The Awesomes (2013) s03e01 Episode Script

[alarm blaring.]
[frustrated grunting.]
TRANSFUSION ERROR [grunting.]
Listen, Malocchio.
When I turned you good, some of your blood got into my veins, and now I'm turning evil.
Oh no, being evil is the worst.
I can give you some evil tips, though.
When you strangle someone, hold your hands like this.
I can only hold back the evil for a couple more minutes, but [angry grunting.]
[thud.]
- Ooh, sorry about that.
- No problem.
Good finger placement.
Look at me helping you.
There is something I need from you.
Soon I will turn fully evil and begin the process of destroying all of humanity.
That's why I need you to go back to Earth and warn everyone about me before I kill everyone in the world.
[evil laughter.]
Ooh, I don't like that.
Okay, I'm off to do the warning business, - but first goodbye hug? - Make it quick.
[whispers.]
You are my friend.
Can I get your address? I want to send you a thank you Oooh! [evil laughter.]
[title music.]
This feels awesome This feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome Yeah, this feels awesome This feels awesome This feels awesome This feels so awesome [Frantic squeals.]
OceanLand's the best.
So much better than the theme park I went to as a kid, Wet Place.
That was just a damp washcloth in the middle of a cornfield.
- Where did you grow up again? - In the middle of a cornfield.
I'm gonna buy a season pass because you save money that way.
I don't do that.
You're never coming here again.
That's what they said to me at the Museum of what was it? Oh, I only went that one time.
KIDS: Oh my God! - Here we go.
- KIDS: It's Perfect Man! I'm sorry, I only autograph my official head shot.
- Aw! - Lucky for you, I always carry them with me.
You're okay with him getting all the attention? Eh, I kind of like him now.
Besides, he can have everybody else as long as I get you.
[moaning.]
- Can you not get up? - I can't.
Just set me down.
[grunting and bones cracking.]
It's so nice Prock gave us the day off.
Why not? Malocchio Jr.
and the P.
R.
I.
C.
K.
S.
are in jail, Perfect Man stopped an alien invasion.
- We deserve a treat.
- You know what else would be a treat? Cost of living increases and a dental plan.
Who needs dental? I got new veneers at the dollar store.
Did I ever tell you I was a marine biology minor in college? Three times since we left the shuttle bus.
I'm conflicted.
I love seeing majestic sea creatures, but I can't help but think we shouldn't lock them up for our enjoyment.
If it was up to me, we'd lock 'em all up.
I don't trust anyone who breathes with gills.
Has a fish ever hurt you, Gadget Gal? Not yet, but that doesn't mean I'm letting down my guard.
Guys, come on! The Whaley Show's about to start! I can't wait to see Whaley.
He's my favorite fish in the whole world.
Technically whales aren't fish, they're mammals.
Technically you aren't fun to be around.
- You are a bummer.
- Frantic! I'm sorry, I just got Whaley fever! Come on, come on, come on! [tense music.]
[splashing.]
You know, I read dolphin fishing is killing all of the tuna.
It's the other way around.
Sorry, killing all of the tuna is dolphin fishing I read.
- Great.
- Yeah, I didn't read it.
I saw it on TV.
And now it's time to meet our star, Whaley! Whaley, Whaley, Whaley! - Wow! - Whoa! [applause and cheering.]
- He's swimmin' by! - Oh, that is great.
- Whoa-hoa! - What's going on? It's a breakout! [lasers firing.]
[seagull caws.]
No! [dolphins clicking.]
Ah, somebody do something! What the hell is wrong with you? That's a dolphin! Oh, I know what it is.
Gadget Gal, as a marine biology minor, may I remind you that dolphins are just as smart as humans? Oh, they're smart, all right too smart.
[hissing.]
- Screaming at - Amidst the Prock, you should see this.
All over the world, fish are on the attack in efforts to liberate their undersea brethren.
[lasers firing.]
[crowd cheering.]
Hey, man! They're not real fish, man! Looks like this day off just turned into a day on.
- What's the plan? - I think I know someone who can help us: - Seaman.
- Who's Seaman? Known as the King of all Waters, Seaman is an amphibious hero who can control ocean life.
He was an early member of the Awesomes, but he and my father had a falling out.
- What happened? - Seaman thought that since Earth is two-thirds water, he should have control - of two-thirds of the team.
- I remember Seaman.
He was always trying to make time with me.
- I found Seaman very distasteful.
- "Sea-MAN.
" Tell me, Gadget Gal, was he ever in your hair? Seaman was impossible to get out of my hair! So he was always on your back? If he wasn't on my back, Seaman was on my face.
When I was younger, Seaman was everywhere.
- Guys, enough.
- Did you ever put him in Tupperware and then throw him in the freezer to see if you could turn him into a big ice cube? - Why would anyone do that to Seaman? - Yes, why? I try to join in on the fun and I ruined it.
Yes, you did, and when we get home, we are buying new Tupperware.
This is what happens when you start wordplay in front of Muscleman.
- So where is Seaman now? - He lives in an undersea fortress.
Seaman, he's such a pompous ass.
Also, I will be sitting this one out.
I don't like the way my hair looks when it gets wet.
I'll get the Awesome Sub ready.
Okay, Perfect Man, you stay here and put OceanLand back together.
- You too, Hotwire.
- Why? Electricity and water don't mix.
What, you're okay with Hotwire staying on land with Perfect Man? Yeah, I am.
[cheering.]
Now let's go talk to Seaman.
We don't have a lot of time.
But let's not be too early because I have this one Seaman hates it when bear with me - you're premature.
- No.
IMPRESARIO: Oh, I don't like submarines.
I know why you're scared, Impresario, but I am more than happy to teach you how to swim.
Excuse me? Many ignorant people like yourself assume that I, a black man, cannot swim, but I will have you know that I was state champion in the hundred meter backstroke.
I did not wake at five every morning and shave my whole body to suffer your casual racism.
All right, gang, we're almost there, and I'm very excited to debut a new technology I've been working on, Gloxaglobin.
It's an oxygen serum that goes directly into the bloodstream, allowing you to breathe underwater for up to 72 hours.
- Pretty cool, right? - Wow, my first vaccination.
Okay, everybody, suit up.
[grunting.]
I'm gonna leave my T-shirt on.
- Still fits.
- Woo, look at those gams.
Now just gotta carbo load.
- Hey, that's my Tupperware.
- [gags, spits.]
Dammit! [music.]
I'm glad this isn't weird, - you and I on the same team.
- I am, too.
I'll tell you something else.
I'm realizing Prock is a better leader than his father.
Mr.
Awesome was the best hero the world has ever seen, but this might be the best team.
HOTWIRE: That's really sweet of you, Perfect Man.
- Want to make out? - No.
You passed the test.
Platonic friends! [sighs.]
Be prepared, everyone.
We don't know how this is gonna go.
Seaman is a former Awesome, but the last time I saw him, he was leaving Awesome Mountain in a fit of rage.
What a wondrous sight this is! My old friend Jeremy Awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were wet behind the ears.
Seaman joke! Welcome to my kingdom, a land where everyone is invited.
I'm so happy to hear you're not still mad.
Oh please, that's all water under the bridge.
Seaman joke! Sorry, I couldn't "kelp" myself.
- And done, I'm done, I promise.
- Oh, his sense of humor.
- Would you call it crusty? - I call Seaman very crusty.
Oh, oh, thank you.
Awesomes, please accept these tokens of my hospitality.
I can hear the ocean.
Seaman, I hate to get right down to business, but do you know anything about the recent fish attacks on land? Hm, I find it interesting that you're here to investigate violence against humans when our world is dying because of your people.
My oceans have been overfished, polluted, and abused for years.
Did you just throw the paper from the gift I gave you into my ocean? - Sorry? - It's fine, it's fine.
It's all water under the bridge.
- Callback! - Callback? Well, I don't know who's behind the attacks, but you're welcome to stay with me, and together we will find whoever is responsible.
And since you are my guests, I hope you will join me for a dinner tonight in your honor.
Ho-ho-ho, I hope we're having sushi.
Down here we call "sushi" friends and family.
Oh, sorry, in that case, I hope we're having friends and family for dinner.
[chuckling.]
Wonderful.
Rest up and I will see you soon.
My only request is that you all attend.
Attendance is mandatory.
I have something planned that I would hate for anyone to miss, so make sure you all attend.
[chuckling.]
PROCK: All right, we have a few hours to kill before dinner.
Let's try and get as much information as we can, but remember, we are ambassadors from the land, so try and show the respect [slurping and belching.]
[sighs.]
[bar music plays.]
- You a swimmer? - Backstroke, hundred meters.
- Minute-ten.
- Cool, uh, I can do 45 seconds.
Very nice, very nice.
Say, you wouldn't know anything about these recent attacks on land, would ya? Sorry, Legs, we got a saying down here: "Don't talk to nobody who breathes through their mouth.
" Hey, check out that hot mermaid.
- Very nice.
- No, not her, her.
[creepy music.]
IMPRESARIO: Oh! Legs for days and gills for weeks.
Oh my God, oh my God, it's Whaley! - Mr.
Whaley, I am your biggest fan.
- Can't you see I'm busy? [coughing.]
And Whaley's what my captors call me.
My real name is [whale song.]
Never meet your heroes.
Same thing happened when I met André Leon Talley in Milan.
- Was he rude? - No, he was really nice.
- I was lookin' for sass.
- Hey.
I won't make it to dinner tonight.
Got a date with Neppy.
I'm pretty sure Seaman wanted us all to come to dinner.
Also, aren't you grossed out that she has a fish head? Yeah, but she's human in all the right places.
[chuckling.]
- Why does Neppy always get all the guys? - Oh, we're hideous! [sobbing.]
[whirring.]
Since when have you been so good with tools? Since when? I have an engineering degree from MIT.
I built the Metal Fella suit from scratch? - I assumed that came from a kit.
- It didn't.
Have you always been interested in electricity? - I have electrical powers.
- Oh, "Hotwire.
" I always thought it was because you were hot.
I suppose I deserve some blame for that.
- Well, I think our work is done.
- Ho-ho-ho, arcade! - This song is so sad and beautiful.
- It's called "Human Trap.
" You know, I'm a marine biologist.
- Cool.
- Threadfin rainbowfish.
- Salmon.
- Hmm - Thank you, everyone.
I'd like to formerly welcome the Awesomes to our city.
- Wait, where's Muscleman? - I'm so sorry.
He ended up having another commitment.
For real? 'Cause I'm pretty sure the one thing I said was that everyone had to be here tonight.
He's being incredibly "shellfish.
" Seaman joke! - My sincerest apologies, Seaman.
- You know, it's not often our friends from the land make the effort to come down here.
It's just too bad that I only get to see you for a couple days.
I wish you could stay longer, like, I don't know, forever? [maniacal laughter.]
[zapping.]
[grunting.]
We've been poisoned by Seaman.
How dare he! - The balls! - The best.
For years, the ocean has served humans as food, entertainment, a dumping ground, but now the tables have turned.
I've built an entire theme park that puts humans on the other side of the fishbowl.
The Awesomes will now be my crown jewel, the main attraction of LandWorld! Do you offer season passes? Not sure it's right to be playing skee ball while our team is down there in possible danger.
- I'm worried.
- Well, it's showing in your game.
Ooh, I'm gonna get Frantic a stuffed Whaley.
- I think he'll like that.
- That's nice.
I have to say, Perfect Man, I thought once everything died down you'd set out on your own again.
I'm surprised you stayed with the team.
Me too Oh! but they need me.
It's great for my brand.
Ho-ho, free laundry, yup, and most importantly, it's the first time in my life I've had friends.
For some reason I've had a hard time making them in the past.
Hoo-hoo! [laughs.]
I win and you stink.
Perfect Man rules! SUMO: Hey, what's going on? [grunting.]
What the heck? I'm walkin' slower than the lines at Wet Place.
Our powers must not work because of the poison.
Stop it, everyone, we need to rest.
Jellyfish venom causes cells to become porous enough to allow potassium leakage, which can lead to cardiovascular collapse and even death.
I took a jellyfish class for my minor.
- It was in - We know! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Do humans want some yum yums? Better come and do a trick.
The Awesomes will never perform for you, do you hear me? Never.
[music.]
# Hey, man, look at that mermaid # Come on! Can you even call her mermaid? Whether or not, she's technically a mermaid [laughing.]
Take a chance and smooch those lips [grunting and slobbering sounds.]
Hey, what are you doing later? There's this cool new theme park we could check out.
Oh yeah? I love theme parks.
[grunting and slobbering sounds.]
[vomiting.]
What a wondrous sight this is.
And now the main attraction, LandWorld! [music by YMCA.]
I just don't know if the ocean should be [music by YMCA.]
appropriating gay culture like this.
Oh, Frantic, you learned a word.
Yeah, been brushin' up on my gay history.
I'm confused.
How is dressing up like human civilians gay? I am loving this vest, by the way.
Dance, humans, dance! [laughing.]
This is great.
Oh, I just wish Gadget Gal, Concierge, Frantic, Hotwire, Impresario, and Prock were here to see this.
Get your surfer hands here, fresh surfer hands.
Yes, please.
I guess my diet starts tomorrow.
Hey look, there's Muscleman.
ALL: Muscleman! - Help, help! - Muscleman! - Help! - Stick with the act! Oh my God! It's the guy from the poster and all the stuffed animals, Humanu! - Humanu, Humanu! - Guys, we need to signal Muscleman.
What are they spelling? You're askin' the wrong land mammal.
Let's get out of here.
I want you to meet my friends.
I want you to meet my friends but I have no idea where they are.
[sighs.]
Can't even read "Help.
" Aaah! And then Impresario told me Baywatch called and they want my Speedo back.
He told me to take my look to bed because it's tired.
[laughing.]
- I hope Prock and all those guys are okay.
- Hm [ringing sound.]
At this distance, my Perfect Vision gets a little blurry, but it seems like they're at some kind of dance party.
Really? Fun.
That's awkward, what with all your family stuff.
Yeah.
Supervillain dad, dead.
Supervillain brother, in jail.
Mom I guess the Awesomes is my family now.
It's the only family I've ever had! - I don't even know who my parents are.
- Wow, I didn't know that.
We did not communicate when we were a couple.
PERFECT MAN: Really was a perfect relationship.
Just so you know, my friends are great, but sometimes they come across as a little bit pretentious.
Okay, thanks for warning me.
I'll wear my scarf.
And then the human got stung right in the arm by a stingray.
[laughing.]
Humans are actually really smart.
They even spelled out a whole world.
"Harlf?" Something like that.
Ew, I can't believe that you went to LandWorld.
Look at that scarf, what a poser.
- What did the dolphin say? - Um, he really likes your scarf.
You should know, Olivia, LandWorld's doing research and studies that they couldn't do with humans in the wild.
It's educational.
Actually the scarf is kinda growing on me.
Oh yeah, you have no idea.
You guys should watch this documentary we saw.
Is there nudity? BLACK HUMAN and The Five White Geeks It was a regular Thursday at LandWorld for six human beings held against their will.
[somber music.]
[zapping.]
Wow, thank you, Jonah.
I learned so much from that movie.
For example, those humans are my friends and I should go save them.
Wait, those are the Awesomes and you just sat here for two hours and watched the whole movie? [sobbing.]
It was so informative and more nudity than I expected.
For as smart as they always say humans are, this guy is not impressive.
Hey! Not cool.
You speak dolphin? I'm picking it up.
I'm very good with languages.
Well, if you want to help your friends, you're in luck, Muscleman, because Jonah and his friends have been working on a plan to break into LandWorld and free all the land creatures.
You want to join us? F*!% YEAH! We gotta get out of here, Prock.
I had to start a prison relationship with Gadget Gal just to survive.
I I know I'm gay, but you gotta do what you gotta do on the inside.
Hey doll boy, I don't remember giving you permission to talk to other people.
[punches.]
Go, you're free! Go back to living the way mother nature intended.
Muscleman, they can't breathe.
I got this.
[heroic music .]
- Hi, everyone.
- Muscleman, you finally rescued us.
Hey, our powers are back! And the water is really warm now.
- Is someone peeing right now? - That would be me.
Brilliant move, Muscleman.
I thought it was an old wives' tale, but urine does combat jellyfish poison.
Jellyfish, what are you talkin' about? I just thought you could pee anywhere in the ocean.
Technically he's right.
SEAMAN: Well, well, well, if it isn't my little humans.
Ready for another show? Seaman! But where is he? There's only one way to find Seaman in the dark a black light.
Good, I want you to see me as I fulfill my life's goal of destroying the Awesomes.
- But I don't understand.
Why? - Three reasons.
One, your father never respected me.
Two, the Earth's greatest heroes have ignored the oceans for too long.
And three, just for the "halibut.
" Seaman joke! [zapping.]
[action music.]
Fins up, boys! [lasers firing.]
Call me Ishmael! [airplane engine sound.]
That's what you get for ignorin' a true fan.
[camera phone clicking.]
Hit him in the back.
Tigerfish have weak spines.
- Ow! - I'm a tuna.
Ah! Sorry, Charlie.
[zapping.]
Stop.
So how do you defeat the King of the Sea in the middle of the ocean? Also, was I dumb to let Hotwire and Perfect Man stay on land and hang out together? No, no, it's fine.
We are a great couple and I need to stay confident.
She's not going to be into me if I'm one of those jealous boyfriends.
Now, back to Seaman.
What's his weakness? Oh, right, puns.
Start.
Hey, Seaman, I always thought that if my father offended you it was an accident.
- And? - Now I realize he did it on "porpoise.
" Oh! [laughing.]
Oh, I don't know why that got me.
[laughs.]
That's just right in my wheelhouse.
"Porpoise" instead of "purpose.
" It's like a pun and it's about the ocean.
[laughs.]
How long were you thinking of that? Was that off the cuff? Muscleman, Sumo, now! [grunting.]
[music.]
Yes, that's from the carbo loading.
Ain't no carbs in seaweed.
Hey man, what color would you say you are? - Silver.
- That's right, and I'm the gold.
Oh, say can you see.
- Impresario, now! - Oh yeah.
Aaah! Oh no! Make sure his skin stays wet.
There's nothing worse than dry Seaman.
It's "Sea-MAN.
" Holy mackerel, Gadget Gal, you've known me for 50 years.
Oh, it's true, I've seen a lot of Seaman in my time.
Humanu, can I get your autograph? I'd love to stay in touch.
Do you have e-mail? Yeah.
It's just "Muscleman.
" M-A-K-K-L-E There's probably an "a" in there.
I love you, Neppy.
But we both know this could never work.
I know, but I'll never stop thinking about you.
We'll always have LandWorld.
Oh wait, no we won't.
[grunting and slobbering sounds.]
Wait, Muscleman.
I need you to do something for me.
Look around you.
The oceans are dying.
When you get home, I need you to tell your people to take better care of the ocean.
It's our only hope.
I'm so impressed that you're taking this issue so seriously, Muscleman.
Well, Hotwire, I really believe that change has to start with us.
Off you go, boys.
[beeping.]
[sighs.]
Well, worth a shot.
[alarm ringing.]
The Intruder Alarm! Dad? [music.]
How am I supposed to know that you're high # if you won't let me touch you # Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Whoa oh oh oh oh How am I supposed to know that you're high if you won't even dance Yeah, you won't even dance