Search Party (2016) s03e02 Episode Script
The Rookie Lawyer
Last night, commotion
erupted during a celebration
for Senator-elect Mary Ferguson
after her landslide win.
It happened as one of the campaign staff members was escorted from the party in handcuffs.
The woman in question, Dory Sief, and her boyfriend, Drew Gardner - Oh, my God, what? - are expected to be charged with the murder of Keith Powell, A private investigator and loving father.
If you're wondering why the suspect, Dory Sief, is smiling in her mug shot, you're not alone.
It's like, why are you smiling like that unless you did it? She just looks snotty.
I just know.
I can tell.
She didn't do it.
She couldn't have.
I'm a doctor, and people with freckles are pretty tame and sensitive.
What does this mean for me? Gardner.
You made bail.
Well, it was nice talking to you.
don't have a last name there - Oh, my God.
- and Portia Davenport to bury the body in the woods Oh, look.
Wait, she is like, involved in this.
Oh, my God.
Shh, shh, shh! What are you guys watching? Nothing.
Nothing.
Put it away.
Put it away.
You guys, I just heard my name.
Okay, we're not, like, obsessed with you.
We just got a Google alert about the play Oh, yeah? and this came up, and I guess you're, like, a killer? What? Let me see that.
Um, so, it's been brought to my attention that at a clique of friends in their late 20s murdered private investigator Keith Powell in Montreal, Canada.
To my understanding, Dory Sief and her boyfriend, Drew And, I'm sorry, I don't have a last name murdered the man and enlisted the assistance of their dear friends Elliot Also don't have a last name there and Portia Davenport to bury the body in the woods.
Oh, my God.
- Who did this? - Apparently, there maybe have been - some sexual foreplay - Who did this? How did this happen? Did Danny say whether his grandmother has a formal Thanksgiving? I don't know.
There are a lot of kids, but she lives in the Fab 40s.
Oh, well, your dad and I went to a dinner party once In that neighborhood.
The CEO of ISE Hey, newbie.
It's okay.
Come on.
rich people Thanksgiving.
I think it's such a shame that you're spending your last Thanksgiving with family you've never met instead of us.
Wait, when is the Lady Bird gonna get her special powers already? It's not about a superhero.
It's about Lady Bird Johnson.
- Idiots.
- It's insane.
I-I think she's only like the second female director to be nominated for an Oscar in, like, 10 years.
What did you just say? What? Nothing.
Just that it's weird that she's only the second female director That's not what you said.
You said it was insane! You think that's insane?! No, no.
I'm sorry.
I-I agree with whatever you're saying.
What's insane is that my foot hurts and no one believes me! - Castillo! - Off me! How many TVs you gonna break this week? I'm gonna kill you in your sleep for what you said about the movie! Sief.
You got a visitor.
Apparently there may have been some sexual foreplay during the wrathful act as an exercise in sadism, and then that's pretty much all I know, But I hope I did the right thing by calling this in.
Hey, everybody! I got waffles! They didn't travel well, so let's eat them now.
Oh, waffles! You're the best, Meg! You're my best friend! Oh, my God.
Meg.
It's you.
Elijah, you told? What? I just woke up.
I asked you if you told anybody, and you said you didn't.
I said I told nobody.
And Meg is nobody.
I tell Meg everything.
She doesn't matter.
She's just a receptacle.
Portia, Elijah's right.
I I I'm no one.
I'm pure trash.
I'm I'm I'm I'm a big loser.
I felt like I had to do the right thing.
I'm so sorry.
I trusted you.
Meg, why did you have to say We did weird sex stuff to the body?! You told me they did weird sex stuff to the body! You said you did weird sex stuff to the body.
I would never do weird sex stuff to a body! I feel certain you said that! And where are you going?! Oh, my goodness, I'm sorry.
Portia! What?! - Get in! - What? Okay.
- Elliot, whose van is this? - It's mine.
I use it to transport all my water bottles, And then the owner died, and no one asked for it back.
Well, where are we going? - Drew's been arrested, and we're next.
- What?! I know a place far, far away from all of this.
Our own imaginations? The Hamptons.
My stupid seat belt's not working! Look, our names are out there, the cops are after us, We got to get going, so just deal with it! Okay! Happy Monday.
Thank God that weekend's over, huh? Excuse me, everyone.
I am sorry to interrupt your important work.
I see there's a cake on my desk.
I think I made it clear to everybody at this office that I-I don't like gifts or surprises or attention that I didn't professionally earn.
So, if it isn't removed in the next hour, It's going in the trash.
All right? Hey.
Sorry about that.
It's from that sweet old lady who does the billing for us.
Ugh, she would.
Happy birthday, by the way.
Why? I don't know.
I don't know.
My point.
Anyway, look at these jackasses.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Huh, see? It's everything I hate about young people Rich, beautiful, corrupt.
What do they call them, millellials? Millennials.
This could be good for us, though, right? - You know.
- How do you mean? It's a good angle.
Good angle People love to hate them.
- It's like a national obsession.
- I don't know.
I don't think people really care about millennials anymore.
I feel like that kind of talk has died down, actually.
Oh, really? Oh, really? Don't tell me about the world, Garrett.
If I wanted that, I would've hired a travel agent.
Just go out there.
Tell everybody I'm gonna make a statement to the press.
There's already so much on this already.
It's just We can get ahead of it, though.
Yeah, we can.
That's right.
- Put my face out there.
- Sure.
Let them know what they're up against.
Copy that.
Okay.
Guilty, guilty, guilty little frogs.
Hi! No, you have to pick up the phone, Gail.
The phone.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Dory, look at you in that cute prison jumpsuit.
- I can't believe this is so real! - I know.
Thank you so much for coming, Gail.
Of course.
Yeah, it means a lot to me.
Okay, so, as you know, I don't have any money because Sundeep turned the banks against me, But I figured something out because I'm a genius.
My friends Tim and Margie said they'll bail you out.
Wow, amazing! Oh, my God.
Wow, that That's so generous.
There is one catch, though.
- It's a good catch.
- Okay.
They said they'll only put up the money If you hire their daughter Cassidy to represent you, which is a great thing, right, Because now you'll get a free lawyer out of the whole deal.
Well, I don't know.
Like, isn't Isn't that illegal? Is it? Why would she want to be my lawyer for free anyways? Dory, are you kidding me? You're famous.
What? Why? Why? Um, only because your arrest was the most epic, fabulous public arrest ever.
Dory, this is your destiny.
Wait, Elliott, I'm so confused.
- Is this, like, your house? - No, no, no.
It's a timeshare that belongs to this older man Who I used to let spoon me for Broadway box seats, And then ironically he fell out of one of the box seats, And he's been in a coma for over a year, So he definitely won't be here.
Oh, my gosh, it's so pretty! Yeah, we love it.
Mommy, stop.
No, Mommy, I like it.
Oh, my God, Mom, Mom, she's coming.
I'm hanging up.
Hanging up.
Dory Sief, Cassidy Diamond, and it's an honor to call myself your lawyer.
Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thanks for getting me out of here.
Yeah, wow.
That's an incredible handshake.
It's firm.
Uh, I'm sorry, but how old are you? 30 and single.
Oh.
Okay, so, how do we start? Well, the trees have ears, so we don't talk here.
So, I rented us this luxury SUV.
Figured you wanted a touch of glamour after a hard night.
Oh, that's nice.
Do you do that for all your clients? I plan to.
You're my first case.
Your first case? I know, so exciting.
Congratulations.
Ugh, I feel like it's such a blessing to be born blonde, and now I just look like an evil brunette.
Well, that's exactly what we want.
Nobody can recognize us.
Oh, good, you're the babysitters? Yeah.
Well, they were smart to hire two, Because I think the last one was complaining about how messy they were.
I'm sure they're lovely.
Well, look.
They're gonna be here in, like, two seconds, And Dickie doesn't like it when I drink around the kids, So if you could just take them jet skiing, uh, build a little - snowman - Absolutely.
- We'll figure something out.
- We will.
We were just thinking about hunting for hermit crabs.
Ew.
Okay, well, clean up the tar when you're gone.
You got it.
Oh! Oh, my God.
Five-star sushi for a five-star client.
I just want to let you know, like, where my head's at.
I took a look at the evidence.
It does not look good.
Mm.
- I can explain what happened - No, no, no, no.
Okay? That's not why I said that.
All right? The less you tell me now, the better ground we're on when we're building our defense, okay? 'Cause I can't, like, un-know whatever you tell me, right? Right.
Okay, so, let's talk options.
Option number one Plea deal.
Okay, so how does that work? You plead guilty, get a lighter sentence.
It's easy, it's fun, you skip the court part, you just sign this paper admitting to taking full responsibility for killing Keith.
No, no, I'm not signing anything No, no, no, no! Option two Self-defense.
This is a very attractive option in my personal opinion.
It's sexy.
Keith attacked you and your boyfriend, right? Did you know he put a tracking device on your phone? Yeah.
That's how he found you guys in Montreal.
He was a total creep.
So you had to defend yourself, right? I believe it, and so will a jury.
But I'm kind of feeling option number three Pleading insanity.
Insanity? Mental illness is a real thing that everyone has or wishes they had.
If you've ever been under, like, a large amount of stress or heard voices or had an imaginary friend, it's a totally viable argument So, what do you think? Does that sound good? No, I don't I don't want to do that one.
Okay.
I was just, like, telling you you had options.
That's all.
There you go.
Make sure everyone knows Chicagoans give big tips.
- Give me the phone back.
- Delete the picture.
- Delete the picture.
- Give me your password.
Give me your password or your finger.
Give me the Stop it! Stop it! I can't believe how much they charge for a room, and there's no hair dryer.
Aaron, help your mother find a hair dryer.
I can't! Reid won't give back my phone! Aaron took a pic of me on the plane sleeping, And I look like an idiot.
He's gonna post it! So let me delete it, then.
Would you all just shut up? Please! Do we always have to scream at each other all the time?! Dude, you shouldn't get so upset.
It makes you look like a killer.
Do not play with your brother's feelings like that! We all know he didn't do it.
We know he's absolutely innocent, right, Drew? - Drew! - Oh, my God! - He did it! - No, stop! Stop! He's just in shock, understandably.
You asked him if he was innocent, and he just shrugged.
Reid, shut your damn mouth.
You have no idea what it would be like to be in his situation, being accused of something you didn't do, so stop making everything worse and just shut up or get out of here.
You got it? Gang, we got good news.
The one and only Bob Lunch is gonna save the day.
The Chicago Tribune called him the best defense attorney on the east side of Chicago in 1988, and I guarantee you he's sharper than he ever was.
This is fantastic! Fantastic.
That's great, Dad.
Drew, it'll be okay.
It's all just a misunderstanding.
America has the best justice system in the world.
They don't put innocent people in jail.
Oh, Chantal! We grieved for you! We were praying you weren't dead, And you were just taking it easy in Canada? So you were never in New Hampshire hiding out inside one of your poems? And now you're wrapped up in some murder?! No, I do not understand what that's about.
That's, like, a mix-up.
Well, you better figure that out, young lady, Because your father is beside himself.
He He was too upset to even come here.
With Robert away, it's evident that I must fill in as the lead patriarch in this family, and I think that we could all thrive under my guidance, considering I am a marriage and family therapist.
Ted, please.
Now's the time.
Let me lead.
I hate to say it, but I wish that you had been abused, because when people thought that you had been abused, they felt bad for me.
Oh, my God.
I hope you are ready to return every cent of that $250,000.
You still have the money, right, Chantal? Well, no, I don't.
I spent it.
You spent all of it?! Shut your dumb mouth, Katherine.
You know what? Just stop yelling at me.
I'm gonna make the money back, okay? How? I'm starting a business.
Um, what business? I don't know.
I just know that I'm starting a business, and it'll involve P.
R.
, and there's gonna be an app.
And I'm paying everybody back, and it's gonna redeem me, and Daddy's gonna be very proud, okay? Okay?! I'd like us all to look at our hands and imagine that each finger is a value this family was once founded upon.
So, what family value would our thumbs be? I don't love you anymore! Thank you all for coming.
Thank you, everyone.
Hi, Kathy.
Uh, okay.
Uh, I'm here to announce that the United States Attorney's office has filed criminal charges against Dory Sief, okay, and Drew Gardner for the recent murder of a New York City P.
I.
They have been charged with first-degree murder of Keith Powell.
On May 26th, Keith Powell, private investigator, father, and lover of Ms.
Sief, drove to Montreal in an effort to retrieve the missing individual.
When he arrived at the r-residence, Uh, he was, uh What What're you doing? Get out of here.
Uh, when he arrived in I'm sorry, where was I? Yes.
Uh, when Mr.
Powell arrived in the residence So, all we have to do now is just wait for the prosecution to make the first move, and then we, like, build our defense based on that, but the key to all of this is that you say nothing to no one ever.
Oh, my God, my mom just texted me.
The prosecutor threw a press conference about the charges.
What? Um, driver, can you put on 1010 WINS? The biggest challenge of this case is just gonna be sifting through the mountains of evidence.
Okay, so jokes aside, Dory Sief and Drew Gardner will pay for these immoral acts.
You know what? Turn that off.
You know, that's Federal Prosecutor Polly Danziger in a nutshell.
All bravado, no humanity.
She's such a bull, which is, like, fine for me, 'cause I am, too, but, like, God.
I just feel bad for her sometimes.
She grew up in a generation that was all like, "You got to be a man to get ahead.
" It's like, "Bitch, just admit you like to shop.
" So, tell me.
As a man.
Did I look attractive out there or what? Polly, we have a weird, uh issue.
What's up? Who the hell is "Fat Frankie"? I was trying to tell you this during the press conference, But according to this police officer, Joy Hartman, this guy, Fat Frankie, confessed to murdering Keith.
No.
No! No, Garrett, no! I just gave a speech out there! I know.
I can't take it back! Why didn't you give me this before? M It was just presented to me! This is not my fault.
I want it to be! Hey.
Okay.
God, what are we doing? - I know.
- I know.
So, maybe I should've had more of a plan this morning Than just get out of town.
I was being reactionary, okay? We know that now! God, I just hate these rich kids.
They don't listen to us at all.
Hey, guys? Guys, remember what we said! You're connected to us by a 10-foot invisible rope.
You cannot go farther than the rope! Hello? Guys! My God.
You know, let 'em go, honestly.
Oh, my God.
It looks like someone tipped off the press.
Okay, look, just put your head down and don't say anything, okay? You got this.
We got this.
You got this.
We got this.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm here.
I'm here.
Excuse me.
Excuse You know what? Members of the press, try to have some dignity, okay? Give her some air.
She needs air, all right? She needs air.
Move back.
Move back.
Move back.
She's a human.
Did you know he had a daughter? Dory, why did you do it? Okay, we're in.
I just want everyone to know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the death of Keith Powell, and neither did Drew Gardner.
This is just a huge misunderstanding, and I'm completely innocent.
Thank you very much.
Come on.
Come on.
Thank you! Now, Drew, I just want you to know That I'm on your side no matter what.
And we're going to put up a fight.
I didn't mean to do it.
It was self-defense.
- What's that, son? - Frank, Frank, the TV.
I just want everyone to know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the death of Keith Powell, and neither did Drew Gardner.
This is just a huge misunderstanding, and I'm completely innocent.
Thank you.
Okay, great! We're innocent! I love my innocent son.
Kids! Kiiiidddss! Jules! Wyatt! God.
Oh, my God.
What are we supposed to do now? We have to lay low on two levels now.
We have to dye our hair back immediately, Ell I cannot.
I cannot.
Okay, my hair is finally growing back.
- It'll just kill it all.
- And I get that.
I'm actually glad we're here.
I mean, I know initially my, like, instinct to just flee to the beach was clearly just a reaction to the extraordinary anxiety Flowing through my veins, but it makes so much more sense now because now we can just sit here and we can wait For Drew and Dory to get out of jail and just come here, and we'll all talk and get on the same goddamn page.
Mm-hmm, I love that.
- And you know what else? - What? I bet Dory's being really smart right now.
Mm-hmm.
I bet she's telling them it was self-defense.
Because that's basically the truth.
It was self-defense.
Oh, my God, it was self-defense, Portia.
Oh, my God.
- Like, it was - It was.
self-defense.
It's occurring to me for the first time, and I'm like, it's hitting me like a wave like we're gonna be totally fine because because it was self-defense.
Oh, my God.
Do you hear that?! Do you hear that, dolphins?! The truth will set us free! Yeah! Did you hear that, dolphins? It was self-defense! Yeah! The truth will set us free! The truth will set us free! The truth will set us free!
It happened as one of the campaign staff members was escorted from the party in handcuffs.
The woman in question, Dory Sief, and her boyfriend, Drew Gardner - Oh, my God, what? - are expected to be charged with the murder of Keith Powell, A private investigator and loving father.
If you're wondering why the suspect, Dory Sief, is smiling in her mug shot, you're not alone.
It's like, why are you smiling like that unless you did it? She just looks snotty.
I just know.
I can tell.
She didn't do it.
She couldn't have.
I'm a doctor, and people with freckles are pretty tame and sensitive.
What does this mean for me? Gardner.
You made bail.
Well, it was nice talking to you.
don't have a last name there - Oh, my God.
- and Portia Davenport to bury the body in the woods Oh, look.
Wait, she is like, involved in this.
Oh, my God.
Shh, shh, shh! What are you guys watching? Nothing.
Nothing.
Put it away.
Put it away.
You guys, I just heard my name.
Okay, we're not, like, obsessed with you.
We just got a Google alert about the play Oh, yeah? and this came up, and I guess you're, like, a killer? What? Let me see that.
Um, so, it's been brought to my attention that at a clique of friends in their late 20s murdered private investigator Keith Powell in Montreal, Canada.
To my understanding, Dory Sief and her boyfriend, Drew And, I'm sorry, I don't have a last name murdered the man and enlisted the assistance of their dear friends Elliot Also don't have a last name there and Portia Davenport to bury the body in the woods.
Oh, my God.
- Who did this? - Apparently, there maybe have been - some sexual foreplay - Who did this? How did this happen? Did Danny say whether his grandmother has a formal Thanksgiving? I don't know.
There are a lot of kids, but she lives in the Fab 40s.
Oh, well, your dad and I went to a dinner party once In that neighborhood.
The CEO of ISE Hey, newbie.
It's okay.
Come on.
rich people Thanksgiving.
I think it's such a shame that you're spending your last Thanksgiving with family you've never met instead of us.
Wait, when is the Lady Bird gonna get her special powers already? It's not about a superhero.
It's about Lady Bird Johnson.
- Idiots.
- It's insane.
I-I think she's only like the second female director to be nominated for an Oscar in, like, 10 years.
What did you just say? What? Nothing.
Just that it's weird that she's only the second female director That's not what you said.
You said it was insane! You think that's insane?! No, no.
I'm sorry.
I-I agree with whatever you're saying.
What's insane is that my foot hurts and no one believes me! - Castillo! - Off me! How many TVs you gonna break this week? I'm gonna kill you in your sleep for what you said about the movie! Sief.
You got a visitor.
Apparently there may have been some sexual foreplay during the wrathful act as an exercise in sadism, and then that's pretty much all I know, But I hope I did the right thing by calling this in.
Hey, everybody! I got waffles! They didn't travel well, so let's eat them now.
Oh, waffles! You're the best, Meg! You're my best friend! Oh, my God.
Meg.
It's you.
Elijah, you told? What? I just woke up.
I asked you if you told anybody, and you said you didn't.
I said I told nobody.
And Meg is nobody.
I tell Meg everything.
She doesn't matter.
She's just a receptacle.
Portia, Elijah's right.
I I I'm no one.
I'm pure trash.
I'm I'm I'm I'm a big loser.
I felt like I had to do the right thing.
I'm so sorry.
I trusted you.
Meg, why did you have to say We did weird sex stuff to the body?! You told me they did weird sex stuff to the body! You said you did weird sex stuff to the body.
I would never do weird sex stuff to a body! I feel certain you said that! And where are you going?! Oh, my goodness, I'm sorry.
Portia! What?! - Get in! - What? Okay.
- Elliot, whose van is this? - It's mine.
I use it to transport all my water bottles, And then the owner died, and no one asked for it back.
Well, where are we going? - Drew's been arrested, and we're next.
- What?! I know a place far, far away from all of this.
Our own imaginations? The Hamptons.
My stupid seat belt's not working! Look, our names are out there, the cops are after us, We got to get going, so just deal with it! Okay! Happy Monday.
Thank God that weekend's over, huh? Excuse me, everyone.
I am sorry to interrupt your important work.
I see there's a cake on my desk.
I think I made it clear to everybody at this office that I-I don't like gifts or surprises or attention that I didn't professionally earn.
So, if it isn't removed in the next hour, It's going in the trash.
All right? Hey.
Sorry about that.
It's from that sweet old lady who does the billing for us.
Ugh, she would.
Happy birthday, by the way.
Why? I don't know.
I don't know.
My point.
Anyway, look at these jackasses.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Huh, see? It's everything I hate about young people Rich, beautiful, corrupt.
What do they call them, millellials? Millennials.
This could be good for us, though, right? - You know.
- How do you mean? It's a good angle.
Good angle People love to hate them.
- It's like a national obsession.
- I don't know.
I don't think people really care about millennials anymore.
I feel like that kind of talk has died down, actually.
Oh, really? Oh, really? Don't tell me about the world, Garrett.
If I wanted that, I would've hired a travel agent.
Just go out there.
Tell everybody I'm gonna make a statement to the press.
There's already so much on this already.
It's just We can get ahead of it, though.
Yeah, we can.
That's right.
- Put my face out there.
- Sure.
Let them know what they're up against.
Copy that.
Okay.
Guilty, guilty, guilty little frogs.
Hi! No, you have to pick up the phone, Gail.
The phone.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
Dory, look at you in that cute prison jumpsuit.
- I can't believe this is so real! - I know.
Thank you so much for coming, Gail.
Of course.
Yeah, it means a lot to me.
Okay, so, as you know, I don't have any money because Sundeep turned the banks against me, But I figured something out because I'm a genius.
My friends Tim and Margie said they'll bail you out.
Wow, amazing! Oh, my God.
Wow, that That's so generous.
There is one catch, though.
- It's a good catch.
- Okay.
They said they'll only put up the money If you hire their daughter Cassidy to represent you, which is a great thing, right, Because now you'll get a free lawyer out of the whole deal.
Well, I don't know.
Like, isn't Isn't that illegal? Is it? Why would she want to be my lawyer for free anyways? Dory, are you kidding me? You're famous.
What? Why? Why? Um, only because your arrest was the most epic, fabulous public arrest ever.
Dory, this is your destiny.
Wait, Elliott, I'm so confused.
- Is this, like, your house? - No, no, no.
It's a timeshare that belongs to this older man Who I used to let spoon me for Broadway box seats, And then ironically he fell out of one of the box seats, And he's been in a coma for over a year, So he definitely won't be here.
Oh, my gosh, it's so pretty! Yeah, we love it.
Mommy, stop.
No, Mommy, I like it.
Oh, my God, Mom, Mom, she's coming.
I'm hanging up.
Hanging up.
Dory Sief, Cassidy Diamond, and it's an honor to call myself your lawyer.
Hi.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thanks for getting me out of here.
Yeah, wow.
That's an incredible handshake.
It's firm.
Uh, I'm sorry, but how old are you? 30 and single.
Oh.
Okay, so, how do we start? Well, the trees have ears, so we don't talk here.
So, I rented us this luxury SUV.
Figured you wanted a touch of glamour after a hard night.
Oh, that's nice.
Do you do that for all your clients? I plan to.
You're my first case.
Your first case? I know, so exciting.
Congratulations.
Ugh, I feel like it's such a blessing to be born blonde, and now I just look like an evil brunette.
Well, that's exactly what we want.
Nobody can recognize us.
Oh, good, you're the babysitters? Yeah.
Well, they were smart to hire two, Because I think the last one was complaining about how messy they were.
I'm sure they're lovely.
Well, look.
They're gonna be here in, like, two seconds, And Dickie doesn't like it when I drink around the kids, So if you could just take them jet skiing, uh, build a little - snowman - Absolutely.
- We'll figure something out.
- We will.
We were just thinking about hunting for hermit crabs.
Ew.
Okay, well, clean up the tar when you're gone.
You got it.
Oh! Oh, my God.
Five-star sushi for a five-star client.
I just want to let you know, like, where my head's at.
I took a look at the evidence.
It does not look good.
Mm.
- I can explain what happened - No, no, no, no.
Okay? That's not why I said that.
All right? The less you tell me now, the better ground we're on when we're building our defense, okay? 'Cause I can't, like, un-know whatever you tell me, right? Right.
Okay, so, let's talk options.
Option number one Plea deal.
Okay, so how does that work? You plead guilty, get a lighter sentence.
It's easy, it's fun, you skip the court part, you just sign this paper admitting to taking full responsibility for killing Keith.
No, no, I'm not signing anything No, no, no, no! Option two Self-defense.
This is a very attractive option in my personal opinion.
It's sexy.
Keith attacked you and your boyfriend, right? Did you know he put a tracking device on your phone? Yeah.
That's how he found you guys in Montreal.
He was a total creep.
So you had to defend yourself, right? I believe it, and so will a jury.
But I'm kind of feeling option number three Pleading insanity.
Insanity? Mental illness is a real thing that everyone has or wishes they had.
If you've ever been under, like, a large amount of stress or heard voices or had an imaginary friend, it's a totally viable argument So, what do you think? Does that sound good? No, I don't I don't want to do that one.
Okay.
I was just, like, telling you you had options.
That's all.
There you go.
Make sure everyone knows Chicagoans give big tips.
- Give me the phone back.
- Delete the picture.
- Delete the picture.
- Give me your password.
Give me your password or your finger.
Give me the Stop it! Stop it! I can't believe how much they charge for a room, and there's no hair dryer.
Aaron, help your mother find a hair dryer.
I can't! Reid won't give back my phone! Aaron took a pic of me on the plane sleeping, And I look like an idiot.
He's gonna post it! So let me delete it, then.
Would you all just shut up? Please! Do we always have to scream at each other all the time?! Dude, you shouldn't get so upset.
It makes you look like a killer.
Do not play with your brother's feelings like that! We all know he didn't do it.
We know he's absolutely innocent, right, Drew? - Drew! - Oh, my God! - He did it! - No, stop! Stop! He's just in shock, understandably.
You asked him if he was innocent, and he just shrugged.
Reid, shut your damn mouth.
You have no idea what it would be like to be in his situation, being accused of something you didn't do, so stop making everything worse and just shut up or get out of here.
You got it? Gang, we got good news.
The one and only Bob Lunch is gonna save the day.
The Chicago Tribune called him the best defense attorney on the east side of Chicago in 1988, and I guarantee you he's sharper than he ever was.
This is fantastic! Fantastic.
That's great, Dad.
Drew, it'll be okay.
It's all just a misunderstanding.
America has the best justice system in the world.
They don't put innocent people in jail.
Oh, Chantal! We grieved for you! We were praying you weren't dead, And you were just taking it easy in Canada? So you were never in New Hampshire hiding out inside one of your poems? And now you're wrapped up in some murder?! No, I do not understand what that's about.
That's, like, a mix-up.
Well, you better figure that out, young lady, Because your father is beside himself.
He He was too upset to even come here.
With Robert away, it's evident that I must fill in as the lead patriarch in this family, and I think that we could all thrive under my guidance, considering I am a marriage and family therapist.
Ted, please.
Now's the time.
Let me lead.
I hate to say it, but I wish that you had been abused, because when people thought that you had been abused, they felt bad for me.
Oh, my God.
I hope you are ready to return every cent of that $250,000.
You still have the money, right, Chantal? Well, no, I don't.
I spent it.
You spent all of it?! Shut your dumb mouth, Katherine.
You know what? Just stop yelling at me.
I'm gonna make the money back, okay? How? I'm starting a business.
Um, what business? I don't know.
I just know that I'm starting a business, and it'll involve P.
R.
, and there's gonna be an app.
And I'm paying everybody back, and it's gonna redeem me, and Daddy's gonna be very proud, okay? Okay?! I'd like us all to look at our hands and imagine that each finger is a value this family was once founded upon.
So, what family value would our thumbs be? I don't love you anymore! Thank you all for coming.
Thank you, everyone.
Hi, Kathy.
Uh, okay.
Uh, I'm here to announce that the United States Attorney's office has filed criminal charges against Dory Sief, okay, and Drew Gardner for the recent murder of a New York City P.
I.
They have been charged with first-degree murder of Keith Powell.
On May 26th, Keith Powell, private investigator, father, and lover of Ms.
Sief, drove to Montreal in an effort to retrieve the missing individual.
When he arrived at the r-residence, Uh, he was, uh What What're you doing? Get out of here.
Uh, when he arrived in I'm sorry, where was I? Yes.
Uh, when Mr.
Powell arrived in the residence So, all we have to do now is just wait for the prosecution to make the first move, and then we, like, build our defense based on that, but the key to all of this is that you say nothing to no one ever.
Oh, my God, my mom just texted me.
The prosecutor threw a press conference about the charges.
What? Um, driver, can you put on 1010 WINS? The biggest challenge of this case is just gonna be sifting through the mountains of evidence.
Okay, so jokes aside, Dory Sief and Drew Gardner will pay for these immoral acts.
You know what? Turn that off.
You know, that's Federal Prosecutor Polly Danziger in a nutshell.
All bravado, no humanity.
She's such a bull, which is, like, fine for me, 'cause I am, too, but, like, God.
I just feel bad for her sometimes.
She grew up in a generation that was all like, "You got to be a man to get ahead.
" It's like, "Bitch, just admit you like to shop.
" So, tell me.
As a man.
Did I look attractive out there or what? Polly, we have a weird, uh issue.
What's up? Who the hell is "Fat Frankie"? I was trying to tell you this during the press conference, But according to this police officer, Joy Hartman, this guy, Fat Frankie, confessed to murdering Keith.
No.
No! No, Garrett, no! I just gave a speech out there! I know.
I can't take it back! Why didn't you give me this before? M It was just presented to me! This is not my fault.
I want it to be! Hey.
Okay.
God, what are we doing? - I know.
- I know.
So, maybe I should've had more of a plan this morning Than just get out of town.
I was being reactionary, okay? We know that now! God, I just hate these rich kids.
They don't listen to us at all.
Hey, guys? Guys, remember what we said! You're connected to us by a 10-foot invisible rope.
You cannot go farther than the rope! Hello? Guys! My God.
You know, let 'em go, honestly.
Oh, my God.
It looks like someone tipped off the press.
Okay, look, just put your head down and don't say anything, okay? You got this.
We got this.
You got this.
We got this.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I'm here.
I'm here.
Excuse me.
Excuse You know what? Members of the press, try to have some dignity, okay? Give her some air.
She needs air, all right? She needs air.
Move back.
Move back.
Move back.
She's a human.
Did you know he had a daughter? Dory, why did you do it? Okay, we're in.
I just want everyone to know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the death of Keith Powell, and neither did Drew Gardner.
This is just a huge misunderstanding, and I'm completely innocent.
Thank you very much.
Come on.
Come on.
Thank you! Now, Drew, I just want you to know That I'm on your side no matter what.
And we're going to put up a fight.
I didn't mean to do it.
It was self-defense.
- What's that, son? - Frank, Frank, the TV.
I just want everyone to know that I had absolutely nothing to do with the death of Keith Powell, and neither did Drew Gardner.
This is just a huge misunderstanding, and I'm completely innocent.
Thank you.
Okay, great! We're innocent! I love my innocent son.
Kids! Kiiiidddss! Jules! Wyatt! God.
Oh, my God.
What are we supposed to do now? We have to lay low on two levels now.
We have to dye our hair back immediately, Ell I cannot.
I cannot.
Okay, my hair is finally growing back.
- It'll just kill it all.
- And I get that.
I'm actually glad we're here.
I mean, I know initially my, like, instinct to just flee to the beach was clearly just a reaction to the extraordinary anxiety Flowing through my veins, but it makes so much more sense now because now we can just sit here and we can wait For Drew and Dory to get out of jail and just come here, and we'll all talk and get on the same goddamn page.
Mm-hmm, I love that.
- And you know what else? - What? I bet Dory's being really smart right now.
Mm-hmm.
I bet she's telling them it was self-defense.
Because that's basically the truth.
It was self-defense.
Oh, my God, it was self-defense, Portia.
Oh, my God.
- Like, it was - It was.
self-defense.
It's occurring to me for the first time, and I'm like, it's hitting me like a wave like we're gonna be totally fine because because it was self-defense.
Oh, my God.
Do you hear that?! Do you hear that, dolphins?! The truth will set us free! Yeah! Did you hear that, dolphins? It was self-defense! Yeah! The truth will set us free! The truth will set us free! The truth will set us free!