Mr Pickles (2013) s03e02 Episode Script
Momma's Boy
1 Ah, we're here! Legend says these woods are evil the perfect place to sacrifice a kitten.
[MEOWS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, this place is creepy.
I'll be honest.
I only dress dark like this to meet new people.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
OMG! Me too! Then let's go chill at my parent's beach house! Aah! Help! Somebody call the sheriff! Ugh! [WHIMPERS.]
TOMMY: Mr.
Pickles! S03E02 Momma's Boy Morning, Mama! You may eat now, Sheriff.
Yay! Now.
Num-num-num-num.
Yummy! [ZIPPER ZIPS.]
Right, Abigail? I know what's yummy.
There's pudding in that cupboard over there.
[SLAP.]
Aw! - No pudding till after supper! - I'm sorry.
Here, I know how to cheer you up.
- [MOANS.]
- [MOANS.]
Oh, yeah.
You love it when I brush you, don't you, Mama? Mm! - Yes, you do! - Oh, yes.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Why, Mr.
BoJenkins! What's up, man? I was just chilling out, you know.
Just trying to get that pudding.
Ha ha.
Wait.
What are you doing here? Oh.
Uh I was just "pudding" some pipe down up in your mama's bedroom.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Thanks, man.
You're a good friend.
Why don't you stay awhile? Oh, not today, Mama.
I got to go see my Uncle Jimmy.
You're always going to see your Uncle Jimmy.
Hmph! Bye, Mama! - Bye, Mama! - Sheriff I didn't know you were such a mama's boy.
You need to be a man, man! What? I am a "man" man, man! A man can eat whenever he wants.
Really? Sheriff, how 'bout I show you how to be a man? Oh, but leave your doll here.
She's not a doll! She's Abigail.
Ugh.
Yah! Are we going to see your Uncle Jimmy? There's no Uncle Jimmy.
[LAUGHS.]
Yah! Hyah! [LAUGHS.]
Now, there's three things you got to do to be a man.
Step one, have a drink.
Two, get in a fight.
And, three, Sheriff, you ever been with a woman? Oh, yeah, dude.
Ha ha.
Nunh-unh, Sheriff.
- Abigail! - Boy, we got work to do.
- Oh.
- Hey, Sheriff! - Hey, good to see you, Sheriff! - Hi, Sheriff! My man, two whiskeys.
[LAUGHS.]
I've never seen you drink, Sheriff.
I drink sometimes.
Put that in a sippy cup.
You don't sip it, Sheriff.
You shoot it.
Oh, yeah! Ooh Mmm.
Ohh! Oh.
Whoa! I feel good! [LAUGHS.]
Ha ha! Now, on to step two.
No, seriously.
I feel all warm and cozy, like I'm floating in a warm universe of happy liquids all over my wiggly body.
Say what, now? Oh, what's this drink taste like? Whoa! Easy, now, player.
I love you, man.
Oh, all right.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh! - And I love this song! - Uh, Sheriff? Hey, everybody! I'm having fun! [CROWD CHEERS.]
Yeah! Let's boogie-woogie-woogie! Hey! Get your hands off my female Unless you trying to throw down! All right, step two.
Ha ha! You want to fight? Well, let's fight! - Whoa! - Aah! Not that kind of fight, Sheriff! I think it's time you put a plug in that jug.
[SLURRING.]
Don't tell me what to do! Whoa! Everybody just sit down and shut up! Sheriff's got drinking to do.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh-oh.
[GARGLING.]
Look, boy! I found a rectangle.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
JOLENE: I thought you were with your Uncle Jimmy.
Where are you? I want that sausage.
I'm by the River Tavern, and I don't have a sausage.
But I have a pickle you can eat.
[BARKS.]
No! This is for the talking rectangle to eat.
- Hello? Hey! - Hello? SHERIFF: Aah! Bang, bang! [GUNSHOT.]
Sheriff! Bang-bang, bang-bang! Sheriff, be cool, man! - Put the gun down! - No! I'm the sheriff! I'll arrest this whole universe even all the aliens.
Aliens? Sheriff, you drunk.
I'm not drunk! I'm perfectly fine! - Let's get out of here! - No, ladies, don't leave! [CRYING.]
Oh, my God! I better call his mama.
Mm.
Hey.
Where's my - Looking for this? - Uh-oh.
I found your talking rectangle! - Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Sheriff, put some clothes on.
- Mama.
- Oh, no.
Mr.
Blur made me drink.
You think you can sex all of us and lie about going to see your Uncle Jimmy? Ladies, I can explain! Hey.
That's what you told Mama.
Uh So that means you had sex with Mama! Oh! Whoa! Aah! Ohh! - Sheriff! - Sheriff! [LAUGHS.]
Whoa! Hey, come back here! Ohhhhh! Oh! Oh! Aaaahhh! - Ugh! - [GRUNTING.]
Damn, Sheriff! You drank too much.
I didn't mean fight me! Although that was step two.
Shut up! If you're gonna have sex with Mama, you're gonna marry her.
Now, just 'cause you take a hooptie for a test-drive don't mean you got to buy it.
Don't try to change the subject.
I'm talking about Mama! If you were a man, Mama's Boy, we'd never be in this mess.
Well, maybe I don't got to drink, fight, and sex to be a man.
Maybe you're no friend at all.
Just a no-good bozo! Fine.
Let's just go our separate ways.
Good luck in the wild with your doll, Mama's Boy.
She's not a doll! She's Abigail? Abigail! Shut up, Sheriff! No, shut up, Sheriff! - Shut up! - No, you shut up! Seriously, shut up.
Something's out there! [RUSTLING.]
All right, I'm shutting up.
But it's not because you told me to! [BIRD CRIES.]
Aw.
Oh, man! My head hurts! - Shut up.
Shut up.
- Why does my head hurt so bad? Will you Shut up! There's something up in them woods.
It could be cannibals.
Or sexually-confused inbreds or Oh, it's just a bunch of wolves.
Wolves?! [WOLVES GROWLING.]
Oh! Sheriff, we got to man up and fight these wolves! Nah.
You don't got to fight to be a man.
Uh, come get some, wolf bitches! - Oh.
Man.
- Whuh! Ahh! Wa-haa! - [WOLVES GROWLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Aah! Uhh! Uhh! [CRYING.]
Good news! I found Abigail! Not now! They eating me! Aah! Just tell the wolves to stop or you'll arrest them.
Good idea.
Now, listen up, wolves! Oh, great.
I already got your attention.
Huh?! Now, place your paws behind your heads.
[WOLVES SNARLING.]
Hey, the doll! They like the doll! I'm sorry.
Who? [GROANS.]
Abigail.
Thank you very much.
[SNARLING STOPS.]
Now, hi, wolves! My name is Abigail.
I'm a little funny girl.
Look at me walk! Doop-de, doop-de, doop, boop And fly around.
Whee! I can sing a song.
La, la-la, la-la What else can I do? Look, I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
- Yeah, Sheriff! - And now I'm over here.
It's working! And now I'm over here.
[BIRD CRIES.]
And now I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
[SNORING.]
Sheriff, wake up! [WOLVES BARKING.]
Aaaaahhhh! A-A-A-Abigail! Oh! I am never drinking again.
[WHIMPERS.]
Uh-oh.
The mama wolf! Goodbye, Mama's Boy! [GROWLING.]
Uh! Uh! Aaaahhh! Hey, I know how to cheer you up.
See, you are just cranky 'cause of these knots back here.
Oh, yeah.
You like it when I brush you, Mama Wolf.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yes, you do.
- She likes you! I guess being a mama's boy can be pretty handy.
Oh, yeah.
I'm pretty pretty cool.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
- What? - I, uh [LAUGHS.]
What, man? What? I think Mama Wolf likes you a little too much.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you mean? Welcome to step three! [LAUGHS.]
What? Oh, no.
I can't do that.
[WOLVES GROWLING.]
You better go have sex with that wolf, or we're dead! Oh, no.
Oh.
Well, uh nice place you got, I guess.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Look, uh, I don't know about this.
You know, I Oh! You're very assertive.
Oh.
Look, you know, I'm kind of waiting for marriage and Oh.
You want me to take my pants off? [SNARLS.]
Okay.
Don't look.
Oh! Oh.
Uh, okay.
Oh! Um Hey, uh, shouldn't we get to know each other a little first? Hey, what are you doing to my pee-pee? Hey! Aah! Aah! Aah! What's happening? Aah! Oh, can you slow down? Owie, owie, owie, owie! That hurts! [MUFFLED.]
That hurts! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow-ooooohhh! [HOWLS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Ha ha! Sheriff, now you're a man.
[SNARLS.]
Huh? Sorry, babe.
I got to go see my Uncle Jimmy.
[LAUGHS.]
Huh? Uh-oh.
Her man's home.
Only one thing to do in this situation! Run! - Aaaaahhhh! - Aaaaaahh! Oh! [PANTING.]
I guess we outran it.
I don't think that Well, anyway, it's all good, man.
Just be good to Mama.
- Oh, and do me a favor.
- Yeah? Can you not tell anybody I had sex with a wolf? [CHUCKLES.]
Hi, Sheriff! Sheriff, you had sex with a wolf? Aw! Hee! Oh.
It started with a kiss, and then [GROWLS.]
I had to kiss you once again [WHIMPERS.]
[PANTING.]
Hey, uh, I got to be honest.
There is no Uncle Jimmy.
But, look, I'm really not looking for a relationship.
Oh! What are you doing here, Mr.
Pickles? [WHIMPERING.]
What will your mama say When she finds out what we did today? [WOLF HOWLING.]
[DISTORTED.]
What will your mama say
[MEOWS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, this place is creepy.
I'll be honest.
I only dress dark like this to meet new people.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
OMG! Me too! Then let's go chill at my parent's beach house! Aah! Help! Somebody call the sheriff! Ugh! [WHIMPERS.]
TOMMY: Mr.
Pickles! S03E02 Momma's Boy Morning, Mama! You may eat now, Sheriff.
Yay! Now.
Num-num-num-num.
Yummy! [ZIPPER ZIPS.]
Right, Abigail? I know what's yummy.
There's pudding in that cupboard over there.
[SLAP.]
Aw! - No pudding till after supper! - I'm sorry.
Here, I know how to cheer you up.
- [MOANS.]
- [MOANS.]
Oh, yeah.
You love it when I brush you, don't you, Mama? Mm! - Yes, you do! - Oh, yes.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Why, Mr.
BoJenkins! What's up, man? I was just chilling out, you know.
Just trying to get that pudding.
Ha ha.
Wait.
What are you doing here? Oh.
Uh I was just "pudding" some pipe down up in your mama's bedroom.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Thanks, man.
You're a good friend.
Why don't you stay awhile? Oh, not today, Mama.
I got to go see my Uncle Jimmy.
You're always going to see your Uncle Jimmy.
Hmph! Bye, Mama! - Bye, Mama! - Sheriff I didn't know you were such a mama's boy.
You need to be a man, man! What? I am a "man" man, man! A man can eat whenever he wants.
Really? Sheriff, how 'bout I show you how to be a man? Oh, but leave your doll here.
She's not a doll! She's Abigail.
Ugh.
Yah! Are we going to see your Uncle Jimmy? There's no Uncle Jimmy.
[LAUGHS.]
Yah! Hyah! [LAUGHS.]
Now, there's three things you got to do to be a man.
Step one, have a drink.
Two, get in a fight.
And, three, Sheriff, you ever been with a woman? Oh, yeah, dude.
Ha ha.
Nunh-unh, Sheriff.
- Abigail! - Boy, we got work to do.
- Oh.
- Hey, Sheriff! - Hey, good to see you, Sheriff! - Hi, Sheriff! My man, two whiskeys.
[LAUGHS.]
I've never seen you drink, Sheriff.
I drink sometimes.
Put that in a sippy cup.
You don't sip it, Sheriff.
You shoot it.
Oh, yeah! Ooh Mmm.
Ohh! Oh.
Whoa! I feel good! [LAUGHS.]
Ha ha! Now, on to step two.
No, seriously.
I feel all warm and cozy, like I'm floating in a warm universe of happy liquids all over my wiggly body.
Say what, now? Oh, what's this drink taste like? Whoa! Easy, now, player.
I love you, man.
Oh, all right.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh! - And I love this song! - Uh, Sheriff? Hey, everybody! I'm having fun! [CROWD CHEERS.]
Yeah! Let's boogie-woogie-woogie! Hey! Get your hands off my female Unless you trying to throw down! All right, step two.
Ha ha! You want to fight? Well, let's fight! - Whoa! - Aah! Not that kind of fight, Sheriff! I think it's time you put a plug in that jug.
[SLURRING.]
Don't tell me what to do! Whoa! Everybody just sit down and shut up! Sheriff's got drinking to do.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh-oh.
[GARGLING.]
Look, boy! I found a rectangle.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
JOLENE: I thought you were with your Uncle Jimmy.
Where are you? I want that sausage.
I'm by the River Tavern, and I don't have a sausage.
But I have a pickle you can eat.
[BARKS.]
No! This is for the talking rectangle to eat.
- Hello? Hey! - Hello? SHERIFF: Aah! Bang, bang! [GUNSHOT.]
Sheriff! Bang-bang, bang-bang! Sheriff, be cool, man! - Put the gun down! - No! I'm the sheriff! I'll arrest this whole universe even all the aliens.
Aliens? Sheriff, you drunk.
I'm not drunk! I'm perfectly fine! - Let's get out of here! - No, ladies, don't leave! [CRYING.]
Oh, my God! I better call his mama.
Mm.
Hey.
Where's my - Looking for this? - Uh-oh.
I found your talking rectangle! - Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Sheriff, put some clothes on.
- Mama.
- Oh, no.
Mr.
Blur made me drink.
You think you can sex all of us and lie about going to see your Uncle Jimmy? Ladies, I can explain! Hey.
That's what you told Mama.
Uh So that means you had sex with Mama! Oh! Whoa! Aah! Ohh! - Sheriff! - Sheriff! [LAUGHS.]
Whoa! Hey, come back here! Ohhhhh! Oh! Oh! Aaaahhh! - Ugh! - [GRUNTING.]
Damn, Sheriff! You drank too much.
I didn't mean fight me! Although that was step two.
Shut up! If you're gonna have sex with Mama, you're gonna marry her.
Now, just 'cause you take a hooptie for a test-drive don't mean you got to buy it.
Don't try to change the subject.
I'm talking about Mama! If you were a man, Mama's Boy, we'd never be in this mess.
Well, maybe I don't got to drink, fight, and sex to be a man.
Maybe you're no friend at all.
Just a no-good bozo! Fine.
Let's just go our separate ways.
Good luck in the wild with your doll, Mama's Boy.
She's not a doll! She's Abigail? Abigail! Shut up, Sheriff! No, shut up, Sheriff! - Shut up! - No, you shut up! Seriously, shut up.
Something's out there! [RUSTLING.]
All right, I'm shutting up.
But it's not because you told me to! [BIRD CRIES.]
Aw.
Oh, man! My head hurts! - Shut up.
Shut up.
- Why does my head hurt so bad? Will you Shut up! There's something up in them woods.
It could be cannibals.
Or sexually-confused inbreds or Oh, it's just a bunch of wolves.
Wolves?! [WOLVES GROWLING.]
Oh! Sheriff, we got to man up and fight these wolves! Nah.
You don't got to fight to be a man.
Uh, come get some, wolf bitches! - Oh.
Man.
- Whuh! Ahh! Wa-haa! - [WOLVES GROWLING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Aah! Uhh! Uhh! [CRYING.]
Good news! I found Abigail! Not now! They eating me! Aah! Just tell the wolves to stop or you'll arrest them.
Good idea.
Now, listen up, wolves! Oh, great.
I already got your attention.
Huh?! Now, place your paws behind your heads.
[WOLVES SNARLING.]
Hey, the doll! They like the doll! I'm sorry.
Who? [GROANS.]
Abigail.
Thank you very much.
[SNARLING STOPS.]
Now, hi, wolves! My name is Abigail.
I'm a little funny girl.
Look at me walk! Doop-de, doop-de, doop, boop And fly around.
Whee! I can sing a song.
La, la-la, la-la What else can I do? Look, I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
- Yeah, Sheriff! - And now I'm over here.
It's working! And now I'm over here.
[BIRD CRIES.]
And now I'm over here.
And now I'm over here.
[SNORING.]
Sheriff, wake up! [WOLVES BARKING.]
Aaaaahhhh! A-A-A-Abigail! Oh! I am never drinking again.
[WHIMPERS.]
Uh-oh.
The mama wolf! Goodbye, Mama's Boy! [GROWLING.]
Uh! Uh! Aaaahhh! Hey, I know how to cheer you up.
See, you are just cranky 'cause of these knots back here.
Oh, yeah.
You like it when I brush you, Mama Wolf.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yes, you do.
- She likes you! I guess being a mama's boy can be pretty handy.
Oh, yeah.
I'm pretty pretty cool.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
- What? - I, uh [LAUGHS.]
What, man? What? I think Mama Wolf likes you a little too much.
[LAUGHS.]
What do you mean? Welcome to step three! [LAUGHS.]
What? Oh, no.
I can't do that.
[WOLVES GROWLING.]
You better go have sex with that wolf, or we're dead! Oh, no.
Oh.
Well, uh nice place you got, I guess.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Look, uh, I don't know about this.
You know, I Oh! You're very assertive.
Oh.
Look, you know, I'm kind of waiting for marriage and Oh.
You want me to take my pants off? [SNARLS.]
Okay.
Don't look.
Oh! Oh.
Uh, okay.
Oh! Um Hey, uh, shouldn't we get to know each other a little first? Hey, what are you doing to my pee-pee? Hey! Aah! Aah! Aah! What's happening? Aah! Oh, can you slow down? Owie, owie, owie, owie! That hurts! [MUFFLED.]
That hurts! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow-ooooohhh! [HOWLS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Ha ha! Sheriff, now you're a man.
[SNARLS.]
Huh? Sorry, babe.
I got to go see my Uncle Jimmy.
[LAUGHS.]
Huh? Uh-oh.
Her man's home.
Only one thing to do in this situation! Run! - Aaaaahhhh! - Aaaaaahh! Oh! [PANTING.]
I guess we outran it.
I don't think that Well, anyway, it's all good, man.
Just be good to Mama.
- Oh, and do me a favor.
- Yeah? Can you not tell anybody I had sex with a wolf? [CHUCKLES.]
Hi, Sheriff! Sheriff, you had sex with a wolf? Aw! Hee! Oh.
It started with a kiss, and then [GROWLS.]
I had to kiss you once again [WHIMPERS.]
[PANTING.]
Hey, uh, I got to be honest.
There is no Uncle Jimmy.
But, look, I'm really not looking for a relationship.
Oh! What are you doing here, Mr.
Pickles? [WHIMPERING.]
What will your mama say When she finds out what we did today? [WOLF HOWLING.]
[DISTORTED.]
What will your mama say