Good Girls (2018) s03e02 Episode Script
Not Just Cards
1 Previously on "Good Girls" They're gonna take the house.
I made you something.
It's literally nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and bleach.
She's a terrible human being, and she thinks, because she lives in this clean little bubble, that no one's gonna notice.
Be good, okay? Maybe the man just needed a greeting card.
Throw it on.
Thanks again for working your magic.
I wish I could do more.
I murdered the kids' dad, all right? Marcus' dad he sets us up.
- What if he doesn't come back? - How much? I'm not taking your money.
Can we not use the phrase "a friend.
" He's dead.
One last name popped up.
[dramatic music.]
[Swans' "It's Coming It's Real".]
[experimental rock music.]
In the place where you lay In the shimmer above In the rust and the oil Well, how much did you get for it? Well, where am I supposed to put my clothes? Where you put 'em now.
There's nowhere to run to You forget where you've been Your shadow is shrinking You know that grandfather clock has been in my family for, like, two generations? The girls think it's haunted.
Yeah, with the Boland dynasty.
It has nine bids, Dean.
Rage on Helpless Reach out Well, what about your country, rustic thingy? No offers yet.
So surprised.
We need the money, okay? Reach out Sightless I got to pay her back, Dean.
I just got to pay her back.
Soundless Hey, Mama.
- Daddy! - What's up, man? [grunts.]
How you doing? Need to get that doorbell fixed.
Hey, Mom.
I made you something.
- Want to see it? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
Check it out.
- It's cool? - Yeah.
Yeah? He missed you.
- I'm back now.
- [woman chuckles.]
So what's up? Can you come to one of my games? Yeah.
Yeah, Mama got you hoopin' now? No, soccer.
- Soccer? - Yeah.
How you get into that? A mom friend at the park.
Rage on Soundless We're not paying her to check Instagram.
It's fine, it's fine.
We're paying her to make sure that our baby doesn't die.
All right.
All right.
Uh [clears throat.]
To nationals, huh? - [clears throat.]
- Mm-hmm.
Resolved that my son is the coolest, smartest, most talkiest debater in all of southeastern Michigan Okay.
- Soon to be the entire nation.
- Mom.
Yay, Sadie! Ben.
Of course, yeah - I'm I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
Takes a minute.
Ben.
- To Ben.
- To Ben, to Ben.
Your order will be up in just a minute.
- Thanks.
- Oh.
[grunting.]
So now that we're all to [grunting.]
[gulps.]
- Can I have a green tea? - Mm-hmm.
[chuckles.]
So we wanted to thank you.
Oh - For what? - No, no, not here.
We're in couples therapy.
Oh, yep, there it is.
And and we're really doing great work.
Well, I guess we have a lot to celebrate.
And Dr.
Cohen mentioned that you could possibly play a role in our healing.
Ew.
Well, that's not really what he said exactly.
Well, honey, he did say that she's the reason that you slipped up.
- Excuse me.
- Can I use the restroom? - Yes.
- Yes, now.
- Please.
- [scoffs.]
Okay, look, in the spirit of Ben [shushes.]
What else did, uh, Dr.
Cohen say? What if we just table this debate, huh? Well, he said that you're a tiny bit broken.
Wow.
And a little bit lost.
- Wow.
- Oh, God.
[clears throat.]
And that you are trying to fix yourself by using my husband's you know And and that it's just kind of, like, this dysfunctional pattern, and it is going to keep repeating itself until we all figure this out.
It's deep stuff.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What's your take, Gregg? Um, just that if you would like to talk with him that we would cover it.
I have his card.
Here.
Your Dante's Inferno.
[silverware clattering.]
[dramatic music.]
You sure? We got to pay electric.
What about our phone? [sighs.]
Send the check for phone to water.
Send the water to phone.
They see we had good intentions.
Yeah, take 'em at least a couple weeks to sort out.
And we still take showers.
Yeah, well, not Li'l Money.
[chuckles.]
Truly, he smells like hamsters and burps.
[sighs.]
I hate how good we are at this.
I know.
Bill roulette.
- [cell phone vibrating.]
- Hey, still works.
[chuckles.]
Hey, Darryl.
When? What do you mean by "helping"? Pointing out everything that I'm doing wrong.
[clicks tongue.]
Dog, I've been on that for years.
- Oh, she's more specific - [doorbell chimes.]
Like where I keep my trash bags, what I feed my kids, the way I wear my "rouge," as she puts it.
Too much, right? Too little.
Hmm.
Hey, uh, this hot dog tastes weird.
It's been spinning under a light bulb for three days.
I need a refund.
You bought gas station meat.
Make better choices.
Hey, can I talk to your manager? Ooh.
- [doorbell chimes.]
- Just kick her ass to the curb.
She's cleaning and doing the laundry.
She ironed Dean's underwear.
[cell phone vibrating.]
It's Ruby.
Hey, lady.
Do you guys sell flowers? [truck beeping in the distance.]
Jesus.
Yeah.
What is up with the teddy bears at these things? I just mean they were adults.
Everybody go to the same Kroger to get flowers? Can you not? I'm just saying.
The man is dead, okay? He did try to frame Stan.
Annie.
And lock us up.
He lost his life.
Okay.
[sighs.]
That's not how that works.
[sighs.]
You all right? It is really weird.
[somber music.]
Guess we're back in business.
Here's what we do.
Little help here? We print 20 mil, one big run, - buy a giant super yacht.
- [bubble pops.]
Can I put my mother-in-law on it? [laughs.]
Round-the-world cruise? Round and round and then round again.
- [laughs.]
- No, because we sell it for a fleet of private jets - money washed.
- [bubble pops.]
Boom.
What do we do with jets? Sell 'em to the Saudis.
- [bubble pops.]
- Boom.
- Stop saying "boom.
" - Um, and we need that.
- Fine.
- [bubble pops.]
How would you wash the money? What would he do? She means gang friend.
Yeah, I connected those dots.
He outsourced.
Yeah, we did that, and we got banned from Costco for life.
Literally, I grocery shop at the dollar store.
Okay what if we didn't use people like us? You mean like people like him? Yeah.
Where do we find those people? [door opens, indistinct chatter.]
Hey, how was soccer? I got to play goalie.
- I thought Marcus was goalie.
- He didn't come today.
[indistinct chatter, door closes.]
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
Your rouge is just lovely.
Free sample.
Oh, what about mine, Judith? - Please, you've got youth.
- [laughs.]
[mouthing words.]
Beth, are you home for dinner, or will you be at the card shop? It's not just cards, Judith.
They have gifts and You sold my clock? My ancestors brought that across the country in a covered wagon.
Well, it's going back across to Phil Hanson in a box truck.
Well, it's your wedding gift.
I'll start the stroganoff.
[sighs.]
I mean, her rouge is on point.
- I hate you both.
- [chuckles.]
[soft dramatic music.]
- See you, Dean.
- Yeah, have a good one.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
Hey, you.
How do you like my fish? Can't wait to catch my own.
I just wish I knew how to get my sales up, you know? I got to let you in on something, Dean.
It'll be our secret.
No one needs a hot tub.
[laughs.]
Okay.
Well, how'd you get all those? Landscapers, contractors, realtors.
It's a relationship game.
[chuckles.]
I'll tell you, it sucks to be the new kid at school.
Why don't I introduce you? Seriously? Come to dinner Thursday.
I'm meeting some developers.
Thanks.
I'll head back.
Thank you.
[soft music playing.]
How is it being a mental patient? It's okay.
What's your damage? My parents are getting a divorce.
What's that got to do with you? They're my parents.
Yeah, so, like, why aren't they here? I don't know.
You do drugs? No.
You got a girlfriend? There's a girl I sort of like.
Well, she like you back? She sits next to me on the bus.
You're fine.
[door opens.]
Hey, come on in, Tim.
Actually, one sec.
This'll just take a sec.
Real quick, Tim.
Here we go.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
What's Otsego University? A nationally accredited college.
Where's the campus? - Online.
- Bingo.
Well, your country's quite stingy with visas.
Oh, so you're illegal.
Are you from the board? You know, you might want to lay down for this, Dr.
Cohen No one really does that.
Because I am not lost, I'm not broken, and I am certainly not the reason that Gregory cheated on his wife.
- You hear me? - Loud and clear.
- Yeah.
- Good, good, good.
Because I'm about to deliver some straight talk that's gonna help you render your verdict or whatever it is you people call it.
We call it a diagnosis.
He came to me, okay? He came to me because that marriage is a joke.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
So it's not really my fault that he got tired of boning an ice queen whose idea of getting wild is leaving her bra on for a quickie.
Oh, man, I mean, who'd want to tap that? Well, not her husband, especially not after being locked up in a McMansion where you can't even choose your own outfits, or, God forbid, you try to talk about something other than ways to jack up your face with lip fillers and butt cement.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like they've got you all wrong.
Yes, yes.
Now, what are you gonna do about it, Otsego? Oh, uh, I don't need a prescription, okay? Oh, no, that's fine.
That's fine.
Um here's who you're looking for, I think Dr.
Eli Cohen.
I'm Josh Cohen.
I work with kids.
Yeah, um, Eli's upstairs in a suite.
Oh.
You'll like him.
He went to a real college.
[both chuckle.]
Well, thank you for listening.
On the house.
That's so nice.
- Do you mind sending Tim in? - No, not at all.
- Thanks.
- [chuckles.]
I'll just - Oh, Tim? - [both chuckle.]
No, leave it open.
Yeah.
"Coal black"? Now, how's that different from coal gray and ink black? Hold it to the light.
I mean, where is this guy? Why can't they just make black black? - Is anyone working? - You know, funeral black.
You know, say exactly what you need it for.
Oh, okay, I see.
It's like that.
All right, we're out of here.
I need to buy a suit, Ruby.
You got to go to this thing? The man tried to put you away.
Okay, I'm going for the families.
Be right with you, folks.
Oh, really? Okay, okay, calm down, chief.
I mean, the time to be right with us is long gone.
Babe, not now.
How we doing over here? We were better before you started Snapchatting your bestie.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you.
And that, Brian, is exactly the problem.
Yeah, so do you guys, uh, validate even if you don't buy anything? Let's go, Stanley! Hey, I'm just checking in.
Uh, Jane said that Marcus wasn't at soccer today, so, um I hope he doesn't have that bug that's going around.
Danny had it last week.
It's really brutal.
I'm waiting for it to take out the rest of us.
Um, anyway, uh, yeah, just call me back.
I hope you guys are okay.
Hey, how much, uh how much cash do you have on you? Why? We need to tip the movers pretty big.
Why? Well, I kind of I kind of stepped in it with one of them.
Which one? The guy with the tat with the girl on it the one with super detail with the boobs, the nipple, - and the camel toe.
- All right.
What did you say? I made some stupid joke about most movers coming straight out of prison.
I wasn't even talking about those guys.
Okay, so? So they're straight out of prison, and the lead guy with the tattoo thingy, his rap sheet reads like a CVS receipt.
He's telling me like he's proud armed robbery, forced entry, kidnapping, something-class two with animals.
We're talking full-on criminal, Beth.
- [Polo & Pan's "Pays Imaginaire".]
- Car il faut rentrer - [woman singing in French.]
- Le réveil du bout de son nez M'interpelle, nos mains doucement Se séparent à jamais Oh ce n'est qu'un rêve, animé Les soirs d'une trêve, imaginée Ainsi je me lève, tu es là à mes côtés Lemonade? [tape tearing.]
We have an employee, okay? He's gonna wash exactly like we did, except Where did this guy go to prison? I don't know.
He didn't have a résumé.
Yeah, but is he more Martha Stewart or Suge Knight? I don't think he plays golf.
Oh, great.
So we're rape bait.
Well, can't get all of us.
I mean, not all at once.
Great.
So he gets me while you watch? No, we run for help.
The point is, he's gonna wash in ways that we can't.
So how's he gonna do it? Not Costco.
[pop music playing quietly.]
How much are these? $9.
95.
50/50, right? What? No.
What we agreed on.
We said 10.
I meant 50.
- [door opens, bell rings.]
- Uh, Beth.
[sniffs.]
48 hours.
[door closes, bell rings.]
- Well, no one got raped.
- Sort of.
- [sighs.]
- [knock at door.]
Ben's at a friend's.
- I-I came for you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- It came out wrong, okay? - Oh, which part - the needy and slutty - [door closes.]
Or the lost and broken? She's still hurt and, like, super mad.
That I get.
It's just her way of processing it, okay? What I don't understand is how you could possibly think that your penis wasn't equally at fault here, Gregg.
What do you want me to do, Annie? - Stand up for me for once.
- You didn't want me.
You had a baby with her.
Yeah, and now that's why I got to try and fix it.
I feel bad for you.
[scoffs.]
Okay.
You know, you could see every shrink on the planet, and you'd still never sack up.
Nice.
Good luck on your spiritual journey.
Got it.
- Find the light, Gregory.
- [door opens.]
You know what? You're lucky.
Why's that? Because it must be nice being just so perfect.
[door slams.]
ALL: God is great.
God is good.
By His blessings, we are fed.
Give us, Lord, our daily bread.
Amen.
- Mom.
- Hi, Mommy.
I thought you'd be selling your cards tonight.
Not just cards, Judith.
Let me get you a seat.
So we're praying at dinner now? Yeah, Mom thought it would be fun.
Hmm.
How'd it go today? He sold another Boland.
That's not what they're called, Mom.
Tell that to the Jacuzzi family.
Are we going to be famous? Ooh, when Daddy has his own spa named after him, yes.
We're a long way from that, dear.
There you go.
Mommy's in the baby chair.
What do you call a cow who's masturbating? Beef stroganoff.
Get it? It's a cow that's, you know - [laughter.]
- Kenneth Irving Boland.
Kenny, why don't you go do your homework? He needs to finish his dinner.
So the Jacuzzis were actually brothers.
Do you want to be finished, KB? - Yeah.
- Go play video games.
They've had plenty of screen time.
And throw in some YouTube.
There were seven of 'em, and they started out making airplane propellers.
[chuckles.]
Got to be in the clean-plate club to get dessert.
One of 'em died in a plane crash, and they decided to scrap it and and just focus on impellers and hydrodynamics instead.
You can have as much dessert as you want.
All I know is there are plenty of starving children in Africa that would love to have this food.
Ship it to 'em.
Come on, let's go crush some brownies.
- I'm in the clean-plate club! - Me too! - I want brownies! - [laughter.]
I get the first one! [clicks tongue.]
And that's how they got in the whirlpool game.
I appreciate you helping us out.
Did Dean ever tell you I worked? No.
After he was born, I was sitting on a bag of frozen peas, squirting water down there so I could tinkle without my parts catching fire.
Nobody tells you what it's like.
That you'll come out all stitched back together like Humpty Dumpty.
We'd never have kids.
And everyone's fawning over this perfect baby boy, while I'm just Nothing empty, flesh and hormones over ice.
[wine pouring.]
I had postpartum after Jane.
Back then, they called it "a nervous condition.
" [sighs.]
Judith.
So I became a shopgirl.
Got dressed up, dropped the baby with a neighbor, took the bus downtown, and you know what? I felt like a person again with a purpose.
Why'd you stop? I made a quarter of what John made, and my son was being raised by wolves.
Dean's boss called him management material.
Your happiness was important, too.
How much does the card shop pay? You shouldn't have quit.
And you should be home for dinner if you don't want the kids saying grace.
What a lie, huh? That we can have it all.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
It's no crazier than saying "Jacuzzi.
" Ooh, I slept funny.
I know something that could work that right out.
- All right.
- What's that? - Take a Boland.
- [both chuckle.]
Nice, steamy Boland.
Oh, a big, bubbling Boland.
Coming in off the ski slopes.
Rough day at work? Grab your favorite magazine.
Pop out back.
Step into a foamy Boland.
- Yeah! - [laughter.]
Where is this guy? I don't know.
I don't know if he's lost.
- Text him.
- I just did.
What if he went to the paper place? I gave him the address.
What if he's not coming? [line trilling.]
Yo.
Hi.
It's Beth.
I'm just calling for a quick ETA.
I'm not gonna make it.
Oh, uh do you need to reschedule? No, I'm good.
But you owe us some money.
Yeah, I did some math, and it works out way better for me if I take 100%.
What? - Hello? - [phone beeps.]
Did he say "math" or "meth"? - Call him back.
- And do what? Say "please"? [line trilling.]
You have reached the voice mailbox of 313 [sighs.]
Let's do what he would do.
He would make him eat a Glock.
Okay, let's do that.
Beth, you're not a scary gangbanger with throat tats.
You're a mom with a Chinese symbol on your hip you got on Spring Break.
Wait, I thought you got that lasered.
It is so expensive.
You are never gonna be him.
So let's just suck it up, print some more.
Are you serious? We have the plates.
We have the press.
That last run cost us a grand in ones.
We have to find another career criminal.
What happens when that guy decides to renegotiate? Then we make more.
And then that guy? We make more.
And then every criminal in the city knows that we're a bunch of suckers.
Well, can't have it all.
[dramatic music.]
I'm a pillar of the community.
I organize the neighborhood watch.
I'm on the PTA, Chamber of Commerce.
I post on Yelp, Angie's List, Nextdoor.
I am a den mother, for God's sake.
Ma'am, again, I apologize Yeah, well, that's not gonna put the 500 bucks back in my son's piggy bank.
Do you know how many lawns he had to mow for that? Now, is it possible that he misplaced it? Really? $500 goes missing on the exact day that this guy is loose in my house? I didn't take this bitch's money.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
A lot of strong emotions here.
I just want my money.
You might want to be careful about who you're coming at with all these accusations.
No, I-I am sure that we can work something out.
Or this bitch could take it up with his parole officer.
How many violations do you get before they send you back? We're gonna take another good look around.
I'd appreciate that.
What's this? Don't start.
[sighs.]
I hope it's not a coal black suit.
Yep, and I got the pocket square, too.
Why would you go back there? They're the only place that does layaway.
- How long did you wait? - [sighs.]
- Please let me make my sandwich - How long? You're exhausting.
Maybe you need to be more exhausting.
And what does that mean? You're so used to being disrespected, you don't even see it happening anymore.
Babe, you go HAM every time they seat us by a bathroom in a restaurant.
Why should we sit by the bathroom? - Somebody's got to.
- It's unappetizing.
- Babe, ask them to move.
- I shouldn't have to.
And I should be able to enjoy dinner with my family without feeling like the whole world is out to get us.
So you just want to pretend it's not happening? [knife scraping.]
I just want buying a suit to be buying a suit.
They're UV protected, maintenance-free.
We can match the color of any deck, any siding, no matter what, guaranteed.
Where have you been hiding this one, Gayle? - Just my secret weapon.
- Oh.
Looking forward to more, Dean.
- Yes, sir.
- Drinks on us next time.
Next time we are drinking to celebrate a big sale.
- [chuckles.]
- Bye, you guys, drive safe.
- All right? - Thanks so much.
What did I tell you? I am serious.
You're a natural.
Oh, I had a pretty good teacher.
Maybe it's about making the right connection.
[car door opens, man whistles.]
- [car door closes.]
- Oh, thanks, man.
Oh, wait, I had the, uh I had the gray Buick.
Those are mine.
[inhales deeply.]
This is gonna be fun, huh? For sure.
Hey, it's me.
I'm not trying to stalk you or anything.
I'm just a little worried.
Um I hope I'm crazy, and you and Marcus are having fun somewhere.
[Beak's "We Can Go".]
Um call me or text me or, um, whatever.
['50s rock music playing over speakers.]
How is that your breakfast? Savory sweet.
Disgusting.
It's like huevos rancheros.
Except no huevos.
And no rancheros.
I'm a grown-up.
I can eat whatever I want.
Comprende? So he just showed up with all of it? Minus his cut, yeah.
We should've kept his share.
Show him who's boss.
Easy to say when you're not in the dark backyard with him and his big old meat hands.
So let's go divvy up.
Yeah, I'm gonna buy Ben a pony.
You know, those really tiny ones? Does he want a pony? What kid doesn't want a pony? - Girl, you have bills.
- I mean with the extra.
Or instead of a pony we take this profit, and we get more ones.
And then what? We print more money.
And then what? We make more.
Yeah? And then what? - Whatever we want.
- Yeah.
[laughter.]
I mean, it's what he would do.
- Hmm? - He wouldn't do that.
- [laughs.]
- You're jealous.
Here, you two can join the syrup-on-your-face club.
- Don't get it anywhere near me.
- Come on.
I don't want it anywhere near me.
We're accepting new members.
- [laughter.]
- Yikes.
- [door opens.]
- Hey.
Hey.
How'd you do? - Well [sighs.]
- [door closes.]
Some dude gave me a 20 to park his E-Class out front.
- Gross.
- Yeah.
I horked in his water bottle and stole all his change.
So how's my Nance? She keeps saying my name to prove she's cool with it.
[imitating Nancy.]
Hi, Ben.
How was school today, Ben? Would you like a boba, Ben? Boba Ben, Ben, Ben, boba? She's so woke.
[scoffs.]
Yeah, ever since she got therapized.
That whole thing was so wrong.
You know who I think needs a therapist? Therapists.
Jenny's mom's a therapist.
And she went to rehab for Ritalin.
Why are they up your butt anyway? You don't need a therapist.
Thank you.
You tell me everything.
I solve your problems.
I-I mean, not everything.
[chuckles.]
Good thing I'm free, 'cause you'd go broke.
[indistinct chatter on TV.]
So how's this supposed to work, anyway? Just talk about what's bothering you.
Yeah, but what do people usually say? Well, most of my patients are younger, so lots of complaints about brushing teeth, going to bed early, wanting more screen time.
This is stupid.
I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Aren't you gonna try to stop me? I can't help you if you don't have any problems.
Got a problem with your attitude.
[laughs.]
What else? Well, this bean-bag chair kind of smells like pee.
There is a reason for that.
[chuckles.]
What else? [serious music.]
- Babe.
- Yeah? Was I like this when you met me? No, you hid it better.
You should've checked references.
Honestly, I'm angry, too, babe, but you just can't live in it all the time.
What if I found a way to stop? Oh, yeah, sure, there's, um, yoga, meditations, church has got a bunch of different fellowships.
What if it was something you wouldn't like? But we wouldn't have to sit next to the bathroom ever again? I thought we said never again.
You look real good in that suit.
Nice.
- Pass this down to Daddy.
- [door opens.]
Daddy gets the big piece.
- There we go.
- Nice.
- [door closes.]
- Here you go.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
I was defrosting a casserole.
Oh, the kids wanted pizza.
Yeah, come, uh come sit down, have a slice.
- Come on, guys, help me out.
- Pass it, come on, let's go.
I put you here next to Kenny.
Is pepperoni okay? - Uh-huh.
- All right, team Boland, check in.
How's everyone's day? Thank you.
Oh, really? Nobody has anything to say at all? Ooh, I killed a frog in science.
Oh, that's gnarly.
I finally made sense of that pantry of yours.
I had a pretty good day.
Yeah? I got an opportunity to make some real money.
They want to promote me to manager.
No way.
Yay, Mommy.
- Is that better than worker? - Way better.
I get salary.
I get commission on every event.
That's awesome.
They're even talking profit sharing.
What about the hours? Well, that's the best part, because we'll be able to afford help now and you don't have to worry about us anymore.
That is incredible.
Congratulations.
And, you guys, how about we say thank you to Nana? - Thanks, Nana.
- Thank you, Nana.
We couldn't have done it without you.
[cell phone vibrating.]
Work.
Cheers.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, I was worried about you.
And Marcus is okay? No, no, no, no, no, I totally get it.
Well, listen, I've got your money, and it's, like, totally burning a hole in my pocket.
I know, but I'm not good at this stuff.
Hey, you want to get a drink or something? Dean's mom is here, and it's, like, this whole thing.
You're gonna die.
Can I get you anything? I'll wait for my friend.
[indistinct chatter.]
[electronic music.]
She ain't coming.
[high-pitched ringing.]
I think you might need that drink, huh? [ringing continues.]
I made you something.
It's literally nail polish remover, hydrogen peroxide, and bleach.
She's a terrible human being, and she thinks, because she lives in this clean little bubble, that no one's gonna notice.
Be good, okay? Maybe the man just needed a greeting card.
Throw it on.
Thanks again for working your magic.
I wish I could do more.
I murdered the kids' dad, all right? Marcus' dad he sets us up.
- What if he doesn't come back? - How much? I'm not taking your money.
Can we not use the phrase "a friend.
" He's dead.
One last name popped up.
[dramatic music.]
[Swans' "It's Coming It's Real".]
[experimental rock music.]
In the place where you lay In the shimmer above In the rust and the oil Well, how much did you get for it? Well, where am I supposed to put my clothes? Where you put 'em now.
There's nowhere to run to You forget where you've been Your shadow is shrinking You know that grandfather clock has been in my family for, like, two generations? The girls think it's haunted.
Yeah, with the Boland dynasty.
It has nine bids, Dean.
Rage on Helpless Reach out Well, what about your country, rustic thingy? No offers yet.
So surprised.
We need the money, okay? Reach out Sightless I got to pay her back, Dean.
I just got to pay her back.
Soundless Hey, Mama.
- Daddy! - What's up, man? [grunts.]
How you doing? Need to get that doorbell fixed.
Hey, Mom.
I made you something.
- Want to see it? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
Check it out.
- It's cool? - Yeah.
Yeah? He missed you.
- I'm back now.
- [woman chuckles.]
So what's up? Can you come to one of my games? Yeah.
Yeah, Mama got you hoopin' now? No, soccer.
- Soccer? - Yeah.
How you get into that? A mom friend at the park.
Rage on Soundless We're not paying her to check Instagram.
It's fine, it's fine.
We're paying her to make sure that our baby doesn't die.
All right.
All right.
Uh [clears throat.]
To nationals, huh? - [clears throat.]
- Mm-hmm.
Resolved that my son is the coolest, smartest, most talkiest debater in all of southeastern Michigan Okay.
- Soon to be the entire nation.
- Mom.
Yay, Sadie! Ben.
Of course, yeah - I'm I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
Takes a minute.
Ben.
- To Ben.
- To Ben, to Ben.
Your order will be up in just a minute.
- Thanks.
- Oh.
[grunting.]
So now that we're all to [grunting.]
[gulps.]
- Can I have a green tea? - Mm-hmm.
[chuckles.]
So we wanted to thank you.
Oh - For what? - No, no, not here.
We're in couples therapy.
Oh, yep, there it is.
And and we're really doing great work.
Well, I guess we have a lot to celebrate.
And Dr.
Cohen mentioned that you could possibly play a role in our healing.
Ew.
Well, that's not really what he said exactly.
Well, honey, he did say that she's the reason that you slipped up.
- Excuse me.
- Can I use the restroom? - Yes.
- Yes, now.
- Please.
- [scoffs.]
Okay, look, in the spirit of Ben [shushes.]
What else did, uh, Dr.
Cohen say? What if we just table this debate, huh? Well, he said that you're a tiny bit broken.
Wow.
And a little bit lost.
- Wow.
- Oh, God.
[clears throat.]
And that you are trying to fix yourself by using my husband's you know And and that it's just kind of, like, this dysfunctional pattern, and it is going to keep repeating itself until we all figure this out.
It's deep stuff.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What's your take, Gregg? Um, just that if you would like to talk with him that we would cover it.
I have his card.
Here.
Your Dante's Inferno.
[silverware clattering.]
[dramatic music.]
You sure? We got to pay electric.
What about our phone? [sighs.]
Send the check for phone to water.
Send the water to phone.
They see we had good intentions.
Yeah, take 'em at least a couple weeks to sort out.
And we still take showers.
Yeah, well, not Li'l Money.
[chuckles.]
Truly, he smells like hamsters and burps.
[sighs.]
I hate how good we are at this.
I know.
Bill roulette.
- [cell phone vibrating.]
- Hey, still works.
[chuckles.]
Hey, Darryl.
When? What do you mean by "helping"? Pointing out everything that I'm doing wrong.
[clicks tongue.]
Dog, I've been on that for years.
- Oh, she's more specific - [doorbell chimes.]
Like where I keep my trash bags, what I feed my kids, the way I wear my "rouge," as she puts it.
Too much, right? Too little.
Hmm.
Hey, uh, this hot dog tastes weird.
It's been spinning under a light bulb for three days.
I need a refund.
You bought gas station meat.
Make better choices.
Hey, can I talk to your manager? Ooh.
- [doorbell chimes.]
- Just kick her ass to the curb.
She's cleaning and doing the laundry.
She ironed Dean's underwear.
[cell phone vibrating.]
It's Ruby.
Hey, lady.
Do you guys sell flowers? [truck beeping in the distance.]
Jesus.
Yeah.
What is up with the teddy bears at these things? I just mean they were adults.
Everybody go to the same Kroger to get flowers? Can you not? I'm just saying.
The man is dead, okay? He did try to frame Stan.
Annie.
And lock us up.
He lost his life.
Okay.
[sighs.]
That's not how that works.
[sighs.]
You all right? It is really weird.
[somber music.]
Guess we're back in business.
Here's what we do.
Little help here? We print 20 mil, one big run, - buy a giant super yacht.
- [bubble pops.]
Can I put my mother-in-law on it? [laughs.]
Round-the-world cruise? Round and round and then round again.
- [laughs.]
- No, because we sell it for a fleet of private jets - money washed.
- [bubble pops.]
Boom.
What do we do with jets? Sell 'em to the Saudis.
- [bubble pops.]
- Boom.
- Stop saying "boom.
" - Um, and we need that.
- Fine.
- [bubble pops.]
How would you wash the money? What would he do? She means gang friend.
Yeah, I connected those dots.
He outsourced.
Yeah, we did that, and we got banned from Costco for life.
Literally, I grocery shop at the dollar store.
Okay what if we didn't use people like us? You mean like people like him? Yeah.
Where do we find those people? [door opens, indistinct chatter.]
Hey, how was soccer? I got to play goalie.
- I thought Marcus was goalie.
- He didn't come today.
[indistinct chatter, door closes.]
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
Your rouge is just lovely.
Free sample.
Oh, what about mine, Judith? - Please, you've got youth.
- [laughs.]
[mouthing words.]
Beth, are you home for dinner, or will you be at the card shop? It's not just cards, Judith.
They have gifts and You sold my clock? My ancestors brought that across the country in a covered wagon.
Well, it's going back across to Phil Hanson in a box truck.
Well, it's your wedding gift.
I'll start the stroganoff.
[sighs.]
I mean, her rouge is on point.
- I hate you both.
- [chuckles.]
[soft dramatic music.]
- See you, Dean.
- Yeah, have a good one.
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.
Hey, you.
How do you like my fish? Can't wait to catch my own.
I just wish I knew how to get my sales up, you know? I got to let you in on something, Dean.
It'll be our secret.
No one needs a hot tub.
[laughs.]
Okay.
Well, how'd you get all those? Landscapers, contractors, realtors.
It's a relationship game.
[chuckles.]
I'll tell you, it sucks to be the new kid at school.
Why don't I introduce you? Seriously? Come to dinner Thursday.
I'm meeting some developers.
Thanks.
I'll head back.
Thank you.
[soft music playing.]
How is it being a mental patient? It's okay.
What's your damage? My parents are getting a divorce.
What's that got to do with you? They're my parents.
Yeah, so, like, why aren't they here? I don't know.
You do drugs? No.
You got a girlfriend? There's a girl I sort of like.
Well, she like you back? She sits next to me on the bus.
You're fine.
[door opens.]
Hey, come on in, Tim.
Actually, one sec.
This'll just take a sec.
Real quick, Tim.
Here we go.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
What's Otsego University? A nationally accredited college.
Where's the campus? - Online.
- Bingo.
Well, your country's quite stingy with visas.
Oh, so you're illegal.
Are you from the board? You know, you might want to lay down for this, Dr.
Cohen No one really does that.
Because I am not lost, I'm not broken, and I am certainly not the reason that Gregory cheated on his wife.
- You hear me? - Loud and clear.
- Yeah.
- Good, good, good.
Because I'm about to deliver some straight talk that's gonna help you render your verdict or whatever it is you people call it.
We call it a diagnosis.
He came to me, okay? He came to me because that marriage is a joke.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
So it's not really my fault that he got tired of boning an ice queen whose idea of getting wild is leaving her bra on for a quickie.
Oh, man, I mean, who'd want to tap that? Well, not her husband, especially not after being locked up in a McMansion where you can't even choose your own outfits, or, God forbid, you try to talk about something other than ways to jack up your face with lip fillers and butt cement.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like they've got you all wrong.
Yes, yes.
Now, what are you gonna do about it, Otsego? Oh, uh, I don't need a prescription, okay? Oh, no, that's fine.
That's fine.
Um here's who you're looking for, I think Dr.
Eli Cohen.
I'm Josh Cohen.
I work with kids.
Yeah, um, Eli's upstairs in a suite.
Oh.
You'll like him.
He went to a real college.
[both chuckle.]
Well, thank you for listening.
On the house.
That's so nice.
- Do you mind sending Tim in? - No, not at all.
- Thanks.
- [chuckles.]
I'll just - Oh, Tim? - [both chuckle.]
No, leave it open.
Yeah.
"Coal black"? Now, how's that different from coal gray and ink black? Hold it to the light.
I mean, where is this guy? Why can't they just make black black? - Is anyone working? - You know, funeral black.
You know, say exactly what you need it for.
Oh, okay, I see.
It's like that.
All right, we're out of here.
I need to buy a suit, Ruby.
You got to go to this thing? The man tried to put you away.
Okay, I'm going for the families.
Be right with you, folks.
Oh, really? Okay, okay, calm down, chief.
I mean, the time to be right with us is long gone.
Babe, not now.
How we doing over here? We were better before you started Snapchatting your bestie.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you.
And that, Brian, is exactly the problem.
Yeah, so do you guys, uh, validate even if you don't buy anything? Let's go, Stanley! Hey, I'm just checking in.
Uh, Jane said that Marcus wasn't at soccer today, so, um I hope he doesn't have that bug that's going around.
Danny had it last week.
It's really brutal.
I'm waiting for it to take out the rest of us.
Um, anyway, uh, yeah, just call me back.
I hope you guys are okay.
Hey, how much, uh how much cash do you have on you? Why? We need to tip the movers pretty big.
Why? Well, I kind of I kind of stepped in it with one of them.
Which one? The guy with the tat with the girl on it the one with super detail with the boobs, the nipple, - and the camel toe.
- All right.
What did you say? I made some stupid joke about most movers coming straight out of prison.
I wasn't even talking about those guys.
Okay, so? So they're straight out of prison, and the lead guy with the tattoo thingy, his rap sheet reads like a CVS receipt.
He's telling me like he's proud armed robbery, forced entry, kidnapping, something-class two with animals.
We're talking full-on criminal, Beth.
- [Polo & Pan's "Pays Imaginaire".]
- Car il faut rentrer - [woman singing in French.]
- Le réveil du bout de son nez M'interpelle, nos mains doucement Se séparent à jamais Oh ce n'est qu'un rêve, animé Les soirs d'une trêve, imaginée Ainsi je me lève, tu es là à mes côtés Lemonade? [tape tearing.]
We have an employee, okay? He's gonna wash exactly like we did, except Where did this guy go to prison? I don't know.
He didn't have a résumé.
Yeah, but is he more Martha Stewart or Suge Knight? I don't think he plays golf.
Oh, great.
So we're rape bait.
Well, can't get all of us.
I mean, not all at once.
Great.
So he gets me while you watch? No, we run for help.
The point is, he's gonna wash in ways that we can't.
So how's he gonna do it? Not Costco.
[pop music playing quietly.]
How much are these? $9.
95.
50/50, right? What? No.
What we agreed on.
We said 10.
I meant 50.
- [door opens, bell rings.]
- Uh, Beth.
[sniffs.]
48 hours.
[door closes, bell rings.]
- Well, no one got raped.
- Sort of.
- [sighs.]
- [knock at door.]
Ben's at a friend's.
- I-I came for you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- It came out wrong, okay? - Oh, which part - the needy and slutty - [door closes.]
Or the lost and broken? She's still hurt and, like, super mad.
That I get.
It's just her way of processing it, okay? What I don't understand is how you could possibly think that your penis wasn't equally at fault here, Gregg.
What do you want me to do, Annie? - Stand up for me for once.
- You didn't want me.
You had a baby with her.
Yeah, and now that's why I got to try and fix it.
I feel bad for you.
[scoffs.]
Okay.
You know, you could see every shrink on the planet, and you'd still never sack up.
Nice.
Good luck on your spiritual journey.
Got it.
- Find the light, Gregory.
- [door opens.]
You know what? You're lucky.
Why's that? Because it must be nice being just so perfect.
[door slams.]
ALL: God is great.
God is good.
By His blessings, we are fed.
Give us, Lord, our daily bread.
Amen.
- Mom.
- Hi, Mommy.
I thought you'd be selling your cards tonight.
Not just cards, Judith.
Let me get you a seat.
So we're praying at dinner now? Yeah, Mom thought it would be fun.
Hmm.
How'd it go today? He sold another Boland.
That's not what they're called, Mom.
Tell that to the Jacuzzi family.
Are we going to be famous? Ooh, when Daddy has his own spa named after him, yes.
We're a long way from that, dear.
There you go.
Mommy's in the baby chair.
What do you call a cow who's masturbating? Beef stroganoff.
Get it? It's a cow that's, you know - [laughter.]
- Kenneth Irving Boland.
Kenny, why don't you go do your homework? He needs to finish his dinner.
So the Jacuzzis were actually brothers.
Do you want to be finished, KB? - Yeah.
- Go play video games.
They've had plenty of screen time.
And throw in some YouTube.
There were seven of 'em, and they started out making airplane propellers.
[chuckles.]
Got to be in the clean-plate club to get dessert.
One of 'em died in a plane crash, and they decided to scrap it and and just focus on impellers and hydrodynamics instead.
You can have as much dessert as you want.
All I know is there are plenty of starving children in Africa that would love to have this food.
Ship it to 'em.
Come on, let's go crush some brownies.
- I'm in the clean-plate club! - Me too! - I want brownies! - [laughter.]
I get the first one! [clicks tongue.]
And that's how they got in the whirlpool game.
I appreciate you helping us out.
Did Dean ever tell you I worked? No.
After he was born, I was sitting on a bag of frozen peas, squirting water down there so I could tinkle without my parts catching fire.
Nobody tells you what it's like.
That you'll come out all stitched back together like Humpty Dumpty.
We'd never have kids.
And everyone's fawning over this perfect baby boy, while I'm just Nothing empty, flesh and hormones over ice.
[wine pouring.]
I had postpartum after Jane.
Back then, they called it "a nervous condition.
" [sighs.]
Judith.
So I became a shopgirl.
Got dressed up, dropped the baby with a neighbor, took the bus downtown, and you know what? I felt like a person again with a purpose.
Why'd you stop? I made a quarter of what John made, and my son was being raised by wolves.
Dean's boss called him management material.
Your happiness was important, too.
How much does the card shop pay? You shouldn't have quit.
And you should be home for dinner if you don't want the kids saying grace.
What a lie, huh? That we can have it all.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
It's no crazier than saying "Jacuzzi.
" Ooh, I slept funny.
I know something that could work that right out.
- All right.
- What's that? - Take a Boland.
- [both chuckle.]
Nice, steamy Boland.
Oh, a big, bubbling Boland.
Coming in off the ski slopes.
Rough day at work? Grab your favorite magazine.
Pop out back.
Step into a foamy Boland.
- Yeah! - [laughter.]
Where is this guy? I don't know.
I don't know if he's lost.
- Text him.
- I just did.
What if he went to the paper place? I gave him the address.
What if he's not coming? [line trilling.]
Yo.
Hi.
It's Beth.
I'm just calling for a quick ETA.
I'm not gonna make it.
Oh, uh do you need to reschedule? No, I'm good.
But you owe us some money.
Yeah, I did some math, and it works out way better for me if I take 100%.
What? - Hello? - [phone beeps.]
Did he say "math" or "meth"? - Call him back.
- And do what? Say "please"? [line trilling.]
You have reached the voice mailbox of 313 [sighs.]
Let's do what he would do.
He would make him eat a Glock.
Okay, let's do that.
Beth, you're not a scary gangbanger with throat tats.
You're a mom with a Chinese symbol on your hip you got on Spring Break.
Wait, I thought you got that lasered.
It is so expensive.
You are never gonna be him.
So let's just suck it up, print some more.
Are you serious? We have the plates.
We have the press.
That last run cost us a grand in ones.
We have to find another career criminal.
What happens when that guy decides to renegotiate? Then we make more.
And then that guy? We make more.
And then every criminal in the city knows that we're a bunch of suckers.
Well, can't have it all.
[dramatic music.]
I'm a pillar of the community.
I organize the neighborhood watch.
I'm on the PTA, Chamber of Commerce.
I post on Yelp, Angie's List, Nextdoor.
I am a den mother, for God's sake.
Ma'am, again, I apologize Yeah, well, that's not gonna put the 500 bucks back in my son's piggy bank.
Do you know how many lawns he had to mow for that? Now, is it possible that he misplaced it? Really? $500 goes missing on the exact day that this guy is loose in my house? I didn't take this bitch's money.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
A lot of strong emotions here.
I just want my money.
You might want to be careful about who you're coming at with all these accusations.
No, I-I am sure that we can work something out.
Or this bitch could take it up with his parole officer.
How many violations do you get before they send you back? We're gonna take another good look around.
I'd appreciate that.
What's this? Don't start.
[sighs.]
I hope it's not a coal black suit.
Yep, and I got the pocket square, too.
Why would you go back there? They're the only place that does layaway.
- How long did you wait? - [sighs.]
- Please let me make my sandwich - How long? You're exhausting.
Maybe you need to be more exhausting.
And what does that mean? You're so used to being disrespected, you don't even see it happening anymore.
Babe, you go HAM every time they seat us by a bathroom in a restaurant.
Why should we sit by the bathroom? - Somebody's got to.
- It's unappetizing.
- Babe, ask them to move.
- I shouldn't have to.
And I should be able to enjoy dinner with my family without feeling like the whole world is out to get us.
So you just want to pretend it's not happening? [knife scraping.]
I just want buying a suit to be buying a suit.
They're UV protected, maintenance-free.
We can match the color of any deck, any siding, no matter what, guaranteed.
Where have you been hiding this one, Gayle? - Just my secret weapon.
- Oh.
Looking forward to more, Dean.
- Yes, sir.
- Drinks on us next time.
Next time we are drinking to celebrate a big sale.
- [chuckles.]
- Bye, you guys, drive safe.
- All right? - Thanks so much.
What did I tell you? I am serious.
You're a natural.
Oh, I had a pretty good teacher.
Maybe it's about making the right connection.
[car door opens, man whistles.]
- [car door closes.]
- Oh, thanks, man.
Oh, wait, I had the, uh I had the gray Buick.
Those are mine.
[inhales deeply.]
This is gonna be fun, huh? For sure.
Hey, it's me.
I'm not trying to stalk you or anything.
I'm just a little worried.
Um I hope I'm crazy, and you and Marcus are having fun somewhere.
[Beak's "We Can Go".]
Um call me or text me or, um, whatever.
['50s rock music playing over speakers.]
How is that your breakfast? Savory sweet.
Disgusting.
It's like huevos rancheros.
Except no huevos.
And no rancheros.
I'm a grown-up.
I can eat whatever I want.
Comprende? So he just showed up with all of it? Minus his cut, yeah.
We should've kept his share.
Show him who's boss.
Easy to say when you're not in the dark backyard with him and his big old meat hands.
So let's go divvy up.
Yeah, I'm gonna buy Ben a pony.
You know, those really tiny ones? Does he want a pony? What kid doesn't want a pony? - Girl, you have bills.
- I mean with the extra.
Or instead of a pony we take this profit, and we get more ones.
And then what? We print more money.
And then what? We make more.
Yeah? And then what? - Whatever we want.
- Yeah.
[laughter.]
I mean, it's what he would do.
- Hmm? - He wouldn't do that.
- [laughs.]
- You're jealous.
Here, you two can join the syrup-on-your-face club.
- Don't get it anywhere near me.
- Come on.
I don't want it anywhere near me.
We're accepting new members.
- [laughter.]
- Yikes.
- [door opens.]
- Hey.
Hey.
How'd you do? - Well [sighs.]
- [door closes.]
Some dude gave me a 20 to park his E-Class out front.
- Gross.
- Yeah.
I horked in his water bottle and stole all his change.
So how's my Nance? She keeps saying my name to prove she's cool with it.
[imitating Nancy.]
Hi, Ben.
How was school today, Ben? Would you like a boba, Ben? Boba Ben, Ben, Ben, boba? She's so woke.
[scoffs.]
Yeah, ever since she got therapized.
That whole thing was so wrong.
You know who I think needs a therapist? Therapists.
Jenny's mom's a therapist.
And she went to rehab for Ritalin.
Why are they up your butt anyway? You don't need a therapist.
Thank you.
You tell me everything.
I solve your problems.
I-I mean, not everything.
[chuckles.]
Good thing I'm free, 'cause you'd go broke.
[indistinct chatter on TV.]
So how's this supposed to work, anyway? Just talk about what's bothering you.
Yeah, but what do people usually say? Well, most of my patients are younger, so lots of complaints about brushing teeth, going to bed early, wanting more screen time.
This is stupid.
I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Aren't you gonna try to stop me? I can't help you if you don't have any problems.
Got a problem with your attitude.
[laughs.]
What else? Well, this bean-bag chair kind of smells like pee.
There is a reason for that.
[chuckles.]
What else? [serious music.]
- Babe.
- Yeah? Was I like this when you met me? No, you hid it better.
You should've checked references.
Honestly, I'm angry, too, babe, but you just can't live in it all the time.
What if I found a way to stop? Oh, yeah, sure, there's, um, yoga, meditations, church has got a bunch of different fellowships.
What if it was something you wouldn't like? But we wouldn't have to sit next to the bathroom ever again? I thought we said never again.
You look real good in that suit.
Nice.
- Pass this down to Daddy.
- [door opens.]
Daddy gets the big piece.
- There we go.
- Nice.
- [door closes.]
- Here you go.
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
I was defrosting a casserole.
Oh, the kids wanted pizza.
Yeah, come, uh come sit down, have a slice.
- Come on, guys, help me out.
- Pass it, come on, let's go.
I put you here next to Kenny.
Is pepperoni okay? - Uh-huh.
- All right, team Boland, check in.
How's everyone's day? Thank you.
Oh, really? Nobody has anything to say at all? Ooh, I killed a frog in science.
Oh, that's gnarly.
I finally made sense of that pantry of yours.
I had a pretty good day.
Yeah? I got an opportunity to make some real money.
They want to promote me to manager.
No way.
Yay, Mommy.
- Is that better than worker? - Way better.
I get salary.
I get commission on every event.
That's awesome.
They're even talking profit sharing.
What about the hours? Well, that's the best part, because we'll be able to afford help now and you don't have to worry about us anymore.
That is incredible.
Congratulations.
And, you guys, how about we say thank you to Nana? - Thanks, Nana.
- Thank you, Nana.
We couldn't have done it without you.
[cell phone vibrating.]
Work.
Cheers.
Thank you.
Oh, my God, I was worried about you.
And Marcus is okay? No, no, no, no, no, I totally get it.
Well, listen, I've got your money, and it's, like, totally burning a hole in my pocket.
I know, but I'm not good at this stuff.
Hey, you want to get a drink or something? Dean's mom is here, and it's, like, this whole thing.
You're gonna die.
Can I get you anything? I'll wait for my friend.
[indistinct chatter.]
[electronic music.]
She ain't coming.
[high-pitched ringing.]
I think you might need that drink, huh? [ringing continues.]