Taskmaster (2015) s03e01 Episode Script

1
Hello there. I'm Greg Davies.
Welcome to a brand new
series of Taskmaster.
We have five fresh
comedy goliaths
primed and ready to
humiliate themselves
in a series of tricky tasks.
All in the vague hope
of taking home this.
The Taskmaster trophy.
At the end of the series,
only one of them
will take home my
shiny golden bonce
as the ultimate winner
of Taskmaster.
So, without further ado,
let's meet our new contenders.
They are
Al Murray!
Dave Gorman!
Paul Chowdhry!
Rob Beckett!
And Sara Pascoe!
And here, my faithful servant
and would-be friend,
Alex Horne.
Tell them all a bit about
yourself, Alex.
- Really?
- Yes.
OK. Hello, my name is Alex.
I'm 37 years old.
I like sport and I'm
quite a kind person.
For example, here are
some raisins.
If you want some raisins.
No, I don't. I'm alright, thanks.
If you want some raisins
No, no. It's nice that
they're there.
They're always there.
They're always in the pocket.
It's a new series and I'm expecting
an incredible prize task category.
Are you?
You're great. So, um
To kick things off, we
asked our contestants
to bring in their most
flamboyant clock.
So whoever brings in the
most flamboyant clock
will win the first
points of the show.
- Yep.
- Maximum points.
And whoever wins the episode will go
home with five flamboyant clocks.
Why have a normal clock when you
can have a flamboyant clock?
Al Murray, what's your
flamboyant clock
and why do you consider
it to be flamboyant?
Er, my flamboyant clock
is my stove at home.
You can make out the clock
just to the left of the
knob on the right.
- Yep.
- See that?
That panel there is the clock.
It comes with a hot plate,
five gas hobs.
Two fans ovens, um
and a drawer for keeping stuff in.
So you see this as a clock with
an oven attached, right?
Yes!
Dave, what have you brought?
And why is it flamboyant?
And is it a clock?
It is a clock.
At first glance, it might appear to
be just an ordinary digital clock.
But it's actually
my microwave oven.
You swine!
I would argue this is far more
flamboyant than an oven.
Well, course you would.
Well, yeah, because it's
microwaves and their magic.
Yeah, but I can cook
eight things at once.
With my clock.
Paul Chowdhry?
Mine's a, uh, pop clock
that you can wear on any
item of clothing.
If had this for 30 years, this clock.
Yeah? Where's the flamboyance?
You can wear it with anything
that's flamboyant.
Yeah, I know, but where's the
flamboyance in the clock itself?
If I go out wearing Al Murray's oven,
I'm looking flamboyant.
Where's the flamboyance?
Well, you can put it on, you know
If you're wearing, like
a kilt or something.
So, you think
You define flamboyance
as being an item that I could
attach to a kilt.
Rob?
Oh, I've brought a sundial.
A tortoise sundial.
That's my most flamboyant clock.
I'm very late, in the winter, to things.
Is that 'cause you're still relying
on sundial technology?
Yeah. In the summer, though,
I'm always there.
Pretty flamboyant, innit?
I dunno.
Sort of thing my mum would
consider wacky.
I think your mum's probably
quite a nice lady.
Oh, she's a lovely woman.
She not flamboyant?
Yeah, I guess she is a little bit.
Maybe you're right.
"Oh, OK," he's gone!
Sara, what did you--
I really like your
flamboyant tortoise.
Well, I've played this properly and
actually brought a flamboyant clock.
At last.
OK, so, here it is.
Oh, God!
It's a clock and it's flamboyant!
And it's genuinely a timepiece.
Yep.
My boyfriend is a huge
Freddie Mercury fan
and he doesn't know that
I've brought it.
Are you trying to get rid of it?
Shhh!
No, I'm trying really hard
to win this episode!
Does it belong to your boyfriend?
It was a gift from me,
so technically I own it.
I don't think that's how gifts work.
It does in my family.
'Cause if you've fallen out
with the person, you can go
"Well, I'm having that back!"
Hey, listen. The horrible truth is
I'm gonna make really brutal
decisions. Here they come.
Do you wanna start in fifth place?
It is the Braveheart Pop Swatch.
In fifth.
In fourth place Oh, no.
What's wrong?
I can't really explain it,
but I'm putting the tortoise.
Awww!
It's not an actual tortoise!
In third place, I'm putting
the microwave.
Oh, man!
In second place
This is the big one.
You're not gonna believe
I've done this.
I'm putting the stove.
I don't believe you.
I'm putting the stove,
and I'll tell you why.
That's a clock.
OK, time for the first full-blown
task of the series.
- Alex.
- Yes?
What have we got?
We've got some track and field.
Hi.
Hello, mate!
Paul?
"Get to the microwave in as
few steps as possible."
"And open the door before
the microwave dings."
"There's five minutes
on the clock."
The microwave is under that tree.
Where have you
plugged it in, then?
There's a generator
behind the tree.
Didn't know those trees
had generators.
"As few steps as possible"?
"As few steps as possible"?
As few steps as possible.
"The microwave"
"starts now."
Yeah, um, a simple task.
I wanted you to get
to my microwave
before the soup cooks,
in as few steps as possible.
I don't know why it caused
any confusion whatsoever.
It's a pretty straightforward task.
We mixed it up a little bit, though.
Added a few hurdles, literally.
And another hurdle, in that
I did ask Alex if he could
make sure there was a lot of
goose shit on the track.
Who are we gonna see first?
I think Shall we see Rob?
Great place to start.
Let's have a look.
- Can I just give you my coat?
- Yeah.
Put it on if you want, mate.
Nice in the sun, innit?
Right, er I'm gonna roll there.
Oh! Quite far away, innit?
I feel dizzy.
It gets you really
dizzy quick, that!
This is the future, mate!
I'm gonna be covered in
goose shit, ain't I?
Feel I might be sick.
Argh, I've just had
a coffee as well!
Feel like me head's gonna explode.
What other ways can I get
there without stepping?
Just gonna have to roll
there, ain't I?
- Ooh!
- Urgh
Ugh, sorry!
Arguably a more efficient way of
transporting yourself about.
- Well, if you
- More fun.
Don't have a big coffee beforehand.
I thought I was gonna
be sick out me eyes.
You must have a very
weak constitution.
I don't know why drinking
a massive coffee
and then rolling around
in goose shit
would make you feel sick.
Any steps involved?
There were just a couple
of little ones
just before the manoeuvre.
I sensed a step over the fence.
Just before that,
because we all saw
the forward-reach over-we-go
tumble with pike
which is a 6.2 difficulty level.
There were four little steps
just before the flip
and that was it.
The rest was rolls.
And his time was?
Irrelevant.
Four steps. Who's next?
We're gonna have a look
at Paul and Dave.
Is that a step?
Bleh.
Is that a step?
Oooh!
OK.
Thank you, Dave.
Yep.
Incredibly quick.
Yeah.
Thank you, Paul.
Your soup
is ready, sir.
Lovely. That's piping hot.
Good techniques there,
Paul. Thank you.
It's very early for me to be
trotting out Chinese proverbs
but that does make me
think of the classic
"When is a step not a step?"
"When it's on a fucking hurdle."
"Is that a step?"
I thought that was a step.
"Is that a step?"
I thought that was a step.
He's already got a catchphrase.
It is slightly irrelevant.
He took well over seven
minutes to get there.
And the total of steps
I counted was 125.
A lot more than if you'd
just walked casually.
Oh, Paul!
It's alright, mate.
If I was able to give artistic
style points, mate,
you'd be romping ahead
in this, I tell you.
It was awesome.
I was intrigued by yours, Dave
'cause I've seen
some of your shows
and they're incredibly
meticulously thought-out and clever.
And, er
I think I thought the task was
In steps but as few
of them as possible.
Oh, I see. So, you thought
you had to be stepping.
Yeah.
Apart from when I did
the forward roll.
I'd sort of worked
it out by then.
That was really good.
How many steps?
Fifty steps.
- Or
- Or?
If we use Paul Chowdhry's
definition
Still fifty steps.
Al and Sara's attempts still
to come after the break.
See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where exclusive membership
to Al Murray's oven
is being hotly contested for.
Alex, where were we?
We were on the athletics track,
watching our comedians trying
to reach a microwave
in the smallest number of steps.
So far, Rob Beckett is in the lead.
Paul Chowdhry has been disqualified.
Up next, Al Murray and
Sara Pascoe together.
The floor is so gross!
Oohh
None of it's steps, is it?
Ooh, so much shit!
This is a metaphor for
show business.
Are they steps?
No.
It's so pooey, Alex
I mean, really.
Just click the door open,
you've got plenty of time.
There we go. There's the soup.
What, have I got to eat the soup?
There we go. Thank you.
What flavour soup is it?
Pea.
Oh.
- Smashed it.
- Thanks, Al.
My initial impulse on watching
Sara's technique
is that it was just
fancy stepping.
In leather trousers. Admittedly,
stylistically incredible.
Can we ask the expert?
Paul, was it a step?
There were some steps.
I counted it as 27 steps.
OK. Talk to me about Al.
I counted eight little steps.
For the whole run?
I'm pretty pleased with that.
But he was walking on his knees.
Every definition of "step"
I found involved the foot.
Nothing mentioned the knee, so
- OK.
- That's out of order, mate.
So, these are the results.
Essentially, Paul, you're
disqualified. I'm so sorry.
Because you didn't do
it within the time.
Nothing to do with
your incredible
understanding of stepping.
Fourth place, it's Dave
"Big Stepper" Gorman.
Third place, it's Sara
"Fancy Step" Pascoe.
In second place, it's
It's Al "Mainly Kneeling,
Some Step" Murray.
And in first place,
with an incredible
shitty, sicky performance
Thank you.
It's Rob the Roller.
Alex, I think it's
time for the first
scoreboard update, please.
OK, well, it's very close--
There's a tie! There's
a tie for the lead.
Al and Sara both have
eight points.
Great. On with the next task.
Of course. Here we go.
Hi.
Hi, Al.
What's this?
It's for you.
It's for me?
It's a frozen pea.
- Am I supposed to eat this?
- No, no.
Open that first, yeah?
"Propel this pea the
furthest distance."
"Your pea must land and remain
on the red carpet."
I'll just throw it in this.
Will the pea definitely
land on the?
Oh, so the pea's gotta?
It's up to you. Whatever
you think the Taskmaster
"The pea must land on the"
Well, it's gonna land on it.
Is that That's on the carpet?
Well, that'll be on the carpet.
- Will it?
- There's a pea in there.
Isn't it?
It doesn't say the pea must
land on the carpet.
The pea will be on the carpet.
It doesn't say it must make
contact with the carpet.
You do what you
think's right, Rob.
Well, if Davies has got a problem
with it, I'll knock him out.
Well, I mean
There's a few things to
address there, isn't there?
I mean, you're a
younger man than me,
and you're probably fitter.
But if I get one haymaker
on you, mate
I will arguably kill you.
And the second thing is,
don't disrespect me
or I'll make you come last.
OK.
It's worth us talking
about the fact that
what they shouldn't do,
obviously, is just fling the pea,
'cause there's the carpet and
then there's the grass.
Well, no one's gonna
get that task
and see a tiny pea, and a red
carpet in a windy garden,
and think, "I'm just gonna bung this."
- Well, no, we've picked some very
- These are intelligent people, right?
Very bright, very bright. So, uh
Yeah, so we'll start with
Sara, Paul and Dave.
Let's see how far this gets, then.
Ffff This ain't gonna
work, is it?
I've lost the pea.
You gave me a green pea!
Now I've gotta find the pea.
Any clues?
I think it's on the grass.
I can't see it on the carpet.
Yeah, we could spend a lot
of time looking for a pea.
But how do we know where it is?
Who can see that far?
It's on the carpet!
Is it on the--
It's on the carpet?
Yeah!
OK, I've got a measuring tape.
OK, centimetres.
Is this centimetres?
Yes.
Have you got a spare pea?
It had to be that pea,
I'm afraid, Paul.
It's gotta be that exact pea?!
It's like finding a pea
in a haystack.
Shit.
I'm just gonna go
and have a sit down.
Can I get you anything?
A pea?
Not to use! Just saying
I'd quite like a pea.
To compare it to, or?
As a comparison.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
And also, you know,
I'd just like it as a snack.
A frozen
I'll get you a pea, but
I will mark the pea.
If you wouldn't mind.
OK.
Thank you very much.
Oh! That was further.
That's further, I think, Alex!
It's a new personal best!
Eighteen metres and 27.
Hey, I'm glad you went again now.
I've brought you a pea
but I don't think you should eat it
'cause I've sort of injected
it with black ink.
I do trust you, but I don't
entirely trust you.
OK, no, that's fine.
I'm just gonna eat this one.
Have you eaten it?
Yeah.
Swallowed.
Oh, my God.
It's wedged in the strings
of the racket.
It was there all along.
Well, unlucky, I suppose, Paul.
No score?
No score on that one.
No score on that.
Would you like us
to measure that?
Yeah.
No, that's not as far.
I was closer to that leaf before.
Are you sure? Do you
wanna measure it anyway?
Yeah, measure it anyway,
'cause it's on there.
Congratulations on 12 metres 11.
Thank you very much. I'm very
Pleased with that.
I can't imagine someone
beating 12 metres.
Seventeen metres 40.
We thought so, didn't we?
Yeah
Respectable.
Does anyone else want
a go throwing a pea?
It's pretty fun!
Poor little Paul!
I mean, I was mocking of
the idea that someone
would just grab the pea and
bung it up the carpet.
But she hit the carpet
every time, right?
Yeah, she only did it three
times and then went in.
Eighteen metres and 27 centimetres.
Yeah, it's not a sentence
I thought I'd ever say,
but, you know, great
pea-throwing.
Thank you so much.
Paul?
I mean, you're having
a mare at the moment.
You said "propel the pea",
so I got a cricket bat to propel it.
She just chucked the pea.
Ah, there's so many words
I'm gonna have to teach you.
- Dave.
- Yes.
- OK, let's cut to the chase here.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna ask you a question.
- Yeah.
- A very simple question.
- Yeah.
And I want you to answer
honestly. Now
You're not in trouble.
- But I'm asking you directly now.
- Yeah?
Did you cheat?
No.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Did you cheat?
No, Greg. I did not.
OK. Alex.
We can see the racket there.
So that's where it got wedged.
It looks firmly wedged,
doesn't it, Dave?
It was wedged.
Yeah. I mean, we can also
see the racket just
after you struck the pea.
Pea's gone.
Or has it?
It's like Broadchurch.
I know what's happened here.
At some point while trying
to search for the pea
I was using the racket
to sweep through
Oh, turn it in, mate!
I believe him. I believe Dave.
We'll make a judgment on
this after the break.
See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five of the UK's
best-loved but least
flamboyant comedians
are playing for each other's
most flamboyant clocks.
Who's next, Alex?
Do you wanna have a
look at Rob? Rob Beckett?
Rob Beckett!
Little Rob Beckett! Yeah!
OK, here is Rob.
Propel! Can I put it in
the wheelbarrow?
And then tip it on the thing?
If I go round and round,
that's propelling it
with force or drive.
Uh-huh?
And then, when I've finished,
fucking bang it on there.
That's 30 metres.
Yeah, I've not stopped!
I know--
You're slowing me down!
Propelling it forward
with drive and motion.
Looks like propelling.
Well, if you'd hurry up,
I'd be propelling a bit more.
One lap is 81 metres
and 30 centimetres.
Right, I'm gonna do a thousand
and then I'll put it
on the carpet.
Is that number four?
This is the fourth one, is it?
Er
You've done three, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice having a good propel, innit?
You're over 300 metres now.
That's probably enough, I reckon.
I'll do one more, just to
stay on the safe side.
OK, so what I'm gonna do is
come round here
Oh!
So, 406 plus another
another eight metres.
- Four one four.
- What?
- Four one four?
- 414 metres.
Right, how long have I
got left on the time?
Propel
Definition. It's a verb.
"Drive or push something forwards."
Mate, I've just drove
a wheelbarrow
forwards.
- 414 metres
- 414 metres.
and 53 centimetres.
It's landed on the red carpet
and it's remained there.
Yeah. Thank you, Rob.
I mean, incredible.
It's almost like you
were justifying it
in anticipation of an argument.
It's not normal I use
words to my advantage.
We've got Al Murray next.
OK.
There.
It's landed on
It's landed on your carpet.
Let's see how far we can
get the pea to go.
OK.
I've gotta go as far as I can
and back in the next 20 minutes.
If we can just go up
the M4 as far as we can.
1.6 miles now, Al.
This is fantastic.
Yeah, making a lot of progress.
Sixteen miles.
There we go. Just
shy of 18 miles.
Eighteen miles.
Brilliant. Just on the right.
Thanks, Bob.
Check for peas
It's probably
Oh! Oh! Al?
Ah! Yes!
It remained on the carpet, Al.
It was propelled, right?
Did he propel it?
Al paid for the cab.
He paid £150.
No, he didn't!
Amazing watching someone pay £150
to take a pea to Slough.
Can't wait for that taxi driver
to be in the pub going,
"Seriously, the Pub Landlord
hailed me."
"He made me drive him to
Slough with a pea."
Weirdly, I know his niece.
Lovely little detail.
She's a GP in Croydon.
I do like Croydon.
How far did Al propel his pea?
Eighteen miles. Exactly 18 miles.
Eighteen miles. Now,
here's the news.
Dave has been disqualified for
cheating, ladies and gentlemen.
What? I did not cheat!
Sorry, that's what's
happened, mate.
That's terrible.
That's very bad news. Although
I do admire you having a go.
What's great news is
even though you lost it,
you did propel the pea.
You get points!
He's in fourth place and
he's got two points!
In third place was arguably
the only person
who entered into the proper
spirit of the pea-throwing.
Sara Pascoe gets three points.
In second place is Rob with
his awesome barrow-work.
Four points.
And in first place,
Al Murray with five points.
Alex, how does that affect
the scoreboard?
Well, we have an outright leader now,
and that is obviously Mr Al Murray.
OK. One more task, please.
OK, I'm really trying my
best to please you,
and this one is a
Christmassy task.
"Make the best snowman."
"You have one hour"
"Your time starts now."
Well, that's pretty tricky, isn't it?
It's not snowing.
I suppose I should
check out the window
to see if it's started snowing.
What's the weather like, Rob?
Pffft. Balmy!
Well, it's not gonna snow
in an hour, is it?
No.
11 o'clock, sunny. It's 10 o'clock now.
No snow today. Tomorrow, no snow.
There's no snow this week.
You didn't think it was gonna snow.
You were just messing
around, weren't you?
No, I thought 'cause it snowed
in April this year, didn't it?
I suppose.
When Prince died, and
he wrote that song
"It Snowed in April", then he
died a week later, so
Yeah, you shouldn't use that
to forecast weather.
There's never, ever
been purple rain.
Who's first?
Well, I thought we'd start off with
the little enthusiastic
Rob Beckett again.
- Oh, little Rob.
- Little, eager Rob.
Look at little Rob!
Right, basically, snow's
out the window.
I was gonna get loads of
marshmallows and do that,
but then it's just a
marshmallow man, innit?
Will marshmallows stick together?
As in sort of
Oh!
I've got all the marshmallows.
You've got a lot, haven't you?
That's a bit of one!
You have to really squeeze.
90 seconds, Rob!
No worries, mate!
Thank you, Rob.
I'll take that.
You pleased with that?
If you're after a snowman
No.
I thought, "If you can't make it,
make something that looks like it."
I think it was a lovely
marshmallow man, though.
Yeah, well, you can't make snow
so I thought I'd just make one
that looks like a snowman.
If a child had made a
Christmas card at school
and it was made out of cotton
wool, making a snowman,
you wouldn't look at it and go
"That's not a snowman!"
You would say, "That's
a lovely snowman."
Oh, no. I would kick it out
their hands and say
"That's not a snowman."
Who's next?
I've grouped Al and Sara
together again.
Oooh.
Yeah, do you wanna see them?
- Yeah.
- OK.
So, we
I could make a mould of some kind,
fill it with water,
put it in the freezer
I need, like, four litres
of vanilla ice cream
and a bag of raisins.
And some wool.
- OK.
- To make the scarf.
Yeah?
A couple of colours, please.
You gotta diversify these
days, haven't you?
I can't remember ever not
being able to plait.
Look, it's a snowman.
I'm gonna call him Scoopy.
Now, some of this is
gonna be the base
Jam it into the tray. Yes!
And that's your snowman shape.
Here it is.
OK, carrot's too big.
There we go.
Oh! Actually, I've got an idea.
There is some ice in here.
So, I'm gonna add some ice to it,
which will speed up its
freezing process.
This'll help it along.
There we go.
OK, 40 minutes left, Al.
So, we're gonna
Great, 35 minutes
- We'll check it.
- We'll check it.
Should've frozen solid by then.
We'll take it out. Job done.
This is the coal buttons
So
There he is.
"I don't wanna come out of the box!"
He's lovely, isn't he?
Scoopy.
I'm happy.
- Isn't he nice?
- Aww!
I said in the studio while
we were watching those
that watching Al make it
is like watching a man
in the middle of a breakdown.
And then I expected to be
corrected when I saw the snowman
be a thing of great beauty.
What I saw was a monstrous
awful freak.
What I see there
I see a creature in pain.
I see a Chernobyl snowman
saying, "Kill me, someone kill me."
I have no doubt that would
make my nieces cry.
Is their uncle a cab driver?
Oh, wow. I mean, I do love it,
Al. It's incredible.
Sara's What do you think
of Sara's snowman?
It's not snow!
It's raisins!
- It's not snow!
- Yours isn't snow!
- Yours is ice from the freezer!
- Mine's closer to snow.
Ice cream is as close as ice is.
What, is there milk in clouds?
If it has evaporated
enough of it, then yes.
Arguably, the cows might spill
a bit of milk sometimes.
Yeah, arguably.
Arguably.
Do you want to see Scoopy again?
- Yes, I want to see Scoopy again.
- He is lovely.
I think about him every day.
And you know what?
At the end of that VT,
Scoopy was still happier
than Al's snowman.
D'you want, uh, a raisin?
Nah.
You're an inspiration. It was
a really lovely ice cream man.
Who's left?
It's Dave and Paul.
I think we'll see Dave first.
Oh dear.
Can you get a very
large, um
bucket.
And 200 packets of
powdered potato?
OK.
So, yeah. Soon
as you can, please.
- Right, I'll hurry.
- Thank you.
- That's very good.
- Is that enough?
No, that's good, that's good.
The kettle is on, so
if you could start
getting some boiling water
Yeah, that's lovely. Thank you.
- I've got another one.
- Yeah, please.
I'll be honest, it's not as
white as I was hoping.
It's quite yellow.
It's very yellow.
Smells nice, Dave. Your snowman.
D'you think?
School dinners.
Let's try, see what this looks like.
I'm actually quite happy with
that. That's alright.
It's coming on, isn't it?
Is there a hose anywhere?
Yes, there is a hose.
Is that connected?
Have you got the carrot?
- Would you like me to get you the carrot?
- I'd like the carrot, please.
Aww.
I'm quite happy with that.
Earlier in today's show,
I was a little concerned
about your literal interpretation
of some of the tasks.
- Steps.
- The big step thing.
You're back in the game,
because someone says
"Make a snowman" and you ask for mash.
- Really nice.
- Thank you.
OK, after the break,
not only will we see
something that I'm
looking forward to
more than I can tell you.
Seeing Paul Chowdhry's
attempt at a snowman.
But all five will take to the stage for
the first live task of the series.
See you then.
Hello and welcome back to
the final part of the show.
It won't be long before we find out
who has to haul home Rob's
giant tortoise sundial
and Dave's shonky microwave.
But first
weren't we about to watch
Paul do something?
Yes, we were. They've all
been building snowmen
out of marshmallows,
potatoes and ice cream.
But we're yet to see Paul
Chowdhry's attempt
and he didn't use any
of those items.
Would you like to
see what he used?
I mean
genuinely more than anything.
I guess, um, can you buy me
a Slush Puppie.
What flavour?
Snow flavour.
Hi, Paul.
I got you a bag of ice
two Slush Puppies
and a white teddy.
Excellent.
- Good luck.
- Finally.
That's a snowman bear, innit?
How's that?
You see, the expression
and the tears
reflects what I'm going
through on the inside.
Bastard's crying, innit?
Right at the end, you just
As the final image of the
snowman was in place,
and he said, "The bastard's
crying, innit?"
Let's have a look at the bastard.
Oh, it's dark, mate,
innit? That is dark.
I'm starting to think we
shouldn't be laughing at Paul.
I've got so many questions
I wanna ask you, Paul.
My first question is
is everything alright?
Snowbear, innit?
Snow bear? It's a rabbit!
It's a rabbit with some ice on it!
That's not a bear,
it's a rabbit.
It was powerful, wasn't it?
In the room, we were moved.
I mean, it's incredible.
Look at it!
I like it. He used ice.
Yeah, I was about to say.
It's something I've written down, Al,
and thanks for backing Paul up.
He has used something
cold in his snowman,
which is one of the traditional
elements of a snowman.
It's built of a cold substance.
There you go.
So, in that regard
well done.
And I'll go further.
If this was about artistry
and about creating
something that really
moves people
you'd have won this task.
However
we agreed some criteria.
And, uh, they were
you know, it should be
recognisable as a snowman.
Traditionally, the
snowman's outdoors,
like Dave's, for example.
Recognisable elements, we agreed.
Traditional elements.
Like the scarf.
The carrot nose which
we provided, the eyes,
and then scale.
We thought, you know, when
people are making a snowman
- they normally go for big.
- "Ooh, that's a big one."
- Bigger.
- Yeah.
Who's in last place, Greg?
It's fifth place, it's
Paul Chowdhry.
Not artistically, mate.
Number one.
In fourth place, it's Rob, 'cause
it was made out of marshmallows.
Number three, Al.
Aw, God. I can't lose
to that. In the drawer.
It don't look anything
like a snowman!
Al's is monstrous.
Second place, we're putting
the ice cream, Sara.
And even though it wasn't
made out of cold stuff,
we think that Dave made
the best snowman.
There it is. It's done.
How's that affected
the scoreboard?
Well, it's tight.
It's tight at the top.
There's one point separating
the top two people.
There's three points
separating the top three.
And Paul's still in it.
So let's have a look.
Al's in first place with
16 points. There we go.
It's near the end of the show,
but before we can
find out our winner,
there's one more thing to do. So
For the first time this series,
will you all please
head to the stage
for the final task!
Looks like all five
of our contestants
have got some lovely
new friends there.
Rob, would you read out
the task, please?
Hi, Rob.
- Oh, hi mate.
- You alright? You OK?
Yeah, yeah, great.
I'm just gonna crack on
with this, though.
"Balance your swedes
on your Swede."
"Your Swede must remain standing
at all times."
"Your swedes may only balance on
the exterior of your Swede."
"Most swedes resting on a Swede
after 100 seconds wins."
Lotta swede in that,
ain't there?
So, in summary, as many
swedes on a Swede
in the time allowed.
And the Swede has to
be standing up?
The Swede must remain
standing at all times.
You can manipulate your
Swede in any other way.
And when Alex says, "You can manipulate
them in any way you want"
Emotionally, leave them alone.
Good luck, everyone.
Get sweding!
Straight.
I'll take the swedes off.
Go on, Paul!
On the head. Early on the head.
Oh, my word.
You're going back, are you?
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine
Twelve! Twelve!
How's it going, Rob?
- Not very well.
- Keeps falling off, that one.
Also I've learnt having
a lady is a bit of
a disadvantage on the old space
20 seconds!
Ooh, there's a lot there.
There's a lot there!
Yep.
It's respectable, it's respectable.
Fifteen seconds left!
15 secooonds!
Ten seconds, after which
you must step away!
Five seconds!
Four!
Three!
Two!
One!
Step away, step away.
Paul, step away! Step away.
You can step there. Just there.
Ladies and gentleman,
with thanks to
our regular Fred and to
the London Swedes
All of you come down and we'll see
how that affected the scores!
Well done, Fred.
Alex, how were they at
swede-on-Swede balancing?
Mmm. Great question.
Great Swedes. Lovely Swedes.
Sara and Rob found it awkward
and they both achieved eight swedes.
Hey, that's good.
It's a reasonable amount of
swedes to get on a Swede.
It's an even number.
Then we've got Dave, 11 swedes.
Uh-oh!
It's Chowdhers!
Paul Chowdhry, 14 swedes!
But then, Mr Al Murray on 15 swedes!
15 swedes!
That must have affected
our final scores.
Don't get your hopes up, Paul.
Yes, the scores are in,
and our winner is
Mr Al Murray!
So, Al Murray is the first
winner of the series,
and the owner of five
flamboyant clocks.
Please, Al, head to the stage
to collect your prizes!
So, there we are. Another
exciting series under way.
Thanks for all your help, Alex.
Thanks for letting me help, Greg.
It's like Ant and Dec, innit?
What have we learnt today?
Well, what we've learnt today is
if you wanna scare your children
just get Al Murray or Paul Chowdhry
to make them a snowman.
But most importantly,
despite that,
we've found out that our winner
of episode one of series
three of Taskmaster
is Mr Al Murray!
Thank you, everybody.
Good night!