Five Bedrooms (2019) s03e02 Episode Script
Three Teams
Previously on 5 Bedrooms
Liz is an old friend and I know that room is helping to fund her degree so
You scared the hell out of me.
The thing is she doesn't feel ready to talk to you.
What?
Maybe she should go over there.
It's a bit late.
Not many blokes that have the balls to turn up for their ex the way you turned up tonight.
Mate, just for me, for now. Just bury it.
Walk away.
Morning.
Good morning.
I just wanted to follow up in person.
I have a little boy.
Congratulations.
Wow, how do we know he's not a single dad?
He's not single.
How do you know?
He had a boyfriend.
Two years ago.
Counting down the days till Liz came home
My only headlines were a half-hearted body transformation
and a second, even more mortifying run-in with my ex.
I'm sorry.
Harry.
Hi.
I thought it was you.
Then I thought, no it's not, you don't stroll anymore, you have a baby.
It's portable, so in fact it could be you.
And it is.
Harry, have you met Jack?
No, I don't think I
Oh no, you have. Met me. We've met.
Just once, a long time ago before little
Arlo.
Arlo, yeah.
Arlo was born, yeah.
Oh, that's
God, he looks like you.
We actually used Jack's
Of course you did. I mean, you're a walking god.
Thanks.
I mean, you're unusually handsome.
Not that you're not.
He is absolutely gorgeous.
Hello there, little man.
He probably won't wave back.
I mean, he has done it a few times, right?
He's not very interactive.
And how are you?
Good, yeah.
You know, just the same.
Yeah.
Everyone was buzzing with fresh hope,
new relationships, new opportunities, new horizons.
Not a decibel of that buzz came from me.
You don't have to. That would be great.
Oh my God, you're blended.
Just clear the air, I'm INGD free.
Am I getting cabbed?
I'm on my way. We're on the other side of customs.
I'm not getting cabbed.
I'm on my way. We're on the other side of customs.
I'm happy, Dad.
No one had achieved more in the last 10 months than Liz.
This trip home was a three-week pit stop
in her race for world domination.
But I was exactly where she'd left me.
Yep, chill town. Yep, stay still. Yep.
You looking? Yep.
Smile.
You look exactly the same.
You look five years younger.
Have you had a little something-something done?
It's just an amazing expo in a year of no QV life.
And how are we feeling about the exam? Still feeling good?
Oh, Harry, it was just, it was like
I was channelling a higher version of myself.
It was like I knew the answer and the essay just poured out of me.
I already poked it before.
When are you getting the results?
In four weeks.
You know, I'm gonna be back in the UK by then,
so I don't even want to think about it while I'm here.
And what about your hubby? How's he?
We're in this new and exciting phase.
It's like, OK, so you're at our relationship.
Stuart's always been the Beyonce of the relationship
and I've been, like, the Kelly.
But in Cambridge, I'm empirically the Beyonce
and he's not even the Kelly, he's like the Michelle.
Suits him.
And I want to do you, cos I haven't stopped talking.
What's been happening with you? What have you got?
Well, not much.
And also, oh, and bonus breaking news,
after we check in with the others at the house,
you and I, well, strictly speaking, I,
are checking into the Montgomery.
What? Why?
Because someone else is paying.
I'm being ruined, my friend.
By who?
By three of Melbourne's top legal firms.
And counting.
I don't like to use the term bidding more,
but that's essentially what's happening.
Yeah, I don't even know if you've passed yet.
I know, it's the Cambridge prestige.
Temple and Marsh are forking out a week in a suite
at the Montgomery with a star package.
They're being counted by Stroh Legal,
who are paying me to talk about my masters
at a fully catered vegan cocktail party.
Well, all sounds amazing.
Maybe till you face that.
No, sorry, I just
I was just really hoping for you and me and gin on the couch.
We'll totally, totally be doing that, Harry.
It's just gonna be little bottles of gin and a better couch.
Are you having a sunroof?
Well, at least it's freezing.
I don't care.
Symbolism.
Go for some new furniture as well.
What's going on?
Oh my God!
Look at you!
You look incredible.
I'm getting a male plenty boy.
Oh, I love you.
Oh, I miss you all so much.
I just, I don't even have words.
Say that again.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
How do you not look jet lagged?
She flew to the U.S.
Champagne and Valium.
Oh, and actually business.
This can't be all you get, is it?
Oh, no, no, no.
There's considerably more.
All matching.
It's just in the car.
She's staying at the Montgomery.
Well, you don't want to stay with us.
No, no, of course I do.
I've just, I've been offered this suite by this firm that I'm in talks with.
It's only for the first week and I'll be here all the time anyway,
except when I'm at the day spa.
So this is just a drive by?
It's not a drive by.
Ainsley's been baking for two days.
I don't know about perfected, those gluten free muffins.
Yeah, I don't know about perfected.
Did you get that second unit essay in on time or are you still hating it?
What does it sound like Kylie Minogue?
Heather!
What?
Don't tell me you can't hear it.
I can't.
Hear what?
Yes, I'm still hating it.
Just, you know, the being on campus, being 500 years older than everyone else.
Oh, not everyone.
And here's a fresh bit of salt in the wound.
Timmy is now in one of my classes.
They refuse to acknowledge me in any way and you know what?
It's fair enough.
How's the mayor?
Yeah, she's good.
Did she move in?
No, no, she thought about it for a red hot minute,
but she's been around a bit more.
Oh, that must be lovely.
No, not really, at first, but we got there.
Is everything okay with Rebecca?
Yeah, she's rock solid.
No worries there at all.
Would you say that?
I mean, given that Mia's been texting every day, begging to get away from her.
Yeah, right.
Don't panic.
I'm not panicking.
Okay, Ames, you're it.
You and Simo, has he still been escalating the wild romantic gestures?
Just tell me every single thing.
You don't want that.
Yeah, I do.
Well, I don't.
It's like living in a Morgan Mindy episode.
It's still a bit of a love fest and heads not into it.
Come on, I reckon it's beautiful.
It's been the highlight of my day for months now.
It has been beautiful.
Has been?
Oh, no, no, it still is a lot of the time.
It's a very beautiful, rich tapestry and also very confusing.
Just lately.
I don't know, it feels like he's been pulling away from me a bit.
Oh, what?
Well, he was supposed to be here now, but he pretended he had to work late.
That he knows pretending?
No, the thing is, he has got this pathological fear of intruding.
Yeah, that does sound true.
But also, I think I might have spooked him.
Oh, that's not possible.
Well, I think it started after I told him I loved him for the first time.
You told him you loved him.
Shit, that's not good.
You said it how?
Just a straight up blurt.
And what did he say?
Nothing.
He probably didn't hear you.
I was this close to his ear.
No, Ayns, seriously, that bloke would walk across hot coals for you.
He's just got his own processes and bloody challenges.
Yeah.
Anyway, Liz, in honour of your return, I am organising a traditional dinner slash games night with the extended band.
What's the games about?
Board games, obviously.
Did we play board games?
Not really.
Just let me know what night works best for you.
Oh, okay, I will absolutely. I'll just check my calendar.
Your calendar?
You're grasping at straws.
I'm not the one grasping.
Oh, she's too good for us now.
She's not even denying it.
Just one more stop.
What?
I promised to have a drink with Gerry.
Not B&B, Gerry.
I know, sorry.
It's just that's the only time she could do it and I couldn't say no.
You promised me spa time at the Montgomery.
It's going to be an hour at most and then we're just going to have so much spa time.
We're both going to be human prunes.
Can't I just drop you off?
No, no, just one drink.
She's your friend.
I barely know her.
No, no, I need you there, Harry, just to casually and organically weave a hail of praise about me into the conversation.
Seriously?
I have lost count of the number of times I've come second to this woman.
She's dwarfed my every achievement for two decades.
Now finally coming off the Masters, I may have the upper hand.
So you basically just want me there to talk up Cambridge?
Well, not just Cambridge, there's quite a bit to cover.
Whipped up a chee-cheek for you on the plane.
Why don't you just tell her yourself?
I have to pretend to be uncomfortable with the attention.
Come on, please.
You know I'd do it for you.
Oh, she's here.
Stay loose.
She has not aged a fucking day.
Oh, my God.
Look at you.
Look at you.
Oh.
Are you aging in reverse?
Seriously, have you done something non-surgical?
Starting every day with about a litre of cold-pressed kale juice.
Now, you remember Harry?
Of course.
Can I just apologise again for the whole accommodation experience?
Oh, no.
Don't.
I mean, it was genuinely disturbing, but there was also stuff going on for us.
Nothing serious.
Let's get a drink.
Yes.
I still can't believe you got in.
I can't even tell you how it felt.
And, you know, when I stepped foot on campus for the first time,
I just felt this sense ofit's belonging.
That doesn't surprise me at all.
So, have you had any offers yet?
Nothing in writing.
She's basically drowning in offers, and she hasn't even had her results yet.
So, are you leaning more towards a UK firm or?
Oh, I'm not open to Australian firms,
but I will say that the UK offers are substantially higher, you know.
But we know how much I love a European summer.
Anyway, enough about me.
I mean, what do you think of me?
So, how is it being partner?
How's Sam?
She's good.
Yeah, she's good.
She's a little frustrated at the moment.
I mean, we both are.
We're trying for a baby.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we haven't really been telling anyone at all.
Congratulations. That's beyond exciting.
Let's not pop the champagne just yet.
We've got a bit to go.
Are you going through IVF or?
No, actually. We're looking for a donor.
We're in Melbourne. We were meeting someone.
Way to go.
Not great.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Probably didn't help that he was hand-selected by my mum.
That woman is grossly over-invested in every aspect of my life.
Oh, my God. So is mine.
No, no, no, no, no, mine.
Mine is next level, according to her,
and she will admit this with little to no prompting.
My sole purpose is to provide her with grandchildren.
OK.
I know for a fact that if my mother had to choose between my life
and the life of her unborn, unconceived grandchild,
she would kill me with her bare hands.
She would not.
I'm quoting her directly.
We are talking about the same woman.
OK, give me your top three most suffocating moments.
Oh, emotionally or spiritually?
Both.
You know, for a while there,
Harry's mother was terrified that he and I might have a baby together.
She was terrified.
But we sensed the potential for disaster and we steered well clear.
I thought the steering clear was less about mum
and more about what you wanted.
So you weren't seriously thinking about it?
Absolutely. No, not seri
I've always known I wanted to have kids.
You know, I think one of the reasons I was so scared of coming out
was because I knew it would make it harder to have kids.
That was huge for me.
Shall we get another round?
Actually, we've got to
I'll get it.
Same.
Same.
I'll get it. Same.
Oh, no, this looks good.
Yeah. Good.
Can we please order some food?
I should have ordered at the bar.
I wanted to, but you wouldn't let me.
I was trying to get out of there.
Oh, my God, you should see the size of this shower head.
Sorry, heads. Plural.
I'm going to make it my mission to conquer them all.
OK.
OK, what do we feel like?
How well do you know Gerry's wife?
Oh, I've only met her a few times.
She's not that much younger than Gerry,
but she's got that real Gen Y vibe, you know,
like that whole,
I know what's wrong with the world
and I'm going to tell you how to fix it kind of energy.
You know, a lot of ego, like more than Gerry.
I didn't get a big ego vibe from Gerry.
Oh, no, no, that's just a game face.
She can be really self-obsessed.
So there's twice-baked cheesecake and chocolate souffle.
Would that be enough?
You don't like her very much, do you?
Gerry?
No, no, God, I love her.
We travelled through Finland together in the noughties.
We had a ball.
I wouldn't do it now,
but there's a lot of stuff I wouldn't do now.
So you wouldn't recommend sharing a baby with her then?
What?
You don't seriously want a baby, do you?
No, not right now.
Oh, thank Christ.
It's a pretty big reaction.
It's a pretty big decision.
You don't know Gerry like I do.
I mean, they're not the kind of people
that would want the father involved anyway.
How do you know?
Cos they're control freaks.
So are we.
No, no, we're rank amateurs compared to them.
We're practically hippies.
Well, if they didn't want the father involved,
why would they be meeting donors at all?
Why not just order the sperm online?
I don't know.
There'd be a reason.
There's probably some kind of, you know, pre-emptive legal strike.
So have I ordered?
No.
Fuck.
Good evening, room service.
Hello.
Sorry, I've forgotten what I
Um
Mate.
What's going on?
What's going on, man?
Ah, Ains thinks you're going soft on her.
What?
Oh, she doesn't understand why you're going soft on her.
She doesn't understand why you're ghosting her.
You know why, don't you?
Mate, you know what the trick is there?
Don't think about it.
Heather and me are fine, mate.
We've never been better.
She's calling me all the time.
I can't take it.
No, no, we'll take it.
I can't.
Just act natural.
Tell her you'll see her soon.
I was just thinking about you.
What about me?
Ah, just missing you and that.
Nice to hear.
Well, it's nice to say.
I was just wanting to formally invite you to a traditional dinner slash games night
to celebrate Liz being home tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Yeah, I'd love to see you.
Yeah, me too.
It's just, um
Well, the thing is
If you're worried about intruding
Yeah, no, no.
It's not that.
I just, um
I just really want to see you.
Yeah, I really want to see you too.
Hang up, hang up.
I just Sorry, Ainsley.
I just I can't at the minute.
It's just, um
I've had my hair cut.
You idiot.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Yeah, it just hasn't settled right.
I
I don't care what your hair looks like and I think you know that.
You say that now.
But if you saw me
Begger.
Was that Ben?
Yeah, Benny's here.
Oh, sorry, Ains. I've got to go.
I've got a bloody safety breach.
Um
Hey, I'll come tomorrow, OK?
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Oi.
Um, Heather just invited me and made us some board games night at your place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, it's because Lizzie just got back in the country.
So
Oh, Ben.
It is beyond idiotic for you, me and Heather to be in the same place at the same time.
Yeah, no, no, I know.
I'll just say that you're busy or something.
Me can still come.
Don't worry about it.
Thank you.
For fuck's sake.
What?
Oh, Heather's just invited Bec and me around for board games.
No.
Ah, no.
This is all getting next level complicated.
No, no, it's not.
Just put it out of your mind.
Forget about it.
Every day, it's getting harder.
Yeah, but see how it'll get easier.
Like, you've got no memory of 2005, 2006, do you?
No, but maybe that's the problem.
Maybe all that forgetting's cleared out too much space up here
because I'm telling you, mate, I can't think about anything else.
You can.
You will. What day is it?
Is it Tuesday?
Not even close.
You can do it.
Geri didn't seem egotistical to me.
In every second post, she was fostering puppies or supporting a charity.
Hey.
Just wanted to check you weren't kidding about catching up
because we're going to be back on fourth for a bit.
Oh, no, I never kid about socialising.
Neither does Sam.
And I really want you to meet her properly.
We'll be back next week or the one after, so
Meeting more potential donors?
Hopefully. Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you something?
And it's incredibly personal, so obviously I totally understand
if you'd prefer not to answer, but
You can ask me anything you like.
Are you hoping to involve the father
or is it more of a sperm-donor-no-contact situation?
No, we totally want him involved. Absolutely.
I think that's why it's been so difficult.
What about you?
Have you discussed kids with anyone other than Liz?
No, I haven't.
Would you like to?
Don't let me walk out of there without the good cheese
and the corn chips Mary likes.
And I'm not buying the wholemeal tacos. Nobody eats them.
Fair enough.
So you invited Bec and Mia tomorrow?
I did. Mia's in.
Bec hasn't responded yet.
I thought it was more an inner circle, all about Lizzie type of
No, Ains wants at least three teams for trivial pursuits.
The more the merrier.
You know what?
I reckon part of the problem is that Mia feels torn.
Torn? How?
Well, like she has to choose between the two of you.
She doesn't. Yeah, I know that.
But does Mia?
I mean, Bec normally just drops her off at the gate.
It's like a hostage-to-the-border situation.
Maybe if she started coming in, socialising a bit,
you two might look like a united front.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, Bec really wants to come to Morris.
It's just with the baby and
So you've spoken to her?
She called earlier.
She called you to say no to my invitation?
No.
We're chatting anyway.
Does Bec have a problem with me?
What? No, she thinks you're awesome.
OK, well, that's a lie.
She wouldn't use the word awesome. If she did, it wouldn't be about me.
Yeah, she really likes you. She's stoked to get the invite.
But Mia's definitely coming. Bec just wants to see how she goes with the baby.
She'll still want to bring the baby.
now as things really start to heat up on the island,
Bianca can't help but wonder if the declaration of undying love for Justin
may have backfired, given that she's now facing
Oi!
A fucking haircut!
Ed?
You don't want to see Ains because of a haircut.
Yeah.
Take the hard hat off.
I can't. Why not?
Well, a couple of reasons.
Health and safety regulations andembarassment.
Is there someone else?
What? Are you cheating on her?
Me? No. What?
Hang on.
So you're just not into her any more?
Mate, I'm so into her it hurts.
I've loved her for years.
Don't tell her that. You might creep her out.
She's had a shit full of choices in her life.
But you're not meant to be one of them.
I'm not.
Hey!
I sanctioned you as marriage material.
Do you have any idea how rare my stamp of approval is?
I think I do.
I sanctioned three men in my life.
Hugh Jackman, Roger Federer and you.
Hey, I'm on it.
Don't be. I'm on the brink of retracting.
Please don't do that.
You've been warned.
I still don't know some of the auntie's names.
Thank God they all answer to Auntie, eh?
So do they all know?
The whole extended family?
They all know.
I confided in one cousin and she swore she wouldn't tell another soul.
That lasted for about 72 hours.
And how old were you?
Mum still hopes I'll come good.
She pretends not to care just in case she can get some grandkids.
I was 30.
And, um, technically I didn't even do it.
I was outed in front of my mother.
Yeah, she still brings it up.
She's still angry.
Well, of course she is.
You're a disgrace.
So am I.
We brought it on ourselves, Harry.
Sweet.
Does Liz know that you and her are catching up?
Not really.
Why?
I was just curious.
You two have always had a complicated relationship.
Did she say that?
No.
No, no, no.
She loves you.
Just last night she was reminiscing about your Swedish adventures.
It was Finland.
Finland.
Actually, she said that, yeah.
I mean, the truth is, Liz and I
Yeah, our relationship is complicated.
We just come from such different worlds.
We've seen life through different lenses.
And there's some things she just can't understand about me.
But I do adore her.
So do I.
Is it worth Sam and I braving another visit to the B&B?
Couldn't be any worse than last time.
True.
You know, I have been really humbled by all the interest from the UK firms,
but I can't help but lean towards Australia, you know, for lifestyle as much as anything.
Well, there's no finer long-term destination than coming home.
We really prioritise work-life balance, flexible hours
We have staff getaways.
And last year was Margaret River.
This year, we're off to the Kimberleys.
Sorry, Kimberleys.
Yeah, well, I'm actually advocating for a 24-day getaway this year,
though Diane isn't sold.
It's not the length of time.
Isn't it?
No, it's the fact that it involves a three-day camel trek.
Sorry, I am going to have to
I'll be right back.
Forgive me.
Not at all.
Sorry.
Liz.
Hello.
How are you?
Good, good.
Sorry I couldn't pick up.
Oh, no worries.
It's nothing urgent.
I'm just letting you know that Sam and I have booked to come back to the B&B this weekend.
Seriously?
I would have thought the late-night intruder in your bed would have been a deal-breaker,
but no.
I just thought that was part of the package.
It's got to be arranged, of course.
No, actually, Harry and I caught up and
Yeah.
I'd really love him to get to know Sam a bit better.
It's pretty magical.
It is.
Is that OK?
Yeah, yeah.
Fantastic.
As if it makes you uncomfortable in any way.
No, no way it would be.
I know it's something the two of you discussed, having a baby.
No, no.
Sorry, when you say discussed, it was one conversation, very fleeting.
And then Harry shot off and spent the rest of the year exploring open relationships.
What?
No, you very quickly pivoted from babies to, well, I'm just going to say it, group sex.
No, not that there's anything wrong with that, but, you know, Harry's so young, you know,
he owes it to himself to explore.
Yeah, he just seems so composed and certain.
Oh, that's just his face.
Don't get me wrong, though, he would make a magnificent father, absolutely magnificent,
you know, when the time comes, probably in his 40s.
How old is he now?
I do remember talking about games a lot.
I remember a lot of back and forth about which game we should play, but I don't remember
actually playing any.
Never played a game.
Well, we did, and we loved it, and we're doing it again.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I don't remember, did we ever play that?
We didn't.
Okay?
You happy now?
I tried and tried, and every time you would all argue about which game we should play,
and every time you'd just crack the shits and give up, well, not tonight.
Tonight, we will not complain.
Heather, we will not step away.
We will play.
And we will have fun.
You look like you've had a lot of hot air blown up your
Oh, thank you, Heather. Yeah, I've had a lovely day.
Okay.
So, um, you caught up with Gerry.
Yeah.
You realise that she's very serious about finding a donor?
I do.
I mean, that the woman's taking daily fall at something, that's when she wants to do it soon.
I know.
Were you not ready for that?
It was one casual catch-up, and how do you know what I'm ready for?
Harry, I've known Gerry for 20 years.
You've met her a handful of times.
Can we just pick this up later?
Yeah, of course.
Hey, guys.
Ah, Mia.
It's so good to see you.
It's good to see you too.
Why do you sound Irish?
Thank you.
I think it's more British.
No, no, it's English, man.
It's bullshit is what it is.
One, two, three, four, five.
Roll again.
What is the smallest country in the world?
New Zealand.
No, no, it's not New Zealand.
That's not our answer.
Time out.
Well, what's smaller in New Zealand?
I'm thinking Monaco.
No.
Monaco is huge.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
Monaco is huge.
It's got all the sand and camels.
Oh, my God.
That's Monaco.
No, no.
Monaco is about the size of a casino.
Is that your final answer?
Yeah, yeah.
Lock it in.
Incorrect.
It's Vatican City.
Oh, bullshit.
That's not even a country.
Read it and weep.
No, you're good.
Five.
One, two, three, four, five.
Hey, hey.
It's not our time.
So, uh, Rebecca's definitely not coming.
She just dropped me off and turned away.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I think she's had babysitter issues.
And what about Simo?
Ainsley is quietly going to pieces.
You need to find out what's going on.
What?
What do you mean?
I mean, call him.
You want me to do it?
No, no.
Can I just go to the loo first?
Yeah, yeah.
OK, here's your territory.
OK.
All right.
What does HTTP stand for?
Uh, hyper
It's hypertext.
Yes, that's
Wait, that's good.
That's not helpful, Liz.
Sorry, sorry.
Hypertext
Transmit
Protocol
Protocol
Tr
Trans
Translate
Translate
Plug
Hypertext transfer protocol.
Correct.
Boom.
Well, I mean, we had it actually locked in our file.
And
I told you she had to show.
OK.
OK, Mia, you're up.
OK.
Three, one, two, three
Entertainment.
Yeah.
OK.
OK.
That's
Oh, you're shitting me.
Here, just read the question.
Any idiot could answer this.
What?
What's the question?
Sorry, but it's true.
No, no.
Um, Gerry and Sam just cancelled their B&B booking.
What did they say?
What's the question?
Nothing.
It's just
It's just a
It's a
It's a
It's a
What's the question?
Nothing.
It's just cancelled.
Oh, this is bullshit.
Sorry.
What British girl group had members including Baby Posh and Scary?
It's the Spice Girls.
Of course it fucking is.
Sorry, Mia.
Did you speak to Gerry?
Yeah, I spoke to her this afternoon briefly.
OK, blue team, your roll.
Guess it didn't take you long to make a point then.
What point?
What's this?
Nothing.
One, two, three, four.
Science for the blues.
What did you say to her?
I know I said a number of things.
What about me?
I said that you'd be an incredible father.
Sorry, who was asking?
No-one.
OK, who was the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize?
I know this one.
You're not seriously thinking of having a baby, are you?
No, and if I was, it wouldn't be a group date.
It would be a group discussion.
Are we talking about Gerry and Sam?
No, Mia, can you just please repeat the question?
Who was the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize?
Don't say anything.
Is it the first chick to fly solo around the world?
Amelia O'Hara?
Amelia
You're better than this.
Better than a parent?
Yes.
Don't waste your life on kids.
What if you don't get a good one?
This is why it's not a group discussion.
Alright, what's the answer?
Marie Curie.
Oh, look at the accent.
Harry, I think you'd be a beautiful father.
Yeah, mate, if it means anything to you, I reckon you'd do a way better job than I did.
It's cos you ran the people telly.
OK, thank you all for your input.
Harry, we're all just trying to protect you.
Oh, please.
Sorry, Ains.
Hey, mate.
Hey.
Evening, all.
Sorry I'm late.
Got held up at work.
Who's Winnie?
Suits you, mate.
When I moved into that house, I really felt like I'd found my people.
But every once in a while, there was a reminder.
We weren't in the same boat at all.
We could go back to basics.
Get a number two or one even.
Just go full crew cut.
Only problem there is the shape of the old noggin.
It wasn't just the haircut, was it?
You were avoiding me.
Yeah.
I found something out that I wasn't supposed to know
and I swore I wouldn't tell you.
But I swear to God, it's got nothing to do with you or me or us.
I love you so much.
Probably too much in some ways.
I love you too.
Is it about Ben?
It's nothing to worry about.
Is it Ben and Heather?
It is, isn't it?
Yeah.
Is it something big?
It's big, isn't it?
Ains, I'm begging you, please.
Just put it out of your mind.
Just trust me, OK?
You really don't want to know.
Is it a surprise?
Hey.
Oh my God.
Is Ben going to propose?
Shh.
Oh my God.
I just thought it would have been nice for the kids
to have both of you around.
I know.
I thought Bec and I were in a good place.
Yeah, you were. You still are.
No, something's changed.
I haven't offended her, have I?
A bit jumpy.
No, you're good, Heather. You're fine.
We're fine. Everything's good.
Good evening.
I'd like to get a message to one of your guests,
Miss Geri Hayward.
Yeah, of course. Just a moment.
If you could let her know that Elizabeth Wendell is here.
Let me see what I can do for you.
Just take a seat, Miss Wendell.
Won't be too long.
Thank you.
Hey, Ashley, can we get a Miss Geri Hayward down the hallway, please?
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
I'm not 100% sure.
I just know that it'll involve grovelling
and a major mea culpa.
Harry, you're right. I've been awful.
I think I've descended to a new level of awful,
but I'm here to rectify it.
I just think maybe we should give each other some space.
No, that's the exact opposite of what we need.
Just
Hey.
Hey.
Is everything okay?
Almost.
Harry's here for a genuine visit.
I'm here for a quick retraction or explanation
or some kind of self-flagellation.
Just regarding what I said about Harry earlier, just
Geri, if I made you think that he's not ready to become a father,
I'm an idiot, because he was born ready.
He's the most nurturing, loyal, emotionally available human being I know.
I mean, he's 10 years younger than me and he practically raised me.
You're over-correcting.
And he's honest and humble and intelligent and brave
and he will be a magnificent father.
We've only had one very brief conversation.
Whatever the situation is, if you're considering Harry, he'd be worth it.
Because he is worth it.
And on that note, I'll bid you adieu.
Do you have to go after her?
No, she's absolutely fine.
What happened to the suite?
Checked out.
I was never going to accept their offer and I started feeling guilty
after I emptied the mini bar.
So are you waiting up for me or is the jailhack kicking in?
A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.
So, how was Gerry?
Really good.
We haven't actually talked about kids yet.
I've got no idea where it'll go from here.
Well, I pushed back my flight.
I've still got interviews to do.
I haven't got my results.
I feel like I just got here.
How's Stuart feel about that?
Well, he's already half expecting it.
You haven't told him yet, have you?
Harry, I genuinely had no idea that you were ready to start a family.
Neither did I.
Until I met Gerry.
I know how weird that must be for you.
It's not weird.
Yeah, it is.
You're a good kid, Harry.
But I will welcome that weirdness.
You know, no matter what happens, you'll always be my go-to.
I know.
You're going to tell me what the fuck have you done to your face because you look incredible.
Okay, it's called the Ultrapod Sculptor 3000.
They recommend administering of 10 treatments on a handful.
Mm-hm.
Next time on Five Bedrooms
I'll let the cat out of the bag.
You what?
Simo told me Ben is planning to propose.
Is he insane?
I love her.
My man loves her.
Are you and Colin actually divorced?
Legally?
Sorry, why are we having this conversation?
I've said too much.
I'm sorry.
Just leave that out of your mind.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Well, he really needs a ring.
Something like that.
Yeah, wrap him up.
I'm not making a big deal.
Liz is an old friend and I know that room is helping to fund her degree so
You scared the hell out of me.
The thing is she doesn't feel ready to talk to you.
What?
Maybe she should go over there.
It's a bit late.
Not many blokes that have the balls to turn up for their ex the way you turned up tonight.
Mate, just for me, for now. Just bury it.
Walk away.
Morning.
Good morning.
I just wanted to follow up in person.
I have a little boy.
Congratulations.
Wow, how do we know he's not a single dad?
He's not single.
How do you know?
He had a boyfriend.
Two years ago.
Counting down the days till Liz came home
My only headlines were a half-hearted body transformation
and a second, even more mortifying run-in with my ex.
I'm sorry.
Harry.
Hi.
I thought it was you.
Then I thought, no it's not, you don't stroll anymore, you have a baby.
It's portable, so in fact it could be you.
And it is.
Harry, have you met Jack?
No, I don't think I
Oh no, you have. Met me. We've met.
Just once, a long time ago before little
Arlo.
Arlo, yeah.
Arlo was born, yeah.
Oh, that's
God, he looks like you.
We actually used Jack's
Of course you did. I mean, you're a walking god.
Thanks.
I mean, you're unusually handsome.
Not that you're not.
He is absolutely gorgeous.
Hello there, little man.
He probably won't wave back.
I mean, he has done it a few times, right?
He's not very interactive.
And how are you?
Good, yeah.
You know, just the same.
Yeah.
Everyone was buzzing with fresh hope,
new relationships, new opportunities, new horizons.
Not a decibel of that buzz came from me.
You don't have to. That would be great.
Oh my God, you're blended.
Just clear the air, I'm INGD free.
Am I getting cabbed?
I'm on my way. We're on the other side of customs.
I'm not getting cabbed.
I'm on my way. We're on the other side of customs.
I'm happy, Dad.
No one had achieved more in the last 10 months than Liz.
This trip home was a three-week pit stop
in her race for world domination.
But I was exactly where she'd left me.
Yep, chill town. Yep, stay still. Yep.
You looking? Yep.
Smile.
You look exactly the same.
You look five years younger.
Have you had a little something-something done?
It's just an amazing expo in a year of no QV life.
And how are we feeling about the exam? Still feeling good?
Oh, Harry, it was just, it was like
I was channelling a higher version of myself.
It was like I knew the answer and the essay just poured out of me.
I already poked it before.
When are you getting the results?
In four weeks.
You know, I'm gonna be back in the UK by then,
so I don't even want to think about it while I'm here.
And what about your hubby? How's he?
We're in this new and exciting phase.
It's like, OK, so you're at our relationship.
Stuart's always been the Beyonce of the relationship
and I've been, like, the Kelly.
But in Cambridge, I'm empirically the Beyonce
and he's not even the Kelly, he's like the Michelle.
Suits him.
And I want to do you, cos I haven't stopped talking.
What's been happening with you? What have you got?
Well, not much.
And also, oh, and bonus breaking news,
after we check in with the others at the house,
you and I, well, strictly speaking, I,
are checking into the Montgomery.
What? Why?
Because someone else is paying.
I'm being ruined, my friend.
By who?
By three of Melbourne's top legal firms.
And counting.
I don't like to use the term bidding more,
but that's essentially what's happening.
Yeah, I don't even know if you've passed yet.
I know, it's the Cambridge prestige.
Temple and Marsh are forking out a week in a suite
at the Montgomery with a star package.
They're being counted by Stroh Legal,
who are paying me to talk about my masters
at a fully catered vegan cocktail party.
Well, all sounds amazing.
Maybe till you face that.
No, sorry, I just
I was just really hoping for you and me and gin on the couch.
We'll totally, totally be doing that, Harry.
It's just gonna be little bottles of gin and a better couch.
Are you having a sunroof?
Well, at least it's freezing.
I don't care.
Symbolism.
Go for some new furniture as well.
What's going on?
Oh my God!
Look at you!
You look incredible.
I'm getting a male plenty boy.
Oh, I love you.
Oh, I miss you all so much.
I just, I don't even have words.
Say that again.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
How do you not look jet lagged?
She flew to the U.S.
Champagne and Valium.
Oh, and actually business.
This can't be all you get, is it?
Oh, no, no, no.
There's considerably more.
All matching.
It's just in the car.
She's staying at the Montgomery.
Well, you don't want to stay with us.
No, no, of course I do.
I've just, I've been offered this suite by this firm that I'm in talks with.
It's only for the first week and I'll be here all the time anyway,
except when I'm at the day spa.
So this is just a drive by?
It's not a drive by.
Ainsley's been baking for two days.
I don't know about perfected, those gluten free muffins.
Yeah, I don't know about perfected.
Did you get that second unit essay in on time or are you still hating it?
What does it sound like Kylie Minogue?
Heather!
What?
Don't tell me you can't hear it.
I can't.
Hear what?
Yes, I'm still hating it.
Just, you know, the being on campus, being 500 years older than everyone else.
Oh, not everyone.
And here's a fresh bit of salt in the wound.
Timmy is now in one of my classes.
They refuse to acknowledge me in any way and you know what?
It's fair enough.
How's the mayor?
Yeah, she's good.
Did she move in?
No, no, she thought about it for a red hot minute,
but she's been around a bit more.
Oh, that must be lovely.
No, not really, at first, but we got there.
Is everything okay with Rebecca?
Yeah, she's rock solid.
No worries there at all.
Would you say that?
I mean, given that Mia's been texting every day, begging to get away from her.
Yeah, right.
Don't panic.
I'm not panicking.
Okay, Ames, you're it.
You and Simo, has he still been escalating the wild romantic gestures?
Just tell me every single thing.
You don't want that.
Yeah, I do.
Well, I don't.
It's like living in a Morgan Mindy episode.
It's still a bit of a love fest and heads not into it.
Come on, I reckon it's beautiful.
It's been the highlight of my day for months now.
It has been beautiful.
Has been?
Oh, no, no, it still is a lot of the time.
It's a very beautiful, rich tapestry and also very confusing.
Just lately.
I don't know, it feels like he's been pulling away from me a bit.
Oh, what?
Well, he was supposed to be here now, but he pretended he had to work late.
That he knows pretending?
No, the thing is, he has got this pathological fear of intruding.
Yeah, that does sound true.
But also, I think I might have spooked him.
Oh, that's not possible.
Well, I think it started after I told him I loved him for the first time.
You told him you loved him.
Shit, that's not good.
You said it how?
Just a straight up blurt.
And what did he say?
Nothing.
He probably didn't hear you.
I was this close to his ear.
No, Ayns, seriously, that bloke would walk across hot coals for you.
He's just got his own processes and bloody challenges.
Yeah.
Anyway, Liz, in honour of your return, I am organising a traditional dinner slash games night with the extended band.
What's the games about?
Board games, obviously.
Did we play board games?
Not really.
Just let me know what night works best for you.
Oh, okay, I will absolutely. I'll just check my calendar.
Your calendar?
You're grasping at straws.
I'm not the one grasping.
Oh, she's too good for us now.
She's not even denying it.
Just one more stop.
What?
I promised to have a drink with Gerry.
Not B&B, Gerry.
I know, sorry.
It's just that's the only time she could do it and I couldn't say no.
You promised me spa time at the Montgomery.
It's going to be an hour at most and then we're just going to have so much spa time.
We're both going to be human prunes.
Can't I just drop you off?
No, no, just one drink.
She's your friend.
I barely know her.
No, no, I need you there, Harry, just to casually and organically weave a hail of praise about me into the conversation.
Seriously?
I have lost count of the number of times I've come second to this woman.
She's dwarfed my every achievement for two decades.
Now finally coming off the Masters, I may have the upper hand.
So you basically just want me there to talk up Cambridge?
Well, not just Cambridge, there's quite a bit to cover.
Whipped up a chee-cheek for you on the plane.
Why don't you just tell her yourself?
I have to pretend to be uncomfortable with the attention.
Come on, please.
You know I'd do it for you.
Oh, she's here.
Stay loose.
She has not aged a fucking day.
Oh, my God.
Look at you.
Look at you.
Oh.
Are you aging in reverse?
Seriously, have you done something non-surgical?
Starting every day with about a litre of cold-pressed kale juice.
Now, you remember Harry?
Of course.
Can I just apologise again for the whole accommodation experience?
Oh, no.
Don't.
I mean, it was genuinely disturbing, but there was also stuff going on for us.
Nothing serious.
Let's get a drink.
Yes.
I still can't believe you got in.
I can't even tell you how it felt.
And, you know, when I stepped foot on campus for the first time,
I just felt this sense ofit's belonging.
That doesn't surprise me at all.
So, have you had any offers yet?
Nothing in writing.
She's basically drowning in offers, and she hasn't even had her results yet.
So, are you leaning more towards a UK firm or?
Oh, I'm not open to Australian firms,
but I will say that the UK offers are substantially higher, you know.
But we know how much I love a European summer.
Anyway, enough about me.
I mean, what do you think of me?
So, how is it being partner?
How's Sam?
She's good.
Yeah, she's good.
She's a little frustrated at the moment.
I mean, we both are.
We're trying for a baby.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we haven't really been telling anyone at all.
Congratulations. That's beyond exciting.
Let's not pop the champagne just yet.
We've got a bit to go.
Are you going through IVF or?
No, actually. We're looking for a donor.
We're in Melbourne. We were meeting someone.
Way to go.
Not great.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Probably didn't help that he was hand-selected by my mum.
That woman is grossly over-invested in every aspect of my life.
Oh, my God. So is mine.
No, no, no, no, no, mine.
Mine is next level, according to her,
and she will admit this with little to no prompting.
My sole purpose is to provide her with grandchildren.
OK.
I know for a fact that if my mother had to choose between my life
and the life of her unborn, unconceived grandchild,
she would kill me with her bare hands.
She would not.
I'm quoting her directly.
We are talking about the same woman.
OK, give me your top three most suffocating moments.
Oh, emotionally or spiritually?
Both.
You know, for a while there,
Harry's mother was terrified that he and I might have a baby together.
She was terrified.
But we sensed the potential for disaster and we steered well clear.
I thought the steering clear was less about mum
and more about what you wanted.
So you weren't seriously thinking about it?
Absolutely. No, not seri
I've always known I wanted to have kids.
You know, I think one of the reasons I was so scared of coming out
was because I knew it would make it harder to have kids.
That was huge for me.
Shall we get another round?
Actually, we've got to
I'll get it.
Same.
Same.
I'll get it. Same.
Oh, no, this looks good.
Yeah. Good.
Can we please order some food?
I should have ordered at the bar.
I wanted to, but you wouldn't let me.
I was trying to get out of there.
Oh, my God, you should see the size of this shower head.
Sorry, heads. Plural.
I'm going to make it my mission to conquer them all.
OK.
OK, what do we feel like?
How well do you know Gerry's wife?
Oh, I've only met her a few times.
She's not that much younger than Gerry,
but she's got that real Gen Y vibe, you know,
like that whole,
I know what's wrong with the world
and I'm going to tell you how to fix it kind of energy.
You know, a lot of ego, like more than Gerry.
I didn't get a big ego vibe from Gerry.
Oh, no, no, that's just a game face.
She can be really self-obsessed.
So there's twice-baked cheesecake and chocolate souffle.
Would that be enough?
You don't like her very much, do you?
Gerry?
No, no, God, I love her.
We travelled through Finland together in the noughties.
We had a ball.
I wouldn't do it now,
but there's a lot of stuff I wouldn't do now.
So you wouldn't recommend sharing a baby with her then?
What?
You don't seriously want a baby, do you?
No, not right now.
Oh, thank Christ.
It's a pretty big reaction.
It's a pretty big decision.
You don't know Gerry like I do.
I mean, they're not the kind of people
that would want the father involved anyway.
How do you know?
Cos they're control freaks.
So are we.
No, no, we're rank amateurs compared to them.
We're practically hippies.
Well, if they didn't want the father involved,
why would they be meeting donors at all?
Why not just order the sperm online?
I don't know.
There'd be a reason.
There's probably some kind of, you know, pre-emptive legal strike.
So have I ordered?
No.
Fuck.
Good evening, room service.
Hello.
Sorry, I've forgotten what I
Um
Mate.
What's going on?
What's going on, man?
Ah, Ains thinks you're going soft on her.
What?
Oh, she doesn't understand why you're going soft on her.
She doesn't understand why you're ghosting her.
You know why, don't you?
Mate, you know what the trick is there?
Don't think about it.
Heather and me are fine, mate.
We've never been better.
She's calling me all the time.
I can't take it.
No, no, we'll take it.
I can't.
Just act natural.
Tell her you'll see her soon.
I was just thinking about you.
What about me?
Ah, just missing you and that.
Nice to hear.
Well, it's nice to say.
I was just wanting to formally invite you to a traditional dinner slash games night
to celebrate Liz being home tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Yeah, I'd love to see you.
Yeah, me too.
It's just, um
Well, the thing is
If you're worried about intruding
Yeah, no, no.
It's not that.
I just, um
I just really want to see you.
Yeah, I really want to see you too.
Hang up, hang up.
I just Sorry, Ainsley.
I just I can't at the minute.
It's just, um
I've had my hair cut.
You idiot.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Yeah, it just hasn't settled right.
I
I don't care what your hair looks like and I think you know that.
You say that now.
But if you saw me
Begger.
Was that Ben?
Yeah, Benny's here.
Oh, sorry, Ains. I've got to go.
I've got a bloody safety breach.
Um
Hey, I'll come tomorrow, OK?
I'll be there as soon as I can.
Oi.
Um, Heather just invited me and made us some board games night at your place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, it's because Lizzie just got back in the country.
So
Oh, Ben.
It is beyond idiotic for you, me and Heather to be in the same place at the same time.
Yeah, no, no, I know.
I'll just say that you're busy or something.
Me can still come.
Don't worry about it.
Thank you.
For fuck's sake.
What?
Oh, Heather's just invited Bec and me around for board games.
No.
Ah, no.
This is all getting next level complicated.
No, no, it's not.
Just put it out of your mind.
Forget about it.
Every day, it's getting harder.
Yeah, but see how it'll get easier.
Like, you've got no memory of 2005, 2006, do you?
No, but maybe that's the problem.
Maybe all that forgetting's cleared out too much space up here
because I'm telling you, mate, I can't think about anything else.
You can.
You will. What day is it?
Is it Tuesday?
Not even close.
You can do it.
Geri didn't seem egotistical to me.
In every second post, she was fostering puppies or supporting a charity.
Hey.
Just wanted to check you weren't kidding about catching up
because we're going to be back on fourth for a bit.
Oh, no, I never kid about socialising.
Neither does Sam.
And I really want you to meet her properly.
We'll be back next week or the one after, so
Meeting more potential donors?
Hopefully. Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you something?
And it's incredibly personal, so obviously I totally understand
if you'd prefer not to answer, but
You can ask me anything you like.
Are you hoping to involve the father
or is it more of a sperm-donor-no-contact situation?
No, we totally want him involved. Absolutely.
I think that's why it's been so difficult.
What about you?
Have you discussed kids with anyone other than Liz?
No, I haven't.
Would you like to?
Don't let me walk out of there without the good cheese
and the corn chips Mary likes.
And I'm not buying the wholemeal tacos. Nobody eats them.
Fair enough.
So you invited Bec and Mia tomorrow?
I did. Mia's in.
Bec hasn't responded yet.
I thought it was more an inner circle, all about Lizzie type of
No, Ains wants at least three teams for trivial pursuits.
The more the merrier.
You know what?
I reckon part of the problem is that Mia feels torn.
Torn? How?
Well, like she has to choose between the two of you.
She doesn't. Yeah, I know that.
But does Mia?
I mean, Bec normally just drops her off at the gate.
It's like a hostage-to-the-border situation.
Maybe if she started coming in, socialising a bit,
you two might look like a united front.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, Bec really wants to come to Morris.
It's just with the baby and
So you've spoken to her?
She called earlier.
She called you to say no to my invitation?
No.
We're chatting anyway.
Does Bec have a problem with me?
What? No, she thinks you're awesome.
OK, well, that's a lie.
She wouldn't use the word awesome. If she did, it wouldn't be about me.
Yeah, she really likes you. She's stoked to get the invite.
But Mia's definitely coming. Bec just wants to see how she goes with the baby.
She'll still want to bring the baby.
now as things really start to heat up on the island,
Bianca can't help but wonder if the declaration of undying love for Justin
may have backfired, given that she's now facing
Oi!
A fucking haircut!
Ed?
You don't want to see Ains because of a haircut.
Yeah.
Take the hard hat off.
I can't. Why not?
Well, a couple of reasons.
Health and safety regulations andembarassment.
Is there someone else?
What? Are you cheating on her?
Me? No. What?
Hang on.
So you're just not into her any more?
Mate, I'm so into her it hurts.
I've loved her for years.
Don't tell her that. You might creep her out.
She's had a shit full of choices in her life.
But you're not meant to be one of them.
I'm not.
Hey!
I sanctioned you as marriage material.
Do you have any idea how rare my stamp of approval is?
I think I do.
I sanctioned three men in my life.
Hugh Jackman, Roger Federer and you.
Hey, I'm on it.
Don't be. I'm on the brink of retracting.
Please don't do that.
You've been warned.
I still don't know some of the auntie's names.
Thank God they all answer to Auntie, eh?
So do they all know?
The whole extended family?
They all know.
I confided in one cousin and she swore she wouldn't tell another soul.
That lasted for about 72 hours.
And how old were you?
Mum still hopes I'll come good.
She pretends not to care just in case she can get some grandkids.
I was 30.
And, um, technically I didn't even do it.
I was outed in front of my mother.
Yeah, she still brings it up.
She's still angry.
Well, of course she is.
You're a disgrace.
So am I.
We brought it on ourselves, Harry.
Sweet.
Does Liz know that you and her are catching up?
Not really.
Why?
I was just curious.
You two have always had a complicated relationship.
Did she say that?
No.
No, no, no.
She loves you.
Just last night she was reminiscing about your Swedish adventures.
It was Finland.
Finland.
Actually, she said that, yeah.
I mean, the truth is, Liz and I
Yeah, our relationship is complicated.
We just come from such different worlds.
We've seen life through different lenses.
And there's some things she just can't understand about me.
But I do adore her.
So do I.
Is it worth Sam and I braving another visit to the B&B?
Couldn't be any worse than last time.
True.
You know, I have been really humbled by all the interest from the UK firms,
but I can't help but lean towards Australia, you know, for lifestyle as much as anything.
Well, there's no finer long-term destination than coming home.
We really prioritise work-life balance, flexible hours
We have staff getaways.
And last year was Margaret River.
This year, we're off to the Kimberleys.
Sorry, Kimberleys.
Yeah, well, I'm actually advocating for a 24-day getaway this year,
though Diane isn't sold.
It's not the length of time.
Isn't it?
No, it's the fact that it involves a three-day camel trek.
Sorry, I am going to have to
I'll be right back.
Forgive me.
Not at all.
Sorry.
Liz.
Hello.
How are you?
Good, good.
Sorry I couldn't pick up.
Oh, no worries.
It's nothing urgent.
I'm just letting you know that Sam and I have booked to come back to the B&B this weekend.
Seriously?
I would have thought the late-night intruder in your bed would have been a deal-breaker,
but no.
I just thought that was part of the package.
It's got to be arranged, of course.
No, actually, Harry and I caught up and
Yeah.
I'd really love him to get to know Sam a bit better.
It's pretty magical.
It is.
Is that OK?
Yeah, yeah.
Fantastic.
As if it makes you uncomfortable in any way.
No, no way it would be.
I know it's something the two of you discussed, having a baby.
No, no.
Sorry, when you say discussed, it was one conversation, very fleeting.
And then Harry shot off and spent the rest of the year exploring open relationships.
What?
No, you very quickly pivoted from babies to, well, I'm just going to say it, group sex.
No, not that there's anything wrong with that, but, you know, Harry's so young, you know,
he owes it to himself to explore.
Yeah, he just seems so composed and certain.
Oh, that's just his face.
Don't get me wrong, though, he would make a magnificent father, absolutely magnificent,
you know, when the time comes, probably in his 40s.
How old is he now?
I do remember talking about games a lot.
I remember a lot of back and forth about which game we should play, but I don't remember
actually playing any.
Never played a game.
Well, we did, and we loved it, and we're doing it again.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I don't remember, did we ever play that?
We didn't.
Okay?
You happy now?
I tried and tried, and every time you would all argue about which game we should play,
and every time you'd just crack the shits and give up, well, not tonight.
Tonight, we will not complain.
Heather, we will not step away.
We will play.
And we will have fun.
You look like you've had a lot of hot air blown up your
Oh, thank you, Heather. Yeah, I've had a lovely day.
Okay.
So, um, you caught up with Gerry.
Yeah.
You realise that she's very serious about finding a donor?
I do.
I mean, that the woman's taking daily fall at something, that's when she wants to do it soon.
I know.
Were you not ready for that?
It was one casual catch-up, and how do you know what I'm ready for?
Harry, I've known Gerry for 20 years.
You've met her a handful of times.
Can we just pick this up later?
Yeah, of course.
Hey, guys.
Ah, Mia.
It's so good to see you.
It's good to see you too.
Why do you sound Irish?
Thank you.
I think it's more British.
No, no, it's English, man.
It's bullshit is what it is.
One, two, three, four, five.
Roll again.
What is the smallest country in the world?
New Zealand.
No, no, it's not New Zealand.
That's not our answer.
Time out.
Well, what's smaller in New Zealand?
I'm thinking Monaco.
No.
Monaco is huge.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
It's got the biggest city in the world.
Monaco is huge.
It's got all the sand and camels.
Oh, my God.
That's Monaco.
No, no.
Monaco is about the size of a casino.
Is that your final answer?
Yeah, yeah.
Lock it in.
Incorrect.
It's Vatican City.
Oh, bullshit.
That's not even a country.
Read it and weep.
No, you're good.
Five.
One, two, three, four, five.
Hey, hey.
It's not our time.
So, uh, Rebecca's definitely not coming.
She just dropped me off and turned away.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I think she's had babysitter issues.
And what about Simo?
Ainsley is quietly going to pieces.
You need to find out what's going on.
What?
What do you mean?
I mean, call him.
You want me to do it?
No, no.
Can I just go to the loo first?
Yeah, yeah.
OK, here's your territory.
OK.
All right.
What does HTTP stand for?
Uh, hyper
It's hypertext.
Yes, that's
Wait, that's good.
That's not helpful, Liz.
Sorry, sorry.
Hypertext
Transmit
Protocol
Protocol
Tr
Trans
Translate
Translate
Plug
Hypertext transfer protocol.
Correct.
Boom.
Well, I mean, we had it actually locked in our file.
And
I told you she had to show.
OK.
OK, Mia, you're up.
OK.
Three, one, two, three
Entertainment.
Yeah.
OK.
OK.
That's
Oh, you're shitting me.
Here, just read the question.
Any idiot could answer this.
What?
What's the question?
Sorry, but it's true.
No, no.
Um, Gerry and Sam just cancelled their B&B booking.
What did they say?
What's the question?
Nothing.
It's just
It's just a
It's a
It's a
It's a
What's the question?
Nothing.
It's just cancelled.
Oh, this is bullshit.
Sorry.
What British girl group had members including Baby Posh and Scary?
It's the Spice Girls.
Of course it fucking is.
Sorry, Mia.
Did you speak to Gerry?
Yeah, I spoke to her this afternoon briefly.
OK, blue team, your roll.
Guess it didn't take you long to make a point then.
What point?
What's this?
Nothing.
One, two, three, four.
Science for the blues.
What did you say to her?
I know I said a number of things.
What about me?
I said that you'd be an incredible father.
Sorry, who was asking?
No-one.
OK, who was the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize?
I know this one.
You're not seriously thinking of having a baby, are you?
No, and if I was, it wouldn't be a group date.
It would be a group discussion.
Are we talking about Gerry and Sam?
No, Mia, can you just please repeat the question?
Who was the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize?
Don't say anything.
Is it the first chick to fly solo around the world?
Amelia O'Hara?
Amelia
You're better than this.
Better than a parent?
Yes.
Don't waste your life on kids.
What if you don't get a good one?
This is why it's not a group discussion.
Alright, what's the answer?
Marie Curie.
Oh, look at the accent.
Harry, I think you'd be a beautiful father.
Yeah, mate, if it means anything to you, I reckon you'd do a way better job than I did.
It's cos you ran the people telly.
OK, thank you all for your input.
Harry, we're all just trying to protect you.
Oh, please.
Sorry, Ains.
Hey, mate.
Hey.
Evening, all.
Sorry I'm late.
Got held up at work.
Who's Winnie?
Suits you, mate.
When I moved into that house, I really felt like I'd found my people.
But every once in a while, there was a reminder.
We weren't in the same boat at all.
We could go back to basics.
Get a number two or one even.
Just go full crew cut.
Only problem there is the shape of the old noggin.
It wasn't just the haircut, was it?
You were avoiding me.
Yeah.
I found something out that I wasn't supposed to know
and I swore I wouldn't tell you.
But I swear to God, it's got nothing to do with you or me or us.
I love you so much.
Probably too much in some ways.
I love you too.
Is it about Ben?
It's nothing to worry about.
Is it Ben and Heather?
It is, isn't it?
Yeah.
Is it something big?
It's big, isn't it?
Ains, I'm begging you, please.
Just put it out of your mind.
Just trust me, OK?
You really don't want to know.
Is it a surprise?
Hey.
Oh my God.
Is Ben going to propose?
Shh.
Oh my God.
I just thought it would have been nice for the kids
to have both of you around.
I know.
I thought Bec and I were in a good place.
Yeah, you were. You still are.
No, something's changed.
I haven't offended her, have I?
A bit jumpy.
No, you're good, Heather. You're fine.
We're fine. Everything's good.
Good evening.
I'd like to get a message to one of your guests,
Miss Geri Hayward.
Yeah, of course. Just a moment.
If you could let her know that Elizabeth Wendell is here.
Let me see what I can do for you.
Just take a seat, Miss Wendell.
Won't be too long.
Thank you.
Hey, Ashley, can we get a Miss Geri Hayward down the hallway, please?
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
I'm not 100% sure.
I just know that it'll involve grovelling
and a major mea culpa.
Harry, you're right. I've been awful.
I think I've descended to a new level of awful,
but I'm here to rectify it.
I just think maybe we should give each other some space.
No, that's the exact opposite of what we need.
Just
Hey.
Hey.
Is everything okay?
Almost.
Harry's here for a genuine visit.
I'm here for a quick retraction or explanation
or some kind of self-flagellation.
Just regarding what I said about Harry earlier, just
Geri, if I made you think that he's not ready to become a father,
I'm an idiot, because he was born ready.
He's the most nurturing, loyal, emotionally available human being I know.
I mean, he's 10 years younger than me and he practically raised me.
You're over-correcting.
And he's honest and humble and intelligent and brave
and he will be a magnificent father.
We've only had one very brief conversation.
Whatever the situation is, if you're considering Harry, he'd be worth it.
Because he is worth it.
And on that note, I'll bid you adieu.
Do you have to go after her?
No, she's absolutely fine.
What happened to the suite?
Checked out.
I was never going to accept their offer and I started feeling guilty
after I emptied the mini bar.
So are you waiting up for me or is the jailhack kicking in?
A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.
So, how was Gerry?
Really good.
We haven't actually talked about kids yet.
I've got no idea where it'll go from here.
Well, I pushed back my flight.
I've still got interviews to do.
I haven't got my results.
I feel like I just got here.
How's Stuart feel about that?
Well, he's already half expecting it.
You haven't told him yet, have you?
Harry, I genuinely had no idea that you were ready to start a family.
Neither did I.
Until I met Gerry.
I know how weird that must be for you.
It's not weird.
Yeah, it is.
You're a good kid, Harry.
But I will welcome that weirdness.
You know, no matter what happens, you'll always be my go-to.
I know.
You're going to tell me what the fuck have you done to your face because you look incredible.
Okay, it's called the Ultrapod Sculptor 3000.
They recommend administering of 10 treatments on a handful.
Mm-hm.
Next time on Five Bedrooms
I'll let the cat out of the bag.
You what?
Simo told me Ben is planning to propose.
Is he insane?
I love her.
My man loves her.
Are you and Colin actually divorced?
Legally?
Sorry, why are we having this conversation?
I've said too much.
I'm sorry.
Just leave that out of your mind.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Well, he really needs a ring.
Something like that.
Yeah, wrap him up.
I'm not making a big deal.