The Adventures of Superboy (1988) s03e01 Episode Script

Rocketed
from a distant planet,
to a bold new destiny
on Earth,
found by a Kansas family
and raised as Clark Kent,
he learned he possessed
the strength of steel,
the speed of light
and the desire
to help all mankind.
He is Superboy!
[man] Traffic's backed up
on the northbound expressway.
All other routes
are moving along nicely.
The current temperature's
an even 70.
It looks like another
beautiful day, Capital City.
And now it's time for
America's number one
syndicated talk show,
the Judy Hour.
And here's your host,
Judy Donatello!
Thank you, Bob.
I am so excited.
Today is our first day
on our new satellite system
and have we got a show
for you.
It's all about
bizarre relationships.
Now I'm not talking
about opposites attracting
or anything quite
as simple as that,
I'm talking about full out
bizarre relationships.
I'd like you to meet
our first couple.
They met four years ago
when Chris arrested Mike
for aggravated assault.
Lex, check this out.
Bizarre relationships.
Doesn't that hit
close to home?
Will you shut up?
I'm trying to think.
You know, that's all
you ever do anymore.
I'm trying to figure out
ways to get ride of Superboy
so we don't have to spend
the rest of our lives
hiding like cockroaches.
As long as we're together.
Well, I guess it pays
to have a good lawyer
now, doesn't it?
- [screaming]
- [clamoring]
They met in a way
that was really
there's no other word for it.
Bizarre.
[clamoring]
- You called Bizarro?
- [screaming]
No, no, no, please, no.
Please, Bizarro, don't!
You say Bizarro?
No, bizarre relationships.
That's what I said.
That what I want.
A relationship?
You want a relationship?
Bizarro want someone
to love.
Lex, I know you told me
to shut up, but look
at this.
What, that inane talk show
Nobody love Bizarro.
Hold the phone.
That's Bizarro.
Me only want someone
to love.
Someone to love.
[laughing]
This guy is beautiful.
You must be joking.
Whoever falls for this guy
would have to be
as ugly as he is.
You know, darling,
you may not be as dumb
as you look.
But hopefully, he is.
[laughing]
[man] Come in.
Come in!
Those articles on
Mr. Jackson.
Mr. Jackson.
My paycheck.
I know it's here.
Somewhere, probably have
$1,000 down here by now.
Those articles
on the Bigfoot sighting,
I distributed them.
You've been an intern here
for what, two weeks?
It's clear to me you have
mastered the fine art
of copying.
Now the big question is
how are you at filing?
OK, I guess,
but I was really hoping
Later for that.
Right now what
I need is for you
to help me find a report
on cattle mutilations.
This one?
For God's sake,
how'd you find it?
Archaeology's my minor.
[telephone rings]
[woman] Mr. Jackson,
your new intern is here.
Kent, go get her,
bring her in here.
New intern, sir?
Is there something wrong
with the work I've been doing?
Kent, would you look
at this stuff?
There is enough work here
for a battalion of interns.
Mr. Jackson.
He's right in there.
Good luck.
Thanks, but I won't need any.
Hey, Clark.
Surprised to see me?
Well, yeah,
but all of the places
to take your internship,
why the Bureau?
Because of what you do here.
You mean filing,
copying, getting coffee.
No way.
I'm not doing any of that.
See, this place
has all the answers
about UFOs,
psychic phenomenon,
monsters.
- I really haven't
- And maybe even Superboy.
Superboy.
Yeah, what could be more
extra normal than him?
Wouldn't you like to know
more about it? I would.
So would I.
[telephone rings]
Hello. Bureau for Extra
Normal Matters.
Ritter speaking.
What?
You gotta be kidding.
On the Judy Show?
So if you're here for action
and adventure, forget it.
You're an intern.
You're not an agent.
You get coffee.
You cover reports
and you stay out of our hair.
You know, the Bureau
has every high tech
gadget you could want,
except a lousy
cable connection.
If you'd open your eyes.
Lang, this is Matt Ritter,
one of the Bureau's finest
field agents.
We've already met.
Dennis, you should see this.
[grunting]
Oh, my God.
It's that thing they created
at Schuster University.
An imperfect
copy of Superboy.
The file said it left earth.
Evidently, he's back.
Bizarro need someone.
Bizarro,
what are you doing here?
Everyone has someone to love.
Everyone but Bizarro.
Easy, Bizarro. Easy.
Remember me?
I'm your friend.
Bizarro has no friend.
Somebody's gonna get hurt.
Me hurt.
You picked a heck of a time
to take a lunch break.
The phones haven't
stopped ringing since
that Bizarro clown
did his guest shot
on the Judy Show.
Have there been sightings?
No, but you got other things
to worry about, like the phones.
I went to Schuster to pick up
the duplicator. It's not there.
Stolen?
Gotta be.
Hold on.
Artie, stay with it.
You, man the phones.
You got more important
things to do?
No, I guess not.
Well, that's 12 of them.
That oughta do it.
I just don't get it, Lex.
Why bizarro pigeons?
They're bizarro homing pigeons.
I'll give you a hint.
Birds of a feather
Flock together.
Ahh.
Lex, I think it worked.
Bizarro!
Well, I see you must
have caught up with one
of my winged messengers?
Pretty birds make me sad.
Other birds stay away
from them.
Why you make birds,
to make Bizarro sad?
No, no, no, no.
I made them so that
I could find you
so that I could make
you happy.
You make Bizarro happy?
If you make me happy.
How me make you happy?
It's simple.
Kill Superboy.
Why you want
me kill Superboy?
He do nothing to Bizarro.
He do nothing to Bizarro?
Have you looked
at yourself lately?
He made you look like that.
- No.
- Yes, he was jealous.
He knew that an exact replica
would be too much competition.
So he made you look,
well
Ugly?
It's a strong,
but if you think it fits.
Me ugly.
That why Bizarro am lonely.
All the awards,
the testimonial dinners.
He didn't wanna share
all that, and the women.
He certainly didn't wanna
share the women.
Superboy?
You're as good as he is.
You're better.
You're gifted.
You're unique.
Most people have to work
at it,
but Superboy had
everything handed
to him on a silver platter.
Now you tell me
what's most important.
Good looks or character?
But how killing Superboy
get me someone to love?
As soon as he's dead,
I'm going to make someone
just for you.
See? You make me happy,
I make you happy.
You make Bizarro happy?
Yes, yes.
Now there's just one
small problem.
We're gonna have to generate
lots of energy.
I mean, the machine
can handle birds
and flowers
and things like that,
but in order to make
you a whole woman,
we're talking
about a major energy
supply like,
well, Kryptonite,
which they house happen
to have an ample supply of
at the Schiff Military
Research Institute.
Now I want you to force
them to put it all
inside this lead box.
See, that'll protect you
from the radiation.
Me not need.
Kryptonite not hurt Bizarro.
Kryptonite not hurt Bizarro?
Wow, I'm loving
this guy more and more.
Damnedest thing
I've ever seen.
I don't suppose we could
broil it and make believe
we never saw it?
[Lana] Mr. Jackson.
We're busy.
We're busy.
We thought this was
important, sir.
We've been getting calls
about weird white birds
exploding in the sky.
[explosion]
[men and women shouting]
Are you OK?
Sure.
That was pretty
incredible, Clark.
I didn't know you
had it in you.
I usually don't.
There's got to be some
rational explanation
for those birds.
There is.
They're bizarro duplicates
and they're unstable.
You mean like old dynamite?
Sometimes they blow up
right away and sometimes
it takes a while.
- You can never tell.
- Unpredictable.
- Like Bizarro.
- Why isn't he blown up?
Superboy exposed him
to a piece of Bizarro
Kryptonite
and it stabilized him.
Then whoever's using the machine
must not know about that.
Apparently not.
[alarm blaring]
- Clark, what is it?
- You OK, man?
Yeah, I just need
a little air.
The kid is right. Let him go
home, get some rest.
As a matter of fact,
take tomorrow off, Clark.
[screams]
Luthor am right.
You always try to beat me
for being happy.
Luthor.
Go back to old jail
without Kryptonite.
Luthor make wife for Bizarro.
Bizarro, no.
He's trying to trick you.
No. Luthor help Bizarro.
And now me kill Luthor.
[gasps]
[grunts]
Get Kryptonite like you asked.
Superboy try to stop me.
Him dead.
Superboy is dead?
Just like that?
[laughs]
I don't supposed you'd
be offended if I asked
to see the body.
First, you make me
someone to love.
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
It's not hard to see
what's on your mind.
I guess this is show time.
Darla, hon,
can we see you for a sec?
Lex, sweetie,
this isn't gonna
hurt or anything, is it?
Relax, babe.
You'll be fine.
- [ machine beeps]
- I hope.
It's OK, Lex. I'm OK.
[laughs]
Am she the one?
Yes, Bizarro, she am.
Allow me to introduce you
to your blushing bride.
[screams]
No, no, no, my dear.
Let's not be shy.
You'll make a charming
couple I'm sure.
She hate me.
She loves you.
No, no,
she's just awestruck
by your rugged good looks.
You lied, Bizarro.
You mock me.
Mock? You?
Bizarro, babe,
this chick is hot for you.
I can't believe it.
She fell for you.
We gotta get out
of here before
Oh, no, no, no.
No, don't, please.
Wait. We can try again.
She was unstable.
Hey, I can fix that, Bizarro,
babe, for old time's sake.
Darla, he's gonna kill me.
Lex, what do you want me
to do?
[screams]
[screams]
[music playing]