Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e02 Episode Script
The Great Escape
Narrator: COMING UP, WHAT'S GOT SAL ALL WOUND UP? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! GOT SAL ALL WOUND UP? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! WHY IS JOE OVERSHARING? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! WHY IS JOE OVERSHARING? I HAVE A WIFE AND WHY IS JOE OVERSHARING? I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
METAPHORICAL WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER [ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? [ GRUNTING .]
PUNISHMENT? [ GRUNTING .]
AAH! [ GRUNTING .]
AAH! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AAH! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
WE ARE AT SAM ASH GIVING MUSIC LESSONS TO STUDENTS.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE MUSIC LESSONS TO STUDENTS.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE'LL BE FORCED WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE'LL BE FORCED TO PLAY DURING THE LESSON.
THE GOAL IS TO GET YOUR STUDENT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER LESSON.
STUDENT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER LESSON.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN LESSON.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN UP, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN UP, YOU LOSE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN UP, YOU LOSE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
HI.
A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU? HI.
HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR LESSON.
YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR LESSON.
ELECTRIGUITAR.
LESSON.
ELECTRIGUITAR.
HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY ELECTRIGUITAR.
HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY CHORDS? HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY CHORDS? YOU DO THAT? CHORDS? YOU DO THAT? OKAY, SO YOU DO THAT? OKAY, SO JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, OKAY, SO JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE IT'S A PIANO.
JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE IT'S A PIANO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A PIANO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO [ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO BEFORE.
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO BEFORE.
[ LAUGHS .]
BEFORE.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU [ LAUGHS .]
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND [ GUITAR STRUMS .]
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND IVORIES.
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND IVORIES.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? IVORIES.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT? I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO WHAT? I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO ON THE GUITAR.
I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO ON THE GUITAR.
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
ON THE GUITAR.
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME SOME HONEST FEEDBACK ON IT.
QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME SOME HONEST FEEDBACK ON IT.
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS .]
DEATH, DESTRUCTION DIARRHEA DEATH, DESTRUCTION DIARRHEA NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA DIARRHEA NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA POO-POO NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA POO-POO POO-POO POO-POO POO-POO MURDER POO-POO MURDER DEATH AND CONSTIPATION MURDER DEATH AND CONSTIPATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS DEATH AND CONSTIPATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR LESSON.
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR LESSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LESSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A "WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? IT'S OKAY.
FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING OUT.
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING OUT.
IT'S CALLED "THUMBS DOWN.
" OUT.
IT'S CALLED "THUMBS DOWN.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY.
HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? DRUMS! HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? DRUMS! I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT DRUMS! I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
NOW.
I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU TO PLAY.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU TO PLAY.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO TO PLAY.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO PLAY YOU A SONG.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO PLAY YOU A SONG.
I'M A SENSITIVE GUY I'M A SENSITIVE GUY WITH TOO MUCH PRIDE I'M A SENSITIVE GUY WITH TOO MUCH PRIDE I'M A SENSITIVE GUY [ LAUGHTER .]
I'M A SENSITIVE GUY [ LAUGHTER .]
WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY [ LAUGHTER .]
WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU I'LL CRY ON THE MOON I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU I'LL CRY ON THE MOON COWS SAY MOO I'LL CRY ON THE MOON COWS SAY MOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES COWS SAY MOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES AH-CHOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES AH-CHOO GOD BLESS YOU AH-CHOO GOD BLESS YOU LET'S CRY GOD BLESS YOU LET'S CRY I'M DELICATE.
LET'S CRY I'M DELICATE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M DELICATE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO [ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE "SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, AND BEAT THE DRUM.
ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, AND BEAT THE DRUM.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY.
AND BEAT THE DRUM.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS GUY'S DOING GREAT ON DRUMS.
SURE IS.
DRUMS.
SURE IS.
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
SURE IS.
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF GOOD.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF WITH THIS GUY.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF WITH THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
WITH THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND [ LAUGHS .]
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
STARE AT HIM.
LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
STARE AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A STANDOFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A STANDOFF.
WIND IT UP, WIND IT UP! IT'S A STANDOFF.
WIND IT UP, WIND IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL WINS! SAL WINS! SAL WINS! SAL WINS! WOW.
SAL WINS! WOW.
WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE WOW.
WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE INTERESTED TO SIGN UP FOR WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE INTERESTED TO SIGN UP FOR FURTHER LESSONS? HE GOT HIM! BAND.
[ DING! .]
BAND.
[ DING! .]
THIS GUY'S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS [ DING! .]
THIS GUY'S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS UKULELE.
OH, MY GOD.
THE UKULELE.
THE OLD UKE.
THE UKULELE.
THE OLD UKE.
"WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT "WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
" WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
" WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
"I'M LONELY.
" THE UKULELE.
"I'M LONELY.
" I'M LONELY.
"I'M LONELY.
" I'M LONELY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M LONELY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR [ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR RHYTHM?" "SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR RHYTHM?" LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM RHYTHM?" LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM FIRST.
LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM FIRST.
PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
FIRST.
PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES DOWN.
"NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE DOWN.
"NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" "NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM WITH ME.
AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM WITH ME.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
RHYTHM WITH ME.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
1, 2, 1, 2.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
[ LAUGHTER .]
1, 2, 1, 2.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL?! 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! WHAT THE HELL?! 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, BUDDY.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, BUDDY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
BUDDY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
OKAY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
OKAY.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
OKAY.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND YOU MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND YOU JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A YOU JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A SUIT JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A SUIT FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, SUIT FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, AND POPCORN FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, AND POPCORN I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF AND POPCORN I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF GENITALIA.
I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF GENITALIA.
HELP ME.
GENITALIA.
HELP ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HELP ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"HELP ME.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"HELP ME.
" I WROTE THAT SONG.
"HELP ME.
" I WROTE THAT SONG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WROTE THAT SONG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? [ ALL GROAN .]
UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? [ ALL GROAN .]
[ DING! .]
HERE SHE COMES.
[ Laughing .]
OH, NO! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, NO! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! OH [BLEEP.]
THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP BASS.
LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP BASS.
I SURE HAD A BASS.
I SURE HAD A HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO I SURE HAD A HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! [ LAUGHTER .]
TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ CHUCKLES .]
HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE STAND-UP BASS BEFORE? UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
STAND-UP BASS BEFORE? UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED VIOLIN [ LAUGHTER .]
"HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED VIOLIN BEFORE?" HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE VIOLIN BEFORE? A VIOLIN IS LIKE A SMALL A VIOLIN IS LIKE A SMALL STAND-UP BASS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
STAND-UP BASS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE [ LAUGHTER .]
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" "I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" HO.
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" "THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" HO.
HO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU WALKED IN.
AND THEN YOU WALKED IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, GOD.
OH, GOD.
AND HERE WE ARE.
AND HERE WE ARE.
"I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE "I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE STRINGS" STRINGS" I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE STRINGS STRINGS "BUT YOU'RE PULLING THE "BUT YOU'RE PULLING THE STRINGS OF MY HEART.
" STRINGS OF MY HEART.
" [ GROANS .]
[ GROANS .]
BUT YOUARE PULLING THE BUT YOUARE PULLING THE STRINGS OF MY HEART.
STRINGS OF MY HEART.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHY DON'T WE SHOW HER YOUR WHY DON'T WE SHOW HER YOUR DEMO? DEMO? I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEMO.
I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEMO.
ME PLAYING THE STAND-UP BASS -- ME PLAYING THE STAND-UP BASS -- SO YOU CAN HEAR IT.
SO YOU CAN HEAR IT.
[ GUITAR STRUMMING .]
[ GUITAR STRUMMING .]
DOO-BE DOO BOP, DEE BA AO-O-GA DOO-BE DOO BOP, DEE BA AO-O-GA BOO-BA-DE DA AO-O-GA BOO-BA-DE DA SCOOBY-DOO-GOP BOO-BA-DE DA SCOOBY-DOO-GOP DOO SCOOBY-DOO-GOP DOO DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA DOO DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BA-DA DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BA-DA DA DOO-BA-DA GEH DOO-BA-DA DA DOO-BA-DA GEH DI DI DOO-BA-DA GEH DI DI [ SONG ENDS .]
DI DI [ SONG ENDS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SONG ENDS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YEAH, S-- STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YEAH, S-- [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, S-- [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER CLASS? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER CLASS? DON'T DO IT.
CLASS? DON'T DO IT.
ALL RIGHT! DON'T DO IT.
ALL RIGHT! HOW?! ALL RIGHT! HOW?! WE MADE IT TOO FUN! HOW?! WE MADE IT TOO FUN! ALL RIGHT.
WE MADE IT TOO FUN! ALL RIGHT.
[ DING! .]
ALL RIGHT.
[ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT [ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE LOSER BOARD.
THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE LOSER BOARD.
HEY, HEY! LOSER BOARD.
HEY, HEY! FOCUS UP, AMERICA! HEY, HEY! FOCUS UP, AMERICA! TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE FOCUS UP, AMERICA! TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP AND THE OTHER WILL BE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP AND THE OTHER WILL BE PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME AND THE OTHER WILL BE PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME GROUP.
PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME GROUP.
NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST GROUP.
NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST READ ALL THE ANSWERS ON HIS NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST READ ALL THE ANSWERS ON HIS SURVEY.
THE THING IS, HIS COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING ANSWERS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
EMBARRASSING ANSWERS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU LOSE.
ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU LOSE.
Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
LOSE.
Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE SHOWDOWN.
JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE SHOWDOWN.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY SHOWDOWN.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
[ DOOR OPENS .]
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
[ DOOR OPENS .]
HI, EVERYONE.
[ DOOR OPENS .]
HI, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
HI, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE LOOK AT THIS GUY.
JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE ANSWERS.
HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE ANSWERS.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL ANSWERS.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS PRIMARILY FROM? WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS PRIMARILY FROM? MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
PRIMARILY FROM? MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM? OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM? HERE WE GO.
GET YOUR NEWS FROM? HERE WE GO.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE HERE WE GO.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE THIS MORNING.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE THIS MORNING.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
THIS MORNING.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE ANSWER? THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE ANSWER? YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I ANSWER? YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? MICHELLE? HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? MICHELLE? TRAIN.
MICHELLE? TRAIN.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? TRAIN.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? MM-HMM.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? MM-HMM.
AND ALEXIS.
MM-HMM.
AND ALEXIS.
SUBWAY.
AND ALEXIS.
SUBWAY.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME SUBWAY.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME QUESTION.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME QUESTION.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT QUESTION.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, MORE.
THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER RUBBER DUCKY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER RUBBER DUCKY [ LAUGHTER .]
RUBBER DUCKY [ LAUGHTER .]
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY [ LAUGHTER .]
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY SMOOTHY.
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY SMOOTHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SMOOTHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED [ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM.
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM.
DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE TO HIM.
DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY PURCHASES? YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY PURCHASES? HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? PURCHASES? HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD SAY IT DOES.
YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD SAY IT DOES.
IT DOES, FOR SURE.
SAY IT DOES.
IT DOES, FOR SURE.
AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? IT DOES, FOR SURE.
AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? I WROTE, UH AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? I WROTE, UH I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE I WROTE, UH I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY WIENER.
WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF MY WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE [ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE HERE, MAN.
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE HERE, MAN.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
HERE, MAN.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
I'M SORRY.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
I'M SORRY.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? I'M SORRY.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE SPEND YOUR MONEY? HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE SPEND YOUR MONEY? OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPEND YOUR MONEY? OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF WIENER.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF THAT ONE.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF THAT ONE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THAT ONE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THERE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG OKAY.
YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU ON THE ROPES.
GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU ON THE ROPES.
FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A YOU ON THE ROPES.
FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? MM.
YEAH.
YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? MM.
YEAH.
I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS, MOSTLY.
I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS, MOSTLY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY! [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY! NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS LOOK AT THIS GUY! NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
JOEY! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
JOEY! LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN JOEY! LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
[ BUZZER .]
THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
[ BUZZER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
HERE WE GO.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
ALL RIGHT, SAL.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
SO, Q HAS WRITTEN ALL OF SAL'S ANSWERS.
SO, Q HAS WRITTEN ALL OF SAL'S ANSWERS.
YES.
SAL'S ANSWERS.
YES.
SAL WILL BE READING WHAT Q YES.
SAL WILL BE READING WHAT Q MAKES HIM SAY.
OKAY.
WE HAVE STEVEN, RIGHT? COURTNEY, UH, AL HE CALLED HIM AL! COURTNEY, UH, AL HE CALLED HIM AL! SAL.
SAL.
HE CALLED HIM AL! SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
SAL.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
NO PROBLEM.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
NO PROBLEM.
AND HERE WE GO.
NO PROBLEM.
AND HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
AND HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? NO.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? NO.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
NO.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
UH, OKAY, AL.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
UH, OKAY, AL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? UH, OKAY, AL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? SAL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? SAL.
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
SAL.
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHERE DID YOU GET THE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHERE DID YOU GET THE NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? WHERE DID YOU GET THE NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
YEAH.
FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
YEAH.
IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
YEAH.
IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
"IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
"IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! STUCK, HUH? "IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! STUCK, HUH? IT BETTER NOT STICK.
STUCK, HUH? IT BETTER NOT STICK.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT BETTER NOT STICK.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT [ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT AWAY, Q.
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT AWAY, Q.
UH, OKAY.
AWAY, Q.
UH, OKAY.
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
UH, OKAY.
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? COURTNEY? SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? COURTNEY? APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
COURTNEY? APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
PERFECT.
APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
PERFECT.
THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
PERFECT.
THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? AL? GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? AL? AL'S.
AL? AL'S.
OKAY, UH AL'S.
OKAY, UH AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
OKAY, UH AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND? AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND? THE TIME THAT I WHAT COMES TO MIND? THE TIME THAT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE THE TIME THAT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE TO MY SISTER ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE TO MY SISTER OH, MY GOD.
TO MY SISTER OH, MY GOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND THEN SHE SENT ONE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND THEN SHE SENT ONE BACK, SO AND THEN SHE SENT ONE BACK, SO [ BOTH LAUGH .]
BACK, SO [ BOTH LAUGH .]
GREAT ANSWER! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
GREAT ANSWER! "AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! GREAT ANSWER! "AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! WAIT A SECOND.
"AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! WAIT A SECOND.
SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED WAIT A SECOND.
SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED PICTURE OF HERSELF? SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED PICTURE OF HERSELF? HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! PICTURE OF HERSELF? HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! [ LAUGHING .]
HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! [ LAUGHING .]
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
[ LAUGHING .]
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
NO? WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
NO? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
NO? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
OOF.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OOF.
NEXT QUESTION.
OOF.
NEXT QUESTION.
STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH NEXT QUESTION.
STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH IT? STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH IT? WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? IT? WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL COMMUNITY CENTER.
I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL COMMUNITY CENTER.
OKAY.
COMMUNITY CENTER.
OKAY.
AL? AL? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S SAL.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S SAL.
I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND IT'S SAL.
I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" NO, IT'S -- YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" NO, IT'S -- IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN NO, IT'S -- IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN BORN.
IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN BORN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
BORN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
PAINT.
UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
PAINT.
MM-HMM.
PAINT.
MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? [ LAUGHING .]
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? [ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
[ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS I USE ACRYLIC PAINT WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS I USE ACRYLIC PAINT AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
I USE ACRYLIC PAINT AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
OKAY, I'M JUST NOT IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
OKAY, I'M JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- OKAY, I'M JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- IT'S ART.
UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- IT'S ART.
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
IT'S ART.
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Q IS GLOATING! [ LAUGHTER .]
Q IS GLOATING! Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS Q IS GLOATING! Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.
Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.
WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? SLEEVE.
WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, UHMAKE ART.
I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, UHMAKE ART.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- UHMAKE ART.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- WHAT IT MEANS.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- WHAT IT MEANS.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
WHAT IT MEANS.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I TAINT PAINT.
MAYBE I TAINT PAINT.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
TAINT PAINT.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP [ BOTH LAUGH .]
ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST ONE.
AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST ONE.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.
ON A LAZY AFTERNOON, WHAT'S YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WELL, IT DEPENDS.
WELL, IT DEPENDS.
[ Laughing .]
HE'S BLOWING IF THERE'S A GIRL [ Laughing .]
HE'S BLOWING IF THERE'S A GIRL [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL [ BOTH LAUGH .]
HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT [ BOTH LAUGH .]
HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT HIM! HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT HIM! [ LAUGHING .]
HIM! [ LAUGHING .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME [ LAUGHING .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME RIGHT.
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME RIGHT.
OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! RIGHT.
OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! A MEXICAN STANDOFF! I LIKE TO BE, UH A MEXICAN STANDOFF! I LIKE TO BE, UH LAZY ALL OVER HER.
I LIKE TO BE, UH LAZY ALL OVER HER.
[ LAUGHING .]
LAZY ALL OVER HER.
[ LAUGHING .]
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T [ LAUGHING .]
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T GET IT.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T GET IT.
[ LAUGHING .]
GET IT.
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
OH! HE DOES IT! [ DING! .]
OH! HE DOES IT! WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
OH! HE DOES IT! WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
[ BUZZER .]
WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
[ BUZZER .]
OH, TOO BAD, Q.
[ BUZZER .]
OH, TOO BAD, Q.
Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF OH, TOO BAD, Q.
Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
JOE! LOSER.
JOE! AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? JOE! AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? SUPER-MAGICAL.
AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? SUPER-MAGICAL.
TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL SUPER-MAGICAL.
TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A ILLUSION.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED SHOWS.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED SHOWS.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST SHOWS.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST OF OUR TIME.
UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST OF OUR TIME.
OH, YEAH! OF OUR TIME.
OH, YEAH! JOE GATTO! OH, YEAH! JOE GATTO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
JOE GATTO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO [ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I'LL BE ESCAPING THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I'LL BE ESCAPING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I'LL BE ESCAPING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE AMAZED.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE AMAZED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AMAZED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE ESCAPING.
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE ESCAPING.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ESCAPING.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ME.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ME.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? ME.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF A STRAIGHTJACKET.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF A STRAIGHTJACKET.
STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR A STRAIGHTJACKET.
STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
TO THAT, I SAY WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
TO THAT, I SAY WAIT AND SEE.
TO THAT, I SAY WAIT AND SEE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WAIT AND SEE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
WAIT A MINUTE.
STRAIGHTJACKET.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
THANK YOU, LADIES.
AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
THANK YOU, LADIES.
SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, THANK YOU, LADIES.
SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY LEGS.
STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY LEGS.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE LEGS.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
YOUR VERY EYES.
WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
WHAT? WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
WHAT? WHAT THE? WHAT? WHAT THE? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE? [ LAUGHTER .]
NOT BEFORE I'M [ LAUGHTER .]
NOT BEFORE I'M LOWERED INTO NOT BEFORE I'M LOWERED INTO OH! LOWERED INTO OH! THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHING .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHING .]
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF [ LAUGHING .]
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
HEY, JOE! WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
HEY, JOE! [BLEEP.]
YOU! HEY, JOE! [BLEEP.]
YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ MOTOR WHIRRING .]
I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS HOW MANY ESCAPE ARTISTS HAVE DIED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS CHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! CHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! OH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? GREAT? HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? GREAT? OH, THAT'S COLD.
GREAT? OH, THAT'S COLD.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS OH, THAT'S COLD.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS MIND RIGHT NOW.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS MIND RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
ANY MOMENT NOW.
OH, MY GOD.
ANY MOMENT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, OH, WAIT! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, OH, WAIT! WHAT? OH, OH, WAIT! WHAT? NOPE.
WHAT? NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN [ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH I EXPECTED.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
[ GRUNTING .]
THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
[ GRUNTING .]
THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
[ GRUNTING .]
THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
I MEAN, IS THERE A THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
I MEAN, IS THERE A [ LAUGHTER .]
[ GRUNTS .]
WELL, AT THIS POINT, THIS IS USELESS.
WELL, AT THIS POINT, THIS IS USELESS.
I'M SORRY.
USELESS.
I'M SORRY.
HE'S APOLOGIZING! I'M SORRY.
HE'S APOLOGIZING! JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING HE'S APOLOGIZING! JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
NO.
WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
NO.
THAT WASN'T THE PUNISHMENT! NO.
THAT WASN'T THE PUNISHMENT! THIS PART IS THE PUNISHMENT! [ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S JUST SILENCE.
HE'S JUST STARING AT THEM LIKE HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
HE'S JUST STARING AT THEM LIKE HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
[ SIGHS .]
HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN ME, FOLKS.
I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN ME, FOLKS.
NO, I CAN'T.
ME, FOLKS.
NO, I CAN'T.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, I CAN'T.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? OH, MY GOD.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? JUST DID.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? JUST DID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE STAGE LIGHTS ARE OFF! GUYS, LET'S PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
GUYS, LET'S PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
[ LAUGHS .]
LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
METAPHORICAL WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER [ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S Narrator: AND WHICH JOKER CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? CAN'T ESCAPE TONIGHT'S PUNISHMENT? [ GRUNTING .]
PUNISHMENT? [ GRUNTING .]
AAH! [ GRUNTING .]
AAH! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AAH! PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
WE ARE AT SAM ASH GIVING MUSIC LESSONS TO STUDENTS.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE MUSIC LESSONS TO STUDENTS.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE HAVE NO MUSICAL ABILITY, WE WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
WON'T KNOW WHAT INSTRUMENT WE'RE TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, TEACHING UNTIL THEY WALK IN.
AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE, WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE'LL BE FORCED WE'VE RECORDED A SECRET SONG FOR EACH OTHER THAT WE'LL BE FORCED TO PLAY DURING THE LESSON.
THE GOAL IS TO GET YOUR STUDENT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER LESSON.
STUDENT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER LESSON.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN LESSON.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN UP, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO SIGN UP, YOU LOSE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN UP, YOU LOSE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
Narrator: IT'S THE JOKERS IN A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
HI.
A DOUBLE DOWN CHALLENGE.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU? HI.
HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR LESSON.
YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR GUITAR LESSON.
ELECTRIGUITAR.
LESSON.
ELECTRIGUITAR.
HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY ELECTRIGUITAR.
HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY CHORDS? HAVE YOU DONE, LIKE, ANY CHORDS? YOU DO THAT? CHORDS? YOU DO THAT? OKAY, SO YOU DO THAT? OKAY, SO JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, OKAY, SO JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE JOE, FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE IT'S A PIANO.
JUST REFER TO THE GUITAR LIKE IT'S A PIANO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A PIANO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO [ LAUGHTER .]
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO BEFORE.
SO YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED PIANO BEFORE.
[ LAUGHS .]
BEFORE.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU [ LAUGHS .]
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
DON'T TOUCH ANY OF THE BLACK KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
KEYS IN THE MIDDLE.
[ GUITAR STRUMS .]
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND [ GUITAR STRUMS .]
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND IVORIES.
THE PIANO -- THOSE EBONIES AND IVORIES.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? IVORIES.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE? YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
YEAH, BUT THIS IS A GUITAR.
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, YOU'RE HERE FOR GUITAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT? I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO WHAT? I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO ON THE GUITAR.
I'VE BEEN TEACHING YOU PIANO ON THE GUITAR.
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
ON THE GUITAR.
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
HEY, BUDDY, HIT PLAY ON THE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE BOOM BOX OVER THERE.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
IN THIS BOOM BOX HERE, I HAVE A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL A COPY OF MY HIT SONG.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR IT REAL QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME SOME HONEST FEEDBACK ON IT.
QUICK, AND YOU CAN JUST GIVE ME SOME HONEST FEEDBACK ON IT.
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS .]
DEATH, DESTRUCTION DIARRHEA DEATH, DESTRUCTION DIARRHEA NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA DIARRHEA NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA POO-POO NORTH AND SOUTH KOREA POO-POO POO-POO POO-POO POO-POO MURDER POO-POO MURDER DEATH AND CONSTIPATION MURDER DEATH AND CONSTIPATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS DEATH AND CONSTIPATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION ALL THE WESTERN NATIONS BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
BATHROOM TIME FRUSTRATION [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SINGING INDISTINCTLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR LESSON.
SO, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR LESSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LESSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A "WHAT THE [BLEEP.]
" DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? DID YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR A FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? IT'S OKAY.
FOLLOW-UP CLASS, OR? IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S OKAY? YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING OUT.
WELL, MY NEW SINGLE'S COMING OUT.
IT'S CALLED "THUMBS DOWN.
" OUT.
IT'S CALLED "THUMBS DOWN.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY.
HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? HEY, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S YOUR NAME? HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? DRUMS! HEY, JOE, WHAT'S GOING ON? DRUMS! I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT DRUMS! I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
I'M ACTUALLY IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
NOW.
I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU I'M IN A BAND RIGHT NOW.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU TO PLAY.
BUDDY, WE GOT A SONG FOR YOU TO PLAY.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO TO PLAY.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO PLAY YOU A SONG.
BEFORE WE START, I GOT TO PLAY YOU A SONG.
I'M A SENSITIVE GUY I'M A SENSITIVE GUY WITH TOO MUCH PRIDE I'M A SENSITIVE GUY WITH TOO MUCH PRIDE I'M A SENSITIVE GUY [ LAUGHTER .]
I'M A SENSITIVE GUY [ LAUGHTER .]
WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY [ LAUGHTER .]
WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY WHO LOVES A GOOD CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GUY DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T CRY I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU I'LL CRY ON THE MOON I'LL CRY IN FRONT OF YOU I'LL CRY ON THE MOON COWS SAY MOO I'LL CRY ON THE MOON COWS SAY MOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES COWS SAY MOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES AH-CHOO I CRY WITH MY SHOES AH-CHOO GOD BLESS YOU AH-CHOO GOD BLESS YOU LET'S CRY GOD BLESS YOU LET'S CRY I'M DELICATE.
LET'S CRY I'M DELICATE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M DELICATE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO [ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE "SO, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, PLAY," AND JUST USE YOUR WHOLE ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, AND BEAT THE DRUM.
ARMS AND GO UP AND DOWN, SAL, AND BEAT THE DRUM.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY.
AND BEAT THE DRUM.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS GUY'S DOING GREAT ON DRUMS.
SURE IS.
DRUMS.
SURE IS.
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
SURE IS.
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
SALLY, JUST SLAM THAT CYMBAL.
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CYMBAL CRASHES LOUDLY .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF GOOD.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF WITH THIS GUY.
SAL, HAVE A CYMBAL FACE-OFF WITH THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
WITH THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHS .]
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND [ LAUGHS .]
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
JUST KEEP SMACKING IT AND LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
STARE AT HIM.
LOOKING HIM RIGHT IN THE EYE.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
STARE AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
STARE AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
OH, MAN.
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DRUM STICKS CLACKING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A STANDOFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A STANDOFF.
WIND IT UP, WIND IT UP! IT'S A STANDOFF.
WIND IT UP, WIND IT UP! [ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL WINS! SAL WINS! SAL WINS! SAL WINS! WOW.
SAL WINS! WOW.
WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE WOW.
WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE INTERESTED TO SIGN UP FOR WOULD YOU THINK THAT YOU'D BE INTERESTED TO SIGN UP FOR FURTHER LESSONS? HE GOT HIM! BAND.
[ DING! .]
BAND.
[ DING! .]
THIS GUY'S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS [ DING! .]
THIS GUY'S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS UKULELE.
OH, MY GOD.
THE UKULELE.
THE OLD UKE.
THE UKULELE.
THE OLD UKE.
"WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT "WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
" WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
" WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
WELL, HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THE UKULELE.
"I'M LONELY.
" THE UKULELE.
"I'M LONELY.
" I'M LONELY.
"I'M LONELY.
" I'M LONELY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'M LONELY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR [ LAUGHTER .]
"SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR RHYTHM?" "SO, LET'S SEE -- HOW'S YOUR RHYTHM?" LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM RHYTHM?" LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM FIRST.
LET'S CHECK YOUR RHYTHM FIRST.
PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
FIRST.
PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES PUT YOUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES DOWN.
LET'SPUT OUR UKULELES DOWN.
"NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE DOWN.
"NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" "NOW LET'S JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM.
" AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM WITH ME.
AND JUST -- JUST CLAP TO THE RHYTHM WITH ME.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
RHYTHM WITH ME.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
1, 2, 1, 2.
CLAP AS GIRLY AS YOU CAN.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
1, 2, 1, 2.
[ LAUGHTER .]
1, 2, 1, 2.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL?! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE HELL?! 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! WHAT THE HELL?! 1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, OKAY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, BUDDY.
LET'S LISTEN TO YOUR DEMO, BUDDY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
BUDDY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
OKAY.
THIS IS MY DEMO.
OKAY.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
OKAY.
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND YOU MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE AROUND YOU JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A YOU JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A SUIT JUST TINY CIGARETTES IN A SUIT FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, SUIT FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, AND POPCORN FOOTBALL, PORNO, DUCK SAUCE, AND POPCORN I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF AND POPCORN I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF GENITALIA.
I WAS BORN WITH BOTH SET OF GENITALIA.
HELP ME.
GENITALIA.
HELP ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HELP ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"HELP ME.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
"HELP ME.
" I WROTE THAT SONG.
"HELP ME.
" I WROTE THAT SONG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WROTE THAT SONG.
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D DO YOU THINK, BASED ON HOW THIS IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER IS GOING, DO YOU THINK YOU'D LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? LIKE TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? [ ALL GROAN .]
UKULELE LESSON WITH ME? [ ALL GROAN .]
[ DING! .]
HERE SHE COMES.
[ Laughing .]
OH, NO! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ Laughing .]
OH, NO! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! OH [BLEEP.]
THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP THE OLD STAND-UP BASS! LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP BASS.
LET ME, UHGET MY STAND-UP BASS.
I SURE HAD A BASS.
I SURE HAD A HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO I SURE HAD A HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOT TO TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! [ LAUGHTER .]
TAKE IT OFF THE STAND! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ CHUCKLES .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ CHUCKLES .]
HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE STAND-UP BASS BEFORE? UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
STAND-UP BASS BEFORE? UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UMIT'S LIKE A BIG VIOLIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
"HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED VIOLIN [ LAUGHTER .]
"HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED VIOLIN BEFORE?" HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE VIOLIN BEFORE? A VIOLIN IS LIKE A SMALL A VIOLIN IS LIKE A SMALL STAND-UP BASS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
STAND-UP BASS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE [ LAUGHTER .]
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" "I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" HO.
LIKE A GUITAR, YOU GO THE OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT OPPOSITE WAYS, RIGHT? AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
AND YOU CAN HEAR THE DIFFERENT SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER SOUNDS AS YOU GO DOWN.
"I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN" [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY .]
I PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT WOULD NEVER FALL FOR A STUDENT AGAIN.
AGAIN.
"THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" "THEN YOU WALKED IN.
" HO.
HO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
AND THEN YOU WALKED IN.
AND THEN YOU WALKED IN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, GOD.
OH, GOD.
AND HERE WE ARE.
AND HERE WE ARE.
"I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE "I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE STRINGS" STRINGS" I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE I MIGHT BE PLAYING THE STRINGS STRINGS "BUT YOU'RE PULLING THE "BUT YOU'RE PULLING THE STRINGS OF MY HEART.
" STRINGS OF MY HEART.
" [ GROANS .]
[ GROANS .]
BUT YOUARE PULLING THE BUT YOUARE PULLING THE STRINGS OF MY HEART.
STRINGS OF MY HEART.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHY DON'T WE SHOW HER YOUR WHY DON'T WE SHOW HER YOUR DEMO? DEMO? I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEMO.
I ACTUALLY HAVE A DEMO.
ME PLAYING THE STAND-UP BASS -- ME PLAYING THE STAND-UP BASS -- SO YOU CAN HEAR IT.
SO YOU CAN HEAR IT.
[ GUITAR STRUMMING .]
[ GUITAR STRUMMING .]
DOO-BE DOO BOP, DEE BA AO-O-GA DOO-BE DOO BOP, DEE BA AO-O-GA BOO-BA-DE DA AO-O-GA BOO-BA-DE DA SCOOBY-DOO-GOP BOO-BA-DE DA SCOOBY-DOO-GOP DOO SCOOBY-DOO-GOP DOO DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA DOO DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BE DOO BOP, WEE DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BA-DA DA Together: AO-O-GA DOO-BA-DA DA DOO-BA-DA GEH DOO-BA-DA DA DOO-BA-DA GEH DI DI DOO-BA-DA GEH DI DI [ SONG ENDS .]
DI DI [ SONG ENDS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ SONG ENDS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YOU HEARD ALL THE QUALITY STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YEAH, S-- STAND-UP BASS IN THERE, RIGHT? YEAH, S-- [ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH, S-- [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER CLASS? YOU WANT TO SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER CLASS? DON'T DO IT.
CLASS? DON'T DO IT.
ALL RIGHT! DON'T DO IT.
ALL RIGHT! HOW?! ALL RIGHT! HOW?! WE MADE IT TOO FUN! HOW?! WE MADE IT TOO FUN! ALL RIGHT.
WE MADE IT TOO FUN! ALL RIGHT.
[ DING! .]
ALL RIGHT.
[ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT [ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE Narrator: JOE COULDN'T HIT THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE LOSER BOARD.
THE RIGHT NOTE, SO HE'S ON THE LOSER BOARD.
HEY, HEY! LOSER BOARD.
HEY, HEY! FOCUS UP, AMERICA! HEY, HEY! FOCUS UP, AMERICA! TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE FOCUS UP, AMERICA! TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP TODAY, ONE OF US WILL BE THE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP AND THE OTHER WILL BE MODERATOR IN A FOCUS GROUP AND THE OTHER WILL BE PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME AND THE OTHER WILL BE PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME GROUP.
PARTICIPATING IN THAT SAME GROUP.
NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST GROUP.
NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST READ ALL THE ANSWERS ON HIS NOW, THE PARTICIPANT MUST READ ALL THE ANSWERS ON HIS SURVEY.
THE THING IS, HIS COMPLETELY EMBARRASSING ANSWERS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
EMBARRASSING ANSWERS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY WRITTEN BY THE MODERATOR.
IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU IF YOU CAN'T READ EVERY ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU LOSE.
ANSWER, IN ITS ENTIRETY, YOU LOSE.
Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
LOSE.
Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS Shh.
Q's REALLY FOCUSED.
Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE Narrator: IT'S MURR VERSUS JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE SHOWDOWN.
JOE AND Q VERSUS SAL IN A DOUBLE SHOWDOWN.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY SHOWDOWN.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
MURR, THE DRESS CODE TODAY WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WAS STEVEN SEAGAL, SO GOOD JOB.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
[ DOOR OPENS .]
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
[ DOOR OPENS .]
HI, EVERYONE.
[ DOOR OPENS .]
HI, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
HI, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
WELCOME TO FOCUS SUITES.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE LOOK AT THIS GUY.
JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR JOE HAS GOT TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE QUESTIONS THAT MURRAY WROTE FOR HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE ANSWERS.
HIM AS HIS OWN AND OWN THOSE ANSWERS.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL ANSWERS.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
SO, MURR, IF JOE ANSWERS ALL THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, THOSE QUESTIONS, YOU LOSE.
OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS OKAY.
SO, FIRST, MICHELLE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS PRIMARILY FROM? WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS PRIMARILY FROM? MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
PRIMARILY FROM? MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
MOSTLY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKS.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
SOCIAL NETWORKING.
SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? SO ONLINE.
OKAY.
AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO AND HOW WOULD YOU, ERICA? YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
YEAH, I SAID TWITTER BUT ALSO SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU SOCIAL MEDIA IN GENERAL.
OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM? OKAY, AND, JOE, WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM? HERE WE GO.
GET YOUR NEWS FROM? HERE WE GO.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE HERE WE GO.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE THIS MORNING.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH CHEESE THIS MORNING.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
THIS MORNING.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE ANSWER? THAT'S WHAT YOU WROTE AS THE ANSWER? YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I ANSWER? YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
YEAH.
UH, RE-READING THIS, I GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
GUESS, UHI MISUNDERSTOOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? MICHELLE? HOW DID YOU GET HERE TODAY? MICHELLE? TRAIN.
MICHELLE? TRAIN.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? TRAIN.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? MM-HMM.
YOU TOOK THE SUBWAY? MM-HMM.
AND ALEXIS.
MM-HMM.
AND ALEXIS.
SUBWAY.
AND ALEXIS.
SUBWAY.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME SUBWAY.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME QUESTION.
SUBWAY.
AND, JOE, SAME QUESTION.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT QUESTION.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
OH.
I TOOK THIS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, MORE.
THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT THIS IS ALL OPEN INTERPRETATION, BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY BUT I SAID, "SUBWAY," BUT ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER ORIGINALLY, I CAME HERE FROM MY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER RUBBER DUCKY MOM'S TALLAHASSEE, A.
K.
A.
HER RUBBER DUCKY [ LAUGHTER .]
RUBBER DUCKY [ LAUGHTER .]
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY [ LAUGHTER .]
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY SMOOTHY.
A.
K.
A.
HER STRAWBERRY SMOOTHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SMOOTHY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED [ CHAIRS CRASHING .]
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM.
MURR'S GETTING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM.
DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE TO HIM.
DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY DOES PRICE GREATLY INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY PURCHASES? YOUR CHOICE OF TECHNOLOGY PURCHASES? HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? PURCHASES? HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD HOWIE, HOW ABOUT YOU? YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD SAY IT DOES.
YEAH, FOR A STUDENT, I WOULD SAY IT DOES.
IT DOES, FOR SURE.
SAY IT DOES.
IT DOES, FOR SURE.
AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? IT DOES, FOR SURE.
AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? I WROTE, UH AND, JOE, HOW ABOUT YOU? I WROTE, UH I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE I WROTE, UH I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING I HAVE A WIFE AND BICHON FRISE WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY WIENER.
WHO SPEND MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT OF MY WIENER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE [ LAUGHTER .]
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE HERE, MAN.
MURRAY, YOU GOT TO GET JOE HERE, MAN.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
HERE, MAN.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
I'M SORRY.
HE'S COMING OUT SWINGING.
I'M SORRY.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? I'M SORRY.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
WHAT IS A BICHON FRISE? IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
IT'S A BICHON FRISE.
IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE IT'S A LITTLE PUPPY.
HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE SPEND YOUR MONEY? HOW DOES THE BICHON FRISE SPEND YOUR MONEY? OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPEND YOUR MONEY? OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE OH, THE BICHON FRISE EATS A SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S SPECIALTY DIET, VIA THE WIFE SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL SPENDING THE MONEY LIKE IT'S COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
COMING OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL WIENER.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF WIENER.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF THAT ONE.
JOE REALLY TOOK OWNERSHIP OF THAT ONE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THAT ONE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THERE.
I FEEL LIKE THERE WAS SOME TRUTH THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OKAY.
YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG OKAY.
YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU BETTER PULL OUT A BIG GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU ON THE ROPES.
GUN, MURR, BECAUSE HE HAS GOT YOU ON THE ROPES.
FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A YOU ON THE ROPES.
FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS FINAL QUESTION -- JOE, ON A LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? LAZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? MM.
YEAH.
YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? MM.
YEAH.
I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS, MOSTLY.
I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS, MOSTLY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY! [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THIS GUY! NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS LOOK AT THIS GUY! NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
NO, I DUTCH OVEN MY CATS 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
JOEY! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE .]
JOEY! LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN JOEY! LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
[ BUZZER .]
THROUGH EVERY QUESTION.
[ BUZZER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
HERE WE GO.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
ALL RIGHT, SAL.
Q IS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
SO, Q HAS WRITTEN ALL OF SAL'S ANSWERS.
SO, Q HAS WRITTEN ALL OF SAL'S ANSWERS.
YES.
SAL'S ANSWERS.
YES.
SAL WILL BE READING WHAT Q YES.
SAL WILL BE READING WHAT Q MAKES HIM SAY.
OKAY.
WE HAVE STEVEN, RIGHT? COURTNEY, UH, AL HE CALLED HIM AL! COURTNEY, UH, AL HE CALLED HIM AL! SAL.
SAL.
HE CALLED HIM AL! SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
SAL.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
SAL.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
NO PROBLEM.
OKAY, COOL.
SORRY.
NO PROBLEM.
AND HERE WE GO.
NO PROBLEM.
AND HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
AND HERE WE GO.
OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? OKAY.
WE'LL JUST START.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? NO.
DWAYNE, DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? NO.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
NO.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
UH, OKAY, AL.
NO, NO NICKNAME.
UH, OKAY, AL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? UH, OKAY, AL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? SAL.
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? SAL.
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
SAL.
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
UMBOLOGNA CHEEKS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHERE DID YOU GET THE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHERE DID YOU GET THE NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? WHERE DID YOU GET THE NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
NICKNAME "BOLOGNA CHEEKS"? FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
YEAH.
FRIENDS GAVE IT TO ME.
YEAH.
IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
YEAH.
IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
"IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! IT'S RELATIVELY NEW.
"IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! STUCK, HUH? "IT'S RELATIVELY NEW"! STUCK, HUH? IT BETTER NOT STICK.
STUCK, HUH? IT BETTER NOT STICK.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT BETTER NOT STICK.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT [ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT AWAY, Q.
YOU'RE COMING OUT HOT RIGHT AWAY, Q.
UH, OKAY.
AWAY, Q.
UH, OKAY.
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
UH, OKAY.
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE.
PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? PLEASE, THINKING ABOUT SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? COURTNEY? SMARTPHONES, WHAT COMES TO MIND? COURTNEY? APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
COURTNEY? APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
PERFECT.
APPS, TAKING PICTURES.
PERFECT.
THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
PERFECT.
THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS THAT WAS AN EXCELLENT ANSWER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? BUT YOU KNOW WHO I THINK IS GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? AL? GONNA HAVE A BETTER ANSWER? AL? AL'S.
AL? AL'S.
OKAY, UH AL'S.
OKAY, UH AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
OKAY, UH AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND? AL, THINK ABOUT SMARTPHONES.
WHAT COMES TO MIND? THE TIME THAT I WHAT COMES TO MIND? THE TIME THAT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE THE TIME THAT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE TO MY SISTER ACCIDENTALLY SENT A NAKED SELFIE TO MY SISTER OH, MY GOD.
TO MY SISTER OH, MY GOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND THEN SHE SENT ONE [ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND THEN SHE SENT ONE BACK, SO AND THEN SHE SENT ONE BACK, SO [ BOTH LAUGH .]
BACK, SO [ BOTH LAUGH .]
GREAT ANSWER! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
GREAT ANSWER! "AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! GREAT ANSWER! "AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! WAIT A SECOND.
"AND SHE SENT ONE BACK"?! WAIT A SECOND.
SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED WAIT A SECOND.
SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED PICTURE OF HERSELF? SHE SENT BACK A NAKED -- A NAKED PICTURE OF HERSELF? HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! PICTURE OF HERSELF? HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! [ LAUGHING .]
HE'S TURNING THE SCREWS! [ LAUGHING .]
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
[ LAUGHING .]
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
NO? WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
NO? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
NO? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
OOF.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
OOF.
NEXT QUESTION.
OOF.
NEXT QUESTION.
STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH NEXT QUESTION.
STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH IT? STEVEN, YOU WANT TO START WITH IT? WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? IT? WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL WHAT DO YOU DO F FOR FUN? I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL COMMUNITY CENTER.
I PLAY BASKETBALL IN MY LOCAL COMMUNITY CENTER.
OKAY.
COMMUNITY CENTER.
OKAY.
AL? AL? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S SAL.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S SAL.
I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND IT'S SAL.
I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" I THOUGHT I SAID "SAL" AND YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" NO, IT'S -- YOU SAID IT'S "AL.
" NO, IT'S -- IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN NO, IT'S -- IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN BORN.
IT'S BEEN SAL SINCE I'VE BEEN BORN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
BORN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
PAINT.
UH, I LOVE TO PAINT.
PAINT.
MM-HMM.
PAINT.
MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? [ LAUGHING .]
WHAT DO YOU PAINT? [ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
[ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS THERE'S MORE TO THAT ANSWER.
WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS I USE ACRYLIC PAINT WHAT I WROTE HERE WAS I USE ACRYLIC PAINT AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
I USE ACRYLIC PAINT AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
AND A MIRROR BETWEEN MY LEGS.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WHAT?! [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
OKAY, I'M JUST NOT IT'S A -- IT'S ART, MAN.
OKAY, I'M JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- OKAY, I'M JUST NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- IT'S ART.
UNDERSTANDING HOW IT WORKS -- IT'S ART.
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
IT'S ART.
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S SUBJECTIVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
Q IS GLOATING! [ LAUGHTER .]
Q IS GLOATING! Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS Q IS GLOATING! Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.
Q's GOT SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE.
WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? SLEEVE.
WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING? I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, UHMAKE ART.
I DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO, UHMAKE ART.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- UHMAKE ART.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- WHAT IT MEANS.
UH, VERY UNCLEAR ON WHAT'S -- WHAT IT MEANS.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
WHAT IT MEANS.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
HA! YOU GOT TO ANSWER, BUDDY.
I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I I GUESS I -- I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I TAINT PAINT.
MAYBE I TAINT PAINT.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
TAINT PAINT.
[ BOTH LAUGH .]
ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP [ BOTH LAUGH .]
ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? ALL RIGHT, WELL, FOLLOW-UP QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST QUESTION FOR YOU, THEN? AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST ONE.
AND I PROMISE IT'LL BE THE LAST ONE.
IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.
ON A LAZY AFTERNOON, WHAT'S YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
YOUR PREFERRED ACTIVITY? [ BOTH LAUGH .]
WELL, IT DEPENDS.
WELL, IT DEPENDS.
[ Laughing .]
HE'S BLOWING IF THERE'S A GIRL [ Laughing .]
HE'S BLOWING IF THERE'S A GIRL [ BOTH LAUGH .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL [ BOTH LAUGH .]
HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT [ BOTH LAUGH .]
HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT HIM! HE'S POINTING THE GUNS AT HIM! [ LAUGHING .]
HIM! [ LAUGHING .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME [ LAUGHING .]
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME RIGHT.
IF THERE'S A GIRL WITH ME RIGHT.
OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! RIGHT.
OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! OH! IT'S A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! A MEXICAN STANDOFF! SAL'S GOT A GUN! A MEXICAN STANDOFF! I LIKE TO BE, UH A MEXICAN STANDOFF! I LIKE TO BE, UH LAZY ALL OVER HER.
I LIKE TO BE, UH LAZY ALL OVER HER.
[ LAUGHING .]
LAZY ALL OVER HER.
[ LAUGHING .]
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T [ LAUGHING .]
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T GET IT.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T GET IT.
[ LAUGHING .]
GET IT.
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
OH! HE DOES IT! [ DING! .]
OH! HE DOES IT! WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
OH! HE DOES IT! WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
[ BUZZER .]
WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.
[ BUZZER .]
OH, TOO BAD, Q.
[ BUZZER .]
OH, TOO BAD, Q.
Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF OH, TOO BAD, Q.
Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG Narrator: EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
THAT, JOE REMAINS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
JOE! LOSER.
JOE! AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? JOE! AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? SUPER-MAGICAL.
AREN'T PUNISHMENTS MAGICAL? SUPER-MAGICAL.
TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL SUPER-MAGICAL.
TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI TONIGHT, AT THE BORGATA HOTEL CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE CASINO & SPA, THE GREAT NOZINI IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND IS GONNA DAZZLE A PACKED HOUSE WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
WITH A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A ILLUSION.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
WE'VE BILLED YOU AS A WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND WORLD-FAMOUS ESCAPE ARTIST.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE AND THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
THRILL THE AUDIENCE.
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD PUNISHMENT, BOYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ APPLAUSE .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THIS IS A PACKED CROWD.
WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED WE'RE AT THE BORGATA.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED SHOWS.
THEY DON'T PUT UP HALF-ASSED SHOWS.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST SHOWS.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT THE MOST AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE AMAZING MAGIC EVER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST TIME HAS COME TO LAY YOUR EYES UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST OF OUR TIME.
UPON THE GREATEST ESCAPE ARTIST OF OUR TIME.
OH, YEAH! OF OUR TIME.
OH, YEAH! JOE GATTO! OH, YEAH! JOE GATTO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
JOE GATTO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO [ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND A NIGHT OF MAGIC AND ILLUSION.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I AM AN ESCAPE ARTIST, AND THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I'LL BE ESCAPING THAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING.
I'LL BE ESCAPING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I'LL BE ESCAPING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE AMAZED.
I HOPE YOU ARE READY TO BE AMAZED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AMAZED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE [ LAUGHTER .]
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE ESCAPING.
SO, LET'S GET ON WITH THE ESCAPING.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ESCAPING.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ME.
A STRAIGHTJACKET WILL BE PUT ON ME.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? ME.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BUD? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF A STRAIGHTJACKET.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET OUT OF A STRAIGHTJACKET.
STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR A STRAIGHTJACKET.
STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME STRAIGHTJACKETS ARE KNOWN FOR BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
BEING HARD TO GET OUT OF -- SOME WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
TO THAT, I SAY WOULD SAY IMPOSSIBLE.
TO THAT, I SAY WAIT AND SEE.
TO THAT, I SAY WAIT AND SEE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WAIT AND SEE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
WAIT A MINUTE.
STRAIGHTJACKET.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE! BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
I WILL BE BOUND IN STEEL CHAINS AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
THANK YOU, LADIES.
AND ROPE AROUND MY ANKLES.
THANK YOU, LADIES.
SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, THANK YOU, LADIES.
SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY SO, NOW I HAVE A STRAIGHTJACKET, STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY LEGS.
STEEL CHAINS, AND ROPE AROUND MY LEGS.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE LEGS.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
AND I WILL NOW ESCAPE BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
YOUR VERY EYES.
WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
WHAT? WAIT.
THERE'S MORE.
WHAT? WHAT THE? WHAT? WHAT THE? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT THE? [ LAUGHTER .]
NOT BEFORE I'M [ LAUGHTER .]
NOT BEFORE I'M LOWERED INTO NOT BEFORE I'M LOWERED INTO OH! LOWERED INTO OH! THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THISCHAMBER OF WATER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHING .]
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
[ LAUGHING .]
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF [ LAUGHING .]
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
LOWERED INTO THE CHAMBER OF WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
HEY, JOE! WATER TO UP THE ANTE.
HEY, JOE! [BLEEP.]
YOU! HEY, JOE! [BLEEP.]
YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
[BLEEP.]
YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ MOTOR WHIRRING .]
I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS HOW MANY ESCAPE ARTISTS HAVE DIED.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE FROM THIS CHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! CHAMBER OF WATER.
OH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! OH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? GREAT? HEY, JOE, HOW DO YOU FEEL? GREAT? OH, THAT'S COLD.
GREAT? OH, THAT'S COLD.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS OH, THAT'S COLD.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS MIND RIGHT NOW.
OH, WHAT'S GOING THROUGH HIS MIND RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NOW ESCAPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
ANY MOMENT NOW.
OH, MY GOD.
ANY MOMENT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
ANY MOMENT NOW! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, OH, WAIT! [ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
OH, OH, WAIT! WHAT? OH, OH, WAIT! WHAT? NOPE.
WHAT? NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN [ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
THIS IS TAKING A BIT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH I EXPECTED.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
THEY REALLY DID A NUMBER WITH THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
[ GRUNTING .]
THIS STRAIGHTJACKET.
[ GRUNTING .]
THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
[ GRUNTING .]
THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
I MEAN, IS THERE A THESE CHAINS ARE A [BLEEP.]
I MEAN, IS THERE A [ LAUGHTER .]
[ GRUNTS .]
WELL, AT THIS POINT, THIS IS USELESS.
WELL, AT THIS POINT, THIS IS USELESS.
I'M SORRY.
USELESS.
I'M SORRY.
HE'S APOLOGIZING! I'M SORRY.
HE'S APOLOGIZING! JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING HE'S APOLOGIZING! JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING JOE THOUGHT THAT BEING EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
EMBARRASSED BY NOT ESCAPING WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
NO.
WOULD BE THE PUNISHMENT.
NO.
THAT WASN'T THE PUNISHMENT! NO.
THAT WASN'T THE PUNISHMENT! THIS PART IS THE PUNISHMENT! [ LAUGHING .]
THERE'S JUST SILENCE.
HE'S JUST STARING AT THEM LIKE HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
HE'S JUST STARING AT THEM LIKE HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? HE'S A ZOO ANIMAL.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING? THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
THERE'S PEOPLE LEAVING! HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
[ SIGHS .]
HAVE A GOOD DAY, MA'AM.
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ SIGHS .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ AUDIENCE BOOING .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! [ BOOING CONTINUES .]
PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN PEOPLE ARE BOOING HIM! I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN ME, FOLKS.
I APPRECIATE YOUR FAITH IN ME, FOLKS.
NO, I CAN'T.
ME, FOLKS.
NO, I CAN'T.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, I CAN'T.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? OH, MY GOD.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? JUST DID.
JOE, YOU GOT TO PEE, BUDDY? JUST DID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE STAGE LIGHTS ARE OFF! GUYS, LET'S PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
GUYS, LET'S PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.
[ LAUGHS .]