Robot Chicken s03e01 Episode Script
Werewolves vs. Unicorns
Previously on "Robot Chicken y'all," Not enough of you have been calling in to support us getting a third season, but we're gonna change all that right now.
Matt, give me the Oh! You shot the bloopers host! Seth, listen they like the violence.
Oh! We can't have a third season if we don't have any writers! They love us! Violence! Bleeding! Die! Die! Ratings are through the roof, bitches.
We're fixing to renew y'all.
That's what the fuck I'm talking about! But at what cost? You say something, Keith? No, I didn't say anything.
Aah! Gravy corn bread! Holy fucking ass crackers! Oh fuck.
Come on, come on! Come on! Aaaaah! Dang it, what do we do now? I've got an idea.
Aah! You rattlesnake! Aah! Ohh! Yes! N-o-o-o-o! N-o-o-o-o! Oh, wait a second.
Oh, it's just mom.
No! L-L-Look at the new contract! We get health benefits! Oh, no, god, please don't eat my brains.
It smells like wet garbage in here.
Yo, what do you guys want for lunch today? Brains! Subway! Brains it is.
Oh, I hate brains.
Welcome to Fantasy Island.
Where all your fantasies will come true! Then why are you a midget? Flash Gordon! The Phantom! Mandrake the Magician! These three heroes, united by a quest for justice and the coincidence that they're all owned by King Features syndicate, now defend the Earth as the defenders of the Earth! Earth! Wham! Ha ha! Take that! Ow! Ow! Ow! Watch me pull some kick-ass out of my hat! Now you see me, now you don't! Aah! I actually live on this block! All: Defenders of the Earth! Help! Defenders of the Earth, a killer asteroid's about to wipe us out! Uh we're just the neighborhood-watch association.
The most bad-ass neighborhood-watch association on the east side.
Boo-yah! That whole Earth/asteroid thing? Not really our bag.
But look! There's a quarter in your ear! But you're the defenders of the Earth.
Well, part of the Earth if you live on Brenner Drive between Wells Avenue and Route 9W.
To the cul-de-sac! All: Defenders of the Earth! But but the Earth # Shout on # Damn light! # Shout off # Fucking television! # The shouter # Let's you turn anything on and off from anywhere in the room with a high-volume vocalization.
Bullshit weather! Just plug it in to control the lights, tv almost anything.
# Shout on # Ah, fucking Christmas! # Shout off # Kill myself! # Shout on, shout off # My kids left me alone to die! # The shouter # Whew! It'll be nice to have this ultimate death ray finished.
Let's just hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
Good point.
Want to hit Quizno's? Word.
Awesome.
Megatron, the Ultimate Death Ray is almost complete.
Excellent, Soundwave.
Now monitor their progress by hiding in plain sight! Understood.
Just let me grab my wallet.
Oh, you'd forget your testicles if they weren't tethered by the Vas Deferens to your seminal vesicle.
Hey, look at this thing.
Who's got a boom box anymore? Hey, look at me! I'm LL Cool J, huh? Electric boogaloo! Chika-chika tam bam! Oh, what's that? Oh, my freakin' God, it's a mix tape! Lame! Wow! Hey, what'd you do this summer? I totally cried my eyes out, and then I masturbated.
My God! Can you believe this actually used to be a viable format? Look at me streamers! I'm a clown! Happy birthday! Rumble! You're killing Rumble! If by "rumble" you mean "your weak-ass mix tape of pussy pussness," then I guess we are.
Rumble, transform! Transform! Oh, n-o-o-o-o-o! Hey, this thing runs on "D" batteries.
Just like your wife's vibrator.
Soundwave hasn't reported back in days.
Where can he be? Megatron, I think I found him.
Ebay? Request permission to buy it now.
And good day to you.
Breaking news from space.
As the new ride at Las Vegas' "Star Trek: Experience" What's up, Dickstain? Get out of here, Munson! I'm doing my show! Oh, yeah! What's it called again "Gay news for homos about penis who loves dick and are afraid of vagina and grew up in west vagina and are kind of afraid of it and also grew up in "penis-braska"? No, it's called the "gyro-robo news " # Two scoops of penis are the reason you're a superfag # Stop it! Oh ho! Now, tell the nice viewers how much you love the smell of your own farts! Say it! Oh, it gets tighter! Say it! Okay, okay! I love the smell of my own farts! I love farts! Ha ha! Loser! You got Munsoned! I'm your real dad! And in other news Daniel, sweety Mom, I am doing my show! Oh, well, it might be time for a commercial break.
No, it is not! I made Snickerdoodles.
We'll be right back after these messages.
Alpha Psi Bodega?! Nuh-unh! Both: Alpha Psi! Do or die! Gung ho! Gung ho! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Ow! Ow! Ow! So, uh You like basketball? And now, Adam, it is unto ye to name all the animals of the Earth.
I'm on it.
I'm gonna call you a horse.
And you'll be a bear.
Hey, Adam! Oh, hey, Steve.
What are you doing? I walked into a situation, don't know what's going on, but I want to be part of it! Eh, nothing.
Just naming all the beasts of the Earth.
Ooh! Let's call that one a peacock! Steve, Steve And that'll be a swallow! Steve, please, don't And that's the ramburglar! # Be a winner at the game of life # A letter from the admissions office? My life starts now! Rejected? Fiddlesticks! # Disappointment in the game of life # That's the last tray of imitation meat patties you'll ruin! You're fired! Isn't there anything I could do to save my job? Yes.
There is.
Oh, I really need this job! Work it off! You're keeping your job! # Sex for favors in the game of life # God, please Please No! Oh, God, why?! # Broken condoms in the game of life # Come on, honey.
One last big push.
Aa-a-a-a-h! Oh, shoot! # Start a family in the game of life # God, another interview you've blown? We can't all live on beer, you know? You're gonna shut your big mouth once and for all stupid bitch! I'm sorry! # Kill your husband in the game of life # Fucking spinner.
Shh! Shh! And now a message from your Governor.
Good evening.
As you know, I have dealt with many aliens in the past, but now you criticize me about the Mexico alien.
Here, I show you how the great state of California has dealt with the Mexico border issue.
Here we have the high-tech border fence with the highly trained border guard, who will explain further.
People runnin' across the border was a problem, but these new systems are impregnable.
Eypa, eypa! Landale, andale! Larriba, arriba! Ee-yah! S- s-son of a bitch.
Cracking down on the crimes will discourage the immigrants from coming here illegally.
That's him! He drew a "Z" on my wall.
Yes, right after I broke up a robbery! I'm a fucking hero! Aah! Chingo tu madre! We must stop the hiring of the illegal aliens.
I asked for this water an hour ago! You are too slow! Slow? But mi nombre es Slowpoke Rodriguez.
You, the security people, take the mouse and deport him! No, señor! They'll execute me in mi country.
You are killing me! You are killing me! But we are also compassionate for the children found at the border.
We found this little girl wandering around with no parental supervision.
Soy un explorer! Estoy en una adventura magnífico con mi amigo boots! Which we dealt with per CDC regulations.
And here is the latest hero to fight the illegal border crime Superman! Thank you, Governor.
We super friends had no idea that El Dorado was an illegal when we let him join our ranks.
I'm on my way to deport him right now.
Yeah, yeah, good job with that Superman thing going on there.
And how did you come to this great country yourself? Gott in himmel! Sir, if you have a moment, I wanted to talk about how you got into this country.
Up, up, and away! # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Matt, give me the Oh! You shot the bloopers host! Seth, listen they like the violence.
Oh! We can't have a third season if we don't have any writers! They love us! Violence! Bleeding! Die! Die! Ratings are through the roof, bitches.
We're fixing to renew y'all.
That's what the fuck I'm talking about! But at what cost? You say something, Keith? No, I didn't say anything.
Aah! Gravy corn bread! Holy fucking ass crackers! Oh fuck.
Come on, come on! Come on! Aaaaah! Dang it, what do we do now? I've got an idea.
Aah! You rattlesnake! Aah! Ohh! Yes! N-o-o-o-o! N-o-o-o-o! Oh, wait a second.
Oh, it's just mom.
No! L-L-Look at the new contract! We get health benefits! Oh, no, god, please don't eat my brains.
It smells like wet garbage in here.
Yo, what do you guys want for lunch today? Brains! Subway! Brains it is.
Oh, I hate brains.
Welcome to Fantasy Island.
Where all your fantasies will come true! Then why are you a midget? Flash Gordon! The Phantom! Mandrake the Magician! These three heroes, united by a quest for justice and the coincidence that they're all owned by King Features syndicate, now defend the Earth as the defenders of the Earth! Earth! Wham! Ha ha! Take that! Ow! Ow! Ow! Watch me pull some kick-ass out of my hat! Now you see me, now you don't! Aah! I actually live on this block! All: Defenders of the Earth! Help! Defenders of the Earth, a killer asteroid's about to wipe us out! Uh we're just the neighborhood-watch association.
The most bad-ass neighborhood-watch association on the east side.
Boo-yah! That whole Earth/asteroid thing? Not really our bag.
But look! There's a quarter in your ear! But you're the defenders of the Earth.
Well, part of the Earth if you live on Brenner Drive between Wells Avenue and Route 9W.
To the cul-de-sac! All: Defenders of the Earth! But but the Earth # Shout on # Damn light! # Shout off # Fucking television! # The shouter # Let's you turn anything on and off from anywhere in the room with a high-volume vocalization.
Bullshit weather! Just plug it in to control the lights, tv almost anything.
# Shout on # Ah, fucking Christmas! # Shout off # Kill myself! # Shout on, shout off # My kids left me alone to die! # The shouter # Whew! It'll be nice to have this ultimate death ray finished.
Let's just hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands.
Good point.
Want to hit Quizno's? Word.
Awesome.
Megatron, the Ultimate Death Ray is almost complete.
Excellent, Soundwave.
Now monitor their progress by hiding in plain sight! Understood.
Just let me grab my wallet.
Oh, you'd forget your testicles if they weren't tethered by the Vas Deferens to your seminal vesicle.
Hey, look at this thing.
Who's got a boom box anymore? Hey, look at me! I'm LL Cool J, huh? Electric boogaloo! Chika-chika tam bam! Oh, what's that? Oh, my freakin' God, it's a mix tape! Lame! Wow! Hey, what'd you do this summer? I totally cried my eyes out, and then I masturbated.
My God! Can you believe this actually used to be a viable format? Look at me streamers! I'm a clown! Happy birthday! Rumble! You're killing Rumble! If by "rumble" you mean "your weak-ass mix tape of pussy pussness," then I guess we are.
Rumble, transform! Transform! Oh, n-o-o-o-o-o! Hey, this thing runs on "D" batteries.
Just like your wife's vibrator.
Soundwave hasn't reported back in days.
Where can he be? Megatron, I think I found him.
Ebay? Request permission to buy it now.
And good day to you.
Breaking news from space.
As the new ride at Las Vegas' "Star Trek: Experience" What's up, Dickstain? Get out of here, Munson! I'm doing my show! Oh, yeah! What's it called again "Gay news for homos about penis who loves dick and are afraid of vagina and grew up in west vagina and are kind of afraid of it and also grew up in "penis-braska"? No, it's called the "gyro-robo news " # Two scoops of penis are the reason you're a superfag # Stop it! Oh ho! Now, tell the nice viewers how much you love the smell of your own farts! Say it! Oh, it gets tighter! Say it! Okay, okay! I love the smell of my own farts! I love farts! Ha ha! Loser! You got Munsoned! I'm your real dad! And in other news Daniel, sweety Mom, I am doing my show! Oh, well, it might be time for a commercial break.
No, it is not! I made Snickerdoodles.
We'll be right back after these messages.
Alpha Psi Bodega?! Nuh-unh! Both: Alpha Psi! Do or die! Gung ho! Gung ho! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Hunh! Unh! Ow! Ow! Ow! So, uh You like basketball? And now, Adam, it is unto ye to name all the animals of the Earth.
I'm on it.
I'm gonna call you a horse.
And you'll be a bear.
Hey, Adam! Oh, hey, Steve.
What are you doing? I walked into a situation, don't know what's going on, but I want to be part of it! Eh, nothing.
Just naming all the beasts of the Earth.
Ooh! Let's call that one a peacock! Steve, Steve And that'll be a swallow! Steve, please, don't And that's the ramburglar! # Be a winner at the game of life # A letter from the admissions office? My life starts now! Rejected? Fiddlesticks! # Disappointment in the game of life # That's the last tray of imitation meat patties you'll ruin! You're fired! Isn't there anything I could do to save my job? Yes.
There is.
Oh, I really need this job! Work it off! You're keeping your job! # Sex for favors in the game of life # God, please Please No! Oh, God, why?! # Broken condoms in the game of life # Come on, honey.
One last big push.
Aa-a-a-a-h! Oh, shoot! # Start a family in the game of life # God, another interview you've blown? We can't all live on beer, you know? You're gonna shut your big mouth once and for all stupid bitch! I'm sorry! # Kill your husband in the game of life # Fucking spinner.
Shh! Shh! And now a message from your Governor.
Good evening.
As you know, I have dealt with many aliens in the past, but now you criticize me about the Mexico alien.
Here, I show you how the great state of California has dealt with the Mexico border issue.
Here we have the high-tech border fence with the highly trained border guard, who will explain further.
People runnin' across the border was a problem, but these new systems are impregnable.
Eypa, eypa! Landale, andale! Larriba, arriba! Ee-yah! S- s-son of a bitch.
Cracking down on the crimes will discourage the immigrants from coming here illegally.
That's him! He drew a "Z" on my wall.
Yes, right after I broke up a robbery! I'm a fucking hero! Aah! Chingo tu madre! We must stop the hiring of the illegal aliens.
I asked for this water an hour ago! You are too slow! Slow? But mi nombre es Slowpoke Rodriguez.
You, the security people, take the mouse and deport him! No, señor! They'll execute me in mi country.
You are killing me! You are killing me! But we are also compassionate for the children found at the border.
We found this little girl wandering around with no parental supervision.
Soy un explorer! Estoy en una adventura magnífico con mi amigo boots! Which we dealt with per CDC regulations.
And here is the latest hero to fight the illegal border crime Superman! Thank you, Governor.
We super friends had no idea that El Dorado was an illegal when we let him join our ranks.
I'm on my way to deport him right now.
Yeah, yeah, good job with that Superman thing going on there.
And how did you come to this great country yourself? Gott in himmel! Sir, if you have a moment, I wanted to talk about how you got into this country.
Up, up, and away! # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk # # Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk Bawk bawk # Ba-gawk! Bawk.