No Offence (2015) s03e01 Episode Script

There's a storm in a far right teacup brewing here.
How old is he? Supposed to be a full moon tonight and I've got my knickers on back to front.
They're usually both bad omens.
Ma'am, this isn't some sort of neo-Nazi fetish picnic.
This is a lynch mob.
If you don't authorise some backup, you can tell the mayor that I'm billing him for a water cannon.
Thank you, ma'am.
- Jesus, Spike.
- Ma'am, we're still waiting on the mayor.
You sure you don't want to take him in round the back? They bark, we bite.
Are the candidates all inside? Apart from McCoy.
She won't budge.
Said she wanted to wait for you.
Viv, I know I'm pushing it, but there's no way I'm getting snapped going in with those mugs.
I'll look like John Prescott.
You won't be going anywhere if you don't do as I say, Miss McCoy.
I look all right though, yeah? What, I can't even get a compliment? I've been up since four.
I've done two sports centres, a synagogue, one Polish church and two mosques.
Guess how many selfies I've been asked for? Two.
How untweetably lonely's that? Ma'am, he's in.
I'd like to say, may the best man win.
Ding ding, come on.
Save it for the ring.
Go home! Get them inside! Get them in! Don't touch her.
She's diabetic.
Watch your back! We're not going anywhere! Move, get out of the way! Move! Excuse me.
You call this security, Inspector? Come on, show a bit of Dunkirk spirit.
I want all drinks containers confiscated.
Plastic cups, the lot.
Be strip searches next.
Dream on.
Political hustings are normally done by about tennish, right? Yeah, but ten is when the free drink comes out, so we'll probably be mopping up till midnight.
Why? I've got a date.
We've been chatting on Skype for hours and he still wants to meet me.
And he's travelling business.
He's only flipping FBI.
He's cashing in his air miles.
And with his kind of access there isn't anything he won't know about me, Dinah.
God, I can't tell you how much that makes me want to cry, because he's still coming.
Yeah, he arrives tonight, 11pm GMT.
Go meet him at the airport.
Get a hotel.
No! I can't.
Ma'am needs us here.
We're outgunned.
I'll cover for you.
Ditch the head girl thing and get some.
No! He's going to have to wait.
Oh, girls.
Viv, really, it'll be fine.
I'll wear it like a badge of honour.
If some troll sees that you've dribbled squash down your front, they'll tweet that you've got Parkinson's.
I'd lend you mine but you haven't the bust.
Take your pick.
Joy, would you mind? Er, no! Ma'am.
All drinks containers have been confiscated.
What? I thought you said out there was nothing to worry about.
Relax.
We've got your back.
It's your votes I'm after.
Ta.
Come on.
A black girl in the far right? Is that even possible? I want them shifted.
Viv, bundling their one black woman into a van in front of the camera is exactly what they want us to do.
They threw squash on the way in.
What's to say there's not acid on the way out? Hang on.
They didn't see me, did they? Right, spoke to the producer.
Can't get you 100 but I can get you 50 each.
Oh.
Wrong heads, bye-bye.
50 for what? Who are you with? Sorry.
Lydia Hopkirk.
We're piloting a new format that doesn't kowtow to liberal mainstream agendas.
What's it called? Er, Rock The Boat.
We're looking for new faces, and your face would really fit the bill.
Cuff her for assault.
Don't you fucking dare! Want my crew to film you lot cuffing the only black woman at a far right rally? Well, do you? Get out of here.
Pigs.
50 quid for vox pops, you said? Yeah.
Just this way.
Right, we're going to shoot you down here so the crew can control the lighting and the sound, for obvious reasons.
So where is the crew? I think, er Have none of you ever been on a professional fucking set before? And you? I said I wanted derelict as a background, not tetanus.
Hey, don't talk to her like that, you wonky-eyed prick.
Well, I'm the one who decides who is camera-ready or not from where I'm standing, and I wouldn't talk to me like that either.
Right, don't care if you signed spunk monkey or not, just need signatures, otherwise petty or not, there'll be no cash.
Right, just going to nip to the van to get the wages.
Back in a tick.
Fucking mental! Hats off.
Then you need to let me finish.
You've said that three times already and you've still not got to the point, so no.
They're wrapping up.
I want to keep all exits clear.
Joy, you come up front.
Dinah, head to the bar.
If he wants to know how public cuts affect our frontline services, then let's hear it from the horse's mouth.
That wonderful woman standing right there, Inspector Viv Dearing.
Come on, Viv.
Come on.
She went to school with my mum.
Come on, Viv.
If you want your facts direct tonight, let's get that wonderful woman up here on this stage.
Come on.
Jane, this is a debate for mayoral candidate.
Inspector Dearing, can you deny that the mayor's cuts have crippled your police force? Don't do it, ma'am.
This is a democratic forum for elected and electable people.
It's not for civil servants like me.
Well done, ma'am.
Proud of you.
Inspector! Inspector! Inspector! Come on.
Inspector! Inspector! Come on! OK.
Oh, Jesus.
Dinah, we're all going to burn here.
Viv, this is the one place your mouth doesn't belong.
Thank you.
There are many times when I've felt underfunded, but only as underfunded as forces across Britain.
As to whose fault that is is a very public matter.
Hiya, it's me.
Can you call me back as soon as you get this? It's work.
It's urgent.
To To whoever is going to be in charge for the next term, Manchester has taken a pasting over the last two years.
We're going to need all the help we can get.
Wish she was running for mayor.
They don't.
Thank you.
To summarise my feelings tonight, the difference between us is that Hassan fights for minorities.
I fight for minorities to live together.
You're a traitor, McCoy! Oh, God, gun! Ma'am! You all right? Yeah, we're OK.
DS Freers to Control.
Shots fired.
Send ambulance and armed response.
Get out of the way! Dinah! Dinah, you all right? You OK? Go.
He's heading downstairs.
I'm on him.
Fuck off back that way! DI Deering to Control.
I want a one mile cordon, repeat, one mile cordon.
Shooter is white, bald, ginger beard.
Come on! Come on! Spike! DC Tanner's been shot.
Require urgent medical assistance.
Where's he hit? Joy? OK.
Stay with me.
Just stay with me.
Can you hear me? Joy? Joy? Come on! Dinah.
Miller, it's all right.
They checked me out.
Good.
So you remember scrapping with him, yeah? In which case I need his spore, so Stop giving yourself piles and get up for me, yeah? Ma'am, witnesses say the getaway driver drove off without the shooter.
He escaped on foot.
We're tracking CCTV All he needs to do is duck into anywhere, and we've lost him.
The bike needs tarmac.
Track the plates from the station.
Ma'am? The press are asking me to confirm that a female officer was killed.
I don't know what to do.
My face is telling them.
Let it.
Just don't give a name.
Oh, Jesus, Viv.
Her dad.
He'll be on a shift.
I'll tell him.
No.
He needs to hear it from me.
We need you here.
I'll go.
Excuse me? Jonah? Let him lie down in the back.
Ma'am? Ma'am.
Those scanners, they had us patting down everyone.
If the gun was on him, he would have set them off.
There's no way.
He can't have had it on him when he came in.
I know.
I know, it's OK.
I want a full intel check on all the town hall staff.
Floor cleaners, the works, yeah? Yes, ma'am.
DI Deering, can I talk to her? Yeah, of course.
I've had deeper piercings.
It's just a scratch.
Thanks to you.
Jesus, I'm so sorry.
Hey, come on.
Come on.
One of the last promises I made your mum was that I'd keep an eye on you.
I'm so proud.
I kept at least that one.
Did she have kids? I know it's a shit thing to ask.
Did you recognise him? Now, I need you to be sure.
A stalker from the campaign? Pissed-off customer, boyfriend? What about death threats? Everything I get, I pass on to you lot.
You know I do.
Who'd want you dead? Dinah.
I know you must have put up some fight.
So did she.
Come on.
Where is she, then? Where is she? Come on, babe! Settle down! Ma'am? Tracked the bike.
Getaway driver went like stink to the M60.
He then doubled back up Keep on it.
What the fuck just happened? Why wasn't Joy at her post? She would have seen him stand up.
She would have You're blaming You're blaming her? No, I I'm blaming I'm blaming him.
Ma'am, the case downstairs is clogging up the front desk.
Fuck's sake, Gavin, just deal with it! We've all lost her, Dinah.
Am I going to need someone to book them in? You book them in.
Just keep your name off the paperwork.
Now, you take your shock .
.
your grief, your anger .
.
and you turn it into fuel.
Understood? Oh, finally.
What's the matter? Are we not important enough for you? OK, cool it.
Tell me what happened.
My mad bitch of a sister's what's happened.
We were all at the dress fitting, drinking champagne.
Tina decides to neck the lot and starts going on, saying how Barry's not good enough for me! I said, "Don't come, then, you silly bitch!" What's wrong with our Barry? Then she climbed up, we started fighting and the next thing She's got my hand in her mouth! Who's going to want to say, "I do" to a fucking stump? On the assumption that you didn't go home last night, clean underwear.
I didn't get them to open especially.
These are personal stock.
The press office are calling a conference at 9.
30.
Yeah, well, clean knickers aren't my priority right now, Marilyn, and you can tell the press that I haven't time to give them what they want to hear.
I'm going to be too busy stringing people up by the balls from here till doomsday.
Come here.
I couldn't do it, ma'am.
Please, please don't make me.
Viv, nobody is going to shove you in front of the public.
You at least have a sleep.
You can use my office.
Before he fired, he called Caroline McCoy a traitor.
What's she done to betray him? Or them? Or anybody? Caroline's done nothing but glue her community together like her mam did, before they called that politics.
So it's a lunatic, a lone wolf? Lone wolf? With a getaway driver? No.
He's a pro.
Oh.
Who missed his mark.
Because I pushed her out of the way, setting off a sequence of events that I would give anything to erase.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
Look sharp! We need more than coffee.
This is undetectable to anybody outside the Kremlin.
Invented by Dr Yayurin Safe.
This is the man who took our Joy.
Joseph Beckett, 40.
Discharged from the Army 2010 with PTSD.
That's an old photo.
Because all his records are sealed, we're suspecting he worked in special services.
SAS? How's he on file if he's meant to be that sharp? Caught entering Heathrow 2014 with 30K, mixed currency.
Suggests that he's been working as a mercenary ever since.
His spores matched the forensic evidence left on Spike's gear.
No known address, no family that we can find.
So me and Joy, we locked a batch of protesters in the basement.
We got them to sign release forms.
Most were fake names, but we lifted fingerprints.
Fake ID.
And a lovely brother, Dennis Caddy.
They run a chapter of Albion.
He wasn't amongst the rabble, because he's better than that these days.
We know Albion have been upping their game recently, but seriously, somebody paid good money for what went down yesterday.
Albion have never been that organised.
Oh, we beg to differ.
Achtung, baby, indeed.
I'm having 'em.
You are not! We are.
Now, come and sit down.
Sit.
This tells us nothing other than that Caroline McCoy is the centre of gravity.
But why is McCoy a right-wing target? I mean, Albion were only there because the mayor's a Muslim, right? She's not on the left either.
Well, she must have made somebody bleed to come after her with this much muscle.
If she knew who it was, she'd surely have told us by now.
We need to find out what it is that she doesn't know.
We need to examine her life in detail - changes in her patterns.
Changes in her accounts.
Crack on.
Jonah, Stuart, check the ANPR scanners.
We need to locate that motorbike before it gets scrapped.
You, you're coming with Dinah and me.
We're going to go and talk to that shower of shits like a professional team.
Poker face.
It's the least we owe ourselves today of all days.
Yeah.
I'll have to call you back.
Sorry, we don't hire out for wakes.
Where's your brother, Faye? Changing a keg? That's one way of putting it.
Den? Pinch off.
The fuzz are here.
Is this them? More or less.
You lot locked my lot in a basement.
Very brave.
Legal, though? Caught it all on our phones.
But hand on heart, if you're here because you're worried about us taking this to our lawyer, we're going to wait for the hoo-ha to die down first.
Don't want to smear her name before she's in the ground.
We've questions, Caddy.
Of course.
Come through.
So, yeah, this is it, mission control.
Excuse the mess.
Election's our busiest time of the year.
Here you are, Bon.
There you go, on the house.
Appreciate it.
If the shoe fits.
How long has Joseph Beckett being a member of Albion? Oh, yeah, I saw his face on the news.
He was way before my time.
He got kicked out, what - about five years ago? Said some really toxic shit.
He's not our type, not at all.
Why did you throw squash at Mayor Hassan? Hassan's turned Manchester into a petri dish for Islamification.
They can't even be bothered to learn "fuck you" in English.
But being honest, I was just thirsty and fancied seeing if you lot could be thwarted by a blackcurrant.
Beckett called McCoy a traitor.
Beckett called his dog a traitor.
He's bonkers, I told you.
As for McCoy, we'd have any of them over Hassan.
Bonnie thought she was a presenter on Loose Women, didn't you, hon? When did you break out of the basement? Why did your mate lock us in? If we were Muslim, or Polish, no way she'd have had the balls.
She had it coming.
What did you say? All right, Faye.
Last month was a hustings.
Big fuss.
Hassan was there, red carpet.
All of you lot were there.
Except for you, Mr Caddy.
He was watching the bar for our nan.
Is that a fact? All night long.
Ask any of them.
They're hiding something.
I want every stone turned on Caddy and Albion.
Every member past and present, every Facebook like.
I'm on it, ma'am.
Echo 23969 to DI Deering.
Come in, Jonah.
We've tracked the getaway bike, ma'am.
Keep him within your sights.
No problem, ma'am.
We're already up his arse.
Why's he going so slow? Think he took a bullet? That or he's got a gun.
He wants us closer.
Jesus.
What's he doing? Why's he not pulling over? No, he's Shit! Stay down! Don't move! Echo 23969 to Control.
Ma'am? We've got him.
He's twatted.
And tell Dinah we're going to need a superpower.
He's Polish.
Whoa, whoa.
Cacked his kecks in the car.
We booked him in for drunk driving but ma'am, no way this guy is the getaway driver.
Look at him.
Oh, fuck's sake, John, he's Romanian.
I work! OK, yeah, well, we're not immigration, we're police.
He's tanked.
Get him showered and Red Bulled.
What, our showers? Stu's right.
He's not the driver.
He must have nicked the bike after the driver dumped it.
His feet smell worse than his shit.
Might have seen him.
Run his dobs through Interpol.
Ma'am, you're not going to believe this daft fuck Whoa.
Oh, my God.
Come on, Miller, be useful.
Call a medic.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, ma'am, the helmet had a dash cam in it.
Driver forgot to check before he stole it.
The visual file's fucked, but the driver's voice is stereo.
Getaway driver's pillow talk right after the shots were fired.
Oh, Jesus! What have you done?! Fuck this, oh, fuck this! It's Caddy.
Sounds like Caddy.
It's nowhere near a cigar for the CPS.
You're stalling on this? Yeah.
In the absence of a witness or a motive.
Why would Albion want to kill Caroline? Catch.
The T-shirts and the buses that take Albion to the street marches are all paid for by this guy - Lionel Dirkin.
You know him? Should I? Well, he founded Pelinor.
The same private security company that employed Beckett.
Oh, welcome to outside the box, bonny lad.
It's lonely here, but we can snuggle up.
Don't tell me, Julia.
The gentleman's a police officer.
DC Tanner, Manchester Met.
We're preparing for the veterans marathon this weekend.
These lads all fought for Queen and country and then got tossed on the scrapheap on their return.
They've lost the use of their legs.
Here, I teach them they don't need them.
They leave their wheelchairs on the bank, and I get a swim in.
Do you kayak? No.
No excuse in the world not to.
How may I help you? I'm here to ask about Joseph Beckett.
Your company was his main employer.
No, no, Evan.
Don't help him! Let him do it by himself! Maybe you should go and No, no.
You ever teach Beckett how to flip a kayak, Mr Dirkin? Our business depends on ex-personnel from the armed forces, Constable, and ex-police, for that matter.
Beckett hasn't been deployed by Pelinor for two years.
Ever heard of an extreme far right group called Albion? You pay their expenses.
Hardly extreme.
They're a harmless street protest movement.
The Liberals just resent Caddy because he knows how to get heard.
Beckett was also a member of Albion.
Fleetingly.
And I was distressed by that.
What about Lionel Dirkin? You know him.
I know he runs Pelinor.
I know they're pitching for Caz? This is confidential.
It can't be.
Pelinor are after a ?250 million contract with the council.
They want a slice of your firm, the Manchester Met.
Well, that was kicked into the long grass years ago.
From you lot, yeah.
But it's still in play.
Prisons, transport, forensics.
Pelinor have been working with the council hand-in-glove for the last four years.
It's the brass ring, Viv.
And if you get in? Then Dirkin will have pissed all his bribes away because I'd make him pitch from scratch, because he's clearly out of his box.
Why are you asking? Beckett worked for Pelinor.
Beckett was a member of Albion.
Oh, fuck this.
Fuck this, I'm done.
I'm going, I'm moving to Australia.
I can't do this! It's just a theory.
I've got my business to think about.
Caroline! Your name is on every headline, your face is right next door to Joy's.
You better start milking this, sweetheart.
Because Joy's death It's got to stand for more than just .
.
some carving on a London memorial.
We need more women like her.
Like you.
OK, Kev, love.
You go and get yourself a Kit Kat from the canteen.
Just give us five minutes.
Rowley's bike? Yes, ma'am.
Marius.
Can you tell us how you got the bike? I need drink.
Drink! Drink! Serious? This is 90%.
You want to kill our only witness? Add water.
Ma'am, this is a testimony for a jury.
If they see he's pissed, we're finished.
He's on 23 cans of Red Stripe a day.
If we don't keep him in drink, he'll be dead anyway.
Which is exactly what we'll tell them.
You want them to see him looking like this? I sleep under bridge.
I wake.
I see driver drop bike.
Take off helmet.
Did you see his face? Marius? Could you ID him? Da.
Get off me! I haven't done this! You are under arrest in connection to the murder of Joy Frears.
Get the cuffs on him.
We'll riot! Fuck off.
Hey, that's assault, you! It's all right, I'll ring Nanny, yeah? Regulars all say the same thing.
Dennis Caddy was in the pub all night.
Bless him.
Get the tramp ready.
Ma'am, McCoy is talking to the press.
I'd just like to say, on behalf of my family to hers, that Sergeant Frears will be cherished as one of the greatest and bravest that the Manchester Met have ever had.
A friend told me to honour her sacrifice - well, here I am.
And I'm still standing.
I'm standing for what Joy stood for.
Polling day is a week Thursday.
Bring it.
Tramp's prints have come back from Interpol.
Please, God.
He is who he says he is.
No records.
CPS says if Marius IDs Caddy, we can charge him.
We've got him, Viv.
Is this recording, yeah? Good.
Because I want it on that these allegations are a fucking disgrace.
What, like your war record? You brag about heroics, but you were dishonourably discharged for hanging bacon off a mosque during a peacekeeping mission in Basra.
That was heroic.
Have you ever had any association with Lionel Dirkin? We've got a lot of angels on our shoulders, you'd be surprised.
Pinning me up for this is going to cost you.
I'm no killer.
We don't think you're the killer, Dennis.
We think you're the getaway driver.
And a shit one, because you left the dash cam on in the helmet that you nicked.
We've got your voice on tape.
So let's start cutting a bit of flab off that sentence.
Where is your mate Beckett? And who hired him to take out McCoy? He's not my mate, so how the fuck do I know? Because we've got a witness who saw your face when you dumped the bike.
He's in the building right now.
You have the right to refuse an ID parade where your mug will be one in eight, but then that gives us the right to park the witness outside the station and he'll finger you as soon as you leave.
You'll wake up tomorrow morning in a Cat A prison with Cat A jihadis desperate to borrow a cup of sugar.
Your neck is pulsing like a toad, Dennis.
Now, we could, if we Sorry to interrupt.
Inspector, may I have a word? Both of you.
Jesus, Marilyn.
Please don't cock-block me in front of perps.
DC Tanner, please escort Caddy back down to his cell.
What? Ma'am, we've got him! Your office, now.
Diana, got two ticks? Easy, watch where you're going.
Oh, that's never been a good look for you.
Marilyn stole in on Caddy and I've got to do something.
What? I don't fucking know.
Diana, trust me.
You hear me out before you go doing any more of your P45 shit.
Now, you saw Joy Pied Piper those rats into the basement, yeah, she was a Catherine wheel, best there was.
Right? So, why did she ditch her post at the hustings? Even if she left the iron on, thought one of her cats were on fire, Joy would never neglect her duty.
She left to call her dad.
A 15-second call.
Now don't you want to know what that beautiful kid's last sparks for us were? What's coming, Marilyn? He is.
OK.
Sorry I'm late.
You're either a spook, Special Branch or work experience.
Which is it? Viv, this is Chief Inspector Tom Pembroke.
Special Branch.
You're joking! I've got more five o'clock shadow than he has.
Agreed.
You little shit.
Marilyn, are you going to let Foetus Cop talk about us like that? Dennis Caddy is to be released without charge.
What? Albion's the target of a larger operation and if this man's charged, that operation's jeopardised.
You're joking.
We've got one of Sergeant Freers' killers downstairs and you're ordering me to hold open the door for Caddy on the way out? Well, you'd better throw me a better line than that.
We planted a UC in Albion.
If Caddy is charged, the agent's position becomes untenable.
Wait.
Stop.
You had a UC in Albion and we were told precisely dick about a planned attack on McCoy's life? And you knew all about it? And you pull this now, just when we are within a hair's breadth of charging him? Don't get emotional, Viv.
Fuck you! I lost a friend.
If it eases tensions, DCI Marchant was almost as in the dark as you.
You're out of line.
I'm paid to be, Chief Inspector.
Oh, you jumped-up little piss stump.
You're off the case.
Who was the agent? Any further investigation into Caddy or Albion will be regarded as perverting the course of justice.
Been there, done that.
You lot have threatened curtains on my career since year dot.
So out of my way.
I am charging him.
Also, misconduct of public office.
Not curtains, Inspector.
Bars.
Oh, you've been dying to spunk that one out, haven't you? You'll inform Caddy and his solicitor that the evidence against him is flawed.
I'll leave the details to your imagination but keep it convincing.
Do I make myself clear, Inspector? Yes, Sir.
Ma'am.
Robin? Robin, it's me, Miller.
Robin, why didn't you call me, huh? Look, have you taken or smoked owt else I need to fret about? Look, Robin, we need you to focus, yeah? I know, I know, I know.
Robin Joy phoned you just before she died.
It was a quick call.
Can you remember what she said? I didn't pick up.
I was on shift.
So she left a message? Have you listened to it? I'm building up to it.
Passcode's her birthday.
Robin, it's Ada.
I'm just calling to say what a laugh last night was.
Hey, let's do it again Rob? It's Ernie.
Mate, have I got some really strong shit for you.
It's called God's puss Hi, it's, it's me.
Can you call me back when you get this? It's, it's work.
It's urgent.
I, I need you to find me the photo album that you made me for my 21st, you know, the one with all the Hendon stuff in it.
It should be under my bed.
Oh, God, Dad, I don't know.
It's It's somewhere.
Got it.
Hendon.
No, no.
There's no way I'm eating humble pie in front of that piece of shit.
We have to tuck right in.
We have no choice! Ma'am.
Dinah? Caddy's girlfriend, she's a UC.
She's a fucking cop, Viv.
She could have stopped it.
Fucking hell! Mr Caddy, I've got some bad news.
You were witnessed ditching the getaway bike by a Romanian tramp and he's identified you as the getaway driver.
And what did you offer him in return? A three-bedroom semi over his head? Unfortunately, the tramp is wanted by Interpol for fraud.
We'll be argued down by any bottom dollar barrister, even yours.
Well, God bless Romania, man! I'll buy him an ouzo or whatever the fuck.
So what? I walk? You slither.
I don't know what's harder to take.
Your boss' perfume or the sweet shit manure of your breath.
Fuck! Yes! Oh, my God! Hey, Penny? Your boyfriend watched his mate fire two bullets into an unarmed officer.
You could have saved her.
I'm sorry about your mate.
Why don't you go home and have a cry and a wank to Candle In The Wind for me, OK? Babe! I've placed Stuart and Jonah on surveillance of Dennis Caddy.
Which part of Pembroke's threat of prison did you feel had wriggle room? You've chosen Dinah.
I've made her in my own image, Ma'am.
Stay the fuck way from us! Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.
I always wanted it.
Not like this.
Shit.
What is it? No, I mean it literally shit.
If it's ricin, we're playing footsie in the morgue already.
This is code red.
Everyone out.
This is Beckett.
Happy hunting.
You need to work out what you want your face next to in the news on the eve of an election, Sir, panic in the streets or a row of stiffs in an outbreak tent.