Stella (2012) s03e01 Episode Script

So today we're gonna learn about choking.
Now, choking's very common on the wards, meal times being most popular.
You get your silent chokers - choke very silently.
One minute they're sat there, next minute they've choked, they've gone, and no-one's none the wiser.
Personally, I prefer a noisy choker, cos I've got more chance of getting to them.
Now, Mrs Wong here has agreed to help us with choking.
She's gonna choke, and I'm gonna show you the basic moves.
Right, start choking.
So she's choking, I've noticed, I'm over, I'm standing her up.
I'm opening the mouth, I'm sweeping the finger and I'm round, then it's one, two, three and Choke over.
Questions? Can you say all that again? "And Then She Smiles" by The Mock Turtles And then she smiles And my heart stops beating I go weak inside - Would you do tea tonight for everyone? Tuna pasta or baps? - Yeah.
Only I got lectures till five and then I'm going to the doctor.
- Make sure you tell her everything, all right? - All right.
- The mood swings, the flushes, the not sleeping.
- OK! I don't know why you waited so long.
What do you think of this one? Absolutely ridiculous.
- She looks like a kettle! - Oh, shut up! You got no sense of style, honestly! Ben! I'm not telling you again, get down here sharpish, you're gonna be late! Oh, Sunny's having Abhra this weekend so I'm gonna do a load more applications.
Oh, that's the spirit.
I will get a job, won't I? There's always Merna's.
She'd have you in a jiffy.
Mam! I didn't spend all that time in college just to end up at Merna's! Well, Pepe's on the lookout for new delivery boys, mind! Shut up.
Hey, I thought you'd still be in bed! Zoe said you was on your rounds till two.
Oh, you make me sound like a doctor, Mam, not a bloody pizza boy.
- Well, it's a job, innit? - Exactly.
Well that's debatable.
He was up with Jack, six o'clock this morning! Right little live wire, weren't you? - There's some Ready Brek in the thing.
- Oh, thanks.
Ben! I am not telling you again! Is that lot for me to do? You don't mind, do you love? God, no, it'll only take me a half hour and we really need the cash.
Well, you got me out of a hole, I can tell you.
I got a backlog sky-high.
Oh! Incoming! How's them swollen ankles? They've gone down a bit.
I feel so bloody ugly, mind.
Like a rhino.
There's nothing wrong with a rhino.
Beautiful animal.
Do you think I'd suit a skinhead? I worry about you sometimes.
All them fumes from all that hair dye going to your head.
Loads of top names have had skinheads at one point or another.
Go on, name them.
What's her name off that film.
And the presenter with the nose stud.
Be awful cold, mind.
Emma, seriously, you're not having a skinhead.
Apart from anything else, Aunty Brenda would never shut up about it.
Now, there's a thought - Aunty Brenda with a skinhead.
Oh, my God, can you imagine! - Here he is, Mammy's little ray of sunshine.
- Letter.
- Aww.
- Get off! Oh, you know you love me really.
Oh! - Your Aunty Paula's having a ball.
- What's she say? "Having a ball.
Dai's learning salsa" Can you imagine?! "See you Christmas.
" Jesus! I got an interview! Mam, I got an interview! Where?! Let's have a look.
At Jensen's! Where Amy Edwards works.
Oh, Mam, that's proper like proper, that is.
He's won awards and everything.
Oh, Em, that's fantastic! Oh, well done! Check you out! Ey, your sister? Job interview.
Cutty cutty hairy hair.
Yes.
Sweet.
Girl, you really got me going You got me so I don't know what I'm doing Yeah, you really got me now You got me so I can't sleep at night Here you go, kid.
Oh, cheers.
I can't offer you a biscuit, I won't have them in the house.
Loud and clear, Bren.
Loud and clear.
Ey, guess what! Emma have got an interview! Up Jensen's, that fancy salon in town.
Oh, I'm sorry, kid.
It goes from bad to worse with that girl, don't it? What you on about? Well, pregnant at 16 then her marriage breaks down and now she got to go grovelling hand and foot to that poncey little perm monger? They won't do you a perm at Jensen's, Aunty Bren.
- Not in a million.
- Well, that as may be.
Yeah, well, I'll tell her you said good luck, shall I?! Three weeks I been living here and not once have she invited me for tea.
It's cos she's on the change.
It'd do terrible things to the memory.
So I've heard.
Hey! You've sold it, then? Moving in tomorrow.
And who are they? I'm not at liberty to say.
Data protection, Aunty Bren.
It's rife.
.
.
Let my eyes feast on the first of the morning light And from the leaves of the whispering trees Greet the lyrics I've yet to write We have for you today the classic English breakfast with a modern French twist.
I like the presentation very much.
The use of colour with the orange of the egg yolk set against the vibrant red of tomato just inviting me in.
The bacon is cooked to perfection and your trompette de la mort is an absolute triumph.
Now, pass me the HP, is it? I can drop you off at school if you want.
I'm away to see Jan.
- Does Jan wear a wig when you're talking to her? - What? No, man, she's not a judge - she's a solicitor.
Solicitors don't wear wigs.
And she's not gonna change her mind, is she, Dad? Little Alan, no-one is gonna make you live with Keith and your mam, and no-one is gonna send you to boarding school.
Today's just about tying up the loose ends.
All right? Now, what about this sausage? Tarragon and thyme? Yeah.
I knew it.
The only pre-nuptial agreement I should have had with you is that we don't get married! Well, you're not listening to me! You're not listening to me! You're not listening to Oh, well, I'm sorry you're upset.
It must be very hard holding down a job, going through a divorce, taking the shirt off my back and having to remember to be a self-obsessed arse all at the same time! There's a fire starting in my heart Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark Finally I can see you crystal clear No! Well, you divorced me! Come on, for God's sake! As for ancillary relief, I imagine that's what you give Andy "Wanker" Wandy every night in our marital bed! What? It's my right of way! Just let me keep the car.
Please let me keep the car! I've got a dog, for God's sake! Yes, I said arse.
Big fat money-grabbing arse.
Excuse me, I'm on the phone! Right No, because Becau Look, I've gotta go.
There's a lunatic attacking my car! What do you think you're doing?! Are you insane?! Listen, sunshine, firstly you are blocking the road and I'm late, selfish! Secondly talking on the phone whilst driving is against the law.
And I've got your registration number and will quite happily report you to the police.
Well, firstly, back at you, I'm also late.
Secondly, I'm not blocking the road, I'm pulling out.
Thirdly, if you report me to the police, it's your word against mine.
Believe me, they will not thank you for wasting their time! Plus, I happen to be a lawyer, so Now, are you gonna get out of my way so we can both get on? You're an idiot.
No, you're an idiot.
No, you're an idiot! You are! No, you are, and I called you it first so I don't care.
I called you it second, so We could have had it all Alan Williams, to see Jan Jackson.
Hello, Alan, come on through.
I'll be glad to put all this behind me, to be honest.
It's been a very stressful couple of years for me and Little Al.
Of course.
Every day he's on at me - "Is everything OK, Dad? "Am I staying with you, Dad?" Does your head in after a bit, I can tell you.
Well, yes, and as you know you have indeed been awarded custody but that doesn't give you carte blanche in the upbringing of Little Alan.
It's a joint responsibility with your ex-wife and the court took very seriously some of her concerns.
What concerns? OK, so as a nurse you gotta be a team player cos you gotta work with all sorts.
Doctors - obvious, anaesthetists - obvious, surgeons - obvious, matrons - obvious, relatives - obvious, 'munity workers - not so obvious, 'munity mental nurses - even less obvious, anatomical pathology technicians that's the mortuary, and chefs.
But how do you tell the difference between them all? Simple answer - you can't.
Don't chefs wear them big white hats? No.
It's a hospital, not a restaurant.
But Tom isn't as stupid as we all think.
Familiarise yourself with these uniforms - you're in with a fighting chance.
Cheryl, I am so sorry.
There was this moron blocking the road and I couldn't get past.
And then we had a row Not listening.
You are late.
This is a yellow card! TOM SNIGGERS Shut up! Sorry.
So, basically, I gotta put Little Alan on a diet.
In a nutshell.
He'll be devastated.
Let's not panic.
You'll get help from social services and it's simply to ensure that Little Alan is following a healthy lifestyle.
You know, eating properly, getting plenty of exercise, then after a couple of months they'll review things just to make sure he's going in the right direction.
Yeah, but what if he isn't? What if he gets fatter? Will they take him away from me then? When does Little Alan turn 16? - April.
- Well, by then he won't even be under the court's jurisdiction, so come his 16th birthday, he can eat whatever he likes.
He wants to be a chef, see.
Food's his life.
KNOCK ON DOOR Yes - About the car - I'm with a client! - Obviously, I'm sorry I called you an arse.
- Michael But please don't make me sell it! We're not having this conversation.
I'm with a client! Michael, you've got a prison visit in half an hour.
Yes! Thank you.
She's very good, you know.
- I know.
- Oh, yeah.
There's nothing she won't get for you once she puts her mind to it.
That shark knows every corner of the tank.
I'm sorry I ain't good enough no more Can't seem to make you laugh like once before I guess I could have told you how I feel Oh, my biggest flaw is that I don't reveal I just conceal I done your shirts, Daddy.
Bloody hell, it's like the grave in here! Mind, it's still early.
How'd yesterday go, any takers? Ey kub deedis.
The fools.
Bloody bargain, that! Anything else we can help you with? No.
Just this.
From Paula.
Oh, by the way, I've done my best but the collar on that line dancing shirt is an absolute mare! Ta.
Christmas?! I thought she was coming back next month! Well, it's not like you're rushed off your feet, is it, Bobs? Eeski plwyar, bedi.
Look You know where you're going wrong, don't you? Oh, I'm sure you'll enlighten us.
Lionel Evans.
Got buried on top of Barker's Hill? Had special dispensation from the council? Your point being?! Location, location, location - Oh, stahybayh - Location.
Lionel's buried in a beautiful spot.
People pay their respects to him, they get the whole panorama of the valley.
You want my opinion? That's all your modern corpse wants these days - a plot with a view.
Oh, bollocks, I'm late.
So long! They're pretty straightforward.
One a day like you would with the pill.
You'll be surprised how quickly they take effect.
I'm probably gonna put on weight, aren't I? Maybe, but at least you can kiss goodbye to the sleeplessness and hot flushes.
Erm, can I just ask, is it true that your, erm you know? Your sex drive goes up? Yeah.
You'll be rampant.
I'm single.
Maybe get yourself to Ann Summers, then.
- Can I have a prescription for that? - No.
No.
'You have no new messages.
' Not a sausage.
Not a single booking for the buy one, get one free.
Uh, kozey adel flowyl.
- All that effort.
Complete waste of time.
- Kozey adel flowyl Yes, I heard you the first time.
Patience may well be a virtue but the thing's gone belly up.
And here we are now digging ourselves even deeper in the mire buying holes on the black market! Where the hell is he? Jesu Mawr Edwin! Don't be creeping up on me like that.
I'll have heart attack! Egus ape an eit a trubbel awoy vaday! Tres drole.
Right, what you got for me? Half a dozen nice little plots, over by the elm tree.
Beautiful view.
I checked them for root displacement, rats, moles, the whole caboodle.
And it's definite now, isn't it? Cos I don't want no coming up in the day and finding them filled.
Safe as the grave.
But rumour has it you got no bodies to put in them.
Yes, well rumour does as rumour What rumour says.
Hmm? Ru-mour.
Now bugger off before anyone sees you.
And clean your teeth! Oh, God! That's all we need - the good time had by all.
Well, well, well If it isn't the undertaker's undertaker.
Gwyn.
Guchischla blufiheetl.
Takes one to know one.
Don't rise to it, Daddy, don't lower yourself.
Word on the street is business is bad.
Er, for you or for us? Don't try and wing it, Bobby Jean.
Everyone knows Simpson's can't get a corpse these days for love nor money.
I give it four weeks before your whole outfit sinks six-feet-under.
Well, you'll have a long wait, Gwyneth Thomas, cos we got stiffs coming at us from all over South Wales, haven't we, Daddy? In fact, must dash - cremations to book, coffins to fill Don't look at me like that, all right! There's only one thing for it.
I'll have to pay the boys a visit.
You're doing a grand job there, boy.
Well, you know what they say - lick of paint, painted lick.
Hey, talking of which - how was the second honeymoon? - Oh, it've put us back on track, haven't it, Glen? - Aye, love.
And now we're off to see a man about a horse.
It's not a horse, Glen! Ey, hush now, love - you'll spoil it! See you, bach.
Hello, Doggy Man! Verv! I never thought I'd see you ever again.
I told you, "Keep the faith", babes.
I just had to go on my journey, you know? I had to find myself.
And did you? Yeah, I did, as it goes.
But then I lost myself again, so I had to look a bit harder.
And then I found myself.
Where were you? Koh Samui.
I heard you went to 'Nam.
Yeah.
I had this baby done down 'Nam.
Badger.
Flamingo.
Hey Hey, what's up, Doggy Man? Nothing I, er I can't believe you're back, Verv.
I thought I'd lost my Chihuahua for good.
Come on, babes.
I'm 'ere now.
Chihuahua's 'ere.
Does your mother know you're back in the land? Not yet.
Hey, I give you that key for use of the facilities, good boy.
Not as so you can put your feet up! Vivienne Hello, Mam.
She've come home, Aunty Bren.
My Chihuahua have come home.
Yeah.
Got a nice cup of tea for you here, sweetheart.
Do you know, it's amazing this new language you've learnt.
What's it called again? "Grunt", is it? I was telling the other nurses about it.
Mam! I'm just having an in-depth with my son.
He will not shut up! - I'm trying to sleep! - Mam! Is this all right? - It's definitely different! - Oh, my God, do I look awful? Oh, I look awful, don't I? - Oh Mam what am I gonna do?! - Emma! You look fantastic.
But what you getting ready now for? The interview's not for seven hours! I know but I don't want to be late! She's a silly Mammy, isn't she? - You taking him over Jag and Tan's later? - Yeah.
You know I'll have him.
It's no bother, honest.
Ho-ho! Tanisha'd go spare! Any chance to demonstrate she's a better grandmother than me, she's in like Flyn.
- Oh, don't have a go now.
- I'm not! We all know I'm the best Nana, don't we, Abs? Right, can I please use the bathroom now? Stell? The door was open.
Oh, Christ, she'll be wanting to talk about Verv again.
Three hours she was here last night, going on! I'll be down now! How come they never spoke for all that time? Can you imagine you and me not speaking for five years? - Never! You're both too chopsy.
- Oi! Oh, will you do Abhra's breakfast? He'll cover me in food! Come on, then.
Ooh, yay! A jibbering wreck, that's what I am.
A jibbering wreck! It have shook the foundations from under my nose.
- Yeah, you said last night.
I've made him some toast.
- Oh, lovely.
Self first, self last that girl.
Always been Vivienne's way.
I've never liked her.
Using the washer, she was, this morning - bold as a butcher! Yeah, well, you did always complain she wasn't very clean.
And, of course, he stayed the night didn't he? Eric bloody Clapton.
Oh, Aunty Brenda, they were together for nearly five years! Who, Yanto and Verv? Yeah - engaged and everything.
I didn't get a wink of sleep.
At it all night, they were.
Like feral cats.
Oh, thanks for the image Well, it can't carry on.
I've told her.
If she don't find somewhere else by the end of the week, I'm reporting her to the police.
- Can't she live with Yanto? - In a bedsit?! Are you deranged?! I'm not having no daughter of mine living in a room over the bakers.
What'll people think?! She lived on a beach for six months! Right, I'll see you all later.
- Ta-ra.
- Ta-ra! Bye, Em! Good luck! Thanks, Mam! Ooh, that's right! Leave me to my devastated life and my dole-mongering daughter! Oh, Mam! Here you are.
It's not loads, like, but it's better than nothing.
Don't be daft, mun, you're skint! And you're a student nurse with an ironing round and a house full of kids.
Look, you know I wanna pay my way.
If it wasn't for you, me and Zoe'd be out on the streets! Now take it.
Look, why don't you ask your dad for a bit of help, love? He'd hate it if he knew you were struggling.
Mam, I don't wanna go running to other people every time something doesn't work out.
This is about me making my own way.
And I will do it.
I won't be delivering pizzas all my life.
Well, you know you can stay with me as long as you like.
I love having all my babies under one roof.
Yeah.
Until you meet a new fella and wanna get married again! Ho-ho! That ship has well and truly sailed, good boy.
The only thing I'll ever get married to is my nursing degree.
So people think nurses are special.
I say to them, "No.
"They're not special.
"They're just ordinary people doing a job.
"A job that most people wouldn't wanna do.
"And that's what makes them special.
" OK, so what's the most important skill you need to make a good nurse? - Tom! - Erm - Too slow.
Stella? - Communication? - What else? - Observation.
- What else? - Er, confidence.
- What else? - And sympathy.
- Good.
Communication, observation, confidence and sympathy.
Easy to remember.
COCS.
Oh, grow up! Patients' lives are on the line by 'ere.
You wanna laugh? Go be a clown.
Cos there sure as shandy ain't no room for jokers in a hospital ward.
Your test begins tomorrow, 9.
30 sharp.
Your revision period starts now.
You're free to go.
Don't let me down, people.
Well, we are very happy for you, Emma, and I'm sure Sunny will be too.
Yeah, he texted me.
He said you and Tan'd be over the moon to help out with childcare and that.
Cos, you know, I'll be working long hours, evenings, sometimes, and all.
If you get the job.
- Tanisha - Well, it is only an interview and I'm a realist.
Obviously, it goes without saying that if you do get the job, we'd be more than happy to look after the child of our only son.
Especially as we see so little of him these days Who, your son or your grandson? Cos I ain't seen your son for two weeks, just for the record My grandson, of course.
I know you'd both rather it if me and Sunny were still together but let's be honest, it's only cos you're embarrassed there's a divorce in the family! - That is not true.
- You just give up so easily - Not now, Tan.
- It was nearly two years ago! - He was bloody unfaithful to me! - Ladies! Please! Think of Abhra.
Look, I gotta keep my head together.
The interview's in half an hour! If you don't want to help then just say.
Of course we want to help.
You're still part of our family, Emma.
A very important part.
Right.
Well, I gotta go.
I'll pick him up later, yeah? - Wish me luck! - Good luck.
Actually, Emma, my niece is coming over to do some work experience.
She's from Ireland.
Parvadi.
Where's that? Near Dublin, is it? What? - No, that's her name.
Parvadi.
- Oh.
Anyway, hopefully it'll give myself and Tanisha more time away from the shop to help out with Abhra.
Ey, there she is! Vidal Cockin' Sassoon! Rhian! Shut up, mun, it's only an interview.
Well, the whole bastard town's talking about it.
Top notch that Jensen's, eh, Jag? Charge you the price of a small dog just to wash your cockin' hairs.
Wouldn't go near the place myself.
I bet they're gutted.
Ey, I tell you something, mind, Em - if you DO get the job, - you'll be looking for full-time childcare won't you? - Er, yeah.
Yeah, but actually Jag have said he'll take Abhra Ey, you won't find a better bastard nanny this side of Newport.
Nothing I don't know 'bout bastard babies - and I'm cheap as cheese and all, Jag.
- Right.
Are you a registered child-minder, then? Am I cock! No, once you get into licences and registers and what have you, causes all kind of shit.
Anyway, let me know.
Cos I'm pretty much in de-cockin'-mand.
Oi! Bethany-Jade! Don't even THINK about crossing that bastard road without me! I'll see you in a bit.
If I survive! Sock it to 'em, kid! Wooo! All right, Verv? Mitching off, are you? What? Oh, no, no, it's only part-time, the course.
Not that you'd think it, the amount of work they give us.
What's with the crutch? Sickness benefit.
That's what this lot are for.
Thing is, if you don't look like you're injured, they won't give you a sodding dime.
And my ME's a bugger to prove.
You got ME? Did have.
In '98.
It's recurring.
Hey, why don't you come in? My mother's out and I got some Mexican weed.
We could just chill.
Verv, I'm 44 now, presh.
I got a dog to walk and a test to revise for.
Sorry.
No worries.
We got all the time in the world, now I'm back.
I tell you what - I never realised how much I missed this goddamn valley.
But I guess it's true what they say, eh, Stell? What's that? You can take the girl out the 'berry, but you can't You know.
take the girl out the 'berry.
Or something.
Anyway, laters, yeah? Yeah.
- Don't normally see you up here, Al.
- All right? Ey, you know my cousin's back do you? Verv? Aunty Brenda's up in arms, I take it.
Yeah.
She can't stand her.
Ay, finish those, if you like.
- I'm not feeling too good.
- Nice one! Saw the solicitor yesterday.
She said I got to put Little Al on a diet.
What the frig's it got to do with her? It's what the family court decided.
You know, part of the custody whatdoyoucall.
Trying to work out the best thing to do.
Thought I'd come up here, bit of time to myself.
Finished for the day, have you? No, no, I got Bopa Boyce in the taxi.
Dropping her at the bingo.
But it's all right.
She's not in a rush.
Probably having a smoke.
Aww, bless her.
Oh, God I'm not right, Stell.
Al? What is it, presh? One day we're going to live In Paris Oh, my God, how're you feeling? I just wanna be sick.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I had a terrible interview.
They were really horrible to me.
Worst day of my life.
But you got the job! No, I didn't.
It took me seven goes over two years.
In the end I think they gave it me out of pity.
Good luck! Amy, Mrs Lloyd is still waiting on her coffee and you need to refill the product shelves.
Sorry, Collette.
Emma.
Yeah.
Collette Jensen.
Come on up.
Oh, bloody hell, your pulse is racing! Right, hang on a sec.
Well, I'm not going nowhere, am I? OK, so You feel sick? Yeah, but I think it's the oil he puts on those chips.
He only changes it once a month.
And both arms are aching or just the one? No, no both arms! And this tight feeling, where is it, in your stomach? No, mun, it's here.
In the middle.
Oh, my God, Al.
I think you're having heart attack! Oh It's gonna be all right, Al.
Just stay with us, OK? Don't be giving up on us.
He's not dying, you know? Er, I'm a nurse! Trainee nurse, to be fair.
Sh, now! Don't talk, you'll tire yourself out.
For God's sake! What's going on?! There's a car blocking the road.
Well, push him out the way! We got a dying man back here! - I'm not dying! - We can't do that.
You need to calm down.
I'm not dying! Your college tutor gave you a "highly commended" for your colour module.
Yeah, Jackie Wright, she was amazing, she was.
And is that where you see yourself in five years, do you think, Emma? As a colour technician, or do you prefer to cut? Sorry, is that a trick question? No, it's just a question.
Oh, right.
Well, I do, like, colour and that, but I also do, like, the cutting so I dunno, to be honest.
Well, hairdressing's a highly competitive industry.
I know that.
There's no room for time wasters.
You need to know what you want, where you're going and how you're gonna get there.
So, what do you want, Emma? Right.
What? Stop! Thief! Move away from the vehicle immediately! Were you born this selfish or do you practise? Obviously, I'll be reporting you for attempted car theft.
Well, obviously I will be reporting you for attempted manslaughter if you don't let this ambulance get past.
That's what I was just about to do but you got in my way! So move it! I am moving it! Look, I can't Selfish! Well, come on then! You're holding us up! All right! - You have a two-year-old son? - Abhra, yeah.
It means "cloud".
- And you're a single mum? - Yeah.
Me and my husband, we split up, we did, cos he had an affair with this girl at uni.
Well, it wasn't an affair and they're not together no more or nothing - but it kind of messed things - What about childcare for Abdul? - Abhra.
- Abhra.
Who would look after Abhra while you were at work? Well, I got my Mam.
She'd have him some of the time when she's not at the hospital.
- She's training to be a nurse, she is.
- Final question - there were 157 applicants for this apprenticeship, so why should we take you on? Erm Tell us what's special about you, Emma.
Nothing.
There's nothing special about me.
Nice meeting you.
Apart from my son being born, getting this interview has been the biggest event of my life.
- I'm sorry - If you wanted to, you could go home tonight feeling good about yourselves cos you've given this 19-year-old Valleys girl a break in life.
And when she's an old woman she can remember you and say to her grandkids, "Oh, yeah, Marcus and Collette Jensen, "they had this fancy salon in town back in the day, "and they took a bit of a chance on me, like.
"But it paid off "cos look at how successful your old nana turned out.
" I know that I will make a fucking good hairdresser.
And I know I've probably fucked it up now because I've said "fucking", twice.
But it's because I want this so, so much.
You never even looked at my portfolio.
Hello? Sh Hello, both.
I didn't see you there.
I was just passing and I thought, "Why not pop in the mortuary "and see my old muckers Barry and Rhys?", so here we are.
The thing is boys, we're in a bit of a - Hurry? - Quandary? - Corner? - Pickle? - Flap? - .
.
hole.
And unless we get out of it, Simpson's could go belly up.
And it's all because I've been really Stupid! and invested heavily in increased undertaking capacity But I haven't got no - Satisfaction? - Sense of direction.
- Place like home.
- No! We haven't got no bodies and that's one thing you do have.
- That's true.
- Plenty of bodies.
But we mostly supply Thomas - Thomas - Evans - Thomas.
- and Thomas.
- I know, but we've known each other some time now and I can give you a bonus incentive? - How much? - Name your price.
£25 a head up front and 10% of the back end.
Deal.
Right, I'll get you some jim-jams, is it? And a toothbrush.
And some pants.
When did you last buy new pants, Al? Seen better days, they have, presh.
Well, I've had other things on my mind, like.
You frightened me earlier, you know.
Yeah.
Keeping you in a couple of days, the doctor said.
Oh, my God! What about Little Al? - Doesn't even know I'm here yet! - He's fine! I'm picking him up now in a bit.
He can stay at ours till you're well enough.
Ah, thanks, Stell.
You'll make a good nurse, you know.
- Oh, bollocks! - What? Bopa Boyce.
She's still in my taxi! - Did you leave the meter running? - No-o.
Well Hundreds of animal rights activists are gathered outside the Welsh Oh, for goodness's sake, pull yourself together, there'll be other jobs! Not like that one.
Well, sometimes these things happen for a reason.
She's right, wasn't your destiny, babes.
Oh, I hate it when people say that.
But a job isn't the be all and end all, Em.
Well, how would you know?! You've never even had one! All I'm saying is, don't be taken in by the whole employment thing.
It's just a capitalist conspiracy to keep us all in our place.
You got any peanut butter?! Oh, look, I just wanna be on my own! What are you both doing here anyway? - I'm waiting to see your mother.
- I wanted to see your mother.
If you ask me, you've had a lucky escape.
Bopa Boyce reckons that Marcus Jensen is a bit up himself.
Pontyberry 960784? Yes.
Yes.
Well, that depends.
Who wants to speak to her? Well, listen, good boy, if you've rung up to rub salt in the wounds then you can think Oh.
I'll pass you over.
It's that Marcus Jensen.
You got the job.
What?! - Hello? - What you go and tell her that for? You spoilt it for her now! Oh, my God, serious?! What difference do it make? It wasn't your news to give! No, I just I thought I did such a bad interview! stick your nose in where it's not wanted! What would you know about sticking your nose in? That's brilliant! No, I'm completely made up, I am! So, when do I start? self first, self last! Yeah, of course.
And what do I wear? Right! Right, I'll see you then, then! Bye, Marcus.
And thank you so much! This is the most amazing day of my entire life.
Ah sah sup furthethyn surrudy.
Patha.
Patha ka-say.
Daddy? Pryche, alpe? Dais alpe, agos plwdas! Garrick's? Gone under?! - Esy cwylse mallagn - Is that all their customers? What, and they're all coming over to us?! Yeah, sata tais bibylaw memym! Hiya, Barry.
What?! Yeah! Of course I can take seven bodies! Well, where've you been?! It's all been kicking off this afternoon! Alan Williams have had heart attack.
Well, I'm not surprised.
Well, not actually heart attack, as such, but we were in an ambulance and they're keeping him in.
Look, never mind about that.
Your Emma got the job! - Did she?! - That's right - ruin it again! - Over the moon, she is.
- Oh, that's fantastic! It won't last, of course.
Once she realises what hard graft it is cutting people's filthy hair and giving them blow jobs and what have you.
Still, far be it for me to say.
- I got problems enough of my own with Miss Saigon by here.
- Mam! Mam! I got it! I got it! Oh, I tell you, we'll all be glad when that HRT kicks in.
Give us a rest from her crying and whatyercall! Oh, they're not short of a few quid by the looks of that settee.
'Bout time we had a bit of class in the street, eh, Bren? Speak for yourself, Glen Brennig.
Property value shot through the roof the day I moved in.
So where are they, then? The new owners? Behind you.
Oh, what?! Oh, God, not you! - Do you wanna open her up then, mate? - Huh? The sooner we start loading, the sooner you can start enjoying your new home.
Two sugars for me.
- Everyone's worrying about you, BJ.
- Get your hands off me! I want Zoe to visit me.
So's I can make my amends.
So, technically, you've just committed a burglary.
What, I burgled a bin? It's a gold mine waiting to be happened, Dai.
You're a difficult woman to turn down, Aunty Brenda.
It's like living in some drug induced production of Under Milk Wood!