Hannah Montana s03e02 Episode Script

You're doing good there, bud.
Driving like a real pro.
You might want to slow down here just a touch.
We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die! No problem, daddy.
You're the boss.
I know what I'm doing old man, stick a sock in it.
You're gonna' ace that driver's test.
Just focus on the road and stay calm.
I'm gonna' throw up! I will daddy, don't you worry.
That driver's license is practically already in my hands.
And then I'll never have to drive with your parental paranoid butt in.
? Seatbelt, check.
Side view mirror, check.
Guy in side view mirror .
.
check him out! Is it too much to ask people to clean up after their dogs? Is that part of the test, cause it wasn't in the menu.
I mean look at this.
I don't have to! You know maybe you could wipe that off outside of my brand new car too late! Let's get going.
We're overbooked and I'm all backed up.
Wish I could say the same for the dog! All hands on the wheel, please.
Head inside the car, please.
and close the window, I'm fighting a cold.
But the smell? Doesn't bother me, thanks for asking.
Oh look at that, it's gone yellow! OK, that's it, get out of my car! Take your snotty nose and your stinky toes with you! On the bright side, I used my blinker before I pulled over.
HANNAH MONTANA Look,it's not the end of the world, they let you take the test again in two weeks! I know, but it's so not fair! The only good thing is that you're the only one that I actually told I was doing the test.
Aha What did you do? Well Here comes Miley Stewart! She passed her drivers test! She's kickin' it behind the wheel not walkin' it like the rest! She can drive it home! Say what? Say What? I said she can drive it home! Say what? Say What? Word - and respect! The road.
I may have mentioned it to Oliver.
So, first kid in our class to hit the "highway"! Tell us all about it! Um WellIyou know Driving - I personally think is overrated and it hurts our planet and not driving that takes some courage! I don't think I'm gonna' drive today or tomorrow! That's how strongly I feel! Wow! You know that is just about the stupidest thing I've ever heard! right? OK! OK! Listen up cause I'm only gonna say this once.
- The truth about it is - Hey! Anybody seen Amber? Oh wait there she is driving her brand new car, with her brand new license! Oh my gosh look! It's canary yellow with matching leather seats! Which is so tacky, really, really, tacky Yes, yes, I know what you're all thinking: isn't she fabulous! - Raise your hand if you wish you were me! - I do! I do! That's it? Only one hand? You know what? You're all just jealous because I got my license before you guys.
Yep, first in the class.
Oh no you're not.
- Oh boy - Yeah,Go ahead, Miley! Why don't you tell her? Ha ha! Funny story! Help me! Um, I'm waiting! - She's not to answer to you! - Yeah, I don't! You wanna' know why? Bring it on, baby! - Because this is America, that's why! - Yeah! And in this country people have rights! And another something called freedom of speech! Or not to speech! Yeah, she failed, didn't she! Back to you, baby.
No, I did not "fail".
Oh!well Then I guess that means you'll be "driving" to the big North Beach Party tonight.
Of courseThat's tonight? Is there a problem? No! Yes! Oh boy! I wonder if she liked my rap? Daddy, I have got to drive to that party tonight! You have to convince them to let me retake the test.
You know, use that well hello darlin', oh chuckz - southern thing of yours.
You know! Like you do when you want the lady at the grocery store to use your expired coupons.
Now Mile, do you really think if I could convince the DMV of anything I'd still have this for a driver's license photo? Ay! Yeah, I was in the middle of a sneeze when they took the picture and now every time I show my ID I gotta' go Well at leastcan drive! Honey I know you're disappointed but you can retake the test in a couple of weeks.
And until then, your brother can drive you around.
No, no, no, no, no, no!!! Why, why, why, why, why?? You, you, you, you! Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! See - I told you he would want to do it.
Daddy! Please! Come on baby, rules are rules.
You're just gonna' have to wait.
You're right.
There is nothing else I can do - but you know wait, and wait, and wait until you can't hear me anymore.
Hey Lily - meet me at the bus stop.
This girl is getting a license.
Hey Dad, dad look at this.
I just found a picture of me when I was six months old.
Sweet, cuddly and so, so happy! And then you ruined it by having that little devil child! You gotta' learn to laugh at life's little difficulties.
Oh, and speaking of little difficulties, we have a houseguest.
Hello, roomies.
No, no, no, no, no! Why, why, why, why? You, you, you, you! Hey, his parents were out of town for the weekend, so I said he could stay with us.
Look son, his folks are nice people, and besides, helping out a neighbor is what life is about.
- OK old man, what did they give you? - Laker tickets, court side.
Ha, feels so good on the open soars.
Maybe I should head out for VIP parking.
You really think they're going to let you retake the test on the same day? They have to! If I don't drive myself to that beach party tonight my life will be miserable.
What are you talking about, you'reHannah Montana.
- Nah, that doesn't count.
- OK, I'm just going to tell the lady what happened.
Look at that sweet face! She will definitely make an exception.
No! Rules are rules, buckoo! But I'm the governor of California! And I'm the queen of this window! Your appointment was scheduled for 12:20.
It is 12:22.
Your appointment has been terminated! That's right, I went there! I'll be back Not for the next two weeks, you won't! Next! I'm so dead! Yeah -- honey please, the Hannah concert is sold out! If mummy could get you better seats you know that she would! And Hannah is very much alive! Mh-hum? Next! Hello! Oh my gosh, it's Hannah Montana! Sshh! Today I am not an international pop sensation.
I am just another citizen here to take my drivers test.
How refreshing is that? Standing in line waiting her turn, she's just a regular - Why are you talking? - I don't know Oh no I must have left my papers at home and grabbed these complimentary backstage passes by mistake.
Whatever will I do now? Oh, you don't worry your talented little head about that.
- I'll be just a minute.
- Sure.
- No, no, no! - OK Wait a minute, let's say you do get the license.
How are you gonna drive to that party without your dad noticing your car's missing? Simple.
Every Friday night Daddy goes to the gym, runs on the treadmill for ten minutes and then spends the rest of the night rewarding himself at Busko's House of Chicken Pies.
He should be leaving right about now.
Please!Please! Don't leave me alone with that! I've got a big swim meet this weekend.
You wouldn't believe the difference it makes in the butterfly.
Sorry son, but every man for himself.
No!! Sometimes I lie to the government, just to get my license to drive a car! And now I'm on my way to the party to see Amber and rub her face in not good! License please.
Ar yes sir, is there a problem Officer Diarrhea? It's Diaria.
Of course it is! My bad.
Your turn signal's been on for the last mile and a half.
Oh, is my face red! You are very good at your job.
They should make you captain I'll write a letter.
Thanks so much for your help, it's been great working with you, buh-bye.
Ah, not so fast, miss.
First, explain to me why your license says "Hannah Montana" Oh, that's just because sweet niblets! No! Please! I just changed my name to Hannah Montana because I'm a really big fan.
You know, it would happen to you too, if you were famous.
I mean,Los Angeles would be flooded with Diarrheas.
It's Diaria.
I knew that! and I am really sorry! You just got to believe me, that I Or not! Maybe some time in here, will help you remember the truth.
But I can't stay in here! I I I gotta potty.
It's right there.
Not in this lifetime.
Please, just call my Daddy's cell phone, he'll clear it all up for me, yes, I'll be grounded for like three years, but at least I'll have a bathroom with a door and a cushy toilet seat that says come on over and sit a spell What's the number? look,uh I'm sorry.
I didn't know when I invited you over that I was gonna get stuck babysitting.
I think that's last week's lamb chop! I'm sorryyou're just not worth it.
Wait no! I made clam dip! Heyo! Hello, this is Officer Diaria, down at Malibu PD.
I have a girl here, who says she's your daughter and claims to be "Hannah Montana".
What? Is Hannah Montana your daughter? Yes, of course.
She lives here with me and my wife Shakira! Now crank somebody else, you're killing Rico's beauty buzz.
OK, you have jerked me around for two years and I am sick of it! Whatever friendship we had is "over".
' What'd he say? He said that I was killing Rico's "beauty buzz".
Rico! You are in a lot of trouble here, miss.
Until I can figure out exactly who you are you'll have to kiss your cushy toilet seat good bye.
You've gotta believe me! Come back! OK The truth is my real name is Miley Stewart.
I'm just a regular girl who's secretly a pop star but hide it so she can live a normal life.
It's the Best of Both Worlds, get it? Cool, huh? Where do you kids come up with these ridiculous ideas? I blame television.
But please! You've gotta believe me, I am Hannah Montana! Ask me anything about her.
Alright, if you're going to stick to this idiotic story.
There's only one thing left for me to do.
She's in here.
You know what you have to do.
I'm going to enjoy this.
Oh yeah! Who is this? My daughter.
The ultimate Hannah fan.
If you can convince her you're Hannah Montana I'll let you go.
Cool, this'll be easy.
What do you wanna know sweetie? Don't "sweetie" me, punk! December 19th, 2007, Hannah performed where? 2007 Hartford civic center.
- What did she open with? - Rock Star.
- Close with? - Best of Both Worlds.
ovation baby oh yeah Don't go anywhere, this ain't gonna' take long.
Oh no, I'm just getting started, Hannah Not-tana.
In between Pump up the Party and I Got Nerve, Hannah said "I love you " and then winked at the audience.
Which eye did she use? Which eye? Are you kidding me! Do I look like I'm kidding? Sweet kid you got there.
Who's her mother? Godzilla? Mummy, please, you have to come home early.
Jackson doesn't want me here anymore.
Jackson No,No but mummy, it's my fault.
Why am I such a jerk to the people I care most about? Bravo! Jackson, what are you doing? Yeah right! Like that's really your "mummy" on the phone.
- She can hear you.
- Oh yeah? Well wait till she hears this.
Well hey there peretty mumma! You wanna' come over for a game of hide and seek? I'll let you find me, my sweet little cherio.
Oh! Oh no! No, no, I didn't I didn't know! But no I had no idea Shame on you! Just just tell her that I'm sorry.
And you can stay here as long as you want, OK? In fact - I'll take the couch.
I'll even clean my room for you.
OK? Nice work, mummy.
Together we're unbeatable.
Wahaha! Wahaha! November 4th, 2006, Hannah jumps on a paparazzi's back outside of a trendy club.
What was the headline in the Los Angeles Herald? Um I know this Hannah's wild Ride! Bam! March 17th, 2005, Sunset Boulevard.
Billboard goes up of Hannah with a zit on her face.
- Was it on her cheek or her chin? - My cheek.
No my chin.
It had to be my cheek, I always it was my cheek, bam! bam! It was her forehead! Bam, Bam, Turkey and Ham! We're done here.
Listen, don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.
Oh yeah! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun Its really you but no one ever discovers - Oh, dear! it really is you! - Alright, alright, I've had enough of that, get off me.
You cannot tell anyone about this, OK? Otherwise I can't be Hannah anymore.
We can't let that happen.
No we can't.
Now go tell your daddy to let me out of here so I can get home before my dad finds out.
Daddy's little convict say what? Kids! We do the dumbest things! But you gotta' love us.
You gotta' love me, right? You know what, you wanted something so bad that you bent the rules to get it.
And any time you do that it's gotta' bite you on the butt.
And you are right.
You are absolutely right.
Two hours and twenty three minutes in the slammer can really change a person.
I've learnt my lesson.
So any other you know punishment would be completely pointless.
I wouldn't necessarily go that far with it.
Daddy, please can we not go down this road, this is where the party is.
And the last thing I want is to be seen being driven by my dad.
Oh no.
Oh yeah.
Come on daddy.
You may as well pull out a bullhorn and announce my arrival.
You know me too well darling.
Oh come on! Hey everybody! It's Miley Stewart's daddy dropping her off at the party.
Because she didn't get a license! Ha, ha, ha! How's that for punishment? This is so not fair.
Who takes a picture on two? Everyone knows you do it on three, one, two three! - It's really not that bad.
- Are you kidding? It looks like a horse stepped on her face! Oliver, that's ridiculous! It's more like she ran into a plain glass door! Ha, ha!