Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s03e02 Episode Script

Man, the Olympics are amazing.
We are watching history being made.
You said the same thing at the grand opening of that mini-golf place.
Mm-hmm.
Shh! It's the awards ceremony.
There's gold medalist Bogdan Dragomir, who came from a poor village in Romania - and defied all odds to be here.
- You got a gold medal in Who Cares?! Bring on the gymnastics! Kerri Strug for life! Go Nigeria! Why aren't you rooting for U.
S.
A.
? Or Chinese Taipei, your homeland? Next up is woman's long jump, and Chioma Ajunwa is going to take the gold.
I root for the best.
That's my homeland.
S03E02 Breaking Chains It's because you had the idea of offering a free dessert with every entrée.
No, it's because you had the idea to hang TVs above the bar so people could watch the Olympics.
Well, either way, business has never been better, so I guess we're both geniuses.
I asked Eddie to bring in the groceries yesterday.
Did he drop it? He just dropped it, and then he just left it there.
I'll tell him to clean it up.
No, no.
He's just gonna make it worse.
I got the grape juice out of the couch.
I can get this out, too.
It's so hard to keep this place clean.
A little help would be nice.
My vase! I can't believe school starts tomorrow.
We need to walk in with either fresh gear or a great story.
I got both.
I went to the Olympics in Atlanta and got some merch.
It's Izzy the Whatizit.
You know, the official mascot.
It looks like a gay raindrop.
I had mono, so I spent all summer in bed watching Cinemax.
I learned a lot about boobs.
Now when I grow up, I want to be a pizza delivery boy.
Guys, we're eighth graders now.
We're, like, upperclassmen.
We don't need stories.
You're right.
We're gonna be like men among boys.
Who are those men? Nah, son.
We're eighth graders.
Imagination's free, man.
Doesn't cost you anything to make me feel good.
Hey, here comes one of the new sixth graders now.
Right.
Emery's starting at our school this year.
I can't wait.
There's so many new people to meet, so many new things I want to try.
Dude, sixth grade sucks.
Try starting at mid-year on a Wednesday.
Lucky for you, you have me.
I blazed the trail, and now all you got to do is kick back and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Fruits.
That's what me and Emery would sometimes eat on the bus.
Evan's taking it hard that we won't be at the same school anymore.
The thing I'm gonna miss the most is riding the bus together.
That was our special brother time.
You'll make new friends.
They will be a bandage on a wound that will never heal.
Okay, don't forget your lunch.
Hurry up.
You're gonna miss the bus.
Mom, before I embark on middle school, I just want to say thank you for giving me the tools Sure.
Here's a bag of trash.
Put it in the can on your way out, okay? Wow, look at this mess.
Look at this.
Batteries, an armless He-Man, and a tooth.
It's like the contents of a shark's stomach.
Ah.
Who could that be? Surprise! This is Mary.
She's here to clean our house.
You work so hard, and the restaurant's had a good summer.
We can afford to get you some help.
I would love some help getting the knife out of my back.
How dare you? But Should I start on the bathrooms? The beginning of the middle of the beginning of my life.
Here.
I made you something for your first day.
Aww, a gift? Of sorts, of sorts.
It's a detailed account of the lies I've told at school - for the past two years.
- What? I may have stretched the truth about our cultural heritage to make life easier.
I'm gonna need you to learn it all so you don't blow up my spot.
This is volume one.
I haven't finished copying the rest yet.
Hand fatigue.
We get Harvest Day off? What's Harvest Day? It's a Chinese holiday that falls on the first Friday of every month.
That's not true.
White people don't know that.
There's so much in here.
Why didn't you give this to me earlier? Because I do things last minute per Chinese superstition.
Page 88.
Aww, look at the little sixth graders.
They are so cute.
Hey, little guy! Every day at 11:15 we have to put our heads on our desks and close our eyes for 10 minutes? Facing west so we can sense if China's coming for Taiwan.
How does taking a nap Don't poke holes.
The story is written, my friend.
You just need to learn it.
I don't think I feel comfortable with this web of lies.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's not a web.
It's a hammock something you can kick back and relax in.
If you want to do all this, fine, but why do I have to go along with it? Because you have to.
Do you know how ch trouble I can get in? I'd probably have to redo seventh grade.
I-I guess.
Cool, cool.
Glad to have you on board.
Wow, look at all the clubs they have here.
Sorry, little bro.
No extra 'currics.
Why not? Read the book.
Can I sit here? Sorry, that's my brother's seat.
Where is he? He goes to middle school now.
Oh, well, then I can sit here.
I got a bag of walnuts if you want to share.
Hey, walnuts! A man sat here for two years! Show some respect! She's a housekeeper.
It's a gift.
Who is this woman? Where is she going to live? No, no! She's here to clean the house! It's a gift! Why do you think I would need help cleaning? This is just like Eddie with the math when we got him that tutor.
You think I need a cleaning tutor?! There was a collapsed watermelon in the living room and you said the words, "A little help would be nice.
" Oh, so now it's all my fault! It's a gift! Louis, lower your voice.
We have company.
Okay.
You know what? I already paid her.
Let's just let her clean one room.
If you don't like the job she does, we'll send her home and she'll never come back.
Fine.
But she can't listen to music.
Okay, I'll leave you ladies to it.
Have fun.
Hey there.
Looks like we're locker buddies.
Uh, uh, Sorry.
- This isn't your locker.
- What? All sixth-grade lockers start with the number four, and your brother told us that four is unlucky in Chinese culture on account of it sounding like the word "death.
" Oh.
I Come with me.
Let me show you your new locker.
Your brother really liked it 'cause it's right next to the entrance, and you don't even have to walk as far.
Guess we're locker strangers.
My locker's next to yours, yo.
Want to be my girlfriend? You were my second choice! - P.
K.
- I'm Brittany.
Cool.
Oh, I saved a seat for you in the back.
What? Why? Eddie told me that it's disrespectful in your culture to sit close to a teacher who's also a married woman.
Your distance shows your honor for my position as well as my sacred union.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
Ugh.
Why's it so warm back here? That's me.
I run hot.
They say I'll grow out of it, but, like, when? Green beans! Oh, don't worry.
We're not gonna make you eat these.
Eddie told us your body can't process the chlorophyll.
But Here you go, sweetie.
Double tots.
Uh, my body also has a hard time processing chlorophyll.
Listen, mister, I don't know what kind of scam you ran at your elementary school, but this is my house.
You'll suck up beans with the rest of these damn fools.
Double green beans.
Hello.
I am new gym teacher.
Whoa, You're Bogdan Dragomir, the Romanian who won three gold medals! Da.
How did you get here? I am fortunate.
I have cousin who lives in Orlando.
He get me job teaching sports at this university.
Come.
You will take turns trying to pull me for 30 seconds.
You will fail, but your forearms, they will burn.
Okay, weak children.
Hey, tomorrow we throw barrels over that wall like donkey monkey.
Hit the showers.
Hey, you little Asian boy named Eddie? No, he's my brother.
I'm Emery.
Old P.
E.
teacher give me heads up.
Says you don't have to shower with the other boys because of culture.
But I'm sweaty! And I like to raise my hand to answer questions.
I have chalk you can rub on body.
They call that Romanian shower.
I don't do it side to side.
I do it in circles.
Better for the wood.
I'm sorry, but, uh, this isn't wood.
This is laminate.
I do it in circles.
Do you have experience with those?! They are very delicate.
They are arranged in a certain tableau.
Each angle tells a different story.
Are they discussing the dust storm that just hit them? They're covered in the fog of resiliency.
You know what? I just don't think this is gonna work out.
Then you should leave.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I can't wait to leave.
Mr.
Huang promised me a ride home.
It's the next left.
If you want to give me a couple dollars for gas, it would be helpful.
No "yays.
" I was walking to water fountain.
No, you weren't.
We pulled you.
I've grown weak.
Too much Kentucky chicken.
Hit the showers.
Enjoy! You too.
Oh, right, you're new.
See, according to my culture Your brother, he tell me truth.
He say your lies like a web.
Not hammock.
Lies?! I don't lie.
My brother lies.
See, who are you gonna believe? Me, your best friend, or some Chinese kid you just met? We're supposed to shower in the round? Where are the curtains? Dude, there are no curtains.
That's why we came up with a system where we all look left to avoid eye contact.
It's still not great.
I love it.
I got three sisters at home, so this is the most bathroom time I get.
Girls be showering, right? Fun first day? I'd give it a 6.
- Is this still - It is.
Sorry it's taken me more than a few hours to move on.
There's plenty of other seats.
Why do you want to sit in this one? Because you remind me of my friend back in Indiana.
He was Chinese, wasn't he? Yeah.
Do you know him? - Yes.
- You do? Yeah.
And he told me not to sit next to you.
Sounds like Charlie.
Always busting balls.
I guess now my day's a 5.
I've seen things I wish I could unsee.
Ginger things.
Dark things.
Brian's things.
I enjoyed my shower.
The water pressure was just incredible.
Why did you blow my spot, bruh?! They made me shower like a damn animal! I'm not gonna lie for you anymore, Eddie.
I'm done trying to live up to your low expectations.
Are you kidding me? Do you know how many kids would kill for a setup like this? Well, not me! I was really looking forward to middle school.
But instead, my day sucked.
Why was your day hard again? Was it the better locker? The in-class nap? The double tots? Want to hear about my first day? Nobody could pronounce my name, a bunch of white kids made fun of my food, and I had to eat lunch with the janitor.
I held his kite while he finished his cantaloupe.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I just want to learn.
I want to sit in the front of the class.
I want to eat green beans.
I want to do after-school clubs.
Oh, yeah? What kind of clubs? Karate, photography, maybe even learn an instrument.
Like violin? Yes.
So, you want to be what everyone thought I was when I walked in on the first day.
You want to undo all the work I've done over the past two years.
You mean all the work you've done so you could just be lazy.
They're ignorant about who we are and where we come from.
Why shouldn't we take advantage of that? They see me coming down the hall, they're nervous.
I'm keeping them on their toes, blazing trails, breaking chains.
Then they see you coming in your gi with your violin and your camera, and we're back to where we started! Are the TVs okay?! What? You said to come down right away.
Did Nancy mess up the inputs? Have you tried hitting "source"? Jessica, the TVs are fine.
Oh.
Well, then what's going on? I got an interesting phone call from Mary.
Who? Mary.
The housekeeper who you apparently shook down for gas money.
Tell me, Louis, when did you fall in love with her? Look, Jessica, I know you're set in your way of doing things, but I promise you'll like this if you give it a chance.
I did give it a chance.
She wiped the table wrong, and then she insulted the mice.
You don't know what she's like when you're not there, Louis.
I'm sure she was nervous.
You were probably staring at her the whole time.
You have to give her a fair chance.
Now, I talked to her, and she agreed to come back.
- I don't think that's a good idea - As long as you weren't there.
She's there right now, isn't she? Mom let her in.
You are all on my list.
You, your mother - Mary.
- Mary.
All in a line at the top of my list.
That being said, I respect your trickery.
Thank you, Mary.
You didn't say thank you to Mary.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
I just I miss elementary school.
You do? Middle school's not as fun as I thought it'd be.
It's a lot more complicated.
Well, at least you have Eddie there to help you.
Eddie's kind of the problem.
Tell me everything.
Brick! What the hell, man? I'm sorry.
Did I just ruin something for you? What are you talking about? Everything you touch turns to dog-doo.
Let me guess.
You talked to Emery.
He left elementary school a joyful boy.
One day with you, Eddie One day! He can't even lift his head long enough to say thank you to the maid.
What maid? Emery's not like you.
He just wants to be himself, and you're not letting him.
Why? Because I'm blazing trails and breaking chains? You're breaking your brother's spirit.
He's just Emery.
Stop making him feel bad for being who he is.
Wow.
The house looks incredible.
She even got the bleach stain out of the cushion.
My mice.
Did she touch up the rhubarb? It's so vibrant.
I noticed it was chipped the last time I was here, so I brought some model paint.
I hope that's okay.
See? I told you.
Isn't this great? Yes, it is.
What? This is what I was afraid of.
What's next? We hire somebody to do our taxes, cut the grass, remove asbestos from the ceiling? Maybe.
If we could afford it, what's wrong with that? A family is supposed to do things for each other, not hire strangers to do them.
But we don't like doing those things.
At Cattleman's, I hire people to do things I don't want to do.
I don't want to run our house like a business.
No, I don't love cleaning up after everybody, but they need me to.
I like that they need me to.
I don't want a stranger taking care of my family.
I want to be the one taking care of them, and then resenting them for not appreciating it.
Well, I'm sorry about the gift.
We won't have a housekeeper.
You can clean the house yourself.
You win.
Thank you.
I did promise Mary a ride home, though.
Mary, how did you get the stain out of the couch? Oh, it's a family secret.
How did you get it out, Mary? You signed me up for Karate Club.
If you want to do karate, you should do karate.
And you're okay with that? I don't want to embarrass you.
Who cares what I think? Who cares what anyone thinks? You do you, dawg.
I'll just keep on putting those cracks in the jade ceiling.
Thanks.
Oh, can we just keep Harvest Day? Fine, as as long as I don't miss any tests.
We c't control when Harvest Day is, Emery.
That's up to the moon.
Hi.
Can I sit here? What made you change seats? I don't need bus time with my brother.
I live with him.
But it's nice to keep his memory alive here, too.
Emery's dead?! I thought he just went to middle school! That's Sharlene.
She's a real pill.