Mad Dogs (2010) s03e01 Episode Script

1 Ole, ole, ole, ole Get in the car! Who are you? I'm the man whose money you took.
He'll get done, sooner or later.
I made a call.
There's one thing nobody can escape from, it don't matter how big a master criminal you are.
The VAT man.
Well done on bringing us the money.
Welcome to Morocco.
Help! HELP! For your own sake, I suggest you answer these questions truthfully.
Why are you on this boat? That's er That's all of us going on a fishing trip.
I remember that day happy times.
You are putting a bag in the car.
What was it? Probably fishing gear.
Bax? Quinn? Tell me about this, please.
Where did you learn how to do this? What is happening here? That's that's just lads on holiday, innit? You know, things get a bit out of control.
Hello? Who's there? Hello? Who are you? Where are my friends? You all OK? They shaved me.
And they bust my new glasses.
Where are we? Said Morocco, didn't they? Yeah, I know that.
But where? Did they show you the pictures? What pictures? What do you say to 'em Rick? Nothing.
Obviously.
Don't tell them anything, all right.
Not until we get some kind of legal representation.
Someone from the embassy - Amnesty or someone.
How you gonna get in touch with them? Who are they anyway? They're some kind of militia or something, aren't they? They knew we had that money.
They picked us off.
They're probably using the money for some extremist movement.
So now we're funding terrorists.
Oh, great.
This just gets better and better.
He was wearing a shirt, with a Marks and Spencer's label on.
I saw it sticking out.
Who? My interrogator.
I mean, extremists They don't shop at M&S, do they? They might.
Shall we go and help him? Best not to get involved.
You all right, mate? It's a woman.
Serious.
It's a bird! Uh! Argh! I was just trying to see if you were OK.
I'm Quinn.
What sort of fag name is that? Dunno.
Ask my dad.
Named after my grandfather, I think.
I'm Mercedes.
Hi.
- Your dad into cars then? - Heard of the Count of Monte Cristo, dumb fuck? Yeah no yeah - fuck, I dunno, I can't remember.
Um uh Can I just ask, what's with all the rough stuff? It's what they do if you don't tell them what they want.
Who are they? A bunch of COCKSUCKERS! Come on! Do you have any idea how we might get in touch with someone from the British Government? Yeah, it's easy.
They're in there.
Eh? What? It's the Foreign Office.
Sorry.
What is this place exactly? It's off the radar.
It's where they bring people to question .
.
when they don't want anyone to know they're doing it.
Oh, great.
A week ago, I was standing in line, holding a tuna baguette, queuing up for easyJet.
Now I'm being fucking renditioned! "Dear God, please help me see danger coming my way, "and forgive the body count I will be sending your way.
" "Never pick up a dead man's gun.
" "I ".
.
heart ".
.
Bin Laden.
" Right.
We should go en masse and demand to speak to whoever's in charge and make them understand they can't just keep us here.
There's laws and protocols You think they'll care about that? They still have to abide by them.
Says who? Woody, this is our government.
Governments can't just hold us indefinitely for no reason.
What you on about? Course they can! They do it all the time.
You remember those plane spotters in Greece? You remember that? They said they were spies.
And what about Guantanamo? Nobody even knew who was in there.
Get off! Come on! What? It takes two of ya? All right? How did you end up here then, love? I was in Kabul, "love".
You in the army then? No, I went there because I like the opera.
Didn't like what I saw, so I went AWOL.
Took a long fucking walk.
Posted some things on the web.
Things I thought people should see.
Secrets? There are no secrets.
Only hidden truths.
Nah.
Just bitching about the food and the way they treat people.
Now they think I'm bloody Wikileaks.
Dickheads.
How long do they usually keep people in here for? As long as they want.
That's the point.
This place don't exist.
Therefore, you don't exist.
What did you all do anyway? Fellas, can I have a word? In private.
This could be a trick.
She could be working for them.
You not seen her face? They kicked her head in.
She's trying to scare us and then befriend us, you know.
Get us to confess everything.
You got a point.
Oi, wuss-bags.
Just ignore her.
Keep walking.
Keep walking What, you not talking to me now? I ain't the enemy.
Anyway, if I wanted info out of you, I'd just.
.
.
beat it out of you.
Get off me, you lunatic woman! Ever had a cauliflower ear, Quinn? Or a wet willy? Aaaaah! You know what Churchill said? Fuck off! "If you're going through hell, keep going".
Tough it out, guys! You can get through this.
You got each other for a start.
I'm the one all on her lonesome.
Don't see me walking around with the clown's frown.
She's got a point you know.
We've really need to stay positive.
Good idea, Woody.
Tell you what, why don't we see if they can organise basket weaving classes or something? Put our time to good use.
Only trying to help, knobhead.
Well, you're not.
Saying "cheer up, it may never happen" doesn't cut it.
So, what, do you think it's somehow harder for you, Quinn? I don't think anything, Bax.
Because I'm stuck in an illegal prison in the middle of the Sahara fucking desert.
And why am I here? Because you persuaded me that a weekend away would be "a laugh".
I persuaded you? You called me.
I've never called you, Baxter.
I've never called you because I cannot bear your incessant moaning and complaining.
Oh, right, great - thanks.
That's nice.
Great time to get that out in the open.
You told me you came because Rick persuaded you.
Yup.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Blame Rick.
Yeah, waiting for that one.
Shove it up your arse, Quinn.
You shove it up yours.
Nice toughing it out guys.
Oi, Quinnbo, you know there's no "I" in team, don't you? No.
But there's a "U" in "fuck you".
What's going on? Stop it! Get off! Get off me! No, please, I haven't done anything.
Please don't, please.
No Woods! Get your hands off him! Rick! Quinn! Stop it! Please Baxter! Bax, please Help! Get off! What's happening? Please, don't.
Let go! Where are you taking him? Leave him alone! BAX! Get your hands off him, you slags! You bastards! I watched the door all night to see if he'd come out.
Yeah, me too.
Shit, no Come on.
Let's not think the worst.
Hiya.
I think there's more grub on the side.
Just help yourself.
We've been worried sick.
You've been gone all night.
What happened? I dunno weird.
They asked me a bunch more questions and suddenly it was all, you know, tea and toast.
You should get some.
Come, please.
Oi! Is it all right if I bring my tea, chief? Sit.
Fortunately for you .
.
we're not actually interested in what you did over the last few days.
All we wanted to know was who you were financing.
We weren't financing anyone.
We were just trying to get home.
With five million euros? We have at our disposal DNA databases, forensic analysis, satellite imaging technology.
If that doesn't give us what we need, we employ enhanced interrogation techniques.
If we want to find out the truth, we do.
And now, we have.
We made a mistake.
It happens.
So You can go.
Just sign these and we'll get you to the airport and on a flight.
Hang on.
Does that mean that we can? Please don't ask if you can keep the money.
Do you want us to do anything for you, back home? Little candle-lit vigil? Coloured rubber wrist bands - "Free Mercedes".
Take care.
Mrs Peters.
101 Bridge Road, Crawley.
It's my mum.
Just let her know I'm all right.
Don't mention this, eh? You take care of yourself.
Seriously? Did you really think we were going to get out of there? Two nights in.
Nah thought that was it.
What went through your mind? Well, first of all, my kids Carmen, and then just like, stupid stuff, like I thought I'd never get to see United play again.
I kept thinking of my kids.
Kept seeing their little faces.
Then I thought about Nina.
I started to think about all the things they'd find out about me, you know, when I was dead.
And what if they stopped loving me? I wouldn't be there to tell them that that's not what I'm like.
Be honest, kid, you were worried about her finding your porno collection.
Nah, I don't know.
Things that might be misinterpreted.
You know, e-mails, receipts.
Yeah, I didn't think of that.
I wonder what people would really make of all this back home? They might wonder why four grown men went on holiday together, saying they were going to Spain and actually ending up in Morocco.
If anyone so much as mentions "bad luck", they're walking.
Be a long walk back, pal, we've been driving for nearly an hour.
Haven't seen so much as a camel.
He's gone.
He's not coming back, is he? Two stay, two go and get help.
Shouldn't we all go? Why? Or stay? We'll double our chances if we split.
Halve them you mean.
Who wants to stay? I do.
I do.
I do.
I'll go.
Come on.
You two stay here, if the driver comes back, just all stay with the car, all right? Do you believe in destiny, Bax? No.
So shut up.
Fate then? Rick, please.
No destiny, no fate, no karma, no spells, no curses.
This is just a series of misunderstandings, OK? Could have happened to anybody.
No more, no less.
Who's? Come on! Get in.
You are about to be shot, get in! Bax, get in.
Woods! Quinn! Hey! Slow down, slow down.
- We had some disturbing intel.
- Well, if it's bad news can you just lie to me? I'd like to know what's going on, please.
A covert department of the CIA, the Special Activities Division has activated a kill contract on you.
Sorry? What are you talking about? Evidently, you've intersected a line of narco-finance and Wait.
Stop.
Hang on.
All right.
Now this might be because of the sun and this whole desert, shot at scenario thing but I'm just finding it a little hard to concentrate.
Would you mind talking to me as if I'm five years old? Your man in Majorca .
.
has operated successfully for so long because he gives huge kickbacks to the American security services.
What? He's paying the CIA to protect him? Narco-finance is a major revenue stream - for American black ops.
- Like a five-year-old, please.
Dirty tricks.
Security activities they don't want people to know about.
Drugs deals have been financing dodgy US foreign policy for years.
Not really new news.
Why would they want to kill us? One of you tipped off the authorities in the UK.
A contact inside Customs and Excise.
Your man here retaliated by telling the Special Activities Division you were about to blow their op wide open.
So now they have to take you out.
No, this this is crazy.
I mean Why can't you just tell them, all right, that we're not the people that they think we are? This goes higher than us.
This kind of thing brings down governments.
Iran Contra anyone? Which is why removing you is an easy piece of damage limitation.
They can't just shoot four blokes who just happened to go on holiday together.
Under the aegis of "the global war on terror", they can shoot anyone they like.
And do.
That's who shot at us? The CIA? No.
They'd have tasked local contractors.
So nothing can be linked back to them.
You got lucky But this isn't going to go away.
OK, let's get practical, then.
So what are the options? Well, there must be something? Right Right - there may be a solution but we have to act now.
Like, this minute.
Your presence here is getting a little itchy for us.
Excuse us for the inconvenience! We may be able to get you out.
Take you to another country.
New identities.
Then what? Then I'm afraid you're on your own.
How long would this be for? Maybe for ever.
- We can never go home? - It's the only offer on the table.
No, no, no, that's That's not an option.
No.
I'm going home and If you go back, you'll be putting your families at risk as well.
That is a guarantee.
OK, let me just see if this is even logistically possible.
Stand up.
Get up.
OK.
We can do it.
We have a scrambled phone link.
You can each of you make one phone call home but you must not, under any circumstances, tell them where you are and what is happening.
Amy Yeah, I know, I'm sorry that I haven't rung.
Listen to me for a second, love.
Nina Just stop, just let me talk, darling, OK? Right There's no easy way of saying this, OK, so I'm just going to say it straight out.
I'm not coming back.
Wait, wait, wait - I don't know who to phone.
Well, I do, I want to speak to my kids, but I don't know which one to choose.
If I've only got one call, which one do I call? You can't make me choose.
I need you to phone my folks, I want you to tell them that I'm fine and everything's OK, that I'm just going to go travelling for a little bit.
Rachel, are the girls with you? Where are they? Shit I want you to tell the girls that I love them both very much I don't know how long.
I know, I'm sorry.
Just please, please Don't let them think that I've abandoned them .
.
because that is not what's happened.
I've met someone.
Oh, Amy Please, just tell the kids, OK, that it's not because of them, I'm sorry Nina.
I'm really sorry.
Dad, it's me.
Yeah, no, I know, I thought I'd be back by now as well.
No, no, everything's fine.
It's just I think I'm going to stay out here a little longer.
What? Well, what happened to your satellite dish? I can't hear you Rachel, say that again.
Take care? Er Yeah, OK.
I will.
You too.
Go back to the shop where you bought it from, right, and ask someone there to help you, they'll help you.
Well, it's just because I don't know when I'm going to be back, Dad.
Fuck No, no, you're right, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't swear.
Dad, listen to me, OK? You've been brilliant, Dad.
Yeah, just take care.
Yeah I love you, Dad.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
I know you all think it's my fault, don't you? You think it's my fault because I phoned the VAT man.
It's nobody's fault, Rick.
It's just I don't know, the universe conspiring against us or something.
And has been since we set foot in Alvo's villa.
A fly saved my life.
What? Out in the desert.
If it hadn't been for that fly, I'd have had my head blown off.
And the weird thing was, we'd met before.
We'd .
.
bonded.
Four hours now.
How far are we going? Any idea where we're going yet? Is that a don't know, or won't say? Bax? What you going to call yourself? What do you mean? Your name.
We can't use our own names right? Oh.
Hey I'm gonna be Floyd.
That's what I'm gonna call myself.
Floyd Floyd Carter.
You can't call yourself that.
Why? It's a black name.
Is it? It's like calling yourself Everton or Tyrell, or something.
You can't.
Needs to be something ordinary Tony.
Tony Smith.
My name's Tony Smith.
Why can't I be Tony Smith? You call yourself whatever you like, mate.
Sir Tony Smith if you want, mate.
We should call ourselves names that mean something.
You know, like the native Americans do.
I'll be Running Scared.
I'll be Mr Dances With Wolves.
No, I mean something Something with hope in it.
You know, like If I was a girl, I'd call myself .
.
well, Hope.
You could be Bob Hope.
New hope.
New house.
Aaron no, Adam.
Adam Newhouse.
James Kirk.
Jamie.
Jamie Kirk, then.
Blake Lin Blake Hee Ha Hatch.
Blake Hatch.
Tony Smith, Adam Newhouse, Jamie Kirk and .
.
Blake Hatch.
Hatch.
Welcome to your new fucking lives.
Where are we? South Africa.
We're on the other side of the world.
Do they speak English here? Uh I think so.
What's it like? I don't know.
This will all sort out, won't it? Eh? A week from now, we'll be in a pub in London, we'll be laughing about this.
Some rand to get you through the first few weeks.
A driving licence form and some other ID stuff you'll need to fill in.
How do we get in touch with you? You don't.
Right, OK.
- How do we keep in touch? - You won't be able to.
It's too dangerous.
Hang on a minute.
What happens if it's safe for us, if it becomes safe for us to go home, to break cover? How will we know that? As far as anyone else knows now, you don't exist.
That's your best chance of surviving.
If you want to stay alive, stay invisible.
The truth will come out though, won't it? In the end.
OK, let's go.
Say your goodbyes.
Come on, move this thing along.
Come on, people.
This isn't a secure area.
Take care of yourselves.
Woody.
Hey, we shouldn't be on our own.
Listen, I know I said some things .
.
but you boys mean a lot to me, all right? And you always will.
Quinn, Quinn, come on.
Guys, come on, we should stay together, yeah? We're a team now.
We're a team, we're like a band of brothers.
Rick, Rick all right, you'll be OK.
You'll be OK.
Right, boys Chin up.
At least we're still standing, eh? You'll be all right, Bax.
What makes you say that? You're smart.
I'm not that fucking smart.
Good luck.
Hey.
What about if just me and him, we stick together? - It'll be all right, won't it? - No.
- Listen, nobody has to know.
- It's for your own good.
You'll be all right.
I can't do this Woody.
Yes, you can.
No, I can't! You're strong, mate.
You're stronger than you think.
No, I'm not.
I'm not, Woods, I'm not strong.
I'm not strong at all.
Woods, let's not do it, yeah? You and me, we'll stay together, yeah? Woods Woody Woody, let me go with you, yeah? Please, Woody.
Woody, let me come with you, please.
Hey! You've got to be a man about it.
I've got to look after myself.
I'm not your fucking boyfriend.
Woody Woody, I don't want to be on my own! Woody, please.
Woody! Woody, mate.
Don't leave me, please.
Woody! Please, mate, don't leave me here.
Woody Woody Woody! WOODY! I know every disgraced politician, every gem smuggler, every high-stakes gambler and gold digger that come through those doors.
Why you never go away? You don't even leave Cape Town.
If you love her so much, why don't you marry her? Yeah, why don't you marry me and take me to England? Your name isn't Newhouse is it? How dare you, and how dare you try and blackmail me! Help!