Bewitched (1964) s03e02 Episode Script

Hey.
Pay attention.
Here, you want a little bite? Want some? Well, let me stir it for you.
Wait a minute.
Come on.
Here, you want some cereal? It's good.
- You want a taste? - Taste.
Okay.
There you go.
No.
No, sweetheart.
Mommy doesn't want you to do that, remember? - Mustn't twitch.
- Hi.
At least not until I've had a chance to tell Daddy that you're a Well, I mean, that you have the power to That you can do witchcraft.
Hi.
And I'm going to tell him tonight, while we're celebrating our anniversary and he's in a good mood, at the right time, when the lights are low and we're in a restaurant where he can't scream and there's a nearby exit.
Oh, no.
Oh, Tabatha, please.
Sweetheart, baby, angel? Listen, Tab, stop fooling around.
What was she doing? Honey, you're not trying to get her to use a fork, are you? I know she's smart, but don't you think you're pushing her too fast? Well, no, darling.
As a matter of fact, I'm trying to slow her down.
Well, I know she's as smart and as pretty and as devastating as her mother.
- Happy anniversary.
- Happy anniversary.
Oh, darling.
Now, Darrin, I love you.
I love you very, very much.
And nothing, absolutely nothing, can change my love.
Well, swell, honey, but what brought that on? Well, it's just that I think things like that ought to be said every so often.
Like now, and later on tonight.
Okay.
- Samantha.
- Coming, Aunt Clara.
- Hello.
- Aunt Cl? Aunt Clara? Aunt Clara.
By parachute? Yes, I thought this time I'd drop in quietly.
Well, let's go up to the guest room.
Oh, I'm so pleased to sit with Tabatha while you and Darrin are celebrating.
We're pleased to have you.
I've gotta dash out do some shopping and meet Darrin, but I'll be back before she wakes up.
And if she does wake up, I'll tell her you were here.
Here we are, here we are.
Now, isn't that nice? Nice crackers.
Eat your cracker, dear.
Eat Oh, no more play.
Well, now the crackers.
Now, eat, eat, eat.
What a sweetie.
Oh, Clara, you're not what you used to be.
Oh, Aunt Clara.
Not only have you lost your old pizzazz but you've thrown everything out of gear.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
Aunt Clara? Aunt Clara, what's the matter? Oh, everything.
My magic.
Whenever I wave at a chair all the pots and pans, they start flying all over the place.
Oh, you poor dear.
Aunt Clara? Has Tabatha been giving you any trouble? Tabatha? Oh, no.
You sure about that? No, I'm positive.
No, it's me.
Perhaps you haven't noticed but lately, I've made a lot of mistakes.
- You have? - Yes, I have.
Now, don't tell Darrin.
Oh, no, I wouldn't think of it.
Because when you can't seem to zero in on anything and your coordination is just about shot well, you might as well face it.
Face what? Face having a checkup.
I'm sure that's all you need.
You're just overtired, that's all.
A little rest and you'll be as good as new.
Yes, but you've been counting on me for your anniversary, and Oh, no.
No, no, Aunt Clara.
You're my favourite aunt and your health means more to me than anything.
So come on, get up.
Up, up.
Come on, come on.
Now, you just go home and take good care of yourself.
- Well, I will.
- Oh, good.
Now, just assist me on the takeoff, will you? Oh, yes, of course.
Go on, go on.
Oh, dear.
Go on, bag.
Go on, brolly.
Back to Aunt Clara.
Good.
Is everything all right? Well, Aunt Clara wasn't feeling too well, so I sent her home.
- I hope it's nothing serious.
- I don't think so, but just to be safe.
Well, so much for our anniversary celebration.
I guess it is a little late to get a sitter.
- I could call Mother, she'd love to.
- Never mind.
- Why don't we have the Tates over? - Good idea.
Larry loves to celebrate things.
Yeah, he celebrates any day of the week with a Y in it.
And a little bubbly for Louise.
Here we go.
Here's to the Stephens.
- I'll buy that.
- Hold it.
The happiest couple on the face of the good old earth.
Larry, what about us? The happiest couple on the face of the good old earth.
A bright guy, a lovely wife, a beautiful baby and a kind and understanding boss.
Why shouldn't they be happy? Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
- Nice champagne, huh? - Marvellous.
Wonderful, Larry.
Great.
Larry, what are you doing? Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Sam.
I thought there was an ashtray there.
Oh, well, that's all right, Larry.
We were gonna throw that table out anyhow.
- That's nice.
- I'll give you another - I don't know what happened.
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
It could happen to anybody.
- Don't worry about it, Larry.
- I'm really terribly sorry, Sam.
- Care for some more, Sam? - Oh, thank you, Larry.
- This is marvellous caviar, Samantha.
- Louise, here we go.
Darrin, pass me your glass.
Squeeze it, Larry.
Squeeze it.
Well, one down, two to go.
Time to bring up the reserves.
- I'll get another bottle.
- I brought it and I'll get it.
Larry, what happened? Well, the cork blew out and knocked the pot off and the pot knocked the empty bottle over, and - Well, it could happen to anyone.
- Sure, that makes a lot of sense.
Okay, you want another explanation? I'm clumsy.
- Sold.
- Don't worry.
Nothing was broken.
You take the champagne into the living room.
- I'll drive.
- Officer, I only had a couple of beers.
Larry's in a great mood tonight.
Sam? - How did that happen? - Well Could somebody be trying to spoil our anniversary, like your mother? Oh, no.
Oh, no, darling.
I don't think so.
If Mother wanted to spoil the party, it would be raining in the living room.
Then what else could it be? Well, Aunt Clara's spells haven't been working too well lately.
She's rather worried about them.
You mean, some of them might have a delayed reaction, like a time bomb? Could be.
Great.
I hope nothing happens in front of the Tates.
- Me too.
- Come on, kiddies.
Get it while it's bubbly.
Come on.
Everything will be all right.
- Come on.
- All right.
So on that tough 15th hole I chipped right onto the green and into the cup, and you know what I said? - Yes.
You said - Please, Louise.
I said, " It's a birdie, it's plain, I'm Superman.
" Maybe you don't get it.
You see, it's funny because I said Oh, we got it, Larry.
It just isn't worth repeating.
- Excuse me.
- Darrin.
Well, I'm glad we didn't go out this evening and I hereby invite both of you over to our 50th anniversary.
Thanks, Darrin.
That's very nice, but you'll have to clear it with Louise.
I have a feeling that we have something else on that night.
But let's drink to it anyway.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
What's the matter with them? Now, Tabatha, you simply have to learn to control yourself.
You see, sweetheart, your daddy would Not Endora.
Not Aunt Clara? - Hi.
- Who else then? It's not? Not? What's her name? She's just a baby.
It's not possible.
Darrin, you always knew it was possible.
Oh, yeah, I've always known it was possible I just didn't think it was possible.
I mean, a whole year and not a sign.
After a year you get a feeling of a false sense of security, I mean, you feel that you're home free.
- Daddy.
- You think it's awful.
No, I don't think it's awful.
It's not awful.
It's just sort of Well, it's surprising, astounding.
Shocking, is what it is.
That's what it is.
It's shocking.
- And you think it's awful.
- Quit saying that.
Well, Darrin, I don't blame you.
I knew you'd feel this way.
I told myself.
I was prepared.
- Oh, honey, wait a minute.
- Oh, Darrin, I'm sorry.
I mean, I know how you feel about witchcraft and, well, I was just waiting for the right time to tell you about Tabatha but I guess she decided to tell you for herself.
My daughter's a witch.
Sam, I've got to know.
How much of a witch is she? - Well - Hi.
She doesn't really know what she's doing.
It's all sort of involuntary.
She wants something, and she gets it.
She doesn't realize it's a special power.
What are we gonna do? Well, we'll just do what any parents of a child with a special ability or a talent would do.
We'll just teach her how to use that talent wisely.
- How do we do that? - Oh, well, Darrin, don't worry.
Any baby that can be potty-trained can be witchcraft-trained.
Funny Daddy.
Hey, up there.
Remember us? - Tate's the name.
- We'll be right down.
Sam, we gotta get them out of here before Before they see something and start asking questions.
We sure do.
Now, Tabatha, you lie down and go to sleep.
And be good.
Otherwise, we may be in for some difficult moments, huh? Problems? Oh, no, nothing unusual for a baby of her age.
Anything I can do to help? No, Louise.
She just doesn't want to sleep.
Oh, let me try.
I have my own way.
I'll sing to her.
- Oh, no, no! - Why not? It works like a charm.
With her voice, the kids fall asleep in self-defence.
It might stimulate her too much and she'd be up all night.
Right.
So let's all sit down, relax, and make an evening of it.
Not for me, Larry.
But it's your anniversary, boy.
I know, but we have that conference tomorrow.
Hey, the conference.
That's right.
We gotta get up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
The day after tomorrow, because that's when the conference is.
I thought it was tomorrow.
That's what I like about this boy, he's eager.
Now, drink up.
That's an order.
Finish your drink, Larry.
I think we better be going.
- Must you? - Well, if you really have to No, we don't have to and we're not going to, so sit down, everybody.
That Tabatha's developed into quite a musician, hasn't she? Our Jonathan went through that phase.
Don't you remember? - Can't you do something? - Yes, but it will have to be - At this stage of the game, anything.
- First, Tabatha.
- Hey, she stopped.
- So she did.
Well, now that she's through making noise, why don't we make some? Happy Thursday! Don't say it, Louise.
Don't say it.
I will too.
You're acting like a child, you've had enough champagne.
I am not acting like a child.
- I'll get a towel.
- I will too.
No, now, Larry, you just sit right back.
Don't worry.
Everything's going to be fine.
I assure you I am in full possession of all my faculties.
What are you going to do? With a little help from me and Louise Larry's gonna be convinced he's had enough and it's time for beddy-bye.
Lovely.
Please, Larry, take it easy.
Louise, my love, you can't possibly think I've had too much champagne.
Samantha, Louise thinks I'm getting splashed.
Do you think I am? Well You're kidding.
On four glasses of this stuff? - You've had six, but who's counting? - I have? Well, even six glasses, big deal.
Oh, well, don't worry, Larry.
We love to see you enjoying yourself.
You really think I'm getting smashed.
Darrin, back me up.
Larry, it's okay.
Like Samantha says, we like to see you enjoying yourself.
Okay.
I demand a sobriety test.
Larry, that won't be necessary.
Just try saying "chrysanthemum.
" That's easy.
Chrystanthenum.
Chryscrustenum.
Chrysmanth Oh, daffodil.
I can't even say it when I'm sober.
Doesn't prove a thing.
- Now, give me something else.
- Well, if you insist.
How about the equilibrium test? You close your eyes and try to touch your nose with your fingers, like this: All right.
Watch me.
Taxi! Now, wait a minute.
That's just a family weakness.
Yes, I know, dear.
If I buy you a blanket, will you promise not to suck your thumb? Oh, now, Louise, don't worry.
We love Larry.
We don't mind.
I demand another test.
All right, Larry.
What would you like to do for us? Pick a straight line, anywhere, and I'll walk it for you.
Walk from the champagne you spilled to where you burned the table.
Thank you, Darrin.
You're a wonderful host.
All right, I'll pick my own line.
Right over here.
I'll walk from here to the bar.
Okay.
Larry.
Larry.
- Is that you, Louise? - Yes, bubbie.
Are Darrin and Sam still here? Would you say good night to them for me? Yes, my babe.
Come on.
- Up we go.
Good night, everyone.
- There you go, Larry.
And happy anniversary.
- Thank you, Louise.
- Come on.
That's it.
- Good night, Larry.
Good night, Louise.
- Larry, Louise.
Good night.
A couple more minutes of that and Larry would have taken the pledge.
- Maybe I was a little hard on him.
- Don't worry about Larry.
By tomorrow, he'll be telling the story and he'll be the hero.
A 1 -year-old baby turning the house upside down.
Now, if Aunt Clara would have done that, l - What? - Aunt Clara.
I've got to tell her before she convinces herself she's seriously ill.
You do that on your own.
I think I'm gonna lie down.
Aunt Clara, I have to see you right here: That was a smooth landing.
- Thank you, dear.
- You're welcome.
Aunt Clara there's something I have to tell you.
All those things that were happening No, no, now, dear.
The pots and the pans and Well, Aunt Clara, it wasn't you.
No, it wasn't you, it wasn't you.
It was Tabatha.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, not really.
- Yes, really.
Sure, really.
What isn't "really" in this house? Well.
Well, the little imp.
Oh, dear.
I'm feeling wonderful.
For you, dear, your anniversary.
And congratulations.
Oh, thank you, Aunt Clara.
Our family's first little witch of her generation.
Isn't it marvellous? Everybody in the family will be popping in to see her.
Oh, I must spread the news.
"Everybody in the fam" Sam.
Well, darling, I wouldn't worry.
I'm sure she just means the immediate family.
That's a lot of consolation.
Just what's the matter with my family? How much time do you have? Never mind.
Oh, my.
Now, Tabatha, I know it's been a big day but now it's time for sleep, and I mean it.
Darling, she'll be sort of experimenting with her powers, trying them out.
She sure seems just like any other baby.
Well, she is, except for - You tell her.
- Okay.
Tabatha, mustn't: Mustn't: Good.
Good.
That ought to do it.
You really think so? Well, of course.
I mean, you told her.
Well, that didn't always work with her mother.
Oh, well Oh, Darrin, do you mind awfully? - I've been giving that a lot of thought.
- And? It's been wonderful living with one beautiful witch.
It will be twice as wonderful living with two.