Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e02 Episode Script

Mom, I'm a vampire slayer.
Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", You walk out of this house,|don't even think about coming back.
These are the moments you want|to savour.
You're expelled.
- I love you.
|- I love you.
Buffy.
Wouldn't it be great if Buffy showed up|tomorrow? Like nothing happened? - She can't just show up.
She got kicked out.
|- I wonder what she's doing right now.
Joyce, you mustn't|blame yourself for her leaving.
I don't.
I blame you.
- Mom?|- Buffy.
- Sorry.
|- No, no.
Don't worry about it.
I guess I just got used|to all the quiet while you were gone.
But it's no problem.
Look.
It's Nigerian.
We got a very exciting|shipment in at the galley.
I thought I'd hang a few pieces in here.
|It cheers up the room.
It's angry at the room, Mom.
|It wants the room to suffer.
You have no appreciation of primitive art.
You going out? Well, if it's OK.
- I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
|- Will you be slaying? Only if they give me lip.
Can I make you a sandwich before you go?|You must be starving.
I was until that four-course snack|you served me after dinner.
Well, then You know, why don't I drive you? - You know, I mean, they could be anywhere.
|- Mom - If you don't want me to go,just say so.
|- No, no.
I just wanna put this whole thing|behind us, get back to normal.
You go.
Have a good time.
OK.
Didn't anyone warn you|about playing with pointy sticks? It's all fun and games|until somebody loses an eye.
You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.
Jeez, Buff.
- Nighthawk! Everything OK?|- Nighthawk? Hey, Buffy.
Hey, guys.
You know, maybe it's too late.
|Maybe we should just come back tomorrow.
What if he's mad? Mad? Because you ran away and abandoned|your post, your friends and your mom and made him lay awake|every night worrying about ya? Maybe we should wait out here.
Check it out.
The Watcher's|back on the clock.
Just when you were thinking career change,|maybe becoming a looker or a seer.
Thank you, Xander.
Welcome home, Buffy.
I got in a few hours ago,|but I wanted to go see my mom first.
Yes.
Yes, of course.
How did you find her? Well, I pretty much remembered the address.
I mean How are things between you? Excuse me.
So you're not wanted for murder any more.
Good.
That was such a drag.
- Where were you? Did you go to Belgium?|- Why would I go to Belgium? I think the relevant question|is why wouldn't ya? Belgium.
- What's up with you, Xander?|- You know, same old, same old.
- Hardly.
|- OK, I lied.
A whole lot is new.
- Well, that's good, isn't it? New is good.
|- Absolutely.
Except for the obvious.
Yeah, cos you weren't in hell.
Cordelia went on a luxury vacation.
- I feel for you.
|- Here we are then.
Chow's up.
So were you, like, living in a box, or what? Well, it's a long story.
So skip the heart-warming stuff about|kindly old people and get right to the dirt.
Perhaps Buffy could use a little time to adjust|before we grill her on her summer activities.
- What he said.
|- Fair enough.
Leave the slaying to us while you settle in.
|We got you covered.
I noticed.
You guys seem down with the|slayage.
With your walkies and everything.
Yeah, but the outfits suck.
|This whole Rambo thing is so over.
I'm thinking more sporty, like Hilfiger maybe.
Still, we were getting good.
|We dusted nine out of ten.
- Six out of ten.
|- Six out of ten.
Whatever, we were kicking undead booty.
Thank you for the offer, but I think|I wanna get back to my normal routine.
You know, school, slaying.
Kids' stuff.
In fact, I'm jonesing for a little brainless fun.
|What are you doing tomorrow? I would, but I'm kinda tied up.
You wish.
- Will?|- Tomorrow, I Come on.
Friends don't let|friends browse alone.
OK.
I had some schoolwork,|but I can change my plans.
As for school, Buffy, you know you'll have|to talk to Principal Snyder before On it.
Mom is making|an appointment with His Ugliness.
I know she can break him.
Absolutely not.
Under no circumstances.
But you can't keep her out of school.
|You don't have the right.
I have not only the right, but also|a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her|out of school.
I'd say I'm tingly.
Buffy was cleared of all those charges.
Yes.
And while she may live up to the|not-a-murderer requirement for enrolment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school|property and the occasional student.
And her grade-point average is enough to I'm sorry.
Another tingle moment.
How can you be so cavalier|about a young girl's entire future? I'm quite sure that a girl with the talents|and abilities of Buffy will land on her feet.
In fact, I noticed as I came in this morning that Hot Dog on a Stick is hiring.
You will look so cute in that hat.
Let's go, Mom.
This isn't over.
If I have to,|I'll go all the way to the Mayor.
Wouldn't that be interesting? Don't worry about school, honey.
If we can't get you back into Sunnydale,|maybe we can swing private school.
Private school?|You mean, like, jackets and kilts? - You want me to get field-hockey knees?|- It's not that bad.
What about home schooling? It's not just|for scary religious people any more.
We'll work something out.
OK? Say hi to Willow? My word.
You must be Buffy.
Look at you.
Aren't you a picture? - Thank you.
|- I'm Pat.
From your mom's book club.
- I'm sure she mentioned me.
|- Actually I sort of took it upon myself|to look after her while you were, you know, off and away|or what have you, and Well, between your situation and reading|Deep End of the Ocean, she was she was just a wreck.
You can imagine.
Anyway, I'm off.
We're making|empanadas in my Spanish class tonight.
You go be with your mom.
|You two need to rebond.
Pat wishes us quality time.
- I met her in a|- Book club.
- Got it.
|- Before I forget, Willow just called.
- Where was she?|- She got held up.
But she said she tried to call.
- Was there a message?|- No.
But I had a thought.
What if I invited Willow and Mr Giles and|everybody over for dinner tomorrow night? Don't you think that would be nice? Since I sort of already did,|I was hoping for ayes.
- That'll be fun.
|- Great.
Do me a favour?|Run down and get the company plates.
Mom Willow and everybody|aren't company-plate people.
- They're normal-plate people.
|- We never have guests for dinner.
Indulge your mother? Next time, I get to pick|the mother-daughter bonding activity.
- Do you wanna say something?|- Like what? Thanks for stopping by and dying? How about: goodbye, stray cat|who lost its way.
We hope you find it.
- I thought they'd be here.
|- They are.
They're waiting for you.
Am I dreaming? I'm probably the wrong person to ask.
You'd better go.
I'm afraid.
You should be.
I've been on the phone with|the superintendent of schools.
At least he seems more reasonable than that|nasty little, horrid, bigoted rodent-man.
Mom.
Anyway, I'm going in|to speak with him this afternoon.
As for private schools,|Miss Porter's accepts late admissions.
- I wrote the information down for you.
|- A girls' school? So now it's jackets, kilts and no boys?|Care to throw in a little foot-binding? Buffy, you made some bad choices.
You just|might have to live with some consequences.
Nothing's settled yet.
I just wish you didn't have to be so secretive.
It's not your fault you have a special|circumstance.
They should make allowances.
Mom, I'm a slayer.
It's not like|I need to ride a little bus to school.
Couldn't you just tell a few people, like|Principal Snyder and maybe the police? I mean, I would think they would be|happy to have a superhero.
Is that the right term?|It's not offensive, is it? Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo.
My God, what a stench.
You know, I wanted Forest Pine|or April Fresh, but Mom wanted Dead Cat.
Well I'll get it back to the library,|see if we can determine its exact origin.
It's striking and Nigerian.
Yes.
I have this wonderful dealer|who specialises in ancient artefacts I love art talk as much as the next very dull|person, but we have work to do, Giles.
- Research mode.
|- Shouldn't you stay with your mother? - You must have|- Please, no.
It's fine.
She can go with you.
Actually, she can't.
You're not allowed on school property.
I'm sorry.
I'll call as soon as I know something.
- We'll see you tonight.
|- Tonight, then.
It looks dead.
It smells dead.
Yet it's movin' around.
That's interesting.
Nice pet, Giles.
|Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA today, or anything? I'm tying to find out how and why it rose|from the grave.
I'm not about to take it home.
Well, I like it.
I think|you should call it Patches.
What about Buffy's dinner tonight?|I told her mom we'd help out.
Bring stuff.
I'm the dip.
You gotta admire the purity of it.
What? Onion dip.
Stirring, not cooking.
It's what I bring.
We should figure out what kinda deal this is.
|I mean, is it a gathering, a shindig, - or a hootenanny?|- What's the difference? Well, a gathering is brie,|mellow song stylings, shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings,|perhaps a large amount of malt beverage, and hootenanny, well, it's chock-full|of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
- Well, I hate brie.
|- I know.
It smells like Giles's cat.
- It's not my|- And what'll we talk about at a gathering? "Did you meet any nice pimps|on your travels?" and "Thanks for ruining our lives|for the past three months.
" - Xander.
|- You know what I mean.
She doesn't wanna talk about it, we don't,|so why don't we just shut up and dance? Well, Buffy said she did wanna loosen up,|you know, have some kid time.
Aren't you rehearsing tonight?|Why not play at the party? - I think I could supply some Dingo action.
|- I'm not sure that a - shindig|- Hootenanny.
Hootenanny is really the order of the day.
Maybe something a little more intimate.
|Buffy has just got home.
I'm sure she's still feeling a little disoriented.
All the more reason to make her feel|welcome.
A big party says "Welcome, Buffy".
OK, so one vote from the old guy|for a smelly cheese night and how many votes for actual fun? All right, all right.
Have it your way.
I'm just glad to have her home.
Now things can get back to normal.
There you are.
Not thinking about|any more flights of fancy, I hope.
Joyce said there was room for one more,|so I said forget facial night and let's party.
I bet you like empanadas.
Do you wanna see my mom? Mom! Pat.
Good.
- Buffy, I hope you don't mind.
|- Hi.
Great.
Hey, Buffy.
Where do you want|the band to set up? The band? - Hey.
|- Hey.
- This is large.
|- You like? Yeah.
It's great.
I was just sort of hoping it would be us.
Sorry.
What? This is amazing but I was sort of hoping|we could just hang together - the gang.
Is everything OK? You you seem to be avoiding me,|in the one-on-one sense.
What? This isn't avoiding.
|See? Here you are, here I am.
- So we're cool?|- Way.
That's why, with the party,|cos we're all glad you're back.
- OK.
|- OK.
Good.
Hey, Buff.
What are you doing? I was just taking a break|from all this wacky fun.
Some kind of party, huh? I guess a lot|of people are glad to have you back.
It seems like people|I didn't even know missed me.
- Did Giles say he was gonna be late?|- He was Library Man last time I saw him.
He'll be here.
He wants to celebrate|your homecoming.
We all do.
It's great to have the Buffster back.
- Isn't it?|- Totally.
Except you were kinda turning me on|with that whole Boy Slayer look.
- Was I now?|- You bet, Nighthawk.
Well, I'll just be Yeah.
Breathe.
Breathe.
All right, look, these burns are too extensive.
|It's 1:43.
Let's call it.
Oh, my God! - What's the deal with this party anyway?|- This party? Heard it was for some chick|that just got outta rehab.
Now, how are you holding up, Joyce? Really.
Really? I'm I don't know.
While Buffy was gone,|all I could think about was getting her home.
I just knew that if I could put my arms around|her and tell her I loved her, it would be OK.
- But?|- Having Buffy home, I thought it was gonna make it all better|but, in some ways, it's almost worse.
Oh, Lord.
Party Villa, can I rock you? I need to speak with Buffy.
Immediately.
I|have information that is extremely important.
Yeah.
Fiesta foul.
You gotta do a shot.
I need to speak to Buffy.
Now! Bunny? - That guy's gotta do a shot.
|- Buffy! Hey.
I need to talk to a Buddy.
Is there a Buddy here? Sorry.
He's not here.
|You got the wrong house, Mr Belvedere.
Hello? Hello.
You're leaving again? You just stopped by for your lint brush|and now you're ready to go? - It's not like anyone'll mind.
|- No.
Have a great time.
- And don't forget to not write.
|- Why are you attacking me? - I'm tying.
|- And it looks so much like giving up.
- I'm just trying to make things easier.
|- For who? - You guys were doing fine without me.
|- We were doing the best we could.
It's not like we had a lot of choice.
Sorry that I had to leave, but you|don't know what I was going through.
- Well, I'd like to.
|- You wouldn't understand.
Well, maybe I don't need to understand.
Maybe I just need you to talk to me.
How could I when you were avoiding me? This isn't easy, Buffy.
I know you're going through stuff,|but so am I.
- I know you were worried about me but|- No.
I don't just mean that.
I mean, my life.
You know? I'm having all sorts of I'm dating.
I am having|serious dating with a werewolf, and I'm studying witchcraft|and killing vampires, and I didn't have anyone to talk to about all this scary life stuff.
And you were my best friend.
Unbelievable.
"Do you like my mask?" "Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.
" Americans.
Jesus! My God.
Are you all right? Are you hurt? God.
You have no idea how much I missed you.
Everyone.
- I wanted to call every day.
|- That doesn't matter, Buffy.
- It doesn't make it OK that you didn't.
|- What is this? Is this some sort of a joke? - Mom, please, could you just|- No, I can't just.
- Buffy, what is this?|- She was running away again.
No, I wasn't.
- I'm not sure.
|- You better get sure and explain yourself.
If you think you can take off|anytime you feel li Stop it.
Please.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Don't you leave this house, young lady.
|You know what? That's it.
- You and I are gonna have a talk.
|- Mom, please You know what? I don't care.
|I don't care what your friends think, or you, for that matter, because you|put me through the wringer.
I mean it.
And I've had schnapps.
|Do you have any idea what it's been like? - Mom, this isn't the t|- You can't imagine months of not knowing.
Not knowing whether you're lying dead|in a ditch somewhere or living it up.
But you told me.
|You're the one who said I should go.
You said if I leave, don't come back.
|You found out who I really was and you couldn't deal.
Remember? Buffy, you didn't give me time.
You dumped it on me|and expected me to get it.
Well, guess what? Mom's not perfect,|OK? I handled it badly.
But that doesn't give you the right|to punish me by running away.
- I didn't do this to punish you.
|- Well, you did.
- You didn't see what you put her through.
|- Great.
Thanks.
Anybody else wanna weigh in here?|How about you by the dip? No, thanks.
I'm good.
Maybe you don't wanna hear it, Buffy, but|taking off was incredibly selfish and stupid.
OK.
I screwed up.
I know this.
|But you have no idea! You have no idea what happened|to me or what I was feeling.
- Did you even try talking to anybody?|- There was nothing anybody could do.
OK? - I just had to deal with this on my own.
|- Yeah, see how well that one worked out.
You can't just buy stuff.
|It'll come back up to get ya.
Good show, Giles.
Like riding a bloody bicycle.
As if I could've gone to you.
Your feelings|about Angel and I were perfectly clear.
Look.
I'm sorry that your honey was a demon, but most girls don't hop|a Greyhound over boy troubles.
Time out, Xander.
Put yourself|in Buffy's shoes for just a minute.
OK? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right?|Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into|Mr Killing Spree, which is - Cordy.
Get outta my shoes.
|- I'm just trying to help, Buffy.
- Buffy, you never|- Willow, please.
- I can't take this from you, too.
|- Let her finish.
You at least owe her that.
God, Xander.
Could you at least stick|to annoying me on your own behalf? Fine.
You stop acting like an idiot,|I'll stop annoying you.
You wanna talk acting|like an idiot? Nighthawk? OK.
I'm gonna step in now.
|Being Referee Guy.
No, let 'em go, Oz.
|Talking about it isn't helping.
We might as well try some violence.
I was being sarcastic.
- Xander, kitchen.
|- Got your back.
- Are these vampires?|- I don't think so.
Buffy, heads up! No, not vampires.
Man, this sucker wobbles,|but he won't fall down.
- We gotta get 'em back outside.
|- On three.
One two three.
OK.
We're gonna have to barricade this door.
|We need some help out here! I got him.
Go help Buffy.
Pat! Careful.
Hurry.
Go! She's Oh, God! Pat! She's dead.
- What do we do if they get in?|- I kind of think we die.
I don't hear anything.
Should we check? Let's go for it.
- Here.
|- Thanks.
- It's me.
|- How do we know you're not Zombie Giles? - Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
|- It's him.
I think the Dead Man's Party's|moved upstairs.
That makes sense.
It's the mask|in Joyce's bedroom they're after.
Mask? The mask holds the power of|a zombie demon, called Ovu Moboni.
Evil Eye.
- I don't think we can get past them.
|- Well, what happens if they get the mask? If one of them puts it on,|they become the demon incarnate.
Worse than a zombie.
Yes, worse.
Oh, God! We thought you were Generally speaking, when scary things|get scared, not good.
I live.
You die.
Willow, don't look.
Out back! Not looking.
Not looking! Tell Buffy, Moboni's power lies in his eyes.
She has to go for the eyes to defeat him! Buffy! Hey, Pat! Made you look.
Never mind.
Honey! - Are you all right?|- Yeah.
So, is this a typical day at the office? No.
This was nothing.
Nice moves.
You, too.
- Do we have an appointment?|- I'd like to have a word with you.
If that word is Buffy, then I have|two words for you: "good" and "riddance".
Now, if you don't mind,|I have an appointment with the Mayor.
- You can't keep her out of this school.
|- I think you'll find I can.
- You had no grounds for expelling her.
|- I have grounds, precedent and a tingly kind of feeling.
Buffy Summers is a minor,|and is entitled to a public education.
Your personal dislike of the girl|does not legally entitle you to Why don't you take it up|with the city council? I thought I'd start with|the state supreme court.
You're powerful in local circles, but I believe I can make life very difficult|for you, professionally speaking.
And Buffy will be allowed back in.
Sorry.
I'm not convinced.
Would you like me to convince you? I mean, I'm not a full-fledged witch.
|That takes years.
I just did a couple of pagan blessings and|a teeny glamour to hide a zit.
- Does it scare you?|- It has.
I tried to communicate with the spirit world,|and I so wasn't ready for that.
It's like being pulled apart inside.
Plus I blew the power|for our whole block.
Big scare.
- I wish I could've been there with you.
|- Me, too.
I really freaked out.
- I am sorry.
|- It's OK.
I understand you having to bail.
|I can forgive that.
I have to make allowances for what you're|going through and be a grown-up about it.
You're really enjoying this moral|superiority thing, aren't you? - It's like a drug.
|- Fine.
OK.
I'm the bad.
I can take my lumps for a while.
All right.
I'll stop giving you a hard time.
- Runaway.
|- Will.
I'm sorry.
Quitter.
- Whiner.
|- Bailer.
- Harpy.
|- Delinquent.
- Tramp.
|- Bad seed.
- Witch.
|- Freak.