Nathan For You (2013) s03e02 Episode Script

1 - My name is Nathan Fielder, and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades.
Now I'm using my knowledge to help struggling small business owners make it in this competitive world.
This is "Nathan for You.
" There's nothing more fun than sitting on an animal that's bigger than you and riding it around, which is why Joy Lazarus of Park Place Stable in Malibu, California, has made a business out of charging people to do just that, unless, of course, you're overweight.
- We don't want to injure our horses, and that's what it really comes down to, so, you know, we're not gonna allow a 400-pound person to ride.
- But unlike Joy, I believe that everyone should be able to mount a horse, so I paid her a visit with a way to help.
You know, it's nice to think about your horses and all, but humans have feelings too.
- I don't want to reject anybody, but there's you know, there's there's nothing I can do.
- Right now, the heaviest load a horse can carry is 220 pounds, and if Joy allowed riders above that weight to mount a horse, there's a big risk the animal will buckle and suffer severe or even fatal injuries.
[gunshot, bell rings.]
But if plus-sized customers could have their weight offset by being tied to helium-filled weather balloons, Joy would be able to expand her customer base to a totally unserved market.
- So, um, you want to put balloons on a person? - Correct.
- Okay.
- Sometimes it's not about, you know, only making money.
It's about doing what's right.
Imagine if you were the only place that could provide horsey rides for the, uh, morbidly obese.
- But I don't, I mean - I don't want you to end up on the wrong side of history with this one.
- Okay.
- Joy was in, so the next morning, I ordered some weather balloons online and amassed a stockpile of helium to conduct a preliminary weight test.
I discovered that each helium-filled balloon I attached to me would reduce my weight by 20 pounds, so it was a simple matter of adding more until each customer was below the weight limit, but I still had to factor in the harsh conditions of the trail.
You see, when Joy took me along the route earlier, I noticed there were two things that could compromise the balloons, the sharp branches that hung over the trails and the razor-beaked birds that were in the sky.
If either one of them came in contact with our balloons, the result would be disastrous.
With a horse's life at stake, I wasn't gonna take any chances, so I came up with the idea of having two pizza-paddle-like branch blockers that would protect the balloons from any punctures.
Nice.
This would work well for the trees, but unlike branches, birds are a moving target that would require a more precise approach.
So I paid a visit to a local gun shop to see if there were any nonlethal ways to incapacitate a bird.
I'm looking for a gun that will, like, stun a bird but not kill it.
- Doesn't exist.
Odds are, you're gonna kill it or cripple it.
- I didn't want to kill a bird, so I explained my entire plan to the clerk to see if he had any other ideas, but that's when his mood soured.
- You want to suspend people with helium balloons so that it alleviates the weight of them on the back of a horse.
- Yes.
- [sighs.]
I do not believe in this in this "hug the world" scenario that you're describing where everybody has a right to do everything just because they want to.
- I disagree.
I think anyone should be able to do anything.
- I do not have a "bubble gum and sunshine" view of the world.
- Uh-oh! Uh-oh! If people don't suffer for their own stupidity, nobody learns.
- What was that sound? - Sorry, that was my - Oh.
Cell phone telling me there's a message.
Let me put that on forgot to put that on silent.
- It says "uh-oh" like that every time? - Every time I get a message.
- Do you have an option of what it says? - Yeah.
- And you chose that? - Yep.
- It was clear this guy wasn't gonna help me find a way to protect my balloons from birds, but that's when it occurred to me that I might be able to adapt a tool that farmers had been using on the ground for years to the sky.
A flying scarecrow.
It was the nonviolent solution I was looking for.
So, with everything I needed, I could now head back to Park Place Stable to put my idea to the test.
I had found an overweight man named Heath who was willing to try out my concept.
And after doing an official weigh-in I calculated it would take exactly three balloons to bring him under the weight limit.
But as he started getting strapped in, I noticed that two other customers who had been booked for the same ride were looking at Heath and snickering.
I had already explained to them that we were accommodating an overweight customer, so this behavior was completely inappropriate.
So, before we headed out, I decided to give them a talk.
Can I ask what's funny about what we're doing here? - There's three massive balloons ha attached to a man.
Right there.
- I mean, this is the only way he can ride a horse.
Would you laugh at a wheelchair? I mean, that's a medical device he's wearing.
- Okay.
You're 100% right.
- Right.
Just because he's a larger man and hooked up to giant helium balloons - [giggles.]
- It doesn't mean excuse me? - It's not funny at all.
- Right.
'Cause if I see either of you so much as smirk from this point forward, your ride is over.
Got it? - Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
- With the normal riders promising to be respectful and Heath now weighing in below the 220-pound limit How does it feel? - Good.
Feels good.
- Do you feel lighter? - Yeah, I feel light.
I feel good.
- It was finally time for everyone to saddle up, so the ride could begin.
Great.
And I watched as, for the first time in history, a plus-sized man was able to ride a horse.
[inspirational music.]
With my branch blockers trailing close behind and the flying scarecrow overhead, I felt that we were ready for anything Mother Nature could throw at us.
And it wasn't long until my balloon protection system was put to the test as my branch-blocking team raced into position to guide Heath through a narrow clearing - You're good to go.
- And all we could do now was pray.
The system worked flawlessly, and for the rest of the trail, tree after tree, my team was able to keep the delicate balloons intact, making the ride a success.
And as the evening fog rolled in over the Malibu Hills, I couldn't help but feel like it might just be the white breath of God, opening his mouth to say, "Nice work.
" So I met up with Joy to congratulate her on making history.
It's a big moment, right? - I guess, yeah.
- Because of you, overweight people all over the world can now ride horseys.
I mean, this is how you'll be remembered when you die.
- I'm not sure about that one, but I hope I'm remembered for the World Championships that I won, to be honest with you, not for doing these balloons.
- You should be proud of this achievement, Joy.
- I am extremely proud of this achievement.
- This is a good thing to be remembered by.
- Well, you know, there are a lot of things that and my that I that I hope to be known for, especially horses and maybe, you know, for my dogs, and, you know, I did photography too, and - No offense, I don't think anyone's gonna remember you for that.
- Hard to say.
[chuckles.]
- Well, a legacy isn't always something you get to choose, and I truly believe that this, and only this, will be your legacy.
And there is nothing more to discuss about it.
- If you're a regular viewer of the show, you've probably noticed that I have a keen sense of style that's both professional and approachable.
But I recently discovered that by wearing one of my signature articles of clothing, I may have unintentionally committed a hate crime against the Jewish people.
And that's not good.
My favorite jacket for the last decade has been a windbreaker made by Taiga, a popular outerwear company based out of my hometown of Vancouver, BC.
I love the jacket so much that I've worn it in nearly every episode of my show, so you can imagine my horror when I recently discovered that Taiga had published a tribute to notorious Holocaust denier Doug Collins in their winter catalog amongst a selection of fleece socks and balaclavas.
When asked for comment by a Jewish newspaper, the company refused to explain their actions.
My dad, who is also a longtime fan of the German-engineered windbreaker, was actually shamed by a member of his synagogue for wearing the coat.
- I think he wanted me to rip the Taiga label off.
He was really quite incensed.
- And he had strong feelings about me wearing it on TV.
- I don't think you should promote a business that's anti-Semitic.
- It was clear I could never wear my Taiga jacket again, but in searching for a replacement, I realized I couldn't be sure any of these other brands weren't hiding dark secrets as well, so I decided the only way to be safe was to start a jacket company of my own.
So, after coming up with a cool name, Summit Ice, I had a custom softshell jacket designed to my specifications.
To undo the damage I'd done, I needed my brand to stand for something, so I created a website to help launch Summit Ice as the first outdoor apparel company to openly promote the true story of the Holocaust.
It was important to me that every single person involved in the brand, down to the model I hired for product shots, shared in the company's core beliefs.
6 million Jews died in the Holocaust, approximately.
- Okay.
- So how many Jews died, then, in the Holocaust? - 6 million.
- Okay.
Great.
- Cool.
- Let's sell some jackets.
- Okay.
- With a team free of Holocaust deniers and professional photos that made the jacket look really cool, I had nearly everything I needed to begin marketing my softshell jackets to the world.
But for this brand to have credibility, I'd need the support of a Jewish leader.
So I arranged a meeting with L.
A.
-based rabbi Shalom Denbo and showed him my business plan and marketing materials to get his guidance on how to convey the core values of Summit Ice.
- See, "deny nothing," okay, you're not focusing on something specific.
- "Deny nothing" is too ambiguous? - Yeah, you probably want to have some image that immediately focuses the viewer on, "There's something more than just a jacket.
" Perhaps an image that immediately identifies with the Holocaust.
An armband.
- Right.
- A swastika.
- They should see images of that? - Yeah, the ovens, the the gas chambers, the pits where they lined them up to shoot them before the gas chambers.
- But we're trying to sell jackets too, right? - Yeah.
You need to see images to know, you can't go through life with your head in the sand.
These things are real.
They happen.
- Rabbi Denbo suggested having some sort of physical retail display that could include educational materials for consumers, so I reached out to a local outdoor store whose manager seemed interested in carrying our brand.
Just so you know, uh, our company's a strong supporter of, uh, Holocaust awareness education.
- Oh, neat, I didn't know that.
That's cool.
- Just wanted to make sure it's something you're comfortable with, cool with.
- Oh, for sure, yeah.
- All right.
Cool.
- Yeah.
Absolutely.
- With the manager intrigued, we set up a time for him to see our display later that week.
So we'll check back with this in a bit.
But first: Susan Kim is the owner of Elizabeth Albert, a boutique that sells some of the top women's fashions on the Burbank strip.
But lately, she's noticed that sales have taken a dip.
- People are buying less, or they're really tightening their belt.
- It could be because, in a neighborhood populated largely by young couples, Susan was forgetting all about the men.
So I paid her a visit with a way to keep couples happy in her store.
To be honest with you, as a guy, this store is pretty boring.
- 'Cause it's a women's store.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
- So, if I came in here with my girlfriend, hypothetically speaking - Mm-hmm.
- I don't have a have a girlfriend um, but you know, I think I'd be nagging her to leave.
- 'Cause men don't like to spend time in a women's clothing store anyway.
- Until now.
You see, when a guy has nothing to do, the woman he's with feels a psychological pressure to leave, which will often keep her from staying longer and buying more stuff.
A dedicated Man Zone where guys can chill and relax while the women shop.
- That's sure, that makes sense.
- I mean, trust me, I know guys.
All we need is a beer in our hand and a bro by our side, and we are out of the way.
- I never I've, in fact, never heard any guy saying that.
"If I had a brew and a bro, I'm fine.
" - I totally hear you, but leave it to me for the guy stuff.
Trust me.
- Okay.
- Susan was on board, and we decided that her back storage area would be the perfect spot for the new Man Zone.
So the next day, I had my team bring in all the essentials to make this room the ultimate hangout den for guys.
And once everything was in its place, all we had to do was wait for the first couple to come in to see if my Man Zone would work.
Just so you guys know, Elizabeth Albert has a dedicated Man Zone, so that means while the lady shops, you have a place you can hang out that's both comfortable and geared towards your masculine needs.
[both laugh.]
So, if you wanna come hang out there and let give her time to shop You want? It's up to you.
- You do that, okay? - Yeah.
- Don't leave this, uh, bro hangin', dawg.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah.
- Great, and we'll be having fun in there, so take as much time as you need.
- All right, thank you.
- Yeah, no problem.
I knew it wouldn't be too much of a challenge to lure guys into the Zone, and once they saw it had everything a guy could want, I was hopeful they wouldn't want to leave.
Free at last, free at last, huh? I mean, do you feel free? - Yeah.
- Things were off to a good start.
The guy's girlfriend was leisurely shopping, while back in the Zone You know what I feel like? A mother-effin' beer.
It was just boys being boys Nice catch.
Just two dudes doing what guys do best Crack that shit.
Hanging out, grabbing a brewski, and watching royalty-free football.
Oh, yeah.
Tampa Bay Bandits versus Houston Gamblers.
Enjoy.
Big tackle coming.
There we go.
I thought he was having a good time, but then, something bad happened.
- I'ma go.
I'ma head out.
- Okay.
The guy decided to leave the Zone and go back to his girlfriend after only four minutes.
And even worse, moments later, they left the shop entirely.
This was not what I had promised Susan.
I worried that if I lost another guy that quickly, there would be no winning her back.
So when the next couple came in, I had to somehow figure out a way to keep the guy chilling for longer, or else my Man Zone didn't stand a chance.
- You know what I feel like? - Oh, yeah? - A mother-effin' beer.
Oop.
Sorry.
Just meant to do a little move.
- Okay.
Oh, cool.
- There you go, man.
- I appreciate it, bro.
- Enjoy.
So far, things were working out with my second guy - That's not good.
- Gotta let it set.
As he was relaxed and enjoying his beer.
But when I put on football again, for some reason, this guy wasn't into it either.
Great touchdown celebration coming up.
Love that celebration.
Just a few minutes in, I could tell I was losing him quick.
And with his girlfriend just starting to shop, I desperately needed to turn things around.
But that's when I realized I hadn't yet bro'd down about the one thing that's on every guy's mind.
You know what I like more than anything? - What? - Sex.
- Se oh, yeah.
Hell yeah, man.
You can never get too much sex, man.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Never too much sex, bro.
Oh, yeah.
- Definitely, definitely.
- Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- What's your favorite, uh, posish? - From the back.
- Hmm? - From the back, yeah.
From behind, yeah.
- Oh, nice.
- Straight damage, bro.
- Mine's missionary.
- Missionary? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Guy on top, girl on the bottom.
- There you go.
Nothing's wrong with that, man.
Nothing's wrong with that.
- The sex talk was working, and the guy was loving every minute of it.
Bareback or use a condom? - Oh, bareback, man.
I love the feeling.
- Only way.
- All the way, bro.
- Only way.
- Only way.
- It feels much so much better without a condom, you know what I mean? - Aw, hell, definitely, dude.
- It's like so much stuff these days, it's like, "Oh, you gotta use protection," all this stuff.
- Absolutely, absolutely.
- But, like, whatever.
You pull out, you're fine, right? - Absolute as long as you pull out, man.
- As long as you pull out.
- That's the key.
- Gotta pull out.
- Have to pull out, bro.
You have to.
- Sometimes I get close.
You know what I mean? - Oh, yeah, like, "Whoo!" Almost got me right there! - Sometimes I get real close! [both laugh.]
Yeah! - Exactly, bro.
- Yeah.
I did it.
As long as we were talking about sex, this guy wasn't going anywhere, and best of all, his girlfriend had time to browse every section of the store without interruption.
- From behind, that's that's pretty much I just like to see everything, man, you know.
You can't can't go wrong with that.
- The guy stayed in the Man Zone for a full 17 minutes before leaving, and victory had never tasted so sweet.
- Drinking a beer.
- Yeah! - And even though women may never really understand what guys need - Why are you drinking beer? - Well, that's what guys do when they're alone.
- I don't care what they do when they're alone.
She left because he was in there drinking beer.
- The only thing that really mattered is that Elizabeth Albert now had a place where guys could be themselves.
- There have been times in my life when I was able to ejaculate in another position, but especially as I've gotten older and fatter, it's pretty much the only position that works for me.
- That makes sense.
- The day had finally arrived to pitch Summit Ice to the manager of Adventure 16, so I had my team come in early to set up an impressive display under the supervision of Rabbi Denbo.
I was a little hesitant about some of the design elements, but it was crucial that I follow the rabbi's guidance for such a sensitive subject matter.
- And the mannequins kinda stationed so that they are the bookends.
- Right.
And before long, he felt like it was ready to be unveiled.
- Definitely makes a statement.
- Yeah, definitely.
- Definitely makes a statement.
- Okay, I mean, I'm I want to follow your lead on this.
- Yeah, my only thing is just that that creates just a level of uncomfort within me, and perhaps that's a good thing.
- So with the rabbi's blessing, it was time to bring in Eric the manager to show him what Summit Ice was all about.
- Um A little bit much for a [sighs.]
I think that this mash-up of retail and history, it is a train wreck.
I I, um - Eric wasn't nearly as enthused as I had hoped, so I brought in Rabbi Denbo to help explain our intentions more clearly.
- Look, people go through life with their head in the sand.
Nobody wants to stand up against evil.
And you know what? People deny the Holocaust because they don't want to say that evil exists.
And we need to let people know that.
- Oh, my God, this is so riddled with issues.
You really think the Holocaust deniers are the big softshell buyers? - The proceeds go to support Holocaust awareness education.
- This is a retail store, and you don't learn about the darkest moments of history in a retail store.
- I beg to differ.
The Gap had a whole campaign to make people aware of breast cancer, so I don't think there's a problem in - It was actually AIDS.
- AIDS, sorry, thank you.
- The RED campaign.
- I have no faith in your competence in this business.
I have no faith in your judgment whatsoever.
The only thing I know about your judgment is that it's doesn't exist.
- Well, I was I was kinda taking his lead.
- Um well I'll let you get away with a certain amount of liberty in saying my lead, but the idea wasn't mine, Nathan.
- Well, not for the jacket - The idea was yours.
- But for the display.
- No for the display.
The display I don't have a problem with the display.
- Our sales presentation didn't go well, and Eric said he wasn't interested in carrying my product.
- Find something else to do with your life, because you're not good at this, and you do not understand the dynamics of people's emotions and what offends them.
- It was a huge blow, and I began to wonder if my line of softshell jackets would ever take off.
But at least I could be proud knowing that the people who matter to me most could now walk the streets of Vancouver with their heads held high.
- Summit Ice! - What do you think, huh? - I love everything about it.
A lot of zippers.
Zippers are very important to me.
Yeah, 'cause all my change falls out, and, you know, I need stuff in there.
Yeah, look at this, you can loosen the sleeves too, or - This is day one Turn the music on Hear the drummers drum Reach up good and high So alive This is day one, one, one This is day one, one, one - Summit Ice.
Deny nothing.