Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s03e02 Episode Script

1 Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola Ooh, steamy, huh? It is Africa, Bob.
So, what's the plan? S ettle in, shower, get Dele, take another shower? We're going straight to Dele.
[EXHALES.]
Just trying to do you a favor, but okay.
- Where's my son? - He's in his room.
- Dele? - DELE: You'll never take me alive! - [GROANS.]
- Dele! [DOOR OPENS.]
Mom? Dele is thriving in Lagos.
Here he will attend the best school and be around people who share his culture.
But he won't have you.
I've always done what's best for him.
I cannot let this be the one time I do not.
[EXCITED SHOUTS.]
Tunde! Hey! How long has it been! - Come in! - Too long! Come inside! - Eh-eh.
- "Eh-eh" what? We have not had a formal introduction between you and my family.
Until then, you cannot step foot in this house.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
Mmm.
This is delicious.
What do they call it? Guinness.
They have everything over here.
Domino's Pizza, KFC, cars.
What, did you think we ate bugs and rode buffaloes? Hey, Black Panther just came out I'm still learning.
Look at Abishola's hot cousin.
You think he needs a green card? He owns three pharmacies in Atlanta.
But does he need a green card? Mom, you're drinking? Lighten up, honey.
It's a wedding.
This isn't the wedding.
Then what the hell am I doing here? I told you, it's the introduction ceremony.
As the elder of our family, it's your job to give a speech on my behalf.
Well, that's fine.
Beer makes me chatty.
If everyone could please take their seats? Mr.
Bob Wheeler, what brings you before the members of my family today? Uh, as is custom, I am here to have my family - meet yours.
- You have brought an elder with you.
Please have them introduce you and explain why our families should be joined together.
FYI, she's fresh off a stroke.
[WHISPERS.]
: I'm just lowering the bar.
Help me.
E kasan, Mr.
and Mrs.
Odegbami.
I am Dorothy Wheeler, and I am proud to say that I'm Bob's mother.
He is a kind and caring man, and he has always taken care of his family.
And I know he'll move heaven and earth to take care of your daughter.
Obafemi, Ebunoluwa, we are honored to be guests in your home.
Bow me! [CLEARS THROAT.]
Thanks, Ma.
EBUNOLUWA: And next, we will hear from Mr.
Bob Wheeler.
Good luck following that.
["IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING.]
We have so many blessings to be thankful for.
My beautiful daughter.
She has made me so proud by giving me a grandson and also by becoming a world-class heart surgeon.
- She doesn't know you're a nurse? - Oh, she knows.
And now she is marrying Bob, millionaire businessman, with a sock company bigger than Nike and Adidas combined.
Isn't that right, Bob? - Yes, Mum.
- Mm.
It feels like just yesterday when I introduced Bob to Abishola.
- [SCOFFS.]
- Which was after I looked into his prospects and investigated his business dealings.
It is amazing you did all that from here while I was the one in America.
Yes, it is amazing.
I am amazing.
- E kaasan, Uncle.
- E kaasan, Uncle.
Oh.
[SIGHS.]
Speak.
Mr.
Odegbami, it's an honor to meet you.
I promise to provide your daughter with a wonderful life.
One where each moment is filled with joy, love and fun.
But not too much fun.
I mean, we'll work a lot.
We'll barely see each other, really.
One bag of salt, one bottle of pure honey, 41 kilos of yam, one kilogram kola nuts Is this a grocery list? Bride price.
Cheaper than my first wife.
[CHUCKLES.]
Bow and go! Bowango.
Bow and go.
Oh.
Granny and Auntie are arguing about which one of them named me.
I named you.
That's what I said, but they said I wasn't born yet, what do I know? Nigeria will be good for you.
I do feel different here.
I don't know what it is.
You are happy.
I will miss you.
You have the best of both worlds.
Six months with your father and six months with me.
And you can always come home.
Always.
Unless you take drugs.
Or fail a test.
Look who just wowed an older gentleman - and got the bride price list.
- Ah.
Such an antiquated and sexist tradition.
- So I shouldn't do it? - Of course you should.
It's tradition.
It will be an honor.
I'm just worried I won't have time to write my vows.
Nigerian weddings do not have vows.
Well, that makes sense.
I mean, why bother telling the whole world how much I love you when the yams and nuts speak for themselves? Yeah, one kilogram of your best kola nuts, please.
- Of course, sir.
- Ah.
I got this.
- You don't have to do that.
- You're my big brother, my best friend the least I could do is help you purchase your wife from her father.
Thanks, pal.
[GROANS.]
These taste like ass.
Well, keep chewing.
Maybe it gets better.
No, still ass.
[LAUGHS.]
[COMPUTER RINGS.]
Hello, Mr.
Wheeler.
E kasan from Lagos.
E kasan.
How is everything going? It's going great.
We wish you were here.
We wish we were invited.
It feels so strange that you are there and we are here running your sock business.
You once said you could not get married without us, and yet you are.
As if socks are more important than friendship.
Totally! Hey, listen, have you guys ever heard of eja osan? Oh, it is a very delicious and expensive fish.
We're in Balogun Market.
Do they have it here? You are in Balogun? I used to go there with my grandmother.
Oh, she's sick now.
It would have been nice to see her one last time.
We're by the suitcases.
Is it by the suitcases? [OOHING AND AAHING.]
You look beautiful, Mummy.
It's great, Auntie Ebunoluwa.
Thank you.
I told Bimpe I wanted enough crystals to blind my enemies.
BIMPE: I will bring the rest of the dresses.
I'll be able to cha-cha down the aisle by the time she gets back.
For each of you, I had Bimpe make an iro and buba, a wrap skirt with a matching blouse adorned with jewels, just like mine.
Mm-hmm.
It's the traditional Yoruba attire that we wear for weddings and funerals.
And if done right, you will look so good, even the dead person will be jealous.
[LAUGHTER.]
[OOHING AND AAHING.]
How does it look? Ah.
Absolutely stunning, Auntie Olu.
Gorgeous.
It's just like Auntie Ebun's.
But better.
Yes, you do look beautiful in that dress.
Thank you, sister.
I will wear it.
- What? - I am the mother of the bride.
It is only right that I have the best dress.
CHRISTINA: Other than the bride, of course.
No! Take off your dress and give it to me.
But the dress is mine.
Abishola, there seems to be some confusion.
Could you remind us who your mother is? - You are.
- And? And the function of a wedding is to honor our elders.
Especially the mother.
I will go change.
I will try my dress on later.
[DRUMMING RHYTHM OF "LET'S GO" BY THE ROUTERS.]
Let's go! - Let's go! - Let's go! What is going on? An ududrum? That is not on the list.
Oh, we got all the stuff.
Now we're just going for extra credit.
You're not getting "stuff.
" You are acknowledging our traditions.
Every item has a deeper meaning.
I'm sure we can make up something for the drum.
Do you know why you're getting yams? Because they're on the list.
Because they represent how you will provide for your wife.
A skinny yam means a starving wife.
Is this the finest yam in the market? I don't know.
I just grabbed it.
You "just grabbed it.
" Bob.
This is about showing Abishola's father what kind of man you are.
A man who takes his time to find the best of the best.
I'll get fatter yams! No.
No.
No! The only thing you got right are these kola nuts.
Hey, I got those.
- Well done.
- Happy to help.
You see, Bob, all her father wants to know is that she's safe and taken care of.
Listen to your brother.
Thank you all for coming to help celebrate this wonderful woman.
I have always wanted to have a sister, and now my dream has come true.
I love you, Abishola.
You don't have to say it back.
Kemi, your turn.
Yeah, Abishola knows what I think of her.
I do.
Okay, then.
Mom? I already talked at the not-wedding.
I guess you'll make your next toast at my wedding.
Sure.
Auntie Ebunoluwa? Auntie Olu? I'm not sure I'm allowed to speak.
Perhaps you do not have much to say.
Oh, I have plenty of things to say.
ABISHOLA: Eh-eh, I will speak.
Christina, thank you for putting all of this together.
Oh.
I love you, Abishola.
Again, you don't have to say it back.
Mummy, thank you for everything you have done for me.
I appreciate your support, even when I make what you call "stupid" decisions.
And, Auntie, if not for you, I would never have opened the door and let Bob into my life.
I still can't believe that you and Uncle followed him and sat outside his house all night.
[LAUGHTER.]
We had to make sure he was not a serial killer.
All of this would have been impossible without you.
You are like the daughter I never had.
Because she is my daughter that I had.
Ah.
You are both very important to me now.
But I am more important.
Buckle up, ladies.
AUNTIE OLU: I was the one who took care of her when her husband abandoned her.
I was there for the first 20 years of her life.
And I am there for her now! I was the one who pushed her out of my body! And I was the one - who fed her goat milk because your breasts were dry! - [POUNDS TABLE.]
Eh-eh! If my breasts are dry, your womb is a desert! It's nice not being the embarrassing family for once.
Right? You have always been jealous of me! - Abishola's mother! Abishola's mother! - Shame on you! Ladies and gentlemen, the Odegbami family are here to celebrate the joining, the union of their family with the Bob Wheelers.
All the way from the most beautiful city in the United States Detroit, Michigan.
Ah-ah, put your hands together for Bob Wheeler and the Bob Wheeler family! [CLAPPING TO RHYTHM OF LIVELY MUSIC.]
[MUSIC FADING.]
Bob Wheeler, why have you come here today? Uh, to marry the beautiful Abishola.
Eh, but, you know, one does not just come and marry a Yoruba woman.
[PANTING.]
: Way ahead of you.
As a sign of respect to her family, we prostrate at your feet.
Get off.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- That is my boy.
You were right.
Bring out the bride o! - [WHOOPING.]
- Yeah Yeah Baby Fresh on the beat And it's killing them all, of course It's killing them all, of course Make we scatter this place tonight - [OTHERS CHEERING.]
- Dance and sweatin' like say na fight We must to settle this thing tonight, yeah Come let us catch some feelings for night, eh And if you tell me say make, I bend low Bend low, bend low I no go waste time but to do like so This is so much better than my first wedding.
[LAUGHS.]
: Mine, too.
[CHEERING.]
This loving loving no be chop and go, eh Na because of How are you enjoying my daughter's wedding? Mummy.
My sister You have done a wonderful job.
I know.
And you were right, the dress is magnificent on you.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
More people need to see how good I look.
Thank you, Auntie.
She can have you for today.
I get you for all the others.
Gloria, isn't this wonderful? I'm so sorry you couldn't be here to see how beautiful I look.
You mean your breasts look.
Yes.
Do me a favor, point the camera toward your face.
Gettin' a virtual motorboat.
[BLABBERS.]
Fine.
I got to say, this is the way to go to a wedding.
It must be nice to not have to wear uncomfortable shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes? Hell, I ain't wearing pants.
[KEMI CHUCKLES.]
Your Yoruba is very good.
Thank you.
I'm Christina, Bob's sister.
I am Dapo, Abishola's second cousin.
Second cousin? Hmm.
So it wouldn't be weird if we got married and made beautiful babies.
Excuse me.
I'll convert to any religion.
I mean, maybe I'd do better over here.
Get myself a little stall in the market, sell fabrics.
Seems like a nice life.
Douglas, are you under the influence of drugs or alcohol? Yes! And yes! We also have been drinking.
We had a glass of Mr.
Wheeler's nice whiskey to toast him on his special day.
And it was so good, we had to have several more.
GOODWIN: Do not be disappointed.
We are off the clock.
- To Mr.
Wheeler! - To Mr.
Wheeler! Love you guys.
I still can't believe you didn't come.
Again, we were not invited.
["OLO MI" BY TOSIN MARTINS PLAYING, LYRICS IN YORUBA.]
Bob Wheeler, sometimes we do not know what we need in our lives until it's there.
I did not know I needed laughter.
I did not know I needed your kindness and love.
I promise to pray for you and love you always.
Thank you.
Kind of sounded like vows.
Yes, husband.
Now, where are mine? Husband.
Boy, I like the sound of that.
Abishola, from the moment I met you, you've been pushing me to be a better version of myself.
You took care of my heart, and I promise you I will take care of yours.
I will spend every day making sure you are safe, happy and loved.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
BOB: Did we just lose power? ABISHOLA: Welcome to Nigeria, Bob.
ALL: Up Nepa! ["OLO MI" CONTINUES.]
["OLO MI" CONTINUES.]