like this poster is going anywhere.
You can go too, Sheldon.
Seriously? Leave it, Danny.
Nick Andropopolos.
Nick Andropopolos? With the lazy eye? It was glass.
And that's why it kept changing color.
Nick Andropopolos? I know, on my sweet 16th.
You never told me? And I was your best friend.
Well, I tried to tell you.
But if you recall, you got drunk at my birthday party.
Right.
Your dad-- Oh my God! You dad was so mad at me! I think they've forgotten about us.
I can't wait.
Let's have a look.
Ooh.
(Gasping) They did a really nice job.
Honey, you look gorgeous.
This is the worst hairdo I've ever seen! What have they done to my hair? You people are crazy if you think we're going to pay for this.
Oh my God! How do I go out in public like this? Sir, excuse me.
Could you please stop that? This is an International airport.
You're an international airport.
I conceived it.
I designed it.
And I executed it.
Derrick suggested the glitter glue, but that's it.
I'll make sure Miriam knows you made the sign.
And conceived it.
Got it.
Can you please just give me a straight answer? Sir, your daughter's flight is delayed.
We don't know when it's going to take off.
And we're uncertain when it will land.
Now you know everything I know.
Is that really the best you can do? I can offer you a water voucher.
You people are unbelievable.
Sir, do not point at me.
That's assault.
You could be arrested.
You would arrest me for pointing at you? Sir, the jails are full of people who have pointed at me.
Security! Him! Mr.
Goldstein, I know you have someplace to go.
I can do this.
Yeah? Well, if I go, I'm not entirely sure that you should stay.
Do you think Miriam wants to see you? I don't know.
You know, Sheldon, I was very disappointed in you.
You could not have been more disappointed in me than I was.
Joshua "Bletcher".
Yes, sir.
What is the purpose of your trip today? Vacation, mostly, see L.
A.
, chill, see some friends.
No plans really.
You know, hang out, beach maybe, chill, maybe Disney World.
Disney World? Yeah, I got tickets.
To Disney World? Yep.
Connecting in L.
A.
? No.
Well, then how do you plan on getting to Disney World from Los Angeles? Drive? 3,000 miles? What? What? What? You do know that Disney World is in Orlando, FL, right? What? Oh, man.
They saw you coming, boy.
Sold you the wrong ticket.
Motherfuckers! That is some low shit.
Man.
Who sold you these tickets? Some motherfuckers? You got them online, right? Motherfucking Jesus.
Fuck.
That is cyberspace, Josh.
You could have got these tickets from a dog.
All right.
Okay, look, here's what you can do.
When you get to Los Angeles, there's a place called Disneyland.
It's not as big, but it's similar.
They kind of ripped off the idea.
Still, it's great.
They got Splash Mountain.
Thanks.
Welcome to the United States of America.
Enjoy Disneyland.
Thanks.
Be careful out there.
(Phone ringing) Yeah? (Buzzing) Yeah.
He's right here.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Would you come on back here, Josh? Josh, I thought we were friends.
When I said "Welcome to the United States," that was my friendly voice.
I loved that voice.
No, you don't.
I just got a tip about you.
What tip? Why don't you tell me.
Give me a clue.
Chlamydia.
There's your clue.
MR.
GOLDSTEIN: You're boarding? No, no, that's great.
So, a 5:45 landing? Honey, listen, I can't stay.
I have an interview.
But some of your friends were here.
Derrick made you a poster and everything.
But they had to go, except for Sheldon.
Uh-huh.
No, no, no! Go, board! Get on that plane, for God's sakes.
I'll see you at home.
For the cab.
And these are her keys.
Got it.
Good.
Don't blow it this time.
(Laughing) How's the new dress feel? I can run in it.
Keep that coat closed! Oh, is someone following us? No.
We did it! (Laughing) So worth it, too.
That dress is a gem! I really needed this today.
Oh, honey, it's been fun for me too.
Oh, I feel so Alive? Yeah.
(Phone ringing) Oh, I know that look.
(Phone ringing) Hello.
Well, I thought I would call you since you didn't call me.
Okay.
Don't you have anything else to say? I've been shopping all day with Mom.
With who? With Mom.
Okay, Annie, listen to me.
Just wait.
I'll be right there.
Okay.
Mom? Mom? Mom? Hey, you've been shopping.
Yeah.
What's all this talk about Mom? I know.
Mom's dead.
I am worried about you.
Well Oh God.
What? Sam's dead.
What? (Phone ringing) Sheldon Blecher.
Hi, Shandra, it's me.
Just wanted to thank you for ruining my life! You told them I had Chlamydia? Well, thanks to you, I'm trapped in Winnipeg! How could you be so selfish? Don't you know that America needs people like me? Well, you blew it for them! You cow! I hope you Oh, now you sent my brother down here? I'll fix both of you.
Sheldon! What? Did Mom send you? No.
What's wrong? Dad's dead.
What'd you say? Dad's dead.
(Crying) Taxi! I'm just a piece of light Shine Is there a place for me In your eyes? I'm just a piece of light I can't wait to be yours tonight Keep me warm From the cold outside Shine Is there a place for me? I'm just a star I'm just a piece of light In your eyes Do do do, do do do, do do do Do do do do, do do Do do do, do do do Do do do do, do do Do do do, do do do
We paid them off.
SAM: Where'd you get the money? I embezzled it.
From the driving school? (Banging) You said you'd work at the driving school for one month.
Yeah.
Uhh, that was three months ago.
What? What the hell is going on with us? I think I know but I don't know how to say it.
Try it.
I love you.
No, I just had a big snack.
And I gave myself some extra insulin.
I just had to, you know, kind of balance out the medication.
But I know what I'm doing.
He says he knows what he's doing.
You gave him a clean bill of health last time.
What? Who's been telling fibs? Aren't you going to cradle my balls and ask me to cough? Is this about Miriam? There's another guy.
And she likes him? Yeah.
I got so jealous, I couldn't see straight.
Did you just put a note in my bag? I don't know.
Why are you being so weird? I wrote her this awful note.
But he wasn't into Miriam.
Finally! And Miriam wasn't into him.
It was all in my head.
Wait, wait! Wait! I totally fucked up.
I don't mean it! 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la What are you doing here? I'm here to heighten your anxiety.
You're such a dick.
So, Miriam's coming home, huh? Is she? Yes.
Oh no.
I wrote her this awful note.
I thought you were a nice boy.
I am.
This is harsh, bro.
(Dinging) Hello, Sheldon! Hey.
Boy, I will be your sexy silk (Growling) Wow.
She seems different.
I'll be your pussycat Licking your milk right now Down, down, down Oh, a kiss can last night You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite But oh no, no no, whoa whoa, go slow Baby, don't, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Boy, you're gonna win Say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're under my skin I got butterflies within Oh, I think I like you (Gunshot) Yeah! That's my girl! Will you be my sugar rush? Make me get high with just one touch? Hi, Sheldon.
A kiss can last all night You'll have to seduce me, nibble and bite But oh no, no no, whoa whoa, go slow Baby, don't (Gunshot) Yeah! Make Daddy Proud! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Boy, you're gonna win Cool.
My turn.
Josh, no! Sheldon, you're so anxious.
Butterflies within Oh, I think I love you (Sheldon whimpering) (Yelling gibberish) Ah! Shut up, Sheldon! Ow! Stop throwing shit! Well, stop making noise! I was dreaming.
Well, don't dream.
Please.
When Shandra's here, I don't sleep at all.
She snores like a pig.
I do not snore like a pig.
Yeah, you do, honey.
Well, maybe that's because I have to sleep on the floor.
Yeah, Josh, why does your girlfriend have to sleep on the floor and you get that bed? Shut up.
I have back issues.
What back issues? Issues with my back! Keep it down! Great, another reason for your mother to hate me.
Nice, Josh.
I can't believe you can sleep through that.
Sam? And up above us all Leaning into sky Our golden business boy Will watch the north end die And sing "I love this town" Then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim: "I Hate Winnipeg" I am not cleaning that.
Well, you never do anything.
Excuse me? I mow the lawns in summer, shovel the driveways in winter.
I help Clara hand out the flyers and posters.
I help Mom with the shopping, Dad with the company books, and I am also in a high school! So, I'm not cleaning the car just 'cause you scared the lunch out of some poor student, again.
Isn't he selfish? So selfish! I don't have time for this.
I got to get to the airport.
What's going on here? Nothing.
Josh hasn't cleaned the car yet.
What? Josh, clean the goddamn car already.
Okay, I know it's none of my business.
Why can't Sheldon do it? You know what, Shandra? You are so right.
It is none of your business.
You don't need to be rude.
Actually, I find with you, I sometimes have to be.
Excuse me? (Gagging) Damn it.
Who made this pot? Uhh, I did.
What did you do? Shit in the filter? Mom, Shandra would never do that.
Oh my God, you are so dim! Go clean the puke off the car! Thank you.
Wow.
Annie, you're in a mood.
Well, I just drank a cup of shit.
How would you feel? Okay.
Honey, I think what you need is a spa day.
A spa day? How are we going to pay for that? You stole all our money! Mom! Oh, fuck you.
You did not just go there.
I am going to work from home today.
You have a good day, Sheldon.
Hey, are you okay? Go to the airport, Sheldon.
Josh, your whole family is so immature.
You know what we should do? We should just keep driving till we run out of gas and freeze to death.
That'll show them.
We'll be dead, I'll be laughing so hard.
Your Mom hates me, Clara too, hates me.
They are never going to accept me.
Why did I ever come back to this town? It's such a trap.
Ugh, I hate my life.
Your life does suck.
Ow! My life sucks too.
I hate Winnipeg.
Then let's get out of here.
Where do you want to go? If I say it again, you're going to hit me.
Don't be a wimp.
You know I want to move to L.
A.
! Okay.
How do we do it? Are you fucking serious? 'Cause I got a plan! What's the plan? We go! Right.
But what about my job? Finish it.
We'll need the money.
So, I stay in Winnipeg? No! I'm the scout.
You're the army.
I go down first and set us up.
My friend Matt, he's got a couch.
Oh my God, I could be in L.
A.
by dinner time! The next morning, I'm already looking for our place, west of the 405 and south of the 10.
Why there? Baby, don't you want to live near the beach? Yeah, I do.
(Laughing) Ah! Ah! (Laughing) Fuck you, Winnipeg! Yeah, yeah! Fuck you! Fuck you.
What child is this who, laid to rest On Mary's lap is sleeping? Whom angels greet with anthems sweet While shepherds watch are keeping? This, this Anne? Anne Blecher? What? Didn't you hear me? Yes.
Hey, at least pretend you're glad to see me.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
It's nice to see you.
I should be going.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've haven't seen you in ages.
Let's catch up.
Oh, I don't know.
I got so much to do.
Sit.
What's the problem? Oh, no problem.
I have to get my hair done.
I'll come with.
It'll be great.
We'll spend the whole day together.
This is nice.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Annie, can I tell you something? Yeah.
You look like a crazy person.
In your pyjamas in the mall? It's kind of fantastic.
I'm not crazy.
I'm having a very bad day.
What happened? Oh Clara and I had a blow-out this morning.
Clara.
Still the bitchiest bitch in Bitchland? She said I looked like crap.
And then she said I should have a spa day! Like I can afford a spa day after she stole over $10,000 from us.
You should have called the cops on her, and tipped them to smash her face in.
Bitchiest bitch in Bitchland.
Well, good thing you came to the mall in your pyjamas.
You sure showed her.
There she is.
Now we can have some fun.
Let's get your hair done.
No, I didn't bring my wallet.
Eh, me neither.
Let's get your hair done.
Come on.
Good girl.
(Laughing) Annie! Get down here! Sheldon! (Chuckling) Josh? Josh, I can see your feet.
Get up.
What? I'm sleeping.
What the hell are you up to? What does it look like? I'm leaving.
You're going to L.
A.
? Today? For how long? Forever.
I'm moving.
Oh really? And when were you going to tell your family? I don't know.
Never.
Well, I'll call them later.
You guys are all so unbelievable, so fucking self-centred.
Except for Sheldon, you're all a bunch of assholes.
I quit.
Running out on the family business? Nice.
No.
I do not quit this business.
I quit this family.
Danny, are you sure this isn't a bad idea? Oh, stop it.
Relax.
Relax.
What if she doesn't want to see me? Stop making this about you, and Miriam.
Well, who is this about? Well, why can't it be about me? Because Miriam and I were a couple.
And I was part of that couple.
And now I'm an orphan.
Crap.
Goldstein.
Yeah, what's he doing here? He's Miriam's father.
This is going to suck.
Relax.
He's cool.
Hey, Mr.
Goldstein! No! Danny.
Nice of you to come.
Sheldon, this should be interesting.
The board says her flight's delayed.
What? It can't be.
I checked before I left home.
Excuse me.
Flight 518 from Toronto is delayed? Ah, yes.
It's delayed three hours.
So, it hasn't even left Toronto yet? Sir, the flight has been delayed to better serve you.
You guys don't have to stay.
Yeah, we tried.
Let's go.
What? Cheryl made a poster.
I'm staying.
And then what do we do? And then we'll jog down the Santa Monica pier.
Santa Monica Pier! Come back down 3rd street.
A street with a number! Wash the sweat off in the surf and then we'll fuck under lifeguard station 25.
Wow, you have really thought of everything.
I've been thinking about this for a long, long time, baby.
This is planned.
I'm going to miss you.
Thanks for this.
I love you so much.
Have you got a plan on how I'm going to get my snuggles for the next five weeks? Sure, just call someone up.
What? I understand.
You know, we're in two totally whole different countries.
Josh, I would never-- I know you would never intentionally cheat.
But accidents happen.
Accidents? See you in L.
A.
! Josh, wait! Oh my God.
(Horn honking) Oh, Jesus.
Ma'am, you cannot park here.
No.
I have to stop my boyfriend.
Ma'am, move the car! (Groaning) Shit.
Jesus Murphy.
Excuse me.
My daughter is on flight EX 518.
That flight is in the air and should be here within the hour.
I just got off the phone with my daughter.
She's not even on the plane.
We are not responsible if your daughter missed her flight.
She did not miss her flight.
Then she should not be making cell phone calls from the plane.
It interferes with the navigation systems.
We can't stay, Mr.
Goldstein.
I got a really important Halo tournament.
Yeah? I have a job interview that I've already pushed twice.
If that plane doesn't take off in the next 45 minutes, I am screwed.
Okay, bye.
Let's go.
Like this poster is going anywhere.
You can go too, Sheldon.
Seriously? Leave it, Danny.
Nick Andropopolos.
Nick Andropopolos? With the lazy eye? It was glass.
And that's why it kept changing color.
Nick Andropopolos? I know, on my sweet 16th.
You never told me? And I was your best friend.
Well, I tried to tell you.
But if you recall, you got drunk at my birthday party.
Right.
Your dad-- Oh my God! You dad was so mad at me! I think they've forgotten about us.
I can't wait.
Let's have a look.
Ooh.
(Gasping) They did a really nice job.
Honey, you look gorgeous.
This is the worst hairdo I've ever seen! What have they done to my hair? You people are crazy if you think we're going to pay for this.
Oh my God! How do I go out in public like this? Sir, excuse me.
Could you please stop that? This is an International airport.
You're an international airport.
I conceived it.
I designed it.
And I executed it.
Derrick suggested the glitter glue, but that's it.
I'll make sure Miriam knows you made the sign.
And conceived it.
Got it.
Can you please just give me a straight answer? Sir, your daughter's flight is delayed.
We don't know when it's going to take off.
And we're uncertain when it will land.
Now you know everything I know.
Is that really the best you can do? I can offer you a water voucher.
You people are unbelievable.
Sir, do not point at me.
That's assault.
You could be arrested.
You would arrest me for pointing at you? Sir, the jails are full of people who have pointed at me.
Security! Him! Mr.
Goldstein, I know you have someplace to go.
I can do this.
Yeah? Well, if I go, I'm not entirely sure that you should stay.
Do you think Miriam wants to see you? I don't know.
You know, Sheldon, I was very disappointed in you.
You could not have been more disappointed in me than I was.
Joshua "Bletcher".
Yes, sir.
What is the purpose of your trip today? Vacation, mostly, see L.
A.
, chill, see some friends.
No plans really.
You know, hang out, beach maybe, chill, maybe Disney World.
Disney World? Yeah, I got tickets.
To Disney World? Yep.
Connecting in L.
A.
? No.
Well, then how do you plan on getting to Disney World from Los Angeles? Drive? 3,000 miles? What? What? What? You do know that Disney World is in Orlando, FL, right? What? Oh, man.
They saw you coming, boy.
Sold you the wrong ticket.
Motherfuckers! That is some low shit.
Man.
Who sold you these tickets? Some motherfuckers? You got them online, right? Motherfucking Jesus.
Fuck.
That is cyberspace, Josh.
You could have got these tickets from a dog.
All right.
Okay, look, here's what you can do.
When you get to Los Angeles, there's a place called Disneyland.
It's not as big, but it's similar.
They kind of ripped off the idea.
Still, it's great.
They got Splash Mountain.
Thanks.
Welcome to the United States of America.
Enjoy Disneyland.
Thanks.
Be careful out there.
(Phone ringing) Yeah? (Buzzing) Yeah.
He's right here.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Would you come on back here, Josh? Josh, I thought we were friends.
When I said "Welcome to the United States," that was my friendly voice.
I loved that voice.
No, you don't.
I just got a tip about you.
What tip? Why don't you tell me.
Give me a clue.
Chlamydia.
There's your clue.
MR.
GOLDSTEIN: You're boarding? No, no, that's great.
So, a 5:45 landing? Honey, listen, I can't stay.
I have an interview.
But some of your friends were here.
Derrick made you a poster and everything.
But they had to go, except for Sheldon.
Uh-huh.
No, no, no! Go, board! Get on that plane, for God's sakes.
I'll see you at home.
For the cab.
And these are her keys.
Got it.
Good.
Don't blow it this time.
(Laughing) How's the new dress feel? I can run in it.
Keep that coat closed! Oh, is someone following us? No.
We did it! (Laughing) So worth it, too.
That dress is a gem! I really needed this today.
Oh, honey, it's been fun for me too.
Oh, I feel so Alive? Yeah.
(Phone ringing) Oh, I know that look.
(Phone ringing) Hello.
Well, I thought I would call you since you didn't call me.
Okay.
Don't you have anything else to say? I've been shopping all day with Mom.
With who? With Mom.
Okay, Annie, listen to me.
Just wait.
I'll be right there.
Okay.
Mom? Mom? Mom? Hey, you've been shopping.
Yeah.
What's all this talk about Mom? I know.
Mom's dead.
I am worried about you.
Well Oh God.
What? Sam's dead.
What? (Phone ringing) Sheldon Blecher.
Hi, Shandra, it's me.
Just wanted to thank you for ruining my life! You told them I had Chlamydia? Well, thanks to you, I'm trapped in Winnipeg! How could you be so selfish? Don't you know that America needs people like me? Well, you blew it for them! You cow! I hope you Oh, now you sent my brother down here? I'll fix both of you.
Sheldon! What? Did Mom send you? No.
What's wrong? Dad's dead.
What'd you say? Dad's dead.
(Crying) Taxi! I'm just a piece of light Shine Is there a place for me In your eyes? I'm just a piece of light I can't wait to be yours tonight Keep me warm From the cold outside Shine Is there a place for me? I'm just a star I'm just a piece of light In your eyes Do do do, do do do, do do do Do do do do, do do Do do do, do do do Do do do do, do do Do do do, do do do