Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018) s03e01 Episode Script
How the Rogue Roar'd!
1 SIREN BLARES All firearms teams - strike, strike, strike! EXPLOSION Armed police! Armed police! THEY SHOU Get down! Henry-Four, perimeter secure, over.
Five people accounted for, one injured.
I got you this time, Eddie.
Hostages are secure.
One victim unconscious upon entry, over.
Let's see who's behind door number two, shall we? It's not him! Search the bank, every inch of it.
Hathaway to Marlowe, suspect not arrested.
I repeat - suspect not arrested.
Search and secure the surrounding area, over.
Wait! Stop! Keep calm.
Look, take me, I won't fight.
Get in, guv'nor, and sit down! Close the doors.
It's all right, close 'em.
Give us that.
You lot try anything and he's a dead man.
I want a clean car and back off.
You were a stupid idiot getting in here.
Well .
.
it's been a while.
I just wanted a chat.
Yeah, well, I'll let this do the talking.
HE LAUGHS GENTLY What? CHUCKLING: Nothing.
You laughing at me?! HE LAUGHS I'm going to lock you up and throw away the key! HE LAUGHS THEY BOTH LAUGH LAUGHING: This ain't funny! I've got a gun! HE LAUGHS And if they don't let us go, I'm going to kill you! HE GUFFAWS You won't! I've just given us a massive dose of nitrous oxide!What?! Laughing gas! THEY LAUGH You know what's funny? LAUGHING: What?! You're nicked! THEY LAUGH LAUGHTER FROM INSIDE VAN Open the doors! THEY LAUGH LOUDLY HE SLURPS HIS TEA This is exciting.
We've been waiting ages for a new case.
Looks like we're going to be waiting a bit longer.
So, how MESSAGE SENDS Now I'm worried her tea will go cold, which would give an unnecessarily negative impression of my beverage-making capabilities.
Mm.
Always a million things to do.
"Let every man be master of his time.
" I was thinking exactly the same thing.
So, how can we help you, Mrs Bolingbroke? I've been developing a lot of property on Cheapside.
I'm sure you know it.
Time was you couldn't walk the streets in safety.
But now? It's transformed.
I took my mum to a new cafe there the other week, Hamlet and Eggs.
It was very, very now, very me.
SHE CHUCKLES It's the embodiment of the new Stratford - or would be, if not for a certain element.
Well, I can always stop Lou and her mum going there if they're dragging the place down? HE LAUGHS I'm talking about Lucky's Haul, a seedy gambling den.
What? The bingo place? It's just some old biddies betting a few quid, isn't it? I've heard disturbing reports.
Preying on the old and vulnerable.
I need you to go in, dig deep, and find the problems.
End Lucky's reign of depravity.
Er, with all due respect, that's not a lot to go on.
PHONE VIBRATES I have to take this.
Should my next call be to another agency? Chester Patterson, perhaps? Could you hold, please? When it comes to maintaining the moral fibre of the community, we are the agency for you.
Oh.
TO CALLER: Good news, we may have another development soon.
Well, that was easy.
What are you doing?! Just admiring my handiwork.
GQ called.
Yeah? The cover's available.
SEBASTIAN CHUCKLES I wish I'd never let you do this.
Oh, stop it, you look lovely.
You look very handsome.
IMPERSONATING JAMES BOND: The name's Hathaway.
Frank Hathaway.
AS JAMES BOND:Well, that would make you Moneypenny.
THEY LAUGH I dunno.
You make it sound like I was a right ragamuffin before you cut me hair, like some big, hairy yeti.
Sebastian? What are you doing here?! Viola! What a wonderful surprise! I never knew you played.
I don't - yet.
But I just thought I should try something new.
And you? Do you, um, come here often? Well, if I was here any longer, I'd have to pay the rent.
Come on, let me show you the ropes! Lead on.
HE CHUCKLES Welcome, welcome one and all to Lucky's Haul! I'm Joseph "JJ" Jacques, king of the bingo lingo, and your caller today.
And when you're with JJ ALL:It's always payday! Just two minutes till the numbers roll, so you've got time to wet your whistle at the bar or spend that penny.
I'll see you in a couple of mins, boys and girls.
Viola! Who's this dapper gent? This is my friend, Sebastian.
"Friend"? Ooh, I wouldn't mind a friend who looked like that! Bo! We're just mates! SHE CHUCKLES Bo Quickly.
Any friend of Viola's A pleasure.
So, are you a bingo fan, duck? Go on, show us your dabber.
WHISPERS NERVOUSLY: I beg your pardon? Your dabber!Be gentle, Bo.
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
I've got spares, snacks, tissues, toiletries, and a bit of Dutch courage.
A nip o' whisky makes you frisky! THEY LAUGH Good company, good whisky, good welcome.
Right, we're playing the Early Bird 90 ball.
Four corners nets you 15, lines get a Gertie, or go to town on �100 with a Full House.
If you're having fun, you've already won.
SoALL: Let's play bing-o-o-o-o! Woo! So, eyes down for your first number.
Take a look around, see if there's any cockroaches in the kitchen, see if there's any kids betting their pocket money, we'll go and collect the cheque.
CHUCKLING:Couldn't be easier.
Dirty Gertie, number 30! It's like Benny Hill running the church raffle.
This is a classic British pastime, I'll have you know.
All innuendo and sitting down.
THEY CHUCKLE See you later.
Use the purple dabber.
SHE CHUCKLES Welcome to Lucky's Haul.
The Early Bird's just started.
Oh, no, thank you.
We are here with the local newspaper, actually.
I'm Fran, this is Lou.
Lou.
And you're Megan? Oh, wow, you must be popular round here.
Don't.
Lucky insists it's displayed.
I'm the assistant manager.
How can I help? Well, we are doing an article, aren't we, on bingo halls and how they cope in the 21st century.
Great! About time someone did.
We were wondering, could we could have a look around, get a feel for the place.
Of course.
I can show you round now if you'd like? Oh, yeah.
It's so nice to see local news taking an interest.
Say bingo! BOTH:Bingo! BO LAUGHS Full house on your first go! Oh, you're one of us now, duck! SHE LAUGHS And this is Lucky's office.
Of course, he's not here.
Typical.
Wait here.
Well, while we're here, might as well have a gander.
Yeah, it'd be rude not to.
Look for anything incriminating.
You know, unpaid parking tickets, betting slips, dead bodies.
A book of accounts here, look.
Invoices, expenses.
SHE TAKES PHOTO Shame we can't do him for his ego, isn't it? HE CHUCKLES Look at the picture with his big head.
We should get one of those of you in our office.
SHE TAKES PHOTOS What're you doing? You can't photograph the whole book! Oh, shush.
Just watch the door.
I don't believe it! Frank?! VACUUM CLEANER STARTS Glad to see they taught you something useful in prison.
Frank Hathaway.
I heard they'd thrown you off the force.
I retired.
Oh, good.
Well, I won't get done for hitting a copper, then! All right.
Is this your idea of Hello.
Hi, I'm Fran.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, boss.
Here you go, boss.
Good as new.
You think I've got time to put away laundry? You missed a spot.
Hello, hi, excuse me, we're from the local paper Sorry, love, make an appointment.
I've gone straight.
Leave us be.
Oh, yeah?Lou? Frank? We're working! I've been coming here for donkeys.
Met my Tony here.
SHE LAUGHS But I don't hold that against 'em! Lucky must be quite the character.
Oh, he's lovely.
Him and JJ are the perfect dream team.
Oh, talk of the devil.
Lucky! All right? I am now I've seen you, darling! SHE CHUCKLES Oh, he knows his bingo, that man.
Oh - keep an eye on me dabber, will ya, darling? I'm just going to spend a penny while there's time.
I'll make the most.
THEY CHUCKLE Are you working? Why do you ask? Well, I've just seen Frank and Lou.
It's strange you're all here at the same time.
This place is important to me.
I don't want any trouble here, OK? You won't get any from me.
Argh.
We missed him.
Maybe we could play a couple of games, just wait for him to come back? "Going straight" - don't make me laugh! Is this the caretaker? Caretaker? Eddie Monmouth pulled a string of armed robberies.
He had me chasing my tail for months before I put him away.
Are we talking about the same guy? The one that was just fawning over Lucky? Don't be fooled.
He's probably infiltrating the Haul so he can clean it out.
Yeah, to be fair, I did see a hoover.
What? HE SIGHS.
Marlowe's really dropped the ball on this one.
I'm going to have a word with her.
Frank? What about the case? Oh, it's fine, yes, I'll sort it(!) Ah, Joseph! I'm not in the mood, Frank.
You look awful.
New baby keeping you awake at night, is she? Get off my car, please.
Sorry.
Yeah, it seems my little girl has about as must respect as you do for my time.
Talking about women who like to boss you around, where's Marlowe? She's not answering.
You've not heard? She's gone.
Where? On holiday? Find a Sergeant with a brain between his ears?If that's your attitude I'm joking.
SIREN Look, I really need to talk to her.
She's been promoted.
Special task-force.
Top level, very hush-hush.
When's she coming back? No time soon.
Well, she wouldn't just leave without saying.
This is awkward.
Maybe you weren't that close after all.
SIGHING:All right, look.
An ex-con's got out early, Eddie Monmouth.
I'm not Marlowe.
So, you've got a phone, call the switchboard.
There's a dangerous man loose on the streets.
I'm not your lackey! You're a lazy bottom-feeder, Frank, getting paid off our hard work.
You're not one of us any more.
No more easy rides.
Got baby-sick on your tie.
Wey! You're so childish.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Not! Yes, you are.
I'm not.
33, cup of tea.
Ah 22, thanking you.
Where has Frank got to? 65, he's on the skive.
79 is There is Oh, forget it.
You win.
Jammy one, you are mine.
He's supposed to be helping me make sense of these accounts we found at the Haul.
Anything useful so far? Just boring numbers.
If he's having another lie-in, I will kill him.
PHONE VIBRATES POLICE RADIO CHATTER Viola.
Frank.
Caught a bad one? Yeah, it's pretty gruesome.
Murder? There will be if Keeler catches me talking to you.
Go on, throw us a bone.
I'd do the same for you.
I wouldn't usually, but this one's personal.
They found a body this morning.
Blunt force trauma to the head.
Frank! What did I say? No more freebies.
PC Deacon was just saying exactly the same thing.
So, who's the vic? Unless you're a cop, a coroner or a priest, it's none of your business.
There's no shame in asking.
I mean, if you don't know who he is I know who he is.
Oh, so it's a "he" then? Interesting.
Look, whoever the victim is, I know the suspect - Eddie Monmouth.
The man I came to talk to you about.
Any proof he's done anything other than annoy you? The proof's in that tent! Stop sniffing around.
It's embarrassing.
Bye, Frank! Lucky's been murdered.
What?! Oh Oh, Viola and Bo will be so upset.
I hate to say I told you so! Where's Lou?Looking for you.
So, do you think Eddie did it? Lucky probably found him casing the joint and he got killed for it.
I tell ya, he's not going to get away with it, cos I'm onto him.
Just write my condolences and send it, OK?Here we go.
When I hired you to end Lucky's reign, did you go too far? Are you asking me if I killed him?! Cos that's not what I meant, and I won't be billed for it.
Hang on! You had more motive to kill him than I did.
Our associate said you were looking very cosy together yesterday.
Did you see us?Our associate did.
Well, exactly.
Why would I want him dead when he finally agreed to sell? Er, "sell"? You said he's been fending you off for years.
Well, I was as shocked as you are, but he asked to see me, wanting a quick sale.
He was supposed to bring the contract last night, but never showed up.
That's Lucky.
Infuriating me to the end.
I'd work on the eulogy.
THEY CHUCKLE I'm sorry he's dead, but there's nothing I can do about it now except mourn .
.
and ensure his final wish is carried out.
EMPHATICALLY: Find that contract! Then he should've made you assistant manager.
Just you wait till Lucky's widow comes back from Benidorm, she'll get things sorted.
You haven't asked the staff what they want, and we want Megan.
You have been here for five minutes! Not a lot of mourning going on.
Look, the press are back.
Let's not give them tomorrow's headline.
Don't mind us.
They're not press, they're PIs.
If you're looking for a real snake-in-the-grass, look no further.
Thanks, Eddie.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you both out.
Oh, I don't know, how about because you're not in charge? Don't you think we should focus on this first? We were only lying in a professional capacity.
Yeah, we're actually quite nice when you get to know us.
How can we trust you two? Yeah, for all we know, you might've offed Lucky! Why does everyone keep thinking that? Because you come round here, skulking around, scoping the place out.
And the very next day Yeah, when you put it like that SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY So, Lucky may have signed a contract selling the Haul to Henrietta Bolingbroke before he died.
We're trying to find it.
What, sell the Haul? To her?! Over Lucky's dead body!Exactly.
Look, he was my best friend for over 30 years, there's no way he'd sell The Haul to that hooty-toot.
Well, she said he did.
And she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants.
Why don't you let us a have a little look round, and if we don't find anything, Henrietta won't have a leg to stand on, will she? We've got nothing to hide.
If you want to poke around, that's fine.
You can't do that!Can't I? Seeing as you like Lucky's office so much, go help them search it.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Sorry about Lucky, it's reallyunlucky.
Thanks.
How much longer? We'd go quicker if you helped.
Or told us where else we could look.
Have you tried the toilet? He did all his best thinking in there.
Still haven't checked in here.
I told ya, I haven't got the combination.
Well, who has?Lucky! Are we done? I want to go to the airport, pick up his missus, get things sorted out.
One last thing.
Who hired the caretaker? Some businesses don't like parolees.
Maybe we believe in second chances.
So you knew he was an ex-con? You two? I might've known.
Mr Jacques, I've come to take your statement.
Can I have you outside, please? But it's my office! RidiculousThank you.
Will you STOP interfering with my witnesses?! We're here on official business, actually.
Our client has asked us to find a missing contract.
And that trumps murder, does it? Why isn't Eddie in handcuffs yet? Because I'm not just picking out people I don't like and saying "He done it".
You got anything back from forensics yet? None of your business.
CHUCKLING:You haven't got no clue, have you? I bet he hasn't even checked the CCTV.
What're you talking about? Yes, we have, there's nothing there.
Oh! Who said we wouldn't have that same close relationship that me and Marlowe had, eh?You just stay out of my way! SEAGULLS CRY I said search the kitchens, not investigate the cake.
I'm just being thorough.
Frank.
Eddie.
Lou.
I want a word.
Yeah, a few spring to mind.
Oh, it's a long way down, isn't it? I can see the crime scene from here.
Will you stop chasing us? I'm out of the life.
Unlucky that, then, eh? First job you get, there's a murder.
I wouldn't put that on your CV.
Ooh, there's Keeler.
Hello! Bye! Not very nice! You won't find anything here, and I've done me time.
What, eight out of 20 years?! What about all those people you terrorised? That family that got caught up in the Gad's Hill raid? I'd take it back if I could.
I sat in that hospital with those kids all night, waiting for their dad to pull through and it's all because of you.
I paid for it! I lost me family.
When I was inside, me missus went off with another fella, moved away.
Now my daughter calls another bloke "Dad".
20 years? I'd have done 100 years just for five minutes with me little girl.
You chose the life.
You've got no-one else to blame.
Yeah, you're right.
I've got no-one.
It's time we stopped looking for bits of paper and started searching for a killer.
Look, I hate to sound like you here, but that's not what we're being paid for.
Like you say, sometimes you have to do the right thing.
All right, fine.
You do what you want.
But when you need me, I'll be doing our job.
Listen, hot goss Ooh! What is that?Yeah, don't ask.
I have searched that Haul from top to bottom, every filthy nook and cranny.
Nothing.
I even had to go in the men's.
Urgh, even I don't go in there! SHE SIGHS Listen, this'll cheer you up.
I've been digging up dirt on Eddie.
Hang on.
I hope you mean the contract.
Because I have nearly ruined my second-best jacket trying to find that thing.
Frank said that Eddie was the priority now.
Can you make your minds up, please?! Well, I thought we had.
Fine, go on.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA Bo said JJ is a big gambler.
Racked up huge debts, even served a year in prison for assaulting some bailiffs who were repossessing his house.
Oh! We should check if Eddie and JJ's stint in prison overlapped.
And you've ruined the surprise.
Unbelievable.
What, they did? They were in the same place? At the same time.
With 2,000 other inmates, but still.
PHONE RINGS HE CLEARS HIS THROA Shakespeare and Hathaway Is Lou there? Put her on the phone.
Mr Rude on line 1.
It's on.
Eddie's going for the safe tonight.
He went to a hardware store.
My money's on safecracking tools.
But he could've been buying anything.
What, like "fork handles"?! The only way he'd spend that much money on gear is for a job.
Have you got anything more concrete? He bought a pizza? Hm.
Going hungry on a heist, big no-no.
Don't you have work to do? Look, Lou, I know it's thin, but I'm telling ya, he's going to crack that safe tonight.
If you get here now we can catch him in the act! DRILL WHIRS HE CHUCKLES TRIUMPHANTLY I hope they kept your cell tidy, you are in so much trouble.
FrankI can't wait to see the look on Keeler's face.
No need.
All right, Frank? What're you doing here?! I'm preventing a robbery.
Lucky died without leaving the combination.
I told the boys they can access it, as long as I'm supervising, in case there's evidence inside.
Do you know how much the manufacturer charges for a call-out? You do know these two shared prison time? Yeah.
I'm a step ahead of you, mate.
All right, he looked after me when I was inside.
Fair enough.
Now I'm finding him a job.
Does Megan know all this? I'm in charge now.
The widow has complete trust in me.
And because I care about the staff, I'm letting Megan stay on.
For now.
Let's get on with it, yeah? Have a look, Frank.
You might learn something.
Ah.
Looks like I was wrong.
There's nothing left to steal.
What?! Are you kidding me, Lucky?! Not even a penny?! You mad, purple-hued maltworm! And you.
You're cursed! Nothing but bad luck since you arrived! Get out! Go on, get out! Better luck next time, eh, kids? Well, that's great, isn't it? It's going to be hard to find this contract when we've been chucked out! Yeah.
At least we know why Lucky sold - the safe was empty.
Must've been money troubles.
We lost, Frank! No Eddie, no contract.
Even Keeler thinks we're idiots.
Keeler! Yeah, it was a bit of a dead end, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I won't let it happen again.
Right, well, good.
Next time he's going down! You're not listening to me, are you?! This ego-trip down memory lane is costing us work.
You're supposed to be the pragmatic one here, so just get a grip! Oh, Lou? Come back! You're me lift.
"And as the morning steals upon the night, melting the darkness" Stop moaning.
PHONE VIBRATES Urgh.
Hello.
Hi.
Still angry with me, then?A bit.
I mean, Henrietta is.
She was practically frothing at the mouth this morning.
Sorry I missed that.
HE SIGHS Look, you know I think you're the best female PI in our office, don't ya? Eh? Shut up.
Right, I had an idea last night.
Do you remember how the Haul's accounts were a big mess? I think I've worked out why.
He was being ripped off.
How do you mean? There are invoices charging for things the Haul doesn't have, from companies that just don't exist.
Someone's been embezzling.
Was there a signature on the payments? Megan Poins.
We need to find her.
Yeah, don't worry.
I'm on it.
HE SHOUTS, SEBASTIAN SCREAMS FRANK LAUGHS Hello.
I know how you paid for that breakfast.
Sorry? What's this? That is all the fake invoices you made out to pocket the profits.
You see, I've searched that Haul from top to bottom, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see the dozen nymph statues you forked out for.
And that staffroom refurbishment - that's just a deck-chair on the roof, really, isn't it? I can explain this.
Yeah, good.
You can do that to the police.
They're going to think I did it.
Well, you did, didn't you? They can be here in ten minutes and I'm pretty sure they're going to want to connect this stolen money to Lucky's death.
Hang on! I didn't kill him! Yes, I stole the money, but I didn't want to.
What, somebody forced you to? Yeah.
Well, sort of.
I'm ringing.
He tricked me, OK? When Lucky put me on the accounts, JJ got me to pay some invoices.
I didn't realise they were dodgy.
You must've realised.
By then, it was too late.
He said it was my signature and I'd be the one arrested.
SHE SIGHS I'm a fool.
I worked every hour God sent to get where I am, trying to be this kick-ass professional woman, and in the end I'm just a pawn in a man's game.
SHE CRIES Here come the waterworks.
What you must think of me Let me see if I can work out a way to prove that JJ coerced you before I report it.
It won't get you off the hook, but .
.
we might be able to hang him on a bigger one, eh? KEELER:Eddie Monmouth, stay where you are! We're arresting you for Lucky's murder.
What?! What're you talking about? We've found traces of his DNA all over Lucky's clothing.
Shouldn't you be arresting me for doing his dry-cleaning, then? What about the CCTV camera covering the back? The one showing you threatening the shopkeeper, eh? To make him wipe the footage? It was part of his MO, back in the day.
No! It can't be It's all right.
Yeah, I did it.
You're confessing? You saw the way he was with me.
Treated me like dirt, like I wasn't a man.
Something just happened that night.
I just snapped.
I followed him outside, and I didn't mean to kill him, it just kind of got out of hand.
What did you kill him with?What? Frank, I'll ask the questions here.
What did you kill him with? It was a Like a trophy that Lucky was carrying.
I threw it in the river just outside town.
Can't remember where.
That tallies with the flecks of gold paint we found on the back of his head.
Cheer up, Frank, you've won! Right, then, Eddie Monmouth, I'm arresting you for the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something you may later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
Oh.
I thought you'd be celebrating.
Nah, I don't need any fuss.
I'll cancel that Mariachi band I booked, then.
I've never seen Eddie give up without a fight.
Got you your own.
Thank you.
So that, um, CCTV clue yesterday, that was, yeah, that was good.
Yeah, working on those fraudulent invoices wasn't bad either.
Ah.
Thanks.
We've got new problems today.
Megan says that JJ made her embezzle the cash - and I believe her.
Just be ready to start the renovations tomorrow.
You must really burn through your minutes on that thing.
Good news.
Someone found the contract and they're willing to hand it over for 100,000.
If that's the going rate for a piece of paper, we need to up our prices.
Considering you haven't found it and poor old Lucky's met his maker, I'd say you're being paid handsomely.
How do you know it's real? They sent me photos of Lucky's signature.
Deliver the money to the address I'm pinging you now.
MESSAGE ALER Where you will find instructions to collect my contract.
Simple - even for you.
Aren't you forgetting something? That's an awful lot of cash to get together.
Chop, chop.
I'm a busy woman.
"Chop, chop!" "Chip, chip!" HE LAUGHS What? What? I can see the gears turning.
Let's just take a minute, shall we, to explore why you're so obsessed with Eddie.
HE TURNS ON DANCE MUSIC, SHE TURNS IT OFF HE TURNS IT ON AGAIN, SHE TURNS IT OFF HE SIGHS You see, the problem is, your work is your life.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
You dedicate all your time to it.
I don't.
I've got loads of hobbies! Name one.
Just one?!Yeah.
HE TURNS ON MUSIC Reading.
Reading PI Monthly doesn't count.
Going to the pub.
No, that's not a hobby.
It's a cliche! I'll have you know real ale tasting is practically a sport.
Look, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your one-track mind hasn't helped loads of people.
Some people would even call me a "hobbyist".
Who? See the thing is, the thing is that you have said Eddie was one of the biggest criminals you ever caught.
So maybe, deep down, you feel like Bear with me.
That you think that .
.
him being released early signifies that all of your sacrifice has been for nothing.
Just drive.
It's just something to think about.
Thanks for that, Babs.
My corns are killing me.
Just when I thought you'd revealed all your mysteries.
HE CHUCKLES, SHE GROANS I'll put the kettle on.
Lovely.
CLOCK TICKS HE CLEARS HIS THROA I was just admiring your collection.
My trophies? SHE CHUCKLES We took the Haul's team championships for the last 12 years.
All except in 2013 when my Tony passed, God rest him.
Oh, that must've been hard.
Oh, it was.
We were a team-mate short, but we still took second place, though.
KETTLE WHISTLES Oh, milk and sugar? WHISTLING GETS LOUDER Why not? HE TAKES PHOTOS QUIETLY:All this for a piece of paper.
Eww Paid for in Lucky's blood.
Yeah.
Must've been carrying it when he died.
You see, if the killer's selling the contract, then it can't be Eddie, can it? Cos he's in custody.
Maybe he's got an accomplice.
Who else would want Henrietta to have the Haul? Not JJ, that's for sure.
Call Henrietta.
At least it'll get her off our backs.
Oh, I've got a text.
A picture from Sebastian.
So, you were undercover all the time? I'm sorry, it's part of the job.
But don't you even care about bingo? I am a recent convert, thanks to you.
We, er .
.
need to talk to you about this, Mrs Quickly.
She never deserved it.
If anyone's the heart of the Haul, it's me! We're a bit more concerned with why you've got a murder weapon on your shelf.
What That That thing killed Lucky? Oh Well, I suppose it explains the stain.
But .
.
but I'd never hurt him! How did you come by it? SHE STAMMERS It's all changing out there.
My local's closed, the chippy, the corner shop .
.
all gone.
Even my Tony.
The Haul is the only thing I've got left.
And even that's changing, because of Megan.
Did you steal the trophy to get back at Megan? I've never stolen a thing in my life! I was walking home.
I saw her dumping it in a skip.
So I took it.
This wouldn't happen to be the night that Lucky was murdered, was it? Yes.
JJ: I thought you said lie low until the cops were gone!Things change.
What?! Who's coming for us? Who do you think? That PI and her grumpy sidekick! The invoices were your idea.
I don't have time for your whining! You take off now, they'll pin it on me.
What do I do? Not so keen on firing me, now you need me again.
Useless! You needed money, I made it happen.
When Lucky found out about our little scheme, I took care of it.
You - you what?! You'd be back in prison if I hadn't shut your mate up for good.
How about a "thank you"? HE EXHALES I didn't ask for that! SHE BANGS ON TABLE Thank you.
Was that so hard?! And we should be thanking you guys, too, for helping us crack the case.
I do hope I'm not the grumpy sidekick! You see, we've got the trophy, and we've got an eye-witness who saw you dumping it, but let's hear it from the horse's mouth, shall we? ON RECORDING:When Lucky found out about our little scheme, I took care of it.
How? This little fella.
A sound-activated audio bug.
We knew something was going on, we just didn't know what.
Ooh WEARILY:Why do they always run? Stop her! Let go of me!Do you mind telling me what's going on? She killed Lucky.
I knew it! I never liked you.
Oh, please! You hypocrites! This place would've been dead years ago without me, and all I get is grief.
Aww, poor Saint Lucky! As long as the customers were enjoying themselves, it didn't matter he kept his staff at the begging bowl.
He gave you a trophy.
I can't get a mortgage with a trophy! Oi, where do you think you're going with my trophy? Did you know about the sale? He shoved it my face.
Told me my betrayal just made him richer.
All that lovely money.
Thank you so much.
Why don't you go away, you stupid little girl? Eddie saw it all, maybe from the roof.
Then for some reason, he tidied up after ya.
Why would Eddie help ya?Ask him.
So you didn't kill Lucky over the contract? I didn't give it any thought till you showed up searching.
Then I thought I might finally get something out of Lucky after all.
I hope they burn the place down.
Number 11 Megan Poins, I'm arresting you for the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
Bingo! I knew you'd deliver.
Eventually.
It's just It's just a copy, the police kept the original for the murder investigation.
But the good news is, no pesky bloodstains.
SHE LAUGHS You've done your town a great service.
There's just, just one more thing.
Hm? You can't sell the Haul yet.
Or change it in any way.
Sure.
You might want to look up "Assets of Community Value", because the Haul's just become one.
What?!The building's protected from any development.
Reflecting its vital social contribution to the community.
It's bingo!Don't worry - you can sell it in six months, which gives the community time to raise the money to buy it.
At fair market value.
This is outrageous! I've just pinged you our invoice.
MESSAGE ALER If you think that a ragbag bunch of bingo wings are going to be able to raise that much cash? I don't know.
The leader of the fundraiser is pretty fierce.
Would you like to meet her? Sebastian? Right, me duck.
Shall we talk numbers? FRANK SIGHS Come on.
You can do it.
All right? Could be worse.
I miss the old days.
Black and white then, wasn't it? You were a crook, I caught ya.
Eventually.
But then you go and take the fall for Megan.
You two weren't Howay, man! She's the same age as me daughter.
Right.
You know, when I was in the joint, I used to think about me girl and what she was doing and how I'd be proud of her.
And then I see Megan, and Dunno, it just felt like I'd found her.
"Were it not for laughing, I should pity him.
" It's like when you're hungry, isn't it? You know you need a decent meal, but all you can find is a dodgy kebab.
So you fill the hole, even though you know it's not good for you.
I just felt like I should protect her.
What an idiot.
The CPS agree with you.
They're dropping the charges.
Well, I don't deserve that.
That's what I said.
Here, prove us both wrong.
What's this, like? It's your daughter's e-mail.
We found her.
What, I can talk to her? Well, she's given you permission to write at first.
You know, keep it slow.
Try and get back the things you lost.
Come on, guys.
You can do better than that! Shall we have a little group hug?
Five people accounted for, one injured.
I got you this time, Eddie.
Hostages are secure.
One victim unconscious upon entry, over.
Let's see who's behind door number two, shall we? It's not him! Search the bank, every inch of it.
Hathaway to Marlowe, suspect not arrested.
I repeat - suspect not arrested.
Search and secure the surrounding area, over.
Wait! Stop! Keep calm.
Look, take me, I won't fight.
Get in, guv'nor, and sit down! Close the doors.
It's all right, close 'em.
Give us that.
You lot try anything and he's a dead man.
I want a clean car and back off.
You were a stupid idiot getting in here.
Well .
.
it's been a while.
I just wanted a chat.
Yeah, well, I'll let this do the talking.
HE LAUGHS GENTLY What? CHUCKLING: Nothing.
You laughing at me?! HE LAUGHS I'm going to lock you up and throw away the key! HE LAUGHS THEY BOTH LAUGH LAUGHING: This ain't funny! I've got a gun! HE LAUGHS And if they don't let us go, I'm going to kill you! HE GUFFAWS You won't! I've just given us a massive dose of nitrous oxide!What?! Laughing gas! THEY LAUGH You know what's funny? LAUGHING: What?! You're nicked! THEY LAUGH LAUGHTER FROM INSIDE VAN Open the doors! THEY LAUGH LOUDLY HE SLURPS HIS TEA This is exciting.
We've been waiting ages for a new case.
Looks like we're going to be waiting a bit longer.
So, how MESSAGE SENDS Now I'm worried her tea will go cold, which would give an unnecessarily negative impression of my beverage-making capabilities.
Mm.
Always a million things to do.
"Let every man be master of his time.
" I was thinking exactly the same thing.
So, how can we help you, Mrs Bolingbroke? I've been developing a lot of property on Cheapside.
I'm sure you know it.
Time was you couldn't walk the streets in safety.
But now? It's transformed.
I took my mum to a new cafe there the other week, Hamlet and Eggs.
It was very, very now, very me.
SHE CHUCKLES It's the embodiment of the new Stratford - or would be, if not for a certain element.
Well, I can always stop Lou and her mum going there if they're dragging the place down? HE LAUGHS I'm talking about Lucky's Haul, a seedy gambling den.
What? The bingo place? It's just some old biddies betting a few quid, isn't it? I've heard disturbing reports.
Preying on the old and vulnerable.
I need you to go in, dig deep, and find the problems.
End Lucky's reign of depravity.
Er, with all due respect, that's not a lot to go on.
PHONE VIBRATES I have to take this.
Should my next call be to another agency? Chester Patterson, perhaps? Could you hold, please? When it comes to maintaining the moral fibre of the community, we are the agency for you.
Oh.
TO CALLER: Good news, we may have another development soon.
Well, that was easy.
What are you doing?! Just admiring my handiwork.
GQ called.
Yeah? The cover's available.
SEBASTIAN CHUCKLES I wish I'd never let you do this.
Oh, stop it, you look lovely.
You look very handsome.
IMPERSONATING JAMES BOND: The name's Hathaway.
Frank Hathaway.
AS JAMES BOND:Well, that would make you Moneypenny.
THEY LAUGH I dunno.
You make it sound like I was a right ragamuffin before you cut me hair, like some big, hairy yeti.
Sebastian? What are you doing here?! Viola! What a wonderful surprise! I never knew you played.
I don't - yet.
But I just thought I should try something new.
And you? Do you, um, come here often? Well, if I was here any longer, I'd have to pay the rent.
Come on, let me show you the ropes! Lead on.
HE CHUCKLES Welcome, welcome one and all to Lucky's Haul! I'm Joseph "JJ" Jacques, king of the bingo lingo, and your caller today.
And when you're with JJ ALL:It's always payday! Just two minutes till the numbers roll, so you've got time to wet your whistle at the bar or spend that penny.
I'll see you in a couple of mins, boys and girls.
Viola! Who's this dapper gent? This is my friend, Sebastian.
"Friend"? Ooh, I wouldn't mind a friend who looked like that! Bo! We're just mates! SHE CHUCKLES Bo Quickly.
Any friend of Viola's A pleasure.
So, are you a bingo fan, duck? Go on, show us your dabber.
WHISPERS NERVOUSLY: I beg your pardon? Your dabber!Be gentle, Bo.
Don't worry, I've got you covered.
I've got spares, snacks, tissues, toiletries, and a bit of Dutch courage.
A nip o' whisky makes you frisky! THEY LAUGH Good company, good whisky, good welcome.
Right, we're playing the Early Bird 90 ball.
Four corners nets you 15, lines get a Gertie, or go to town on �100 with a Full House.
If you're having fun, you've already won.
SoALL: Let's play bing-o-o-o-o! Woo! So, eyes down for your first number.
Take a look around, see if there's any cockroaches in the kitchen, see if there's any kids betting their pocket money, we'll go and collect the cheque.
CHUCKLING:Couldn't be easier.
Dirty Gertie, number 30! It's like Benny Hill running the church raffle.
This is a classic British pastime, I'll have you know.
All innuendo and sitting down.
THEY CHUCKLE See you later.
Use the purple dabber.
SHE CHUCKLES Welcome to Lucky's Haul.
The Early Bird's just started.
Oh, no, thank you.
We are here with the local newspaper, actually.
I'm Fran, this is Lou.
Lou.
And you're Megan? Oh, wow, you must be popular round here.
Don't.
Lucky insists it's displayed.
I'm the assistant manager.
How can I help? Well, we are doing an article, aren't we, on bingo halls and how they cope in the 21st century.
Great! About time someone did.
We were wondering, could we could have a look around, get a feel for the place.
Of course.
I can show you round now if you'd like? Oh, yeah.
It's so nice to see local news taking an interest.
Say bingo! BOTH:Bingo! BO LAUGHS Full house on your first go! Oh, you're one of us now, duck! SHE LAUGHS And this is Lucky's office.
Of course, he's not here.
Typical.
Wait here.
Well, while we're here, might as well have a gander.
Yeah, it'd be rude not to.
Look for anything incriminating.
You know, unpaid parking tickets, betting slips, dead bodies.
A book of accounts here, look.
Invoices, expenses.
SHE TAKES PHOTO Shame we can't do him for his ego, isn't it? HE CHUCKLES Look at the picture with his big head.
We should get one of those of you in our office.
SHE TAKES PHOTOS What're you doing? You can't photograph the whole book! Oh, shush.
Just watch the door.
I don't believe it! Frank?! VACUUM CLEANER STARTS Glad to see they taught you something useful in prison.
Frank Hathaway.
I heard they'd thrown you off the force.
I retired.
Oh, good.
Well, I won't get done for hitting a copper, then! All right.
Is this your idea of Hello.
Hi, I'm Fran.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, boss.
Here you go, boss.
Good as new.
You think I've got time to put away laundry? You missed a spot.
Hello, hi, excuse me, we're from the local paper Sorry, love, make an appointment.
I've gone straight.
Leave us be.
Oh, yeah?Lou? Frank? We're working! I've been coming here for donkeys.
Met my Tony here.
SHE LAUGHS But I don't hold that against 'em! Lucky must be quite the character.
Oh, he's lovely.
Him and JJ are the perfect dream team.
Oh, talk of the devil.
Lucky! All right? I am now I've seen you, darling! SHE CHUCKLES Oh, he knows his bingo, that man.
Oh - keep an eye on me dabber, will ya, darling? I'm just going to spend a penny while there's time.
I'll make the most.
THEY CHUCKLE Are you working? Why do you ask? Well, I've just seen Frank and Lou.
It's strange you're all here at the same time.
This place is important to me.
I don't want any trouble here, OK? You won't get any from me.
Argh.
We missed him.
Maybe we could play a couple of games, just wait for him to come back? "Going straight" - don't make me laugh! Is this the caretaker? Caretaker? Eddie Monmouth pulled a string of armed robberies.
He had me chasing my tail for months before I put him away.
Are we talking about the same guy? The one that was just fawning over Lucky? Don't be fooled.
He's probably infiltrating the Haul so he can clean it out.
Yeah, to be fair, I did see a hoover.
What? HE SIGHS.
Marlowe's really dropped the ball on this one.
I'm going to have a word with her.
Frank? What about the case? Oh, it's fine, yes, I'll sort it(!) Ah, Joseph! I'm not in the mood, Frank.
You look awful.
New baby keeping you awake at night, is she? Get off my car, please.
Sorry.
Yeah, it seems my little girl has about as must respect as you do for my time.
Talking about women who like to boss you around, where's Marlowe? She's not answering.
You've not heard? She's gone.
Where? On holiday? Find a Sergeant with a brain between his ears?If that's your attitude I'm joking.
SIREN Look, I really need to talk to her.
She's been promoted.
Special task-force.
Top level, very hush-hush.
When's she coming back? No time soon.
Well, she wouldn't just leave without saying.
This is awkward.
Maybe you weren't that close after all.
SIGHING:All right, look.
An ex-con's got out early, Eddie Monmouth.
I'm not Marlowe.
So, you've got a phone, call the switchboard.
There's a dangerous man loose on the streets.
I'm not your lackey! You're a lazy bottom-feeder, Frank, getting paid off our hard work.
You're not one of us any more.
No more easy rides.
Got baby-sick on your tie.
Wey! You're so childish.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Not! Yes, you are.
I'm not.
33, cup of tea.
Ah 22, thanking you.
Where has Frank got to? 65, he's on the skive.
79 is There is Oh, forget it.
You win.
Jammy one, you are mine.
He's supposed to be helping me make sense of these accounts we found at the Haul.
Anything useful so far? Just boring numbers.
If he's having another lie-in, I will kill him.
PHONE VIBRATES POLICE RADIO CHATTER Viola.
Frank.
Caught a bad one? Yeah, it's pretty gruesome.
Murder? There will be if Keeler catches me talking to you.
Go on, throw us a bone.
I'd do the same for you.
I wouldn't usually, but this one's personal.
They found a body this morning.
Blunt force trauma to the head.
Frank! What did I say? No more freebies.
PC Deacon was just saying exactly the same thing.
So, who's the vic? Unless you're a cop, a coroner or a priest, it's none of your business.
There's no shame in asking.
I mean, if you don't know who he is I know who he is.
Oh, so it's a "he" then? Interesting.
Look, whoever the victim is, I know the suspect - Eddie Monmouth.
The man I came to talk to you about.
Any proof he's done anything other than annoy you? The proof's in that tent! Stop sniffing around.
It's embarrassing.
Bye, Frank! Lucky's been murdered.
What?! Oh Oh, Viola and Bo will be so upset.
I hate to say I told you so! Where's Lou?Looking for you.
So, do you think Eddie did it? Lucky probably found him casing the joint and he got killed for it.
I tell ya, he's not going to get away with it, cos I'm onto him.
Just write my condolences and send it, OK?Here we go.
When I hired you to end Lucky's reign, did you go too far? Are you asking me if I killed him?! Cos that's not what I meant, and I won't be billed for it.
Hang on! You had more motive to kill him than I did.
Our associate said you were looking very cosy together yesterday.
Did you see us?Our associate did.
Well, exactly.
Why would I want him dead when he finally agreed to sell? Er, "sell"? You said he's been fending you off for years.
Well, I was as shocked as you are, but he asked to see me, wanting a quick sale.
He was supposed to bring the contract last night, but never showed up.
That's Lucky.
Infuriating me to the end.
I'd work on the eulogy.
THEY CHUCKLE I'm sorry he's dead, but there's nothing I can do about it now except mourn .
.
and ensure his final wish is carried out.
EMPHATICALLY: Find that contract! Then he should've made you assistant manager.
Just you wait till Lucky's widow comes back from Benidorm, she'll get things sorted.
You haven't asked the staff what they want, and we want Megan.
You have been here for five minutes! Not a lot of mourning going on.
Look, the press are back.
Let's not give them tomorrow's headline.
Don't mind us.
They're not press, they're PIs.
If you're looking for a real snake-in-the-grass, look no further.
Thanks, Eddie.
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw you both out.
Oh, I don't know, how about because you're not in charge? Don't you think we should focus on this first? We were only lying in a professional capacity.
Yeah, we're actually quite nice when you get to know us.
How can we trust you two? Yeah, for all we know, you might've offed Lucky! Why does everyone keep thinking that? Because you come round here, skulking around, scoping the place out.
And the very next day Yeah, when you put it like that SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY So, Lucky may have signed a contract selling the Haul to Henrietta Bolingbroke before he died.
We're trying to find it.
What, sell the Haul? To her?! Over Lucky's dead body!Exactly.
Look, he was my best friend for over 30 years, there's no way he'd sell The Haul to that hooty-toot.
Well, she said he did.
And she's not going to stop until she gets what she wants.
Why don't you let us a have a little look round, and if we don't find anything, Henrietta won't have a leg to stand on, will she? We've got nothing to hide.
If you want to poke around, that's fine.
You can't do that!Can't I? Seeing as you like Lucky's office so much, go help them search it.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Sorry about Lucky, it's reallyunlucky.
Thanks.
How much longer? We'd go quicker if you helped.
Or told us where else we could look.
Have you tried the toilet? He did all his best thinking in there.
Still haven't checked in here.
I told ya, I haven't got the combination.
Well, who has?Lucky! Are we done? I want to go to the airport, pick up his missus, get things sorted out.
One last thing.
Who hired the caretaker? Some businesses don't like parolees.
Maybe we believe in second chances.
So you knew he was an ex-con? You two? I might've known.
Mr Jacques, I've come to take your statement.
Can I have you outside, please? But it's my office! RidiculousThank you.
Will you STOP interfering with my witnesses?! We're here on official business, actually.
Our client has asked us to find a missing contract.
And that trumps murder, does it? Why isn't Eddie in handcuffs yet? Because I'm not just picking out people I don't like and saying "He done it".
You got anything back from forensics yet? None of your business.
CHUCKLING:You haven't got no clue, have you? I bet he hasn't even checked the CCTV.
What're you talking about? Yes, we have, there's nothing there.
Oh! Who said we wouldn't have that same close relationship that me and Marlowe had, eh?You just stay out of my way! SEAGULLS CRY I said search the kitchens, not investigate the cake.
I'm just being thorough.
Frank.
Eddie.
Lou.
I want a word.
Yeah, a few spring to mind.
Oh, it's a long way down, isn't it? I can see the crime scene from here.
Will you stop chasing us? I'm out of the life.
Unlucky that, then, eh? First job you get, there's a murder.
I wouldn't put that on your CV.
Ooh, there's Keeler.
Hello! Bye! Not very nice! You won't find anything here, and I've done me time.
What, eight out of 20 years?! What about all those people you terrorised? That family that got caught up in the Gad's Hill raid? I'd take it back if I could.
I sat in that hospital with those kids all night, waiting for their dad to pull through and it's all because of you.
I paid for it! I lost me family.
When I was inside, me missus went off with another fella, moved away.
Now my daughter calls another bloke "Dad".
20 years? I'd have done 100 years just for five minutes with me little girl.
You chose the life.
You've got no-one else to blame.
Yeah, you're right.
I've got no-one.
It's time we stopped looking for bits of paper and started searching for a killer.
Look, I hate to sound like you here, but that's not what we're being paid for.
Like you say, sometimes you have to do the right thing.
All right, fine.
You do what you want.
But when you need me, I'll be doing our job.
Listen, hot goss Ooh! What is that?Yeah, don't ask.
I have searched that Haul from top to bottom, every filthy nook and cranny.
Nothing.
I even had to go in the men's.
Urgh, even I don't go in there! SHE SIGHS Listen, this'll cheer you up.
I've been digging up dirt on Eddie.
Hang on.
I hope you mean the contract.
Because I have nearly ruined my second-best jacket trying to find that thing.
Frank said that Eddie was the priority now.
Can you make your minds up, please?! Well, I thought we had.
Fine, go on.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA Bo said JJ is a big gambler.
Racked up huge debts, even served a year in prison for assaulting some bailiffs who were repossessing his house.
Oh! We should check if Eddie and JJ's stint in prison overlapped.
And you've ruined the surprise.
Unbelievable.
What, they did? They were in the same place? At the same time.
With 2,000 other inmates, but still.
PHONE RINGS HE CLEARS HIS THROA Shakespeare and Hathaway Is Lou there? Put her on the phone.
Mr Rude on line 1.
It's on.
Eddie's going for the safe tonight.
He went to a hardware store.
My money's on safecracking tools.
But he could've been buying anything.
What, like "fork handles"?! The only way he'd spend that much money on gear is for a job.
Have you got anything more concrete? He bought a pizza? Hm.
Going hungry on a heist, big no-no.
Don't you have work to do? Look, Lou, I know it's thin, but I'm telling ya, he's going to crack that safe tonight.
If you get here now we can catch him in the act! DRILL WHIRS HE CHUCKLES TRIUMPHANTLY I hope they kept your cell tidy, you are in so much trouble.
FrankI can't wait to see the look on Keeler's face.
No need.
All right, Frank? What're you doing here?! I'm preventing a robbery.
Lucky died without leaving the combination.
I told the boys they can access it, as long as I'm supervising, in case there's evidence inside.
Do you know how much the manufacturer charges for a call-out? You do know these two shared prison time? Yeah.
I'm a step ahead of you, mate.
All right, he looked after me when I was inside.
Fair enough.
Now I'm finding him a job.
Does Megan know all this? I'm in charge now.
The widow has complete trust in me.
And because I care about the staff, I'm letting Megan stay on.
For now.
Let's get on with it, yeah? Have a look, Frank.
You might learn something.
Ah.
Looks like I was wrong.
There's nothing left to steal.
What?! Are you kidding me, Lucky?! Not even a penny?! You mad, purple-hued maltworm! And you.
You're cursed! Nothing but bad luck since you arrived! Get out! Go on, get out! Better luck next time, eh, kids? Well, that's great, isn't it? It's going to be hard to find this contract when we've been chucked out! Yeah.
At least we know why Lucky sold - the safe was empty.
Must've been money troubles.
We lost, Frank! No Eddie, no contract.
Even Keeler thinks we're idiots.
Keeler! Yeah, it was a bit of a dead end, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I won't let it happen again.
Right, well, good.
Next time he's going down! You're not listening to me, are you?! This ego-trip down memory lane is costing us work.
You're supposed to be the pragmatic one here, so just get a grip! Oh, Lou? Come back! You're me lift.
"And as the morning steals upon the night, melting the darkness" Stop moaning.
PHONE VIBRATES Urgh.
Hello.
Hi.
Still angry with me, then?A bit.
I mean, Henrietta is.
She was practically frothing at the mouth this morning.
Sorry I missed that.
HE SIGHS Look, you know I think you're the best female PI in our office, don't ya? Eh? Shut up.
Right, I had an idea last night.
Do you remember how the Haul's accounts were a big mess? I think I've worked out why.
He was being ripped off.
How do you mean? There are invoices charging for things the Haul doesn't have, from companies that just don't exist.
Someone's been embezzling.
Was there a signature on the payments? Megan Poins.
We need to find her.
Yeah, don't worry.
I'm on it.
HE SHOUTS, SEBASTIAN SCREAMS FRANK LAUGHS Hello.
I know how you paid for that breakfast.
Sorry? What's this? That is all the fake invoices you made out to pocket the profits.
You see, I've searched that Haul from top to bottom, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see the dozen nymph statues you forked out for.
And that staffroom refurbishment - that's just a deck-chair on the roof, really, isn't it? I can explain this.
Yeah, good.
You can do that to the police.
They're going to think I did it.
Well, you did, didn't you? They can be here in ten minutes and I'm pretty sure they're going to want to connect this stolen money to Lucky's death.
Hang on! I didn't kill him! Yes, I stole the money, but I didn't want to.
What, somebody forced you to? Yeah.
Well, sort of.
I'm ringing.
He tricked me, OK? When Lucky put me on the accounts, JJ got me to pay some invoices.
I didn't realise they were dodgy.
You must've realised.
By then, it was too late.
He said it was my signature and I'd be the one arrested.
SHE SIGHS I'm a fool.
I worked every hour God sent to get where I am, trying to be this kick-ass professional woman, and in the end I'm just a pawn in a man's game.
SHE CRIES Here come the waterworks.
What you must think of me Let me see if I can work out a way to prove that JJ coerced you before I report it.
It won't get you off the hook, but .
.
we might be able to hang him on a bigger one, eh? KEELER:Eddie Monmouth, stay where you are! We're arresting you for Lucky's murder.
What?! What're you talking about? We've found traces of his DNA all over Lucky's clothing.
Shouldn't you be arresting me for doing his dry-cleaning, then? What about the CCTV camera covering the back? The one showing you threatening the shopkeeper, eh? To make him wipe the footage? It was part of his MO, back in the day.
No! It can't be It's all right.
Yeah, I did it.
You're confessing? You saw the way he was with me.
Treated me like dirt, like I wasn't a man.
Something just happened that night.
I just snapped.
I followed him outside, and I didn't mean to kill him, it just kind of got out of hand.
What did you kill him with?What? Frank, I'll ask the questions here.
What did you kill him with? It was a Like a trophy that Lucky was carrying.
I threw it in the river just outside town.
Can't remember where.
That tallies with the flecks of gold paint we found on the back of his head.
Cheer up, Frank, you've won! Right, then, Eddie Monmouth, I'm arresting you for the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something you may later rely on in court.
Anything you do say may be given in evidence.
Oh.
I thought you'd be celebrating.
Nah, I don't need any fuss.
I'll cancel that Mariachi band I booked, then.
I've never seen Eddie give up without a fight.
Got you your own.
Thank you.
So that, um, CCTV clue yesterday, that was, yeah, that was good.
Yeah, working on those fraudulent invoices wasn't bad either.
Ah.
Thanks.
We've got new problems today.
Megan says that JJ made her embezzle the cash - and I believe her.
Just be ready to start the renovations tomorrow.
You must really burn through your minutes on that thing.
Good news.
Someone found the contract and they're willing to hand it over for 100,000.
If that's the going rate for a piece of paper, we need to up our prices.
Considering you haven't found it and poor old Lucky's met his maker, I'd say you're being paid handsomely.
How do you know it's real? They sent me photos of Lucky's signature.
Deliver the money to the address I'm pinging you now.
MESSAGE ALER Where you will find instructions to collect my contract.
Simple - even for you.
Aren't you forgetting something? That's an awful lot of cash to get together.
Chop, chop.
I'm a busy woman.
"Chop, chop!" "Chip, chip!" HE LAUGHS What? What? I can see the gears turning.
Let's just take a minute, shall we, to explore why you're so obsessed with Eddie.
HE TURNS ON DANCE MUSIC, SHE TURNS IT OFF HE TURNS IT ON AGAIN, SHE TURNS IT OFF HE SIGHS You see, the problem is, your work is your life.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
You dedicate all your time to it.
I don't.
I've got loads of hobbies! Name one.
Just one?!Yeah.
HE TURNS ON MUSIC Reading.
Reading PI Monthly doesn't count.
Going to the pub.
No, that's not a hobby.
It's a cliche! I'll have you know real ale tasting is practically a sport.
Look, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your one-track mind hasn't helped loads of people.
Some people would even call me a "hobbyist".
Who? See the thing is, the thing is that you have said Eddie was one of the biggest criminals you ever caught.
So maybe, deep down, you feel like Bear with me.
That you think that .
.
him being released early signifies that all of your sacrifice has been for nothing.
Just drive.
It's just something to think about.
Thanks for that, Babs.
My corns are killing me.
Just when I thought you'd revealed all your mysteries.
HE CHUCKLES, SHE GROANS I'll put the kettle on.
Lovely.
CLOCK TICKS HE CLEARS HIS THROA I was just admiring your collection.
My trophies? SHE CHUCKLES We took the Haul's team championships for the last 12 years.
All except in 2013 when my Tony passed, God rest him.
Oh, that must've been hard.
Oh, it was.
We were a team-mate short, but we still took second place, though.
KETTLE WHISTLES Oh, milk and sugar? WHISTLING GETS LOUDER Why not? HE TAKES PHOTOS QUIETLY:All this for a piece of paper.
Eww Paid for in Lucky's blood.
Yeah.
Must've been carrying it when he died.
You see, if the killer's selling the contract, then it can't be Eddie, can it? Cos he's in custody.
Maybe he's got an accomplice.
Who else would want Henrietta to have the Haul? Not JJ, that's for sure.
Call Henrietta.
At least it'll get her off our backs.
Oh, I've got a text.
A picture from Sebastian.
So, you were undercover all the time? I'm sorry, it's part of the job.
But don't you even care about bingo? I am a recent convert, thanks to you.
We, er .
.
need to talk to you about this, Mrs Quickly.
She never deserved it.
If anyone's the heart of the Haul, it's me! We're a bit more concerned with why you've got a murder weapon on your shelf.
What That That thing killed Lucky? Oh Well, I suppose it explains the stain.
But .
.
but I'd never hurt him! How did you come by it? SHE STAMMERS It's all changing out there.
My local's closed, the chippy, the corner shop .
.
all gone.
Even my Tony.
The Haul is the only thing I've got left.
And even that's changing, because of Megan.
Did you steal the trophy to get back at Megan? I've never stolen a thing in my life! I was walking home.
I saw her dumping it in a skip.
So I took it.
This wouldn't happen to be the night that Lucky was murdered, was it? Yes.
JJ: I thought you said lie low until the cops were gone!Things change.
What?! Who's coming for us? Who do you think? That PI and her grumpy sidekick! The invoices were your idea.
I don't have time for your whining! You take off now, they'll pin it on me.
What do I do? Not so keen on firing me, now you need me again.
Useless! You needed money, I made it happen.
When Lucky found out about our little scheme, I took care of it.
You - you what?! You'd be back in prison if I hadn't shut your mate up for good.
How about a "thank you"? HE EXHALES I didn't ask for that! SHE BANGS ON TABLE Thank you.
Was that so hard?! And we should be thanking you guys, too, for helping us crack the case.
I do hope I'm not the grumpy sidekick! You see, we've got the trophy, and we've got an eye-witness who saw you dumping it, but let's hear it from the horse's mouth, shall we? ON RECORDING:When Lucky found out about our little scheme, I took care of it.
How? This little fella.
A sound-activated audio bug.
We knew something was going on, we just didn't know what.
Ooh WEARILY:Why do they always run? Stop her! Let go of me!Do you mind telling me what's going on? She killed Lucky.
I knew it! I never liked you.
Oh, please! You hypocrites! This place would've been dead years ago without me, and all I get is grief.
Aww, poor Saint Lucky! As long as the customers were enjoying themselves, it didn't matter he kept his staff at the begging bowl.
He gave you a trophy.
I can't get a mortgage with a trophy! Oi, where do you think you're going with my trophy? Did you know about the sale? He shoved it my face.
Told me my betrayal just made him richer.
All that lovely money.
Thank you so much.
Why don't you go away, you stupid little girl? Eddie saw it all, maybe from the roof.
Then for some reason, he tidied up after ya.
Why would Eddie help ya?Ask him.
So you didn't kill Lucky over the contract? I didn't give it any thought till you showed up searching.
Then I thought I might finally get something out of Lucky after all.
I hope they burn the place down.
Number 11 Megan Poins, I'm arresting you for the murder of "Lucky" Gareth Green.
Bingo! I knew you'd deliver.
Eventually.
It's just It's just a copy, the police kept the original for the murder investigation.
But the good news is, no pesky bloodstains.
SHE LAUGHS You've done your town a great service.
There's just, just one more thing.
Hm? You can't sell the Haul yet.
Or change it in any way.
Sure.
You might want to look up "Assets of Community Value", because the Haul's just become one.
What?!The building's protected from any development.
Reflecting its vital social contribution to the community.
It's bingo!Don't worry - you can sell it in six months, which gives the community time to raise the money to buy it.
At fair market value.
This is outrageous! I've just pinged you our invoice.
MESSAGE ALER If you think that a ragbag bunch of bingo wings are going to be able to raise that much cash? I don't know.
The leader of the fundraiser is pretty fierce.
Would you like to meet her? Sebastian? Right, me duck.
Shall we talk numbers? FRANK SIGHS Come on.
You can do it.
All right? Could be worse.
I miss the old days.
Black and white then, wasn't it? You were a crook, I caught ya.
Eventually.
But then you go and take the fall for Megan.
You two weren't Howay, man! She's the same age as me daughter.
Right.
You know, when I was in the joint, I used to think about me girl and what she was doing and how I'd be proud of her.
And then I see Megan, and Dunno, it just felt like I'd found her.
"Were it not for laughing, I should pity him.
" It's like when you're hungry, isn't it? You know you need a decent meal, but all you can find is a dodgy kebab.
So you fill the hole, even though you know it's not good for you.
I just felt like I should protect her.
What an idiot.
The CPS agree with you.
They're dropping the charges.
Well, I don't deserve that.
That's what I said.
Here, prove us both wrong.
What's this, like? It's your daughter's e-mail.
We found her.
What, I can talk to her? Well, she's given you permission to write at first.
You know, keep it slow.
Try and get back the things you lost.
Come on, guys.
You can do better than that! Shall we have a little group hug?