The Boondocks s03e01 Episode Script

Towards the end of the 2008 campaign, the republican party, terrified at their own sinking poll numbers, attempted to link Barack Obama to radical leftist figures to make him appear UN-American.
First was the controversial reverend Jeremiah Wright.
I say mother [Bleep.]
America! [Bleep.]
America's mother! [Bleep.]
America's daddy! America can eat a dick! America can lick the balls! When that failed, Republicans tried linking Obama with Huey Freeman after discovering the two were MySpace friends.
Did they leave each other glitter comments? The public has a right to know.
Okay, this is a little boy who thinks that Jesus is black, Ronald Reagan is the devil, and the government is lying about Kids like this need to be on America's [Bleep.]
List, not our friend list.
Obama did his best to downplay the relationship.
Look, I have many, many friends on MySpace.
I-I pretty much add anybody.
I don't know who this Huey Freeman is, but he doesn't stand for what I stand for, and I denounce, I repudiate, and condemn him.
Basically [Bleep.]
Him.
* I am the stone that the builder refused * * I am the visual, the inspiration that made lady sing the blues * * I'm the spark that makes your idea bright * * the same spark that lights the dark * * so that you can know your left from your right * * I am the ballot in your box, the bullet in the gun * * the inner glow that lets you know to call your brother son * * the story that just begun * * the promise of what's to come * * and I'ma remain a soldier till the war is won * I tracked down the notoriously reclusive Huey Freeman here, where he lives with his grandfather and younger brother.
The first thing I notice about Huey is his incredibly large hair.
The second thing I notice is his permanent scowl.
How does it feel to be labeled a domestic terrorist? Eh, I'm retired.
So, then, now that it looks like Obama is going to win, as a black African-American Negro, are you merely excited, or are you extremely excited that everything is going to change forever? Eh.
I felt my sphincter clinch and my scrotum contract in shock at his response.
I swear that boy just likes to be miserable.
He can't enjoy nothing.
All he wanna talk about is the build-a-bear group, the federal reserve, and all that bull [Bleep.]
I don't know where he get that from.
He didn't get it from me.
I believe in hope and change.
Nobody knows exactly how old Robert Freeman is, not even Robert Freeman himself, but his age is estimated somewhere between 80 and 120 years old.
This is what me and my generation -- but mostly me -- struggled for, sacrificed for -- you can say personally, individually, paved the way for.
The dogs were after us, so I took off my belt and started whipping on the dogs.
Then I started running.
Then I looked behind me.
Jesse Jackson was supposed to be there, but he had jumped into a dumpster, hiding.
That punk ass.
I find it difficult to determine whether Robert is a pathological liar or suffering the early stages of dementia.
So, if the election is fake, then what's really going on? The end of America.
I felt despair so terrible, I briefly considered slitting my own wrists or bludgeoning myself about the head with a steel pipe or baseball bat, but I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat.
Describe Riley Freeman in one word.
Mm, I'd say "real nigga.
" "Real nigga" is two words.
I know it's two words, nigga! Real niggas don't follow instructions.
This is Robert Freeman's other grandson, Riley.
He's empowered by the prospect of a black president, not in the way society would hope or expect.
Oh, if my nigga Obama gets up in there, wssh, I'ma act a fool! I ain't doing no more homework, nothin'.
We taking over.
Come on, what's a cop gonna do to me? I'ma be like, "don't make me call the president, bitch!" And the cop's -- he gonna be like, "oh, snap, Riley, a real nigga -- the president's a real nigga.
"We can't do nothing!" I can't wait.
* I got way too many cars in my driveway * * I got boats, I got planes * * nigga, I'm paid * this is Otis Jenkins, but in the United States, he's better known by his rap moniker "thugnificent," a combination of the words "thug" and "magnificent.
" Otis has found success like many Negro American entertainers today by being a professional buffoon.
Are you supporting Barack Obama? For what? For president.
President of what? You don't know there's a black man running for president named Barack Obama? His name is Barack, for real? Barack Obama, yes.
Get the [Bleep.]
Out of here.
Barack? Yes, barack.
Where's he from -- Africa? His dad was African, yes.
You can't be serious, man.
There ain't no nigga running for president named barack Obama.
No [Bleep.]
Way, man.
No [Bleep.]
Way! I don't believe you.
Stop [Bleep.]
With me.
If he wins, I think it will literally be the best day of my life.
Tom and Sarah Dubois are also neighbors of the Freemans.
They both work on the Obama campaign.
Barack has Already changed our lives in so many ways.
How? Well, I mean, it's no secret that me and Tom have had some problems in the past with our relationship Well, it's not like the whole world knew.
But I think ever since we started working together for barack Things are totally different now.
Much better, and it's all thanks to barack.
He is such a wonderful, wonderful man.
I just think it's about time we had a president who was smart and tall and charming and strong and fit.
Just like your hubby? This isn't about you, sweetie.
It is always obvious when a couple hasn't engaged in normal marital relations for some time.
Obama, of course, is as polarizing as he is transformative.
Some have accused Obama of being a socialist.
Others believe that he's a Muslim.
Some have gone as far as to label him the anti-Christ.
He is the socialist Muslim anti-Christ! This is Uncle ruckus.
He's an Uncle Tom, perhaps the biggest Uncle Tom to have ever lived.
If this nigga gets elected, America is over -- over! You want this nigga to [Bleep.]
In the same place William Taft [Bleep.]
?! And his big wife -- she don't need to be in the white house.
She should be in the wnba, shooting foul shots.
Unh.
You want my brick, you gonna have to pry it from my cold, dead hands, Mr.
Obama Hussein! Nigga down! What is wrong with letting people be happy? Can too much hope possibly be a bad thing? Hope is irrational.
In Bavaria, we have a saying, "Der Junge ist ja total bedient.
" It means, "this is the most depressing [Bleep.]
Kid I've ever "met in my life.
" I sit down once again with thugnificent, who appears to have undergone a political awakening since our last conversation.
So, you know who Obama is now? Oh, no, I knew who the nigga was -- I was just joking.
You were not joking.
You jumped on the Obama celebrity bandwagon because it will give you much needed exposure.
No, see, it ain't got nothing to do with that.
You know what I'm saying? I started looking into his political positions and his -- and his -- and his policies and views and whatnot.
What policies? Well, you know, I heard the nigga speak, right, and how he was talking about changing some Or hoping for some And I thought, yeah, I mean, you know, all the nigga's asking for is hope.
You can sit on your ass all day and hope.
If you're too lazy to hope, you is a lazy [Bleep.]
That's all I know.
I'm voting for Obama because he's gonna lower my taxes.
Actually, he has promised to raise taxes at your income level.
Huh? And he's just really, really fit To lead -- and, also, body fit, too.
Well, I also support Obama because he's against corporate bailouts.
That is also not true.
Huh? I'm supporting Obama because He black.
And he's gonna get the troops out of Afghanistan, right? Also wrong.
Then what the [Bleep.]
That nigga gonna do?! I mean, we all need to, you know, do some [Bleep.]
Sometimes.
You know what I'm sayin'? Some [Bleep.]
Needs to get done.
And until we do that [Bleep.]
Ain't gonna change.
So I thought to myself, "let's do this [Bleep.]
" And that's when will.
I.
Am called me about doing this damn song.
Thugnificent joins will.
I.
Am's all-star celebrity tribute to barack Obama.
* got up this morning * * things weren't working right * * I said I want to make a change * * I said I wanna fight * * Obama walked up and said, "yes, we can" * * I said, "I want to ride your nuts 'cause I think you're the man * * and now I'm dick-riding * * Obama, Obama * * now I'm dick-riding * * Obama, Obama * * now I'm dick-riding * * Obama, Obama * * now I'm dick-riding, riding, riding * * dick-riding for tomorrow * * dick-riding for today * * dick-riding for the straight * * dick-riding for the gay * * dick-riding for America * * dick-riding for Iraq * * it's okay to ride that dick, just as long as it's Barack's * * and now we're dick-riding * * Obama, Obama * it is finally election night.
Robert Freeman is throwing a party.
Well, it's been a long black struggle, and I felt me and barack deserved a party.
All around the room, I see black faces beaming with elation.
It is as though each of them has been elected president Almost each of them.
What's wrong with you? I thought you'd be dancing on your tail with the rest of the circus chimps.
Look at 'em -- just as happy as a pig in [Bleep.]
Can't they see? Can't they see what this nigga's gonna do to our great country?! Looks like we the only two people with sense in this whole room, just you and me -- just you and me.
Ruckus, shut up and get back to work and grab some more champagne! See? Niggas already getting uppity! So I'm thinking that this is gonna be my new look.
Oh.
That's a way to go.
I mean, I feel like it's more grown-up, you know? Like, having tighter clothes is definitely gonna make people take me more seriously.
It's really gonna happen.
It's all gonna be better now.
It's all gonna be better, right, honey? Tom, I'm trying to watch this.
Mnh.
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
I heard the presidential limo is gonna be, like, a crazy, pimped-out Cadillac now, with rims and, like, machine guns and lasers.
Excuse me! I'd like to propose a toast.
Now, I'd just like to say that today is a very special day for me.
I hope you all are enjoying the cheese, wine, and freedom I have struggled so hard to provide tonight.
And because of my pain and suffering, the black struggle is officially over.
No longer can they keep us down.
No longer can we be silenced This is it! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! And now we have the returns from the West coast coming in here.
Okay.
And so, yes, folks, we are calling it -- barack Hussein Obama will be the next president of the United States.
Obama! Obama! Obama! Obama! Yeah, Obama! For the first time in my life, I am proud to be an American! Yeah! Why, lord?! * Obama! * * o-o-Obama! * * Obama! * O-Ba-ma.
O-Ba-ma.
It is days before the inauguration, and obamamania is at a fever pitch.
I return to Woodcrest to check on the Freemans.
I don't necessarily think of myself as a hero.
Uh, and when people always ask me if I want a medal or a monument or a statue in my honor, I say, "no, mnh-mnh.
Mnh-mnh.
All I want to do is be there, in person, on that glorious day, when the first black president "take the oath.
" I just want to stand in the crowd, somewhere in the front, maybe in the VIP section, maybe next to Beyoncé.
Are you aware that some people are paying as much as $50,000 for VIP inauguration tickets? Well, I don't think you can put a price on decades of struggle.
Did you contribute any money at all to the Obama campaign? I paid 10 bucks for this t-shirt.
Did you get that from the campaign website? No, I got it from the guy at the car wash, but it's still free advertising when a lot of people have seen me in this shirt.
I mean, before we change the world, we got to change ourselves first.
I mean, this is the new colorless, flavorless, and unscented era.
Like, from now on, I'm calling all my niggas "Obamas," and all my bitches I'm calling "Michelles.
" I mean, think about it.
If you was a bitch, right, would you rather be called a bitch or Michelle? And what about bitches named Michelle? Man, you making jokes.
I'm trying to uplift my Obamas.
* Obama walked up and said, "yes, we can" * Yes, can you tell the president-elect it's civil rights legend Robert Freeman -- f-r-e-e-m-a-n -- who struggled to open the door for him to be president? You got all that? Right.
Just tell him I'm calling again about those tickets -- again.
Hey, man, I got that Obama water.
Change the way you hydrate, brother.
Yo, little man, hey, hey, check it out.
I got commemorative plates, two for $20.
How many you need? I'm cool.
Man, can you believe it? In a few days, we're gonna have a black president.
Aren't you excited, little man? Eh.
"Eh"? What's "eh" supposed to mean? Just means "eh.
" Yo, what the deal, man? Yo, yo.
What's up, man? I asked this kid if he was excited about Obama, and he said, "eh.
" "Eh"? He said, "eh"? Yeah.
What's wrong with you? You're not excited? Not excited?! Who ain't excited? This little nigga right here! Why ain't he excited? So you don't like Obama! You want McCain to win! I never said that.
Why ain't you like barack Obama? He got a lovely family.
Not according to this little nigga.
He got a problem with a black president.
What's going on? What did I tell you about talking to anybody about anything? I didn't say anything! I ought to kick your ass! Hey, everybody, just calm down.
Make a hole, darkies! Just what the hell is going on here? Ruckus? Oh, no.
This little big-haired nigga hates Obama! And I say good for him.
Leave this little boy alone.
He telling the truth! Barack Obama is an evil man! Hey, everybody, just calm down! You heard us.
You say, "yes, we can.
" We say, "no, you can't, nigga!" Oh, hell, no! Oh, ow! I can't see! Ow! Run! It's a monkey stampede, race war! Somebody, help! Get in! Get in the car, quick! Drive! Drive! Go, granddad! The American press struggles to comprehend the incident.
To them, Huey is like a calf that refuses its mother's udder, choosing instead to drink the bitter waters of its own making.
Here is the danger of too much hope -- skeptics are treated like blasphemers, and indifference becomes equal to hate.
Robert Freeman calls a press conference to do damage control.
Huey Freeman is not really my grandson.
I refute, renounce, and rebuke him.
I hope this incident in no way affects my request for VIP inaugural tickets and/or the inaugural ball with Beyoncé.
Rosa parks is no longer with us, but I consider myself to be the next best thing -- in many ways, better.
Where is your wife? She's in, uh, D.
C.
There was a problem or something with the tickets, so we only had one, and I let her have it.
Are you afraid your wife will have lusty sex with barack Obama? What? No! No, that's impossible.
I didn't ask if it was possible, only if you were afraid.
I can't help but notice you are like a less attractive, less wealthy, less powerful version of him.
It is quite understandable for you to be concerned.
Celebrities, dignitaries, and civil rights legends are arriving in droves for the inauguration of barack Obama.
Anyone hoping to get tickets at this point, don't bother.
The ship has sailed, and you are not on it because you are not important.
Hey, granddad, this was at the door.
"Office of the president-elect"? Mr.
Freeman, please find enclosed two VIP tickets to the inauguration, as well as the inaugural ball with Beyoncé, as a small token of gratitude for all the sacrifices you've made on behalf of me and this great country.
I look forward to sharing this historic day with you.
Sincerely, president-elect barack Obama.
What's going on? I'm going to the inauguration.
You want to come? Yeah, boy! And just like that, virtually foaming at the mouth with unbridled excitement, Robert and Riley leave for the inauguration.
You are looking at the final mission of a domestic terrorist, operation exodus.
Convinced he has no place in Obama's America, Huey Freeman decides to leave the country for good, and he has an unlikely companion.
I was gonna go to the inauguration and try to crown Obama with a brick, but who am I fooling? My arm just ain't what it used to be.
Plus, that greasy nigga is really fast.
And knowing these liberal activist judges, they might actually try and put me in jail for it.
No, I think -- I think it's time for me to leave this great country.
Oh, I can't bear to see it run by an African Muslim communist anti-Christ.
I just can't! It's just like when Nicole brown Simpson married that nigga o.
J.
Back on February 2, 1985.
Oh, I knew it was gonna end badly.
I told 'em.
I told 'em all! But nobody wanted to listen to old Uncle ruckus then, neither.
I want to go someplace I'll fit in, like Norway or Ireland.
What about the Ivory Coast? Absolutely no Africa! No way! All them countries got nigga presidents, which defeats the whole purpose of leaving this country.
How do you feel being teamed up with your archenemy? First of all, we're not a team.
Second of all, we're not a team.
I've got gas money.
He's got the license.
We're just gonna drive to Canada and then go our separate ways.
You see, bill, I consider myself a black leader now, and that means helping Obama and doing anything he asks.
Oh, yes, I can hear your concern for the state of the world in that song you did about stomping people in the nuts.
Oh, that was the old me.
Everything is different now.
I'm much, much, much more politically aware and stuff.
Really? Well, name the three branches of government, then.
The what? Come on, black leader.
It's fourth-grade social-studies time.
What are the three branches of government? Uh, let's see.
They got the main branch.
Uh if you're a black leader, I'm glad I'm a white man.
What a moron! What's the point of talking if nobody ever learns? This is an outrage! I have my rights! Oh! Oh, them bricks ain't mine! Ain't that a surprise? Already taking away my constitutional right to bear bricks! Martial law! Martial law! Get your arms off of me! We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.
The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit, to choose our better history We demand to see him! No, please! I have VIP tickets! We all got VIP tickets! Hey! Get your hands off me.
A'ight, you in trouble now.
I'm calling my nigga obeezy.
Please, don't tase me! Don't tase me, bro! I'm a old man! I got a heart condition! Aaaaaah! You can't do this to me! I'm a civil rights legend! Aaaaaah! Save us, Obama! The path for the fainthearted Huey Freeman is forced to abort operation exodus because he cannot get a ride.
Barack Obama? I just found out that fool is gonna raise my taxes.
His promises are just like his tickets -- worthless.
Good thing I didn't vote for his lyin' ass.
Obama ain't no real nigga.
And check this out -- I heard he works for the feds.
That ain't a good look, barack.
Washington was indescribable.
It was just so amazing.
And I got to meet him! Was he everything you dreamed he would be? Oh, yes, he was, and so much more! Oh, yeah, I'm still down for the cause and [Bleep.]
But I'm like, "hey, I did my part.
" You know what I'm saying? I got the nigga elected.
You know, time to get back to work -- you feel me? -- Doing what thugnificent do.
Besides, them tight-ass clothes was cutting off my circulation.
Due to the conditions of my parole, I am unable to leave the country at this time.
I am forced to remain here and express my extreme displeasure, while in no way threatening the life of the president and his beautiful monkey family.
I ask Huey Freeman if he has any final thoughts he'd like to share.
Yeah.
I'm retired.