Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s03e02 Episode Script
Doogie Has Left the Building (1)
That? That's nothing.
Just an imperfection in the weave.
Imperfection? It looks like someone murdered a poodle here.
That's a bad one.
Right in the middle of the room.
Probably needs professional cleaning.
Yeah.
I'm glad you agree.
When you boys move in, feel free to clean anything you want.
I was afraid there'd be no-cleaning clauses in the lease.
Ahem.
Would you excuse us, please? He's cranky.
It's his first apartment.
Time to remind you of the sacred dream.
There's no refrigerator.
A dream we've held deep in our hearts since we were 7.
What was that dream, doog? When we turned 18, we'd move out and become roommates.
That's right.
The dream lives, doog, for a measly 900 bucks a month.
Measly? O.
K.
Uh, Mr.
Jenkins, what's the bottom line here? O.
K.
Doog.
That's first and last month's rent, $1,000 security You got your cleaning fee, your key deposit, your mailbox key deposit, deposit for the garage opener Want cable? Sure.
O.
K Total move-in cost, $3,200.
What? You wanted cable.
$3,200? No.
No.
Vinnie, let's go.
Forget it.
Whoo! Whoo! Where do I sign? Mom, dad, as you know, I'm 18 now.
And I've come into control of my money.
So, for all intents and purposes legally, financially, and emotionally, I am an adult.
I've decided that I'm moving into an apartment with Vinnie.
What are you, nuts? What are you trying to do, kill your mother and me? Here.
Wait.
Here.
Take this knife.
Stick it in our back.
Twist it in our heart.
You're doing your parents, not mine.
My parents, your parents.
Parents are parents.
Let me handle this.
This situation requires a certain degree of diplomacy.
They have to be eased into this.
Hi, doogie.
Hi, son.
Vinnie staying for supper? Sure.
Guess what.
Me and doogie are getting an apartment together.
Go on, doog.
You tell them.
Is that correct, Douglas? As you know, I'm 18 now, and, um Yeah.
Well, I can't say that I'm completely surprised Although I am.
Completely.
David? Uh, well, yes, um Have you thought through all of the financial details? Yeah, sure.
We picked out checks and everything The changing seasons.
Since it's Southern California, they'll all look exactly the same.
Your checks? Since I have a job, and I'm making money, I've agreed to pay 80% of the cost.
I'll pick up the actual 20.
No sweat.
Your standard 80/20 split.
Exactly.
Of course I'll be providing the more service-oriented contributions Cleaning, interior decoration, maybe it's just me, but isn't there something inherently flawed about this arrangement? It's just you, Dr.
h.
Look, I'm 18.
It's time to leave the nest.
This isn't a big deal.
Kids my age move out to go to school.
Well, we'll think about it, son.
Where is the hot mustard? Dad, I don't think you understand.
I'm not asking.
I'm telling you.
What is it exactly that you're telling us? That I've already signed the lease.
Doogie Happy new apartment.
A ch-chia pet, and it's already sprouting.
Can you save it for me? When's operation party till we drop? We move in tomorrow.
I'd like to help you move, but I'll be washing my hair.
Dr.
howser.
Yeah.
Oh.
The Stevens boy.
That's a pretty car.
What kind is it? His father got it for him.
They both love sports cars.
Hey, hot car.
Ferrari? Testarossa.
Why don't we take it for a test drive down to the cafeteria? There's a frozen yogurt machine.
Bye.
We have the test results on the potential bone marrow donors.
There were no matches? No Not in the immediate family.
I'm sorry.
Now what? We go to the computer bank.
Look for a donor there.
My son's dying of leukemia, and you're giving him a 20,000-to-1 shot? Is that your best? Look, I know this is hard, but we're just going to have to wait this one out.
I can't do it, doog.
I need water, oxygen.
I need big, burly men.
Burly men cost money.
Work with me.
Come on.
Push.
Last time.
Push! Push! Ah-ah-ah! Watch the paint! Well Congratulations, Mr.
delpino.
That's a 200-pound couch.
We were hoping for an ornament, but we'll love it all the same.
That's it.
We need to get going.
We've got to turn the truck in by 5:00.
It's funny, isn't it? Let's go.
What's that, mom? Oh, just how 18 years of wonderful childhood memories can be crated and carried out in just under two hours.
We could've done it in one hour.
That couch slowed us down.
Mom, everything's going to be o.
K.
Oh, I'm not really worried.
I'm just a teeny bit concerned about the little everyday things that can happen.
Mrs.
Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.
Well, we better get going.
My mom cried like a baby when I said goodbye.
Oddly, my father did not.
Maybe you should start the truck, Vinnie.
Oh, yeah.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
We're going to miss you.
Miss you.
Well Bye.
Doogie Do you have a strainer? No.
We don't need a str Oh, thanks, mom.
Now we can Strain stuff.
Just stay within your budget, son.
Write everything down.
Get yourself a notebook.
Dad, will you stop worrying? Nothing's going to happen.
I hereby order the father of the defendant to pay for all outstanding debts incurred during the wild spending spree of his son, whom he should've never allowed to move into his apartment.
A grand total of $1,250,000 and 29 cents.
Do you Take mastercharge? Bye.
Well, doog, we finally made it.
The end of the rainbow.
The moment of all moments.
Liberation.
Liberation.
Oh.
Geez.
Doog, your mother gave us this couch.
Doog, wipe, wipe.
Your mother's gonna k Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting to do this? What? Oh.
Putting your feet on your mother's couch.
You are so bad.
They can't stop us now.
No one can.
We're free.
Free.
Free! Hey! Look, ma! I'm bouncing a ball in the living room.
No more coasters.
I'm making rings.
They're starting to form already.
Uh-oh.
It's past my bedtime.
I'm overtired and overstimulated.
Look.
What? Yeah? I'm leaning back at a very precarious angle.
What can I say? We're wild men.
We'll be the best roommates ever.
The sacred dream lives, doog.
Nothing can stop us now.
Whoa! Whoa! It's all yours, doog.
You're eating in the bathroom.
Yeah.
It saves time.
By combining my breakfast Please, no details.
I guess after all these years, there's still things we don't know about each other.
It kind of keeps the romance alive.
For instance, you're not a morning person, are you? You're unbelievable You bother me with your questions You have to tell no lies You're always asking what it's all about Don't listen to my replies The things you say Your private thoughts just give you away The things you say You're unbelievable Think we're alike It don't mean you can ask us Pushing down the reticent Bringing out your high self Think of the fine time Pushing down the better view Instead of bringing up just what-in-the-worlds Never think you have to brace yourself It takes a thief I know this world and what it seems It's unbelievable.
The things you say Your private thoughts just give you away The things you say You're so unbelievable You're unbelievable You're unbelievable This one roommate used to eat standing on the scale to see if her weight would go up.
Did you ever just weigh your head? Neither did I.
I just heard about it.
Maybe I'm just not used to living with anyone.
Or maybe Vinnie's been sent from hell.
Kind of late for you, Katherine.
Mrs.
Stevens went into labor.
I've been sitting with them.
They're going through a tough time.
Hmm.
Doogie? What if this new baby is a match? You can't take marrow from a baby until it's a month old.
Will won't live that long.
It's just so strange.
She's giving birth to one child while she's losing another.
What delivery room is she in? That's it, Diane.
You're doing great.
You're almost through.
I need the umbilical cord and placenta.
Any particular reason? I think I'm on to something.
You got it.
Deep breath now, Diane.
Essentially, the principle is identical to a bone marrow transplant.
But instead of replacing diseased marrow with donor marrow, we'll use cells from the blood of the umbilical and placenta to regenerate new bone marrow growth.
It looks good on paper.
I think we're jumping the gun.
There are more conservative options.
What are the risks? Rejection's the most serious.
And the patient must first undergo five days of chemotherapy and radiation, which kills off the leukemia cells.
And dangerously depletes bone marrow, forcing him to have the transfusion, correct? No one survives without adequate marrow.
How many times has this procedure been performed? Not many.
Never at eastman.
I'm not comfortable with that.
We need more studies and stats.
By then he'll be gone.
Dr.
brickman is a respected hem-oncologist.
I think we should listen.
I'd start him on another cycle of chemo.
He's had three cycles.
It's just not working.
Dr.
howser.
Then I'd try salvage therapy.
We could start him on ifosfamide or vp 16.
That could only achieve a short-term remission.
I'm going for a cure.
O.
K.
I sense we're divided, in which case it's my job to break the tie.
Do nothing.
This boy is going to suffer, and the outcome is dubious.
Unless a donor shows up, let's consider discontinuing treatment and letting him die with dignity.
Look, I had childhood leukemia, too.
I understand your role as a medical ethicist is to protect the rights of the patient.
But I would have gone through anything to live.
And I believe that will has the strength to face it, too.
He wants this chance.
What about costs? These are not wealthy people.
We'll dip into the teaching fund.
Dr.
howser, Dr.
Owens, I trust you'll present the parents with all the options discussed here in an objective and unbiased manner.
That's it? That's it.
What would you do? Well, it's, um Really your decision, not mine or Dr.
howser's.
We don't know what to do here.
Help us.
I'd go for it.
O.
K.
Aah! Cut! Cut! Way to go, bud.
You just ruined the shot.
Everybody back to one.
Vinnie.
Where's wardrobe? I'm right here.
Vinnie! Vinnie, I got to go.
I have a class.
Hi, doogie.
You owe me 20 bucks for the pizza.
Does she have a key? Grab those potholders, will you, doog? The kids needed a place to shoot their film So you volunteered my apartment? Our apartment.
Vinnie, I've really had a long day.
Ha! You've had a long day.
I've been cooking for an entire film crew.
Maybe I'm not being clear.
This is my apartment, too.
Yeah.
Look who's got the room with the door.
You resent that, don't you? I know you picked up a few of the bills A few? All the bills.
That's it, isn't it? It's the money.
You want me to get a factory job, sell my hair? Got any more sodas? Sure.
No.
Those are my sodas.
I bought them.
They're mine.
You shouldn't have done that.
That's it! Everybody out of here.
Leave quietly, and no one gets hurt.
Hey, those are mine.
That that's mine.
This is mine.
Anything edible or drinkable is mine.
That is mine, and this is mine, and this is mine, and these This is a very real moment.
This is great.
Get out of here! Get out of here! You're right.
New apartment, new school, new life.
Friends would've only gotten in the way.
You eat in the bathroom.
Oh, yeah? You floss in the living room.
You snore.
You talk in your sleep and use words I don't understand.
You're even arrogant in your sleep.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're loud, inconsiderate, obnoxious, immature.
You make disgusting noises when you eat, you and your girlfriend are in need of a muzzle, and you waste a tremendous amount of electricity.
You got major problems, howser.
I'm about to say goodbye to one of them.
I'm moving.
No, I'm moving out.
The sacred dream is dead, and you killed it.
Is that what smells? I thought it was your feet.
It's your door.
What? We moved in next door.
Do you have a hammer? Did you have a power failure? Uh, no.
Could you excuse us for one ever so brief shining moment? You want to make this work? I want to make this work.
We have to be sensitive.
I can be sensitive.
Hi, neighbors.
Hi.
Hi.
It's all yours, doog.
Hey, the sacred dream lives.
Just an imperfection in the weave.
Imperfection? It looks like someone murdered a poodle here.
That's a bad one.
Right in the middle of the room.
Probably needs professional cleaning.
Yeah.
I'm glad you agree.
When you boys move in, feel free to clean anything you want.
I was afraid there'd be no-cleaning clauses in the lease.
Ahem.
Would you excuse us, please? He's cranky.
It's his first apartment.
Time to remind you of the sacred dream.
There's no refrigerator.
A dream we've held deep in our hearts since we were 7.
What was that dream, doog? When we turned 18, we'd move out and become roommates.
That's right.
The dream lives, doog, for a measly 900 bucks a month.
Measly? O.
K.
Uh, Mr.
Jenkins, what's the bottom line here? O.
K.
Doog.
That's first and last month's rent, $1,000 security You got your cleaning fee, your key deposit, your mailbox key deposit, deposit for the garage opener Want cable? Sure.
O.
K Total move-in cost, $3,200.
What? You wanted cable.
$3,200? No.
No.
Vinnie, let's go.
Forget it.
Whoo! Whoo! Where do I sign? Mom, dad, as you know, I'm 18 now.
And I've come into control of my money.
So, for all intents and purposes legally, financially, and emotionally, I am an adult.
I've decided that I'm moving into an apartment with Vinnie.
What are you, nuts? What are you trying to do, kill your mother and me? Here.
Wait.
Here.
Take this knife.
Stick it in our back.
Twist it in our heart.
You're doing your parents, not mine.
My parents, your parents.
Parents are parents.
Let me handle this.
This situation requires a certain degree of diplomacy.
They have to be eased into this.
Hi, doogie.
Hi, son.
Vinnie staying for supper? Sure.
Guess what.
Me and doogie are getting an apartment together.
Go on, doog.
You tell them.
Is that correct, Douglas? As you know, I'm 18 now, and, um Yeah.
Well, I can't say that I'm completely surprised Although I am.
Completely.
David? Uh, well, yes, um Have you thought through all of the financial details? Yeah, sure.
We picked out checks and everything The changing seasons.
Since it's Southern California, they'll all look exactly the same.
Your checks? Since I have a job, and I'm making money, I've agreed to pay 80% of the cost.
I'll pick up the actual 20.
No sweat.
Your standard 80/20 split.
Exactly.
Of course I'll be providing the more service-oriented contributions Cleaning, interior decoration, maybe it's just me, but isn't there something inherently flawed about this arrangement? It's just you, Dr.
h.
Look, I'm 18.
It's time to leave the nest.
This isn't a big deal.
Kids my age move out to go to school.
Well, we'll think about it, son.
Where is the hot mustard? Dad, I don't think you understand.
I'm not asking.
I'm telling you.
What is it exactly that you're telling us? That I've already signed the lease.
Doogie Happy new apartment.
A ch-chia pet, and it's already sprouting.
Can you save it for me? When's operation party till we drop? We move in tomorrow.
I'd like to help you move, but I'll be washing my hair.
Dr.
howser.
Yeah.
Oh.
The Stevens boy.
That's a pretty car.
What kind is it? His father got it for him.
They both love sports cars.
Hey, hot car.
Ferrari? Testarossa.
Why don't we take it for a test drive down to the cafeteria? There's a frozen yogurt machine.
Bye.
We have the test results on the potential bone marrow donors.
There were no matches? No Not in the immediate family.
I'm sorry.
Now what? We go to the computer bank.
Look for a donor there.
My son's dying of leukemia, and you're giving him a 20,000-to-1 shot? Is that your best? Look, I know this is hard, but we're just going to have to wait this one out.
I can't do it, doog.
I need water, oxygen.
I need big, burly men.
Burly men cost money.
Work with me.
Come on.
Push.
Last time.
Push! Push! Ah-ah-ah! Watch the paint! Well Congratulations, Mr.
delpino.
That's a 200-pound couch.
We were hoping for an ornament, but we'll love it all the same.
That's it.
We need to get going.
We've got to turn the truck in by 5:00.
It's funny, isn't it? Let's go.
What's that, mom? Oh, just how 18 years of wonderful childhood memories can be crated and carried out in just under two hours.
We could've done it in one hour.
That couch slowed us down.
Mom, everything's going to be o.
K.
Oh, I'm not really worried.
I'm just a teeny bit concerned about the little everyday things that can happen.
Mrs.
Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.
Well, we better get going.
My mom cried like a baby when I said goodbye.
Oddly, my father did not.
Maybe you should start the truck, Vinnie.
Oh, yeah.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
We're going to miss you.
Miss you.
Well Bye.
Doogie Do you have a strainer? No.
We don't need a str Oh, thanks, mom.
Now we can Strain stuff.
Just stay within your budget, son.
Write everything down.
Get yourself a notebook.
Dad, will you stop worrying? Nothing's going to happen.
I hereby order the father of the defendant to pay for all outstanding debts incurred during the wild spending spree of his son, whom he should've never allowed to move into his apartment.
A grand total of $1,250,000 and 29 cents.
Do you Take mastercharge? Bye.
Well, doog, we finally made it.
The end of the rainbow.
The moment of all moments.
Liberation.
Liberation.
Oh.
Geez.
Doog, your mother gave us this couch.
Doog, wipe, wipe.
Your mother's gonna k Do you have any idea how long I have been waiting to do this? What? Oh.
Putting your feet on your mother's couch.
You are so bad.
They can't stop us now.
No one can.
We're free.
Free.
Free! Hey! Look, ma! I'm bouncing a ball in the living room.
No more coasters.
I'm making rings.
They're starting to form already.
Uh-oh.
It's past my bedtime.
I'm overtired and overstimulated.
Look.
What? Yeah? I'm leaning back at a very precarious angle.
What can I say? We're wild men.
We'll be the best roommates ever.
The sacred dream lives, doog.
Nothing can stop us now.
Whoa! Whoa! It's all yours, doog.
You're eating in the bathroom.
Yeah.
It saves time.
By combining my breakfast Please, no details.
I guess after all these years, there's still things we don't know about each other.
It kind of keeps the romance alive.
For instance, you're not a morning person, are you? You're unbelievable You bother me with your questions You have to tell no lies You're always asking what it's all about Don't listen to my replies The things you say Your private thoughts just give you away The things you say You're unbelievable Think we're alike It don't mean you can ask us Pushing down the reticent Bringing out your high self Think of the fine time Pushing down the better view Instead of bringing up just what-in-the-worlds Never think you have to brace yourself It takes a thief I know this world and what it seems It's unbelievable.
The things you say Your private thoughts just give you away The things you say You're so unbelievable You're unbelievable You're unbelievable This one roommate used to eat standing on the scale to see if her weight would go up.
Did you ever just weigh your head? Neither did I.
I just heard about it.
Maybe I'm just not used to living with anyone.
Or maybe Vinnie's been sent from hell.
Kind of late for you, Katherine.
Mrs.
Stevens went into labor.
I've been sitting with them.
They're going through a tough time.
Hmm.
Doogie? What if this new baby is a match? You can't take marrow from a baby until it's a month old.
Will won't live that long.
It's just so strange.
She's giving birth to one child while she's losing another.
What delivery room is she in? That's it, Diane.
You're doing great.
You're almost through.
I need the umbilical cord and placenta.
Any particular reason? I think I'm on to something.
You got it.
Deep breath now, Diane.
Essentially, the principle is identical to a bone marrow transplant.
But instead of replacing diseased marrow with donor marrow, we'll use cells from the blood of the umbilical and placenta to regenerate new bone marrow growth.
It looks good on paper.
I think we're jumping the gun.
There are more conservative options.
What are the risks? Rejection's the most serious.
And the patient must first undergo five days of chemotherapy and radiation, which kills off the leukemia cells.
And dangerously depletes bone marrow, forcing him to have the transfusion, correct? No one survives without adequate marrow.
How many times has this procedure been performed? Not many.
Never at eastman.
I'm not comfortable with that.
We need more studies and stats.
By then he'll be gone.
Dr.
brickman is a respected hem-oncologist.
I think we should listen.
I'd start him on another cycle of chemo.
He's had three cycles.
It's just not working.
Dr.
howser.
Then I'd try salvage therapy.
We could start him on ifosfamide or vp 16.
That could only achieve a short-term remission.
I'm going for a cure.
O.
K.
I sense we're divided, in which case it's my job to break the tie.
Do nothing.
This boy is going to suffer, and the outcome is dubious.
Unless a donor shows up, let's consider discontinuing treatment and letting him die with dignity.
Look, I had childhood leukemia, too.
I understand your role as a medical ethicist is to protect the rights of the patient.
But I would have gone through anything to live.
And I believe that will has the strength to face it, too.
He wants this chance.
What about costs? These are not wealthy people.
We'll dip into the teaching fund.
Dr.
howser, Dr.
Owens, I trust you'll present the parents with all the options discussed here in an objective and unbiased manner.
That's it? That's it.
What would you do? Well, it's, um Really your decision, not mine or Dr.
howser's.
We don't know what to do here.
Help us.
I'd go for it.
O.
K.
Aah! Cut! Cut! Way to go, bud.
You just ruined the shot.
Everybody back to one.
Vinnie.
Where's wardrobe? I'm right here.
Vinnie! Vinnie, I got to go.
I have a class.
Hi, doogie.
You owe me 20 bucks for the pizza.
Does she have a key? Grab those potholders, will you, doog? The kids needed a place to shoot their film So you volunteered my apartment? Our apartment.
Vinnie, I've really had a long day.
Ha! You've had a long day.
I've been cooking for an entire film crew.
Maybe I'm not being clear.
This is my apartment, too.
Yeah.
Look who's got the room with the door.
You resent that, don't you? I know you picked up a few of the bills A few? All the bills.
That's it, isn't it? It's the money.
You want me to get a factory job, sell my hair? Got any more sodas? Sure.
No.
Those are my sodas.
I bought them.
They're mine.
You shouldn't have done that.
That's it! Everybody out of here.
Leave quietly, and no one gets hurt.
Hey, those are mine.
That that's mine.
This is mine.
Anything edible or drinkable is mine.
That is mine, and this is mine, and this is mine, and these This is a very real moment.
This is great.
Get out of here! Get out of here! You're right.
New apartment, new school, new life.
Friends would've only gotten in the way.
You eat in the bathroom.
Oh, yeah? You floss in the living room.
You snore.
You talk in your sleep and use words I don't understand.
You're even arrogant in your sleep.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're loud, inconsiderate, obnoxious, immature.
You make disgusting noises when you eat, you and your girlfriend are in need of a muzzle, and you waste a tremendous amount of electricity.
You got major problems, howser.
I'm about to say goodbye to one of them.
I'm moving.
No, I'm moving out.
The sacred dream is dead, and you killed it.
Is that what smells? I thought it was your feet.
It's your door.
What? We moved in next door.
Do you have a hammer? Did you have a power failure? Uh, no.
Could you excuse us for one ever so brief shining moment? You want to make this work? I want to make this work.
We have to be sensitive.
I can be sensitive.
Hi, neighbors.
Hi.
Hi.
It's all yours, doog.
Hey, the sacred dream lives.