All Hail King Julien (2014) s03e02 Episode Script

1 Party - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # - # Who's the king? # - # King Julien! # Get down for the get down - # Everybody party with King who? # - # King Julien! # - # King who? # - # King Julien! # Tonight will be forever Let's do King Julien style Woof! Whoa, oh, whoa, oh Y'all tell me who's the king Whoa, oh, whoa, oh All hail King Julien! The harvest.
It's It's gone unblessed by the royals! No! We're all gonna starve! I'm eating dirt here! I'm eating dirt! Please, Your Majesties, do something.
Anything! Sigh.
Huh? Okay, okay, everybody.
Princess Julienne wants to say something.
All you little people, pay attention.
It is true that we could not bless the mangoes Because the mangoes were disgusting and made our tongues feel like cheap tourists buying stale chewing gum from street urchins.
- Well said, dear.
- Thank you.
Know this.
There are other and better ways to appease Gladys, the goddess of fruits and grains.
- There are? - Of course there are.
Gladys will always accept a lemur sacrifice.
A lemur what Sacrifice a what? Lemur sacrifice? Nah, let's not be too hasty.
Everyone knows that blood always works with the gods.
Gods and royals both, of course.
But then, we are the nearest things to gods, aren't we, dear? Barty, you naughty rapscallion.
Stop that! Well, they are royals.
I mean, we are legally required to sacrifice somebody, right? Well, it sounds reasonable to me.
Ted.
Oh, scrumplekins! Why me? Because Mort's not here.
And, you're number two on the official sacrifice list.
Oh, Ted.
Always dreaming of being Mr.
Big.
Putting yourself on the sacrifice list.
I Uh Undesirables, capture the excitable lemur and Gladys, the goddess of fruits and grains, will be very happy! Finally, a chance to use these bolos! Whoo! Sounds kinda drastic, Your M Carry this, Mark.
There's a good manservant.
Uh Huh? I hope you don't mind, but it's time to walk the plank to a watery grave.
Good luck there, young sir.
I Uh Sage! Help! That sound Help! Like the vocalization of a cat giving birth to the placenta of endless possibilities.
Sage! That's our super secret distress signal thing we do.
Help! Remember? Memory is but an echo of the wind weeping for its lost spoon.
Yes, I know.
But call your giant bird thingy! What giant bird thingy? - The one that feeds you bird vomit? - Oh, right.
Oh, snap! We are so outta here.
Outie-five-thousand! Hey, pirates! See ya! Hey! Uh That could have gone better.
But, it was fun.
Am I right? Yeah, of course I'm All right, buddy, over the side.
Mort, we're sinking fast.
If we go down, we'll never find King Julien.
- No! We must not fail him.
- Here, take these bloomers.
Clover, I'm flattered, but I don't think this is the time.
Ugh! No, the sail! Hm? You're the only one that can fit.
Get down there and plug that leak.
I shall stuff that hole for King Julien! I cannot believe I am going to orphan my kingdom.
They'll be so sad.
They'll be all, like, "Where is that beautiful booty? It's gone.
It was eaten by the sharks.
" No! It is not going down like that.
Hey, I don't want to tell you pirates your job, but, uh you are about to chum the waters with some prime pirate recruit booty here.
Check it.
I've shaken more booty, stirred more booty, dropped more booty to the floor than anybody.
I mean, I put the "oo" in booty up in here.
- Can I get a "what-what"? - What-what! Lil Arms Magee knows what I'm talking about.
That Mr.
Julien has perfect arms.
So well-proportioned to the rest of him.
You know what else there, Cap'n? If you make me a pirate, I won't need no stinkin' trophies neither.
I'll do all my sweet, piratey action trophy-free.
So, what do you say? Eh? Eh! Fine.
You're a pirate.
Trial period only.
You talk big booty, let's see you make it happen.
You will not be disappointed, Cap'n.
We are gonna be so stuffed with booty.
I mean stuffed! With booty! Let the raiding and pillaging begin! Arrr! Come on, Mort.
Come on.
Whee! Toilet water! Hmm? It worked! Ha! The little fella plugged the leak! Let's bring you home, soldier.
Look what I found.
Urinal cake! - Mm.
Delicious! - Start paddling, Mort.
Those bloomers aren't gonna hold for long.
Everybody, follow my lead! - Pirates! - Pirates! Arrgh! - Scurvy! - Scallywags! Looting! Raiding! Pillaging! Scallywags! Peg-leg! Eyepatch! Up high! All right, well, that raiding and pillaging was, um unique.
Ho-ho! I just loved it, Mr.
Julien! Thank you, thank you.
Let's see what booty you've got.
Uh Hmm Nothing? No plunder? Not one piece of booty.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
We got plenty of booty right here.
Wha Check it! You can't spend that! That's not what I've heard.
Can I get an "Ay-yo!"? Ay-yo! People, look at me.
We did not get any loot.
Do we still get a trophy for looting? You can't get a trophy for looting, if you didn't loot anything! You could give a trophy for "Most Improved Looting.
" I mean, if somebody never looted before.
Like, for example, me.
So Yeah, yeah.
That's a great trophy.
No! You don't need a trophy for everything you do.
"Oh, my feelings are hurt if I don't get a trophy.
" That's tough! Do you know how many people I had to pillage and raid and kill to get to be captain? Do you? Sure, it was my dad's boat and he sort of gave me an internship, but in no way does that affect me pulling myself up by my bootstraps! Somebody got up on the wrong side of the poop-deck this morning.
"Poop-deck.
" He said poop-deck.
Something you want to say in the back there? Uh, well, I was just telling Little Arms and One-Eye here that it can't be that hard to be captain.
Oh, really.
Well, why don't you try it then, huh? I dare you! Well played, King Julien.
Oh, thank you very much, King Julien.
Oh, not at all.
I do need to get home, but maybe a little pirate captaining can't hurt.
Right, my kidneys? Oh! Huntsman's horn, how did I get myself into this? I think he went this way.
Come on.
He can't hide forever.
Psst! Huh? Hiya, hon.
Made you some sandwiches before you get sacrificed and all.
I told you not to put yourself on that silly list.
What a minute, who's that Dorothy is talking to? Oh, I just saw Ted.
- He went off that way, don't you know? - Come on, let's net him! But, I want to use my bolos.
I think we can do both, right? I love you! This is just like the time we hunted my brother down.
We ran him off that cliff.
- Oh, the look on his face.
- Priceless.
You two are talking about murder.
- Oh, for heaven's sakes.
- What do you think, Barty? - Spear or crossbow? - Oh, spear, I think.
More sporting.
No, uh-uh.
You are not getting this spear if I have any say in it.
I can't imagine why you would have a say in it.
Well tally-ho! Loud noises! Very loud noises! Oh, my tenders! Sorry, Princess.
Had something in my throat.
Loud noises.
It It went away.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dear.
He's a slippery one.
Plus, Mark here is clearly very needy.
My name is not Mark and I'm not that needy.
All done, Mort.
She's seaworthy.
- Hello, hello.
What's all this then? - Ooh.
These footprints look familiar.
- King Julien was here! - What? Where? I taste him.
My King Julien was here! Oh! Oh! Ooh There's something else here It was pirates.
Pirates! Oh, I know where the pirates live.
Maybe my King Julien is there.
So, Captain Julien, what's the plan? Yeah, about that, I've been meaning to ask you guys something.
Gather round me hearties I've questions to propose On just exactly what it's like To be captain of you bros I've heard so many stories Most crazy and spectacular And of course, I'm familiar With your colorful vernacular But how do I decipher The stories from the true? Or to put it more simply What exactly do pirates do? What do we do? What do we do? Oh, so many answers Boys give 'em a few About what we do Well, we spit in public Act like dopes And only stop to watch our soaps We're into terror and velvet pants And if you see us comin' You'll pee in your Ew.
Is that what pirates do? Of all the things we know, we know And every question true This is what a pirate Would do, do, do - # This is what a pirate would do # - Hmm What if you saw a tiny kitten up in a tree? We'd cut the tree down And throw it in a stew Slurp up his giblets And chew, chew, chew Right.
What about a regal lady? Too bony for you to eat? We'd cut off her hair And use it for bait Throw her in a brig With the other dead weight What about bathing? That is for babies What if you're dirty? Better for scabies Guys, ew! Is that really what pirates do? Of all the things we know, we know And every question true This is what a pirate Would do, do, do This is what a pirate would do I'm a pirate! P-I-R-A-T-E And I'm stinky! S-T-I-N-K-Y Got lots of stress! S-T-R-E-S-S 'Cause I'm body conscious! C-O-N-S-C I don't know how to spell the rest Well, of all the things I now know And every question true If this is what pirates Would do, do, do This is what Pirates would do Then I guess the answer To your question is When do I make my debut? Whoo-hoo! Of all the things we know, we know And every question true This is what a pirate would do, do, do This is what a pirate would do What? Too long? Oh, King Julien! We have to save him.
When dealing with pirates, I suggest a full frontal attack.
Hit 'em hard and fast and be extra ruthless.
They won't see it coming.
Mort, the sea air really agrees with you.
I know.
I like to put it in my stomach.
Huh! A sail! A sail! Ooh! Coming in fast, Captain Julien.
I think they mean to attack.
What do we do? Ooh, uh Give me that! Let's wipe 'em out, boys! Well, I guess Ted got away.
Too bad.
No sacrifice today.
Oh, well.
Back to the Baobab Tree for some lychee cocktails.
Maybe? A little somethin', something-something There's the little birdy up there.
I love your pet names for the filthy commoners.
No! No! No! Don't! Huh? Hm Uh, I think with the yardage and the barometric pressure and the grass clippings I You should use the slingshot.
Oh, thank Frank.
I made it! Hm? Ow! That's a bolo, Ted.
Your sacrifice is gonna save the kingdom.
Well, I've always wanted to be remembered.
Oh, golly, let's go for it.
Take me away.
Oh, and sorry about the fear tinkle, guys.
Oh, Ted.
What? I'm saved! Arr! Hit 'em head on! Ramming speed! Grr! Attack! Okay! Here we go, guys! Let's go! Don't do that! Ow! - What? - Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Prepare to die, pirate scum.
Clover! Mort! Am I glad to see you.
Now let's get out of here.
Really? I mean, well.
You know, we did come all this way to rescue you.
- Be kind of a shame not to have a fight.
- Yeah! Let's get 'em! It's Dread Pirate Mort! Dread Pirate Mort! No, no! No prisoners! Attack! Hello? I'm the king here.
Me! My crazy is supposed to be the only crazy we honor.
Remember? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
King? Well, looks like we have a royal in our midst.
What? Yeah, we could get a pretty penny for you.
Yeah, but he's my pretty penny.
So back off.
Dread Pirate Mort.
Wow.
It's been too long, my old enemy.
Far too long.
When we last met, we fought for the love of Empress Galeria off the jagged coast of Fush.
I remember it well.
Mostly 'cause I have a painting of it on my wall.
For Galeria! I'm helping, Clover.
Ha! I gotta tell ya.
It's refreshing to fight a real pirate.
You know, pirates these days are always wanting a trophy or a pat on the back.
Nice.
In our day, we had to rack-up five or six kills - before we even got out of bed.
- Kids.
What are you gonna do? I'll save you, Clover! Oof! - Ha-hah! - Ahh! - Hmm.
- You're welcome, Clover.
Uh What kind of a pirate has stumps for arms? That is just mean.
- Huh.
Fitting it should end this way.
- Dread Pirate Mort, it was an honor.
Raiding! Pillaging! Get away from Mort.
He may be a super annoying toady, but he's my super annoying toady.
Who's got the booty now, huh? Oh, King Julien.
Oh, you saved me.
Mort, stop slobbering on me.
Okay, you went all all over their faces.
Now can we go home? Your Majesties, can't we just bless the mangoes and not sacrifice Ted? Please? I mean, they're right here.
Don't be such a bunion, Mark.
- You're spoiling my fun.
- Whoa! Whoa! I was afraid of that.
We made the captain mad.
Attack! We need more hot air.
Come on, Mort! Too late.
They're gaining on us.
Gotta try something else.
Feet! Get the feet, Mort.
Get them.
- Come on, boy! Come on! Get the feet.
- So close.
We're almost there.
I can see the beach.
And everybody's on it.
Wowza.
That fire is hot.
Oh, Ted, really, that's too much drama, even for you.
It isn't even lit.
No, look! They're not stopping.
Run, everybody! Run, Your Majesties! Run! You're alive! Yes! I knew you'd make it back.
Oh, King Julien! Dial back the lemur-on-lemur love, Mo-Mo.
We got a real problem.
Where is everybody? We need the whole kingdom.
- They all left - Oh, niblets! Another ship! Ow! And now, we finish this.
A king's ransom, if you please.
Help! Ow! Sage, buddy! You heard our super secret distress signal.
Ha! And you saved me! Oh.
Actually, I was just having an argument with and she dropped me here in her anger.
Love is a ticking bomb that reminds us of the impermanence of rainbows.
Here you go! Thanks, Dread Pirate Mort.
He spoke to me, you know.
Hey, you guys still want your king's ransom? Because I am the king.
You guys like mangoes? We got so many.
- All right! - Yeah, we love mangoes.
Your Majesty, we don't have any mangoes unless you bless them first.
Easy-peasy, Mo-Mo.
Oh, baby, did daddy miss you.
My heady bits was all like, "Where's my sweet crownage?" Ah.
Okay.
I bless these mangoes and the mango harvest.
Boom! Thanks, Gladys, for all your Gladysness.
You rock, lady! Here you go.
Nice plundering with ya.
See ya around.
You're the best, King Julien.
Thank you for all the mangoes.
No problem, Lil Arms! I think he's waving but I can't tell.
The mangoes have been blessed? We're all gonna live! King Julien, there's something you gotta know.
Something you gotta prepare for.
Mom? Daddy? Is it really you? Ha-ha! You heard I went missing, and then you came back.
I knew you still loved me.
I always knew it.
Nobody could ever shake that from me.
Oh! We're gonna be a family again.
Family! Oh! F-A-M-I-L-Y! - Family! - Um Bring it in closer.
Give me the real thing.
Nobody can ever shake that from me.
Ew.
Gross.
Of all the things we know, we know And every question true This is what a pirate would do, do, do This is what a pirate would do Hmm.
What if you saw a tiny kitten up in a tree? We'd cut the tree down And throw it in a stew Slurp up his giblets And chew, chew, chew Right.
What about a regal lady? Too bony for you to eat? We'd cut off her hair And use it for bait Throw her in a brig With the other dead weight What about bathing? That is for babies What if you're dirty? Better for scabies Guys Ew!