Stuck in the Middle (2016) s03e02 Episode Script

1 - Hey, guys - We know don't touch the cookies.
Yeah, no need to make a "hands off" sign with a picture of you holding a bloody axe.
No, I was just writing, "Help yourself.
" [CHUCKLES.]
I feel like this is a trick.
I know.
Lately she's been generous, and nice, and smiling.
It's been really creeping me out.
[RACHEL.]
It's a wonderful day today It's a wonderful day today Things are going my way today I'm worried.
Rachel hasn't been her snarky self since she got back from her trip to Paris.
And she's been back for two weeks.
That vacation glow should've been gone five minutes into the ride home from the airport.
[BEAST.]
Thanks, Rachel! - Rachel just gave us each a buck.
- Why? She said just for being us.
And she did this to my hair.
Something's wrong with Rachel.
Maybe Rachel didn't come back from Paris.
Maybe it's an alien in a Rachel suit.
That would be terrible.
But also really cool! So I just need to [SPEAKING FRENCH.]
My French isn't great, but she said, "I can't talk now.
" Rachel's taken three years of French, and I've never heard her utter one word.
There's only one reason why she's busting that out now.
- A boy.
- [GASPS.]
You're right.
She must've met someone in Paris.
What was she doing in the closet? Hmm.
This suitcase is packed! Is she running away? No, that's crazy! We just overheard Rachel on the phone.
For a small fee we'll tell you what she said.
'Cause it's not like you're gonna give us a dollar for just being us.
Tell us, or for a small fee we won't crack your heads together for just being you! Sorry, I'm just really freaked out about this Rachel thing.
She said to the other person if all went well, she'd see them soon.
Also, I don't think she's an alien, because I spoke to her in alien, and she just looked at me weird.
You know that feeling you get when your sister's about to run away to a foreign country with some random guy you know nothing about? You don't? [SIGHS.]
Boy, I wish I was you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey Sometimes it feels like things are outta control Like you're living in a circus Tryin' to figure out your way in the world Where you're at is kinda perfect So turn it up, turn it up Do your thing, don't stop Let the games begin, let's jump right in I wanna get stuck with you In the middle of the party We're just getting started I wanna get stuck with you In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat I wanna get stuck with you Get stuck in the middle with you I wanna get stuck with you Rachel's running away? She must really like this boy.
She never packs this far in advance.
What do we do? What do we do? We wait until we have all the information.
We have to play this cool.
- [SIGHS.]
- No! Aah! What are you doing? Stopping you from running away to Paris with some random dude.
Ugh! I'm not running away.
Really? Then why is your suitcase packed? Because I never unpacked it from my last trip.
I was getting it to do laundry.
Okay, maybe you're still as lazy as ever, but we know something's up.
Fine.
[SIGHS.]
When I was in Paris, I heard about this university where my favorite fashion designer, Christian LaMond, is teaching an internship this semester.
I applied to the school and got in.
- Wow! - What?! It starts in two weeks! - Wow.
- What? I'm confused.
I got more excited, and you got less.
It's just we weren't expecting you to leave for college for six more months.
Yeah, I had a whole list of activities planned.
Double Dutch tournament, all-night Ryan Reynolds film festival, bicycle tour of all the local seafood hotspots, and I No offense, but you're making me wanna leave sooner.
I'm not spending the next six months eating clam chowder in bicycle pants.
[SIGHS.]
Come on! I need your help to sell Mom and Dad on me leaving.
But how can we convince them when we don't want you to go? If you had a chance to do some amazing inventor thing, I'd support it.
I'd think it was lame and boring, but I'd support it.
Because if your brothers and sisters don't support your dreams, who will? Hang on, two weeks, then "Adios, Rachel"? Yes, except it'll be au revoir, Rachel.
But I'll only be able to do it with your support.
Actually, I'm gonna do it anyway, but it'll be a lot smoother.
Well, I am not on board.
I'm not good with change.
When Dumpster Jack got food poisoning and they replaced him with Dumpster Al, couldn't even get out of bed.
If you try to leave, you will get it.
And be warned, these are not soft bristles.
I'm just gonna They're not gonna help my case with Mom and Dad.
Which closet should we lock them in? Better idea.
I've got a coupon for free frozen yogurt.
Ethan will take you to the mall.
- [ALL.]
Yeah! - No way! I wanna see Mom and Dad's reaction.
I've got five bucks on Mom crying any takers? Hm.
[ALL GASP.]
The blackmail book.
For years now, Rachel's been keeping a list of every bad thing us Diaz kids have ever done.
Not because she likes to make lists.
Because she can use it to her advantage.
Fold this.
What? No, that's your job.
Okay, then I'll tell Mom and Dad what you did last week.
You know about that? Yep, and it's all in here.
I might miss you, but I'm not gonna miss that book.
And if you think I'm visiting you in Paris, away from Mom and Dad, surrounded by cute French girls Anyone need anything at the mall? Guys, we're supposed to be getting froyo, not messing with a bunch of lipsticks.
It says "tester.
" That's what we're doing.
I thought you guys said you wanted to get Rachel a going-away gift.
You guys look like you flunked out of clown college.
Loser clown.
That's what I was going for.
Hey, guys.
Sniff this body spray.
Smells like that one time Rachel yelled at us for sitting too close to her.
It does.
I'm gonna miss her so much.
This is the lipstick she used to write "Don't touch my stuff" on her mirror.
[LEWIE.]
All right, guys, ready to move on to hair care.
Mm.
Be strong.
I'll be over there.
You're gonna wanna get that BB cream.
My sister swears by it.
But you'll need the right contour blender to go with that.
This primer is two dollars more, but it'll extend your concealer for at least a month.
You're never gonna achieve that look without the proper brush.
I wouldn't get that one.
They say it's non-comedogenic It's not.
I wouldn't have pegged you as a makeup expert.
What's your secret? Three sisters and a long car ride to school.
I'm Jayden, the manager.
How would you like to work at Me, Myself, and Eyeshadow? Me at a makeup store? I don't know.
It is a nice clientele.
Everything in this store reminds us of Rachel! We never wanna come back here again! I'll take it.
You can't put it off any longer.
Time to tell Mom and Dad.
Remember, you have the full support of everyone in the family who doesn't have baby teeth.
What if they say no? They won't say no.
Mom and Dad are always supportive of their kids following their dreams.
Look at Georgie.
They pay for all those team uniforms, and all that equipment, and she never even plays.
But they still let her.
And look at the inventions Harley builds.
A lot of them end up exploding and causing damage, but they still let her.
You know what, stay focused on Rachel.
But remember to fight about this later.
- Hmm.
- You want us to come with you? No, it's hard to prove I'm independent with my two sisters standing behind me - like my backup singers.
- [BOTH.]
Mm.
Huh.
So, let me get this straight.
Instead of going to college six months from now, you feel you're ready to move to Paris in 11 days.
Ugh, I can't really hear anything through this.
But I guess we're just lucky it's not exploding or causing damage.
I thought we were having that fight later.
[SCOFFS.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Laughter! They're celebrating.
She did it! [GIGGLING.]
Yes! [PARENTS LAUGHING.]
There's no way that's happening.
[LAUGHING.]
I'm sorry! We held it together as long as we could.
- We did.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I can't believe you're saying no to college.
Oh, no, no, we're not saying no to college.
We're saying no to college overseas in 11 days.
Guys, this is a paid internship with Christian LaMond.
I promise, I'll do anything.
You promise us all kinds of things, and you never come through.
"Buy me a new phone and I'll take pictures for the family album.
" "Let me use the car, and I'll clean out Daphne's playhouse.
" "Let me stay at Zia's, and I'll make sure Lewie and Beast brush their teeth.
" Ooh, and don't forget we have a broken swing set out back because we let you go to a party instead of babysit.
You haven't kept a single promise.
A responsible person makes promises, and keeps them.
Let me go to Paris, and I swear - it'll be different.
- Sorry, Rach.
Start showing us you can be responsible and mature, and maybe we'll let you go in the fall.
But I won't have an internship in the fall.
And I'm mature enough now! Besides what I did there.
[BOTH.]
Congratulations! [GIGGLING.]
For what? They said no.
But we heard them laughing.
At me, not with me.
They said I'm not responsible.
They had a whole list of promises I didn't keep.
They make it seem like I never do anything I say I will.
In their defense, you are wearing the shirt you told Mom you'd never borrow again.
It's over! And I already wasted all that time mentally picking out my outfits for the first week.
[RACHEL SIGHING.]
It's not over.
You just have to prove to them you can change.
They made a list, - you make one, too.
- What? Make a list of everything you promised Mom and Dad, and here's a twist: you actually finish it.
They will not see that coming.
Yes! This could be like my apology tour.
And everyone loves an apology tour.
Great.
How many things did you promise them you'd do? [SIGHS.]
A ton.
When you really don't plan on doing them, you promise anything.
Guys, I love this idea, but it would take months.
Good thing you've got six siblings to help.
[ETHAN SIGHS.]
Look at you! You are a makeup-selling machine! Well, I don't know about machine.
Most machines don't have hair this good.
Hi.
Do you guys do makeovers? Uh, yeah.
Gwen usually takes care of those, - but Ethan's free.
- Me? Yeah.
You said you did makeovers when I hired you, right? Yes, that is something I said.
Okay, makeover's done.
Good luck at your sister's wedding.
What?! I look terrible! I, uh Uh, I But the problem was I kept adding stuff trying to make you look better than you do naturally.
Yeah, I should've known that was impossible.
Really? Thanks! Now, I don't wanna make my manager jealous, so I better let you out the fire exit.
I need you guys' help so Mom and Dad will let me go away.
I'll be leaving in six months anyway.
And if you help me, I'll give you something to dry your tears with.
[ALL GASP.]
Mm-hmm.
The blackmail book.
Ultimate power.
Unless you want one of the other kids to have it.
We're in.
[HARLEY.]
So, with our help, Rachel set out to make good on her promises.
Fix the swing set.
Daphne made sure the hammers worked.
Teach Lewie and Beast the art of flossing.
Dare to clean Daphne's playhouse.
Ah! Show Ethan how to do a makeover.
This one was for the love of the game.
Sweep the driveway and the gutters at the same time thanks to my clever invention.
Listen to this cover [RACHEL LAUGHING.]
Maybe a little too clever.
In one messy day, we completed ten years of promises.
I'm never one to follow a plan, so I added a little of my own jush water cannons, umbrellas for rainy days, snack ferrying system, and best of all the Diaz family flag.
- I am ready to go - [CHEERING.]
Saying hello, hello Come and let me Come and let me know Saying hello, hello Hello I don't believe it.
You made good on every single one of your promises.
I even did some stuff that wasn't on my list.
Like teaching Ethan how to do a makeover.
I didn't want him to lose his job or his 20% employee discount.
I didn't think you had it in you to get all this done so fast.
I had some help.
The fact you got anyone to help is even more impressive.
And double bonus points for Daphne.
[RACHEL, TOM CHUCKLING.]
We asked you to step up, and you did.
I hate to say it, but she proved herself.
I think we have to let her go to Paris.
You guys lived up to your end of the bargain, so I'm living up to mine.
Uh, this is blank.
Yeah, it is.
But none of the other kids know that.
That's why that book's so powerful.
Everyone does bad stuff, and I got them all convinced that whatever they do is right in there.
That is so cold.
I can't believe I didn't think of it myself.
Just a little more blush and ta-da! Ugh! You look great.
Wh What's wrong? My friend came in here the other day, and you told her that she looked beautiful without any makeup, but you put all this makeup on me.
Y-You must think Uh the-the truth is, I kept putting makeup on you because I was trying to work up the nerve to ask you out.
Everything okay over here? Totally! We're dating now.
What do you think it's gonna be like without Rachel in the house? We're gonna miss her.
And based on this suitcase, so will the mall.
You can stop packing.
Why? I just heard from the school.
I took too long to enroll.
They gave away my slot.
I'm not going.
I don't understand.
How can this happen? The school changed the deadline to enroll, and I didn't know.
They said there's nothing they can do.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sad.
But I'm also kind of happy.
In a way, this all worked out we get to support Rachel, and now we get to keep her.
But that school jerked Rachel around.
She worked hard.
She deserves to go.
You're right.
Now I'm mad! Great, because we're gonna call that school right now and tell 'em they have to accept her.
You bet we are.
Quick, let's do it before my feelings change again.
No one tells my sister she can't go to Yeah, not sure how to say the name of the school, but no one tells her she's not going there.
You took French, so I'll do the talking, you do the translating.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Bonjour.
Tell her it's the family of Rachel Diaz.
We demand to know why you change your deadline to enroll, and not tell people.
It's totally unfair that they won't admit her because of a stupid technicality! What do you have to say for yourself?! We want answers! C'est la famille des Rachel Diaz.
Nous exi exi ous Oh! My goodness! She said she speaks English.
And that my French is not very good.
Hello? Oh, you you heard all that? Well, I'm sorry for yelling, but my sister is very upset.
Yes, Rachel Diaz.
What? But I thought Oh.
I see.
- Thank you.
- What'd she say? The school didn't give Rachel's spot away.
She pulled her application.
We know how down you must be, so we brought you something to help you feel better.
- Thanks.
- Wait.
Exactly why did the school change the deadline? - Hmm.
- Hmm.
They didn't say.
And I was too devastated to ask.
Funny, because you don't seem that upset now.
Why is that? That's how the new, mature Rachel handles thing.
Now give me the ice cream.
How dare you lie to us with a delicious mouthful of ice cream? We called the school and found out you withdrew your application.
Why would you do that? And after everything we did to help you? I I just feel like maybe it's not the right time.
I am kind of leaving Mom and Dad in the lurch, and you idiots would never be able to survive without me.
And you know, I might not be ready to leave the family yet.
Can you repeat that? Without chocolate chips.
Look, when we were doing all the stuff on my list, it was really fun.
I'll miss everybody.
Huh.
All Rachel's brave talk about wanting to leave the nest.
.
turns out she's afraid to fly This is am amazing opportunity.
It's your dream internship.
You can't pass this up.
And yes, you'll miss the family whenever you leave to college.
But you'll never really lose us.
We'll always be there for you.
Yeah, like that cowlick you spent an hour trying to straighten every day you're never getting rid of us.
[ALL LAUGH.]
[SUZY.]
Have the best time, and promise me we'll video-chat once a week.
Twice a week.
Just call me every morning when you wake up.
- [TEARFUL LAUGHTER.]
- Wow this is hard.
Oh, Mom's doing that dumb thing where she pinches her ear so she doesn't cry.
[[VOICE BREAKING.]
You guys are really pathetic.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
[ALL SNIFFLING.]
We got you a going-away present.
We all agreed you should have it.
I know one more that's going in here.
- Group selfie! - [CHEERING.]
Got some sunshine in her pocket Goin' round the world One day she's gonna fly [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
- [SUZY.]
We love you.
- I love you.
- Have a great flight.
- We're gonna shi-i-i-ne - Bye.
- Love you.
She's gonna sh-i-i-i-ine She's gonna sh-i-i-i-ine So bright, so bright, so bright [SUZY.]
Well, looks like it's Georgie's turn to take over the sweet seat.
I kinda like my seat in the back.
Um Ethan, you can have it.
Ladies before gentlemen.
Harley, you take it.
Little kids should sit up front so they can see.
Lewie, Beast you can fight it out.
[SIGHS.]
I'm good.
Yeah, I need to sit by him.
I'm only passing 'cause I already have a good seat.
Dreamer girl [HARLEY.]
Maybe Rachel was ready to leave.
But none of us were ready to take her place.
One day she's gonna fly And when she waves good-bye I won't be sad 'cause in my heart I'll know the reason why She's gonna sh-i-i-i-ine She's gonna sh-i-i-i-ine She's gonna sh-i-i-i-ine So bright, so bright, so bright [CAR HORN HONKS.]