Doc Martin (2004) s03e02 Episode Script
Movement
- [dog barks.]
- Oh, God.
Go away.
Just go away.
[dog whimpers, growls.]
[barking.]
Oh! Evening, Doc.
Here.
Try one of these.
They're a day old, but don't taste it.
The secret is in the cream.
lt's fake.
No.
Bert, l need you to do something for me.
Oh, for you, Doc, no problem.
Table for two, is it? What time? - No.
- For you and Miss Glasson? - l said no.
- Oh, come on, Doc.
You gotta come.
lf it wasn't for you telling me to make some life changes, - l wouldn't be here.
- l meant exercise and change your diet, not open a restaurant.
Before you kill yourself with a heart attack, come to the surgery and fit in my dishwasher.
Oh, you're gonna need a plumber for that, Doc.
- You are a plumber.
- [chuckles.]
No can do.
No.
l've hung up my dungarees and monkey wrench for good.
No.
Now l am in the hospitality trade.
- Oh, it's good to run into you - l meant to - lt's all right, after you.
- No, you first.
- No, after you.
- l'm eating plenty of dried fruit, - for the iron, like you said.
- You're coming in for a blood test? Yeah, back again.
People will think l got anaemia to spend time with you.
No, they won't.
lt's been a bit tricky to eat properly.
l've been living out the microwave.
l've been waiting for my new cooker from Weybridge Electric.
Yes.
They delivered my new dishwasher the same day.
Yes, he said.
He said he'd, uh, met you.
- So Bert's opening tomorrow night.
- Yes.
- You going? - God, no.
No, me neither.
Busy, are you? - No.
- No.
No, me neither.
Right.
Bye then.
[Martin.]
Hmm.
Why don't you come to my place for dinner? - What? To your house? - Yes.
Tomorrow.
l haven't used my cooker, and l thought that - Yes.
- Great.
- Good.
- Tomorrow then.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- Above all, the most important thing - Patient care.
Patient care, yes.
- What is patient care again? - Tea and coffee! - Offer them as soon as they come in.
- Tea and coffee.
Of course! When l worked for Dr Simm, the kettle was always on.
l know this position's only temporary at the moment, but we play our cards right, - it could be permanent.
- What if the doc's as bad as You know.
They say he made the bin man cry.
Oh, you'll be fine.
You're early.
Better five years early than one minute late.
[chuckles.]
- Did you brush your teeth this morning? - Yes, Mum.
Here's peppermints, just in case.
Now, l'm only gonna be gone a couple of days.
- That's a long time in medicine.
- Yes, it is.
l'm doing a phlebotomy course.
That means blood and stuff.
So when l get back, l'll be in charge of taking blood 'cause of the doc's phobia.
That means fear and stuff.
She's nervous.
lt's her first real job, isn't it, Poppy? - Yeah.
- Apart from selling shells.
- Shh, Mum.
- Although no one bought them, 'cause she was standing by the beach.
[laughs.]
Aw.
- She was only seven.
- l'll show you where everything is.
- Bye.
- Maybe l'll stay till she's settled.
- Oh, no need.
- No, Mum.
Well, uh, can l just have a cup of tea? OK, but then you go home.
Stay.
So this is the consulting room.
This is the kitchen.
This is the Doc in the kitchen plumbing his new dishwasher.
This is the kettle.
So why don't l leave you two to get to know each other.
Uh, what's your name? - [mother.]
Poppy! - Right.
- You're too young to be reading that.
- l'm the same age as you.
This is where l keep the patients' records.
This folder is for addresses - and this one is for prescriptions.
- But what if you put each patient's - stuff in the same folder? - Everything'd be in the same place.
- Yeah, but if - l'll be OK now, Mum.
You run along.
l've got an importantjob for Poppy.
OK, then.
Well, good luck.
[whispers.]
Don't forget your peppermints.
So, what do you want me to do? Go and get me a biscuit.
Michael Mabley.
You cornered me in the Wendy House and made me kiss you.
lt's me, Pauline.
- Pauline - You remember me.
- No.
- l thought you moved to Bristol.
- What are you doing here? - l need to see the doctor.
[laughs.]
No.
l meant back in Portwenn, silly.
lt's personal.
May l see the doctor now, please? - lf you could just - Fill in this form.
- And - And take a seat.
l'll see what l can do.
- Who's next? - Um, she is.
Mandie Jordan! l was thinking, maybe, if l gave the patients their files to give to you, you won't have to keep coming out.
[Pauline snorts.]
Um, l just thought it was a good idea.
That's all.
- lt is a good idea.
- Really? You really think so? Mmm.
Go through.
Bye then, Doc.
See you soon.
Should l get the patients a cup of tea or coffee then? Yes.
The doc likes everyone to have hot drinks.
Lots of them.
- Patient care.
- That's it.
Well done, Poppy.
Get that kettle on.
Right.
- Who wants a nice cup of tea? - [door closes.]
l want the morning-after pill.
- When did you have intercourse? - l haven't.
- Why do you want the pill? - l'm planning to do it one day.
- You want the contraceptive pill.
- Right.
- So give me that then.
- No.
You're 15.
lt's against the law.
- You're a child.
- l'm 16 in two months.
- Come back then.
- l want the pill now! You are too young to have sex.
Now leave.
Dickhead.
l'll just go somewhere else then, won't l? [Martin.]
Next patient.
lf you can just go in now, Mr Mabley.
And take that with you.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God, that guy was so yum.
- Gorgeous.
- Completely.
- Yeah.
- You know who he was looking at? - He doesn't fancy you.
He was staring at you wondering where your tits were.
[girls laughing.]
- You gonna cry now? - Work.
- [Martin.]
What's your address? - l'm on the move at the moment.
OK.
Sit on the end of the couch, please.
Let's have a look at the wound.
- How did this happen? - ltjust happened.
- How? - l was stabbed.
- How long ago? - Ten days.
- Has a doctor seen it? - No.
Risk of bacteraemia and septicaemia.
Why didn't you have it checked - when it happened? - Was in prison.
l'd have missed parole.
- Hmm.
What did you do? - l got stabbed.
All right, l'll take some blood, start you on antibiotics.
ln the meantime, l'll clean the wound.
You know, Doc, it's not the sort of thing l want getting out.
People talk.
Patient confidentiality extends even to parolees.
- [door opens.]
- [birds squawking.]
- Oh! What, no Pauline today? - She's gone on her course.
- Can l help? - Louisa Glasson.
l'm a bit late.
- Sorry.
- Someone's taken your spot.
- So you'll have to wait.
Sorry.
- Oh, right.
- Tea? - Tea? Mmm.
She makes a good cup of tea, the new girl.
l can't believe l'm anaemic.
l feel like such a teenager.
You're doing all the right things.
You may feel tired, have difficulty fighting infections and so on.
So tonight, 7.
00 then.
Um, l'd rather not eat after 6.
30.
Oh.
6.
30, that's early.
Mmm.
lt keeps me awake.
Well, 6.
00 is fine.
l'll just move everything forward an hour.
- lt's not a problem.
- Good.
[clears throat.]
Did you realise this was a doctor's surgery? lf you want to work in a tea room, l'm sure it can be arranged.
Did l make myself clear? We don't serve tea.
Next patient, please.
- Do something with it.
- You're not the boss.
Well, actually, yeah, l am.
Bert made me chef.
Chop half a dozen of these.
See if you can keep your acrylics out of them.
- Bert around? - [gasps.]
Oh, don't do that.
- Don't look like it, does it? - Heard he might be hiring.
- l'm a cook.
- So am l.
l'm Mick.
Just in case anything comes up.
Wouldn't say no to him.
- Onions.
- Right.
Onions.
Yeah.
[up-tempo music playing.]
Oh! [clears throat.]
[music continues to play.]
- [electric fizzling.]
- [music stops.]
Bugger! All right, big tits? [laughs.]
- Give me a drink.
- Go get your own.
Bet you don't know what this is.
Your plastic surgeon's number for your boob job? lt's that hot guy from the Doc's.
- He wants to take me out.
- Liar.
-[dialling.]
- Hey! lt's probably your gram.
[ringing.]
[phone ringing.]
Yep? Hello? - Well, go on then.
- Who is this? Hello? - What'd you do that for? - l want some privacy, don't l? You're pathetic.
He didn't give you his number, did he? Come on.
See you later, stalker.
- Yeah, stalker.
- [girls laughing.]
[girls laughing.]
Doctor has to go and see Miss Glasson after school.
- Must've done something really naughty.
- Or maybe he's about to! Hello.
There's no electricity.
The fuse thingy keeps tripping.
Ah.
Oh, right.
Well, l could, uh, take a look at that for you, if you'd like.
l brought you these.
- Oh.
Thank you, Martin.
- They're yams.
Rich source of iron.
Um - Well, l'll just put these in water.
- Do you know where your fuse box is? - The cooker's done it.
Over there.
- Under the stairs.
Covered by this area.
- [music starts playing.]
- That's done it.
- The main switch was tripped.
- Yeah.
l know.
Like l said, there's something wrong with the new cooker.
Look at that.
- [shouts.]
- Martin! Bugger! Ah! - There's a fault with your cooker.
- l know! You need an electrician.
- l know.
- Don't touch it.
- Thanks.
Are you all right? - Yes, l'm fine.
Thanks.
l'm really very sorry.
You know, l've been working on this all day.
l wanted it to be perfect, and it's absolutely ruined.
Smells like it would have been very nice had it been, uh, fully cooked.
Right.
Uh We could always go to Bert's.
When you get down to it, there's not much to choose between plumbing and dining.
lt's all to do with pipes, isn't it? Although in this case, a bit of rumbling in the tum isn't such a bad thing to hear.
Now, Mandie, your wait person, will be right over to take your pud order.
And as they say abroad, ''Enjoy''.
Right, uh, the scallops.
They're very fresh.
They're nice.
You'll like them.
Hey, it's filling up out there.
You gotta look sharp, Theresa.
Chop chop.
Can l borrow some of your lip gloss? lt's missing something.
Oh, l know.
You know, the secret of this, love, is in the seasoning.
- l've done it.
- What? l've already done it.
Stop it! [Bert.]
Watch.
You always need a little bit more than you think.
[Theresa.]
Get off.
l'll do it.
- [gasping.]
- What's the matter? Nothing.
lt's just butterflies.
You've gotta step it up a notch, girls! Come on! - This looks nice, doesn't it? - No.
Well Evening, Doctor.
So how's my Poppy on her first day? Uh adequate.
Sort of.
Doc! Louisa.
This way, please.
l've got a lovely sea view for you.
- Oh, thanks.
- Here we are.
[laughs.]
You had me going there, Doc, when you said you might not come tonight.
l mean, you're quite the joker, aren't you? When it comes down to it, there's not much to choose between plumbing and dining.
lt's all to do with the rumbling in the pipes.
[laughs.]
- What do you mean? - You know, the rumbling in the tum.
You know, like an air block.
- Borborygmi.
- Excuse me? The sound your stomach makes.
lt's called borborygmi.
lt's due to contractions in the bowel.
- Drink, Louisa? - Yeah.
Uh, glass of white wine, please.
- White wine.
And Doc? - Uh, water.
Bottled.
Bottled.
Excuse me.
All right, let's, um Chop quicker.
Let me show you.
Bert! l have worked in a restaurant before.
- The doctor and teacher want the salad.
- Two salad à la maison, chef.
And the steak medium and the fish specialty for the other table.
Whoops.
Table six wanted to know if you were chasing the lizzie carol down the lane.
Oh! l'm reading a really great book at the moment.
What was it called? Oh, you know, it's up for all the big prizes at the moment.
- Two salads.
- Oh, thanks.
l've just finished a study of cutaneous diphtheria and the treatment of infected skin ulcers.
Mmm.
Dermatological Society's book of the year.
Hmm.
- Fingers in my Pockets.
- l beg your pardon.
My book.
lt's called Fingers in my Pockets.
Right.
[gagging.]
- Oh, God! - Martin! Martin! - [indistinct chatter.]
- Martin.
lt's OK, Doc, everything's under control.
You go back and sit down.
There's blood on my plate! This girl.
Not too handy with the cleaver.
- Excuse me.
- There's blood on my plate! - Oh, God! - Oh.
OK, Doc, look.
Just go and sit down.
l know you're not too good with this sort of thing.
l'll bring a fresh salad directly, right? - You mop the rest of this blood up.
- Where's your first-aid box? Do you have a first-aid box? Do you know about kitchen hygiene? - Yes.
l've nearly got an NVQ, actually.
- What, in poisoning people? - l so do not need this right now.
- This kitchen is disgusting! l've fed myself for years.
l haven't killed myself.
Explain that to the health inspector.
'Ere, Doc.
Doc! Doc, calm down! lt's just a little mess.
l'll have it cleaned up in no time.
- [Louisa.]
What's going on? - There was blood in my salad.
- What? Blood? - [gasping.]
lt's all right.
lt's just a little mix-up.
- Everything is fine, all right? - Bert! l quit! l can't work in these conditions.
Ow.
- Doc, this really hurts.
- You better get going quick.
Come with me.
[clears throat.]
Goodbye.
Louisa! Where are you going? l'm sorry, Bert.
l've rather lost my appetite.
All right, who wants a free glass of wine then? - What's going on, Bert? - Nothing to worry about, Joe.
l'll be the judge of that.
Just seen a member of the public distressed - with some sort of flesh wound.
- Sit down and have a glass of wine - for Pete's sake.
- Got a license for serving that? Of course this place has got a license.
lt always has had.
The license comes with the proprietor, not the premises.
You carry on serving alcohol, you're breaking the law.
l didn't know that.
You're late.
l've got a bit of a funny tummy, actually.
Couldn't keep my breakfast down.
- Good morning, Bert.
- What are you doing here? - l work here, don't l? - l don't have a drinks license.
No one eats where they can't drink.
Even if they did, there's no one to do the food, so no, you don't work here no more.
- What's that then? - You need a cook.
He's a friend of mine.
He's a really good cook.
- lt's a bit late for that.
- l'll call him for you.
[groans.]
You'd better go home.
Drink plenty of water.
And, uh, l'll need a stool sample.
- Do you know what a stool sample is? - ln there? Yes, of course, in there.
But why would you need a sample of that if l'm being sick? l'm a doctor.
lt's what we do.
What are you waiting for? - Mr Large? - Who wants to know? Mick Mabley.
- l went to school with Al.
- Oh.
Last time l saw you, you were riding a BMX bike through my veg patch.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, your girl Mandie called, said you needed a cook.
- Mmm.
- l've got experience.
Worked all over the place.
l could fill in while you find someone.
The thing is, l don't have a drinks license at the moment.
So have people bring their own until you get one.
- Charge corkage.
- Corkage? Make them pay to bring their own booze, like they do on the Continent.
Next.
Next.
Oh, good.
Take this girl home.
Actually, l'm not feeling too good.
Wait your turn.
Who's next? Mrs Poosty? - That's me.
l've been awful sick, Doc.
- You're not the only one.
Who else has been vomiting? What is it with you people? This always happens.
lf one of you gets it, you all get it.
Athlete's foot would spread like the plague.
- Did you wash your hands? - No.
Oh, well, goodness gracious! Maybe there's a link! lf you all just observed the simplest of personal hygiene routines, we'd all be spared this.
Go and wash your hands.
- Like living in a village of lemmings.
- Hold on there, Dr Ellingham.
We've had a chat about this, and think we know where it comes from.
Oh, do you? Enlighten me.
We were all at Bert's restaurant, same as you.
[all.]
Yes.
- Bert.
- Doc! - Excuse me.
- l have treated seven cases of nausea this morning, all ate here last night.
- Keep it down.
- Not content with laying low half of Portwenn, you've started on visitors.
lf it wasn't for your performance, l'd have locals.
- l want you to close this restaurant.
- Come into the kitchen.
l put everything l've got into this.
You're putting something into it making people ill.
[Bert.]
l've eaten here and l'm perfectly fine! [Martin.]
You've spent your life with your arm down a lavatory.
You've built up resistance to certain bacteria.
The point l'm trying to make is you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur.
See? This is my new chef.
Bob a job knows all about hygiene and stuff.
This is Mick Mabley.
Yes, we've met.
A quick tidy up isn't gonna do it, Bert.
You still don't have required safety measures.
Where's your first-aid box? Behind you.
[Bert.]
Everything's ship-shape and old-fashioned, Doc.
Health and safety and food hygiene certificate's in the folder there.
- Right.
That's the end of it.
- [cell phone rings.]
Excuse me.
Hello? Yes.
Oh, you had? Oh.
Have you taken anything? OK.
You sit tight and l'll be right there.
- Hi.
- That was quick.
l only really needed some advice.
l didn't need a home visit.
[panting.]
l was around the corner.
Well, thanks.
Come in.
Sorry.
Sorry about the mess.
Thank you.
l'll, uh, just wash my hands.
[sighs.]
Martin.
Have you found a towel? Uh, yes.
[clears throat.]
Yeah, come in, Martin.
Oh, uh, Martin, you've, uh - lt's my bra.
- What? - My bra.
Sorry, it's just it's - Oh! - Sorry, l don't know May l? - Yeah, please.
All right.
And, um, what are your symptoms? Well, just vomiting.
l just feel so rotten.
Your anaemia will probably make you feel worse than, uh, the other patients.
l've seen seven people, similar cases today.
When we were at Bert's last night, did you eat anything? Just a few mouthfuls of salad, that's all.
Salad's potentially more dangerous than cooked foods.
- The heat kills off the bacteria.
- Mmm.
-[beeping.]
- Um, just Yeah, keep drinking plenty of fluids.
l'll give you something to replace the salts Times like this you wish your mum would bring you some toast.
Well, l could make you some toast.
Oh, no, thanks.
- Louisa, l - Yes? l'm going to need a stool sample.
Hmm.
- Oh.
Dr Ellingham.
- Mrs Tishell.
l'd like my package and some more rehydration salts.
l have your package right here.
And l just wanted to say, Doctor, that l know there are some people in this village who might not appreciate a firm hand, but l think that you are handling the whole sorry situation of the sickness from that restaurant very well.
- And the rehydration salts, please? - Yes, Doctor.
lt must be hard to be the voice of reason amidst a sea of dissenters.
- We, in the medical profession - That'll be all.
Put it on my account.
l could just eat him with a spoon.
Late, l know.
You don't have to go on about it.
Yeah.
Mick's just taught me how to make perfect scrambled eggs.
Now, if this isn't the best scrambled eggs you ever had, l'll put your mini skirt on and run through the village.
- lt's not cooked.
- Of course it's not.
That's the point.
lt's meant to be runny.
Here, try again.
Thought we had an understanding, Bert.
Back here is my area.
You're out front.
Excuse me.
l'll be out front.
So how are you settling into the village then? Don't plan on staying long.
l'll show you around the fun parts, if you like.
Don't need a kid to show me where the playground is.
Why aren't these in the fridge? - Um, l'm sorry for being ill.
- Go home, Poppy.
l'm fine now.
And Mum says l should battle on like a professional.
l don't need you here today.
ls it my breath? Um Sorry.
Um, is it still a bit sicky? - Pauline's coming back today.
- Oh.
- Um, Mum said l should be here.
- Good for your mum.
Ow! Ow! - Surgery isn't open yet.
- l think l'm gonna die.
Morning, Bert.
Finished my course.
Got my certificate and everything.
Wanna see it? - Oh! That's great, isn't it, girl? - [chuckles.]
- Got any blood you want taken? - [both chuckle.]
So anything happening here whilst l've been in Truro? Oh, how was the big opening night? Bet it was great, wasn't it? Why don't you ask the doc, eh? l'm sure he'll tell you all about it.
Now, if you don't mind, l've got a bit of work to do.
Excuse me.
No.
You're not dying.
lt's food poisoning.
You're the ninth person l've treated who's eaten food from Bert's restaurant.
- l know l am dying.
- l know you're not.
- You don't know anything.
- Oh.
l took Theresa's pills.
- What pills? - You know, the ''pill'' pills.
How many? All of them.
l've done something terrible to my insides, haven't l? Uh, no, contraceptive overdose is uncomfortable, but not fatal.
Why did you take them? My tits, OK? They're not They're too small.
ls that why you asked me for birth control tablets? Think the oestrogen'd make your breasts grow? Theresa got tits when she was 12.
Not fair.
Probably isn't fair, but nothing you can do about it.
Your body develops at its own rate.
Um go home and keep warm.
The nausea will pass in 12 hours or so.
They pick on me all the time.
They're horrible.
[sighs.]
- Who? - My friends.
[sniffs.]
Uh - Oh.
Uh - [sobbing.]
Uh sit down now.
Um Shush.
Hiya.
l'm back.
- So how was it? - Yeah, yeah.
Good.
Um, was it scary with the blood? - Do you have your peppermints? - Um, yeah.
Thank you.
- l'm back.
- Yes.
Get out of my chair.
l think that'll solve your problem.
- What is it? - ldrathernotsay.
- ls it illegal? - lt hasn't been clinically tested.
So l'm, like, part of a trial? - Hmm.
- These'll give me tits? Um, if you take one once a week, and only one.
- Oh, my God.
- Provided you take regular exercise and eat well, don't smoke or drink, your breasts will develop.
- How long for? - Until you finish the course.
- Shall l take one now? - Yes.
Put it under your tongue.
Let it dissolve.
lt tastes like peppermint.
That's correct.
Yes.
Everyone here got sick.
lt was Bert's place that did it.
[Mandie.]
Thank you, Doc.
- All right.
- Hi.
[phone rings.]
Dr Ellingham's Surgery.
Yes, hello, l was gonna call you.
Um, as of yesterday evening, l'm a fully certified phlebotomist.
And as such, l'll be the interface between your laboratory and our surgery in all blood-related matters in the Portwenn area.
- That for me? - My [Martin.]
Ellingham.
No, l think your laboratory's made a mistake.
Are you sure? l know what Norwalk virus is.
Don't lecture me.
l'll call them back.
[Mick.]
You doing all right? Oh, no.
l'm just off to see the bank manager.
Here.
This jacket is probably older than he is.
l'm gonna tell him we need a bit more leeway than anticipated.
Good.
'Cause you're gonna have to pay me on Friday, aren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah.
l said l would, and l'm a man of my word.
Wish me luck.
[gasping.]
l know, Doc.
Don't tell me it's a heart attack, right? Stop talking, Bert.
You'll interfere with the ECG.
Al lost his mother.
lf l go, he'll be an orphan.
Al will manage.
He's six foot tall and 25 years old.
He's only five-foot-eight, and he's still a teenager in my eyes.
He's not like me, Doc.
He's not wise to the ways of the world.
There are two ways we can determine whether you're having a heart attack.
You can shut up and let me do the ECG, or prattle on and we'll see if you die.
Thank you.
What are you still hanging around for? Oh.
Well, my mum said she'd come and collect me, so What have you done to my appointments page? Oh, right.
Yeah, l changed it a bit.
- Why'd you do that then? - 'Cause it's better, isn't it? - And prettier, and my mum says - Can l have a cup of tea, please? Yeah.
[rattling.]
Pauline! Did you experience any tightening in the chest? Yes, and nausea and tingling and rapid pulse.
- Disorientation? - Yes, all of those.
- So it was a heart attack.
- lt wasn't a heart attack.
We can assume you suffered from a panic attack.
No, l felt it, Doc.
l didn't panic.
Symptoms of an extreme panic attack are similar to a heart attack.
- Ow! lt was real, Doc.
- Bert, you did not have a heart attack.
Good.
Ow! Ow! Ow! [sighs.]
Ow! ls that good, Doc? - lt's gotta be good.
- Anything you could be stressing about? No.
l can't think of a single thing.
Well, let me see.
My life savings are being eaten into by an empty restaurant that's been shut down by the local quack.
Apart from that, no.
l mean, my life is fine.
Right.
Well, l prescribed you some medication in case it happens again.
l spoke to the laboratory.
lt seems the outbreak was caused by a viral rather than bacterial infection as l'd first assumed.
- What does that mean? - lt's worse than l suspected.
This particular virus is spread through the ingestion of faecal matter.
- Faecal matter, isn't that? - Yes.
You've somehow managed to feed your customers untreated sewage.
- But l - [door opens.]
Pauline, l'm in the middle of a consultation.
l know, Doc.
l know.
Please calm down.
We have an emergency in the kitchen.
And l really need Bert here to come and have a look right away.
What you've got here [sniffs.]
Oh! is a classical case of waste pipe pump backup.
- What does that mean? - You've been washing dishes with water that's already been elsewhere.
- What does that mean? - Water from the toilet has been getting into the dishwasher.
[all groaning.]
You're looking at the end result of a pressure build-up in the system.
Oh, l don't believe it, Poppy.
You've only been giving patients cups washed in poo water.
ls this what you call faecal matter, Doc? - Yes.
- And what cowboy did you get - to do this extreme plumbing? - [gurgling.]
Well, l l clearly followed the instructions.
The, uh, pipes must have become confused.
[laughs.]
Confused? And you a surgeon and everything.
l wasted valuable time trying to find the cause of an illness, when l just needed to ask the weedy girl behind the desk why she'd taken it upon herself to give everyone a cup of tea! - Because Pauline said to.
- No, l didn't.
Don't be too hard on her, Doc.
- She's not very experienced.
- [door slams.]
Oh! Where've you been? Sister's finished with the training bra, - wants to give it to you.
- At least l don't have Dumbo ears.
Actually, they're more like satellite dishes, isn't it? - Are ya? - What? l'm gonna go down the beach and watch the surfers.
Come on, girls, l'm going.
Hi, Martin.
- Louisa.
- Whatever you gave me did the trick.
- l feel great now.
- Oh, good.
Good.
The man from Weybridge Electric fixed my cooker.
So l guess we should reschedule that dinner date.
- Wednesday? - Thursday.
- Thursday? - Thursday, great.
- 6.
30? - 6.
30, yeah.
- Observing your carbohydrate curfew.
- That's right.
Yes.
See you.
- Oh, God.
Go away.
Just go away.
[dog whimpers, growls.]
[barking.]
Oh! Evening, Doc.
Here.
Try one of these.
They're a day old, but don't taste it.
The secret is in the cream.
lt's fake.
No.
Bert, l need you to do something for me.
Oh, for you, Doc, no problem.
Table for two, is it? What time? - No.
- For you and Miss Glasson? - l said no.
- Oh, come on, Doc.
You gotta come.
lf it wasn't for you telling me to make some life changes, - l wouldn't be here.
- l meant exercise and change your diet, not open a restaurant.
Before you kill yourself with a heart attack, come to the surgery and fit in my dishwasher.
Oh, you're gonna need a plumber for that, Doc.
- You are a plumber.
- [chuckles.]
No can do.
No.
l've hung up my dungarees and monkey wrench for good.
No.
Now l am in the hospitality trade.
- Oh, it's good to run into you - l meant to - lt's all right, after you.
- No, you first.
- No, after you.
- l'm eating plenty of dried fruit, - for the iron, like you said.
- You're coming in for a blood test? Yeah, back again.
People will think l got anaemia to spend time with you.
No, they won't.
lt's been a bit tricky to eat properly.
l've been living out the microwave.
l've been waiting for my new cooker from Weybridge Electric.
Yes.
They delivered my new dishwasher the same day.
Yes, he said.
He said he'd, uh, met you.
- So Bert's opening tomorrow night.
- Yes.
- You going? - God, no.
No, me neither.
Busy, are you? - No.
- No.
No, me neither.
Right.
Bye then.
[Martin.]
Hmm.
Why don't you come to my place for dinner? - What? To your house? - Yes.
Tomorrow.
l haven't used my cooker, and l thought that - Yes.
- Great.
- Good.
- Tomorrow then.
- Tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- Above all, the most important thing - Patient care.
Patient care, yes.
- What is patient care again? - Tea and coffee! - Offer them as soon as they come in.
- Tea and coffee.
Of course! When l worked for Dr Simm, the kettle was always on.
l know this position's only temporary at the moment, but we play our cards right, - it could be permanent.
- What if the doc's as bad as You know.
They say he made the bin man cry.
Oh, you'll be fine.
You're early.
Better five years early than one minute late.
[chuckles.]
- Did you brush your teeth this morning? - Yes, Mum.
Here's peppermints, just in case.
Now, l'm only gonna be gone a couple of days.
- That's a long time in medicine.
- Yes, it is.
l'm doing a phlebotomy course.
That means blood and stuff.
So when l get back, l'll be in charge of taking blood 'cause of the doc's phobia.
That means fear and stuff.
She's nervous.
lt's her first real job, isn't it, Poppy? - Yeah.
- Apart from selling shells.
- Shh, Mum.
- Although no one bought them, 'cause she was standing by the beach.
[laughs.]
Aw.
- She was only seven.
- l'll show you where everything is.
- Bye.
- Maybe l'll stay till she's settled.
- Oh, no need.
- No, Mum.
Well, uh, can l just have a cup of tea? OK, but then you go home.
Stay.
So this is the consulting room.
This is the kitchen.
This is the Doc in the kitchen plumbing his new dishwasher.
This is the kettle.
So why don't l leave you two to get to know each other.
Uh, what's your name? - [mother.]
Poppy! - Right.
- You're too young to be reading that.
- l'm the same age as you.
This is where l keep the patients' records.
This folder is for addresses - and this one is for prescriptions.
- But what if you put each patient's - stuff in the same folder? - Everything'd be in the same place.
- Yeah, but if - l'll be OK now, Mum.
You run along.
l've got an importantjob for Poppy.
OK, then.
Well, good luck.
[whispers.]
Don't forget your peppermints.
So, what do you want me to do? Go and get me a biscuit.
Michael Mabley.
You cornered me in the Wendy House and made me kiss you.
lt's me, Pauline.
- Pauline - You remember me.
- No.
- l thought you moved to Bristol.
- What are you doing here? - l need to see the doctor.
[laughs.]
No.
l meant back in Portwenn, silly.
lt's personal.
May l see the doctor now, please? - lf you could just - Fill in this form.
- And - And take a seat.
l'll see what l can do.
- Who's next? - Um, she is.
Mandie Jordan! l was thinking, maybe, if l gave the patients their files to give to you, you won't have to keep coming out.
[Pauline snorts.]
Um, l just thought it was a good idea.
That's all.
- lt is a good idea.
- Really? You really think so? Mmm.
Go through.
Bye then, Doc.
See you soon.
Should l get the patients a cup of tea or coffee then? Yes.
The doc likes everyone to have hot drinks.
Lots of them.
- Patient care.
- That's it.
Well done, Poppy.
Get that kettle on.
Right.
- Who wants a nice cup of tea? - [door closes.]
l want the morning-after pill.
- When did you have intercourse? - l haven't.
- Why do you want the pill? - l'm planning to do it one day.
- You want the contraceptive pill.
- Right.
- So give me that then.
- No.
You're 15.
lt's against the law.
- You're a child.
- l'm 16 in two months.
- Come back then.
- l want the pill now! You are too young to have sex.
Now leave.
Dickhead.
l'll just go somewhere else then, won't l? [Martin.]
Next patient.
lf you can just go in now, Mr Mabley.
And take that with you.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God, that guy was so yum.
- Gorgeous.
- Completely.
- Yeah.
- You know who he was looking at? - He doesn't fancy you.
He was staring at you wondering where your tits were.
[girls laughing.]
- You gonna cry now? - Work.
- [Martin.]
What's your address? - l'm on the move at the moment.
OK.
Sit on the end of the couch, please.
Let's have a look at the wound.
- How did this happen? - ltjust happened.
- How? - l was stabbed.
- How long ago? - Ten days.
- Has a doctor seen it? - No.
Risk of bacteraemia and septicaemia.
Why didn't you have it checked - when it happened? - Was in prison.
l'd have missed parole.
- Hmm.
What did you do? - l got stabbed.
All right, l'll take some blood, start you on antibiotics.
ln the meantime, l'll clean the wound.
You know, Doc, it's not the sort of thing l want getting out.
People talk.
Patient confidentiality extends even to parolees.
- [door opens.]
- [birds squawking.]
- Oh! What, no Pauline today? - She's gone on her course.
- Can l help? - Louisa Glasson.
l'm a bit late.
- Sorry.
- Someone's taken your spot.
- So you'll have to wait.
Sorry.
- Oh, right.
- Tea? - Tea? Mmm.
She makes a good cup of tea, the new girl.
l can't believe l'm anaemic.
l feel like such a teenager.
You're doing all the right things.
You may feel tired, have difficulty fighting infections and so on.
So tonight, 7.
00 then.
Um, l'd rather not eat after 6.
30.
Oh.
6.
30, that's early.
Mmm.
lt keeps me awake.
Well, 6.
00 is fine.
l'll just move everything forward an hour.
- lt's not a problem.
- Good.
[clears throat.]
Did you realise this was a doctor's surgery? lf you want to work in a tea room, l'm sure it can be arranged.
Did l make myself clear? We don't serve tea.
Next patient, please.
- Do something with it.
- You're not the boss.
Well, actually, yeah, l am.
Bert made me chef.
Chop half a dozen of these.
See if you can keep your acrylics out of them.
- Bert around? - [gasps.]
Oh, don't do that.
- Don't look like it, does it? - Heard he might be hiring.
- l'm a cook.
- So am l.
l'm Mick.
Just in case anything comes up.
Wouldn't say no to him.
- Onions.
- Right.
Onions.
Yeah.
[up-tempo music playing.]
Oh! [clears throat.]
[music continues to play.]
- [electric fizzling.]
- [music stops.]
Bugger! All right, big tits? [laughs.]
- Give me a drink.
- Go get your own.
Bet you don't know what this is.
Your plastic surgeon's number for your boob job? lt's that hot guy from the Doc's.
- He wants to take me out.
- Liar.
-[dialling.]
- Hey! lt's probably your gram.
[ringing.]
[phone ringing.]
Yep? Hello? - Well, go on then.
- Who is this? Hello? - What'd you do that for? - l want some privacy, don't l? You're pathetic.
He didn't give you his number, did he? Come on.
See you later, stalker.
- Yeah, stalker.
- [girls laughing.]
[girls laughing.]
Doctor has to go and see Miss Glasson after school.
- Must've done something really naughty.
- Or maybe he's about to! Hello.
There's no electricity.
The fuse thingy keeps tripping.
Ah.
Oh, right.
Well, l could, uh, take a look at that for you, if you'd like.
l brought you these.
- Oh.
Thank you, Martin.
- They're yams.
Rich source of iron.
Um - Well, l'll just put these in water.
- Do you know where your fuse box is? - The cooker's done it.
Over there.
- Under the stairs.
Covered by this area.
- [music starts playing.]
- That's done it.
- The main switch was tripped.
- Yeah.
l know.
Like l said, there's something wrong with the new cooker.
Look at that.
- [shouts.]
- Martin! Bugger! Ah! - There's a fault with your cooker.
- l know! You need an electrician.
- l know.
- Don't touch it.
- Thanks.
Are you all right? - Yes, l'm fine.
Thanks.
l'm really very sorry.
You know, l've been working on this all day.
l wanted it to be perfect, and it's absolutely ruined.
Smells like it would have been very nice had it been, uh, fully cooked.
Right.
Uh We could always go to Bert's.
When you get down to it, there's not much to choose between plumbing and dining.
lt's all to do with pipes, isn't it? Although in this case, a bit of rumbling in the tum isn't such a bad thing to hear.
Now, Mandie, your wait person, will be right over to take your pud order.
And as they say abroad, ''Enjoy''.
Right, uh, the scallops.
They're very fresh.
They're nice.
You'll like them.
Hey, it's filling up out there.
You gotta look sharp, Theresa.
Chop chop.
Can l borrow some of your lip gloss? lt's missing something.
Oh, l know.
You know, the secret of this, love, is in the seasoning.
- l've done it.
- What? l've already done it.
Stop it! [Bert.]
Watch.
You always need a little bit more than you think.
[Theresa.]
Get off.
l'll do it.
- [gasping.]
- What's the matter? Nothing.
lt's just butterflies.
You've gotta step it up a notch, girls! Come on! - This looks nice, doesn't it? - No.
Well Evening, Doctor.
So how's my Poppy on her first day? Uh adequate.
Sort of.
Doc! Louisa.
This way, please.
l've got a lovely sea view for you.
- Oh, thanks.
- Here we are.
[laughs.]
You had me going there, Doc, when you said you might not come tonight.
l mean, you're quite the joker, aren't you? When it comes down to it, there's not much to choose between plumbing and dining.
lt's all to do with the rumbling in the pipes.
[laughs.]
- What do you mean? - You know, the rumbling in the tum.
You know, like an air block.
- Borborygmi.
- Excuse me? The sound your stomach makes.
lt's called borborygmi.
lt's due to contractions in the bowel.
- Drink, Louisa? - Yeah.
Uh, glass of white wine, please.
- White wine.
And Doc? - Uh, water.
Bottled.
Bottled.
Excuse me.
All right, let's, um Chop quicker.
Let me show you.
Bert! l have worked in a restaurant before.
- The doctor and teacher want the salad.
- Two salad à la maison, chef.
And the steak medium and the fish specialty for the other table.
Whoops.
Table six wanted to know if you were chasing the lizzie carol down the lane.
Oh! l'm reading a really great book at the moment.
What was it called? Oh, you know, it's up for all the big prizes at the moment.
- Two salads.
- Oh, thanks.
l've just finished a study of cutaneous diphtheria and the treatment of infected skin ulcers.
Mmm.
Dermatological Society's book of the year.
Hmm.
- Fingers in my Pockets.
- l beg your pardon.
My book.
lt's called Fingers in my Pockets.
Right.
[gagging.]
- Oh, God! - Martin! Martin! - [indistinct chatter.]
- Martin.
lt's OK, Doc, everything's under control.
You go back and sit down.
There's blood on my plate! This girl.
Not too handy with the cleaver.
- Excuse me.
- There's blood on my plate! - Oh, God! - Oh.
OK, Doc, look.
Just go and sit down.
l know you're not too good with this sort of thing.
l'll bring a fresh salad directly, right? - You mop the rest of this blood up.
- Where's your first-aid box? Do you have a first-aid box? Do you know about kitchen hygiene? - Yes.
l've nearly got an NVQ, actually.
- What, in poisoning people? - l so do not need this right now.
- This kitchen is disgusting! l've fed myself for years.
l haven't killed myself.
Explain that to the health inspector.
'Ere, Doc.
Doc! Doc, calm down! lt's just a little mess.
l'll have it cleaned up in no time.
- [Louisa.]
What's going on? - There was blood in my salad.
- What? Blood? - [gasping.]
lt's all right.
lt's just a little mix-up.
- Everything is fine, all right? - Bert! l quit! l can't work in these conditions.
Ow.
- Doc, this really hurts.
- You better get going quick.
Come with me.
[clears throat.]
Goodbye.
Louisa! Where are you going? l'm sorry, Bert.
l've rather lost my appetite.
All right, who wants a free glass of wine then? - What's going on, Bert? - Nothing to worry about, Joe.
l'll be the judge of that.
Just seen a member of the public distressed - with some sort of flesh wound.
- Sit down and have a glass of wine - for Pete's sake.
- Got a license for serving that? Of course this place has got a license.
lt always has had.
The license comes with the proprietor, not the premises.
You carry on serving alcohol, you're breaking the law.
l didn't know that.
You're late.
l've got a bit of a funny tummy, actually.
Couldn't keep my breakfast down.
- Good morning, Bert.
- What are you doing here? - l work here, don't l? - l don't have a drinks license.
No one eats where they can't drink.
Even if they did, there's no one to do the food, so no, you don't work here no more.
- What's that then? - You need a cook.
He's a friend of mine.
He's a really good cook.
- lt's a bit late for that.
- l'll call him for you.
[groans.]
You'd better go home.
Drink plenty of water.
And, uh, l'll need a stool sample.
- Do you know what a stool sample is? - ln there? Yes, of course, in there.
But why would you need a sample of that if l'm being sick? l'm a doctor.
lt's what we do.
What are you waiting for? - Mr Large? - Who wants to know? Mick Mabley.
- l went to school with Al.
- Oh.
Last time l saw you, you were riding a BMX bike through my veg patch.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, your girl Mandie called, said you needed a cook.
- Mmm.
- l've got experience.
Worked all over the place.
l could fill in while you find someone.
The thing is, l don't have a drinks license at the moment.
So have people bring their own until you get one.
- Charge corkage.
- Corkage? Make them pay to bring their own booze, like they do on the Continent.
Next.
Next.
Oh, good.
Take this girl home.
Actually, l'm not feeling too good.
Wait your turn.
Who's next? Mrs Poosty? - That's me.
l've been awful sick, Doc.
- You're not the only one.
Who else has been vomiting? What is it with you people? This always happens.
lf one of you gets it, you all get it.
Athlete's foot would spread like the plague.
- Did you wash your hands? - No.
Oh, well, goodness gracious! Maybe there's a link! lf you all just observed the simplest of personal hygiene routines, we'd all be spared this.
Go and wash your hands.
- Like living in a village of lemmings.
- Hold on there, Dr Ellingham.
We've had a chat about this, and think we know where it comes from.
Oh, do you? Enlighten me.
We were all at Bert's restaurant, same as you.
[all.]
Yes.
- Bert.
- Doc! - Excuse me.
- l have treated seven cases of nausea this morning, all ate here last night.
- Keep it down.
- Not content with laying low half of Portwenn, you've started on visitors.
lf it wasn't for your performance, l'd have locals.
- l want you to close this restaurant.
- Come into the kitchen.
l put everything l've got into this.
You're putting something into it making people ill.
[Bert.]
l've eaten here and l'm perfectly fine! [Martin.]
You've spent your life with your arm down a lavatory.
You've built up resistance to certain bacteria.
The point l'm trying to make is you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur.
See? This is my new chef.
Bob a job knows all about hygiene and stuff.
This is Mick Mabley.
Yes, we've met.
A quick tidy up isn't gonna do it, Bert.
You still don't have required safety measures.
Where's your first-aid box? Behind you.
[Bert.]
Everything's ship-shape and old-fashioned, Doc.
Health and safety and food hygiene certificate's in the folder there.
- Right.
That's the end of it.
- [cell phone rings.]
Excuse me.
Hello? Yes.
Oh, you had? Oh.
Have you taken anything? OK.
You sit tight and l'll be right there.
- Hi.
- That was quick.
l only really needed some advice.
l didn't need a home visit.
[panting.]
l was around the corner.
Well, thanks.
Come in.
Sorry.
Sorry about the mess.
Thank you.
l'll, uh, just wash my hands.
[sighs.]
Martin.
Have you found a towel? Uh, yes.
[clears throat.]
Yeah, come in, Martin.
Oh, uh, Martin, you've, uh - lt's my bra.
- What? - My bra.
Sorry, it's just it's - Oh! - Sorry, l don't know May l? - Yeah, please.
All right.
And, um, what are your symptoms? Well, just vomiting.
l just feel so rotten.
Your anaemia will probably make you feel worse than, uh, the other patients.
l've seen seven people, similar cases today.
When we were at Bert's last night, did you eat anything? Just a few mouthfuls of salad, that's all.
Salad's potentially more dangerous than cooked foods.
- The heat kills off the bacteria.
- Mmm.
-[beeping.]
- Um, just Yeah, keep drinking plenty of fluids.
l'll give you something to replace the salts Times like this you wish your mum would bring you some toast.
Well, l could make you some toast.
Oh, no, thanks.
- Louisa, l - Yes? l'm going to need a stool sample.
Hmm.
- Oh.
Dr Ellingham.
- Mrs Tishell.
l'd like my package and some more rehydration salts.
l have your package right here.
And l just wanted to say, Doctor, that l know there are some people in this village who might not appreciate a firm hand, but l think that you are handling the whole sorry situation of the sickness from that restaurant very well.
- And the rehydration salts, please? - Yes, Doctor.
lt must be hard to be the voice of reason amidst a sea of dissenters.
- We, in the medical profession - That'll be all.
Put it on my account.
l could just eat him with a spoon.
Late, l know.
You don't have to go on about it.
Yeah.
Mick's just taught me how to make perfect scrambled eggs.
Now, if this isn't the best scrambled eggs you ever had, l'll put your mini skirt on and run through the village.
- lt's not cooked.
- Of course it's not.
That's the point.
lt's meant to be runny.
Here, try again.
Thought we had an understanding, Bert.
Back here is my area.
You're out front.
Excuse me.
l'll be out front.
So how are you settling into the village then? Don't plan on staying long.
l'll show you around the fun parts, if you like.
Don't need a kid to show me where the playground is.
Why aren't these in the fridge? - Um, l'm sorry for being ill.
- Go home, Poppy.
l'm fine now.
And Mum says l should battle on like a professional.
l don't need you here today.
ls it my breath? Um Sorry.
Um, is it still a bit sicky? - Pauline's coming back today.
- Oh.
- Um, Mum said l should be here.
- Good for your mum.
Ow! Ow! - Surgery isn't open yet.
- l think l'm gonna die.
Morning, Bert.
Finished my course.
Got my certificate and everything.
Wanna see it? - Oh! That's great, isn't it, girl? - [chuckles.]
- Got any blood you want taken? - [both chuckle.]
So anything happening here whilst l've been in Truro? Oh, how was the big opening night? Bet it was great, wasn't it? Why don't you ask the doc, eh? l'm sure he'll tell you all about it.
Now, if you don't mind, l've got a bit of work to do.
Excuse me.
No.
You're not dying.
lt's food poisoning.
You're the ninth person l've treated who's eaten food from Bert's restaurant.
- l know l am dying.
- l know you're not.
- You don't know anything.
- Oh.
l took Theresa's pills.
- What pills? - You know, the ''pill'' pills.
How many? All of them.
l've done something terrible to my insides, haven't l? Uh, no, contraceptive overdose is uncomfortable, but not fatal.
Why did you take them? My tits, OK? They're not They're too small.
ls that why you asked me for birth control tablets? Think the oestrogen'd make your breasts grow? Theresa got tits when she was 12.
Not fair.
Probably isn't fair, but nothing you can do about it.
Your body develops at its own rate.
Um go home and keep warm.
The nausea will pass in 12 hours or so.
They pick on me all the time.
They're horrible.
[sighs.]
- Who? - My friends.
[sniffs.]
Uh - Oh.
Uh - [sobbing.]
Uh sit down now.
Um Shush.
Hiya.
l'm back.
- So how was it? - Yeah, yeah.
Good.
Um, was it scary with the blood? - Do you have your peppermints? - Um, yeah.
Thank you.
- l'm back.
- Yes.
Get out of my chair.
l think that'll solve your problem.
- What is it? - ldrathernotsay.
- ls it illegal? - lt hasn't been clinically tested.
So l'm, like, part of a trial? - Hmm.
- These'll give me tits? Um, if you take one once a week, and only one.
- Oh, my God.
- Provided you take regular exercise and eat well, don't smoke or drink, your breasts will develop.
- How long for? - Until you finish the course.
- Shall l take one now? - Yes.
Put it under your tongue.
Let it dissolve.
lt tastes like peppermint.
That's correct.
Yes.
Everyone here got sick.
lt was Bert's place that did it.
[Mandie.]
Thank you, Doc.
- All right.
- Hi.
[phone rings.]
Dr Ellingham's Surgery.
Yes, hello, l was gonna call you.
Um, as of yesterday evening, l'm a fully certified phlebotomist.
And as such, l'll be the interface between your laboratory and our surgery in all blood-related matters in the Portwenn area.
- That for me? - My [Martin.]
Ellingham.
No, l think your laboratory's made a mistake.
Are you sure? l know what Norwalk virus is.
Don't lecture me.
l'll call them back.
[Mick.]
You doing all right? Oh, no.
l'm just off to see the bank manager.
Here.
This jacket is probably older than he is.
l'm gonna tell him we need a bit more leeway than anticipated.
Good.
'Cause you're gonna have to pay me on Friday, aren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah.
l said l would, and l'm a man of my word.
Wish me luck.
[gasping.]
l know, Doc.
Don't tell me it's a heart attack, right? Stop talking, Bert.
You'll interfere with the ECG.
Al lost his mother.
lf l go, he'll be an orphan.
Al will manage.
He's six foot tall and 25 years old.
He's only five-foot-eight, and he's still a teenager in my eyes.
He's not like me, Doc.
He's not wise to the ways of the world.
There are two ways we can determine whether you're having a heart attack.
You can shut up and let me do the ECG, or prattle on and we'll see if you die.
Thank you.
What are you still hanging around for? Oh.
Well, my mum said she'd come and collect me, so What have you done to my appointments page? Oh, right.
Yeah, l changed it a bit.
- Why'd you do that then? - 'Cause it's better, isn't it? - And prettier, and my mum says - Can l have a cup of tea, please? Yeah.
[rattling.]
Pauline! Did you experience any tightening in the chest? Yes, and nausea and tingling and rapid pulse.
- Disorientation? - Yes, all of those.
- So it was a heart attack.
- lt wasn't a heart attack.
We can assume you suffered from a panic attack.
No, l felt it, Doc.
l didn't panic.
Symptoms of an extreme panic attack are similar to a heart attack.
- Ow! lt was real, Doc.
- Bert, you did not have a heart attack.
Good.
Ow! Ow! Ow! [sighs.]
Ow! ls that good, Doc? - lt's gotta be good.
- Anything you could be stressing about? No.
l can't think of a single thing.
Well, let me see.
My life savings are being eaten into by an empty restaurant that's been shut down by the local quack.
Apart from that, no.
l mean, my life is fine.
Right.
Well, l prescribed you some medication in case it happens again.
l spoke to the laboratory.
lt seems the outbreak was caused by a viral rather than bacterial infection as l'd first assumed.
- What does that mean? - lt's worse than l suspected.
This particular virus is spread through the ingestion of faecal matter.
- Faecal matter, isn't that? - Yes.
You've somehow managed to feed your customers untreated sewage.
- But l - [door opens.]
Pauline, l'm in the middle of a consultation.
l know, Doc.
l know.
Please calm down.
We have an emergency in the kitchen.
And l really need Bert here to come and have a look right away.
What you've got here [sniffs.]
Oh! is a classical case of waste pipe pump backup.
- What does that mean? - You've been washing dishes with water that's already been elsewhere.
- What does that mean? - Water from the toilet has been getting into the dishwasher.
[all groaning.]
You're looking at the end result of a pressure build-up in the system.
Oh, l don't believe it, Poppy.
You've only been giving patients cups washed in poo water.
ls this what you call faecal matter, Doc? - Yes.
- And what cowboy did you get - to do this extreme plumbing? - [gurgling.]
Well, l l clearly followed the instructions.
The, uh, pipes must have become confused.
[laughs.]
Confused? And you a surgeon and everything.
l wasted valuable time trying to find the cause of an illness, when l just needed to ask the weedy girl behind the desk why she'd taken it upon herself to give everyone a cup of tea! - Because Pauline said to.
- No, l didn't.
Don't be too hard on her, Doc.
- She's not very experienced.
- [door slams.]
Oh! Where've you been? Sister's finished with the training bra, - wants to give it to you.
- At least l don't have Dumbo ears.
Actually, they're more like satellite dishes, isn't it? - Are ya? - What? l'm gonna go down the beach and watch the surfers.
Come on, girls, l'm going.
Hi, Martin.
- Louisa.
- Whatever you gave me did the trick.
- l feel great now.
- Oh, good.
Good.
The man from Weybridge Electric fixed my cooker.
So l guess we should reschedule that dinner date.
- Wednesday? - Thursday.
- Thursday? - Thursday, great.
- 6.
30? - 6.
30, yeah.
- Observing your carbohydrate curfew.
- That's right.
Yes.
See you.