Party Down s03e02 Episode Script

1
So, uh,
the house appears empty, right?
Jack thinks you're out of town.
- Suspecting nothing, he enters.
- Mm-hmm.
Right? And then
Boom.
People, right? Surprise, right?
And then we pull
- Happy birthday--
- Forty-fifth.
- Forty-fifth, Jack, yes?
- Jack, uh-huh.
And then we press play
Boogie fever ♪
- This one, right?
- Okay.
And that is our cue
to circulate
with our custom, made-to-order
birthday cake bites.
We have a new chef,
cutting-edge.
You're gonna love it.
Uh, speaking of circulating,
does this need to be here?
Y-yes. It's the gift.
- Oh.
- It's a karaoke machine.
Karaoke. In your house?
- Hmm.
- That's allowed?
I love karaoke.
Oh, I'm not a fan,
which is ironic,
'cause now Jack will want
to do karaoke parties
all the time.
Ah
I'll have to give him my card.
Okay.
Guests should arrive soon.
Oh, if you have any questions,
I'm just putting these
in my office.
And if staff could stick
to party areas.
- Thank you.
- Uh, clients' private,
non-party spaces
are strictly off-limits, okay?
Party Down policy number one.
Top of the list. Henry.
- Yep.
- Off-limits.
Right.
Jesus.
Oh, Henry.
Congrats
on finalizing the divorce.
Bet you're gonna party tonight.
Yeah, six-packs and YouTubes.
Fall asleep in a chair.
Well, you must be happy
that they changed
the blatantly misandristic
alimony laws.
Mm, actually, I still pay.
She makes less than I do, so
Less than a teacher?
What does she do?
Is she a shoeshine
at the bus station?
Wait a minute.
You have to pay alimony?
With what?
You're, like, a teacher, right?
Yes, that is why
I am moonlighting.
Oh, moonlighting.
Yes, man,
I haven't done that
since they canceled
Burning Man.
So if you dropped your tab
at moonrise,
you're due for a Molly,
like, now.
How's your headspace?
Moonlighting
as in working a side job
for extra money.
That's a term?
But it's day.
Oh, actually,
you go with the grain.
- The what?
- The limes?
- I got this. Watch.
- Oh.
See, this is why
I am back catering.
I got a callback for a CW show.
Character works in a club,
so I thought I'd keep a foot
in food service
for my sense memory.
See, I go in immersed
in my character's lived truth,
dude, I am gonna stand out.
As one of the few actors in LA
who's ever worked
in food service.
- You get it.
- Okay. All right, all right.
Doing limes.
And we are T-minus 15 minutes.
Dude, have you seen this house?
There is a bathroom upstairs
that is
the most amazing bathroom
I have ever seen in my life.
There is a drinking fountain
in the toilet.
- The mirrors are everywhere--
- Okay.
Everybody, my God, okay?
Clients' private,
non-party spaces are
what?
Give it to me.
Sackson,
I know you know this policy.
I know you know this policy
'cause I told you about
this policy a million times.
What is number one?
- Pee?
- No.
Stay out.
Stay out is the policy.
Stay out is the policy.
Anyway, uh, as you may know,
Chef Hans has been fired.
- Chef Hans?
- Yeah.
That guy was cool.
Well, he was stealing booze.
Wait, you can get fired
for that?
It's actually pretty standard.
He was stealing a lot of booze.
And also, he said he was cool
and cutting-edge,
and he wasn't, you know,
and I want this party
to be cutting-edge.
Ah, right on cue!
Ladies and gentlemen,
everybody,
this is our new chef,
Lucy Dang,
with our made-to-order
custom cake bites, huh?
Wow, look at those.
Those are cool.
Hell yeah.
It's cake time with Sacks.
Mmm
What's in these?
Basic sheet cake
done in an on-sale,
store-bought style
with a center
of ripened Camembert.
- W-w-wait, what?
- Mm.
You get an innocent,
childlike sweetness up front,
followed by an earthy whiff
of decay.
Why?
It's a rumination on mortality.
Rumination on mortality?
It-it's cake.
Birthday cake.
What?
You said in the interview,
"I want 'the new foods,
cutting-edge d'oeuvres.'"
Yes, yes, like--
y-you know, like new shapes.
Look, this is
an important event for me
business-wise, and I'd rather
the guests not be thinking
of death.
Not just death.
It's more, "Life is finite.
How have I used this time?"
I am feeling like I wish
I had said, "I love you,"
to my nana more.
- Yes!
- No. Throw them out.
Throw them out now,
and then make new ones, okay?
You have time. I will stall.
Okay, so not cutting-edge?
You just want basic-ass,
boring shit for normies?
No, cutting-edge
but in the form of shapes
and stuff.
Okay?
I see how it is.
Lucy.
So, uh, moving on, uh,
as I said, clients' private,
non-party spaces--
Oh, fu--
so it's time once again
to hear from our investor,
Constance,
who, as you know, insists
on us doing this
bullshit.
Shit.
- Hey!
- No, I asked
for my egg
under the hollandaise sauce
and the bacon on top!
Uh, you know, Constance,
if you're busy,
we could do this another time.
No, no, no, Ron, no.
No, no, no.
And as your partner,
I am always there for you.
M-more like investor.
I'm sorry
I can't be there in person,
but I am with you on-screen.
Let's start with our look within.
Everybody close your eyes.
We want to bring our hands
She's out of town. Relax.
and focus on the energy.
- Mm, baby!
- What the fuck?
Whoa-ho,
and that is Jack Botty.
Oh, whoa. Okay, shit.
Uh
what's going on?
always has 20
Ron Donald,
Party Down Catering,
and we are here for--
um, I cannot say.
Shit. Your surprise 45th.
It's today.
I got an invitation.
Jesus Christ.
Why didn't you say something?
Well, because you said Evie
was out of town,
- so I assumed it was canceled.
- Fuck.
Uh, she's in the living room,
um,
and guests are coming,
like, now.
Oh, that's great. Okay, cool.
Uh, great!
Listen, I'm gonna
go around the f--
I'm gonna go around the front,
okay?
I'm gonna come
in the front door.
I'm gonna be surprised.
And we're gonna have
a great party.
Okay.
I'm gonna ask you to keep this
under your hat,
though, okay?
What this is,
you never saw me.
You never saw this.
No, no, no,
you can't come with me.
Just go hide somewhere.
- Come in later.
- Okay.
Okay, you heard the man.
You never saw him.
Like, now or ever?
Surprise!
Oh, man.
You got it. Good one.
Oh, man!
You should've seen
the look on his face.
He really looked surprised.
I--o-o-o-okay, okay,
I-I-I know that thing
that happened earlier
was a little bit awkward.
I think it's
at least medium awkward.
Look, look,
this is a big opportunity.
You see how classy
this place is,
these classy people?
I want more of that.
So can we just do our jobs?
And don't rock the boat, okay?
That-that song was our cue,
so let's go.
Come on, let's go. Yeah.
- Yay.
- Great, let's do it.
Lucy Dang. Great.
Thank--
Yeah, cut the cucumber.
That's the job. That's the job.
and on the count of three,
we will open our eyes,
fully cleansed
for a great event.
One, two, three.
Hey, kid.
You okay?
Yeah, I mean, I
guess I'm just wrestling
with a slight dilemma.
Ooh. Dilemma, huh?
Have you ever had the chance
to do something big,
like, change-your-life big,
but it's against the rules?
Mm, actually, Jiminy
Sackson.
let me tell you a story.
It's 1983,
and the talk of the town
is the title sequence
for the movie Hardbodies.
Everybody wants in.
I couldn't even
get an audition.
So I dressed up
like a waitress,
I snuck into the producer's
country club,
and I surprised him at lunch
with my résumé,
my headshot, and extra charm.
And I got that audition.
So chase your dreams, Sanklin,
even if you have
to break a few rules.
- Did you get the part?
- No, I did not.
I lost it to Deb Hamming.
It happened a lot.
She looked just like me,
but she had
slightly bigger boobs.
But I was not gonna
let the rules
get between me and my dream.
What rules, exactly?
The day of the shoot,
Nels, my drug dealer, and I
dressed up as cops,
and we arrested Deb
for possession
of one kilo of cocaine
that Nels had planted
in her car.
Then we handcuffed her
to a radiator
in a warehouse downtown
while I took her ID
and sashayed
right onto the set.
Isn't that, like, a crime?
I don't know. I'm not a lawyer.
But what are laws anyway
but basically rules?
Well, you made it
in the movie, right?
No, no, I had never worn a pair
of roller skates in my life.
So take one, I skated
right off the end of a pier.
Anyway, what do you wanna do?
Okay, so Ron said we have
to stay out of private spaces,
but there's a bathroom here
with mirrors on either side,
and I was like,
if I did the Chumble
to the new Mo Dip single
and you could see it
in both mirrors,
like, this could be
game-changing for me.
What is your career?
- Content.
- What?
Like, web videos and stuff.
Computer things
with your telephone?
Yeah.
Well, then maybe
you should stick to the rules.
What happened
to "chase that dream"?
Well, I thought you were
talking about a real dream,
like actor or something.
Here's my story.
I've been fired
from every job I ever had.
Is that the whole story?
I'm not a storyteller.
My medium is food.
The point is
a true artist
is breaking the rules
all the time.
Whoa, you're kidding.
Hey, what's up? How you doing?
Happy birthday to you ♪
Evie, relax. It's going great.
It's just a big step.
I've never thrown him
a party before.
He's a parties guy.
He's particular about parties.
- This is what I need.
- Okay.
- Thank you very much.
- My pleasure.
You know who he looks like?
- Who?
- "Are we having fun yet?"
You remember that?
It is you.
We met last year.
- Evie.
- Right. Henry.
I didn't know
you were a bartender.
Teacher, but I got divorced
and needed a side hustle,
so it was either this
or escort work.
I could see you being popular
with neglected
Bel Air housewives.
I get attached easily.
This is less messy emotionally.
Well, I'm sorry to hear it.
That sounds rough.
I guess we finally know
the answer to the question
- Hmm.
- "Are we having fun yet?"
The answer's no.
- Too soon?
- No, the opposite.
That me hasn't existed
for years.
So you don't act anymore
at all?
Only when I say, "My pleasure,"
as I hand people drinks.
That was an act?
It wasn't your pleasure?
- I felt nothing.
- Hmm.
Shame you quit. You're good.
Can you believe it?
Karaoke in your own house.
It's allowed.
Oh, the party's going great,
huh?
Yeah. Do you think we're gonna
see the cake bite things or
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
coming up any minute.
- any of the--
- Yep.
Hey, my little
secret party planner.
- Hi, baby.
- Hey!
Mwah!
Tell me,
were you really surprised?
Yeah, the karaoke machine's
a beast.
- You heard it?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's incredible.
- The sound quality's amazing.
- Good.
- Let's get you on the mic.
- No.
- No? No?
- No.
- Come on.
- No.
Not my jam.
It's not my thing, honey.
One song, baby.
Come on.
Remember what
we're not gonna rock.
Your body?
The boat, Henry,
the boat.
Happy birthday, Jack!
John over there.
- Hey.
- Oh! Thanks, Lyle.
Yeah, hey, it's a bummer
you got canceled, man.
It'd have been fun
having you in the extended U.
Yeah. Only slightly canceled.
Just here researching a role.
Happy birthday, Jack Botty ♪
Lydia Dunfree.
Uh, did I miss the surprise?
Yeah, it was the first thing
that happened.
Oh, rats.
You know,
I hate being surprised,
but I love seeing someone else
get surprised.
It's like when you see someone
get eaten by a shark
and you're like, "Yay, not me."
Anyway, Escapade loved
working with you
on Infinity Sticks and was
thrilled to be invited,
but she didn't feel well,
so she asked her manager
to deliver her best wishes
and this gift basket.
- It's a really good one.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- Nice. Thank you!
- Thank you for coming.
Did you guys--I want--hmm.
Hey, uh, that's a bummer
Escapade's sick.
She's not.
Sick in the head, maybe.
- Oof.
- I don't know.
Since her big breakthrough,
she's just got gotten so moody.
Oh.
Well, probably just
adolescent girl brain.
- Yeah.
- They're crazy at this age.
Right?
Isn't she, like, 23?
Yes.
I don't know what's going on.
I mean, this has been her dream
ever since she was little.
- And now she's gone all weird.
- Hmm.
I'm afraid she's gonna fire me.
No. After all you've done?
No way.
The other day on her phone,
I saw a missed call
from Ted Fine.
Ooh.
Arguably the top manager
in the business.
Yeah.
I mean,
he's a seasoned veteran.
If he gets his claws into her,
I'm fucked.
Oof.
- How are you?
- Oh--
Oh, I forgot. Canceled.
You're a waiter again.
Yeah, uh, just to do
a little sense memory
for my callback
for the Lost Boys reboot.
Oh, must be so fun to be back
slinging d'oeuvres
with the old gang.
Is it?
Mm-mm. No. No, it sucks.
Aw.
Another spoon broke, Ron.
This cheap shit
just doesn't cut it.
- What's that?
- Oh, new business cards.
You always gotta be prepared.
Jack loves parties.
Can you imagine,
me hanging out with Jack Botty,
Liam Neeson, Don Cheadle?
No. Why is it big?
Why is it--
that's the style now, you know?
And I got a great deal
on these.
Two thousand for two grand.
You paid two grand for those?
Yeah. Can you believe that?
No.
Uh, Ron,
do you sleep in the van?
What? No.
W-why do you ask that?
There's a little bed in there.
Yes, for power naps.
I take power naps.
I--
I don't live in a van, okay?
I'm a business owner.
You smell like a guy
who lives in a van.
Thanks!
Mm. The stinkier,
the better, right?
Yeah, I've always been
a foodie.
You know, they say I have
an adventuresome palate.
Oh, you're totally
ignoring Ron
and fitting right in.
Ron is such a fuckin' normie,
right?
Mmm.
No, I get it.
I think it's good.
Oh, my God.
If you think it's good,
you don't get it.
Wait, I'm not supposed
to like it?
Everyone is so stuck
on this idea
of food being good,
this whole taste and flavor
bullshit.
What you're supposed to do
is experience it,
engage with it,
grapple with it,
wrestle with it.
Food is art.
It should change
the way you think and feel.
Like Rilke's poem--it says,
"You must change your life."
Mm-hmm.
Totally.
No, I'm-I'm getting that.
You don't get it.
Nope.
Oh, hey, Henry.
Uh- uh, all good at the bar?
Yeah. So far, pretty good.
Yeah, good, good, good, yeah.
Great. All right.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
Henry,
can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Just come here.
Fuck. Come here.
Do I smell?
Uh, what do you mean, Ron?
You know I had a hard time
during lockdown, right?
I mean, it was a year
with no events.
- Yeah.
- Right?
I was living in the van--
You lived in the van?
I took any gig.
Secret weddings,
illegal poker tournaments,
goth raves,
unpermitted underground brises,
anything
to keep Party Down afloat.
I got COVID four times.
Ron, holy shit.
Which is fine. You know me.
I'm all about the grind.
Right? But I do now have
no sense of smell.
- What?
- Which is fine.
I mean,
at this point in my life,
I've pretty much
smelled it all.
But I can't blow this.
Fancy people will not hire you
for their fancy parties
if you smell.
So I'm asking you
as your boss
and as your friend
do I
smell?
Ah, look at that.
- Honestly, um
- Mm?
Kind of, yeah.
Sorry.
What in the hell, Sackson?
What did I tell you?
You can't--
What is this circle?
Ron, I'm--uh, I'm sorry.
- I, uh--I just--
- You just what?
I mean, I went over this
a thousand times.
Non-party spaces off-limits!
My God!
This is such an RDD,
I can't even tell you--
- A what?
- An RD--get--
uh, what are you
still doing here?
- Get out! Pack it up!
- I'm sorry. I got confused.
How? I mean, the policy's
crystal clear, Sackson!
I don't know.
Keep out of clients'
non-party spaces!
Oh, my God.
Appreciate it. Thank you.
Yeah.
Ah, what's
Tandy Lehman doing here?
Oh, she was Lady Snakes
in the last Max America movie.
Hi.
I was hiding in a bush.
Okay.
Jack! Happy birthday!
Hi, Evie!
Whoa.
I'd heard she was pretty wild,
but--
You know, we just caught her
fooling around with Jack
before the party.
Gosh. I don't get it.
I mean,
she's had this nice career
for as long as I can remember.
I think that's part of it.
You know,
the whole child actor thing.
What thing?
Well, you know
how some child actors
end up kind of messed up?
That's a thing?
Since when?
Since whenever.
You know, like Judy Garland?
Judy Garland?
But she always seemed so happy,
singing and dancing around.
Oh, yeah, that was all an act.
She had major issues.
So a kid gets to live out
their actual dream
and that screws them up?
- How?
- I don't know, but it does.
I mean, the whole reason
Haley Joel Osment grew a beard
is 'cause he shot himself
in the face with a pellet gun,
high on K,
trying to rob a Chipotle.
Wait, I saw Haley last month
up close.
His face was normal.
Okay, well,
a different former child actor.
But still
it's a thing.
Scuse me!
Coming through.
Oop! Where's the bathroom?
Oh.
Uh, how--
I--
Oh, uh
it's, uh--it's off-limits
back there.
Did you take a shower in there?
What?
No.
Oh, God.
Henry, how about now?
The smell.
Wow. Uh, very nice, actually.
Yeah, okay.
We're back on track.
Now I just wait for the right
moment and I give him my
card.
- Why is it big like that?
- What? It's fine.
It's fine.
What, did he take a shower
or something?
He might have, yeah.
I don't know
what you're worried about.
Clearly, he loves it.
No, I'm worried about my sanity
with the thing in the house.
Well, make your peace with it,
'cause Ann told me Nora said
Jack asked
if she knew your ring size.
- Oh, whoa.
- Mm-hmm.
As long as he waits until I get
my green light on Human Tree 2.
- Oh, God.
- Can I get you anything?
She's had enough.
- I will have--
- These will do, actually.
Thank you.
If Jack does propose--
I got two words for you:
"Belize wedding."
Shit. He's gonna propose?
What do you think we should do?
Whatever. It's like, once
you get to that level of rich,
they get into these, like,
dramas and stuff like it's fun.
They like it.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Hey.
Uh
Sorry, I-I, um--this was--
I-I was going by
and I saw this poster.
I was like, "What?"
I actually auditioned
for A Far Cry,so
You saw how?
I-I was--I--it was--
it was, like,
a reflection over there.
I literally heard your boss
tell everyone
not to go in here.
Yeah, the clients' private--
Yeah, that's what this is.
And so I was--
why am I in here?
I'm-I'm just gonna--uh, no.
You don't--that's not for you.
- What the hell's this?
- What is that?
What is that?
Huh.
I'm--
- We, uh--
- Right.
Jack and Tandy.
Jack's having an affair.
Or something
that looks like it.
- I--
- It's unbelievable.
Again.
Again?
I am such an idiot.
It's--
sorry.
And you just tell me
like a normal person.
I didn't want
to fuck up the party.
You love parties that much?
No, my boss is in
a tough spot with his company
and he's really hoping
to do business with Jack,
so my plan was, hide the note,
Ron does his business,
and then after the party,
you get the note.
Maybe not
the worst plan in the world.
I mean, I was
a little proud of it.
- Maybe a good plan.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Anyway, I'm really sorry.
It's no big deal.
Your boyfriend's affair?
Oh, I thought you meant
the private space policy thing.
Oh, no.
We break that all the time.
I'm on two of Jack's Percocet
right now.
- Mm.
- Yeah. You want one?
Uh-huh.
Everybody have fun tonight ♪
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
Everybody
Have fun tonight ♪
Oh, sure makes
for a fun night, right?
Oh, it's a great gift.
Great gift.
- You like karaoke?
- Oh, I love it.
You know, I've-I've never
tried it
in a home setting, you know?
Uh, way cooler, I imagine.
- It's similar, actually.
- Oh.
You know what I was thinking
would be cool
is to do, like, a theme thing,
you know,
like Rat Pack Night
or Disco Night.
Yeah, or-or-or-or-or
Rock and Roll Night
or, uh
uh, you know, other nights.
Probably drive Evie crazy,
but
Hey, who wears the pants,
am I right?
I mean, you're Max America.
You make a solid point.
Everyone ♪
Beautiful!
You know, maybe we should, uh,
get eyeballs on a calendar,
you know, pencil in some dates?
I can handle
all the boring details and--
What? What? What?
You use Tipo Fico?
Do I what?
It's Tom Ford's
small-batch conditioner.
Yeah, I got a bottle at the,
uh, Locarno Film Festival
in a swag bag.
I just--I've never met anyone
who used it before.
No, I do not wear it, so
Oh.
I see what you're getting.
I'm getting that as well.
I feel like it's wafting in
from over here.
I think it's that guy.
Shit, I'm buzzing.
Oh, I gotta take care of this.
But I'll come back
with the calendar, okay?
Yes? Oh, finally. Thank God.
So I guess I just
wanted to get a sense
what's your take
on the whole child actor thing?
Child actor thing?
You know, like Judy Garland.
- Who?
- Excuse me.
Custom, made-to-order
cake bite?
No, thanks.
Actually, um, apparently,
some child actors
can end up with issues.
And since my daughter
is a former child actor,
I was just wondering
if you felt like--
Oh, I don't have any issues.
I'm fine.
Oh.
Great.
Okay.
I mean I don't know.
Maybe?
But you said no.
But maybe
I'm actually pretty fucked up
and I've been
a terrible person.
Oh.
Probably not that bad, right?
I mean, you probably
haven't been that
fucked up in--oh, dear.
You seem
pretty well-adjusted to me.
Are you sure?
God! Stupid, stupid.
Use his Tipo Fico.
What are you thinking, Ron?
What are you fucking thinking?
I use the booze and the drugs
as an excuse to act selfishly,
and I don't think
of other people's feelings.
But do you think that this
is a child actor thing
or-or a you thing?
I never had any normal friends.
I never got to goof around
or go to prom.
You never got
to go to the prom?
Shit.
Okay, make it quick.
I've got you ♪
Under my skin ♪
Yeah.
I've got you ♪
Deep in the heart of me ♪
Compared to Jack,
Joel is a pile of wet garbage.
- Hmm.
- You're so lucky.
- Mm.
- It's like a fairy tale.
God.
Let's go!
It is like a fairy tale.
Yes, it is.
See, that should be
a big red flag.
Why does anybody say that?
If it's like a fairy tale,
it is a fairy tale.
It seems super obvious
when you say it out loud.
For the sake
Of having you near ♪
What do you think
you're gonna do?
I'm gonna dump his ass
in a satisfyingly businesslike
fashion.
After the party,
per your little plan.
I appreciate you
honoring the plan.
I see now. Solid plan.
Party's great,
I fake my way through,
Jack books a bunch more,
your boss gets rich,
I'm free, and it's just
gonna be like a little--
I almost said fairy tale.
Skin ♪
Yes, sir!
Oh, yeah. What a party, right?
And it's not just because
of this beauty
but because of this beauty.
- Oh.
- Aw!
Evie, you surprise me
every day.
But this--
this is a really good one.
Okay, so, everyone,
I've been kind of
figuring some stuff out,
and I feel like I owe
some apologies.
Okay, Tandy, we're just
just finishing up
a toast, okay?
Maybe you can do this later?
Okay, okay.
Uh, anyway, as surprises go--
Okay, so first,
Evie, I'm sorry
I didn't consider your feelings
when I was hooking up
with Jack.
What?
Okay, okay, okay.
This is crazy.
- Evie, I swear--
- It's fine.
Enjoy your party.
We'll talk about it later.
Okay, okay, second,
I want to apologize
to you, Jack.
I used your upstairs bathroom
when I knew it was off-limits.
- What the fuck?
- I'm so sorry.
Mm.
Okay, we're clear. We're clear.
Coast is clear.
Manifest yourself.
Yes. Yes!
Got it!
Got what? What even was that?
It was the thing.
Great. Pack it up.
I've been undressed
By kings ♪
And I've seen some things ♪
That a woman
Ain't s'posed to see ♪
I've been to paradise ♪
But I've never been to me ♪
Hey, you know
What paradise is ♪
Hey, Jack, uh,
so I took the liberty of
preparing, uh, an event form.
Okay, maybe we can run
a few dates up the flagpole--
You took a shower
in my bathroom.
- It's that man ♪
- Bathroom.
That you fought with
This morning ♪
The same one you're gonna ♪
Make love with tonight ♪
They only made 200 bottles
of Tipo Fico, Ron.
Jesus Christ.
- No, no--
- Ron.
Ron, there you are. Here.
It's an event form.
I need to throw a party.
Maybe the most important party
of my life.
A prom.
Prom?
Escapade never got one.
I need to save her
from the child actor thing.
Details are all there.
Deposit check's attached.
Okay. Okay.
You see?
God never closes a door
without opening up a window.
Yeah, that's how a bear
got my uncle.
Uh, seriously?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Thought you said
you quit acting.
Oh, uh, I did.
This is a high school play.
The drama teacher
at my school died.
There's no money to replace
him, so they were like,
"Hey, Pollard, didn't you
used to be an actor?"
Jeez, I feel bad.
If we had cast you
in A Far Cry,
you would not be
in this predicament.
Unless that story
was an act too.
Oh, no. I auditioned.
You produced it?
In my pretentious early years.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.
Did we call you back?
- No.
- Hmm.
But it's good to finally know
who's to blame
for my predicament.
Sorry.
I owe you a drink.
Here. This is me.
You know,
just if you ever wanna collect.
Just promise
no fairy-tale shit.
Oh, no, I'm a total mess,
guaranteed.
What's with the card?
Like, why is it weirdly big?
No, this. What's Party Dowm?
With an M?
Shit!