Jack Irish (2016) s03e02 Episode Script

1 Yeah, but why Asia, why Manila? Asia's the new Middle East.
Like we need another one of those.
WOMAN: I take it you're Orton? Linda.
I know the story I'm covering.
The terrorist, Hadji Adhib, grew up in Melbourne.
It was a bloody scam! On the Internet(!) Apparently I've been talking to some bloke from the Russian mafia the whole time.
This is how the last bloke you had me chase wants to pay you.
HARRY AND CAM: Lost Legion.
16 starts, 4 wins, 3 places.
Jack'll take him.
Travis Dilthey.
I'm trying to locate my younger brother.
Wayne, you know there's only one way to resign.
(Gunfire) Why'd you kill Wayne Dilthey? What reason would I have to kill Wayne? You're free to go, Mr Irish.
Your girlfriend came forward.
Come on, babe.
Let's get you home.
You poor thing! Where's Tina? Who's Tina? My sister, Tina.
I don't know where she is.
Have you heard from our Tina? She's still overseas, isn't she? No, she's back.
You seem tense, Janene.
These numbers here - who's Pier Okant? They mean nothing.
Just let her go, OK? (Dogs bark) (Cries out) MAN: I'm standing in my kitchen, naked as Adam except for a towel.
Spare yourself the image, you know, really.
(Audience laughs) And I open the freezer door to get a secret scoop of late-night ice-cream when a frozen chicken decides to make a dash for freedom from the top shelf right onto my foot.
(Audience laughs) So, now, right, I'm disco hip-hopping around the kitchen in a towel, two broken toes, and Helena walks in (Laughs) and God knows, look, I have loved this woman for 23 years, since we were childhood sweethearts.
Where are you, darling? Hello.
(Audience coos) You know what Helena says to me? Not, 'Oh! Are you OK, my darling, precious love?' No, no, no.
She looks at me and she says, 'Well, you should have been wearing shoes.
' (Laughter and applause) There you have it, folks.
Love can be mighty scarce on the ground.
(Laughs) The world can be a dangerous and hostile place.
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
'I've been in danger from bandits, from my countrymen, and in danger from my brothers.
' Second Corinthians, 11:26.
The world is now dangerous in ways that I could never have imagined were possible as a kid.
It comes dressed in evil.
Bombs in our shopping centres.
Predators, they stalk our kids on the Internet! AUDIENCE: Yeah! And on our streets, people that have no right to be walking there! WOMAN: That's right! AUDIENCE: Yeah! Now, how do we know who to trust? Fellas, you've done well.
Welcome to the brotherhood.
You may run on for a long time Run on for a long time You may run on for a long time God Almighty's gonna cut you down Tell you God Almighty's gonna cut you down Go tell that long-tongue liar Go tell that midnight rider Tell the rambler, the gambler and the back-biter Tell them God Almighty's gonna cut 'em down Tell them God Almighty's gonna cut 'em down.
I called the Sea Shepherd, mate.
They're on their way.
And I got you a coffee - hand-picked by free-range, organic Peruvians.
So, have you found the elusive Travis Dilthey yet? No.
He's vanished, like the dropkick.
Has it occurred to you that this could be a personal thing? Oh, let me think - someone tries to kill me and frame me for murder.
Yes, yes, I can see it as personal(!) There you go.
Still following men into change rooms, I see.
Mmm, old habits.
You know.
Yeah.
So, who was she and why did she alibi me? Are you serious? You don't know her? Mate, if I ever get to the point where I'm forgetting a woman who looks like that, shoot me, alright? Sarah Longmore, daughter of? Daughter of what? The Attorney-General? (Laughs) Shit, no way! Michael Longmore? So, I'm supposedly shagging the daughter of the Attorney-General? The man who famously said, 'In order to protect our freedoms, we must first limit them.
' But why would she lie to the coppers for me? The word is 'alibi', mate.
Let's give the lying thing a wide berth.
Sarah Barrett Longmore.
Oh! Sounds like the heroine from a Jane Austen novel - although it says that her occupation is scrap metal dealer, so maybe not.
Oh, before I forget Hey.
You said you lost yours.
I was gonna give it to Lorna before she shot through.
Yeah.
Did you ever think about why, maybe, she did shoot through? Sometimes.
You're all familiar with the terms of reference.
The Government is looking into the tax laws governing charity organisations - whether it qualifies or it doesn't.
A clerk is moving about you now issuing the running schedule and the order of submissions.
We will get this underway tomorrow.
I've been given only 30 minutes to address the inquiry.
I have witnesses.
Good.
I'll look forward to staying awake for them.
I was promised half a day by Senator Mackie.
That'll teach you to listen to an Opposition senator.
Tell your witnesses to speak quickly.
Look, we're not interested in people pillorying churches.
You're not turning this inquiry into a witch-hunt.
It's already a witch-hunt.
You've just picked the wrong targets.
Let's not blur the landscape, hmm? 30 minutes, Mr Gomes.
Your daughter didn't fly.
According to State Rail, Tina bought a train ticket to Melbourne.
Who the hell travels by rail? Bulgarians have faster trains than we.
Where did she go next? We don't know.
Keep checking.
God help me if the girl's gone back to her old ways.
Tom? What - have I inadvertently porked someone's wife here? Hang on! Where are you going with my computer? Tregear? 97% of our members never get a visit from the Office of Police Integrity in their entire careers, and then there are those like you, Tregear, who seem to ping their radar almost constantly.
So, I'm part of an elite group.
You pulled up Wayne Dilthey on our database and a day later he's bleeding out on a vibrating bed.
What - so the fact that we get a tip-off, a witness, and our murderer all delivered on our doorstep in under two hours, that didn't tweak the OPI's interest at all They pulled your phone records, Barry.
On whose authority?! What - those two turkeys who just took off with my computer? I've got ten years of porn on that.
Turned out you called Jack Irish on the same day twice last week.
He's your little mate.
I'd deny that before God.
You wouldn't have a career without him.
I know that he was your informant on the dockside case, helped you put Levesque behind bars.
A few favours in the bank, perhaps.
Or perhaps he's just got a knack of being in the wrong spot at exactly the right time.
That is not how the OPI view him.
The way they see it, you were in contact with the main suspect in a murder investigation just before the hit.
Well, technically he can't be the main suspect BEFORE the hit.
You shared privileged information with an outsider.
I brought him in and WE questioned him, and then the Attorney-General's daughter turns up and offers a perfect alibi! I mean, you saw her! What else was I supposed to do? I'm formally notifying you that you are suspended from all duties Oh, you're kidding! pending a full investigation, effective immediately.
If they find anything untoward Oh, well, you won't, will you? If they find anything WOMAN: Next.
Yeah, I just want to check the last couple of payments that have gone into that account.
Sure.
Have you noticed every cafe outside has quinoa somewhere on the menu? Everything is bloody quinoa! I know.
Orthopaedic shoes, car manifolds - all made from quinoa these days.
Yes, I can see $25,000 was transferred into your account four days ago - $5,000 in the morning and then $20,000 yesterday.
And were any of these payments from a Driscon Holdings or Travis Dilthey? Look at her fingers go! No, it was a bank-to-bank transfer from the Holman-Dang Bank.
I don't know what that is.
The Holman-Dang Bank in Manila.
I don't know anyone in Manila.
Oh, well, actually I do, but I doubt very much she's putting money into my account.
They've put a stop on your account, Mr Irish.
They do that sometimes.
How has a bank that I've never heard of before put a stop on my account? THEY didn't.
Well, who did? I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty to say.
Well, I think you'd better say.
I've got overdue bills, a wedding present on lay-by, parking fines to pay I'm sorry.
I am required to do this.
Oooh.
Who required you to do that?! Sorry.
'Sorry?' That's the best you can do, is it? You just ruin my day and then you shrug at me? (Huffs) I'd get more sympathy from the fucking ATM! Ah, here's the personalised service you're always bragging about.
In Sam's article a year ago about Hadji Adhib, he talks about making contact with the 'Gatekeeper'.
Does anyone know who Yeah, never mind.
Never mind.
Hello, Hadji.
(Speaks Arabic) The most difficult part about growing up in Saudi I came here when I was 15, so I was a teenager in Saudi.
The hard thing about that was trying to talk to girls, trying to approach them, because they're all covered from head to toe in black, so you couldn't tell whether you were talking to an attractive 18-year-old girl or to your grandmother.
I got that wrong so many times.
(Mobile phone rings) Four days without a call.
That's not too bad, I suppose.
Well, I wasn't sure what the protocol was.
Is the onus on the leaver or the leavee to call? I don't know.
You're the stickler for tradition.
Yeah, rusted to it.
Hey, listen, you didn't happen to stick 25 grand into my account, did you, as a sort of a de facto settlement? Oh, good(!) You got it, then(!) What are you talking about? Oh, I don't know.
Something odd's happened.
Hey, I'm just wondering if you could check on something for me.
Nice to hear your voice too, Jack.
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
It's important.
I got this weird money transfer from a Holman-Dang Bank in Manila, and I can't seem to find out anything about it.
You want me to drop the big story I'm working on and go run errands for you? Would you mind? I mean, they've frozen my account and I can't move on until I get it sorted out.
Look, I'll have a look at it if I get the time, uh That's it - the sum total of what you have to say to me? Ah, beauty! Four bucks! I'm rich! Dickhead.
(Electricity crackles) You there? Linda! (Phone button beeps) JOURNALIST: Orton! If The New York Times calls, I'm at the bank.
The power's out again.
Don't panic.
That's what I'm here for.
Yep, thank you.
(Linda sighs) Can't be any banks around here.
DRIVER: Go straight.
SAT NAV: Continue south for 140 metres on San Sebastian.
At the 'T' intersection, turn left onto Corian Lane.
Turn left.
Continue 50 metres to At the third intersection, turn left into Jose Maria Lane.
Your destination is ahead on the right.
You have arrived at your destination.
(Motorbike horn blares) No way.
You've gotta be joking! Jack, you're an idiot.
There's your Holman-Dang Bank.
(Camera clicks) (Sighs) WOMAN: I never thought about that.
You're right - a wonderful tension between caprice and urgency.
Sorry.
I'm just looking for the artist.
Follow the argument.
(Indistinct shouting) Every opening, she does this.
'Relationship No.
26' - you called me that in front of your friends! You quoted me all over it, look How could I quote you? I never even listened to you.
'I insist on single-origin coffee.
' 'I need to feel supported by you.
' Oh, yeah, OK, maybe I did listen.
Were you the one who said, 'I can feel my net worth and self-worth growing?' Do you have any idea what it's like waking up next to someone spouting shit like that? So, I AM Relationship No.
26? No, that was your score out of 100.
Yes, you nailed me! You're a car crash.
This car crash is you.
Fuck you! What - so you're not buying? Arsehole.
Hello.
I was wondering when you were going to show up.
Scrap metal dealer, huh? (Sarah chuckles) Hey, listen, I'm just wondering if Are these prices or world population figures? Do you hate them? I don't mind if you do.
I, in fact, see a wonderful tension between caprice and urgency here.
Finally someone understands.
Grab a beer.
Fridge is just in here.
I'll have a Czech one.
Apparently Czechs drink more beer per capita than anyone else on the planet, so I figure they know what they're doing.
(Sighs) Oh, very Guantanamo-chic(!) So you know you're not staying.
Onion-and-mustard sandwich? Read my mind.
That's all I've got.
I think the only reason why they call it 'finger food' is because you get so hungry, you could eat your hand.
(Laughs) So, tell me how it is we supposedly slept together.
I'm a little foggy on the details.
I'm looking for my sister, Tina.
She's disappeared.
When did you see her last? Oh, a few months ago, which isn't that unusual.
If it wasn't for a mutual loathing of our father, we probably wouldn't see each other much.
You don't like her? No, I love her, but she's a serious screw-up - and she has an air of entitlement, which makes her hard to bear, and after she found God, she became totally unbearable.
Mmm.
You're not into God, are you? Oh, my only religion involves blokes kicking a red ball between two big white posts.
Doesn't really explain why you alibied me, though, does it? Mm-hm.
(Answering machine beeps) I thought I was the last person on Earth to have one of those.
JANENE, ON RECORDING: It's Janene here.
I need to speak to Tina.
It's urgent.
If she rings you, get her to call me.
(Answering machine beeps) It's Janene again.
You have to get a message to Tina.
They're onto her! Tell her she's got to get away.
(Call disconnects) And then this.
(Answering machine beeps) They've killed Wayne and they're after me! Tina sent me something! I don't know what it is, but there's this guy, Jack Irish - he might be able to help if they haven't killed him! (Answering machine beeps) And you weren't dead.
And this Janene, how does she know Tina? A friendship based on abusive boyfriends and heroin and methadone, and then God.
And you don't think this is something you should just go and talk to the police about? No.
I've already checked.
Tina hasn't been home.
My father owns the block.
I was supposed to move in too, but I couldn't bear the idea of owing him anything.
Did Tina have a job? Yeah, spreading God's word in the Philippines, but before that, she liked to follow her boyfriends into professions - a painter, a potter.
The last one was a photographer, I think.
She must be good in bed, because her art is woeful.
And you? (Scoffs) I'm good at both.
Oh, the door's open.
Weird.
Tina? (Flicks light switch) Stay here.
She's in serious trouble.
She was teaching photography at Whitehill.
That's Wayne Dilthey.
(Cries out) Oh, shit! You alright? Yeah.
Wait here.
Get in! They were there! (Tyres screech) (Camera clicks) Oh! Arggh! Are you OK? (Car horn toots repeatedly) (Dog barks) (Car horn blares) So, I roll off the wife, fall gently to sleep after a few shit days, and the man I least want to see in the world pulls up in my driveway.
Listen, mate, some people have just tried to run me over.
Well, you know what? Do me a favour.
Next time let 'em.
No, I'm serious.
At Tina Longmore's apartment.
It's the same meatheads that were at the motel.
Look, I've taken a photo of their number plate.
Uh it's in there somewhere.
Give it here.
Nice phone(!) Oh, yeah.
No, you've nailed them alright.
Oh, shit.
It'd be a bullshit plate anyway.
How did that happen? I'd love to help you two lovebirds, but the truth is I'm swinging in the breeze myself.
You know I've been suspended? What for? For knowing you! I didn't do anything wrong.
Yes, you did.
You were born! You know, ever since that day, and today, you've done nothing but cause trouble.
I mean, what kind of hellish shit have you landed me in this time? I mean, OPI and Christ knows who else, they're crawling all over this thing! Well, have you asked yourself why? Oh, hello, alibi.
Do they do this for every low-rent ex-con like Dilthey? You know, as I was just saying to Mr Selfie here, love to help, but can't.
Look, all I can tell you right now is I wouldn't be trusting too many people on either end of the legal spectrum.
Which is apparently why we need your help.
Yeah, well, I need my pension, don't I? You want my help? Find the bloke that first set you up.
Can you at least find my car? (Scoffs) Car! Have you got anything to drink? Oh, yeah.
(Phone rings) (Answering machine beeps) JACK, ON RECORDING: Uh, hi.
You've called the home of Linda and Jack.
We're not in.
You know the routine.
Wait for the beep.
Ah.
(Answering machine beeps) LINDA, ON PHONE: I've wasted an entire day looking for that bank of yours.
It's nothing more than a postal address at the end of a bloody rabbit warren! What's this all about? Anyway, it's nice to hear my name's still on the machine.
(Call disconnects) So, Linda, she lives here? Uh sort of moved out.
Current or? More 'or'.
Anyway, bathroom's there, toilet's there.
Just make yourself at home.
And the gate's locked? Yeah, and I'm a light sleeper, so We're getting close to that alibi.
Oh, shit - the wedding.
Simone.
(Thunder rumbles) MAN: You are like a fragile bud that has taken root in my heart and bloomed into the flower that stands before me now.
Maybe hurry it a bit? That lightning's getting very close.
I promise to treasure this gift of love (Thunder cracks) and this wonderful, precious journey we share.
And now you, Simone? Simon, meeting you and your three children and allowing me to become part of your life and to share our journey of love (Thunder cracks) Shit! Just wrap it up, would you? Simon and Simone, you have exchanged these beautiful vows together in front of the witnesses that are family and friends, and I am delighted to announce you are now husband and wife! (Thunder cracks) I think everyone should come and take some shelter in the clubhouse! Stay away from anything metal! Beautiful ceremony.
You missed it, didn't you? Well, my car got stolen.
From the age of 15, I've been planning this day.
I know - I'm boring and now I'm being punished for that.
God wants to make a mockery of me.
Oh, come on.
It's it's a minor hiccup.
I know this is probably not the best time, but I'm in some serious trouble 15 minutes to midday, the sun was up, the sky was blue, and there was this light, scudding breeze, and I thought, 'That's perfect! It'll ruffle my veil in a lovely way as I walk down the aisle.
' Someone's trying to kill me, and I've been framed for something I didn't do, and I need a computer whiz OK.
Not now.
I mean, you can do your photos first.
I did bring your computer.
Your landlady let me in.
Do it in there.
(Thunder cracks) Here, I'll get this for you.
I checked Travis Dilthey's company out.
It was registered under a Driscon Holdings.
They've got a website and they make these clip things that Attach to your mobile.
I can read.
Oh, yeah.
Except you didn't check the correct site.
They basically stopped trading six years ago - haven't filed a return since 2009 - so whoever set you up just borrowed their company name.
You have heard of company searches? That's why I have you, Miss Mrs Mrs? Longbottom.
Longbottom.
Simon and Simone Longbottom.
I know.
Longbottom.
You'd think that would have been warning enough.
Right, that is where I would start.
Tessler Leasing.
Why's that? They manage the whole building.
Someone had to pay this lot - show them a credit card and some form of ID.
Right.
So, back to Collins Street.
SIMON: Honey! Honey?! Time to consummate this humiliation.
Oh! I got you a pressie.
Beautifully wrapped.
Is this what I think it is? Han Solo.
It is.
It's not an original? It's it's in the original packaging! Where on earth? I went to the right website.
DRIVER: Time to go? He's not the groom! Oh.
Beg your pardon.
Can we drop you somewhere? Well, seeing as you're going on your honeymoon, do you reckon I can borrow your car for a little bit? Thanks.
(Central locking toots) Mr Irish, is it? Er, Jack, please.
Are you a Jack or a John? Jack.
'Cause there's a lot of Johns out there calling themselves Jack.
No, no, Jack, born and bred.
Right! What was your inquiry in reference to? Well, your company's rented out an office space to a Driscon Holdings.
I wish this was my company.
I'd be a very wealthy man.
I can't tell you off the top of my head.
We rent out hundreds of offices.
Is there a problem with this particular tenant? Yeah, they owe me - my company - a lot of money, actually, and they appear to have vanished off the face of the Earth.
Oh, we don't like to hear that about our tenants.
Let's check our records.
Can I intrude on your life for a jiffy there, Colette? What's the company again? Driscon Holdings.
I'm imagining that's spelled with an I-S-C somewhere in there.
That doesn't make a lot of sense.
What's that? You say they're not in the building anymore? Empty as an MP's promise.
There was no forwarding address left on the door? Nope.
It's just that they paid six months in advance, and according to this, they only moved in ten days ago.
And is there a name on the file there? No.
I'm thinking someone's probably messed up our end.
To quote old Napoleon Bonaparte, if you want something done well, do it yourself.
I'll handle this now, thanks, Warren.
You go back to your other duties.
This is very odd, Sue.
Nice to meet you, Jack-not-John.
Mr? Irish.
And you are? The supervising manager here.
We really aren't able to give out any information about our clients.
I really just want a forwarding address or a name.
I mean, someone obviously signed the lease, paid the outgoings.
Yes, but we don't know you, and I think if the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want me giving your details out to a stranger.
Give away.
Unlike them, I've got nothing to hide.
I'm sorry.
You ever work for a bank? Nah, it's (Bangs at door) (Central locking toots) (Metal clangs and thuds) (Rock music blares) Hello? (Metal clangs and thuds) Hello? Sarah? It's the attention to detail that makes great art, eh? (Music silences) How long have you been standing there? Well, long enough to see that was heartfelt.
Yeah, I wasted five years in therapy.
All I needed was a sledgehammer and a sheet of metal.
I prefer to take it out on my liver.
You could have phoned.
I don't like people dropping in.
I sent you a text message.
Oh! Oh, 'Dripping in, doughnut mind?' was you, was it? Look, I just came to tell you that I don't I don't know that I can find Tina, OK? I barely have any resources, I don't know how to use this mobile phone, and I'm in the shit myself, so you're gonna have to go to the cops.
You forget - you're out because I gave you an alibi.
Forget about the alibi.
Tell them you were desperate or something Yes, I am desperate.
My sister is a former addict.
Her walls are covered in photos of crims.
I know what cops do, and I know what my father does when you're in trouble, so if you can't help me, fine - I'll do it myself.
(Rock music plays) Alright.
I'll go, then.
(Phone buttons beep) (Mobile phone rings) Where is she? What have you done with her? I'm sorry? I'm sorry, do I know you? Where's Tina? I know she's back.
I'm sorry, Tina who? You know who I mean! She would have called you! Er, Tina Longmore? Isn't She's in the Philippines, isn't she? Has something happened to her? Rob? I need you, darling.
Should I ask your wife? Coming, hon.
Now.
Er, Janene, isn't it? Why don't you just come past my office? Like they'd let me get to you.
Ring me.
I'll take the call.
We can sort out whatever this is, OK? OK.
I thought you might need rescuing.
Just another lost soul in crisis.
Don't they know we've got a home life? I'll get you a coffee.
Thanks.
What is Janene Ballich doing on my doorstep at 7AM, asking questions about Tina? (Horse whinnies) Yeah, holds well on a dirt track.
Nice even stride, pacing it nicely.
Very good! Bit of promise on the turn.
If he's got anything, he'll start to build here.
Oh, very good! Nice instinct for the post! Wha? Where in blazes is the damn thing going?! (Groans) (Horses whinny) I guess that's why they call it the mounting yard.
MAN: Get that fucking horse off my mare! It's not my horse! Belongs to a Jack someone.
Scott or Irish, I think.
So, to win, all we need is a mare on heat at the finish line.
Balls on a racehorse - it's never a good thing.
MAN: Countries on the equator.
Uh zero degrees latitude, coming in from the east, it'd be Gabon, er, Congo, at Makoua, Somalia, uh Indonesia, at Sumatra.
What the hell's Chinese tapas? I mean, for a start, it's two different countries.
It's actually two different continents.
He's right.
Yes, he is.
Just part of the way forward for me, OK? Part of the healing process.
What? I've had a marriage gone foul, my wife runs off with my cousin, and now my Oriental lover turns out to be a bloody Russian man.
I am hanging on by a thread here, Jack! Oooh, he's a bit snaky this morning! Yeah, but he makes a good point.
What the devil is this tay-pas? I'm sorry.
I'm fine now.
Look, I'm just trying to keep up with the times, you know? Turn my back on the past, and I am evolving.
In the pub game, you need a point of difference.
You had a point of difference - a place where time stands still.
Well, I'm going for an Australian-Asian fusion.
Confusion, more like it.
Pass the dead horse, will you, Norm? You try running this pub with that as your customer base! I'm surrounded by fine-dining joints.
There's a new gastropub opening up every second week.
And you've always been the best establishment for gastro.
We know that.
You're famous for it.
It's a sign.
It's tapas.
It's just a word.
What does it mean? It means the same lunch menu, just put in little dishes with chopsticks.
It's about rebranding, Jack.
That's the buzz word.
It's about survival! First thing I think of when I come in here, Stan.
'By a thread, ' I said.
Hanging by a thread.
What countries does the Sargasso Sea connect? None.
That's a trick question.
That's part of the North Atlantic Gyre.
Hey, for a bloke who's never travelled past Map 44, your geography's not bad, Wilbur.
Well, I was in the Merchant Navy! You don't think I've spent all my life sitting on this stool, do you? Only the past 40 years.
So, how much is this little procedure going to set us back? Well, Cam's done a bit of a spreadsheet.
Gelding doesn't come cheap, Jack.
It's like a divorce - and with the same result.
Cam? Uh, operational fees'll set us back 800 bucks, and the anaesthetist is $450.
Kissing on-screen and horses being knackered, can't watch 'em.
Post-operative stable call - 200 bucks.
The creams are $50.
Worming paste - $25, and the physiotherapist is 250 bucks.
Physiotherapist? Yeah, well, the horse has to be brought back to shape post-op.
Bottom line, Cam, plus trainer's fees? Bottom line, total - $8,655.
What?! So, your share's just under three.
We we've only owned the horse for a week! My credit card got cut up.
I haven't got a cent to give you! You should have thought about that before you came to us with this proposition.
I didn't come to you with it.
You dumped it in my lap! Let's not nit-pick! Look, we're all friends, Jack.
We don't have to sort it out now.
Yeah, well, thanks.
I'll, in the meantime, sell a kidney.
I think I just ate it.
(Indistinct singing on TV) Hey, you want to buy a fridge, eh? Young Lester's bloke, he's trying to get rid of his old ice chest.
I need to see that ad again.
Give it ten minutes.
Here we go.
These are all the audition tapes.
Help yourself.
Better warn you - there's about 60 of them.
If you need anything, I'll be outside.
Alright.
Thanks.
No worries.
In despair My kitchen needs repair I want a fridge that (Remote control beeps) (Remote control beeps) I've just been touring Queensland with a production of My Fair Lady, to some wonderful notices.
Most recently, I've been playing the role of Cinna in Julius Caesar with the wonderful Gordon Street Players.
Ridgey Didge, Ridgey Didge More than just a fridge Ridgey Didge! Ciao, one and all.
WOMAN: Night, Robert.
Till evening draws its curtain, my friends.
Night, Bobby.
(Laughs) (Laughs) Hail, Caesar! Au revoir, good sir.
Adieu.
WOMAN: Bye.
MAN: Take care, Bobby.
(Tyres screech) (Engine roars) Arggh! GENTLE PIANO MUSIC 'He was a man.
Take him for all in all.
I shall not look upon his like again.
' I rarely use the word 'thespian', but Robert Ellis Warburton - darling Bobby, to those of us who knew and adored him - truly was a son of Thespis.
Who knows how far his talents could have taken him? Chookas, good friend.
Ciao.
(Applause) MAN: Bravo.
MAN: Well done, mate.
Well done.
Thank you so much.
Uh, Sybil McLeod? Mmm? Jack Irish.
That was very touching.
Mmm.
From the heart.
Mmm.
You were his agent, I understand? Mmm, through thick and thin, the good times, the not-so-good times.
Bobby didn't make a move without consulting me first.
So you'd know about his most recent job that he was hired for, then.
Of course! He was about to play Cinna in Julius Caesar.
Oh, it was a small role, but This was more a sort of a private acting thing, I think.
In what sense? Well, he was playing Travis Dilthey, a company executive.
I don't know of that one.
Are you sure it was him? Er, yeah, yeah, it was him.
So it was a corporate gig - a training video or something? Would he have been paid for this? Very well, I would suggest.
The little shit! All these years I've been carrying him! Let me look into it.
I'm his executor.
I have access to all these records.
Listen, you were right in what you said in the eulogy - he really was a terrific actor.
He certainly had me convinced.
You dirty, shifty bastard.
Ah, reception.
Spielberg, is it? (Knocks at window) I thought I was very clear - you're on sabbatical.
What do you think you're doing? Just give me a second, will you? Have a look at this.
Where the hell did you get this? Just hang on.
It starts to get interesting around about here.
Small detail you may note - that's not Jack Irish.
Why did you go against my strict orders? Someone in this shithole's got to do the real police work.
And just for the record, I did lie to you before - Jack Irish is a mate.
You can thank me later.
You need to get up here right away.
ORTON: Hey, Linda? That's good.
Feel like attending an epoch-changing cocktail party launching some development on Mindanao the country doesn't need and can't afford? Why? Who's there? Waiters with good booze! A few property developers, some pissed Australian diplomats, and the odd local official having his palm greased.
Sounds like my kind of party.
Is there a dress code? Hello.
Oh, that's me.
And this is my guest, Linda Hillier.
I rang earlier.
Gin and tonic? Yes.
Salamat.
This power plant's close to Lanao del Sur.
That's Hadji Adhib's territory, isn't it? Mmm, it's still a little way off, but JI are there.
(Coughs and puffs) And all the other acronyms - MNLF, NPA, and my personal favourite, MILF.
Orton! Glad to see you dressed for the occasion, mate.
Yes, I thought if I keep my story simple, elegant, work with natural colours and fibres, then I won't look as silly as everyone else here does.
(Laughs) James Cottle, Linda Hillier - international columnist extraordinaire.
Jim.
Good to meet you, love.
Linda speaks nine languages and lectures on particle physics.
I wouldn't believe too much of that.
Never believe anything Orton has to say, darl.
This power plant of yours is very impressive.
Is it coal-powered? No, it runs on cow farts.
(Laughs) This is the Third World, love! Poor people don't have the luxury to wait around for alternative energies.
Their needs are simple - 'Get us out of poverty as quickly, cheaply, and reliably as possible before we die.
' And that's what I'm doing - a multibillion-dollar injection in the economy and work for 1,400 locals.
So, that's yes to coal-powered.
Is it safe building on Mindanao? It's a pretty lawless island, isn't it? Well, tell me where isn't.
The Ukraine? Ethiopia? The entire Middle bloody East? I mean, what would you have us do - cower on a postage stamp somewhere? I don't shape my business model on terrorists.
You know, the best way to fight madmen like Hadji Adhib is to bring this island out of the Dark Ages.
Power means progress.
(Camera clicks) Excuse me.
This is not going to help the Muslims.
Yeah, I noticed.
They're only powering Christian towns.
The old Spanish fort.
Pretty.
Yes.
Linda Hillier, is it? I'm sorry, how do you know my name? You're wearing it.
Oh! Yes.
And yet, you appear to be nameless.
Made quite a name for yourself as a journalist back home, didn't you? So, that's all on my name tag, is it? You were quite the troublemaker in Australia.
Is that why you came here? Who are you again? 'Cause this is a very different country to the one you're used to.
You see, troublemakers, they don't do well here.
Well, I've loved our chat, whoever you are, Mr Anonymous Man in Dark Suit.
Boyd.
Fraser.
And do you work for James Cottle or the Embassy, Fraser, or Boyd, whichever comes first? I'm a private contractor.
Contracted to do what? Um, excuse me, do you mind if I take a photo of you together? See, the thing I like about Cherry Blossom is that she seems very real, sort of genuine.
Mm-hm.
She's got a kind heart, Jack.
You can see by the look in her eyes.
She's like your Linda.
Then when I put my hobbies in, it was snap! It was like we were soulmates.
In fairness, you did also think that about that bloke from the Russian mafia.
Oh, yeah, but I'd be very unlucky to get two scams on the Internet.
Yeah.
Good point.
Good luck, mate.
OK, Jack.
See you later.
(Engine roars, tyres screech) (Man whistles) Jack Irish, you're a nosy bastard.
(Laughs) Seriously, mate, what is that - Marquess of Queensberry? Karate? Let's see how the old leg is working, eh? (Cries out) Give a few more! Get in there! Who is Pier Okant? I don't know! Kick him! Arggh! Arggh! Who's Pier Okant?! I don't know what you're talking about! (Scuffling and shouting) Who's Pier Okant? G'day, mate! Who's Pier Okant?! I don't know what you're talking about! I think you understand, don't you, hey? But just to make sure you do Oh! Arggh! (Laughter) (Gun fires) This is my first and only offering! Piss off, pal.
This is a private matter.
(Gun fires) MAN: Arggh! Maybe I wasn't clear.
Piss off! My bloody foot! Oh, sorry about that.
It must have misfired.
(Dogs bark) (Groans) Bloody king-hit me and pissed all over me! What are you doing here? This is from Harry.
It's a loan to tide you over.
Maybe it'll pay for the dry-cleaning.
Here, take this.
For the walk home, yeah? Yeah.
You right, Jack? Yeah.
Look, I'd drive you home, but I got new upholstery.
SMOOTH JAZZ Now, how do we know who to trust? AUDIENCE: We don't.
We must reach for hope.
MAN: Reach! Reach for hope.
(Applause) For hope is the Lord's shield that we draw around ourselves (Cheering and applause) and trust is our sword.
(Cheering and applause) God! What happened to you? I thought you were the one who didn't like drop-ins.
Oh, I'll go, then.
No, no, I just was wondering why you were here.
Well, I didn't come to apologise.
OK.
Sorry.
Uh, sandwich? We must reach for hope.
AUDIENCE: Reach! Not fall prey to the darkness, to the blackness that eats away at us.
We must reach for hope.
Here, in the loving embrace of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, we are safe! (Cheering and applause) Jesus is in the room tonight.
Can you feel him?! (Cheering and applause) Hallelujah! (Cheering and applause) John 16:33 - 'Take heart, for I have overcome the world.
' MAN: Amen! (Cheering and applause) With hands in the air, we reach for hope! (Cheering and applause) (Band plays) Yeah You messed up two of your Bible quotes.
Where is she? I have no idea where Tina is.
Wrong answer.
You're supposed to say 'the Philippines', aren't you? Well, then, be relieved she hasn't called you.
You should listen to your own sermons, Rob.
You're married to your childhood sweetheart.
With hands in the air We reach for hope With hands up in the air You heard from Tina lately? She sent a text message to her junkie mate last week.
Janene Ballich? What are them numbers? Bank account? Pier Okant.
Tina's missing 'cause of 'em.
Wayne's dead and I'm in hiding.
If there's trouble in my organisation, then I went to root it out.
You're so good at this.
I almost believe you.
What exactly did my father tell you? That you hit someone with a bottle.
Bullshit.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil!