The Upshaws (2021) s03e01 Episode Script

1
[funky instrumental music playing]
Hey, I demand my damn rights.
Or at least a little time in the yard,
like the one in front of my house.
Quit crying like a prison bitch.
It's only been an hour.
It's your stupid fault we're in here.
All I did was buy some cheap parts.
How was I supposed to know they was hot?
By thinking, dummy.
Good Lord. Luanne, is that you?
I know. I'm sorry.
Damn, what you in here for,
gassin' people?
No, ma'am. I'm in here for unpaid fines.
I asked for the bathroom a while ago.
Don't know how much longer I can hold it.
It's like a pot of cabbage
ate a pot of chitlins,
and then took a flight to France
and ate a block of cheese.
Guard! Guard!
Uh-huh, Lucretia,
they finally breakin' you.
She asked for the bathroom a while ago.
You need to take her now.
I can't keep holding my breath.
Thank you, Miss Lucretia.
Hey, guard, I gotta go too.
But the only one I can use is at my house.
Hey, y'all got some air freshener?
Y'all got a Glade PlugIn?
Or a Jamaican we can just spin around?
They smell delicious.
Lucretia Turner.
Congratulations, you made bail.
About damn time.
Aw, shit. We outta here.
Later, fellas, all right?
I'mma be thinking
about each and every one of you.
Stay strong. They can lock your body up,
but they can't trap your mind. I'm out.
[door closes]
Hey!
Excuse me.
Hello, can I get some help?
[scoffs] Am I invisible?
I need to report a kidnapped white woman.
No, no, she good. They found her.
But while you see me,
can I please get some information on
Bernard Upshaw, Sr. and Lucretia Turner?
Please, Officer, sir?
Let's see.
Receiving and selling stolen goods
is a Class 4 felony.
Bail's set at $10,000 each, ma'am.
Ten thousand [sighs]
Can I get 'em on layaway?
Is there a Groupon?
That's a new one.
There's nothing I can do for you
until you're ready to make bail.
Unless you got smokes.
Why? Do they need
to trade 'em for protection?
No, I'm just on my break.
Whoever invented the patch
is the real criminal.
[Regina sighs]
Hey! Oh, thank God you're out.
Are you okay?
Wait a minute, where's Bennie?
In the Bahamas.
Where the hell do you think he is?
Locked up with his dumb ass.
How'd you get out?
On my own recognizance.
What about Bennie?
Bennie ain't got no damn recognizance.
So you just bailin' yourself out?
No, Regina, I wouldn't do that.
Miss Lucretia, God bless you!
I can't thank you enough
for getting me out.
I'll never keep
a library book that long again. [chuckles]
Oh, I get it.
So, just 'cause you mad at me,
you're gonna leave my husband in jail?
Yeah, we got some shit.
But I'm leavin' him in there
because it's his fault. But don't worry.
Your man's real chipper.
I'mma die in this bitch!
Stay strong.
They can lock your body,
but they can't trap your mind.
Where'd you hear that dumb shit from?
[vocalizing]
Solid as a rock ♪
[vocalizing]
Solid ♪
[funky instrumental music playing]
Look, you just need
to come up with 10% bail.
That's still $1,000.
Wow. Most people who come in here
can't do math in their heads.
Even if I could do math with my feet,
that's still a lot of money.
I need to save that shit for emergencies.
Like gettin' your husband out of jail?
[scoffs]
Can I at least split it, huh?
Over four credit cards?
Well, wait, five.
I still need a little left on my Visa.
For my baby's insulin shots.
Unless you wanna watch her lose a foot.
Ma'am, you can have
the foot or your husband.
You can't have both.
I do everything by the book.
Damn! You are
the most scrupulous man I ever met.
With a gray tooth.
Indiana law requires
I verify your employment.
You can't cosign bail without it, so
Oh, I'm employed.
I work at Mercy General.
I've been there for 20 years.
I wouldn't just up
and quit something like that.
Well, I just need
whatever number to call and verify that.
Oh, shit, I can verify
that shit right now.
[chuckling] What?
I got my name badge. Hey!
Uh Hospital, uh, memo pad.
And, like, eight different pens.
I know they don't say "hospital" on them.
But that's where they came from. Trust!
So, the number?
[sighs] How I'mma have all this shit
if I ain't work there? Come on, baby.
I know it's frustrating.
But if you want your husband out,
I have to do everything by the book.
Oh, hell no. Is that that deadbeat Jimmy?
He's just gonna jump bail
and then come push his little taco cart
right in front of me? Uh-uh.
I thought you did everything by the book.
This is the book.
Bring you back a taco.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Get your big Teddy-Pendergrass-lookin' ass
up off of me, man.
[sighs]
Dear God, why do you keep
lettin' me do this shit to myself?
[door opens]
Can you just get me out of here?
- Hey, Bennie.
- What's up, Monique?
Bennie? Oh, damn.
How's my grandbaby?
Maybe I should get that paternity test.
What are you doing in here?
Uh, they got me on some dumb shit.
Said I was sellin' some stolen car parts.
- Were you?
- A little bit.
You do know how crime works, right?
I thought the parts was legit.
Well, if what you're saying is true,
I'm sure it'll get cleared up.
I'm a Black man in a Indiana jail.
You right. I didn't believe
that shit when I said it.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Five, six, seven.
Aw, man!
[chuckles] Your little doggie
going directly to jail.
Runs in the family.
Wait, what?
I was just clearing my throat.
[clears throat]
With a whole sentence?
Hey, hey, I'm home
[scoffs] What are you two still doin' up?
Get to bed, both of you.
But I'm still in jail.
Jail? Who said what about jail?
My doggie went to jail.
Oh. [chuckles] Okay, well, lights out!
And hopefully we can bail him out
in the morning. Come on, scoot.
[Regina sighs]
Thank you for watching your sisters
while your dad and I were at dinner.
Oh, no problem. [chuckles]
I hear the jail cafeteria
has a great peach cobbler.
Who told you?
- Monique's a cop.
- [softly] Damn it.
She already thinks we're crazy.
Now she thinks we're a crime family too.
[in normal voice] This whole thing
is a big mix-up, all right?
Your dad is innocent.
Cretia too.
Although screw her
for not bailin' him out.
Why didn't you bail him out?
Uh
I I tried, but I couldn't.
You gotta show proof of employment.
Uh, you work.
[sighs]
I quit my job today.
Wait, what?
Long story.
Hold up, so you're unemployed,
Bennie's locked up
and Aunt Lucretia's out on bail?
Now, a few days ago, you were
dancin' around, flushed with cash.
Now, we hood rats.
Shit happens.
[sighs] First thing in the morning,
come with me to the bail bondsman.
I got the money. I just need you
to show proof of employment.
I can't.
Oh, hell, you quit your job too?
No.
Bernard, your father is in jail.
I'm surprised it's taken this long.
Scuse you?
Come on, Ma.
We both know the kind of man he is.
I'm stayin' out of Bennie's mess.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Good morning!
Didn't she quit?
Everyone, I got somethin' for you.
- We've done drills for this, people!
- What?
[scoffs] I ain't crazy! Come on, now.
It's just some donuts.
Enjoy.
[chuckles]
- So, hey there, not-so-busy bee.
- [Regina chuckles]
Well, not yet, but I'm gonna be 'cause
I got a shitload of work to catch up on.
So, let's chat at lunch.
Uh-huh.
You do know you quit, right?
[chuckles]
Okay, I can see the disconnect, right?
I can understand how
it may have sounded that way.
You said, and I quote,
"Eff this place, I'm out."
I was on a cleanse.
That was hangry me talking, okay?
[chuckles nervously]
Now, scoot-scoot,
let this busy bee get to buzzin'.
[clicks tongue] Oh, that's how it is, huh?
Twenty years I bust my ass for this place,
and I can't have one bad day?
- [scoffs]
- [phone rings]
Billing.
Yes.
No.
I'm sorry,
Regina Upshaw no longer works here.
Uh-huh.
This some bullshit.
Zo, I sang at your wedding, man.
Go on, get to steppin'! Get to steppin'!
[funky instrumental music playing]
[doorbell rings]
[sighs]
Tenants' rent. Give it.
[sighs] Ol' Miss Delk
in 2C is being cagey.
She signed her checks "Rosa Parks,"
and every time I knock,
she yells, "I'm dead!"
Look, I'm out on bail.
You gotta handle it.
Hey, are you okay?
I mean, should we talk about Bennie?
What's there to talk about?
I'm free, and he deserves
everything he's getting.
Thank you. That's why I didn't
bail him out when Mom asked me to.
Boy, I raised you better than that.
He's your family.
You left him in there.
He got me arrested.
My family's Regina and you kids.
Bennie ain't blood. Thank God.
Every time I think we turn a corner,
he comes right back around
with the same bullshit.
Got me feeling like a kid again.
[Bernard sighs]
I know, but, look,
he's been doing his pitiful best
to build a relationship with you.
That's gotta mean somethin'.
Yeah, I mean,
he has been really sweet to Sydney.
And he was pretty cool
with my comin' out to him.
And you got to punch him in the face.
- [chuckles]
- [scoffs] I'd pay top dollar for that.
Man, I don't know what to do.
Do you think Bennie's guilty?
It doesn't matter what I think. But yes.
Amazing grace ♪
Amazing grace ♪
Amazing grace ♪
Bruh. Bruh!
[singing trails off]
"How sweet the sound."
Oh, yeah?
[chuckles]
Yeah, I'm just tryin' to keep us up.
So, what they think you did?
Oh, they think I drowned a guy.
In a mall fountain. [chuckles]
Hey.
Is my shirt still wet in the back?
Amazing grace ♪
Amazing ♪
Bennie.
Oh, man. You bring me a honey bun?
I knew you was good people.
I got you something better.
Two honey buns?
No, dude. Your wife.
Now, keep it down,
you're not supposed to have visitors.
You only got a few seconds now.
- Baby.
- [sighs]
- You okay? Listen.
- Yeah.
I I ran into a big old snag
with this whole bail business,
but I promise, I'm workin' on it.
- I promise you, I ain't do nothin'.
- I know that.
You do? For real?
Lucretia ain't get to you yet?
Baby, I know who you are.
And I know who you tryin' to be.
[smacks lips] I tell you,
baby, I don't deserve you.
That may be true.
But you got me, and I got you.
And one way or another,
I'm gettin' you outta here today.
Do the girls know?
No.
Good. I don't want 'em
to think I'm a bad person.
- Hey
- [scoffs]
Damn, if Tasha find out,
I'll never get Kelvin. This shit is crazy.
Okay, listen, all right?
The girls, they gonna be fine, all right?
And we'll just We'll worry
about that Kelvin stuff later.
[sighs] Come here, okay? I love you.
- Ow!
- No touchin' the prisoner!
Sorry.
Reflex.
This why y'all don't
invite me over much, huh?
[funky instrumental music playing]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I like your
- Thank you.
Shirt.
[Kelvin exhales]
So, uh, about what happened.
Uh, yeah. The kiss?
Yeah. So, it was
Not that big of a deal. Right?
Right. No biggie.
Yeah. You know, I was upset. [laughs]
I would've kissed anyone.
[scoffs] Me me too!
- I get that.
- Mm-hmm.
So, we're good?
All good. It was nothin'.
Not a thing. [chuckles]
Unless you wanna do it again to be sure?
Kidding. [laughs] Unless you do.
I just be playin'.
Hey, Savannah.
So, I know yesterday was crazy, but I
wanted to give you your birthday present.
I even put a bow on it,
so you know I'm sorry-sorry.
I already got one of those.
But you didn't even open
Oh
I get it. Yep, I deserve that.
Come on, girl. I got you
a whole mess of your favorite bath bombs.
So, we good?
- You need to fix things with her.
- I bought her a present and she dunked it.
You dissed her on her birthday.
I'm surprised she didn't dunk you in.
How you gonna throw away a real friend
for somebody who doesn't care about you?
Uh, hold up. Steph cares.
She just walked by you
and didn't say anything.
She did?
Look, you lucky to have
someone like Savannah in your life.
I wish I had someone like that.
I mean, like a good friend.
So, what's up with Pop?
I sent him two memes
and he ain't hit me back.
Not even with his go-to dude with the cup.
He said he wanted to talk
to me about somethin'.
I'm not in charge of him.
Right. Forgot you're
all about yourself these days.
Uh, that's gonna fizz for a minute.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Man, this shit ain't right.
I can't see.
Shut up!
Now, somebody in this room knows
where Bennie got those stolen parts from.
You two know-nothings know somethin',
and I'm just a woman
in a room full of tools,
and I got all night to play.
Now, go on and tell it.
Bennie got the part
from someone Davis knew. That's all I got.
Drink up. Probably thirsty
after all that fessin' up.
What's his name, convict?
Fred.
No. Floyd.
I know it started with a F.
Or was it a T?
I remember.
Doug.
You two are takin' me to whatever
shady warehouse you made the pickup at,
and we gonna have
a talk-talk with this Doug guy.
Ain't nobody made a pickup.
Yeah, Doug pulled the van
right into this bay.
He was actually quite pleasant.
He complimented
my Calvin Klein Obsession cologne.
He also gave me a key chain.
You got a free key chain?
I wish I would have met him.
Why didn't y'all say this before?
'Cause you scary.
If he was here, that means
the security camera saw everything.
Oh, damn.
I ain't playin', Tony. Spill it.
I [grunts]
Okay. If you're gonna look
at the garage footage,
you should know
I only roller dance at night for exercise.
[funky instrumental music playing]
- Mom? You got a sec?
- [groans]
Whatever you can't find,
make do without. I'm off the clock.
Here.
Money? Oh, hell, what'd you break?
It's to help get Dad out of jail.
But good to know where your brain goes.
Your father is not in jail.
He's at a model train convention.
Your father's always loved a big caboose.
Mom.
I heard you
and Bernard talking last night.
[sighs] Baby,
it's all a misunderstanding, okay?
Your dad didn't do anything.
I need you to know that.
I don't care. I just wanna help.
Thank you.
But keep your money. We're okay.
You're squeezing too tight.
My bad. [chuckles]
Baby, I'm out!
Oh, no. You escaped?
I can't be on the news in my pajamas.
Bennie, I told you
I was gonna think of somethin'.
Chill. My boy came through for me.
Are you really gonna run outta the car
and spill fries all over my clean mats?
- [Bernard chuckles]
- You got him out?
[sighs] Look,
we don't need to talk about it.
Sorry I didn't do it from the jump.
My couch. I missed you the most, baby.
We would've been home sooner,
but he insisted on standing
in the parking lot, doin' Shawshank.
[grunts]
[imitating Morgan Freeman] "Bennie Upshaw
crawled through the river of shit,
and came out clean on the other side."
You gonna milk this forever, huh?
[normal voice] "You only do
two days in jail."
"The day you go in,
and the day you get out."
You didn't even do a day.
Three hots and a cot
- Changes a man's life.
- [Bernard scoffs]
I hope so.
Let me get them fries check, homie.
You know what I mean? Thug life!
- [phone chimes]
- [Bernard scoffs]
Is she serious?
[funky instrumental music playing]
So, we driveway talkin' now?
I wasn't sure
what the temperature was in there.
Cold as a jail cell.
Okay. Noted.
But I have some news
that might warm it up.
Oh, Bennie's home.
[Regina] Mm-hmm.
Bernard bailed him out.
We raised him right.
Yeah, we did.
So, what's the news?
Oh, um
The camera footage from the garage
shows that the guy who reported
the parts stolen sold them to Bennie.
Bennie's innocent.
Well, of this, at least.
I knew he didn't do it.
Yeah, well,
I wanted to tell you in person.
I'm on my way to the police to give them
the footage so this can all be done.
Well, thank God.
Lucretia [inhales]
Thank you.
[funky instrumental music playing]
It come down to this, son.
It's just another case
of an innocent Black man in jail.
I figured.
You're shady, but you're not prison shady.
[chuckles] Thanks, son.
Hey, man, you want a sip?
For real?
Yeah. Don't tell your mama.
Look at this Hallmark moment.
[laughing]
We white as hell right now.
[sighs] I hope we can
still do stuff like this when I move.
Yeah, me too.
And about that
Look, boy, I wanted to ask you
My new room is so big.
And get this, no bars on the window.
Watch yourself.
Don't be climbin' outta the window,
goin' back down in the hood.
[scoffs] You trippin'.
Look, I got my own bathroom.
And I ain't gotta wake up
smellin' like shea butter and relaxer.
It's fire.
Sounds nice, son.
I met the coach at my new school. He said
he might be startin' me at varsity.
- What?
- Yeah!
- Oh, boom!
- Boom!
[both chuckle]
So what'd you have to ask me, Pop?
Oh, yeah, uh, does your new spot
have a good cell service?
I don't want our calls to be droppin'.
[funky instrumental music playing]
Hey, uh
Look, I just wanted to say
that, uh I'm sorry about the parts.
You know, I
I didn't do my due diligence.
That's on me.
Hmm.
"Due diligence."
Somebody did their reading inside.
Yep, lockup changes a man.
Yeah.
We good?
We good.
- [Bernard] That's what I'm sayin'.
- You're fired.
[theme music playing]