Franklin and Bash (2011) s03e02 Episode Script
Dead and Alive
Oh, my God! Oh! So, I see you've met Gus.
Gus used to guard a Ming Dynasty Imperial tomb.
So, he comes with the house? Oh, yes.
You see, Pindar hates the place.
I hate it.
And no jacuzzi? Well, sorry.
No spa.
However We do have this.
Come on.
Wow! Hu Jintao lost this sanctuary to me in a mah-jongg tournament.
Oh, I could get used to this.
I think you'll find the monthly lease most agreeable.
My sinusitis inflammation has completely disappeared.
Look.
Perfect point break at the end of the beach.
I could suffer here.
We'll take it.
- Splendid! So, this guy was in Nam with your dad? Oh, yeah.
1st Battalion, 7th Cavalry.
They were ambushed in LZ Albany together back in 65.
Did they make it out alive? Sorry we're late.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm Jordan.
This is my uncle Donald.
Peter, you look just like your old man.
Oh.
My dad has told me a lot about you, sir.
Have a seat.
What can we do to help? Well You're looking at a dead man.
Because of a clerical error, the VFA has declared me deceased.
As a result, my credit, my benefit checks all cut off.
I I can't even get my mail.
We figured we could straighten this out on our own, but these government agencies Once you're dead, it's like turning around a barge.
All right.
It shouldn't be too hard to clear up.
Except since Uncle Don wasn't getting paid, he lapsed on a loan that he took out against his house when my aunt got sick.
The bank foreclosed on his home And this public notice posted in yesterday's paper.
They're auctioning off my home this afternoon.
I got blindsided.
Peter, I really need your help.
Yeah, Don, unfortunately, we're under new management.
Very strict management.
What if we don't run this by the partners? What do you mean? It's not a legal case.
We got the insurance money from Pindy burning down our house.
We use that money to buy Don's house, and we sell it back to him once we unfreeze his assets.
We don't need the partners' permission to buy a house.
What do you think about that, Don? I'm not in any position to say no.
Damn right.
You're a dead man.
Too soon? Oh, Damien, Damien.
I would like to introduce you to Nataliya Filas.
Nataliya just recently arrived from the Ukraine, where she's here to pursue the American dream.
Well.
Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
A-and where exactly do you dance, Nataliya? Damien, that was uncalled for.
Nataliya is attending Culver college, where she hopes one day to open an art-house movie theater.
A place to enjoy classics like Jerry Maguire or 27 dresses.
I love Jerry Maguire.
I was worried there was actually a reason I was in this conversation, but there's not, so that's good.
We met a few weeks ago when I was ordering chicken fingers from her from the jumbo burger on campus.
And yesterday, she was fired without warning.
If I don't stay employed on campus, they will deport me for violating the terms of my visa.
Awesome.
Um, I'm sorry.
Do you mind if we just have a moment alone? We're gonna have, like, a Legally Blonde Strategy session.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
Isn't she delightful? Okay.
Seriously, what the hell's going on? What? What, you're advising fast-food workers? You're damn near giving away beach houses? People think you've lost your mind.
Maybe I've just found it.
Stanton, it's not the Saturday crossword.
What's going on? We're concerned.
Perhaps it's time you knew.
On my last trip to Zambia, I participated in the Wom-boss-ee roar, an ancient ritual of the Wom-boss tribe.
After engaging in a painful circumcision by village elders, I roamed the wild.
After wandering for days, I came upon the Victoria Falls, where I had a moment so karmically seismic, it triggered an epiphany.
Oh, Damien.
I witnessed a Yes? A A Oh, for God's sake, Damien, just get her her bloody job back, all right? Please.
Uh, Nataliya, would you care to join me in my office? Okay.
Okay.
I can't promise that I will not get lost in the spirit of competition.
Don't.
Don't go over $65,000.
That's the balance of Don's loan.
Is that a hard $65,000? Yes, stay firm.
Parcel 139-M sold for $82,600.
Whoo! Do you know if the Fillmore house has gone up yet? Up next.
You're interested in parcel 143-B? I might buy Vermont Avenue, Boardwalk, The Thimble Who knows? If the opening bid is not met, the property will remain in REO status.
Okay.
This is us.
Stay firm.
$65,000.
I did not come here to fold.
Bidding starts at $45,000.
$100,000.
We're out.
I thought the market was depressed.
You haven't seen depressed.
We got to tell Don that he's living on the street.
Some realtor bought it? Yeah.
You know how these developers are.
They descend on these auctions like vultures.
Let me see the paper.
So, ballet four times a week and then biking Training for a decathlon? I was born with toddler obesity.
Peter's also a survivor.
It's no joke.
Single dwelling in the valley on one acre.
They're gonna knock it down and subdivide the property.
Yeah, bulldozers are set to roll on Thursday, so we're hoping for an injunction to stop the sale.
So, you want to do this pro bono because he fought in the Vietnam war with your dad? And we also know that you're on the board of the Yellow Ribbon Fund and visit Walter Reed at least twice a year.
And if anyone would be sympathetic to a war vet in need, it would be Rachel Rose King.
Someone did their homework.
Put in 20 hours, and then move off it.
Find the name of the developer.
Got it.
Thanks.
Talk about unfair.
Don French is supposed to be enjoying his golden years, and here he is sorting out his own death.
I'd like to die first.
Who would do all the shopping? And you're the best cook.
No, it should be me.
I meant die before my wife.
So did I.
The realtor from the auction works for Groody Homes, and your injunction hearing is set for 10:00 a.
m.
tomorrow.
Good work.
Oh, lookbogey at 3:00.
Oh.
Whoa.
Look at her.
My God.
She is unreal.
Why don't you go light that candle? Okay.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Peter? - Yeah? What are you doing? Fluffing.
Get the hell out of here.
Go, go, go.
It looks like you got a big one there Probably like a halibut or something.
Really? You think I got a halibut? Oh, you're from down under.
No, Minnesota.
Yeah.
Yeah, halibut are good eating, I tell you, but those babies can run, you know? So I hope you have, um, some heavy testage on there.
I got a 100-pound test with an anchor hook, so, uh, there's plenty of testage when I bring her into shore.
That's good.
That's good.
Yeah, you can never have tooheavy.
Stupid.
You sound very experienced.
Peter Bash.
Look, I'm having some people over tomorrow.
Uh I have plans tomorrow.
Oh, come on.
You answered before seeing my huge deck.
Deck size doesn't really impress me.
That's it? What about your fish? Eh, it felt like a skate, big, dumb, bit of a bottom feeder.
Hey, can I ask when you cut the line on me? When I saw you doing push-ups.
And because of this egregious clerical error, Groody Homes has positioned bulldozers to knock down Don French's house.
Have we mentioned that our client is a war veteran, Your Honor? Eleven times.
So we are here to ask for a 60-day injunction to stop the demolition of a war veteran's property on 1120 Fillmore road until we I I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Is something funny? I finally drew a case with Franklin and Bash.
You know, my colleagues, they cringe when they see your names on their calendars.
I look at it as a welcome break from monotony.
Big fans of yours, too, Your Honor.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is this gonna be a conflict, Your Honor? Excuse me? Are you insinuating that my respect for fellow officers of the court will somehow compromise my impartial judgment? It sounded like it.
No.
No, Your Honor.
I just, uh Itit bordered on fawning.
Fawning.
Oh.
Insult me again, and I'll hold you in contempt.
This never happens.
Can you prove that Donald French is alive, Mr.
Bash? Yes, Your Honor.
We have a driver's license, birth certificate And, Your Honor still breathing.
That's good.
That's good! Your Honor, my client had nothing to do with this alleged clerical error.
The plaintiff's request to hold off demolition is granted.
However, Mr.
French, you've had more than enough time to resolve this matter, so I'm gonna impose an injunction offive days.
Fivefive days? Five is less than 60, Your Honor.
Gentlemen, it's been great fun.
I can't wait to do it again.
Finis.
Is that bad? Uh, it could've gone worse.
Yeah, we're lucky the judge likes us.
He said I was funny.
More importantly, The VFA discovered this wasn't a key-stroke error on their end.
It came from your agency.
So we're kind of up against it.
Right, I can see that.
Credit cut off, house about to be bulldozed.
Look, I don't foresee you having any problems getting your identity back.
I will mark this as priority, and our investigators will get right on it, okay? That is great.
How much time are we looking at here? Not longer than 30 days.
Wait.
What part of "House being bulldozed in five days" do you not understand? Look, I got an idea.
Why don't you go back, tell your bosses to make me alive in the next five minutes? Don, Don, that is not constructive.
There is protocol to follow.
I've been following the rules for the last six months! My grave keeps getting deeper and deeper! You are not the first dead person to walk in here, Mr.
French.
This agency sees 14,000 cases a year.
One out of 10 is fraudulent People trying to siphon the deceased's benefits.
These cases must be thoroughly vetted.
But you guys made the mistake.
No.
It wasn't on our end.
I've got the the death certificate right here from the coroner's office.
- What? Yeah.
The what? Now, I have got people behind you, okay? So if you will leave this stuff here, we will do the very best we can.
Have a great day.
Wow! This is like turning around a barge.
I bet if Don knocked over a liquor store, they'd have him in the system in 30 seconds.
Being alive at my age is rough enough.
Being dead is killing me.
We're being watched.
I've been doing research.
It turns out Gus isn't Gus.
Gus is Zuul, gatekeeper of Gozer.
It's only a matter of time before he comes to life and destroys us! Guys, come on, he still sleeps with a night light.
Don't tell them I've told you.
Know what you should do? Burn the house down 'cause that'll kill Zuul.
You know how to burn a house down, right? Do you guys know what spontaneous combustion means? Latin for "Pindar did it.
" Go inside.
Get a beer, buddy.
I promise, I will help move Zuul tonight.
Okay.
Well, if you could get it before my bedtime, that would be great.
Cheers.
What a coincidence! I was just about to play Summer lovin'.
Do you play it half as loud as your rendition of Wanted dead or alive? You're making requests, and we don't even know your name.
I'm Charlie.
I live next door.
Jared.
What kind of fisherwoman are you? The kinesiologist kind who has to rehab an ACL on a dodgers infielder at 6:00 a.
m.
In Pasadena.
So, how late are you guys planning on partying? 'Cause a pennant may hang in the balance.
I'm sure the dodger fans are holding their breath.
They should.
I'm a Giants fan.
Nice.
Well, uh, we'll pull the plug around 10:00 since it's a school night.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Okay.
You sure you don't want a drink? No, I'll, uh, take a rain check.
Thanks.
That's not a no.
It's just like Grease American dude falling for the Australian beach hottie.
That play had nothing to do with an Australian girl.
Play? I'm talking about the movie Grease.
I didn't see the movie.
You didn't see the movie? You didn't see the play.
I don't like musicals based on movies.
Oh.
Is that me? It's not me.
Hello? Hey.
Hey.
All right.
Calm down.
We'll take care of it.
Don French was arrested for slashing the tires on a Groody truck that was parked on his street.
It's great to see the sun again.
We got you reduced to an infraction of disturbing the peace, but you do this again, Don, this county's gonna be your new house.
Look, I thought it would get my name in the system, like you guys said.
You didthe criminal system.
But they listed you as John Doe because Don French is deceased, so now John Doe has a criminal record.
Look, I'm sorry, fellas.
It's just I'm getting desperate.
Just let us handle this.
You've seen war.
You know, in fact, my dad told me a story about you guys exchanging fire for about two days in La Drang, right? He said that when the evac chopper finally came, you told him to make a run for it first, and he told me what you said.
You remember what you said? You said, "I've got your back.
" We've got yours.
Ah You are your father's son.
Everything's gonna be all right, John Doe.
Let's give you a ride.
There's no way Don French's death certificate originated at the coroner's office.
What? No.
And without a coroner, somebody at social security had to forge the seal in order to process this paperwork.
Hey.
Hey, are you okay? Yeah, I just tweaked something in my back helping Pindy move that stupid statue.
You want me to see if, uh, Dr.
Charlie makes house calls? No.
It's the perfect icebreaker.
No, she helps injured professional athletes.
I hurt myself interior decorating.
Why would the social security administration want Don dead? Well, Groody Homes sold A.
J.
Connelly a really nice house in Tarzana at a huge discount right before Don "died.
" A.
J.
I'm sorry.
That's the dorky clerk? Yeah.
Well, you can't get a house like that on a government salary.
Well, maybe Groody Homes cut A.
J.
a sweetheart deal in order to fabricate Don's death.
That's tough to prove.
True, but I found out that A.
J.
split up with his wife, Jenny, right before he moved into his new house.
A scorned woman could be motivated to talk.
Push down on her.
We got to see how high this thing goes.
Groody clearly got greedy.
And killed Don French.
I regret to tell you, Nataliya, but Jumbo Burger will not change their mind.
I'll just make an appeal to INS.
I'm not giving up.
Okay, yeah, but in the real world, your visa expires in seven days.
Now, appeals take a lot longer than that.
If you're still in the country when you lose your appeal, you're gonna be banned from re-entering for at least a decade.
I can't quit now.
Just like my favorite movie, Rocky IV, Drago crushes Rocky over and over again, but Rocky, he stands up.
Rocky IV happens to be my favorite movie, too.
Okay.
Listen to me! We are throwing in the towel because this is not Rocky or some rom-com where you blow out the candles on your birthday cake and wake up married to some Prince, okay? Or is it? What? Well, just for instance, if we got married, she could become a US.
Citizen, huh? You'd marry me? Stanton, are you insane? 'Cause the INS.
Is not in the business of just blessing marriages.
They ask questions, very personal and very specific questions.
All I know is, Damien, that I witnessed something incredible that fateful day at the falls.
I think it's time to tell him.
He's blood, family.
Tell me what? I met this gentleman at the Victoria Falls.
He looked troubled.
So I recounted a story about Brazilian zombie ants, but before I could finish, he told me to stop! He looked me in the eye.
He had this strange, faraway look.
And then he shook my handand poof Hurled himself into the falls.
Wait, he just jumped? He didn't say anything? No, how could he? I mean, I didn't give him a chance to speak.
Since then, I've decided just to let people talk, and I will just sit quietly and listen.
That's one of the reasons I brought Rachel in, was to give me more time to understand people like Nataliya.
And I'm very grateful.
I'm sure you are, yes.
Um, it's touching.
I mean, it compromises the integrity of the firm but touching nonetheless.
It's Will you, Nataliya, be my Adrian? Is this really happening? I wouldn't mind marrying you too much.
Really? Open up the champagne.
Okay! Time's up! Next table! You'll have another two minutes to meet your future fiance! Hi.
Hi.
So, what do you do? I'm in banking, divorced, looking to change it up.
Um, I'm straight.
For now.
Yeah, I'm that good.
You're hot.
I bet you get a lot of play.
I'm gonna guess that you dumped him.
Actually, yeah, I did.
What did he do? He works for the government.
Social security office.
What about you? Oh, we'll get to me in a sec.
You are way more interesting.
Was he cheating? I bet he was cheating.
You are that good.
Moved into a new house in Tarzana.
With her? No.
In fact, A.
J.
says he wasn't cheating.
He says it was business.
Deny, deny, deny.
Right? How else do you explain the candlelight dinners, meeting in car parking lots, and lying about where you were at night? I followed him.
Girl, you have to.
GPS their asses.
That's what I did with mine.
Okay, time's up! Next table! You have two minutes! I think we're done, but I will, uh, take your phone number.
The other woman What was her name? Why is it important? Hey.
Time's up.
Keep it moving, table five.
You heard the lady.
Yeah, she said to keep it moving, so why don't you do that? Move.
You know, I should just - Come on.
Just tell me the other woman's name.
Do you have proof that Groody bribed the social security clerk with a discounted home? Circumstantial so far.
You look like you're in pain.
I, uh, tweaked my back surfing yesterday.
Really? Paper said the surf was like one foot yesterday.
Can you even swim? - Continue.
We could get more leverage if the media knew about it You know, a big builder exploiting a war veteran hanging on to his home.
And since you're the media-savvy one That is so true.
Rachel bitch-slapping you two guys on Piers Morgan, that thing's gone viral.
And yet it got 10,000 less hits than you dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters there.
Girls, you're both pretty.
I received a call from Fritz Groody, CEO Of Groody Homes.
He threatened to convince a handful of our developer clients to walk away from the firm.
Bringing this case to the court of public opinion would be a bad idea.
So that's a no? Groody wouldn't make threats unless you two were on to something.
Stay under the radar, and if I get a whiff of a client seriously leaving, I'm pulling the plug.
That's all.
Why isn't Stanton in this meeting? I think it's colonic Tuesday.
Oh! The burden of proof is lower in a civil trial, so we slap Groody with a lawsuit alleging fraud.
I bet they get hit with fraud claims all the time.
They'll just go into a four-corner stall on a court date, and by then the house will be leveled.
We got to do something to get their attention.
I think I got it.
Okay.
It's big.
How big? Your Honor, we'd like to file a wrongful death complaint against Groody Homes.
Uh, is Mr.
Franklin serious? Hold on.
Are you serious? Dead serious, Your Honor.
Groody homes is directly responsible for the murder of our What? What? Oh, my bad the death of our client, Don French.
Your Honor, we can show compelling circumstantial evidence that Groody Homes knowingly and willingly killed Don French.
Your Honor, Mr.
French is sitting right I'm sorry? Oh, no, please.
Please finish.
Who is sitting right here? Your Honor, If the defense is recognizing that Donald French is alive, we can all just get out of here right now.
I'm buying.
Look, we are not here to argue whether or not Don French is alive or dead but whether we can move forward and build on the property that we lawfully obtained.
Your Honor, this is theater of the absurd.
Well, curtain's going up Wednesday 8:00 a.
m.
A matinee.
See you there.
Finis! This is a good thing, right? That was a really good thing.
Really good thing.
Am I the only one that's nervous? How come you guys are so relaxed? You got a strong case, Don.
I'm on painkillers.
All rise! HEY.
Hey.
Psst! Hey.
What happened to the president of your fan club? It's a new case.
Either side can ding a judge before trial starts.
Groody Homes vs.
Donald B.
French, deceased.
Since this is a wrongful-death suit, the deceased can't be called upon to testify.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
This is gonna suck.
Why? 'Cause we can't put our war vet on the stand, and everyone loves vets, especially juries.
What in the Sam Hill is that? Uh, if I may, Your Honor, this is a legal visual aid.
It's speculative and prejudicial.
And inadmissible.
Get rid of it.
Yes, Your Honor.
I mean out of this courtroom now! Oh.
I got it.
Could you guys get it on out? Thank you.
You're in.
Okay.
You gotta go I got it.
And, Brenda, you are a sales rep for Groody properties, right? Yes.
And not just any sales rep, You are Groody's platinum salesperson of the year two years running, right? I've won my share of steak knives.
Modest.
She's being modest.
Do you know the, uh, gentleman in the front row, A.
J.
Connelly? He looks a little like Matthew McConaughey.
Assumes facts not in evidence that he looks like McConaughey.
You see it, right? No, not at all.
Really? Well, you know him.
Yes.
And you've met with him five times between April and May.
If you say so.
It's not if I say so.
It's the bartender at Anthony's on third says so.
You remember Anthony's, cool, little jazz place, small, private booths, dark.
We met on business.
Are you married, Ms.
Griffin? Happily.
As was Mr.
Connelly until his wife found out about you two.
But, hey, just got to keep on livin', right? L-I-V-I-N, all right? All right, all right.
Objection.
What's the problem? Imitation? - Sustained.
Mr.
Franklin, one more imitation out of you, and you're gonna do your act in front of a captive audience.
Roger that.
We were discussing your relationship with Mr.
Connelly.
We weren't having an affair.
Well, if you weren't cheating with Mr.
Connelly, were you cheating Don French out of his home? No.
Your Honor, plaintiff's exhibit two.
These are the final loan documents for a new home in a subdivision in Tarzana that the witness sold to Mr.
Connelly.
Now, what was the price of that home? $325,000.
Now, the same house across the street sold for $425,000 one week ago.
Can you explain how you sold this house to this government clerk for 25% below market value? He drove a hard bargain.
Really? You're Groody platinum, winner of two Mercedes, and that guy No offensegot the better of you? It happens.
It doesn't happen.
Here's what happened.
You gave A.
J.
Connelly a great deal on a new home in exchange for murdering Don French.
Objection.
What did I do? I said "murder" again.
I'm My bad.
What is wrong with me? What I meant was, didn't you kill Don French so Groody Homes could build on his property? No.
No further questions.
Okay.
Let's do this.
No, no.
No.
Get down, we're done.
You did great.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Check out this new off-road truck from autotrader.
com.
Throw a surf rack on that thing, some monster tires.
That thing looks like it could float.
We don't even need a boat anymore, but I still want a boat.
Oh, thanks, Pindy.
Sorry.
Wow, this sucks.
Hey, Pindy, thanks for making it through our first week without burning down the house.
This is gonna go on for - Ever.
Forever.
What is she doing here? I called her.
- What? Why would you do that? Hey! Hey, neighbor.
Hey, guys.
What's up, doc? I'm Pindar.
Carmen tells me you hurt yourself training for a strong-man competition.
Yeah, dead-lifting our car, right? I'm fine.
For what it's worth, I'm glad she called.
Seriously? Yeah, I've been meaning to take you up on that glass of wine, but it looks like you guys are working, so Chardonnay okay? I'll get it.
I got it.
I got it.
You sure? I think I can get it.
Oh, you want to get it? Okay.
Go ahead and get it.
I should probably get it.
Is everything okay? Never better.
Why don't you take a seat? Let's have a look.
All right.
So, what is it that you do? I'm a lawyer.
You went to college? Best decade of my life.
Yeah, we're, uh, currently saving an old war vet's house from some developers.
We also do malpractice.
I'll take one of your cards.
Good God! Wow.
Levator scapulae muscle strain.
That should do it.
I should, uh, actually get going.
Whatwhat about your drink? Um, I don't usually drink with clients.
So, I'll get my office to invoice you.
Thanks, guys.
- See you! Huh.
I'm gonna find my Levator scapula and sever it later tonight.
Ah, hello.
Hello.
Before we get started, you should know this interview is standard practice.
Oh, absolutely.
Merely a formality to prove that your upcoming marriage isn't one of convenience for the sole purpose of obtaining citizenship.
Oh! Well, I can assure you officers the first time we met, our hearts were joined as one.
Weren't they, my dear? Yes, they were.
Then you have nothing to fear.
Ooh, great! Well, um, we're ready when you are.
What year was your fiance born? November 19, 1981.
City? Horsforth, West Yorkshire, England.
Oh, by the way, It's her mother who rode the Napa motorcycle.
Hmm.
He fought with the shining path resistance in Machu Picchu.
Adores garlic toast.
Adores! Swimming with the Galapagos turtles at age 11.
Between us, she calls it the Kiev power squat.
Yes, only one.
He lost it in a prison fight in Honduras.
Sent me a birthday card, two cows driving a car.
One turns to the other and says, "Move over.
" Stephen Hawking calls him Einstein.
So far, so good, Mr.
Infeld.
You both have gotten everything right.
Yeah.
So, how many do we have to get right to pass? All of them.
Oh.
What is your fiance's favorite movie? You are an out-of-work graphic artist.
Is that correct? Yes.
And, uh, were you and your uncle close? Not really.
I live in San Jose, but we're the only family we've got left, so when he called and said that the veteran affairs claimed he was dead, I flew down to help.
And when Don French was declared dead, did that not activate the death benefits for his only surviving next of kin, which is you, correct? Yes.
Your Honor, I'd like to enter a death-benefit check issued to Jordan Allen French, dated April 30th, into evidence.
Mr.
French, did you endorse this check? My uncle asked me to cash that so he could buy groceries.
Is that your signature, Mr.
French? Yes, it is.
If I may embrace the analogy of opposing counsel, by endorsing this check, you acknowledge that your uncle was deceased.
No.
That your uncle died by your hand and not my client's, correct? I I don't I don't know.
I was just trying to help.
Thank you.
No further questions.
Maybe we blew it with the wrongful death.
If we went with fraud, we could've put Don on the witness stand.
Yes.
What are you doing? I'm looking for Don's infraction citation.
Bingo! We can't put Don French on the stand.
We can get someone better.
Boys, boys, I need your assistance on the Nataliya Filas case.
We have to get to court, Stanton.
It's time-sensitive.
Well, actually, it's Jared that I really need.
Get started.
Meet you there.
See you there.
Jared, when you were temporarily made a judge for your contempt charge, were you aware that you retained limited powers? Besides mind control? Yes.
Uh, like performing a wedding ceremony.
So, uh, Stanton saw a man hurl himself into Victoria Falls, so now he's a really great listener, which is allowing him to marry an illegal alien so she can stay in the country.
Damien, do you think I've put on a bit of weight? This is my lucky wedding suit, and I No, not at all.
That suit looks as good on you as it did the last four times.
Fifth time's a charm.
What do you say we get this started? John Doe? Yes, Your Honor.
We'd like to call John Doe to the witness stand.
As you can see from the paperwork provided by the California record system, John Doe resides at 1120 Fillmore road.
That's him.
Your Honor, that's the deceased.
A man can't be both dead and alive.
No, no, we acknowledge that Don French is dead.
That's why we want to talk to John Doe.
It says here that a John Doe lives at this address.
Your Honor, uh, John Doe is a place-holder name for somebody whowho Forget it.
Swear him in.
You guys are exhausting.
Thank you.
The marriage contract is a cherished contract, and we know that.
WHAT? All right.
If anyone can show just cause why this man and this woman may not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now or hereafter remain silent.
Sorry.
That was legitimate, not sarcastic.
Very dry.
Stanton Infeld, do you take Wait.
What is it, my love? I I can't let you do this.
Oh, thank God.
Um, all right.
All right, well, uh Go ahead.
Give us a minute.
All right.
Uh, it was nice meeting you.
If this doesn't work out - Thank you.
My number's in the book.
You have a wonderful heart, Mr.
Stanton.
And you deserve a fair shot to achieve your dream.
But not this way.
Oh, people get married for dodgier reasons than patriotism.
We can't let a legality get in the way of your destiny.
Maybe it's my destiny to help you forgive yourself for what happened to that man who jumped into the falls just like in Joe versus the volcano When Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks sacrifice themselves to save each other.
Do you understand? Yes.
I understand clearly now.
I believe my journey's complete.
You are a fascinating man, Mr.
Stanton.
They should make a movie about you.
Oh, well, actually, there have been two.
One caused riots in Yemen, and the other should not be watched with children.
Goodbye, Mr.
Stanton.
Goodbye.
And thank you.
Mr.
Doe, did you know Donald French? Yes, sir.
We were very close.
Did you go to his funeral? There wasn't one.
No closure? That's sad.
Can you tell us a little about Donald French? Don French was born and raised in Van Nuys, California.
Played some unremarkable high-school football.
Drafted into the army in November of 64.
Wounded in La Drang, honorably discharged in 1967.
Came home.
Worked as a machinist at Lockheed.
Objection.
Relevance, Your Honor.
Well, Your Honor, Mr.
Doe is a character witness and an eyewitness in the death of Donald French.
How Mr.
French lived is relevant in how he subsequently died.
I'll allow it.
Mr.
Doe, did Don French marry? Yes, sir.
The beautiful Miss Janet Kreedameyer of El Segundo, the love of his life.
They had one son, Eric.
What happened to his wife and son? Eric was, uh, killed in the first Gulf War.
His beloved Janet was taken from him in October of 2004.
So, his nephew Jordan and Don's house on Fillmore road are all that's left of his legacy, correct? Yes, sir.
Does it strike you as ironic that Donald French was wounded in one of the bloodiest battles in the Vietnam war and survived his wife and son only to be killed so a realtor could win a trip to Hawaii? Objection! - Sustained.
Wind it up, Mr.
Bash.
Mr.
Doe Were you with Donald French when he died? Yes, sir.
One afternoon, he simply opened his mail.
Next thing I know, he was gone.
No further questions.
They lost the jury.
Never too early for a vodka martini.
First, vodka martini is an oxymoron.
A real martini is made with gin.
I hope you like it dry.
Second, under my watch, any settlement over six figures must be ceremoniously commemorated.
Isn't the olive fattening? It's dinner.
Wait.
Settlement? Groody caved.
That's wonderful.
Delivered to me personally by Fritz Groody.
It's more than fair.
Nice.
Salud.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Hmm, how much? Uh Whoa.
Whoa, um Mmm.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh, look at that.
Are you kidding me? Unbelievable.
Crazy.
Oh, Don? Hey, Don.
Donny.
Hey, Don? Don? Hey.
Don? What's he doing? Feel his pulse.
No! No! He's your dad's friend! Do it! Fine.
Oh, man! Shut up.
Oh, man.
I'm not getting a pulse.
Try my erection.
Oh! You son of a Geez! John! Don.
Don.
You got your house back.
And then some.
Check that out, huh? That's a lot of zeroes.
I'm alive.
You're alive.
You're alive.
I'm alive! - You're alive.
I'm alive! Oh.
Ohh! Watch out! My neck! My neck! Oh.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
You know.
Hey, you! Come here! People, people, let's bring this party inside.
I need you to bring it inside, okay? "People"? What are you? A gym teacher? What are you doing? I'm just trying to be considerate for our neighbors.
You mean our neighbors You mean Charlie.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
I'm totally tagging you in this picture! Oh, my God, can you Library voices, library voices.
Bring it inside.
Peter, they're having fun! Enjoy it! Come on.
Help me out.
Oh, it is good to be back among the living.
Good to have you in here, Don.
What's up? Thanks for doing this.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the noise.
I'm I'm trying to, like Yeah, you should apologize for throwing such a lame party.
How's your back? Uh, you healed me, doc.
Great.
Uh, make this less awkward.
Where's the bar? It's over Um, down there.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up with Chuckie? She billed me.
What? Yeah.
That is a This is not a bill.
It's her number.
There we go.
Hello.
We need to get you another drink.
I'm gonna need to see your ID I'm gonna need to see you in the next Yep.
- I like what this beach has to offer.
You got this? - I got this.
Okay.
You stay here.
Don't follow me.
If I need you, I'm not going to call.
Gus used to guard a Ming Dynasty Imperial tomb.
So, he comes with the house? Oh, yes.
You see, Pindar hates the place.
I hate it.
And no jacuzzi? Well, sorry.
No spa.
However We do have this.
Come on.
Wow! Hu Jintao lost this sanctuary to me in a mah-jongg tournament.
Oh, I could get used to this.
I think you'll find the monthly lease most agreeable.
My sinusitis inflammation has completely disappeared.
Look.
Perfect point break at the end of the beach.
I could suffer here.
We'll take it.
- Splendid! So, this guy was in Nam with your dad? Oh, yeah.
1st Battalion, 7th Cavalry.
They were ambushed in LZ Albany together back in 65.
Did they make it out alive? Sorry we're late.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm Jordan.
This is my uncle Donald.
Peter, you look just like your old man.
Oh.
My dad has told me a lot about you, sir.
Have a seat.
What can we do to help? Well You're looking at a dead man.
Because of a clerical error, the VFA has declared me deceased.
As a result, my credit, my benefit checks all cut off.
I I can't even get my mail.
We figured we could straighten this out on our own, but these government agencies Once you're dead, it's like turning around a barge.
All right.
It shouldn't be too hard to clear up.
Except since Uncle Don wasn't getting paid, he lapsed on a loan that he took out against his house when my aunt got sick.
The bank foreclosed on his home And this public notice posted in yesterday's paper.
They're auctioning off my home this afternoon.
I got blindsided.
Peter, I really need your help.
Yeah, Don, unfortunately, we're under new management.
Very strict management.
What if we don't run this by the partners? What do you mean? It's not a legal case.
We got the insurance money from Pindy burning down our house.
We use that money to buy Don's house, and we sell it back to him once we unfreeze his assets.
We don't need the partners' permission to buy a house.
What do you think about that, Don? I'm not in any position to say no.
Damn right.
You're a dead man.
Too soon? Oh, Damien, Damien.
I would like to introduce you to Nataliya Filas.
Nataliya just recently arrived from the Ukraine, where she's here to pursue the American dream.
Well.
Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
A-and where exactly do you dance, Nataliya? Damien, that was uncalled for.
Nataliya is attending Culver college, where she hopes one day to open an art-house movie theater.
A place to enjoy classics like Jerry Maguire or 27 dresses.
I love Jerry Maguire.
I was worried there was actually a reason I was in this conversation, but there's not, so that's good.
We met a few weeks ago when I was ordering chicken fingers from her from the jumbo burger on campus.
And yesterday, she was fired without warning.
If I don't stay employed on campus, they will deport me for violating the terms of my visa.
Awesome.
Um, I'm sorry.
Do you mind if we just have a moment alone? We're gonna have, like, a Legally Blonde Strategy session.
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
Isn't she delightful? Okay.
Seriously, what the hell's going on? What? What, you're advising fast-food workers? You're damn near giving away beach houses? People think you've lost your mind.
Maybe I've just found it.
Stanton, it's not the Saturday crossword.
What's going on? We're concerned.
Perhaps it's time you knew.
On my last trip to Zambia, I participated in the Wom-boss-ee roar, an ancient ritual of the Wom-boss tribe.
After engaging in a painful circumcision by village elders, I roamed the wild.
After wandering for days, I came upon the Victoria Falls, where I had a moment so karmically seismic, it triggered an epiphany.
Oh, Damien.
I witnessed a Yes? A A Oh, for God's sake, Damien, just get her her bloody job back, all right? Please.
Uh, Nataliya, would you care to join me in my office? Okay.
Okay.
I can't promise that I will not get lost in the spirit of competition.
Don't.
Don't go over $65,000.
That's the balance of Don's loan.
Is that a hard $65,000? Yes, stay firm.
Parcel 139-M sold for $82,600.
Whoo! Do you know if the Fillmore house has gone up yet? Up next.
You're interested in parcel 143-B? I might buy Vermont Avenue, Boardwalk, The Thimble Who knows? If the opening bid is not met, the property will remain in REO status.
Okay.
This is us.
Stay firm.
$65,000.
I did not come here to fold.
Bidding starts at $45,000.
$100,000.
We're out.
I thought the market was depressed.
You haven't seen depressed.
We got to tell Don that he's living on the street.
Some realtor bought it? Yeah.
You know how these developers are.
They descend on these auctions like vultures.
Let me see the paper.
So, ballet four times a week and then biking Training for a decathlon? I was born with toddler obesity.
Peter's also a survivor.
It's no joke.
Single dwelling in the valley on one acre.
They're gonna knock it down and subdivide the property.
Yeah, bulldozers are set to roll on Thursday, so we're hoping for an injunction to stop the sale.
So, you want to do this pro bono because he fought in the Vietnam war with your dad? And we also know that you're on the board of the Yellow Ribbon Fund and visit Walter Reed at least twice a year.
And if anyone would be sympathetic to a war vet in need, it would be Rachel Rose King.
Someone did their homework.
Put in 20 hours, and then move off it.
Find the name of the developer.
Got it.
Thanks.
Talk about unfair.
Don French is supposed to be enjoying his golden years, and here he is sorting out his own death.
I'd like to die first.
Who would do all the shopping? And you're the best cook.
No, it should be me.
I meant die before my wife.
So did I.
The realtor from the auction works for Groody Homes, and your injunction hearing is set for 10:00 a.
m.
tomorrow.
Good work.
Oh, lookbogey at 3:00.
Oh.
Whoa.
Look at her.
My God.
She is unreal.
Why don't you go light that candle? Okay.
Yeah.
Let's do it.
Peter? - Yeah? What are you doing? Fluffing.
Get the hell out of here.
Go, go, go.
It looks like you got a big one there Probably like a halibut or something.
Really? You think I got a halibut? Oh, you're from down under.
No, Minnesota.
Yeah.
Yeah, halibut are good eating, I tell you, but those babies can run, you know? So I hope you have, um, some heavy testage on there.
I got a 100-pound test with an anchor hook, so, uh, there's plenty of testage when I bring her into shore.
That's good.
That's good.
Yeah, you can never have tooheavy.
Stupid.
You sound very experienced.
Peter Bash.
Look, I'm having some people over tomorrow.
Uh I have plans tomorrow.
Oh, come on.
You answered before seeing my huge deck.
Deck size doesn't really impress me.
That's it? What about your fish? Eh, it felt like a skate, big, dumb, bit of a bottom feeder.
Hey, can I ask when you cut the line on me? When I saw you doing push-ups.
And because of this egregious clerical error, Groody Homes has positioned bulldozers to knock down Don French's house.
Have we mentioned that our client is a war veteran, Your Honor? Eleven times.
So we are here to ask for a 60-day injunction to stop the demolition of a war veteran's property on 1120 Fillmore road until we I I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Is something funny? I finally drew a case with Franklin and Bash.
You know, my colleagues, they cringe when they see your names on their calendars.
I look at it as a welcome break from monotony.
Big fans of yours, too, Your Honor.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is this gonna be a conflict, Your Honor? Excuse me? Are you insinuating that my respect for fellow officers of the court will somehow compromise my impartial judgment? It sounded like it.
No.
No, Your Honor.
I just, uh Itit bordered on fawning.
Fawning.
Oh.
Insult me again, and I'll hold you in contempt.
This never happens.
Can you prove that Donald French is alive, Mr.
Bash? Yes, Your Honor.
We have a driver's license, birth certificate And, Your Honor still breathing.
That's good.
That's good! Your Honor, my client had nothing to do with this alleged clerical error.
The plaintiff's request to hold off demolition is granted.
However, Mr.
French, you've had more than enough time to resolve this matter, so I'm gonna impose an injunction offive days.
Fivefive days? Five is less than 60, Your Honor.
Gentlemen, it's been great fun.
I can't wait to do it again.
Finis.
Is that bad? Uh, it could've gone worse.
Yeah, we're lucky the judge likes us.
He said I was funny.
More importantly, The VFA discovered this wasn't a key-stroke error on their end.
It came from your agency.
So we're kind of up against it.
Right, I can see that.
Credit cut off, house about to be bulldozed.
Look, I don't foresee you having any problems getting your identity back.
I will mark this as priority, and our investigators will get right on it, okay? That is great.
How much time are we looking at here? Not longer than 30 days.
Wait.
What part of "House being bulldozed in five days" do you not understand? Look, I got an idea.
Why don't you go back, tell your bosses to make me alive in the next five minutes? Don, Don, that is not constructive.
There is protocol to follow.
I've been following the rules for the last six months! My grave keeps getting deeper and deeper! You are not the first dead person to walk in here, Mr.
French.
This agency sees 14,000 cases a year.
One out of 10 is fraudulent People trying to siphon the deceased's benefits.
These cases must be thoroughly vetted.
But you guys made the mistake.
No.
It wasn't on our end.
I've got the the death certificate right here from the coroner's office.
- What? Yeah.
The what? Now, I have got people behind you, okay? So if you will leave this stuff here, we will do the very best we can.
Have a great day.
Wow! This is like turning around a barge.
I bet if Don knocked over a liquor store, they'd have him in the system in 30 seconds.
Being alive at my age is rough enough.
Being dead is killing me.
We're being watched.
I've been doing research.
It turns out Gus isn't Gus.
Gus is Zuul, gatekeeper of Gozer.
It's only a matter of time before he comes to life and destroys us! Guys, come on, he still sleeps with a night light.
Don't tell them I've told you.
Know what you should do? Burn the house down 'cause that'll kill Zuul.
You know how to burn a house down, right? Do you guys know what spontaneous combustion means? Latin for "Pindar did it.
" Go inside.
Get a beer, buddy.
I promise, I will help move Zuul tonight.
Okay.
Well, if you could get it before my bedtime, that would be great.
Cheers.
What a coincidence! I was just about to play Summer lovin'.
Do you play it half as loud as your rendition of Wanted dead or alive? You're making requests, and we don't even know your name.
I'm Charlie.
I live next door.
Jared.
What kind of fisherwoman are you? The kinesiologist kind who has to rehab an ACL on a dodgers infielder at 6:00 a.
m.
In Pasadena.
So, how late are you guys planning on partying? 'Cause a pennant may hang in the balance.
I'm sure the dodger fans are holding their breath.
They should.
I'm a Giants fan.
Nice.
Well, uh, we'll pull the plug around 10:00 since it's a school night.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Okay.
You sure you don't want a drink? No, I'll, uh, take a rain check.
Thanks.
That's not a no.
It's just like Grease American dude falling for the Australian beach hottie.
That play had nothing to do with an Australian girl.
Play? I'm talking about the movie Grease.
I didn't see the movie.
You didn't see the movie? You didn't see the play.
I don't like musicals based on movies.
Oh.
Is that me? It's not me.
Hello? Hey.
Hey.
All right.
Calm down.
We'll take care of it.
Don French was arrested for slashing the tires on a Groody truck that was parked on his street.
It's great to see the sun again.
We got you reduced to an infraction of disturbing the peace, but you do this again, Don, this county's gonna be your new house.
Look, I thought it would get my name in the system, like you guys said.
You didthe criminal system.
But they listed you as John Doe because Don French is deceased, so now John Doe has a criminal record.
Look, I'm sorry, fellas.
It's just I'm getting desperate.
Just let us handle this.
You've seen war.
You know, in fact, my dad told me a story about you guys exchanging fire for about two days in La Drang, right? He said that when the evac chopper finally came, you told him to make a run for it first, and he told me what you said.
You remember what you said? You said, "I've got your back.
" We've got yours.
Ah You are your father's son.
Everything's gonna be all right, John Doe.
Let's give you a ride.
There's no way Don French's death certificate originated at the coroner's office.
What? No.
And without a coroner, somebody at social security had to forge the seal in order to process this paperwork.
Hey.
Hey, are you okay? Yeah, I just tweaked something in my back helping Pindy move that stupid statue.
You want me to see if, uh, Dr.
Charlie makes house calls? No.
It's the perfect icebreaker.
No, she helps injured professional athletes.
I hurt myself interior decorating.
Why would the social security administration want Don dead? Well, Groody Homes sold A.
J.
Connelly a really nice house in Tarzana at a huge discount right before Don "died.
" A.
J.
I'm sorry.
That's the dorky clerk? Yeah.
Well, you can't get a house like that on a government salary.
Well, maybe Groody Homes cut A.
J.
a sweetheart deal in order to fabricate Don's death.
That's tough to prove.
True, but I found out that A.
J.
split up with his wife, Jenny, right before he moved into his new house.
A scorned woman could be motivated to talk.
Push down on her.
We got to see how high this thing goes.
Groody clearly got greedy.
And killed Don French.
I regret to tell you, Nataliya, but Jumbo Burger will not change their mind.
I'll just make an appeal to INS.
I'm not giving up.
Okay, yeah, but in the real world, your visa expires in seven days.
Now, appeals take a lot longer than that.
If you're still in the country when you lose your appeal, you're gonna be banned from re-entering for at least a decade.
I can't quit now.
Just like my favorite movie, Rocky IV, Drago crushes Rocky over and over again, but Rocky, he stands up.
Rocky IV happens to be my favorite movie, too.
Okay.
Listen to me! We are throwing in the towel because this is not Rocky or some rom-com where you blow out the candles on your birthday cake and wake up married to some Prince, okay? Or is it? What? Well, just for instance, if we got married, she could become a US.
Citizen, huh? You'd marry me? Stanton, are you insane? 'Cause the INS.
Is not in the business of just blessing marriages.
They ask questions, very personal and very specific questions.
All I know is, Damien, that I witnessed something incredible that fateful day at the falls.
I think it's time to tell him.
He's blood, family.
Tell me what? I met this gentleman at the Victoria Falls.
He looked troubled.
So I recounted a story about Brazilian zombie ants, but before I could finish, he told me to stop! He looked me in the eye.
He had this strange, faraway look.
And then he shook my handand poof Hurled himself into the falls.
Wait, he just jumped? He didn't say anything? No, how could he? I mean, I didn't give him a chance to speak.
Since then, I've decided just to let people talk, and I will just sit quietly and listen.
That's one of the reasons I brought Rachel in, was to give me more time to understand people like Nataliya.
And I'm very grateful.
I'm sure you are, yes.
Um, it's touching.
I mean, it compromises the integrity of the firm but touching nonetheless.
It's Will you, Nataliya, be my Adrian? Is this really happening? I wouldn't mind marrying you too much.
Really? Open up the champagne.
Okay! Time's up! Next table! You'll have another two minutes to meet your future fiance! Hi.
Hi.
So, what do you do? I'm in banking, divorced, looking to change it up.
Um, I'm straight.
For now.
Yeah, I'm that good.
You're hot.
I bet you get a lot of play.
I'm gonna guess that you dumped him.
Actually, yeah, I did.
What did he do? He works for the government.
Social security office.
What about you? Oh, we'll get to me in a sec.
You are way more interesting.
Was he cheating? I bet he was cheating.
You are that good.
Moved into a new house in Tarzana.
With her? No.
In fact, A.
J.
says he wasn't cheating.
He says it was business.
Deny, deny, deny.
Right? How else do you explain the candlelight dinners, meeting in car parking lots, and lying about where you were at night? I followed him.
Girl, you have to.
GPS their asses.
That's what I did with mine.
Okay, time's up! Next table! You have two minutes! I think we're done, but I will, uh, take your phone number.
The other woman What was her name? Why is it important? Hey.
Time's up.
Keep it moving, table five.
You heard the lady.
Yeah, she said to keep it moving, so why don't you do that? Move.
You know, I should just - Come on.
Just tell me the other woman's name.
Do you have proof that Groody bribed the social security clerk with a discounted home? Circumstantial so far.
You look like you're in pain.
I, uh, tweaked my back surfing yesterday.
Really? Paper said the surf was like one foot yesterday.
Can you even swim? - Continue.
We could get more leverage if the media knew about it You know, a big builder exploiting a war veteran hanging on to his home.
And since you're the media-savvy one That is so true.
Rachel bitch-slapping you two guys on Piers Morgan, that thing's gone viral.
And yet it got 10,000 less hits than you dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters there.
Girls, you're both pretty.
I received a call from Fritz Groody, CEO Of Groody Homes.
He threatened to convince a handful of our developer clients to walk away from the firm.
Bringing this case to the court of public opinion would be a bad idea.
So that's a no? Groody wouldn't make threats unless you two were on to something.
Stay under the radar, and if I get a whiff of a client seriously leaving, I'm pulling the plug.
That's all.
Why isn't Stanton in this meeting? I think it's colonic Tuesday.
Oh! The burden of proof is lower in a civil trial, so we slap Groody with a lawsuit alleging fraud.
I bet they get hit with fraud claims all the time.
They'll just go into a four-corner stall on a court date, and by then the house will be leveled.
We got to do something to get their attention.
I think I got it.
Okay.
It's big.
How big? Your Honor, we'd like to file a wrongful death complaint against Groody Homes.
Uh, is Mr.
Franklin serious? Hold on.
Are you serious? Dead serious, Your Honor.
Groody homes is directly responsible for the murder of our What? What? Oh, my bad the death of our client, Don French.
Your Honor, we can show compelling circumstantial evidence that Groody Homes knowingly and willingly killed Don French.
Your Honor, Mr.
French is sitting right I'm sorry? Oh, no, please.
Please finish.
Who is sitting right here? Your Honor, If the defense is recognizing that Donald French is alive, we can all just get out of here right now.
I'm buying.
Look, we are not here to argue whether or not Don French is alive or dead but whether we can move forward and build on the property that we lawfully obtained.
Your Honor, this is theater of the absurd.
Well, curtain's going up Wednesday 8:00 a.
m.
A matinee.
See you there.
Finis! This is a good thing, right? That was a really good thing.
Really good thing.
Am I the only one that's nervous? How come you guys are so relaxed? You got a strong case, Don.
I'm on painkillers.
All rise! HEY.
Hey.
Psst! Hey.
What happened to the president of your fan club? It's a new case.
Either side can ding a judge before trial starts.
Groody Homes vs.
Donald B.
French, deceased.
Since this is a wrongful-death suit, the deceased can't be called upon to testify.
Is that clear? Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
This is gonna suck.
Why? 'Cause we can't put our war vet on the stand, and everyone loves vets, especially juries.
What in the Sam Hill is that? Uh, if I may, Your Honor, this is a legal visual aid.
It's speculative and prejudicial.
And inadmissible.
Get rid of it.
Yes, Your Honor.
I mean out of this courtroom now! Oh.
I got it.
Could you guys get it on out? Thank you.
You're in.
Okay.
You gotta go I got it.
And, Brenda, you are a sales rep for Groody properties, right? Yes.
And not just any sales rep, You are Groody's platinum salesperson of the year two years running, right? I've won my share of steak knives.
Modest.
She's being modest.
Do you know the, uh, gentleman in the front row, A.
J.
Connelly? He looks a little like Matthew McConaughey.
Assumes facts not in evidence that he looks like McConaughey.
You see it, right? No, not at all.
Really? Well, you know him.
Yes.
And you've met with him five times between April and May.
If you say so.
It's not if I say so.
It's the bartender at Anthony's on third says so.
You remember Anthony's, cool, little jazz place, small, private booths, dark.
We met on business.
Are you married, Ms.
Griffin? Happily.
As was Mr.
Connelly until his wife found out about you two.
But, hey, just got to keep on livin', right? L-I-V-I-N, all right? All right, all right.
Objection.
What's the problem? Imitation? - Sustained.
Mr.
Franklin, one more imitation out of you, and you're gonna do your act in front of a captive audience.
Roger that.
We were discussing your relationship with Mr.
Connelly.
We weren't having an affair.
Well, if you weren't cheating with Mr.
Connelly, were you cheating Don French out of his home? No.
Your Honor, plaintiff's exhibit two.
These are the final loan documents for a new home in a subdivision in Tarzana that the witness sold to Mr.
Connelly.
Now, what was the price of that home? $325,000.
Now, the same house across the street sold for $425,000 one week ago.
Can you explain how you sold this house to this government clerk for 25% below market value? He drove a hard bargain.
Really? You're Groody platinum, winner of two Mercedes, and that guy No offensegot the better of you? It happens.
It doesn't happen.
Here's what happened.
You gave A.
J.
Connelly a great deal on a new home in exchange for murdering Don French.
Objection.
What did I do? I said "murder" again.
I'm My bad.
What is wrong with me? What I meant was, didn't you kill Don French so Groody Homes could build on his property? No.
No further questions.
Okay.
Let's do this.
No, no.
No.
Get down, we're done.
You did great.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Check out this new off-road truck from autotrader.
com.
Throw a surf rack on that thing, some monster tires.
That thing looks like it could float.
We don't even need a boat anymore, but I still want a boat.
Oh, thanks, Pindy.
Sorry.
Wow, this sucks.
Hey, Pindy, thanks for making it through our first week without burning down the house.
This is gonna go on for - Ever.
Forever.
What is she doing here? I called her.
- What? Why would you do that? Hey! Hey, neighbor.
Hey, guys.
What's up, doc? I'm Pindar.
Carmen tells me you hurt yourself training for a strong-man competition.
Yeah, dead-lifting our car, right? I'm fine.
For what it's worth, I'm glad she called.
Seriously? Yeah, I've been meaning to take you up on that glass of wine, but it looks like you guys are working, so Chardonnay okay? I'll get it.
I got it.
I got it.
You sure? I think I can get it.
Oh, you want to get it? Okay.
Go ahead and get it.
I should probably get it.
Is everything okay? Never better.
Why don't you take a seat? Let's have a look.
All right.
So, what is it that you do? I'm a lawyer.
You went to college? Best decade of my life.
Yeah, we're, uh, currently saving an old war vet's house from some developers.
We also do malpractice.
I'll take one of your cards.
Good God! Wow.
Levator scapulae muscle strain.
That should do it.
I should, uh, actually get going.
Whatwhat about your drink? Um, I don't usually drink with clients.
So, I'll get my office to invoice you.
Thanks, guys.
- See you! Huh.
I'm gonna find my Levator scapula and sever it later tonight.
Ah, hello.
Hello.
Before we get started, you should know this interview is standard practice.
Oh, absolutely.
Merely a formality to prove that your upcoming marriage isn't one of convenience for the sole purpose of obtaining citizenship.
Oh! Well, I can assure you officers the first time we met, our hearts were joined as one.
Weren't they, my dear? Yes, they were.
Then you have nothing to fear.
Ooh, great! Well, um, we're ready when you are.
What year was your fiance born? November 19, 1981.
City? Horsforth, West Yorkshire, England.
Oh, by the way, It's her mother who rode the Napa motorcycle.
Hmm.
He fought with the shining path resistance in Machu Picchu.
Adores garlic toast.
Adores! Swimming with the Galapagos turtles at age 11.
Between us, she calls it the Kiev power squat.
Yes, only one.
He lost it in a prison fight in Honduras.
Sent me a birthday card, two cows driving a car.
One turns to the other and says, "Move over.
" Stephen Hawking calls him Einstein.
So far, so good, Mr.
Infeld.
You both have gotten everything right.
Yeah.
So, how many do we have to get right to pass? All of them.
Oh.
What is your fiance's favorite movie? You are an out-of-work graphic artist.
Is that correct? Yes.
And, uh, were you and your uncle close? Not really.
I live in San Jose, but we're the only family we've got left, so when he called and said that the veteran affairs claimed he was dead, I flew down to help.
And when Don French was declared dead, did that not activate the death benefits for his only surviving next of kin, which is you, correct? Yes.
Your Honor, I'd like to enter a death-benefit check issued to Jordan Allen French, dated April 30th, into evidence.
Mr.
French, did you endorse this check? My uncle asked me to cash that so he could buy groceries.
Is that your signature, Mr.
French? Yes, it is.
If I may embrace the analogy of opposing counsel, by endorsing this check, you acknowledge that your uncle was deceased.
No.
That your uncle died by your hand and not my client's, correct? I I don't I don't know.
I was just trying to help.
Thank you.
No further questions.
Maybe we blew it with the wrongful death.
If we went with fraud, we could've put Don on the witness stand.
Yes.
What are you doing? I'm looking for Don's infraction citation.
Bingo! We can't put Don French on the stand.
We can get someone better.
Boys, boys, I need your assistance on the Nataliya Filas case.
We have to get to court, Stanton.
It's time-sensitive.
Well, actually, it's Jared that I really need.
Get started.
Meet you there.
See you there.
Jared, when you were temporarily made a judge for your contempt charge, were you aware that you retained limited powers? Besides mind control? Yes.
Uh, like performing a wedding ceremony.
So, uh, Stanton saw a man hurl himself into Victoria Falls, so now he's a really great listener, which is allowing him to marry an illegal alien so she can stay in the country.
Damien, do you think I've put on a bit of weight? This is my lucky wedding suit, and I No, not at all.
That suit looks as good on you as it did the last four times.
Fifth time's a charm.
What do you say we get this started? John Doe? Yes, Your Honor.
We'd like to call John Doe to the witness stand.
As you can see from the paperwork provided by the California record system, John Doe resides at 1120 Fillmore road.
That's him.
Your Honor, that's the deceased.
A man can't be both dead and alive.
No, no, we acknowledge that Don French is dead.
That's why we want to talk to John Doe.
It says here that a John Doe lives at this address.
Your Honor, uh, John Doe is a place-holder name for somebody whowho Forget it.
Swear him in.
You guys are exhausting.
Thank you.
The marriage contract is a cherished contract, and we know that.
WHAT? All right.
If anyone can show just cause why this man and this woman may not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now or hereafter remain silent.
Sorry.
That was legitimate, not sarcastic.
Very dry.
Stanton Infeld, do you take Wait.
What is it, my love? I I can't let you do this.
Oh, thank God.
Um, all right.
All right, well, uh Go ahead.
Give us a minute.
All right.
Uh, it was nice meeting you.
If this doesn't work out - Thank you.
My number's in the book.
You have a wonderful heart, Mr.
Stanton.
And you deserve a fair shot to achieve your dream.
But not this way.
Oh, people get married for dodgier reasons than patriotism.
We can't let a legality get in the way of your destiny.
Maybe it's my destiny to help you forgive yourself for what happened to that man who jumped into the falls just like in Joe versus the volcano When Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks sacrifice themselves to save each other.
Do you understand? Yes.
I understand clearly now.
I believe my journey's complete.
You are a fascinating man, Mr.
Stanton.
They should make a movie about you.
Oh, well, actually, there have been two.
One caused riots in Yemen, and the other should not be watched with children.
Goodbye, Mr.
Stanton.
Goodbye.
And thank you.
Mr.
Doe, did you know Donald French? Yes, sir.
We were very close.
Did you go to his funeral? There wasn't one.
No closure? That's sad.
Can you tell us a little about Donald French? Don French was born and raised in Van Nuys, California.
Played some unremarkable high-school football.
Drafted into the army in November of 64.
Wounded in La Drang, honorably discharged in 1967.
Came home.
Worked as a machinist at Lockheed.
Objection.
Relevance, Your Honor.
Well, Your Honor, Mr.
Doe is a character witness and an eyewitness in the death of Donald French.
How Mr.
French lived is relevant in how he subsequently died.
I'll allow it.
Mr.
Doe, did Don French marry? Yes, sir.
The beautiful Miss Janet Kreedameyer of El Segundo, the love of his life.
They had one son, Eric.
What happened to his wife and son? Eric was, uh, killed in the first Gulf War.
His beloved Janet was taken from him in October of 2004.
So, his nephew Jordan and Don's house on Fillmore road are all that's left of his legacy, correct? Yes, sir.
Does it strike you as ironic that Donald French was wounded in one of the bloodiest battles in the Vietnam war and survived his wife and son only to be killed so a realtor could win a trip to Hawaii? Objection! - Sustained.
Wind it up, Mr.
Bash.
Mr.
Doe Were you with Donald French when he died? Yes, sir.
One afternoon, he simply opened his mail.
Next thing I know, he was gone.
No further questions.
They lost the jury.
Never too early for a vodka martini.
First, vodka martini is an oxymoron.
A real martini is made with gin.
I hope you like it dry.
Second, under my watch, any settlement over six figures must be ceremoniously commemorated.
Isn't the olive fattening? It's dinner.
Wait.
Settlement? Groody caved.
That's wonderful.
Delivered to me personally by Fritz Groody.
It's more than fair.
Nice.
Salud.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Hmm, how much? Uh Whoa.
Whoa, um Mmm.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh, look at that.
Are you kidding me? Unbelievable.
Crazy.
Oh, Don? Hey, Don.
Donny.
Hey, Don? Don? Hey.
Don? What's he doing? Feel his pulse.
No! No! He's your dad's friend! Do it! Fine.
Oh, man! Shut up.
Oh, man.
I'm not getting a pulse.
Try my erection.
Oh! You son of a Geez! John! Don.
Don.
You got your house back.
And then some.
Check that out, huh? That's a lot of zeroes.
I'm alive.
You're alive.
You're alive.
I'm alive! - You're alive.
I'm alive! Oh.
Ohh! Watch out! My neck! My neck! Oh.
Oh.
Sorry.
Sorry about that.
You know.
Hey, you! Come here! People, people, let's bring this party inside.
I need you to bring it inside, okay? "People"? What are you? A gym teacher? What are you doing? I'm just trying to be considerate for our neighbors.
You mean our neighbors You mean Charlie.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
I'm totally tagging you in this picture! Oh, my God, can you Library voices, library voices.
Bring it inside.
Peter, they're having fun! Enjoy it! Come on.
Help me out.
Oh, it is good to be back among the living.
Good to have you in here, Don.
What's up? Thanks for doing this.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the noise.
I'm I'm trying to, like Yeah, you should apologize for throwing such a lame party.
How's your back? Uh, you healed me, doc.
Great.
Uh, make this less awkward.
Where's the bar? It's over Um, down there.
Yeah.
Hey, what's up with Chuckie? She billed me.
What? Yeah.
That is a This is not a bill.
It's her number.
There we go.
Hello.
We need to get you another drink.
I'm gonna need to see your ID I'm gonna need to see you in the next Yep.
- I like what this beach has to offer.
You got this? - I got this.
Okay.
You stay here.
Don't follow me.
If I need you, I'm not going to call.