See Dad Run (2012) s03e01 Episode Script

So, uh, Valentine's day is tomorrow.
Oh, is it? Oh, it is.
Prepare for a Joe-mantic gift.
You know, Joseph, when I giggle, you don't have to giggle too.
Got it.
But you can if you want to.
- Bye.
- See ya.
Whew.
So Valentine's day is tomorrow.
Oh, is it? - Oh, it is.
- Hmm.
Come on, it's a time for a man to show his woman how much he loves her.
Honey, why don't we just have a nice, romantic dinner? We don't need to exchange gifts.
You're afraid to open my gift, aren't you? - A little bit.
- Really? A little bit, yeah.
It's just that sometimes they're, you know, a little Well, just come out and say it.
- Sucky? - Wow.
Come on, they haven't been all that bad.
Huh? Huh? You hate crumbs.
And it's red for Valentine's day.
Huh? Huh? Your three favorite things: Puppies, margaritas, and me.
All right, look, I promise you, this year for Valentine's day, I'm gonna hit a home run, okay? You're gonna love it.
Dad trying to convince you he gives good gifts again? Hey! Come on, all right, I may admit that the Hobbs men may have a Valentine's curse, but it doesn't mean that our gift Wait, a Valentine's curse runs in our family? There's no such thing as a curse.
How do you know? The first Valentine sets the tone for the entire relationship.
What if Amanda doesn't like what I got her? What did you get her? I got her a statue of a horse, because she likes horses.
And I hope statues.
As long as you don't get her an iron, she's gonna love it.
It was red for Valentine's day! It was an iron! Okay, David Okay, you have too much paper, David.
You have to cut it.
- That's all right.
I-I'm gonna tuck it under.
Yeah, but when you tuck it, it's It crumples when you And then it gets bulgy.
Well, maybe I like it bulgy, Kevin.
Behold, people! Wawah! In this box is my wife's Valentine's day present.
In 20 years of marriage, I have never failed to get Alicia the perfect gift, - and this year is no - exception.
And you never fail to give that same annoying speech, and this year is no exception Look, man, I need you to hide this, 'cause Alicia is like a bloodhound when it comes down to finding gifts - Okay.
- So you gotta hide it for me.
- All right, got it, I got it.
- All right.
- What is this? - Can't keep it at my place.
Oh, that's nice.
"For my boo"? That's what I call Alicia.
"Boo.
" Really, that's her nickname? Man, it's like a term of endearment, David.
Like, "hey, boo!" "Looking good, boo.
" How about, "happy Halloween.
Boo!" Whoa.
You scared me.
You're a really good scarer, David.
All right.
All right, okay, all right.
Look, I need you to hide this, man, so no one can see it, okay? - All right, okay.
- Hey, hide it like you did that Japanese laxative commercial you did.
Hey, and by the way, that package is looking a little bulgy.
- He likes it bulgy.
- I like it bulgy.
Joe! You got a package! And we got cards! Wow, you guys were actually able to find cards for Janie's friends the day before Valentine's? Yeah, wanna see? They have a big, red heart on them.
"Congratulations on a successful bypass.
" Really? What's the big deal? Half her friends can't read anyway.
Janie, as great as these cards are, want to know what's even better? Making homemade cards yourself.
I'll even help you.
Because you don't have a date for Valentine's day? No, because I love the joy of crafting.
And because you don't have a date for Valentine's day.
Where's the package? Does it look broken? Hold on a second.
Be careful.
Oh, I can't believe it's okay.
Wow.
That is great.
I mean, it's still a horse statue, but, you know, no curse for you.
Hey, sweet horse statue, dude.
Yeah.
That was close.
Oh, no.
It's ruined.
I am cursed! All I wanted was a Joe-mantic evening with Amanda.
Tell you what, since I don't have plans for Valentine's day Not her choice.
Why don't I make you and Amanda a nice, romantic dinner right here? Yeah, and I'll help you with the statue.
It'll take me, like, five minutes.
Give or take an hour and a half.
I'm done! Oh, wait, what do you mean you're done? You only made one card.
The rest of your friends will be very disappointed.
It's easier to make more friends than more cards.
Wow! The mess you guys made.
I know.
I'll use this beautiful yet functional gift I got your mom for Valentine's day! Wow, it still works! Look at this! Yeah, it's the gift that keeps on sucking.
While you're at it, why don't you go under the cushions, sweetie? It's - Oh - What's this? Oh, um - Is this a hidden box? No, no, that's - It's a jewelry box.
- Yeah, that that's Yeah, I-I know, honey.
Hang on, hang on.
Hold on a second.
Oh, honey.
Oh, honey, sweetie! It's beautiful.
I love it! Surprise.
"For my boo"? You're my boo.
You know that's what I call you.
- You do? - I "boo.
" There it is again.
Wow, dad, I got to say, you really scored this time.
Yeah, well, listen, honey, can you do me a favor? Can you can you pretend that you didn't see it and put it back, and this way, I can surprise you on Valentine's day? Can we do that? - Oh, yes, yes.
You're so romantic, David.
I can do surprised, watch.
Oh, my gosh! What? Where did you - I'm gonna try it on.
- Okay No, you, um Oh, okay.
- Oh, Joe! You can relax now, because the Hobbs' Valentine's curse is officially broken.
Your dad got me a very awesome and thoughtful gift.
What a relief.
The horse must have just broken on its own.
My dinner's not gonna be a disaster.
- Hey! - Hey, hey.
Time to get my necklace back.
What necklace? The necklace I just gave you.
Oh, oh, sorry, Marcus, I can't play with you right now! I'm hanging out with my boo.
- Who? Marcus, take a look at the necklace David got me for Valentine's day.
He did what with what, with who, how, why, boo, huh? It's beautiful, isn't it? Nailed it.
You gave Alicia's necklace to Amy? What? - I didn't give it to her.
What did what do you mean? She is literally wearing it.
She found it, and she thought it was for her.
- Uh - Hey, guys.
Just getting some water.
- Oh.
No problem, boo.
- He calls me boo.
- But - Who knew? You not only stole my wife's necklace, you also stole my wife's nickname? Look, Marcus, you are the king of Valentine's gifts, right? True.
And I know you can go out right now and get Alicia an even more awesome gift.
Of course I could, because I am the king.
I am.
Right! That's why you need to let me keep this.
You should have seen how happy she was when she opened the box.
Marcus, come on.
She really liked it, huh? - Oh, man, she loved it! - That was a good gift.
She went cra and it's not even her nickname.
- Mm.
- That's how good you are.
All right, man.
All right.
I have time, and I am the king.
I will get another gift.
Yes, I know you will, Marcus.
Oh, man, I don't know how you do it.
Well, you know, the key is to think about the other person first and - You lost me.
- Wha Guys, we're out of here! So, Joe, big night.
First girlfriend, first Valentine's.
Ooh, and I found my first chest hair today, dad.
Looks like I'm really growing up, huh? Yeah, whoa! Now, you want to show that sucker off, right? So why don't you open that up a little bit, loosen the tie? Have fun with Amanda tonight, sweetie.
Oh, you got a little something.
- Chest hair, chest hair! - I thought it was an eyelash! I thought it was an eyelash! I'll be in the car.
All right.
You okay? Yeah, just a little sweaty, a little gassy.
So normal? Look, Joe, you like Amanda, she likes you.
That's all you need to make Valentine's special.
- Thanks, dad.
- All right.
Sorry, you squeezed it out of me.
Yeah.
Better now than later.
Okay, now, Janie, you have to be very careful around this insta-glue.
The commercial shows an entire school bus being lifted by a metal beam using only a few drops.
Not everything that's on TV is true, Kevin.
You make a good point.
My butt-be-tight machine has not delivered as advertised.
I'm still, like, six weeks away from yoga pants.
You know what I mean, like, confidently? Guys, I totally forgot Amanda's card! Relax, Joe.
I'll make you one.
When she says "one," she means one.
It's her.
Hi, Amanda.
Hey, Joseph.
Happy Valentine's.
Ooh, don't squeeze too hard.
Wow, everything's so beautiful.
This really is going to be a Joe-mantic evening.
Oh, you like that, huh? You have such a way with words.
I know.
Words are my special good.
Joe, you're doing great.
Now just go over there and charm her with some of that classic Joe awesomeness.
Joe can do that.
Kevin Please don't tell me your hand is stuck to the back of my neck from the insta-glue you were using on the horse.
Okay, I won't.
Although for a first guess, that was amazingly accurate.
Aah! Thank you again for a very romantic evening, David.
- Romance is what I do.
- Mm-hmm.
So tell me again how you picked out the necklace.
Tell me again.
- Well, after I saw it in the store window, some other guy came in and tried to buy it first.
- Mm-hmm.
And I said, "sir "If you want to stand between me and my boo's happiness, you better be willing to fight to the death.
" Wow.
Excuse me, sir, I hate to interrupt, but one of our patrons is a huge fan, and he really wants to meet you.
Oh, I appreciate that, but I'm here with my beautiful wife, having a lovely Valentine dinner.
On the other hand, if I can make another man's Valentine's more memorable, I'd be more than happy - Go say hello to your fan.
I'll freshen up.
- Right this way, sir.
Oh.
Sir, don't be embarrassed.
It's perfectly normal to have a man-crush on Valentine's day.
Give me back my gift.
- What? - Give give it to me! Whayou said you would get Alicia a better gift.
I tried, man, but your curse came upon me.
I was headed to the jewelry store for a new necklace, got a flat tire.
They towed me to a gas station, so I had to improvise.
I got you new gifts.
I helped you out.
A key chain, a squeegee, and an air freshener? And that's pina colada.
That was the last one.
Oh, I don't care, Marcus.
No! I know you brought it.
Give me back my gift.
What? Get away from me, man, no.
Give me back my gift.
Give it.
Give me back my Give it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it, stop it! Is everything all right? Everything is great.
I'll be right over.
Don't be shy.
I won't bite.
So here I am.
'Sup? I'm really sorry.
It's a long story involving glue, but long story short, it looks like we're stuck with him.
"Stuck with him.
" You're funny.
It's a pretty sticky situation.
Look at you two bonding.
I'm not here.
- I finished the card.
- Okay.
Here, Amanda, this is for you.
"The only Valentine for me is a man.
" "Duh.
" Oh, Amanda! I love it.
Excuse me, miss, have you seen my husband? I believe I saw him at the lobster tank.
My eyes! I know, I'm sorry you had to work tonight, Chelsea, but I promise, we'll be together next Valentine's day, boo.
What? No, I always call you "boo," boo.
I gotta go.
Good news, we glued the horse back together.
Oh, nice job.
And now I'm stuck.
I'll help! Janie, did you put extra instaglue on the horse after I told you not to? No! Yes.
Are these necessary, man? We said we were leaving.
I can see where these might be frustrating for a lobster.
David, look, man, you've been giving Amy lame gifts for years.
She's gotten used to the disappointment.
I've never let Alicia down.
Please don't take that away from me.
You're right.
Here.
Should never shouldn't have taken this thing in the first place.
Marcus? What are you doing here? David left your gift at home, so I ran it up here for you.
Have a nice dinner.
- Thank you.
- All right.
What's this? Uh, that's your actual Valentine's gift.
- Wh - Where's my necklace? Well, honey, I thought I'd surprise you with an even better gift.
With my necklace wrapped around it? Can you please stop focusing on the necklace and just focus on the bag? - Mm-hmm, all right.
I-I don't get it.
You're the key to my heart.
You're like a breath of fresh air, honey.
And that is just good to have with you in your car.
I get it.
Oh, I get it! I love you! - Nailed it.
- Yes! Oh, my! Thank you, honey, I love you! See you at home! You're a really good dancer, Joe.
Pretty good yourself.
And you guys too.
- Thank you, thanks.
- Thanks.
Looks like they're having fun.
- We did a good thing.
An even better thing would be dancing me over to the bathroom.
Why didn't you stop me from getting in that car? You were having so much fun, and I thought for sure the cops would stop you before you pulled in the driveway.
I didn't know they were chasing me.
I thought you'd arranged to have the police escort me home.
Honey, you're right.
I-I am I'm sorry.
I'm the worst gift giver ever.
Sweetie, honey, it all started when you promised me that you had this home-run gift to give me.
What is it? Really? Want me to give the gift that might make this night worse? Honey, I was just handcuffed face down in my own driveway, okay? Can't get any worse than that.
All right.
All right? All right.
Oh, my God.
Here you go.
Oh, how cute! You had Janie wrap it! Sure.
This is the bowling scorecard from our first date.
- Yeah.
Remember, I beat you three times? Honey, you kept this all these years? Oh.
Oh, I love it.
Really? Really.
Oh, honey, I love you.
- Oh, I love you too, honey.
- Oh.
Wow.
This is the best gift I've ever been given.
Really? So the curse is lifted? - Big-time.
Big-time.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you, honey.
Happy Valentine's day.
Oh, happy Valentine's day, sweetie.
Aw, Janie helped you frame it.
Sure.
Hey, what's Janie doing up? - Shh! Joe's saying good - Bye.
Would you believe me if I told you this night went exactly according to plan? Joe, this has been the most romantic Valentine's ever.
Really? All I wanted was to spend it with you.
Oh, no, are you stuck?