Fargo (2014) s03e02 Episode Script
The Principle Of Restricted Choice
Mom? Right.
(SIGHS) Jeez.
DONNY: Hey, Chief.
- Thought we said 9:00.
- (CLEARS THROAT) DONNY: Yeah.
But new chief showed up early.
Wants to gather the department together first thing.
So, since the department is you and me, I figured I'd come and get you.
- Ooh, is that coffee? - Mmm.
(SNIFFS) Is that the box you took from Ennis'? GLORIA: Uh-huh.
Nathan at his dad's? Hopefully.
Oh.
Do you think this Thaddeus Mobley fella had something to do with the murder? GLORIA: I should say so, seeing as how Ennis Stussy and this Thaddeus Mobley are one and the same.
Come again? How's it you're in my kitchen again? Oh, the chief Well, the new chief.
Oh, right.
The department.
Well (EXHALES) Let's go see if I still have a job.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) You going by the autopsy later? They glued his nose and mouth shut.
Are we thinking cause of death is somehow a cliffhanger? Guess not.
Did you canvass the local? Any reports of strange customers? Well, Earl at the Gas N Go intimated he might have had a weird one.
Weird how? Uh, Ron? It's Hello? - Hello.
- It's me.
RON: Hello? - Ron? Can you hear me? - Is this you, Gloria? I wanted to check on Nathan, make sure he was getting Ah, I can't quite hear you.
- Ron, it's Gloria.
- Hello? - Hold on, I'll call you - What's that? (SIGHS) Gosh.
Does yours do that? Who? Every time I make a call, it's like I'm in a silent movie.
(SIGHS) Hold up, forgot my gun.
I'm here, right? You see me.
Is that a trick question? IRV: "Keep it.
" SY: That's what he said.
This VM Vargas? Yes.
And we should have At the time when we needed the loan, we should have come to you.
Any idea what the VM stands for? You borrowed $1,000,000 from a man without knowing his first name.
- I know how it - It's not a question.
I'm just assessing the level of stupidity.
- Hey, hey.
- Irv, come on, we don't have to You get a lot of business from us.
Which, boychik, will stop the moment they arrest you for money laundering.
At which time, all your business goes to a criminal attorney.
And might I recommend Bruce Lipshits in our Minneapolis office? - We're not asking for - Irv, stop screwing around.
I need you to do some digging on this guy, his outfit.
Now, we gave you his card and the card his reps gave to us last year.
You have the loan document, on which is a phone number and a mailing address.
There's also a corporate ID number! So unless you got the brains of a monkey, you should be able to friend this cocksucker on Facebook, and reel him in.
And then? Then we get him to take his money back and forget he ever met us.
(SNIFFS) How's Stella? Yeah, she's good.
You think I was too hard on him? Irv? Ray.
At the anniversary party.
Look, he It's been a long time coming, you saying no to him.
- Haven't I always - Nuh-nuh-nuh.
Like a Swiss watch.
Reliable.
That's you.
- So he should have no - Yeah, but - Lookit, don't go - (SIGHS) We've been friends a long time.
Don't go getting soft here.
We talked about this.
It's for his own good.
A man like that, used to blaming others for his Maybe I should just give him the stamp.
To what end? You think that'll fix it? Next thing he's going to want is interest.
It's envy, the green monster.
- Your brother's a loser.
- He's not a loser.
Well, he's doing a pretty good imitation.
And you're the goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota.
He doesn't want the stamp, pal.
He wants your life.
(TYPING SLOWLY) IRV: Deb? What's it doing? You hit "Enter"? What's "Enter"? It's a (SIGHS) Now what do I Wait! What happened? Did I What did I I don't know.
- It just went.
- Uh-huh.
I'll check mine.
Mine's out, too.
Is it the power? I mean, the lights are on.
I'll call the IT kid that Shirley knows.
VARGAS: Zdraveyte, as the Bulgarians say.
Pardon? Ni hao is the Chinese.
The Corsicans use the simple salut.
And guten Tag, if German's your thing.
Is that Are they with you? Surmise.
ATTENDANT: What? Because we arrived together, we are together.
Surmise.
- Well, are ya? - Yes.
Can't park that here.
We got City's got an ordinance.
No, it's perfectly fine.
Mr.
Stussy himself gave me permission.
Who? Your employer.
You do see the sign above which you stand, and how a man with a keener sense of reason might extrapolate a connection with the name I just mentioned.
Your boss.
- Look, mister - We're done here.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) (TRUCK DOOR CLOSES) (BANGS ON TRUCK) Okay then.
Just It's fine.
Like he said, he's got permission.
No, I won't say "from Mr.
Stussy.
" I'm not gonna create the implication of foreknowledge.
Of Knowing before the fact.
They have permission.
They can park there.
Thanks.
Did you see this bullshit in the paper? Some old-timer out in the country, they push in his front door, tie him up.
He runs a general store, and some hopped-up junkie thinks he takes the register money home.
(SIGHS) Ennis Stussy.
Eighty-two years old.
Not the Minnesota I grew up in, I'll tell you that.
It's a tragedy.
Do you need something? Oh, uh There's Maybe a problem, not sure yet.
Just, this Vargas fella I got a call from the Oakbridge lot.
The raised one? No.
Ground lot, under the highway.
- Doesn't get a lot of traffic.
- Right.
Why'd we buy that one again? Sprawl-wise, you thought it'd be a good investment long-term.
Maybe turn it into condos one day.
Right.
We should talk to Stan Grossman about that.
Test the waters.
Yeah.
I'll make a note.
Anyway, it seems there's a big rig parked there now.
- In the lot? - Mmm-hmm.
Well, that's against code.
Well, okay.
There's that, too.
But more to the point, what's in it? And I'm a little troubled by the escalation.
Money loaned is one thing, but this? A truck full of Well It could be anything.
Booze, guns The kind of demeanor this fella has You think maybe it's I don't even wanna say it out loud.
Slave girls? What? No.
I was gonna say drugs.
You think it's slave girls? No.
I mean, he's capable, this Vargas fella, don't you think? Just from the one meeting.
We should probably drive over there, take a look.
Or, and this is the other way to go, not.
See, I'm thinking about deniability.
What they call "plausible.
" - 'Cause if we - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Look, if Irv's right, and we (MOUTHING) Then we know.
Which, in a court of law Got it.
That's You're Good thinking.
So, what do we I think we gotta wait and see what Irv turns up.
Then, whatever dirt, we use to extricate ourselves overall.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) MOE: This is the problem right here.
It's not even a proper police station.
Where do you keep prisoners? There's a store room, computer boxes, paper towels, or we drive 'em 10 miles to Paynesville.
Wait, you said computer boxes.
Where are the computers? They're in the boxes.
Chief doesn't like computers.
Well, old chief.
Sorry, Chief.
Oh, you don't like them? It's not that I don't like them.
I don't like them, but that's not The old way works just fine.
Type out a report, send it via telex.
You do know what year it is, right? The future.
We don't use Who uses telexes anymore? So that's why no one ever writes me back.
The point is, if I need a record search or priors run, I just call Jerry at County.
Yeah, or Lou-Ann, if Jerry's sick or out or something.
I'm sorry to be doing this today, with the loss of your father and all Stepfather.
But you need to get with the program.
It's not the '50s anymore where people don't lock their front doors.
People don't lock their front doors.
Not here.
Although they might now, after what happened to Ennis.
I'm just saying.
Chief As much as I want to hear about this future you've come from, I got a potential witness to interview who may have seen our perp gas up on his way out of town.
- So I'm gonna - You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and pretend you didn't just mouth off to me like my teenage daughter.
And I'm gonna go ahead and let you brace your witness.
And then I'm gonna let you take a few days off to grieve.
But this is a done deal.
You're being absorbed by the county.
You work for me now.
So, when you get back, you and the Chief, me, are gonna have a long talk about the way things work around here.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) EARL: I told Donny.
It was the Russians.
No.
I think he would've mentioned that.
This is Thursday night, yeah? 'Round 10:00 PM? Why don't you start from the beginning? You know, it's whaddaya, Thursday.
I got the game on.
- Vikings? - Gophers.
And it's one of those nights.
Miller, Miller Lite, cigarettes, cigarettes, motor oil.
And then some twitchy kid comes in, wants a case of frozen orange juice concentrate, which Is that Can you make meth from that? Not last I heard.
Maybe just a vitamin deficiency.
My point is, I'm already primed for And then this fella comes in - "Fella" singular? - If singular means just one.
And he's looking for, wants to know, do I have a phone book? And you're saying this fella was Russian? Yes, ma'am.
From, like, an accent, or Well, now, I can't rightly say.
Maybe he told me.
Well, like I said, I got the Gophers on.
But it's strong, how I remember him.
So, I showed him where the book was, keep it on a chain.
Why do you keep your phone book on a chain? Well, remember in the '70s? People used to steal 'em.
Anyhoo, he looks through it, and then just tears a page out.
Which, it's a public book, which Meant for everyone.
So, I raise a ruckus.
Can I see it? (INDISTINCT SPORTS COMMENTARY ON RADIO) - Hey! - Gotta take this as evidence.
Evidence of what? Well, fella stopped in here, used your phone book, tore out the page with Ennis' information on it.
Shortly thereafter, Ennis is asphyxiated.
So, I'd say, evidence he was looking for Ennis' house but didn't know the address.
"And in time of great joy they had meat and fowl and grain.
And in time of sorrow, they ate tears.
" (PAROLEE HUMMING) (PANTING) - Hey.
- See the game? Not really.
Can I use your computer? - What happened to yours? - Vermin.
You still got that con with the rack? The what's that, now? The brunette with the nutcracker caboose? I'm saying her back end's so fit, she could probably crack a walnut.
- Swango.
- Right.
Her swango.
No, that's her name.
Nikki Swango.
Well, whatever she calls it, I'd like to butter that bread.
Look, I got a One of my cons blew his piss test, Maurice LeFay.
What is he, Cajun? No, he's from Wabasso, I think.
Anyway, he's MIA for his 9:00 AM, and my thinking is he likely flew the coop.
Saw the writing on the wall, if you know what I mean.
So, issue a BOLO.
Jesus.
You need me to wipe your ass, too? No.
I'll do that.
Burt Lurdsman.
- What? - Is the name.
His name.
The sponsor I told you about.
Potential.
I'm trying to visualize.
I They've got it listed as The initial report, as accidental.
Maurice.
His cause of death, misadventure by major appliance.
Which is That's good, right? He's in vacuum cleaners.
Invented some kind of, whaddaya, filter out of Bismarck.
And he's looking for a new team.
Babe, we gotta I need you to focus.
We're not We dropped a 200-pound AC on an ex-con, and, yeah, it looks like the cover-up's working, but there's a long way to go before we're out of the woods here.
Ow! What the heck? There's something wrong with your chi.
The what's that? Like, your energy flow.
You're all blocked up, babe.
We can't have that.
Well, I've I never killed anybody before.
Well, me either.
Life's a journey, you know? I gotta be honest.
I got some remorse.
'Course you do.
You're not a heartless killer.
(SIGHS) You got the soul of a poet.
I do? You bet.
You're my honey bear.
RAY: What if they catch us? You know what happens to ex-law enforcement in the clink? They're not gonna catch us.
Like you said, it was an accident.
Plus, we'll be out of here today.
I gave a fake ID to the cops.
The apartment's rented under an assumed name.
Anybody thinks to follow up, and it's just a dead end.
What about the fella that Maurice killed? The other Stussy? Wasn't he really old? So? Hon, they don't look at those cases as close as the young ones.
- I don't think that's - It's just common sense.
What with them being so close to the grave and all.
Besides, you said yourself, he messed up, your man, killed some random geriatric in the sticks who happened to have the surname.
So, even if they wanted to solve it, the police, what possible solve is there, besides unfathomable pinheadery? (EXHALES) You've thought of everything.
That's us.
Thought and action.
The next Burt Lurdsman Grand National Champions.
(CHUCKLES) Don't get any ideas, mister.
I'm on my period.
Just remember, when the BOLO for Maurice turns up a dead body, you write "Case Closed," and file the papers at the dead-letter office.
Scotty's right.
You got a real nutcracker back there.
- Who? - My boss.
We were talking, and You were talking about my ass with your boss? No.
(STAMMERS) He just I was using his computer on account of vermin ate through my cord, and he just (STAMMERS) He asked if I still had you as a con, and I said NIKKI: I hate that word, "con.
" It's so negative.
We weren't talking about your ass, hon.
I don't know what I was thinking.
We're never gonna land Burt Lurdsman with your chi all blocked up like this.
Well, okay, how do I unblock it? We gotta find some sort of psychic Drano, or You know what it is, don't you? The blockage? It's your stupid brother.
The history between you two and how it made you go crazy, and hire a doofus to break into his house.
Hey, hon, I didn't hire him, I was blackmailing him.
My point is, this is a blood feud.
We can't be fightin' a blood feud while we're trying to land a big-time sponsor.
We're just gonna have to do it ourselves.
- Do? - The stamp.
Get the stamp back.
Now, hon Well, it's either that, or make peace with him.
Are you willing to do that? Forgive and forget? Bygones? (DOORBELL RINGS) Who died? When? It's 10:30! Shit.
Did I wake you No.
It's fine.
Stella's sleeping, though, so let's talk over there.
I should've called.
Nah, it's Ray? RAY: Oh.
Sometimes when you do a piss test, they Why not just put on both the other pair? Well, it happens a lot.
Basically, this is now my only non-micturated footwear.
EMMIT: It's late, Ray.
It's 10:30.
Fine.
(EXHALES) I felt bad about how we left things, you know, the thing between us, and always fighting.
Me, too.
I felt bad, too.
And now, you know, my chi's all backed up, Nikki says.
And I know it's late, but I thought I'd come out here and say I want to make up.
Bury the hatchet, you know, put the past behind us, bygones.
Well, I can't believe you're saying this, kid, after all Let me finish.
It's not, you know, easy.
You've done good here, real good.
With Stella, and the business And I just wanna say, I'm proud of you, and you don't owe me anything.
EMMIT: Well, I gotta say, it's a huge relief.
With the week I'm having, and after all these years.
Me, too.
(CHUCKLES) (RAY SIGHS) EMMIT: Get home safe.
(ENGINE STARTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) Ugh.
Irvig? Do I know you? It's Yuri, back from the old country.
Da YURI: Am I not right? You grew up in Ukraine.
No.
My bubbe, her people You know, you hear the old stories, how she fled from the Cossacks in the middle of the night.
Five years old.
The men on horseback.
That is me.
- I'm sorry? - Cossack.
When I saw your name You searched for Mr.
Vargas, yes? I thought, I know these Blumkins.
We rode them down like animals back in old days, raped their women, ate their babies.
(SCREAMING) (CRASHES) (RUSSIAN MUSIC PLAYING) Did you get it? Now, before you have a feeling, let's just both agree, this is gonna be a process.
What are you NIKKI: He's a worthy opponent, I'll give him that.
Not only does he hide the trump card, he rubs our faces in it with a burro.
I bet he was all sweetness and cream when you talked to him.
Well, actually, you know what? It felt kind of good.
We really We talked, and I think we got past it.
Oh.
What do you No.
Just No, you didn't I mean, no trace, right? In and out.
That's what we - Well - No.
Come on.
Look at me.
It's clear now, I'm clear.
My chi, I can feel it.
And I did what you said.
We put it behind us.
Bygones.
So Okay, to be fair, that wasn't the plan.
You were supposed to While I broke in, you would pretend to And you didn't see it, Ray.
He moved the stamp, your brother.
He didn't trust you.
So he hung up, in its place If you saw what he hung up A donkey is what.
So, you see the symbolism.
Oh, he's good.
It's like I said, he's got the physical and the mental game.
Well, he may have won this round, - but two can play at that - (SIREN WAILING) We should You should drive.
- Why? - Just go.
(ENGINE STARTING) - I don't - It's a message.
He sucker-punched me, Ray.
You were right.
Kept me talking in the driveway while the shifty fiancee breaks in looking for the stamp.
SY: Where's the stamp? The cleaning lady broke the frame, so I'm getting it fixed.
But he doesn't know that.
So they concoct this genius strategy.
I should've seen it.
All these years, and suddenly he gets a conscience? I don't think so.
Why a tampon, though? - Not that it - I'll tell you what, boy.
The gloves are off now.
He is D-O-N-E, done.
Like I said, it's about time.
And so, here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna step in and make this problem go away.
- Don't I mean - I won't.
Just give him the lay of the land.
He's dead to you.
To us.
We see your brother again, he calls, we go straight to the cops.
Rat him out to the city.
Dating a parolee.
Her parole officer.
There's gotta be a law against that.
So, believe you me, he'll scare.
That will be the end of that.
(PHONE RINGING) Hello? Yeah? Oh, Irv-- he is dead.
He jumped off the parking garage.
Okay, Deb.
Thanks for calling.
What's Irv.
He jumped off the garage.
It's a tragedy.
It is.
He was 82.
So, a good life.
- Did you know him? - I did.
A horrible man.
Have you notified his next of kin? We are his next of kin.
Of course.
I meant any other family that he might have had, outside of Minnesota.
I know he wasn't from around here.
It's kind of, to be honest, a mystery.
I mean, as far as I can figure, Ennis moved to Eden Valley in 1980.
Married my mom in '82.
I was six.
And they were only together for four years.
So, I mean, honestly, we're not even family, really, but I thought Nathan should have the influence of a male elder in his life, seeing as how his dad left.
You should ask your mother, perhaps.
I would, except she's dead.
Of course.
I'm sorry.
She's in the 21-J in ash.
So, if you know of any friends Ennis may have had, or He didn't talk much.
Except to curse.
I think he may have changed his name before he moved here.
Did you ever hear of Thaddeus Mobley out of Los Angeles? No, I'm afraid not.
Shall we choose a vessel? (CATALOGUE THUDS) (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) No, I'm not RADIO ANNOUNCER: Here's a tune.
It's called A Christmas Song.
Looks like it's destined to become one of the Yuletide season's genuine standards.
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) (MUTTERING) (DOOR CLOSES) There's a problem.
Is it you? No, Ray.
It's you.
You and your disgusting girlfriend.
Hey, now.
Sorry.
Fiancee.
Look, there was, you know, some mixed signals last night, but I'm gonna call Emmit No.
You're not.
In fact, you and Emmit will never speak again.
Don't be, you know, dramatic.
Oh, I'm serious.
This is non-negotiable after the stunt you pulled.
Feminine hygiene deployed as a weapon.
I don't know what you're (PATRONS GASP) Are you listening to me? You wanna watch your tone when you talk to me, errand boy.
- My tone? - Your tone.
- My tone.
- Yeah, your This is between me and my brother.
Never gonna happen.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen all right.
SY: You see that? That's the last dime you're ever gonna see from the Parking Lot King of Minnesota.
Yeah? Well, I got something to show you, too.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - (ENGINE STARTING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Oh! What the shit? (BRAKES SCREECH) (ENGINE REVVING) (YELLING) Oh! SY: Oh, jeez! My car! Look what that animal did to my car! Madeline, call my wife, will ya? Madeline? MADELINE: I'm sorry.
I didn't realize Mr.
Stussy was expecting you.
- Mr.
Stussy - It's okay, Madeline, I got it.
What can we do for you, friend? Mr.
Stussy, what a day.
What a day.
I was hoping to show the boys their new office.
Their It's this way, if I'm not mistaken.
Call Sy.
Uh, we don't - We're pretty full right now.
- No, no, no.
It says on the blueprints there's an entire wing you've just rented.
Expanding, are we? Well, that We acquired some new lots.
Yeah, and who have you got to thank for that, eh? There we go.
Perfect! (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) This is not You can't just Stop! Look Come on! Stop! We have rights.
Emmit.
Emmit.
You're making a scene, all right? Now, let's talk in your office.
- What's - They just I'm sorry, Mr.
Feltz, they just pushed their way in.
Oh, good.
They're here.
Uh, nothing to worry about, Madeline.
Remember how I said we were expanding our IT department? No.
Well, we are.
So Sorry, I was dealin' with the What? Your VARGAS: Did I tell you what I like about this place, Minnesota? It's so perfectly, sublimely bland.
Have you been to the Danube? Or Gansu? And the African continent Forget it.
North and south.
Anarchy.
And, yes, you can still find some relative stability in the brutal nation states, North Korea Putin's done some great things with Russia.
You just have to know which palms to grease.
But one wearies of the constant remunerations and the petty shakedowns Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Am I right? Mr.
Vargas? Please, Sy Call me VM.
Eh? We're partners now.
We are not partners.
That This - You lent us some - Capital.
Which we've told you, we're happy to pay back with interest.
(SPEAKING FRENCH) You see, that's the problem with you Americans.
You watch too many movies, and you think the deal can always be changed, and it can't.
We're partners now, and that's all there is to it.
So, you might as well just lie back, as they say, and enjoy yourselves.
Let me tell you what it is that attracts me to the parking lot business, yours in particular.
It's three things.
It runs on cash.
You don't use technology.
And that makes your income impossible to verify.
'Cause who's to say how many cars parked in which spots and for how long? Mr.
Vargas, VM, if I may We show, in our books We show a very consistent, very steady, predictable income from lot to lot, consistent with several urban volume factors.
And if you start goosing those numbers Well, so we buy more lots.
Maybe branch out, start developing some multi-function commercial and residential properties, a new stadium, perhaps.
There.
There you go.
Now you're seeing it.
The inescapable reality.
You're trapped.
Don't look so sad.
By the time we're done, you'll be billionaires.
On paper, at least.
Good.
Well, that's that out of the way.
Now, you may not see much of me for a couple of days, brutal nation states and all, but Yuri and Meemo will be here to make sure everything runs smoothly.
And, oh, yes, condolences on your attorney.
What makes it so tragic is how avoidable it was.
But you understand, I can't have people out there investigating things.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS) Jeez.
DONNY: Hey, Chief.
- Thought we said 9:00.
- (CLEARS THROAT) DONNY: Yeah.
But new chief showed up early.
Wants to gather the department together first thing.
So, since the department is you and me, I figured I'd come and get you.
- Ooh, is that coffee? - Mmm.
(SNIFFS) Is that the box you took from Ennis'? GLORIA: Uh-huh.
Nathan at his dad's? Hopefully.
Oh.
Do you think this Thaddeus Mobley fella had something to do with the murder? GLORIA: I should say so, seeing as how Ennis Stussy and this Thaddeus Mobley are one and the same.
Come again? How's it you're in my kitchen again? Oh, the chief Well, the new chief.
Oh, right.
The department.
Well (EXHALES) Let's go see if I still have a job.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) You going by the autopsy later? They glued his nose and mouth shut.
Are we thinking cause of death is somehow a cliffhanger? Guess not.
Did you canvass the local? Any reports of strange customers? Well, Earl at the Gas N Go intimated he might have had a weird one.
Weird how? Uh, Ron? It's Hello? - Hello.
- It's me.
RON: Hello? - Ron? Can you hear me? - Is this you, Gloria? I wanted to check on Nathan, make sure he was getting Ah, I can't quite hear you.
- Ron, it's Gloria.
- Hello? - Hold on, I'll call you - What's that? (SIGHS) Gosh.
Does yours do that? Who? Every time I make a call, it's like I'm in a silent movie.
(SIGHS) Hold up, forgot my gun.
I'm here, right? You see me.
Is that a trick question? IRV: "Keep it.
" SY: That's what he said.
This VM Vargas? Yes.
And we should have At the time when we needed the loan, we should have come to you.
Any idea what the VM stands for? You borrowed $1,000,000 from a man without knowing his first name.
- I know how it - It's not a question.
I'm just assessing the level of stupidity.
- Hey, hey.
- Irv, come on, we don't have to You get a lot of business from us.
Which, boychik, will stop the moment they arrest you for money laundering.
At which time, all your business goes to a criminal attorney.
And might I recommend Bruce Lipshits in our Minneapolis office? - We're not asking for - Irv, stop screwing around.
I need you to do some digging on this guy, his outfit.
Now, we gave you his card and the card his reps gave to us last year.
You have the loan document, on which is a phone number and a mailing address.
There's also a corporate ID number! So unless you got the brains of a monkey, you should be able to friend this cocksucker on Facebook, and reel him in.
And then? Then we get him to take his money back and forget he ever met us.
(SNIFFS) How's Stella? Yeah, she's good.
You think I was too hard on him? Irv? Ray.
At the anniversary party.
Look, he It's been a long time coming, you saying no to him.
- Haven't I always - Nuh-nuh-nuh.
Like a Swiss watch.
Reliable.
That's you.
- So he should have no - Yeah, but - Lookit, don't go - (SIGHS) We've been friends a long time.
Don't go getting soft here.
We talked about this.
It's for his own good.
A man like that, used to blaming others for his Maybe I should just give him the stamp.
To what end? You think that'll fix it? Next thing he's going to want is interest.
It's envy, the green monster.
- Your brother's a loser.
- He's not a loser.
Well, he's doing a pretty good imitation.
And you're the goddamn Parking Lot King of Minnesota.
He doesn't want the stamp, pal.
He wants your life.
(TYPING SLOWLY) IRV: Deb? What's it doing? You hit "Enter"? What's "Enter"? It's a (SIGHS) Now what do I Wait! What happened? Did I What did I I don't know.
- It just went.
- Uh-huh.
I'll check mine.
Mine's out, too.
Is it the power? I mean, the lights are on.
I'll call the IT kid that Shirley knows.
VARGAS: Zdraveyte, as the Bulgarians say.
Pardon? Ni hao is the Chinese.
The Corsicans use the simple salut.
And guten Tag, if German's your thing.
Is that Are they with you? Surmise.
ATTENDANT: What? Because we arrived together, we are together.
Surmise.
- Well, are ya? - Yes.
Can't park that here.
We got City's got an ordinance.
No, it's perfectly fine.
Mr.
Stussy himself gave me permission.
Who? Your employer.
You do see the sign above which you stand, and how a man with a keener sense of reason might extrapolate a connection with the name I just mentioned.
Your boss.
- Look, mister - We're done here.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) (TRUCK DOOR CLOSES) (BANGS ON TRUCK) Okay then.
Just It's fine.
Like he said, he's got permission.
No, I won't say "from Mr.
Stussy.
" I'm not gonna create the implication of foreknowledge.
Of Knowing before the fact.
They have permission.
They can park there.
Thanks.
Did you see this bullshit in the paper? Some old-timer out in the country, they push in his front door, tie him up.
He runs a general store, and some hopped-up junkie thinks he takes the register money home.
(SIGHS) Ennis Stussy.
Eighty-two years old.
Not the Minnesota I grew up in, I'll tell you that.
It's a tragedy.
Do you need something? Oh, uh There's Maybe a problem, not sure yet.
Just, this Vargas fella I got a call from the Oakbridge lot.
The raised one? No.
Ground lot, under the highway.
- Doesn't get a lot of traffic.
- Right.
Why'd we buy that one again? Sprawl-wise, you thought it'd be a good investment long-term.
Maybe turn it into condos one day.
Right.
We should talk to Stan Grossman about that.
Test the waters.
Yeah.
I'll make a note.
Anyway, it seems there's a big rig parked there now.
- In the lot? - Mmm-hmm.
Well, that's against code.
Well, okay.
There's that, too.
But more to the point, what's in it? And I'm a little troubled by the escalation.
Money loaned is one thing, but this? A truck full of Well It could be anything.
Booze, guns The kind of demeanor this fella has You think maybe it's I don't even wanna say it out loud.
Slave girls? What? No.
I was gonna say drugs.
You think it's slave girls? No.
I mean, he's capable, this Vargas fella, don't you think? Just from the one meeting.
We should probably drive over there, take a look.
Or, and this is the other way to go, not.
See, I'm thinking about deniability.
What they call "plausible.
" - 'Cause if we - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Look, if Irv's right, and we (MOUTHING) Then we know.
Which, in a court of law Got it.
That's You're Good thinking.
So, what do we I think we gotta wait and see what Irv turns up.
Then, whatever dirt, we use to extricate ourselves overall.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) MOE: This is the problem right here.
It's not even a proper police station.
Where do you keep prisoners? There's a store room, computer boxes, paper towels, or we drive 'em 10 miles to Paynesville.
Wait, you said computer boxes.
Where are the computers? They're in the boxes.
Chief doesn't like computers.
Well, old chief.
Sorry, Chief.
Oh, you don't like them? It's not that I don't like them.
I don't like them, but that's not The old way works just fine.
Type out a report, send it via telex.
You do know what year it is, right? The future.
We don't use Who uses telexes anymore? So that's why no one ever writes me back.
The point is, if I need a record search or priors run, I just call Jerry at County.
Yeah, or Lou-Ann, if Jerry's sick or out or something.
I'm sorry to be doing this today, with the loss of your father and all Stepfather.
But you need to get with the program.
It's not the '50s anymore where people don't lock their front doors.
People don't lock their front doors.
Not here.
Although they might now, after what happened to Ennis.
I'm just saying.
Chief As much as I want to hear about this future you've come from, I got a potential witness to interview who may have seen our perp gas up on his way out of town.
- So I'm gonna - You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and pretend you didn't just mouth off to me like my teenage daughter.
And I'm gonna go ahead and let you brace your witness.
And then I'm gonna let you take a few days off to grieve.
But this is a done deal.
You're being absorbed by the county.
You work for me now.
So, when you get back, you and the Chief, me, are gonna have a long talk about the way things work around here.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) EARL: I told Donny.
It was the Russians.
No.
I think he would've mentioned that.
This is Thursday night, yeah? 'Round 10:00 PM? Why don't you start from the beginning? You know, it's whaddaya, Thursday.
I got the game on.
- Vikings? - Gophers.
And it's one of those nights.
Miller, Miller Lite, cigarettes, cigarettes, motor oil.
And then some twitchy kid comes in, wants a case of frozen orange juice concentrate, which Is that Can you make meth from that? Not last I heard.
Maybe just a vitamin deficiency.
My point is, I'm already primed for And then this fella comes in - "Fella" singular? - If singular means just one.
And he's looking for, wants to know, do I have a phone book? And you're saying this fella was Russian? Yes, ma'am.
From, like, an accent, or Well, now, I can't rightly say.
Maybe he told me.
Well, like I said, I got the Gophers on.
But it's strong, how I remember him.
So, I showed him where the book was, keep it on a chain.
Why do you keep your phone book on a chain? Well, remember in the '70s? People used to steal 'em.
Anyhoo, he looks through it, and then just tears a page out.
Which, it's a public book, which Meant for everyone.
So, I raise a ruckus.
Can I see it? (INDISTINCT SPORTS COMMENTARY ON RADIO) - Hey! - Gotta take this as evidence.
Evidence of what? Well, fella stopped in here, used your phone book, tore out the page with Ennis' information on it.
Shortly thereafter, Ennis is asphyxiated.
So, I'd say, evidence he was looking for Ennis' house but didn't know the address.
"And in time of great joy they had meat and fowl and grain.
And in time of sorrow, they ate tears.
" (PAROLEE HUMMING) (PANTING) - Hey.
- See the game? Not really.
Can I use your computer? - What happened to yours? - Vermin.
You still got that con with the rack? The what's that, now? The brunette with the nutcracker caboose? I'm saying her back end's so fit, she could probably crack a walnut.
- Swango.
- Right.
Her swango.
No, that's her name.
Nikki Swango.
Well, whatever she calls it, I'd like to butter that bread.
Look, I got a One of my cons blew his piss test, Maurice LeFay.
What is he, Cajun? No, he's from Wabasso, I think.
Anyway, he's MIA for his 9:00 AM, and my thinking is he likely flew the coop.
Saw the writing on the wall, if you know what I mean.
So, issue a BOLO.
Jesus.
You need me to wipe your ass, too? No.
I'll do that.
Burt Lurdsman.
- What? - Is the name.
His name.
The sponsor I told you about.
Potential.
I'm trying to visualize.
I They've got it listed as The initial report, as accidental.
Maurice.
His cause of death, misadventure by major appliance.
Which is That's good, right? He's in vacuum cleaners.
Invented some kind of, whaddaya, filter out of Bismarck.
And he's looking for a new team.
Babe, we gotta I need you to focus.
We're not We dropped a 200-pound AC on an ex-con, and, yeah, it looks like the cover-up's working, but there's a long way to go before we're out of the woods here.
Ow! What the heck? There's something wrong with your chi.
The what's that? Like, your energy flow.
You're all blocked up, babe.
We can't have that.
Well, I've I never killed anybody before.
Well, me either.
Life's a journey, you know? I gotta be honest.
I got some remorse.
'Course you do.
You're not a heartless killer.
(SIGHS) You got the soul of a poet.
I do? You bet.
You're my honey bear.
RAY: What if they catch us? You know what happens to ex-law enforcement in the clink? They're not gonna catch us.
Like you said, it was an accident.
Plus, we'll be out of here today.
I gave a fake ID to the cops.
The apartment's rented under an assumed name.
Anybody thinks to follow up, and it's just a dead end.
What about the fella that Maurice killed? The other Stussy? Wasn't he really old? So? Hon, they don't look at those cases as close as the young ones.
- I don't think that's - It's just common sense.
What with them being so close to the grave and all.
Besides, you said yourself, he messed up, your man, killed some random geriatric in the sticks who happened to have the surname.
So, even if they wanted to solve it, the police, what possible solve is there, besides unfathomable pinheadery? (EXHALES) You've thought of everything.
That's us.
Thought and action.
The next Burt Lurdsman Grand National Champions.
(CHUCKLES) Don't get any ideas, mister.
I'm on my period.
Just remember, when the BOLO for Maurice turns up a dead body, you write "Case Closed," and file the papers at the dead-letter office.
Scotty's right.
You got a real nutcracker back there.
- Who? - My boss.
We were talking, and You were talking about my ass with your boss? No.
(STAMMERS) He just I was using his computer on account of vermin ate through my cord, and he just (STAMMERS) He asked if I still had you as a con, and I said NIKKI: I hate that word, "con.
" It's so negative.
We weren't talking about your ass, hon.
I don't know what I was thinking.
We're never gonna land Burt Lurdsman with your chi all blocked up like this.
Well, okay, how do I unblock it? We gotta find some sort of psychic Drano, or You know what it is, don't you? The blockage? It's your stupid brother.
The history between you two and how it made you go crazy, and hire a doofus to break into his house.
Hey, hon, I didn't hire him, I was blackmailing him.
My point is, this is a blood feud.
We can't be fightin' a blood feud while we're trying to land a big-time sponsor.
We're just gonna have to do it ourselves.
- Do? - The stamp.
Get the stamp back.
Now, hon Well, it's either that, or make peace with him.
Are you willing to do that? Forgive and forget? Bygones? (DOORBELL RINGS) Who died? When? It's 10:30! Shit.
Did I wake you No.
It's fine.
Stella's sleeping, though, so let's talk over there.
I should've called.
Nah, it's Ray? RAY: Oh.
Sometimes when you do a piss test, they Why not just put on both the other pair? Well, it happens a lot.
Basically, this is now my only non-micturated footwear.
EMMIT: It's late, Ray.
It's 10:30.
Fine.
(EXHALES) I felt bad about how we left things, you know, the thing between us, and always fighting.
Me, too.
I felt bad, too.
And now, you know, my chi's all backed up, Nikki says.
And I know it's late, but I thought I'd come out here and say I want to make up.
Bury the hatchet, you know, put the past behind us, bygones.
Well, I can't believe you're saying this, kid, after all Let me finish.
It's not, you know, easy.
You've done good here, real good.
With Stella, and the business And I just wanna say, I'm proud of you, and you don't owe me anything.
EMMIT: Well, I gotta say, it's a huge relief.
With the week I'm having, and after all these years.
Me, too.
(CHUCKLES) (RAY SIGHS) EMMIT: Get home safe.
(ENGINE STARTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) Ugh.
Irvig? Do I know you? It's Yuri, back from the old country.
Da YURI: Am I not right? You grew up in Ukraine.
No.
My bubbe, her people You know, you hear the old stories, how she fled from the Cossacks in the middle of the night.
Five years old.
The men on horseback.
That is me.
- I'm sorry? - Cossack.
When I saw your name You searched for Mr.
Vargas, yes? I thought, I know these Blumkins.
We rode them down like animals back in old days, raped their women, ate their babies.
(SCREAMING) (CRASHES) (RUSSIAN MUSIC PLAYING) Did you get it? Now, before you have a feeling, let's just both agree, this is gonna be a process.
What are you NIKKI: He's a worthy opponent, I'll give him that.
Not only does he hide the trump card, he rubs our faces in it with a burro.
I bet he was all sweetness and cream when you talked to him.
Well, actually, you know what? It felt kind of good.
We really We talked, and I think we got past it.
Oh.
What do you No.
Just No, you didn't I mean, no trace, right? In and out.
That's what we - Well - No.
Come on.
Look at me.
It's clear now, I'm clear.
My chi, I can feel it.
And I did what you said.
We put it behind us.
Bygones.
So Okay, to be fair, that wasn't the plan.
You were supposed to While I broke in, you would pretend to And you didn't see it, Ray.
He moved the stamp, your brother.
He didn't trust you.
So he hung up, in its place If you saw what he hung up A donkey is what.
So, you see the symbolism.
Oh, he's good.
It's like I said, he's got the physical and the mental game.
Well, he may have won this round, - but two can play at that - (SIREN WAILING) We should You should drive.
- Why? - Just go.
(ENGINE STARTING) - I don't - It's a message.
He sucker-punched me, Ray.
You were right.
Kept me talking in the driveway while the shifty fiancee breaks in looking for the stamp.
SY: Where's the stamp? The cleaning lady broke the frame, so I'm getting it fixed.
But he doesn't know that.
So they concoct this genius strategy.
I should've seen it.
All these years, and suddenly he gets a conscience? I don't think so.
Why a tampon, though? - Not that it - I'll tell you what, boy.
The gloves are off now.
He is D-O-N-E, done.
Like I said, it's about time.
And so, here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna step in and make this problem go away.
- Don't I mean - I won't.
Just give him the lay of the land.
He's dead to you.
To us.
We see your brother again, he calls, we go straight to the cops.
Rat him out to the city.
Dating a parolee.
Her parole officer.
There's gotta be a law against that.
So, believe you me, he'll scare.
That will be the end of that.
(PHONE RINGING) Hello? Yeah? Oh, Irv-- he is dead.
He jumped off the parking garage.
Okay, Deb.
Thanks for calling.
What's Irv.
He jumped off the garage.
It's a tragedy.
It is.
He was 82.
So, a good life.
- Did you know him? - I did.
A horrible man.
Have you notified his next of kin? We are his next of kin.
Of course.
I meant any other family that he might have had, outside of Minnesota.
I know he wasn't from around here.
It's kind of, to be honest, a mystery.
I mean, as far as I can figure, Ennis moved to Eden Valley in 1980.
Married my mom in '82.
I was six.
And they were only together for four years.
So, I mean, honestly, we're not even family, really, but I thought Nathan should have the influence of a male elder in his life, seeing as how his dad left.
You should ask your mother, perhaps.
I would, except she's dead.
Of course.
I'm sorry.
She's in the 21-J in ash.
So, if you know of any friends Ennis may have had, or He didn't talk much.
Except to curse.
I think he may have changed his name before he moved here.
Did you ever hear of Thaddeus Mobley out of Los Angeles? No, I'm afraid not.
Shall we choose a vessel? (CATALOGUE THUDS) (CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) No, I'm not RADIO ANNOUNCER: Here's a tune.
It's called A Christmas Song.
Looks like it's destined to become one of the Yuletide season's genuine standards.
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) (MUTTERING) (DOOR CLOSES) There's a problem.
Is it you? No, Ray.
It's you.
You and your disgusting girlfriend.
Hey, now.
Sorry.
Fiancee.
Look, there was, you know, some mixed signals last night, but I'm gonna call Emmit No.
You're not.
In fact, you and Emmit will never speak again.
Don't be, you know, dramatic.
Oh, I'm serious.
This is non-negotiable after the stunt you pulled.
Feminine hygiene deployed as a weapon.
I don't know what you're (PATRONS GASP) Are you listening to me? You wanna watch your tone when you talk to me, errand boy.
- My tone? - Your tone.
- My tone.
- Yeah, your This is between me and my brother.
Never gonna happen.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen all right.
SY: You see that? That's the last dime you're ever gonna see from the Parking Lot King of Minnesota.
Yeah? Well, I got something to show you, too.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - (ENGINE STARTING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Oh! What the shit? (BRAKES SCREECH) (ENGINE REVVING) (YELLING) Oh! SY: Oh, jeez! My car! Look what that animal did to my car! Madeline, call my wife, will ya? Madeline? MADELINE: I'm sorry.
I didn't realize Mr.
Stussy was expecting you.
- Mr.
Stussy - It's okay, Madeline, I got it.
What can we do for you, friend? Mr.
Stussy, what a day.
What a day.
I was hoping to show the boys their new office.
Their It's this way, if I'm not mistaken.
Call Sy.
Uh, we don't - We're pretty full right now.
- No, no, no.
It says on the blueprints there's an entire wing you've just rented.
Expanding, are we? Well, that We acquired some new lots.
Yeah, and who have you got to thank for that, eh? There we go.
Perfect! (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) This is not You can't just Stop! Look Come on! Stop! We have rights.
Emmit.
Emmit.
You're making a scene, all right? Now, let's talk in your office.
- What's - They just I'm sorry, Mr.
Feltz, they just pushed their way in.
Oh, good.
They're here.
Uh, nothing to worry about, Madeline.
Remember how I said we were expanding our IT department? No.
Well, we are.
So Sorry, I was dealin' with the What? Your VARGAS: Did I tell you what I like about this place, Minnesota? It's so perfectly, sublimely bland.
Have you been to the Danube? Or Gansu? And the African continent Forget it.
North and south.
Anarchy.
And, yes, you can still find some relative stability in the brutal nation states, North Korea Putin's done some great things with Russia.
You just have to know which palms to grease.
But one wearies of the constant remunerations and the petty shakedowns Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Am I right? Mr.
Vargas? Please, Sy Call me VM.
Eh? We're partners now.
We are not partners.
That This - You lent us some - Capital.
Which we've told you, we're happy to pay back with interest.
(SPEAKING FRENCH) You see, that's the problem with you Americans.
You watch too many movies, and you think the deal can always be changed, and it can't.
We're partners now, and that's all there is to it.
So, you might as well just lie back, as they say, and enjoy yourselves.
Let me tell you what it is that attracts me to the parking lot business, yours in particular.
It's three things.
It runs on cash.
You don't use technology.
And that makes your income impossible to verify.
'Cause who's to say how many cars parked in which spots and for how long? Mr.
Vargas, VM, if I may We show, in our books We show a very consistent, very steady, predictable income from lot to lot, consistent with several urban volume factors.
And if you start goosing those numbers Well, so we buy more lots.
Maybe branch out, start developing some multi-function commercial and residential properties, a new stadium, perhaps.
There.
There you go.
Now you're seeing it.
The inescapable reality.
You're trapped.
Don't look so sad.
By the time we're done, you'll be billionaires.
On paper, at least.
Good.
Well, that's that out of the way.
Now, you may not see much of me for a couple of days, brutal nation states and all, but Yuri and Meemo will be here to make sure everything runs smoothly.
And, oh, yes, condolences on your attorney.
What makes it so tragic is how avoidable it was.
But you understand, I can't have people out there investigating things.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)