Strangers with Candy (1999) s03e02 Episode Script

1
JERRI:
All right!
Buddah Stalin's got the
skills to pay the bills!
Yes!
[ROCKER WAILING]
Waaaah!
[HARD ROCK PUMPING]
What'd you do that for?
Because I find it offensive.
Buddah Stalin is an artist,
and he has every right
I don't mind the video, Jerri.
It's having you in my house
that I find offensive.
Get out!
[TV RESUMES]
Hello!
I'm Jerri Blank.
Thirty-two years ago
I dropped out of high school,
and ran away from home.
Oh, I made a lot of friends.
Did a lot of time
I was a boozer
A user
And a loser
I stole the T.V.,
did some more time,
but now I'm back in school!
And though the faces
may have changed
The hassles are just the same.
As you all know Flatpoint is
celebrating Freedom Week.
Now, uh, Susan,
why don't you tell us
what freedom means to you.
Uh my name's Orlando.
What?
I have Susan Smith, seat 2B.
Oh, we sort of switched seats
God damn it!
Look, people, this is chaos!
We are not starting this
lecture on freedom
until everyone's in
their assigned seat!
Move!
Hustle up!
We're burnin' daylight!
Where's your seat?
I I don't know where to sit.
Well then, get out!
All right, to kick off
Freedom Week,
Arnie's father, Minister Arsenew
is going to give us
a little talk about freedom.
I want you to
listen very carefully,
because he is a
prominent religious figure,
and this is a public school.
Okay
Mm-Minister Arsenew!
Last night I was watching
my son Arnie,
watching TV, and on it was this
tattooed, leather-clad fella,
with the curious name
of Buddah Stalin.
He was trying to fill my son's
head with his ideas about
freedom of speech.
But what is this
"freedom of speech"
that people are always
speaking so freely about?
Does it mean saying anything
you want anytime you want?
For instance, is it okay to yell
"fire" at a
crowded book burning?
Did Jesus just go around sayin'
anything that came
into his head?
Yes he did.
And what happened to him?
That's right,
they nailed him to
a telephone pole!
What does this parable teach us?
Keep your yapper shut!
That's what God wants,
and who are ya gonna listen to?
The Almighty
Or one of those foul-mouthed,
Jew-negro-rican rock-n-roller
anti-capital punishment types
like that Buddah Stalin
character?
Buddah Stalin's chronic.
My point is, you wanna learn
about freedom, children?
Read your Bible now on tape.
Thank you, Minister Arsenew.
Aren't we forgetting
something, Mr. Noblet?
Oh right, right.
Okey-doke, cough it up.
C'mon, c'mon!
C'mon people, dig deep!
Freedom isn't free.
I cannot wait to tell you
about Freedom Week!
[STUDENTS GROANING]
Look people, I don't
think you appreciate
just how serious this
freedom stuff is.
You cannot imagine
what it was like,
to be a black man
in the slave days.
But I can.
And let me tell you,
it was horrible what
you did to my people!
Okay!
For our assignments
I'm gonna be
passing out cameras,
and your project is
to take pictures
of things that
represent freedom.
All right, I'm gonna
pair you up into teams.
George, you'll be with Clinton,
Bootsy, why don't
you be with Colin,
Arnie, why don't
you be with Jerri
Toni, you're gonna be with
Susan.
We'll put you two together.
All righty!
Now, tomorrow we're gonna
develop our pictures
and we're gonna display them
in the Freedom Cage!
And at the end of the week
Principal Blackman
will be judging them
for most free-est.
Okay, that's it for today!
Take good pictures, everybody!
Great, a minister's son.
What do you know about
gettin' all free?
Plenty!
My dad has a lot of
great rules for freedom.
Oh yeah?
Hey, Reverend Tight-Ass,
ready to get all free?
Sure.
Okay! Freedom.
Freedom, what says freedom?
Well, what about breaking
conventional norms?
Like putting things together
in odd combinations?
Me like-ee.
Keep talkin'.
Like a
Light pillow in a garbage can.
Ahh, you devil, you.
How about a pencil
In a washer, huh?
I don't think so.
How about a penis in a vagina?
Look Jerri, I gotta go.
Besides, we're not coming up
with any ideas.
Oh, are we not we?
Ah! What are
you doing?
I'm feelin' free.
How you feelin'?
A little nauseous.
The ship's not even rockin' yet.
I gotta go.
Why you so nervous?
I've posed for photographs
plenty of times
and the dwarf never got nervous.
Jerri, please put
your clothes back on.
We need to loosen you up.
I'll get the ball rolling.
Feel free to jump in anytime.
Diarrhea milkshake,
poo-poo ♪
Okay class.
It's time to develop our photos!
Now I want to remind you,
be extra careful
with these chemicals,
they're very dangerous.
Be careful over there!
Okay.
My eyes!
Mr. Jellineck?
Yes, Arnie?
What do I want?
I just want to
tell you that I had
nothing to do
with Jerri's photos.
I'd like another chance.
Oh Arnie, I'm sorry,
there's no second chances
with freedom.
But I can give you an "F".
So now, to develop our film
I'm gonna have to
shut off the lights,
it's gonna get
pretty dark in here,
but there's nothin'
to be frightened of.
JELLINECK [PANICKY]:
Okay, calm down, breathe.
The lights will be on soon.
Something just brushed my leg!
What was it?
[CRASHING AND CLAMORING]
I can't find the light switch!
I'm all turned around!
I can't breath, I can't!
[GASPING & WHEEZING]
Okay
Let's get our photos
in the stop bath,
and I'm gonna take a quick trip
to the little boys' room.
Mr. Jellineck!
Mr. Jellineck!
What about my photo?
Let's have a look, Jerri.
It's good!
[LAUGHS UNEASY]
I read your freedom speech
on the toilet today
and I have to say I was moved.
Happy to hear it.
Say, here's the
Freedom Photo Competition.
Let's peruse.
Make way, pardon me.
Oh yeah, let's see,
a boy and a towel nice.
And a funny clown and a kitty.
Jerri Blank and Arnie Arsenew!
Hey, that's my boy!
Uh huh.
Hmmm.
It looks like two longshoremen
fighting over
ah! A squirrel
No, see, that's my one leg,
and that's my other leg,
and that's my
Snatch it down!
What!
Now snatch it down!
Jesus, Daddy, and the spook!
But she was just trying
to express myself.
That's the last thing
we need in Freedom Week.
Onyx!
I'm sorry, Minister.
This is exactly what
I was talking about!
It's just this kind of
degenerate behavior
that leads to recycling!
Jellineck, bring that photo
to my office tout suite!
What are you gonna do with it?
That photo will never see
the light of freedom!
[GROANS PLEADINGLY]
And then the troglodyte
hangs up this picture
and I mean, man
You can imagine, right, Mom?
Oh, I try not to.
Hey hey hey.
Oh, Jerri, I understand
you besmirched
the family name again today.
What were you thinking hanging
up that picture of yourself?
I don't blame Principal
Blackman for being shocked.
It is grotesque!
Look, it's not my problem
if people can't
handle a nude picture of me.
What?
It was naked as well?
Oh, good Lord!
What's it matter?
Blackman's got it now.
The whole thing's over.
[DING-DONG]
Mrs. Blank, I was just
on my way to go
play some tennis, and then
something occurred to me.
Is Jerri here?
Are you behind
this photograph fiasco?
It's Freedom Week,
Mrs. Blank.
It just happened.
It's bigger than both of me.
Jerri, you can't just
take this lying down.
But I'm just so comfortable,
and besides it's just
some stupid photo.
Let me tell you a little story.
Oh no.
I had a painting hang
in a gallery once,
and it was viciously censored.
Did someone snatch it
down like my photo?
No, nobody bought it.
Not even when
I slashed the price.
I was so disgusted
I pulled it from the gallery
and donated it
to the Crab Shanty restaurant.
And you know something?
They censored me as well,
because when I went there for
a bucket of Hush Puppies
it wasn't hung prominently.
Maybe it wasn't any good.
No Jerri, if this was an
isolated incident I'd say maybe,
but they did the
same thing to my novel,
my collection of poetry,
and my sportswear line.
Oh my God!
Don't you see what's
happening, Jerri?
They're trying to censor me
again by censoring you.
I don't wanna
cause any troubles.
Jerri, with that kinda attitude,
you're never gonna have
any pain in your life.
Don't you wanna be like
the great freedom fighters,
like Gandhi?
What happened to him?
They shot him in the stomach.
Or or Martin Luther King?
What happened to him?
They shot him in the head.
Or Bobby Kennedy?
Someone shoot him?
No, he drowned
in a car accident.
His brother was driving.
The point is Jerri
[PLOP]
If I didn't have your
neck to stick out there,
I would never go
through with this.
What do you say!?
Let me just think about it.
I'm gonna go see Derrick.
Should I fight censorship?
I know I'll take my mind off
my dilemma with news of
the latest Buddah Stalin
outrageousness.
"Buddah Stalin
Fights Censorship."
Why does that sound so familiar?
Think!
I'm just like Buddah Stalin!
I've gotta tell
Mr. Jellineck I'm in.
Mr. Jellineck, I'm in!
Great!
Hey, Jerri,
I thought we'd
have lunch together
and outline our plan of attack.
What do you think
about blockin' all the doors
and settin' fire to the school?
Can we talk about it later?
I'm really not that
hungry right now.
That's it!
Hunger strike!
We'll go on a hunger strike!
Both of us?
Yeah!
You won't eat,
and I won't feed you!
You'll be just like Bobby Sands!
What happened to him?
He starved to death.
[LAUGHING HAPPILY]
My informants tell me
that Blank is going
to try a hunger strike!
That couldn't have
been her idea.
It's that Jellineck
pulling the strings,
and that chubby mindless puppet,
is his chubby mindless puppet!
What's Geoffrey thinking?
He's being so rebellious,
like some leather-clad biker
with the smell of cheap
alcohol on his breath.
Tight pants creaking
like a rusty door hinge,
as he makes his way
across the bar
and pins you to the wall
with that smokey glare of his.
You wanna run, but you can't.
You can't move.
It's like he's
trapped you like some
helpless woodland creature.
You guys know what
that's like, right?
This is g this is good.
What is this?
This is really good.
Look, Onyx, Blank and that
fragile art teacher
are trying to threaten you,
and I swear,
if you bow to their threats,
I will destroy you!
Destroy me?
How you gonna destroy me?!
He's all loving and
Can you do that?
Let's see.
All right, Minister,
don't get your
vestments in a bind.
I will put a quick
and painful end
to this little demonstration.
I will bring her down!
[STUDENTS SHOUTING
ENCOURAGEMENT]
You can do it.
Yayy!
Yayy! Yayy!
Get in there!
C'mon, you can do it.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
Watch this.
Blank!
This is your principal speaking,
get out!
Freedom.
[STUDENTS CHANTING "FREEDOM"]
But, I my school!
Freedom! Freedom!
Freedom! Freedom!
Retreat, before
they eat us alive.
Alive I say!
It's a freedom frenzy out there!
She's bringing those
students together
and it's tearing
this school apart!
Noblet, break out the water
hoses and the dogs!
Right!
Um, I don't think we have those.
What kind of school is this?
I don't know, Onyx,
but maybe I should
have a little chat
with God about raining
fire down on its leaders!
Why don't you have
a little chat with God
and tell him to rain
fire down on Jerri Blank?
It doesn't work that way.
Wait, why are we panicking?
Without any food in there,
I'm sure Jerri can't
hold out for long.
Are you joking?
She can live off stored fat.
Her hips alone could take
us into the next semester.
We've got to bring
her down, now!
Look, we don't have
to break Blank!
Geoffrey's the key,
and I know all
about his keyhole!
Hmm-he-he. Hmm. Hmm-hm.
[SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENT]
Jerri! Jerri! Jerri!
Jellineck, what do
I have to do to get
you to stop this protest
hungry-strike?
This is about artistic freedom
and I am an artist.
I am unmovable.
Nothing can sway me.
I'll buy one of
your leaf collages
and hang it in the hall.
You got a deal, mister!
Jerri!
Jerri, we won!
We won! We won!
The shackles of censorship
have been shattered!
They're gonna
display my artwork?
No, they're gonna display mine!
Get on out of there,
let's go get somethin' to eat!
We'll get some breaded chops
or somethin', c'mon!
BUDDAH: wee-wee,
Popsicle, chicken soup ♪
No, I won't come out!
I will stay in this cage
until I am allowed to
express my expression!
But they won't buy my art.
I'm sorry!
Why are you censoring me, Jerri?
I hate you!
I can't believe
she didn't break!
How did they break Biko?
They beat him
to death with pipes.
I've got a pipe
in the back of my car.
Wait a minute, I've got
an idea of something
that'll hit her
a lot harder than a pipe.
[STUDENTS CLAMORING]
Blank!
Have you come to your senses?
Are you willing to call off
your hunger strike?
No I will not,
because freedom means
never having
to say you're hungry.
I'm sorry, Jerri,
you'll have to repeat that.
I couldn't hear you over the
roar of all this
Fudge!
Fudge!
I'll just set it right here
while you rethink
its chocolatiness.
I think she's fainted!
Oh
Oh
Oh that's good!
Oh my God!
Oh, that's real butter.
Oh man
STUDENT [GRUMBLING]:
I don't believe you, man.
Where are you going?
I'm so disappointed
in you, Jerri.
I thought you really meant
the things you hadn't said.
Wha?
Wait!
It was just a
little fudge break.
It's not over!
I'll be starvin' again
before you know it!
Sorry for your fruitless pain
and humiliation, Jerri.
Here's a little
consolation prize
Your picture.
This is just the head.
Yes, the minister kept the
naughty parts for safekeeping.
I think he's having
them laminated.
I'm sure you're as glad
as I am that this is all over,
though I have to admit,
it was a bold and stupid effort.
I couldn't find a pipe,
but I got this!
No need, Minister,
we've already administered
a vicious beating
of baked goods.
Fudge.
Freedom.
I guess that about says it all.
[THINKING]
What am I gonna do?
Buddah?
Wait a minute.
That's it!
All righty, then.
It's now time to judge
the best representation
of liberty
within the prescribed
limits of freedom.
Remember, the winner's work
will hang in the lunch room.
So, let's find that
lucky photo, huh?
I've got something to show!
Let me see that!
Now I know it's shocking
Hmm, shockingly arousing!
What did you do here, Blank?
Well, since all
I had was my head,
I cut out another body from
the centerfold of "Muff Parade".
We have a winner!
[APPLAUSE]
Can I get a copy of that?
Maybe without the
Consider it done.
Wait a minute!
Why isn't this naked photo
causin' a stink?
I don't know, Blank.
Somehow without
your body attached,
it doesn't seem so
Stinky.
Hmm hmm
Well as
Benjamin Franklin Jefferson
Grover Washington, Jr.
once said,
"The tree of liberty must be watered
periodically with the blood of patriots."
I don't know what that means,
but what I have learned is
that the sexier you are,
the more freedom you deserve.
Get out of my way!
Damn, now that's
a set of Manchesters!
The united hates
of a scare-rica ♪
you try to trap me
in your snare-rica ♪
but I've lured you
into my lair-rica ♪
now who's gonna answer
your prayer-rica ♪
diarrhea, milkshake
poo-poo ♪