Ramy (2019) s03e02 Episode Script

Yo, I'm gonna take you
to get the best falafel in the world.
It's gonna make
that little brown dick hard.
Your dick's brown, right?
- Yeah, um
- Nice.
When-when do you think
we're gonna meet the partners
and, like, talk out
all the details and stuff?
We're staying with the partners, habibi.
At the same house?
It's this big-ass mansion.
Tons of rooms.
Great place to do drugs.
But I'm not gonna do any.
What I am worried about
is your sketchy fucking homey.
He-he's not my homey.
He's my business partner.
I he has to be with me.
- I need to talk to you.
- Jeez.
He's problematic.
He's gonna scare away the Jews.
I know he seems, like,
a little aggressive,
but he's actually he's really
a gentle kind of guy.
- He's sketchy.
- He's not
What the fuck?
One second.
What are you doing?
They wire under the carpet.
- I'm sorry.
- What?
I I was wrong.
I've always been afraid to come here.
Even with the American passport,
I knew they would fuck me
because I'm a Palestinian.
But-but your friends
are going to get us in.
Look, I I know I've said
some horrible things about them.
But I am thankful to these Jews.
I I love them.
I finally get to see Palestine
and make money,
my two favorite things.
I I'm not sure that we're gonna get
to go to the Palestinian side,
'cause the-the deal
No, habibi.
It is all the Palestinian side.
It's all the Palestinian side.
All of it. It's all Palestine.
- Come with me.
- What the fuck?
Where am I?
I studied all the exit signs
on the line.
This is not the Ben Gurion.
It's a private hangar.
Okay, I'm with them. Selim! Ramy!
Eh, hey! Hey!
Don't fucking touch me, eh?
I'm not going in there.
You're gonna fucking waterboard me.
Sir, we just have a few questions.
Stop. Hey! I'll walk, okay?
Listen, I can hold my breath
for nine minutes.
I'm not afraid of water.
He'll be fine, man.
Couple hours, just processing vibes.
Why don't we go too, though,
before we get processed, you know?
Yeah, but what's the process?
I don't know. I've never been stopped.
Hey, let's go. We should go.
Habibi, you texting your uncle?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just checking on him.
He's gonna be fine. Inshallah, right?
Inshallah.
Just tell him to do
whatever the IDF says.
They're good people,
but make sure he bends to their will.
- Text him that.
- Yeah.
Yeah, shoot that out pretty quickly.
In all caps.
Ramy. Trust is everything.
I meet anyone we do business with,
even the men who drive our trucks.
I have coffee with them.
Yuval's been helping Ramy out
for a while now,
and he's got an impressive business.
Yeah. We're on fucking fire.
I told you that DUI was nonsense.
I'd like to trust you.
But I'm sure you understand
the obvious issue here.
Uh, w-what issue?
It's hard for me to trust a Muslim.
You can imagine, living here,
I've had some experiences.
I need you to prove to me
that your faith won't get in the middle.
Draw the prophet.
Um, what?
Draw the prophet.
If faith is not an issue for you,
then draw the prophet.
- Y-you want me to
- Yeah, a small drawing.
A stick figure will do.
Just draw something.
Tell me it's Mohammad,
and, uh, we'll be good.
Those fanatics, they care over pictures.
If you are not one of those,
shouldn't be an issue for you.
Uh, um
Don't touch that pen.
She always pulls this one.
It's a joke.
Uh, oh.
She fucking got you.
Gave you a little tug, huh?
I love to laugh.
Me too.
- S-so good.
- Okay.
Uh, we have dinner this evening
with me and my partners.
We'll talk over details
and see if it works.
This is my mother, Chaya.
She is why trust means so much to me.
She used to live in a world without it.
She's the only person of our family
who survived the Holocaust.
Uh, wow.
Um, that's
Congratulations.
Wow.
What did you say?
Um, I said, uh
"Congratulations"?
Are you being sarcastic?
Sor no, no, I
No, no, of course not. No, I meant it.
I mean, surviving the Holocaust,
that that's that's huge, you know.
I mean, and the numbers were
Were not good,
so to to get out, I mean, that
I feel like that's That deserves
a big congratulations.
You say congratulations
when someone does
something very special.
And what's more special
than beating the Holocaust?
You know, like, that's, like
wow.
Congratulations.
You know, like,
and that's when I would say it,
like, big big events.
Like, you just had a baby?
Congratulations.
You survived a holocaust?
C-congratulations, you know?
And so I I think
You know what it is?
"Congrats," that's the sarcastic one.
When people say that,
when they go, "Congrats,"
that's they're
They're trying to make
something smaller.
I'm saying it like it's from
the true sense of the word.
You know?
Like, the real, historically
Like, historically, congratulations,
that's wow, like
The word has been
misunderstood, I think,
'cause people just use it in
In a really wrong context.
Uh, it's which happens
to words, you know?
It's like, uh
Like Allahu Akbar, you know?
People use that
in a really just wrong way,
but it's actually a very beautiful word.
Um, and I so is this one.
So that was what I meant.
Okay.
So just from the bottom
of my heart, congratulations.
And, um
And Allahu Akbar, really.
'Cause God is God is great for
You see that?
You see that? Huh?
Five minutes, almost six.
I have the lungs of a swimmer.
I can swim across the Dead Sea
if you'd let me, but you won't.
I'm ready, you fucking cowards.
Breath control.
Did you see that
on your little cameras out there?
There are no cameras here.
We need your code to open it.
16-character encryption.
Good luck, bitch.
You know, I screen a lot of people.
I can tell you're not a man
who's easily broken.
At least you see something.
I can understand
you don't want to talk to us.
But we have a job
to keep our country safe,
and there are a lot of people
who want nothing more
than to see us suffer.
So you can comply
Or we can send you home.
I am home.
To New York.
"Congratulations" is not normally
a Holocaust adjective.
Why don't you, next time, just say sorry
and move on, you know?
Why would I say sorry?
I I I didn't do the Holocaust.
I'm sorry it happened.
It's loaded, man, okay?
The whole thing's fucking loaded here.
We all have PTSD
from that fucking event.
Okay, I won't bring up the Holocaust.
But where the fuck's my uncle?
They're probably holding him.
It's random.
They do it with older Palestinian men,
sometimes younger ones,
women too.
Sounds really random.
The soldiers are kids with guns.
I know; I came out here
when I was 17 to do my rehab.
Fucking best trip of my life.
I found God. I fucked a chick
I swear to God it was Gal Gadot.
No one would believe me,
but I know it was her.
Best trip of my life.
And then what happens?
I turn 18, they put
a fucking gun in my hands.
- I ran away.
- Yeah.
Eat the chicken.
Nah, no, I'm, uh I'm not hungry.
I'll I'll eat later.
It's kosher and halal.
You know, we kill animals
in the same way.
- Just, you know
- It's yeah.
You're fucking rattled.
We gotta pray-pray.
Use your credentials
at the golden mosque.
I'd come with you, but I can't.
I'll go see my rabbi.
We'll pray for the night
to go smooth, okay?
Yeah.
If it was up to me,
I'd kick everyone out.
Everyone can leave.
Give it to Black people.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Taxi!
Okay.
Hey hey, man, do you know
how long this is gonna take?
I I just I gotta meet somebody.
I want to tell her when I'll be there,
just, like, an estimate.
Do you have a line for people
with American passports?
Oh, shit.
I can't believe you actually came.
Yeah, sorry I was late.
The fucking checkpoint took forever.
Yeah, with checkpoints,
times are never accurate.
I know. It's it's so frustrating.
Like, I'm I'm from New Jersey,
and we have
Have you heard of the Lincoln Tunnel?
It it's basically
a fucking checkpoint.
Like, it takes hours
to get into New York.
But sometimes it takes minutes,
so everyone's always just confused.
Like, is it gonna take
a long time, is it not?
And then it costs, like, 20 bucks now
to to get in.
It used to be 12. Now it's 20.
It's just
At least you guys,
you don't have to pay, right?
Yeah.
Our old checkpoint
was like a tight metal cage,
barely any circulation.
And when it rained, it would get muddy.
Then they put the new paved ones.
Uh, yeah, it did feel
newly paved, actually.
Like, I could tell
it was a nice it was
Now that I think about it,
yeah, it was nice pave work.
I prefer the old checkpoint.
It was inhumane, but it felt temporary.
Now they spent millions
on the new checkpoints,
and it's like they are telling us
it's going to last forever.
I prefer the mud on my shoes.
- Sorry.
- No, it's okay.
We don't need to keep talking
about this.
Uh, I work in jewelry.
It it's why I came.
W-what about you?
I work in a restaurant in Ramallah.
But I'm starting my lingerie company.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Super affordable lingerie,
and the tag is,
"Everyone has the right to be sexy."
Wow, your
Your family's okay with that?
Like, religiously?
Muslims in the West
are so fucking uptight.
You act like no one ever kissed before.
It's lingerie. Everyone wears it.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm you know, I'm not
I'm not uptight.
Like, I've kissed before.
W-what?
This feels strange, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the
Like, the the barbed wire
and the and the soldiers and stuff?
No, I live here.
Right.
It's like kissing a family member
A cousin or something, you know?
Yeah, I know.
In your picture, you had a beard.
- Yeah.
- It was cuter.
I feel tricked.
Y-you feel tricked?
You invited me to your house
and I had to go
through a fucking checkpoint
and, like, a wall and shit.
Y-you said you lived in East Jerusalem.
This is east.
It wasn't always this east, but
No, I I get it.
Stuff stuff happened.
But but look,
I came all the way here.
What if we just come back here
Are we supposed to have sex
because you went through a checkpoint?
No, I didn't I didn't say that.
I I
no, I'm I'm just saying,
you know, like,
do you do you really have
that many options?
Do you think you are the best I can do
because of the occupation?
Kind of.
It's it's scary out there. Like
- The name of your father?
- Halim Mansour.
The name of your father's father?
Khaled Mansour.
Your father's father's father?
What the fuck?
I mean, how much information
do you need?
Your phone, it had
some interesting things on it.
There's nothing on there
unless you planted it.
No, no. Nothing illegal.
Just, uh
some interesting applications.
It's nothing. Eh?
It's it's just, uh,
to meet new people, you know?
To make new friends.
- That's it.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, I, uh
I think you'd very much enjoy Tel Aviv.
You'd have a lot of fun,
make a lot of new friends.
Uh
Are are we are we done
with this shit or what?
My boss is being very difficult.
Let me see what I can do.
I just, like, haven't been able to
To get it up, you know?
Like like, I will for a little bit,
but but it just
It's, like, I don't stay hard.
It it's just
Maybe it's 'cause my head isn't in it.
My my friend thinks it's
'cause I'm addicted to porn.
He he's a doctor.
He's been doing studies on it.
Sounds like you have a complicated life.
I know, I know. But I just
I really think
if I could make a change
Like, this deal,
if it if it goes through
and I understand if you think
I'm I'm a piece of shit
- for for doing business with
- I would do it.
Y-you would?
Yeah, you have to do what works for you.
Yeah, that that's
what I've been saying.
Like like, if Muslims and Jews
are working together, right,
like, that's how real change
and dialogue can can happen.
- You know?
- It's not about religion.
It's about the government.
They have no interest in our existence.
And they gaslight us like it's a war.
It's not. We don't have an army.
Yeah.
Have you ever read Chomsky?
Um, yeah, I mean, I I have
I have a book of his, yeah.
Which one?
Um, you know
Well, you know, how, like,
sometimes you, um
You don't finish a book
or or start it
but but you bought it?
No, I don't do that.
What Chomsky talks about is
the things that you have to do
to become a nation
and to stay a nation.
They're so cruel.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm just exhausted.
Shit. My my phone's dead.
Do do you have a charger?
Yeah, it's behind you.
What this this?
Yeah.
Okay, this is from, like Like, 2012.
Do you have, like, the
Like, a new one?
Uh, no, I don't have it.
D-does your iPhone have a button?
Sorry, but I don't have the newest phone
in the middle of the occupation.
W-w-what time is it?
It's, uh, 5:00? Almost 5:00.
I I gotta go.
I can't miss this dinner.
Sorry.
There was nothing I could do.
I hope you come back.
I'll take you to the airport.
I, um I got you an aisle seat.
The things you take from us,
and then you give me an aisle seat.
Fuck you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, s-sorry, look, please, please,
I re I really gotta get somewhere.
- I'm I'm
- Go back to the line
and bring your papers.
Wait, wait.
I don't I don't have my papers.
Go get it. Next.
No, I you I promise you,
I have an American passport.
It's just it's not with me.
And I'm a good friend of LeBron James.
No, no, it was it was
It was in my jacket.
And I'm I'm telling you,
I swear, I'm American.
'Cause these These Palestinian kids,
they were making fun of me.
And then they took my jacket,
all my stuff
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
They, like, fucking attacked me.
- Attacked you?
- Yeah.
It was like a gang. Like a
- A gang?
- Like, a bike gang.
Yeah, and they took all my stuff.
If you could just let me through
Come. Come with me, sir.
Come with me.
Tell me everything you remember
about these kids.
Uh, I I don't
I don't even really think
I can remember them.
Listen, I know you're in shock.
But it's common after a terrorist attack
to be in shock, you know?
No, it's it's not
I wouldn't say
it was a terrorist attack.
It was a It was, like, an argument.
But I saw you. You were just crying.
Listen, you're in good hands.
We're trained by your people.
The NYPD come here every year
to train us.
When we arrive there, stay in the car
for your own safety.
They might throw some rocks, you know.
No, no, don't!
No!
Those savage kids.
They destroyed your jacket.
But I found your passport.
You must be cold, eh?
I'll get you a jacket.
Come, we'll give you a ride home.
You kept the partners waiting.
I, um I got stuck.
I I went to the other side.
I thought you might.
What's happening over there, it's
It's fucked up.
It's like it's like a prison.
Like, I I don't know how you just
this kid, he got arrested for no reason.
He didn't even
He didn't even do anything.
Two days ago, I was in Cairo.
We have a big client there
in Khanal-Khalili.
I bought a box of cigarettes.
Have you seen Egyptian ones?
Black lungs.
Every country in the world
put a picture of what might happen,
but not America.
Not Israel either.
We work so hard to hide
what is really going on.
Are you proud to be an American?
- I don't sometimes.
- Yeah. Sometimes.
Sometimes I am proud
to live here, you know?
Finally a place for Jews to rest.
But sometimes I d
I don't believe in Zionism.
I don't believe in any country.
I think you should read Chomsky.
You seem to be a good person.
Don't worry about the kid.
We have connections in the army.
I'll make sure he gets home.
Just tell me what you know.
I'll handle it.
Okay.
Take off this jacket.
It doesn't belong to you.
- Take
- Yeah.
Unbutton your shirt.
Your pants.
When you leave,
you'll get your first drop.
10 carats.
We'll need to have 250,000
within 48 hours.
Cash on delivery.
My deal is with you, not your uncle.
Okay.
Are you hard?
Uh
yeah, I
I actually haven't in in a while.
I
Congratulations.