The Other Two (2019) s03e01 Episode Script
Cary Watches People Watch His Movie
1
You're watching "The Gay Minute"
on HuffPo Live, now
with an all-gay crew.
- [LIGHT CRASHES]
- Concern.
This week in gay news,
the indie drama "Night Nurse,"
now starring Edie Falco,
Beanie Feldstein, and Cary Dubek,
is finally set to
premiere three years later
after the most COVID
delays of any movie.
- Also in gay news, Laura Dern
- [PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, sorry, one sec.
- Hey!
- Hey, uh, can I borrow
a shirt for the premiere tonight?
All my clothes are still wrinkled,
and this guy just used
the one I had out to, uh
- clean up.
- What's on it, C, P, or B?
I think C and, um, P.
Oh, fun,
but no, sorry,
I'm coming straight from work.
Oh, right.
- How's it been going?
- Great.
We just hit a thousand eps.
- [LIGHT CRASHES]
- Ah!
I'm so happy for you.
You're really killing it.
Aw, thanks, pal.
Oh, and you should just wear your suit
with no shirt tonight.
You're an actor in the movie.
- You gotta bring it.
- Ah, maybe.
I'm already doing little chain and
- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Oh, hey, I gotta go.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Hey, would you be mad if
I went somewhere anti-gay
for my honeymoon?
Uh, hello, sweet sister.
All of the good places are anti-gay.
Well, what does your fiancé think?
No, Car, I would never do that to you.
Lance, I honestly do not care.
My dream in life is to be able to
afford a trip somewhere anti-gay.
Wait, hold on. What
are you wearing tonight?
I don't know, maybe something crazy.
You should, absolutely, and
then I'll go more subdued,
'cause I don't wanna draw
any attention from you.
This is your night!
[PHONE CLICKS AND BEEPS]
Okay, this is insane.
Yeah, this is nice and subtle.
I-I-I'm a winner ♪
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [CAMERAS CLICKING]
Excuse me, excuse me. I'm with Sony.
Excuse me, Sony coming through.
Thank you. So how are we feeling?
Good. Nervous, you know?
I just really want tonight to go well.
- It's been so long.
- It'll be perfect.
Just make sure to say how
fun the movie was to shoot,
and if anyone asks,
the entire art department
all died of cancer.
- Right, of course, yeah.
- Chase, hey!
You've been killing it
these last couple years.
- Thanks.
- You and your nail polish,
your cell phone company,
your natural gas pipeline
And most importantly, I
released my sophomore album.
Wait, you did?
Yeah, he's a singer. He wanted to sing,
we heard him, and we let him.
Oh, when did it come out?
Uh, January 6, 2021.
Yeah, it went live on Spotify right
as the Capitol was being breached.
Tough break. Now, I gotta ask
the question on everyone's mind:
how old are you these days?
I'm 18.
[DEEP VOICE] Oh, my God, fuck me.
No! Almost 18. It's in a few days.
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh. Well,
good to see you, cutie.
- Thanks.
- And now, I have
one of the real stars
of the night, Cary Dubek.
Thanks, yeah, I had so much fun
shooting this movie, and you know,
it was my first-ever acting role.
And was it exactly everything
you thought it would be?
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
Okay, cameras rolling.
Whenever you're ready, Cary.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Cut! Everyone, outside, now!
There has been a positive! Out!
Yeah, yeah, it was, uh,
very fun and, uh, chill.
- [LAUGHTER]
- And it's just so nice
that this movie celebrates
the real heroes: nurses.
Yeah, but haven't they
also been celebrated enough?
I mean, we banged pots
for, like, two weeks.
- [CHUCKLES]
- We did that for a year
I just think they get it, you know?
Like, it's 2023. Enough with the nurses.
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
So, uh, what does your fiancé do?
Oh, he's a fashion designer, right?
No, uh, he was,
but he left the industry
during the whole pandemic,
- so
- And what does he do now?
Hey! This is so legit.
- [GASPS]
- Oh, my God.
Sorry, again, I didn't wear a tux, babe.
You know I gotta go
straight to my shift.
- Oh, no, of course.
- [LAUGHS] It's fine.
I just wanna say thank you so much
for your service. You
were on the front lines,
keeping this country
running, risking your life?
And I think one of
the most fun parts was
just hanging out with the cast
you know, Edie Falco and Beanie
We live for Beans.
I bet y'all were always
yucking it up at lunch.
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
Hey, Beanie,
- mind if I sit with
- [BANGING ON PLASTIC]
Too close! Back away!
- It is not safe!
- Okay.
The air is not safe!
Yeah, that is what happened, yeah.
Well, color me jeal, and thanks so much
- for your time tonight.
- Thanks, okay.
Hold on. Uh, keep the cameras rolling.
Streeter Peters, DreamTeam Management.
As you know, I represent
ChaseDreams, Pat Dubek.
But now I also represent
some new and, some might say, better
[CHUCKLES] Talent.
That's right. I made a few
"impulse purchases" on TikTok
during the pandemmy,
and now I represent
some really fun people
that I'm so passionate about,
like the Barbacado family!
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
And what do they do?
[LAUGH SOFTENS] What do they ?
What do they do?
Well, they are a family.
Yeah, and the four in the
back, they dance together,
and the little one, she just
tumbles in front of 'em. Yeah.
Okay, that's great, thank you.
So where do you think they would go,
you know, in culture?
Oh, wait, hold on.
I also have a TikTok beekeeper lady.
[WHISTLES] Hey!
Yeah, is she something?
I just think the last three years,
a lot of people felt compelled
to make a change, you know?
And with nursing, I thought I
could really make a difference.
I guess I just found a new calling.
ALL: Aw
But nursing school's hard, yo.
Like, seriously, how
long did it take, B?
I feel like when I started,
you were on season two
of "Survivor," and by
the time I was done,
you watched all 40 seasons
and "Grey's Anatomy"
plus all of "The Circle."
Oh, God, I watched so much pandemic TV,
but I couldn't do "The Circle."
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yeah, no,
I didn't watch "The Circle." [CHUCKLES]
Yes, you did, babe.
Remember I was studying
for the TEAS exam,
and you couldn't get Netflix to load?
And you would just, like,
scream, and you'd cry.
You're like [FAKE-CRYING] "I
just wanna watch 'The Circle.'"
[LAUGHTER] Remember?
Yeah, well, fuck me straight to hell.
I guess I did watch "The Circle."
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
But I don't only watch TV,
- for the record.
- Yeah, no, that's
that's not what I meant at all.
Brooke's still killing it as a manager.
Her partner's here, actually.
He's right there.
No, I did not bring 2,000
bees to this premiere.
I brought 2,000 clients
to this premiere.
- [BEE BUZZES]
- Ah!
[MUTTERS] Oh, my God.
I'm gonna go to the restroom.
So in conclusion, acting is,
so far, everything I thought it'd be.
And you're done. That's everybody.
You can go get a drink if you want.
Oh, I actually wanna go
do "Age, Net Worth, Feet,"
- real quick.
- And let's see those little piggies.
Oh, no, you don't have to do that one.
It's okay. He's my friend.
Cary? Cary!
- Hi, honey.
- Mom?
Where are you?
In here, inside my new security detail!
You look so handsome!
- [MIRROR WHIRS]
- Oh, wait.
Aw, you do look handsome!
Thanks, and your eye looks lovely.
Where's Brookie?
Um
[WATER SLOWLY LEAKING]
Ugh, great,
you're a nurse too?
No, I'm a waiter.
They just made us dress like this,
'cause "Night Nurse."
So you look like a nurse,
but you're just a waiter. Perfect.
Everyone, please take your seats.
- Here we are.
- The screening is about to begin.
Oh, my God, ChaseDreams, hi.
- Hi.
- Such a fan.
- Thanks.
- And how old are you now?
- 18.
- [HISSES]
On Monday, bitch.
Oh.
Well, enjoy the movie, cutie.
This fucking industry
Sorry. Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
Hi, everyone,
my fiancé is about to sit down,
and he is dressed like a nurse,
but he's just one of the waiters.
Yeah, he is merely in
the service industry.
- So
- Hi, babe.
Hi, your wife just told us what you do.
Thank you for your service.
You were on the front lines,
keeping this country running,
- risking your life
- Oh, my fucking God.
Whoo! Hello, and good evening!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you all for coming to the premiere
of "Night Nurse," which
comes out on VOD tomorrow
after a very, very long road. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Oh. [CHUCKLES] Oh.
- [MIC FEEDBACK]
- Oh, please, it is us
who should be thanking you,
and as a token of my gratitude,
I would now like to give to you
the Barbacado family! [LAUGHS]
[POP MUSIC PLAYS]
- Oh, let's go, Barbacados!
- No.
♪
Sorry, no. Um, I think we've all waited
long enough for the movie.
- [CLAPPING]
- Whoo-hoo!
So what do you say? Let's get to it!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Aw, Car, it's happening.
It took 33 years, but tonight,
you get to watch people
watch a movie you're in.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
This movie has been
a real labor of love,
and I'm so grateful to
finally share it with you all,
and in a big, beautiful movie theater!
Remember those? [LAUGHTER]
'Cause let's be honest:
movie theaters have taken quite
a beating these past few years,
and it's just so special oh, what?
Okay, I'm hearing this
movie theater has been sold.
Everyone needs to leave.
This is now a Starbucks.
- [LIGHTS BOOM ON]
- Let's go!
You're trespassing! Get out!
Wait, what the fuck? Is this real?
What?
Oh, my God, this is so insane.
But it would be nice to
have a Starbucks here.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Coming, coming, coming, coming!
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Happy Your-Movie's-on-VOD Day!
[ALL CHEER]
I brought my friends.
So we have a full house.
Oh, thank you for coming.
I know it's dumb,
but I just still wanted to try
to make this into something.
Of course. It is something.
Yeah, and honestly, it's
better watching movies on TV.
I mean, like, is it just me,
- or do movie theaters suck?
- They
Totally. People kicking your seat.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but
$8 for a tub of popcorn?
It's like I gotta put
a down payment down
- just to get a soda.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, well, look, you're
all full of shit, but sure.
Um, no, for real, TV's great.
I mean, "Friends" was on TV,
and now, 20 years later,
your movie can be the new "Friends."
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
Yo, what's the runtime
on this bad boy, Car?
- 89 minutes.
- Mm, perfect!
Lance and I just have to leave
for a party at his hospital in 90,
so this is gonna time out great.
All right, everybody ready?
Let's get this viewing party started!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- All right.
- Okay, what is my password?
I think it's, uh
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
I feel bad we had to leave before
Cary even figured out his password.
I know, me too.
But this party's very important to me.
No, yeah, of course.
I wouldn't miss this.
But also, what is this?
It is a going-away party for one
of our sign language interpreters.
She's moving to Bolivia to
start a school for the deaf.
Pretty cool, right?
Yup, yes. How good of her.
Yeah. Yo, what's up, everybody?
- [ALL CHEER]
- Lance!
- Ah!
- Hey!
Let's go get it!
[BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH]
Yes, I, too, am this beloved at work.
Oh, did you see?
They got the new mattress
in the break room!
Oh, hell yeah. The
old one was killing me.
I know. So bad, right?
- It was the worst, right?
- The worst.
- The springs were
- What?
That thing was crazy.
Hey, Damien Davis,
the basketball player?
Um, not sure if you remember me,
but we fucked in early 2020,
and you sued me to death.
Oh, right. How are you?
Yeah, good.
Good, and I see that you're
also dating a nurse now too?
[CHUCKLES] Real talk
doesn't being around them make you wanna
kind of blow your brains out?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, no.
I'm actually a nurse now, myself.
- What's that?
- Well, I'm in nursing school.
I got a long road ahead,
but I don't know, the last few years
just sort of shifted my priorities.
I'm sorry.
Did every person in the industry
just, like, change careers
and start "doing good?"
- Shh, she's coming.
- [WHISPERING] Quiet, quiet.
[WHISPERING] She's coming.
ALL: Surprise!
Oh! Oh, what?
Aw, this is too much.
Wait, Pitzi Pyle?
Yes!
- [SNORTS]
- I did it!
I'm in Hulu!
You are? Yay!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
It's weirdly the first password I tried,
but with an exclamation point.
Okay. Now I just need to find
"Night Nurse," and we can watch it.
Is "Night Nurse" not on Hulu?
Okay, baby boy.
We have, unfortunately,
reached the end of this road for me.
No, I wanna watch it with other people
so I can watch them watch.
I love you deeply. I really do,
but I have go host "BagelBites TV."
So maybe tomorrow? Okay.
[SIGHS]
Mom! Hey, uh,
I was just wondering if
I could, maybe, come over
and watch "Night Nurse" with you?
Sure, honey.
We can have a little
movie premiere of our own.
It'll be even better
than the one yesterday.
I just need to figure
out which remote does what
and, also, how to turn
on my screen, and
Oh, my God, never mind, Mom, bye.
[SIGHS]
Oh, my God.
Yes
Sorry, thank you for talking.
I just I'm confused.
You're a sign language interpreter now?
You were one of the worst
people in the entire industry.
You once called my brother the
F word twice in one meeting.
Whoa, that does sound like me
the old me. And I was wretched, sick.
I was deformed, deformed.
Every morning, from the industry,
I would wake up like this.
Why? What did it give me?
It only took it only took
it only takes.
[CHUCKLES] I mean,
- the industry's not that bad.
- Oh, it is.
Brooke, it makes you ill,
physically, mentally, spiritually.
I was becoming a bad person.
I sued my nephew.
After the last two years,
I realized I have to do
something meaningful with my life,
and now, I wake up in the
morning, and guess what.
- What?
- I start bawling
out of joy.
Right when you wake up?
Immediately, yeah.
Eyes open, tears fall, it's wild.
Life is wild.
It's a gift, and it's never
too late to heal, Brooke.
I'm healing. I'm healing!
- [LAUGHS]
- [FAKE LAUGHS]
That's great. I'm really,
- really happy for you.
- Ugh, thank you.
I just I think I need to be alone,
go for a walk.
Oh, if you need to
take a walk to be happy,
then take that walk.
- Kay.
- Be well!
Oh, sorry, this is
"goodbye" in sign language.
[SIGHS] Oh, God
- Move, move, move!
- Oh, Jesus.
She's a fucking liability,
and everyone knows that.
I know it, you know it,
and every patient here
- Okay, here you go.
- Mm, thank you.
- What are we watching?
- This movie, "Night Nurse."
- It just came out tonight.
- Oh, I don't know if I have
a whole movie in me tonight.
Maybe we can just watch
30 episodes of "Friends."
Yeah! That's better.
Okay, she clocks in for work
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
Crap. Fucking "Friends."
A'ight, let me see.
What am I in the mood for?
Oh, I have been wanting to watch the one
- with all the nurses.
- [WHISPERING] Yes!
Now, this guy has taste.
Okay, here we go, season
four, episode seven:
"The One with All the Nurses."
Damn it.
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
What?
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
[GROANS] God, this app is so glitchy.
[GROANS]
Fine, I'll just watch this.
Success!
Hey, B, what happened?
Everybody was asking where you went.
I mean, it's fine. I
made up an excuse, but
Wow!
How good of you, Lance.
Well, I guess you're great,
and I'm just a fat piece of crap.
- Whoa, whoa, what the hell?
- You know, just FYI,
you're not that great.
I bet all your friends at work
wouldn't be so quick to, like,
dab with you if they knew that you
never clean the sink!
Like this fork
that's been sitting in
here since God knows when!
We're living in filth, Lance,
'cause of you!
- [FORK CRASHES]
- Okay, I feel like
whatever's going on is
not actually about me.
[LAUGHING] And don't even
get me started on the sex!
Always like, "Did you come?"
And "I just wanna make sure you came."
Like, mind your own business, dude!
And there are so many
other examples too!
I just you know, I don't
wanna share them right now,
because I have to
I have to go to the bathroom!
And I hope to God
that your piss isn't
all over the seat again!
B, I really don't mean to fight,
but that is 100% your piss.
[SCREAMS]
There is no way that every
person I know is now doing good.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS] Uh
[PHONE LINE TRILLING]
Brooke Dubek?
Long time, no talk!
Hey, just thought I'd call
and see how you were doing
after all these years,
make sure you're still in
real estate like you should be.
Oh, no. I actually left real estate.
You did?
Yeah, I just felt like we only sold
to the super rich, and that wasn't
sitting right with me anymore.
- Uh-huh.
- It's like, why should
they get the nice apartments
when they're the ones covering up
those pedophile rings?
What's that, now?
She's showing up drunk every night.
She's a fucking liability.
Everyone knows it.
I know it, you know it,
and every patient here
who's not sedated
So good
- [WHISPERING] Yes!
- Ooh, yeah
Give me more, Nurse.
Oh, my God, he is really
loving "Night Nurse."
Fuck, yeah.
Fuck that little fucking twink nurse.
Wait, what?
[MOANING]
- [NORMAL VOICE] Hey!
- Hey!
What the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
You're supposed to be
watching "Night Nurse,"
not porn. Also, I've seen this porn,
and it's not even
good. The one guy's dick
is limp the entire time,
and then all of a sudden,
he's coming? Please!
Okay? There was no care
put into this, but
there was so much care
put into "Night Nurse."
It took three years to come out.
Our entire art department died
the short one, the mean one, the man
and just no part of making
it was how I thought it'd be,
but I figured, at
least, when it came out,
I would get to watch people watch it
and then hear them
tell me how good it was
and how proud of me they were,
and I don't know, maybe
they'd even stand up
and all chant my name in unison.
That's a very specific want.
- It's just
- Oh, yeah
It's my first ever real thing
and also the only thing I've done
in the last three years
except this dumb fantasy show
I shot in Croatia for eight
months called "WindWeaver"
that no one will ever see
or, at least, I hope they won't see,
because I play a literal
elf with no lines
Oof.
Do you have, like, elf ears?
You know, I do, dude.
So could we please, I beg you,
just watch "Night Nurse"?
Okay.
Sure.
- Wait, really?
- Yes.
- Oh, thank you.
- If we can watch my movie too.
It just came out on Apple.
[SIGHS]
Wait, so you just didn't watch it?
No, I didn't have two movies in me.
- [LAUGHS] That makes sense.
- That's fair.
But thank you all for
now giving up a third day
of your lives to try
and watch it with me.
We're happy to.
Oh, and I also invited my friend Jo.
I just haven't seen her in a few years,
and I thought it might be
fun to see what she's up to
in front of everyone.
Well, I hope Mom has
all of her remotes figured out.
Although, I don't have high hopes,
because I couldn't even figure
out how to play it on my TV.
Wait, have you not been
to Mom's new house yet?
No, she moved when I
was in stupid Croatia,
but are we almost there?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, almost.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
Is this a helicopter?
Yes!
Aw, my kids are here!
Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
- Hi?
How was the helicopter?
Isn't the pilot nice?
So much better than the last one.
Sorry, this is your new house?
I know, right?
I'm worth almost a
billion dollars now, Cary.
- You are?
- Yeah, isn't that insane?
I felt plenty rich when
I had my own talk show,
but apparently, the real money
is in having your own network.
- Who knew?
- Okay, well, I don't mean
to be forward, but
may I have $1 million?
[LAUGHS] Curtis, you're so funny.
- Holy shit.
- [DOOR CLICKS]
And don't worry, Car, I
did figure out my remotes
or my projectionist did.
So I figured we'd head up
to the theater around 7:00,
that is if I can finally find it.
I know it's on one of these floors.
You have a full home theater?
Oh, and are you guys gonna
want snacks for the premiere?
- What do you kids like?
- You know I need
Ree-sees Pee-cees.
Ooh, yes! Okay.
"When it comes to snacks,
there's nothing my family and I love
more than @reesespieces."
In five,
- four
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- [SQUEALS]
- What is happening?
Hi, Pat, just dropping off some RP swag
since we heard you're a fan.
Thanks so much.
Isn't this fun?
Last week, I tweeted the
upstairs toilet won't flush
Why would you tweet that?
Well, that one was supposed
to be a text to Streeter,
but now I have a lifetime
supply of Liquid-Plumr.
It really is so
convenient to be powerful.
Hmm.
Oh, and also, I hope
you don't mind, Cary,
but I invited a few
extra people tonight.
- You did?
- Yes,
I just thought it'd
be more fun that way.
There's my security detail
they legally have to be here
- plus Shuli and Chasey.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Chase.
- Hi, Chase.
And then my sweet neighbor, Tony.
Wait, Tony? That is the
full head of Sony Pictures.
I don't even think he
was there on Friday.
Well then, I guess this really is
gonna be better than the premiere.
It actually literally is.
But I don't know who that woman is.
She just showed up and has been saying
some really intense
things about the vaccines.
Oh, no.
I guess the last few years have
really changed her for the worse.
Let's go see what else
might come out of her mouth.
- Jo!
- Hi.
- Nice digs, Mama D.
- Thank you.
Ooh, welp,
I finally got the Barbacados to sleep.
They needed four stories.
Wait, sorry.
Streeter, your new clients live here?
Yup. There hasn't been much demand
for a dancing family of five
as I thought there might be.
So until that changes,
they're shacking up here at Casa Dubek,
- them and the bees.
- The bees?
- Yeah.
- And it's, like, not
"everyone" at the
insurrection was "racist."
I mean, I should know. I was there.
- Oh
- Oh, my God
Uh, but keep saying more. [CHUCKLES]
The media just wants
to paint this picture
of all of us, and it is not true!
I mean, I wouldn't
have believed it myself
three years ago, but if you
look at Fauci's emails
Sorry, we're on Fauci now?
Yeah, we seem to be on Fauci.
It is all connected.
I actually have some printouts.
I can go grab them if you want.
- No, that's fine.
- No, no, that is
I think I speak for all of us
when I say please get those printouts.
- [LAUGHS]
- Great, there are lots.
Man, she is bad, huh?
Pretty much the worst
one here by a mile.
[CHUCKLES] I'd say, compared to her,
we're all
A-okay.
Excuse me,
- Mr. Streeter?
- Ah
My mommy wants to ask if
she can have a glass of wine.
[SIGHS] She doesn't
want a glass of wine.
She just wants me to come
back up there. [CHUCKLES]
That's the Barbacados for you!
Oh, my God, enough with the
fucking Barbacado family!
Honey, I completely agree,
but why are you so upset?
It's always Barbacado family this,
Barbacado family that.
Like, I know my last album was a flop,
but do you not want
me as a client anymore?
What?
No, Chasey, I don't give a
flying fuck about the Barbacados.
No offense, Charlotte.
I only signed those losers
because I thought you were
gonna drop me as a manager.
You're almost 18, and that's
[TAKES A DEEP BREATH]
When they leave, you know?
That's when
they always leave me.
- Really?
- Yes!
My God, who cares if
your album was a flop?
No one here cares about
your singing at all.
Uh, yes, we do!
Yes, we care about it, we love it,
- and we support it.
- No, of course, of course.
But you can also do so much more.
You are so, so fiscally
valuable to me, Chasey
especially now that you're 18!
My God [CHUCKLES]
I could cover your body in
tattoos and then have them
removed six months later
so your body is always
just a little bit blue forever.
I could put you in a Selena Gomez video
where you kiss her bare stomach.
I can "accidentally"
film you smoking weed
so you can then sell weed!
I mean, the possibilities are endless!
[HISSES]
Hey.
I effing love you, ChaseDreams Dubek,
and I will never ever
drop you as a client.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Wait, you're still 17, right?
- For five more hours.
- Okay.
[SMOOCHES]
Okay why don't we all
head up to the theater
and watch Cary's movie?
- Oh.
- I mean, sure, but I honestly
don't know if it will be
as moving or full of pathos
as what that just was.
Okay, guys. Let's put your stuff down
and follow me. Let's go upstairs.
[CHUCKLES] All right, let's do this.
Hey, have you seen Jo?
I just wanna make sure
she sits right in front,
because I think she will have
some interesting things to
say about the nurses. [LAUGHS]
Come with me for a sec, okay?
Okay
[CHUCKLES] Where are we
- Hi.
- What's up, man?
[CHUCKLES] What?
Okay, so I sent Jo home.
What? Why would you do that?
Because you clearly invited her here
just to make fun of her for
some reason, and that is unkind.
So I thought it would
be best if she left.
[CHUCKLES]
- Fuck you.
- What?
No, don't do this, baby.
No, fuck you. That was my guest.
Go fucking fuck yourself, Lance.
- No, fuck this.
- Please just stay here.
- Just talk to me.
- No, I don't wanna talk to you. I just
I want you to fucking leave.
You want me to leave?
- Yes.
- Like, right now?
Just leave this house?
No, I'm not gonna do that.
No yes, I want you to
leave this house right now.
I just
[WHISPERS] This is insane, B.
Okay, well then, I
guess I'm fucking insane.
[SCOFFS]
So then I'll just see you at home?
I don't know. It's far, so I might
I might just stay here tonight.
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[DOOR SLAMS]
'Sup bitches! We're
here on the red carpet
with "Night Nurse" star Cary Dubek.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Cary, how old are you?
- Um, I'm 33.
- And what is your net worth?
[CHUCKLES] Um, 150,000.
- Whoa
- Aw
Right, yes, because that is low,
and finally, can we get a
peek at those little piggies?
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Oh whoa!
- ALL: Oh!
- [WHISTLES FLIRTATIOUSLY]
- Okay, well,
that's all for me. I'm Curtis Paltrow.
Back to you, Yazleen!
- [LAUGHS]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you, friend. You are sweet.
Well, you gotta do
"Age, Net Worth, Feet."
Oh, I was so mad, the
press lady at the premiere
told me not to. [CHUCKLES]
And now, at long fucking last,
let's watch "Night Nurse,"
or, um,
you guys will watch it,
and I will watch you watch it.
- Enjoy!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[MEDICAL DEVICE BEEPING]
Code blue, we have a code blue.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪
[BEE BUZZING]
♪
♪
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- It was so good!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- It was so good.
Cary!
♪
Cary! Cary!
[ALL CHANT "CARY"]
♪
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[DOOR CLICKS CLOSED]
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
♪
You're watching "The Gay Minute"
on HuffPo Live, now
with an all-gay crew.
- [LIGHT CRASHES]
- Concern.
This week in gay news,
the indie drama "Night Nurse,"
now starring Edie Falco,
Beanie Feldstein, and Cary Dubek,
is finally set to
premiere three years later
after the most COVID
delays of any movie.
- Also in gay news, Laura Dern
- [PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, sorry, one sec.
- Hey!
- Hey, uh, can I borrow
a shirt for the premiere tonight?
All my clothes are still wrinkled,
and this guy just used
the one I had out to, uh
- clean up.
- What's on it, C, P, or B?
I think C and, um, P.
Oh, fun,
but no, sorry,
I'm coming straight from work.
Oh, right.
- How's it been going?
- Great.
We just hit a thousand eps.
- [LIGHT CRASHES]
- Ah!
I'm so happy for you.
You're really killing it.
Aw, thanks, pal.
Oh, and you should just wear your suit
with no shirt tonight.
You're an actor in the movie.
- You gotta bring it.
- Ah, maybe.
I'm already doing little chain and
- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Oh, hey, I gotta go.
- Okay.
- Bye.
Hey, would you be mad if
I went somewhere anti-gay
for my honeymoon?
Uh, hello, sweet sister.
All of the good places are anti-gay.
Well, what does your fiancé think?
No, Car, I would never do that to you.
Lance, I honestly do not care.
My dream in life is to be able to
afford a trip somewhere anti-gay.
Wait, hold on. What
are you wearing tonight?
I don't know, maybe something crazy.
You should, absolutely, and
then I'll go more subdued,
'cause I don't wanna draw
any attention from you.
This is your night!
[PHONE CLICKS AND BEEPS]
Okay, this is insane.
Yeah, this is nice and subtle.
I-I-I'm a winner ♪
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- [CAMERAS CLICKING]
Excuse me, excuse me. I'm with Sony.
Excuse me, Sony coming through.
Thank you. So how are we feeling?
Good. Nervous, you know?
I just really want tonight to go well.
- It's been so long.
- It'll be perfect.
Just make sure to say how
fun the movie was to shoot,
and if anyone asks,
the entire art department
all died of cancer.
- Right, of course, yeah.
- Chase, hey!
You've been killing it
these last couple years.
- Thanks.
- You and your nail polish,
your cell phone company,
your natural gas pipeline
And most importantly, I
released my sophomore album.
Wait, you did?
Yeah, he's a singer. He wanted to sing,
we heard him, and we let him.
Oh, when did it come out?
Uh, January 6, 2021.
Yeah, it went live on Spotify right
as the Capitol was being breached.
Tough break. Now, I gotta ask
the question on everyone's mind:
how old are you these days?
I'm 18.
[DEEP VOICE] Oh, my God, fuck me.
No! Almost 18. It's in a few days.
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh. Well,
good to see you, cutie.
- Thanks.
- And now, I have
one of the real stars
of the night, Cary Dubek.
Thanks, yeah, I had so much fun
shooting this movie, and you know,
it was my first-ever acting role.
And was it exactly everything
you thought it would be?
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
Okay, cameras rolling.
Whenever you're ready, Cary.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Cut! Everyone, outside, now!
There has been a positive! Out!
Yeah, yeah, it was, uh,
very fun and, uh, chill.
- [LAUGHTER]
- And it's just so nice
that this movie celebrates
the real heroes: nurses.
Yeah, but haven't they
also been celebrated enough?
I mean, we banged pots
for, like, two weeks.
- [CHUCKLES]
- We did that for a year
I just think they get it, you know?
Like, it's 2023. Enough with the nurses.
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
So, uh, what does your fiancé do?
Oh, he's a fashion designer, right?
No, uh, he was,
but he left the industry
during the whole pandemic,
- so
- And what does he do now?
Hey! This is so legit.
- [GASPS]
- Oh, my God.
Sorry, again, I didn't wear a tux, babe.
You know I gotta go
straight to my shift.
- Oh, no, of course.
- [LAUGHS] It's fine.
I just wanna say thank you so much
for your service. You
were on the front lines,
keeping this country
running, risking your life?
And I think one of
the most fun parts was
just hanging out with the cast
you know, Edie Falco and Beanie
We live for Beans.
I bet y'all were always
yucking it up at lunch.
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
Hey, Beanie,
- mind if I sit with
- [BANGING ON PLASTIC]
Too close! Back away!
- It is not safe!
- Okay.
The air is not safe!
Yeah, that is what happened, yeah.
Well, color me jeal, and thanks so much
- for your time tonight.
- Thanks, okay.
Hold on. Uh, keep the cameras rolling.
Streeter Peters, DreamTeam Management.
As you know, I represent
ChaseDreams, Pat Dubek.
But now I also represent
some new and, some might say, better
[CHUCKLES] Talent.
That's right. I made a few
"impulse purchases" on TikTok
during the pandemmy,
and now I represent
some really fun people
that I'm so passionate about,
like the Barbacado family!
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
And what do they do?
[LAUGH SOFTENS] What do they ?
What do they do?
Well, they are a family.
Yeah, and the four in the
back, they dance together,
and the little one, she just
tumbles in front of 'em. Yeah.
Okay, that's great, thank you.
So where do you think they would go,
you know, in culture?
Oh, wait, hold on.
I also have a TikTok beekeeper lady.
[WHISTLES] Hey!
Yeah, is she something?
I just think the last three years,
a lot of people felt compelled
to make a change, you know?
And with nursing, I thought I
could really make a difference.
I guess I just found a new calling.
ALL: Aw
But nursing school's hard, yo.
Like, seriously, how
long did it take, B?
I feel like when I started,
you were on season two
of "Survivor," and by
the time I was done,
you watched all 40 seasons
and "Grey's Anatomy"
plus all of "The Circle."
Oh, God, I watched so much pandemic TV,
but I couldn't do "The Circle."
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yeah, no,
I didn't watch "The Circle." [CHUCKLES]
Yes, you did, babe.
Remember I was studying
for the TEAS exam,
and you couldn't get Netflix to load?
And you would just, like,
scream, and you'd cry.
You're like [FAKE-CRYING] "I
just wanna watch 'The Circle.'"
[LAUGHTER] Remember?
Yeah, well, fuck me straight to hell.
I guess I did watch "The Circle."
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
But I don't only watch TV,
- for the record.
- Yeah, no, that's
that's not what I meant at all.
Brooke's still killing it as a manager.
Her partner's here, actually.
He's right there.
No, I did not bring 2,000
bees to this premiere.
I brought 2,000 clients
to this premiere.
- [BEE BUZZES]
- Ah!
[MUTTERS] Oh, my God.
I'm gonna go to the restroom.
So in conclusion, acting is,
so far, everything I thought it'd be.
And you're done. That's everybody.
You can go get a drink if you want.
Oh, I actually wanna go
do "Age, Net Worth, Feet,"
- real quick.
- And let's see those little piggies.
Oh, no, you don't have to do that one.
It's okay. He's my friend.
Cary? Cary!
- Hi, honey.
- Mom?
Where are you?
In here, inside my new security detail!
You look so handsome!
- [MIRROR WHIRS]
- Oh, wait.
Aw, you do look handsome!
Thanks, and your eye looks lovely.
Where's Brookie?
Um
[WATER SLOWLY LEAKING]
Ugh, great,
you're a nurse too?
No, I'm a waiter.
They just made us dress like this,
'cause "Night Nurse."
So you look like a nurse,
but you're just a waiter. Perfect.
Everyone, please take your seats.
- Here we are.
- The screening is about to begin.
Oh, my God, ChaseDreams, hi.
- Hi.
- Such a fan.
- Thanks.
- And how old are you now?
- 18.
- [HISSES]
On Monday, bitch.
Oh.
Well, enjoy the movie, cutie.
This fucking industry
Sorry. Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
Hi, everyone,
my fiancé is about to sit down,
and he is dressed like a nurse,
but he's just one of the waiters.
Yeah, he is merely in
the service industry.
- So
- Hi, babe.
Hi, your wife just told us what you do.
Thank you for your service.
You were on the front lines,
keeping this country running,
- risking your life
- Oh, my fucking God.
Whoo! Hello, and good evening!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you all for coming to the premiere
of "Night Nurse," which
comes out on VOD tomorrow
after a very, very long road. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Oh. [CHUCKLES] Oh.
- [MIC FEEDBACK]
- Oh, please, it is us
who should be thanking you,
and as a token of my gratitude,
I would now like to give to you
the Barbacado family! [LAUGHS]
[POP MUSIC PLAYS]
- Oh, let's go, Barbacados!
- No.
♪
Sorry, no. Um, I think we've all waited
long enough for the movie.
- [CLAPPING]
- Whoo-hoo!
So what do you say? Let's get to it!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Aw, Car, it's happening.
It took 33 years, but tonight,
you get to watch people
watch a movie you're in.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
This movie has been
a real labor of love,
and I'm so grateful to
finally share it with you all,
and in a big, beautiful movie theater!
Remember those? [LAUGHTER]
'Cause let's be honest:
movie theaters have taken quite
a beating these past few years,
and it's just so special oh, what?
Okay, I'm hearing this
movie theater has been sold.
Everyone needs to leave.
This is now a Starbucks.
- [LIGHTS BOOM ON]
- Let's go!
You're trespassing! Get out!
Wait, what the fuck? Is this real?
What?
Oh, my God, this is so insane.
But it would be nice to
have a Starbucks here.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Coming, coming, coming, coming!
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Happy Your-Movie's-on-VOD Day!
[ALL CHEER]
I brought my friends.
So we have a full house.
Oh, thank you for coming.
I know it's dumb,
but I just still wanted to try
to make this into something.
Of course. It is something.
Yeah, and honestly, it's
better watching movies on TV.
I mean, like, is it just me,
- or do movie theaters suck?
- They
Totally. People kicking your seat.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but
$8 for a tub of popcorn?
It's like I gotta put
a down payment down
- just to get a soda.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, well, look, you're
all full of shit, but sure.
Um, no, for real, TV's great.
I mean, "Friends" was on TV,
and now, 20 years later,
your movie can be the new "Friends."
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
Yo, what's the runtime
on this bad boy, Car?
- 89 minutes.
- Mm, perfect!
Lance and I just have to leave
for a party at his hospital in 90,
so this is gonna time out great.
All right, everybody ready?
Let's get this viewing party started!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- All right.
- Okay, what is my password?
I think it's, uh
[SHARP DRAMATIC TONE]
I feel bad we had to leave before
Cary even figured out his password.
I know, me too.
But this party's very important to me.
No, yeah, of course.
I wouldn't miss this.
But also, what is this?
It is a going-away party for one
of our sign language interpreters.
She's moving to Bolivia to
start a school for the deaf.
Pretty cool, right?
Yup, yes. How good of her.
Yeah. Yo, what's up, everybody?
- [ALL CHEER]
- Lance!
- Ah!
- Hey!
Let's go get it!
[BOTH SPEAKING SPANISH]
Yes, I, too, am this beloved at work.
Oh, did you see?
They got the new mattress
in the break room!
Oh, hell yeah. The
old one was killing me.
I know. So bad, right?
- It was the worst, right?
- The worst.
- The springs were
- What?
That thing was crazy.
Hey, Damien Davis,
the basketball player?
Um, not sure if you remember me,
but we fucked in early 2020,
and you sued me to death.
Oh, right. How are you?
Yeah, good.
Good, and I see that you're
also dating a nurse now too?
[CHUCKLES] Real talk
doesn't being around them make you wanna
kind of blow your brains out?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, no.
I'm actually a nurse now, myself.
- What's that?
- Well, I'm in nursing school.
I got a long road ahead,
but I don't know, the last few years
just sort of shifted my priorities.
I'm sorry.
Did every person in the industry
just, like, change careers
and start "doing good?"
- Shh, she's coming.
- [WHISPERING] Quiet, quiet.
[WHISPERING] She's coming.
ALL: Surprise!
Oh! Oh, what?
Aw, this is too much.
Wait, Pitzi Pyle?
Yes!
- [SNORTS]
- I did it!
I'm in Hulu!
You are? Yay!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
It's weirdly the first password I tried,
but with an exclamation point.
Okay. Now I just need to find
"Night Nurse," and we can watch it.
Is "Night Nurse" not on Hulu?
Okay, baby boy.
We have, unfortunately,
reached the end of this road for me.
No, I wanna watch it with other people
so I can watch them watch.
I love you deeply. I really do,
but I have go host "BagelBites TV."
So maybe tomorrow? Okay.
[SIGHS]
Mom! Hey, uh,
I was just wondering if
I could, maybe, come over
and watch "Night Nurse" with you?
Sure, honey.
We can have a little
movie premiere of our own.
It'll be even better
than the one yesterday.
I just need to figure
out which remote does what
and, also, how to turn
on my screen, and
Oh, my God, never mind, Mom, bye.
[SIGHS]
Oh, my God.
Yes
Sorry, thank you for talking.
I just I'm confused.
You're a sign language interpreter now?
You were one of the worst
people in the entire industry.
You once called my brother the
F word twice in one meeting.
Whoa, that does sound like me
the old me. And I was wretched, sick.
I was deformed, deformed.
Every morning, from the industry,
I would wake up like this.
Why? What did it give me?
It only took it only took
it only takes.
[CHUCKLES] I mean,
- the industry's not that bad.
- Oh, it is.
Brooke, it makes you ill,
physically, mentally, spiritually.
I was becoming a bad person.
I sued my nephew.
After the last two years,
I realized I have to do
something meaningful with my life,
and now, I wake up in the
morning, and guess what.
- What?
- I start bawling
out of joy.
Right when you wake up?
Immediately, yeah.
Eyes open, tears fall, it's wild.
Life is wild.
It's a gift, and it's never
too late to heal, Brooke.
I'm healing. I'm healing!
- [LAUGHS]
- [FAKE LAUGHS]
That's great. I'm really,
- really happy for you.
- Ugh, thank you.
I just I think I need to be alone,
go for a walk.
Oh, if you need to
take a walk to be happy,
then take that walk.
- Kay.
- Be well!
Oh, sorry, this is
"goodbye" in sign language.
[SIGHS] Oh, God
- Move, move, move!
- Oh, Jesus.
She's a fucking liability,
and everyone knows that.
I know it, you know it,
and every patient here
- Okay, here you go.
- Mm, thank you.
- What are we watching?
- This movie, "Night Nurse."
- It just came out tonight.
- Oh, I don't know if I have
a whole movie in me tonight.
Maybe we can just watch
30 episodes of "Friends."
Yeah! That's better.
Okay, she clocks in for work
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
Crap. Fucking "Friends."
A'ight, let me see.
What am I in the mood for?
Oh, I have been wanting to watch the one
- with all the nurses.
- [WHISPERING] Yes!
Now, this guy has taste.
Okay, here we go, season
four, episode seven:
"The One with All the Nurses."
Damn it.
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
What?
[POP INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
[GROANS] God, this app is so glitchy.
[GROANS]
Fine, I'll just watch this.
Success!
Hey, B, what happened?
Everybody was asking where you went.
I mean, it's fine. I
made up an excuse, but
Wow!
How good of you, Lance.
Well, I guess you're great,
and I'm just a fat piece of crap.
- Whoa, whoa, what the hell?
- You know, just FYI,
you're not that great.
I bet all your friends at work
wouldn't be so quick to, like,
dab with you if they knew that you
never clean the sink!
Like this fork
that's been sitting in
here since God knows when!
We're living in filth, Lance,
'cause of you!
- [FORK CRASHES]
- Okay, I feel like
whatever's going on is
not actually about me.
[LAUGHING] And don't even
get me started on the sex!
Always like, "Did you come?"
And "I just wanna make sure you came."
Like, mind your own business, dude!
And there are so many
other examples too!
I just you know, I don't
wanna share them right now,
because I have to
I have to go to the bathroom!
And I hope to God
that your piss isn't
all over the seat again!
B, I really don't mean to fight,
but that is 100% your piss.
[SCREAMS]
There is no way that every
person I know is now doing good.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS] Uh
[PHONE LINE TRILLING]
Brooke Dubek?
Long time, no talk!
Hey, just thought I'd call
and see how you were doing
after all these years,
make sure you're still in
real estate like you should be.
Oh, no. I actually left real estate.
You did?
Yeah, I just felt like we only sold
to the super rich, and that wasn't
sitting right with me anymore.
- Uh-huh.
- It's like, why should
they get the nice apartments
when they're the ones covering up
those pedophile rings?
What's that, now?
She's showing up drunk every night.
She's a fucking liability.
Everyone knows it.
I know it, you know it,
and every patient here
who's not sedated
So good
- [WHISPERING] Yes!
- Ooh, yeah
Give me more, Nurse.
Oh, my God, he is really
loving "Night Nurse."
Fuck, yeah.
Fuck that little fucking twink nurse.
Wait, what?
[MOANING]
- [NORMAL VOICE] Hey!
- Hey!
What the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
You're supposed to be
watching "Night Nurse,"
not porn. Also, I've seen this porn,
and it's not even
good. The one guy's dick
is limp the entire time,
and then all of a sudden,
he's coming? Please!
Okay? There was no care
put into this, but
there was so much care
put into "Night Nurse."
It took three years to come out.
Our entire art department died
the short one, the mean one, the man
and just no part of making
it was how I thought it'd be,
but I figured, at
least, when it came out,
I would get to watch people watch it
and then hear them
tell me how good it was
and how proud of me they were,
and I don't know, maybe
they'd even stand up
and all chant my name in unison.
That's a very specific want.
- It's just
- Oh, yeah
It's my first ever real thing
and also the only thing I've done
in the last three years
except this dumb fantasy show
I shot in Croatia for eight
months called "WindWeaver"
that no one will ever see
or, at least, I hope they won't see,
because I play a literal
elf with no lines
Oof.
Do you have, like, elf ears?
You know, I do, dude.
So could we please, I beg you,
just watch "Night Nurse"?
Okay.
Sure.
- Wait, really?
- Yes.
- Oh, thank you.
- If we can watch my movie too.
It just came out on Apple.
[SIGHS]
Wait, so you just didn't watch it?
No, I didn't have two movies in me.
- [LAUGHS] That makes sense.
- That's fair.
But thank you all for
now giving up a third day
of your lives to try
and watch it with me.
We're happy to.
Oh, and I also invited my friend Jo.
I just haven't seen her in a few years,
and I thought it might be
fun to see what she's up to
in front of everyone.
Well, I hope Mom has
all of her remotes figured out.
Although, I don't have high hopes,
because I couldn't even figure
out how to play it on my TV.
Wait, have you not been
to Mom's new house yet?
No, she moved when I
was in stupid Croatia,
but are we almost there?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, almost.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
Is this a helicopter?
Yes!
Aw, my kids are here!
Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
- Hi?
How was the helicopter?
Isn't the pilot nice?
So much better than the last one.
Sorry, this is your new house?
I know, right?
I'm worth almost a
billion dollars now, Cary.
- You are?
- Yeah, isn't that insane?
I felt plenty rich when
I had my own talk show,
but apparently, the real money
is in having your own network.
- Who knew?
- Okay, well, I don't mean
to be forward, but
may I have $1 million?
[LAUGHS] Curtis, you're so funny.
- Holy shit.
- [DOOR CLICKS]
And don't worry, Car, I
did figure out my remotes
or my projectionist did.
So I figured we'd head up
to the theater around 7:00,
that is if I can finally find it.
I know it's on one of these floors.
You have a full home theater?
Oh, and are you guys gonna
want snacks for the premiere?
- What do you kids like?
- You know I need
Ree-sees Pee-cees.
Ooh, yes! Okay.
"When it comes to snacks,
there's nothing my family and I love
more than @reesespieces."
In five,
- four
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- [SQUEALS]
- What is happening?
Hi, Pat, just dropping off some RP swag
since we heard you're a fan.
Thanks so much.
Isn't this fun?
Last week, I tweeted the
upstairs toilet won't flush
Why would you tweet that?
Well, that one was supposed
to be a text to Streeter,
but now I have a lifetime
supply of Liquid-Plumr.
It really is so
convenient to be powerful.
Hmm.
Oh, and also, I hope
you don't mind, Cary,
but I invited a few
extra people tonight.
- You did?
- Yes,
I just thought it'd
be more fun that way.
There's my security detail
they legally have to be here
- plus Shuli and Chasey.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Chase.
- Hi, Chase.
And then my sweet neighbor, Tony.
Wait, Tony? That is the
full head of Sony Pictures.
I don't even think he
was there on Friday.
Well then, I guess this really is
gonna be better than the premiere.
It actually literally is.
But I don't know who that woman is.
She just showed up and has been saying
some really intense
things about the vaccines.
Oh, no.
I guess the last few years have
really changed her for the worse.
Let's go see what else
might come out of her mouth.
- Jo!
- Hi.
- Nice digs, Mama D.
- Thank you.
Ooh, welp,
I finally got the Barbacados to sleep.
They needed four stories.
Wait, sorry.
Streeter, your new clients live here?
Yup. There hasn't been much demand
for a dancing family of five
as I thought there might be.
So until that changes,
they're shacking up here at Casa Dubek,
- them and the bees.
- The bees?
- Yeah.
- And it's, like, not
"everyone" at the
insurrection was "racist."
I mean, I should know. I was there.
- Oh
- Oh, my God
Uh, but keep saying more. [CHUCKLES]
The media just wants
to paint this picture
of all of us, and it is not true!
I mean, I wouldn't
have believed it myself
three years ago, but if you
look at Fauci's emails
Sorry, we're on Fauci now?
Yeah, we seem to be on Fauci.
It is all connected.
I actually have some printouts.
I can go grab them if you want.
- No, that's fine.
- No, no, that is
I think I speak for all of us
when I say please get those printouts.
- [LAUGHS]
- Great, there are lots.
Man, she is bad, huh?
Pretty much the worst
one here by a mile.
[CHUCKLES] I'd say, compared to her,
we're all
A-okay.
Excuse me,
- Mr. Streeter?
- Ah
My mommy wants to ask if
she can have a glass of wine.
[SIGHS] She doesn't
want a glass of wine.
She just wants me to come
back up there. [CHUCKLES]
That's the Barbacados for you!
Oh, my God, enough with the
fucking Barbacado family!
Honey, I completely agree,
but why are you so upset?
It's always Barbacado family this,
Barbacado family that.
Like, I know my last album was a flop,
but do you not want
me as a client anymore?
What?
No, Chasey, I don't give a
flying fuck about the Barbacados.
No offense, Charlotte.
I only signed those losers
because I thought you were
gonna drop me as a manager.
You're almost 18, and that's
[TAKES A DEEP BREATH]
When they leave, you know?
That's when
they always leave me.
- Really?
- Yes!
My God, who cares if
your album was a flop?
No one here cares about
your singing at all.
Uh, yes, we do!
Yes, we care about it, we love it,
- and we support it.
- No, of course, of course.
But you can also do so much more.
You are so, so fiscally
valuable to me, Chasey
especially now that you're 18!
My God [CHUCKLES]
I could cover your body in
tattoos and then have them
removed six months later
so your body is always
just a little bit blue forever.
I could put you in a Selena Gomez video
where you kiss her bare stomach.
I can "accidentally"
film you smoking weed
so you can then sell weed!
I mean, the possibilities are endless!
[HISSES]
Hey.
I effing love you, ChaseDreams Dubek,
and I will never ever
drop you as a client.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Wait, you're still 17, right?
- For five more hours.
- Okay.
[SMOOCHES]
Okay why don't we all
head up to the theater
and watch Cary's movie?
- Oh.
- I mean, sure, but I honestly
don't know if it will be
as moving or full of pathos
as what that just was.
Okay, guys. Let's put your stuff down
and follow me. Let's go upstairs.
[CHUCKLES] All right, let's do this.
Hey, have you seen Jo?
I just wanna make sure
she sits right in front,
because I think she will have
some interesting things to
say about the nurses. [LAUGHS]
Come with me for a sec, okay?
Okay
[CHUCKLES] Where are we
- Hi.
- What's up, man?
[CHUCKLES] What?
Okay, so I sent Jo home.
What? Why would you do that?
Because you clearly invited her here
just to make fun of her for
some reason, and that is unkind.
So I thought it would
be best if she left.
[CHUCKLES]
- Fuck you.
- What?
No, don't do this, baby.
No, fuck you. That was my guest.
Go fucking fuck yourself, Lance.
- No, fuck this.
- Please just stay here.
- Just talk to me.
- No, I don't wanna talk to you. I just
I want you to fucking leave.
You want me to leave?
- Yes.
- Like, right now?
Just leave this house?
No, I'm not gonna do that.
No yes, I want you to
leave this house right now.
I just
[WHISPERS] This is insane, B.
Okay, well then, I
guess I'm fucking insane.
[SCOFFS]
So then I'll just see you at home?
I don't know. It's far, so I might
I might just stay here tonight.
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[DOOR SLAMS]
'Sup bitches! We're
here on the red carpet
with "Night Nurse" star Cary Dubek.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Cary, how old are you?
- Um, I'm 33.
- And what is your net worth?
[CHUCKLES] Um, 150,000.
- Whoa
- Aw
Right, yes, because that is low,
and finally, can we get a
peek at those little piggies?
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
- Oh whoa!
- ALL: Oh!
- [WHISTLES FLIRTATIOUSLY]
- Okay, well,
that's all for me. I'm Curtis Paltrow.
Back to you, Yazleen!
- [LAUGHS]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you, friend. You are sweet.
Well, you gotta do
"Age, Net Worth, Feet."
Oh, I was so mad, the
press lady at the premiere
told me not to. [CHUCKLES]
And now, at long fucking last,
let's watch "Night Nurse,"
or, um,
you guys will watch it,
and I will watch you watch it.
- Enjoy!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[MEDICAL DEVICE BEEPING]
Code blue, we have a code blue.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[CLEARS THROAT]
♪
[BEE BUZZING]
♪
♪
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- It was so good!
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- It was so good.
Cary!
♪
Cary! Cary!
[ALL CHANT "CARY"]
♪
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
[DOOR CLICKS CLOSED]
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
♪