Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s03e01 Episode Script

Katrina: What time is the woman from the bank getting here? Anytime now.
I've got Duncan on guard duty.
Is that wise? First impressions and all that.
Are you the lassie from London? Katrina: It'll be a relief when I don't have to do this anymore.
I'm sick of this journey.
Not to mention the poxy job at the other end of it.
Never mind, soon we'll be running the old homestead together.
That'll be great, won't it? All thanks to you.
You've handled the bank brilliantly.
Not just me.
I had your political nous behind me.
You're pulling my leg aren't you? I wouldn't mind.
( chuckles ) Sorry.
I was only joking.
- There's no other way around? - 15 miles by the hill.
( clears throat ) Look, she's here.
Good morning! Katrina: How long is she staying? Long enough to wave the white flag and hand over the check for the bridge.
I can't wait for that either.
I've had just about enough of this thing.
- Take care.
- Duncan: Chocks away! Hello, I'm Katrina Finlay.
Sorry we couldn't meet properly, but I gather you're only here for the day.
No, I'm going to be here for quite some time.
Unfortunately.
If this is how you greet your customers, Mr.
MacDonald, I can see why your business badly needs some expertise.
Welcome to Glenbogle.
Hmmm.
( theme music playing ) Hector, where are you going? Isn't it obvious? I'm off to practice my skiing.
I thought with Archie running everything now, and the two of us in our twilight years, we might spend a little more time together.
Doing what? Practicing crochet? Golf! and the only way to achieve that, I thought, - is to join the wretched club myself.
- Molly! So we could play together, driving, putting, sharing a bunker.
Molly! I've told you before.
Golf is not a game for the ladies.
It's a cruel, demanding pursuit.
It requires a lifetime of dedication, and the patience of a saint.
- A bit like being married to you then, Hector.
- Quite- ( engine whines ) So Ms.
Finlay is? My girlfriend.
I see.
Is she an employee of the estate? Not yet.
She's supply teaching in Inverness.
Just a stopgap thing.
Once we get the bridge repaired, we'll be running the estate together.
How lovely for you.
What are these? It's transport to the house.
( engine starts ) Fun isn't it? So who was the maniac who wrecked the bridge? - ( shouts ) - ( tires squeal ) Sorry, teeing off in 10 minutes.
Tally-ho.
Father, wait! That's my father.
He's a wonderful character.
Oh, how he makes us laugh.
I bet.
Ah! You're late.
I was held up by a troublesome harpy, masquerading as my wife.
But now, thank heavens, I am safe.
Gracious greens, softly undulating fairways, the reassuring hiss of a state-of-the-art sprinkler system.
Ah, yes indeed.
At least here, a chap can find a bit of peace and quiet.
( ladies laughing ) - what the- women! - ( Kilwillie groans ) My family have lived in this spot since the 14th century.
Of course, there was once a stone keep here, but the english soon burned it down after Culloden.
Mr.
MacDonald, I have seen "Braveheart.
" Now let's get down to business, shall we? Right.
Oh, mother, this is Stella from Lascelles.
My mother Molly.
- How nice.
Stella - Moon.
Stella Moon.
What a lovely name.
I'm sorry my hands are rather sticky.
I've just been milking the sap from this tree.
Why exactly? I found this recipe for homemade vodka.
Rots the guts by all accounts.
But if it helps keep the offy bill down to four figures- perhaps you'd like to wash your hands? Just my luck.
The bore has gone.
Has he? - ( gun cocks ) - A word of advice, lass, everybody lies.
It doesn't really matter because nobody listens.
( gun clinks ) - Lexie: fore.
- ( pans rattle ) Nice one, girl.
Hector: They're so slow.
What are they doing here anyway? - I thought Tuesday was Ladies' Day.
- It's Thursdays too now.
A concession of the new president, silly chump.
What do you expect when you elect a bally greengrocer to the top job.
- What are they doing? - Perhaps they can't find the green.
Never have any difficulty in locating a shop.
Ah, at last.
Can't even play the game, thus wildly inconveniencing those those people who can.
What was that? Your total indebtedness to Lascelles now stands at £475,000.
After the sadly avoidable incident at the bridge, you applied for a further £100,000 loan in order to repair it.
You calculated that the bank would eventually realize that the only way it was going to get its cash back was by giving you more.
You were right.
We have.
the bridge will be repaired.
That's great.
So you're here to- hand over the check, yes.
In fact, I have it here.
And I'm authorized to give it to you.
Fantastic.
Thank you very much.
- On one condition.
- Condition? The bank is only prepared to help the estate trade its way out of its problems - if you take a back seat.
- What? I'm taking over.
With immediate effect.
( whistling ) Ah! Found it.
It went in the stream.
No, no, it didn't, no.
Match play four.
My ball, see? Really? And did an obliging salmon spit it out onto the fairway? Are you accusing me of cheating? President: It went in the pond.
I saw it with my own eyes.
And that's a one-stroke penalty.
And get a move on.
You're holding the ladies back.
Little Hitler, get back to your fruit and veg.
What's he know about golf? ( choking ) ( Hector laughing ) Look.
He's driven straight into the rough.
And the water.
Oh.
Hold on a minute.
You can't do this.
I have sweated blood for this place, given it absolutely everything.
Just like the bank.
We've given you time, opportunity, and not an inconsiderable sum of money.
And I was making it work.
We had one piece of bad luck.
It's not about luck.
It's about expertise.
You evidently don't have either.
And you do? What do you know about running a highland estate? It's a failing business.
The principles are the same, whether it's a burger shop a bra factory or a brothel.
- Inputs and outputs.
- It's a business yes, it's also a home, a community, and I know it better than anyone.
I was born here.
I grew up here.
it is my life.
Passion - such a wonderful thing.
In its right place.
- Do we have a deal? - No, we do not.
I cannot, I will not accept.
Then let me give you some advice.
This isn't a game of rugger, Mr.
MacDonald.
It's a business.
Why not leave it to the experts? Please have the books ready for my inspection first thing tomorrow.
You're back early, Hector.
Feeling below par, are we? The president is dead.
Oh, dear, poor man.
Was he assassinated? The president of the golf club.
- Oh.
- We have to elect a successor immediately.
The king is dead and all that.
I'm thinking of allowing my name to go forward.
- You? - Oh, yes.
When the call of destiny is heard one cannot turn a blind eye.
If you become president of the golf club you'll never be away from the place.
I shall never see you at all.
There'll be responsibilities, of course.
Perks too.
That little golf buggy for a start.
I think I'll call it- the Hector mobile.
( Hector chuckles ) ( laughs majestically ) ( rings ) - Hello.
- Hi, Archie, it's me.
Hi, sweetheart.
How are you? Listen, I've just had a call from Mary McBride.
- Mary who? - you know, the M.
P.
She chaired the working party on land reform I was on.
- Oh, yeah? - She's in Inverness for the evening and she's asked me out to dinner.
do you mind? - No, of course not.
- How is the lady with the check? - Is she gone yet? - yep.
I mean not exactly.
I hope you were gentle on her, Archie.
I tried my very best.
- Bye.
- Bye, have fun.
So, stopping long are you? - Maybe.
- Great.
Have you got a boyfriend? Duncan - it is Duncan, isn't it? At your service.
Any time of the day- or night.
Actually, there is something you can do for me- Duncan.
Can you get me across the zambezi some other way? Where are you staying, Stella? Some pokey little B & B.
The woman sounded very strange on the phone.
Oh, who is it? Miss Elizabeth Logan.
That's my auntie Liz.
She's smart as a box of frogs.
( humming ) "Hector Naismith MacDonald presidential campaign strategy.
" ( clock chimes ) "One-" "get votes.
" - Dear boy.
- Ah, Kilwillie, what a wonderful surprise.
Come in, come in, my dear fellow.
Can I tempt you to a tincture? I thought we might try this.
It's my distillery's new line.
Splendid, you're a generous old mucker, you know that.
Oh, Hector, I should be thanking you, all the help and support you given me over the years.
Please, don't speak of it.
What are pals for? - Indeed.
- ( Hector laughs ) - Both: Speaking of which- - sorry.
- No, you first.
- Please, you're my guest.
That's very kind.
It's about the presidency.
Ah, very glad you raised the matter.
- It's a crucial appointment.
- Yes.
Especially now that our sacred greens are being invaded by alien females.
Yes, Hector.
Yes, hole in one.
That's it.
- So- - so vital that the right man gets the job this time.
And I think we both know who that is, don't we? Well, I think we do.
- ( Hector laughs ) - Thank you, Hector.
Your support for my candidacy will be invaluable.
Absolute- your candidacy?! I'd rather help a rabid dog to become president- you haven't a hope in hades, you know? - Or a baboon with profound learning difficulties.
You can't even play the bally game.
Or a woman! You'd struggle with the crazy golf on the promenade at Franklin-On-Sea.
Get off my land- before I take a sand wedge to your unfortunate anatomy.
You'll regret this, Hector.
Just mark my perfectly enunciated words.
The last time I saw a face like yours, - a midwife was slapping it.
- Oh, shut up! ( Hector snarls, blows raspberry ) Arch, you've hardly touched your dinner.
Dafty.
I'm sorry about that Stella woman.
So unfeeling, yeah? I just wanted to tell her to go and jump in the loch, but I couldn't.
You could have, in a nice Archie-type way.
Anyway, I think she's bluffing.
- Do you? - Testing you out.
Seeing how determined you are to get through it, if you were to roll with the first sign of pressure.
- So if I tough it out? - She'll back down.
Isn't that what Molly and Hector think? I haven't told them.
I want them to enjoy their retirement together quietly, without upset.
And Katrina? I haven't told her either.
She's out talking politics tonight.
Mmmm, nice for her.
You'll think over what I said? Mary, I'm really flattered, but there's nothing to think over.
You'd rather be a laird's wife? It's not like that.
He's not like that.
- We're not married.
- Okay, I don't know the man.
He might be St.
Francis of Assisi.
Or he might be Saddam Hussein.
But consider this, what you seem to be proposing, smart, funny, talented girl that you are, is not having a career of your own.
No, more than that, not having a life of your own.
I need someone like you to keep me in touch with how things really are.
We could be a great team.
It'd only be the beginning for you, believe me.
- But there's- - think it over.
And remember, your country needs you.
( Molly disguises voice ) Meet me at the sawmill at 10:00 a.
m.
And you will hear something to your advantage.
I'll be the willowy mysterious creature.
Carrying a rolled up copy of "the Strathbogle Gazette.
" ( hangs up phone ) - Katrina: she has got to be joking.
- I don't think so.
I'm going over there now to set her straight.
Don't bother, I'll talk to her in the morning.
Anyway, it's my fight.
I mean- it's me she wants to demote.
But it's so unfair after everything you've done.
And that's our plans wrecked just like that? - No, they're not.
- Really? How are we going to run the place if she's in charge? It's never gonna happen, as Miss Moon will discover.
She's come up here with nothing more than a bag of hot air.
- And I am going to puncture it.
- You are? Yes.
- So come here and tell me your news.
- What news? You said you had some news.
Mary McBride-type news.
Oh that, that doesn't matter.
It's not important.
Who is there? Good morning, Kilwillie.
Molly? I expect you're wondering why I asked you to meet me here.
It had crossed my mind, leaving a rather tantalizing vapor trail behind it.
I hope I haven't dragged you away from important business? My dear girl, of course not.
Even if you have, tish and pish who cares.
- It's only this wretched- - golf club nonsense.
Indeed, it's a silly, piffling business compared to the global strategy of Kilwillie Enterprises, Inc.
But do you know, somehow I cannot get my rotund little head around it.
Your presidential election strategy- exactement.
That's the thing.
And a very ticklish thing it is.
Perhaps you need a presidential election strategist.
I suppose I do.
But where on earth am I to find such a person? I don't imagine they grow on trees, especially in Glenbogle.
I don't know, Kilwillie.
Sometimes you find things where you least expect them.
You don't mean- no, you wouldn't.
( giggles ) You'd never work against Hector's interests, would you? Oh, my dear man, whatever gave you that idea? It's just that living here, golly, one remains an innocent, unversed in politics and the sordid realities of the world.
Whereas? Whereas, you golly, are a veritable thug in tweeds.
Thank you very much, Hector.
I love you too.
What I mean is, you have- a chilling flair for when and where to stick the dirk in.
And this time, Kilwillie's the hit, right? Indeed.
Send him to sleep with the fishes, golly.
- Electorally speaking, of course.
- Okay, boss.
- Excellent.
- Ummm what do I get out of it? What- what-? Thank you, boss.
The answer is no.
- I see.
- I simply can't see what advantage would be gained for this estate or indeed the bank, - by you taking over from me.
- Uh-huh.
I'm sorry, but I think I have a greater knowledge and experience.
I believe I am the only person who can put this place back on its feet.
Right.
With all due respect and no offense intended.
Fine.
Then I can do no more here.
For the present.
How did it go? Fine.
- Did you tell her? - I most certainly did.
See, I knew it would work.
Good on you, Arch.
Lex, sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do.
Now then, Duncan, have you got any lengths of two by two? Don't despair, Kilwillie, I think I can see a way.
Molly, can you? The smaller the electorate, the more susceptible - they are to pressure.
- I'm not sure I could- the Reverend Snoddy - exceedingly fond of the sauce.
Send him a crate of wine.
You know McSween who runs the hardware store? His wife's the most terrible snob.
- Invite them to dinner.
- Oh, I see.
And the rear admiral, you remember, he once accused Hector of cheating at canasta.
- This is going to be fun, isn't it? - Molly, can an admiring and deeply grateful fellow, give you a kiss? Let's go oil the wheels of democracy first, shall we? And then said deeply grateful fellow can offer a girl a morsel of recompense.
You see, Kilwillie's virtually a new boy.
I've known these lads for years.
McCloud, Arnatt, Old Shuggs all of them.
now I'm- quietly confident of my reputation.
However confident you are, Hector, I think you better check these laddies out.
Just to be on the safe side.
Very well.
Meanwhile, I shall press the flesh in person.
- Where are you going? - 19th hole, ultimately.
Tally-ho! ( coins clinking ) Lexie: This is from my holiday fund.
I'll pay you back.
I just need some petrol money.
All right, that's 5.
25, two Irish pence, and 250 drachmas.
Arch- you did get the check off of Stella, didn't you? The check.
Okay, what are you doing? You rejected plan A, this is plan B.
There is no plan C.
You can't just- Duncan, will you stop that? You'll never sell the place with the bridge in that state.
First, we'll declare you bankrupt.
Then we'll have the bridge repaired.
- Then sell the estate- - yes, but- all very regrettable, of course.
But as you rejected our very generous offer- tough.
Okay.
I'm sorry, did you say something? You win.
I'll never sell Glenbogle.
- Will you just tell me what happened? - What happened? I'll tell you what happened.
I took your advice.
- Just about the biggest mistake of my life! - What? I've no idea how horrendous the consequences will be, or how I'm going to live with them.
But hey, that's what you get for being stupid enough to listen to you, Alexandra.
Archie, just listen to me! I was only trying- Katrina wasn't here and you seemed quite low.
- Look, Lexie- - you've disappointed me.
You really have.
You're an ungrateful, unfeeling- ughh! Lexie! So Mr.
MacDonald, how exactly would you characterize the state of industrial relations here at Glenbogle? Whew! Golly: I'm telling you someone is nobbling the committee.
You see old chap, you're a Scot, and therefore a pessimist of the most lugubrious kind.
I can tell by their voices on the phone.
- From what they said? - What they didn't say.
From the- what do you call it- the subtext.
- Subtext? - Look, look.
What did I tell you? So Old Shuggs is having a rockery laid.
That's all- what? you're right.
There he is.
Brazen! Old Shuggs isn't interested in gardening.
But Ma Shuggs is.
Alpines, especially.
See Hector, she wears the trousers, right? So he keeps her happy with the flowers, that way he gets to spend more time with a five iron in his fist.
- Cunning! - Hmmm.
Too cunning for Kilwillie though.
I think there's a superior intelligence at work, golly.
I'm a bit confused by some of these cash-flow projections.
Perhaps you can enlighten me? I'm not sure I can.
It's Katrina's territory.
Ah yes, the girlfriend.
Better ask her then.
You might like to look at this.
If you can follow it.
My recovery strategy.
The executive summary is at the front.
Hmmm.
We need to talk about exactly how we're going to manage this.
We? Mr.
MacDonald, this business is deeper in debt than when you arrived, its income lower, its infrastructure literally crumbling.
- That is unfair.
- You don't understand basic accountancy.
You can't manage staff.
If you want to be helpful, take a long holiday.
- Look- - you are the weakest link.
Goodbye.
Between us, Katrina and I have all the necessary hands-on skills.
I hope she's got very long arms.
- Eh? - She's off to Westminster.
This fax came through.
I thought it was for me from the bank.
Something to do with a new job.
I'm sorry.
She didn't tell you? Golly: According to my canvassing, he has three votes in the bag.
Sheer bribery, been showering the glen with largess like manure from a muckspitter.
You've held on to three votes yourself.
- Good lads.
- The infirm, the insane and the insensible.
Please, still makes three! Who has the casting vote? One Robert McFadden.
Bobby! Marvelous chap.
Ha! Is he still alive? ( knife peeling ) I'm sorry.
So you should be.
Stella's right.
Maybe it is time you had a new boss.
Is it that bad? It's not bad.
It utterly catastrophic.
Will you do me a favor and get everyone together? I don't think I can say this more than once.
Look, don't punish yourself.
It's only a job.
You've still got your mates, and Katrina.
- ( man snoring ) - Hector: Ouch! shhh.
If we can tie old Bobby up, metaphorically speaking- tomorrow we'll be celebrating your inauguration.
Exactly.
( laughs ) Bobby, wake up, old man.
I have something of great import to impart to you.
Nurse: Can I help you? Visitors are asked to check in at reception.
This is a nursing home, not a training ground for aging S.
A.
S.
Operatives.
Oh.
( chuckles ) We though we'd give the old chap a surprise.
I'm Bobby's son.
No, you're not.
You're Hector MacDonald.
Your vehicle once ran over my foot when you mounted the cab at the Masonic Hall.
You were in drink.
- Hello, golly.
- Marion.
Mr.
McFadden's real son was here a short while ago.
A most charming man.
A most generous man.
He made a substantial donation to the staff's Christmas fund.
Donation? I have the whiff of rodent in my nostrils, golly.
His wife was charming too, the acme of elegance.
Kilwillie with a woman? What was she like? Perfidious woman! You have stabbed me to the quick.
Snuffed out my hopes.
Oh, treachery.
Molly: Do be quiet, Hector.
It's a golf club we're talking about, not the throne of Scotland.
Archie: Can I have some quiet, please? I have something to tell you all.
What is it? - It looks like I am going to be leaving you.
- But why? It's the only way the bank can be stopped from pulling out and bringing the whole place down.
I have made my case to Stella but she won't be moved and ultimately, she has the whip hand.
This can't happen, Arch.
It's either me or the estate.
So that's it.
I am out.
Archie? What is it? Archie, I'm so sorry.
What are you going to do? I have absolutely no idea.
Maybe I'll come to London with you.
This came for you.
- I know what you're thinking.
- Congratulations.
The job you've always dreamed of.
Why didn't you tell me? Because I had no intention of taking it.
That's not what Mary McBride thinks.
"I know that you really want to grab this opportunity with both hands and I can't wait to begin what I'm sure will be a great partnership.
" I thought we had a great partnership.
Archie, will you just shut up? She's trying to persuade me to take the job.
You need to be persuaded? A few months ago, I would have bitten her hand off, but not now.
I've got everything I want right here.
Yeah? Did you think I was going to leave you and go to London? Especially now? Okay.
So, what did she say when you finally turned her down? I haven't actually told her yet.
You're still thinking about it? Yeah- well, no.
Archie, stop it.
All that I have worked for this last year, all that I have fought for, have been the two things that I care about most: This place and us.
I'm wondering now why I bothered.
You have no faith in me, do you? No trust.
First sign of trouble and you just write me off.
Thanks, Archie.
( knocking on door ) Lexie: Molly? We can't let this happen.
Duncan! Dun-can! Whew.
( giggles ) Get in there, girl.
Duncan: This is not right.
Whose side are you on? Don't answer that.
Lovesick bampole.
Dun-can! We haven't got permission from the escape committee.
But I'm sure you'll enjoy a little excursion, eh, Bobby? Oh dear.
Especially in the noble cause of democracy.
( chuckles ) Hey! Bobby: Oh dear.
Kilwillie: I'm sure you're going to enjoy your day out.
( Bobby mumbles fearfully ) Have you ever traveled in one of these things, Bobby? - Rather marvelous beasts - Bobby: Oh! oh! Kilwillie: I'm afraid it'll put that thing of yours to shame, what? Hector! Ahh! Hello again.
I've never actually encountered a stalker before, but on the basis of what I've heard, this is a pretty weird obsession.
Ohh, give us a break.
Lexie? ( clicking ) Oh, yes.
So? Lexie: You might be wondering why we put on this pantomime.
- A bit of a laugh at my expense? - Molly: nothing so childish.
Oh here, dear.
You must be cold.
- Thank you, Molly.
- We thought we'd give you a little taste of what it'd be like if you carry on with this foolishness.
Golly: It's not just the house.
It's 39,000 acres of forest, moor, and mountain that needs looking after.
- You mean? - If Archie goes we all go.
( door opens ) Archie: hi.
Just packing up some stuff.
Look, I'm sorry about last night.
I said some things I shouldn't have.
I can only plead mitigating circumstances.
But you know, rows are sometimes good for relationships.
You come through them a stronger and better couple.
- Cobblers.
- What? This document of hers- the assumptions behind some of the figures, they just seem- is this hers? Let's have a squint.
- Katrina, you can't.
- What's she gonna do? Sue me for industrial espionage? Right, so if you'll excuse me, I have things to do.
Before I go, - I've got one thing to say to you- - yes? I know you.
You need to win.
But just reflect on this, lass, you can't have everything.
I mean if you did, where would you put it? Molly: You must see, dear, this stand of ours, anything else wouldn't be right.
Hector: You do the dirty on my boy and you're history, Miss Goon.
Moon! You too, Duncan? Well- aye, afraid so.
You see, Stella, anyone who knows anything about Archie knows what a difference he's made around here.
His flair, his energies, ability to get the best out of people- oh, yeah? Fancy him, do you? Archie: Good morning.
How is life at the cutting edge of management theory? You just missed the worker's revolt- - you go, they go, apparently.
- thanks, everyone, but please, don't throw away your futures on my account.
I have plenty of other irons in the fire.
Yes, it would be a shame, but it's not the end of the world.
- they can all be replaced.
- yes, so I read- at a cost more or less equal to the national debt of Bolivia.
Get to the point, Mr.
MacDonald.
The thing is, the coup d'etat may have been a total success, and I congratulate you, but I do think the new regime may not last very long, if this is anything to go by.
Would you all leave Archie and me for a moment, please? Katrina stays, she's part of this.
Okay, whatcha got? Your figures are all up the Swanee.
- No, they're not.
- not just wages, or the estimates for supplies, food, gift shop items, even loo rolls- all way over the top.
I can defend everything.
They're perfectly reasonable.
They would be if you made them in an office in London, but not for up here.
They're way too high, which is why you've had to inflate the income targets to match the budget.
And you'll never meet them.
You won't last a year.
Do you want to know - what I'd do with this? - ( papers drop ) So you think you can do better, do you? I didn't say that.
I'm sure you have many excellent qualities.
Local knowledge isn't one of them.
Well maybe there's a way of synthesizing my approach with yours.
Last evening, sitting after dinner, a glass of armagnac at my elbow, musing about what I was going to say to you lot today, I started to think about the relationship between a president and his people.
And I was suddenly struck by the curious parallels between my own life and that of Nelson Mandela.
We were both imprisoned for many years in the struggle for liberation.
In my case, from my late wife, - a woman of uncertain temper.
- ( door opens ) Mr.
Mandela is known through out Africa simply as "The Father.
" And perhaps you could come to think of me like that.
As you sip these libations provided at cost, by Kilwillie Distilleries and Ales Limited.
Or when you enjoy a subsidized trip to the next open championship, maybe you could just raise a glass and say- ( snoring ) "Thank you, daddy.
" Eh, Bobby? Uh? Archie: I'm sorry.
You'll have to put up with me for a little bit longer.
- ( laughing ) - What did she say? We'll work together.
Under her overall authority.
But the bridge will be repaired and we can get going again.
She's in charge and you're the underling? It's not gonna be easy.
In fact, it's probably gonna be a nightmare, but I really want to push ahead with everything we've planned and win it all back.
I see your strategy.
Long game, secret war.
We shall fight her on the beaches, we shall fight her in the hills- - and in the kitchens.
- We shall never surrender.
Come on, Hector, you have a public statement to make.
Hector: More fun than running a golf club.
- You can count on me, boy.
- Duncan: Lexie? Are we allowed to like her as well as fight her? Oh, shut up.
Well done, Arch.
( Kilwillie sighs ) Typical.
Can't even be bothered to turn up.
But we do have his address.
Perhaps golly would like to entertain us with it.
I think we just better wait for himself.
Come on, golly, you're not afraid to stand on your own two feet? All right.
( paper rustles ) Right.
"From an early age I have been destined to bear the burden of command.
In the nursery, my governess, quint, a sturdy female who had worked for many years in a women's prison, instilled, by the force of her considerable personality, in keen appreciation of order and discipline.
" Ah ha, my worthy opponent.
Sorry, I just dropped round to say I'm pulling out.
Yes! Pressing estate business.
Terribly sorry.
Best man wins and all that.
I couldn't compete with you, Kilwillie.
What a generous fellow you are.
Archie: I'd never have done it without you.
Katrina: Yes, you would.
Maybe in a different way.
What am I going to do, Archie? You think I should take the job, don't you? I don't know.
Honestly, I don't.
Well, I'm not.
I'm staying here with you.
Good.
I mean you're my man.
It's just a job, right? Well, a career.
What are you thinking? I'm just taking it all in.
I know it's the kind of job you've dreamed of.
Giving it up for me, it makes me feel- I don't know.
it makes me think how lucky I am.
So? I'm thinking of the future too, about us in a year, you still supply teaching, traveling to Inverness everyday.
Or being Mrs.
Laird- opening sports days and church fetes.
I'm wondering if you'll still feel the same then.
Don't say that.
it sounds like you want me to go.
No, I don't.
Believe me, I don't.
But you really want that job.
- It's so unfair.
- what? You spend your life looking for the person that's perfect for you in every way.
And then you find them, and it's wonderful for a short time and then- and then the world tells you you can't have her.
Oh, Archie, what are we gonna do? Do you think it could work? You here and me down there? You've already had one long distance relationship.
Yeah, I've had that.
What do you think? I feel like something's quietly dying.
Is that it then? Hector: Costly business politics, eh, Kilwillie? Are you sure this is right? Take it then.
( cheering ) - Kilwillie! - Molly.
The girls and I congratulate you on your great victory.
And we so look forward to working with you as you bend to the task of delivering your solemn commitments.
- My what? - Ensuring that our management committee represents all the members and not just the old dinosaurs, regardless of age and gender.
Putting and end to such patronizing concepts as ladies' days.
- I don't know if I can- - and all the other conditions I imposed on you when you asked me to help you cheat, bully and bribe your way to the top.
But if you want to wriggle out of them, I'm sure your voters will be most interested to hear of your electoral malpractices.
Well, of course I managed it.
Yeah, the old trick.
I got him to cooperate by threatening with something much worse.
Yeah, I soon got him kicked into line.
He's a toff.
They don't like it up them, do they? Thank you, very much.
Bye.
- ( rope snaps ) - Oh my god.
Oh.
Duncan! Dun-can! No, leave her be.
That one needs to learn the first rule of life up here.
What's that? Come into this world, naked, wet and cold- all right.
And then things really get bad.
Duncan.
Dun-can! Duncan! ( theme music playing )