Taskmaster (2015) s03e02 Episode Script

1
Hello there! I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.
Five of the nation's most
competitive comedians
are going head to head
in hope of winning
my head in all its golden glory.
Wooo!
Yes, at the end of
all five episodes,
one of them will be awarded
the Taskmaster trophy
and that person's career
will at last take off.
Let's meet our contestants.
They are
Al Murray!
Dave Gorman!
Paul Chowdhry!
Rob Beckett!
Sara Pascoe!
And next to me, on his
slightly smaller throne,
is Alex Horne. But
who is Alex Horne?
Mm-hm. Well, you've
given me some notes,
and according to your notes
that you've written
I'm your official secretary.
I have some skills and an
equal number of weaknesses.
For example, I steal things.
So that's, uh, my résumé
that you wrote.
Aw, that's true, isn't it?
Have you ever stolen anything?
- Yes.
- What?
I've stolen a-a car.
No, in real life.
I stole a car.
Yeah, last year.
- Oh, recently, as well?
- Yeah, yeah.
So it wasn't, like,
childish hi-jinks.
No, it was unlocked and the
keys were in the ignition,
and I stole a car.
Er, on with the show. Um
Today's prize category.
What have these people
brought in for me?
OK, it's quite a niche
one this time.
The five rivals have been
asked to bring in
the heaviest item that
can fit in a shoe box.
OK? So whoever brings
in the heaviest item
that can fit in a shoe box,
they'll win the first
maximum points of the show.
Whoever wins the
episode will win five
shoe boxes full of heavy items.
All to play for.
Where to start?
Paul. Hello.
How you doing, man?
I'm doing better now.
What heavy item did you bring,
and why am I gonna give
you all the points for it?
Because, uh, it's heavy.
Really? What is it?
Melon, innit?
A lot of melon.
It is a lot of melon.
'Cause it's a watermelon.
Is melon something traditionally
associated with heavy weight?
I mean, I think
I think of words that I would
pop before "weight"
- to emphasise the heaviness.
- I just love melons.
I'd say "lead", maybe.
Lead
Melon.
Melon
Who shall we have a
look at next? Dave?
Yeah, I brought a lump of marble
that I dug out of my garden.
Oh, that looks heavy.
You've got a garden full
of marble, yeah?
We had a garden that was
massively overgrown
when we moved in, and we
had to clear it all.
And I think it was a
collapsed sort of
bird table or something.
It would've been nice
if you could've taken
some time to scrub that
bird shit off it.
Um, Al. What did Al bring us?
I brought Alan Bullock's
classic history,
Parallel Lives.
'Cause that is really,
really heavy.
Wow.
It's pretty offensive,
but why have you
censored out the shoe box instead?
The shoe box has got its
own Hitler moustache.
Suddenly melon seems fine, don't it?
Sara, what did you bring in?
I have brought a poisonous snake.
It's very heavy, so the lid is shut.
- OK.
- And it's very poisonous.
Have we weighed the snake?
Well, no. I wasn't allowed
to approach the box.
I was told there needed
to be a handler.
So we don't
I haven't weighed it.
I think it's about
How much was the marble?
27 kilograms.
I think this is about 32.
Well, it's up to you, isn't it?
Well, if it hasn't been weighed,
then it's null and void, right?
Well, she said it was 32.
Yeah.
It's just about whether you
trust me or not.
Oh, I don't.
Rob?
Oh, yeah. I've got some concrete.
Oh, yeah?
I tell you, that cat
will not leave me alone.
So that's it, innit? Rob's from
south-east London.
Bish, bash, bosh. Fill it
full of concrete. Done.
- OK.
- Good luck with this.
Er, shall I go in last place?
You? You're putting
yourself in last?
Yeah, OK.
- Words. They've very tricky, aren't they?
- You wouldn't fit in that.
I'm gonna put Sara because I've not
been able to weigh her snake.
- I'm sorry.
- OK. No, no, don't apologise.
In fourth place, I, um
Guess what? I'm putting
Paul Chowdhry
for putting some fucking
melon in a box.
Whilst I appreciate Al's cunning,
I'm gonna Al in third place
because there's not enough history
to that definition of "heavy".
"What? That'll do."
Number one is Dave.
He brought the heaviest
thing in. Bam.
OK, on with the next task.
Please, Alex.
Here we go. Hold on to your hats
or put your hats away. Here it is.
Right.
What have we here?
Is it gonna pop up?
That was out of order, man.
Scary clown. D'you wanna
see his horrible face?
It's like Saw, innit?
Tonight we're gonna play a game.
Little things are more fun, ain't they?
"Surprise Alex"
"Surprise Alex when he emerges
from his shed in one hour."
"Your time starts now."
Could I move the shed?
Oh, that was what this
is a metaphor for.
Like, it's a surprise.
How far away do his family live?
Go and kidnap his
children from school.
If he comes out the shed
and there they are,
that would surprise him,
wouldn't it?
Are his kids in school?
What if we kidnapped his kids
and tied them to a chair
outside the shed? I mean,
that would surprise him!
The first thing we should
address is Al and Sara.
I would argue, if Alex
came out of his shed
and his children were just there
that would be quite a surprise.
And yet both of you
wanted to take them
against their will.
Didn't you suggest tying
them up as well, Sara?
It's 'cause kids wriggle around.
You have to keep them
in their place.
D'you know who
I wanna see first?
Yes, I do.
- Paul Chowdhry.
- OK.
We can do that.
Let's see how Paul's mind works.
OK.
I feel like there's something
That's horrible.
Blood on the thing.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good. That's horrendous.
Brown Clown.
Brown Clown. Is that
what you're called?
Well, thank you for that,
Brown Clown.
- Very scary.
- Very good, very good.
That's Paul debuting his new
children's character
Brown Clown.
Given that Alex had
sort of set the task
and we'd put a clown in a box
Like a human one, innit?
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Sure, I knew that was you.
You won't be able to get a brown
clown in that small box,
so I thought, if I did
the real thing
You were pretty surprised, innit?
I mean, I was quite surprised.
So, I'd been in there for an hour.
This is what I do. I go in there,
I do my secretarial duties.
I knitted you some little booties.
- Aw, thanks.
- Aww!
Yeah, couple of them.
They're nice, thank you.
I came out and I saw the box,
and I was surprised
to see the box,
but I did think there's probably
a clown in the box.
Yeah.
If there was a surprise-o-meter,
how high would it have gone?
It's a massive "if".
- Big if, innit?
- Yeah.
- About that high.
- That high?
I wanna know how long
you were in the box
hiding as the Brown Clown for?
About 45 minutes.
Do you want to move on to Sara?
I mean, honestly?
I wanna stay here all night.
Ohh. I love you, Paul.
Yeah, let's move on to Sara.
OK.
I mean, presumably,
someone's gonna get hurt.
Yeah, someone did.
Let's have a look.
Yeah
I guess I should be concerned.
You alright, Joel?
What do you do? You tickle them?
Shall I untie you?
Can you hear me?
Ugh it's horrible.
When I set the task
and after you'd all completed them
I don't get many details,
but I did ask Alex
which ones he thought
were surprising.
And he said, and this
is a direct quote,
he said, "For the smallest
part of a second"
"I did think maybe Sara
had killed someone."
That's how competitive I am.
Never do a surprise birthday party.
For the kids.
- "Wanna see a cake?"
- "Surprise!"
"Oh, it's the head of a rabbit."
What about the surprise-o-meter?
I mean, I don't quite
know what shape
the surpriseometer is.
It's the surprise-o-METER.
Oh, sorry.
I guess, on the surprise-o-meter,
it's about the same as the clown.
OK. It was a valiant and
disturbing effort.
Who's next? Al's?
- Let's have a look at a Al's.
- Here is Al Murray's attempt.
I think that was more
surprising than that.
That's really surprising.
The gong?
What, this?
You've not seen it before.
Lovely physique, but
that look at that.
I mean, the dong and the gong.
How many horns?
Four.
Yep.
You're a four-horn surprise.
Amazing!
We didn't provide that gong for Al.
No, Al has the slight advantage of
living near the Taskmaster house,
so he could source a
gong within an hour.
I play drums on the side
and I knew that there's a
there's a gong rental place
up the road.
Al, I thought it was
phenomenal and awful.
Surprise-o-meter?
I mean, genuinely, it was
the most surprising,
'cause it was deafening.
Most surprising so far.
OK! Time for a break.
How will Dave and Rob surprise Alex
when he comes out of his shed?
Find out in part two.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where one of our lucky comedians
will be heading home with
a block of concrete,
a lump of marble and some
rotting watermelon.
Alex, how is the last task going?
It's going OK.
It's often been more disturbing
than surprising,
but there's two more to see.
We're gonna see Rob Beckett,
but first
Mr Dave Gorman. Here we go.
Is there a Gorman?
Oh, is there two parts? Is it?
Oh, OK. I like this.
OK.
It says, "Dear Alex, please
press the blue button."
- Waaargh!
- Oh!
Good, good, good.
Why's he got that there?
Is he actually naked?
I said "boxers" and
he misunderstood.
Right.
That's the best one.
Very nice. My first question is
How come you get to keep
your clothes on
and the camera crew don't?
I make the rules.
It's my go.
And also
I'm gonna surprise him by
not being there.
So the idea of surprising
him by not being there
but being naked doesn't
really stack up.
- Checks out.
- You buying that?
I'm buying that.
He did also buy them.
You paid them a certain
amount of money
to take their clothes off.
Yeah, I, er
Is that right?
It's about 200 quid, I think.
200 quid each?!
No, between them! Between them.
Between them. Right.
I don't know how they divvied it up,
but there was 200 quid on the table.
Is that, like, low-rent
prostitution?
Were you surprised?
Yeah, I mean, the surprise was
over a longer period of time,
so it wasn't as immediate
as the air horns.
- Right.
- Or the dead body.
And then we have the clown. So, um
I was-- I was surprised.
OK, let's see how Rob did.
Let's see if he was surprising.
Alex, you've been a bad boy!
Surpriiiise!
There's quite
a lot going on there.
Quite a lot.
Were you surprised?
Quite surprising, yeah.
Quite surprising.
Thank you, Rob.
- Sorry.
- Thank you for that.
Sorry, are you alright?
Are you wet?
Well, I mean, incredible, right?
He was reasonably caring.
After he did it, he said,
"Are you wet?"
Which is nice.
When you were cackling,
dressed as a nan on that sofa
I thought I saw your teeth
visibly growing,
you were so pleased
with yourself.
They do when I get
really excited.
I mean, it's just mad.
Where did the nan thing come from?
Basically, when we were filming that,
I'd had a kid the week before
and had about 10 hours' sleep
and I think I'd gone mad.
I think that was like the
beginning of a breakdown.
We've got our winner. There he is.
Instinct tells me,
possibly, number two
All those hours down the gym
have paid off for Al Murray.
It was the barrage on the senses
in general that was impressive.
So it was the And then
it was the noise.
Yeah, how many air horns?
Four.
Yeah.
Second place, ladies
and gentlemen.
Let's not say Paul's
definitely last
but I'll pop Clown in,
just for now.
I'm gonna put Dave ahead of Sara
purely because he used
bribery, nakedness
There's a hint of sexual
exploitation in there.
And then he jumped out of
a bush and said, "Boo!"
Done, there it is.
It's done, ladies and gentlemen.
Right, let's find out how
they're doing at this stage.
Well, after two rounds,
we have an early leader,
and that is Mr Rob Beckett.
The nan jet-wash cliché
pays dividends.
Fantastic. Let's have another
task, please, Alex.
OK, this one is the first
team task of the series.
Oooh.
Hello!
There's a Gonk.
Pardon? A Gonk?
- What d'you call him?
- A Troll.
Oh! Just different generations.
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
So, one of you wanna?
Paul?
"Your time starts now."
- Oh, what's the question?
- What? Nothing!
Taskmaster!
- "Your time starts now."
- "Your time starts now."
"Your time starts now."
That's all it says.
Care to explain?
There's a message in a bottle.
Is that relevant?
"Dear blank, with love."
OK, it's not that then.
No.
Have you got a task in
your hand? Anything?
- No.
- What are you doing?
- There we go!
- Oh! Oooh!
He's tied up.
Ah, that's locked with
a combination on it.
- I can pick that.
- There might be something in there.
Can you pick that?
Pens
Perhaps there's something
written on that
- in UV!
- A-ha!
"Release Alex. Fastest wins."
Right. OK, so the key
is needed, I guess.
Yeah.
Which is in here.
My first question is,
have you two
Have you ever met each
other's parents?
'Cause you're clearly
brother and sister.
I sometimes get that
people who are trying
to be horrible to me
on the internet
saying that I'm just you in a wig.
Who says that?
- But I don't take it as an insult.
- We've just seen that!
Well, that's your future,
with a jet wash.
That's me. That's me in my 70s.
Oh, nan.
Really good. So, um
Paul, you can pick any lock, right?
Any lock. Any lock.
Did you successfully pick that lock?
- Didn't pick that one, but
- Ah.
Shall we start with the siblings?
The siblings!
So, let's see the, uh
sinister Aryan twins.
Mummy says we're good at puzzles.
So what would you use?
Would you use a biro?
I've never busted someone
out of jail.
Let's bend him over the table.
I'll put a torch on.
Oops.
You're making it slightly tighter.
Well, it's not my problem, is it?
It's purple.
They are very tight
now, aren't they?
- They really are.
- You've really tightened them, man.
Oh, it's a secret message, maybe!
"Release Alex. Fastest wins."
Well, where's the clue?!
"Look on the phone."
What?
Where's the phone?
"Look on the phone."
Why's there spunk on
your phone, Alex?
No wonder you've been locked up,
you dirty bastard.
"Look on the phone."
Pictures of phones
Ah!
Aahhh!
911 to get in this
little bastard.
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- We need to do the puzzle.
Absolute joke.
I've never done a speedy
puzzle before
and I think I'm enjoying it.
There's a message on the back.
Hey!
Not a pussy, mate.
Oh, Rob!
Rob Beckett!
Now we're doing in the harder way.
We are.
OK, OK. What's it say?
Karma by Gregory Davies.
Here we go.
So it's page 72.
Page 72, word 14.
Word 14 on this page
12, 13, 14 "shedding".
"Shedding" In the shed?
Oh! Yeah?
It's open.
There's a cracker.
I've got the stuff in here.
Is there stuff in there?
It's those peas again.
"Look behind the picture."
This picture?
Nope. Oh, there's loads
of pictures here.
You go and look on
all the pictures.
Oh, it's not in his hand, is it?
Oh, you fucking arsehole.
I nearly looked in there.
You kept it shut.
- What happened?
- It's in his hand.
What, the picture
was in his hand?
No, the
- What, the key?
- Yeah!
Stop the clock.
Oh, I see!
Two blonde kids having
fun together.
Two Aryan twins solving problems.
Yep.
Couple of Nazi kids
freeing a prisoner.
We have to stop for a break now.
Come back and see if
Dave and Al and Paul
tackled the task in
a faster time.
- Bye-bye!
- Bye-bye.
Welcome back.
There are five shoe boxes
up for grabs tonight
and one of them might
contain a dead snake.
Am I right in thinking we were
partway through a task?
You are always right
in thinking, Greg.
We are about to see if the
beards can prove that
that three heads are better
than two. Here we go.
You might have a key on you.
No, no
Maybe there are some numbers
There's got to be numbers in
the room that tell us the
You know Karma Test,
Gregor Davies.
There's 268 pages in this book.
Wanna try 268? I mean,
it's not gonna be 268.
That might be a number
available to us.
The barometer?
Pens
There's a penny here.
String.
Is it on here?
"Look on the phone."
Look on the phone, on the phone.
I mean, all the numbers are here.
That's the nature of phones.
Which one has four on?
So it's nine, nine, seven
There's probably another phone.
That's maybe where we're, um
making our hideous blunder.
There's got to be another
phone somewhere.
There's got to be another
phone somewhere.
It's a good lock, this.
Ah, Greg's holding a phone
in that picture.
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. There you go. 911.
- 911.
We are a trio of dickheads.
There we go.
Oh, for God's sake.
The letter is on the upside--
The lettering's on
the upside down.
"Page". It's gonna be
"turn to page".
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So we're looking for a number.
There's a two.
The Gregor Davies book.
So it's the Taskmaster book.
Page 72, word 34.
31, 32, 33, 34
"Was."
Can't be right.
Oh, 14.
One, two, three, four, five, 13
"Shedding." Shed.
"Look behind a picture."
Behind the pic?
Behind Greg's picture?
Could be.
Anything on there?
- That's not
- Where's the?
Ah, there's a photograph of a key.
It's in It's in his hands.
Thanks, Al.
Thanks, Dave. Thank you, Paul.
Three great minds
or a trio of dickheads.
Paul's one of the great criminal
minds of our time, isn't he?
I believe you were still
picking the lock for
It's only 'cause he thought
there was some melon in it.
He wouldn't have been able to
lift it if there was melon in it.
It's why there was three of 'em.
They had two people.
I had these two distracting me.
If you'd have done that
task on your own,
you'd still be there trying
to pick that lock.
I would have got it sooner
or later, though.
And I'll tell you this,
I'd watch that television.
Incredible. Well, I don't
think there's gonna be
a big surprise here about
who's won, but
This team, the beards, their
overall time was 27 minutes
and 37 seconds. Nearly half an hour.
You probably You probably knew that.
Sara and Rob took 16 minutes
and 46 seconds.
So, moving on.
Hey, Alex, do you have something
quick we could see?
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Okey dokey.
"Create the best upside-
down self-portrait
using only the materials supplied."
I don't understand the
upside-downness.
"The Taskmaster will
judge the picture
when it has been rotated
180 degrees."
So I've got to make it
upside down on here.
Right, OK, I get that.
No, you don't have
to be upside down.
What?
The picture does, but you
can be the right way up.
Right, OK, right! Yeah, good.
I'm with you now. OK.
"You have 20 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Well, it's pretty straightforward.
A task you were excited by?
I really got into it. I really
enjoyed it, and
felt a moment of
creative expression
that I hadn't felt in a long time.
He wasn't in his pants again, was he?
Upside down.
Four air horns out. Beeep!
- Four.
- Four.
Do you wanna see Al really
getting into it?
- Do I?
- OK.
We can see them all having a go.
What is this?
Ketchup. Ketchup?
That looks a lot like mustard and
ketchup and brown sauce.
- What's this?
- Red.
This isn't brown sauce, is it?
It's brown sauce.
What's that?
White.
Squirty cream? They're not
paints, they're sauces!
- What's this?
- Green.
Burger sauce. Mustard.
Okey dokey, then.
Ugh. Cheap, vinegary shit, that.
If anyone touches this with
their hands, they're gross.
Alright, I think
it's an exciting time for
art right now, isn't it?
I'm an artist. I'm a proper artist.
Look at it. It's dripping out.
Look, the squirt is
isn't as good.
Condiments have never
been my medium.
I've run out of brown.
You should have provided
me with more brown.
You know this.
This is racist.
You obviously gave me loads
of white, no brown.
Done.
Didn't expect there to be
any racial tension
during an exercise of spraying
condiments against a brick wall.
They had an unfair advantage,
all of them,
'cause there was loads of white spray.
- There was not enough brown sauce.
- There was brown sauce. There was
There was more white,
though, innit?
- Well
- Was there more white?
No.
It was cream.
You always come up with
these excuses.
What, "you people"?
Do you wanna see all
five portraits?
Yes.
So you've just got to judge
which one's best, which one's worst,
and then also second and
fourth and also third.
I can do it in that
order, if you like.
Wanna start with best?
Mine ran 'cause
the wall was wet.
And yet to scale.
I love them.
So Sara's is the only
full-length one.
She's not done her face,
and her hair is going up.
Yeah.
I was doing a handstand
in the picture.
Sure.
So that way I could paint it
the right way up.
That's how I do a handstand.
You know, I genuinely presumed
that's what you were doing.
I thought, "Yeah, that's
a handstand portrait."
You don't see many of them
in the National Portrait Gallery.
Not as many as there should be.
It's technically
a portrait, right?
Yes. A portrait is a "painting,
drawing, photograph
or engraving of a person,
especially one depicting"
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm bored.
OK.
Oh man.
Who's your favourite?
Pick your favourite.
I think it's Al Murray's.
It was lovely, yeah.
- Do you know why?
- No.
There's a sadness to those
condiment eyes.
Definitely.
So we've got first.
Do you wanna go second?
Yeah, I'm gonna give it to Sara,
just for her creativity.
It's a handstand.
- Bam. It's in.
- OK. That's good.
Third, fourth, fifth?
I'm gonna give third to Dave,
because that face
gives me an element of joy.
Because I think he's
making this noise
"Beh!"
And I can't separate the
madness on the bottom,
so we'll put them in joint last place.
- Bam. Done it.
- OK, good. OK.
- Done. It's over.
- Done. Good.
Hey, what's that done to
our scoreboard, Alex?
- We have a runaway leader so far.
- Get out of town.
Leading the whole way through
so far is Mr Rob Beckett.
He's on 16 points!
Two tasks to go.
What's next, Alex?
We have another task.
- Hi, Al.
- Hi.
Hi.
Is it in here?
Yeah.
I don't like popping balloons.
You don't like popping balloons?
- Nah.
- Oh.
I've got it.
Very suspicious, Al.
They look like they're in
Morse code or something.
- Do they?
- The balloons, yeah.
Four dots, three dashes,
or something. I dunno.
Done!
Oh, it's the
Taking the piss, mate.
"Pop the balloons. Fastest wins."
"Your time starts when you
pop the next balloon."
Oh, good God! I actually hadn't
even noticed those.
Ooh! Oh!
Yeah, not ideal if I do
that approach, is it?
Pop all the balloons
Time starts when I do my
first one. Right, OK.
How am I supposed to
pop these balloons?
Look how long that took.
I've already lost this task.
Time doesn't start yet.
Pop all of the balloons
as quickly as you can.
Simple task.
But the time starts when you
pop your first balloon.
Now these are intelligent people.
They're not just gonna steam
in and just start
- popping the balloons.
- No, no, 'cause they can make a plan.
- They can get something to
- They're gonna think about it.
Yeah.
Do you want to start
with Dave and Sara?
Yeah.
Haven't even got keys in my pocket.
That's annoying.
OK.
That one made a funny noise!
Oo, another funny noise!
All popped?
Yeah, they are all popped.
Thanks, Dave.
I mean, fascinating.
Medically fascinating.
So, Dave was particularly feral.
He used his beard at times.
He just sort rammed on.
One minute fifty.
You know what I think about when
I think of Dave Gorman?
"Feral."
Yeah, one minute 50. Sub two.
Sara also sub two.
One minute 50
eight.
Ohh!
Was that the slow-mo ones
you were doing?
Yeah!
OK, let's go to a logical brain.
Paul.
Really?
OK. We can see Paul and Rob together.
- Let's.
- OK.
Could be a winner.
Has anyone-- Is there
a lighter anywhere?
This could pop some with one hand.
It's quite dangerous, but, uh
It's the old
knuckleduster trick.
You know?
What if I get one in each hand?
Fastest wins. Alright.
Right.
Shoryuken!
These balloons are bastards, mate.
They're bastards, innit?
Oh, one left!
Bastard.
I mean, it's a bit like watching
the evolution of humankind,
this show, really.
First we see the very basic
primates using their teeth
and then they discover tools.
I've seen that in Mortal Kombat.
I got the reference.
No, that was Street Fighter II.
Oh, I didn't get the reference.
And nice to see that
you're consistent
with your use of the word
"bastard", as well.
Last episode, you called a rabbit
covered in a Slush
Puppie a bastard.
Now it's the turn of the
balloon community.
That was a snowman
in the last one.
It wasn't a snowman, mate.
Good, though. Really good.
Rob?
Yeah, I basically started off
with a corkscrew and
another corkscrew.
Yeah, you could say two corkscrews.
I had two corkscrews
but one was better,
so I started doing that,
but in the end I just went
for one-handed swipes like
a sort of angry cat.
Very impressive, but how
impressive was it time-wise?
Weirdly, Paul wasn't that much s
quicker than the biters.
One minute 26.
Quicker, but not that much.
Rob, who sort of
treated them like wine bottles,
unscrewed them
Thirty-one point six seconds.
Woo!
So, Al Murray's balloon
frenzy still to come.
Find out how he did in
about three minutes.
Plus all five head to the stage
for the final task of the
show. Yes, they will.
See you soon.
Hello! Good to see you again.
It's the final part of the show
and there's a live task
just around the corner.
But first we need to conclude
the task at hand. Alex?
Hi, Greg.
So the current task involves popping
balloons as fast as possible.
The current time to beat is 31.6 seconds
achieved by Rob Beckett.
And we've just got Al to go.
Are you ready for Al?
- Yeah.
- OK.
Here he is.
Ohh!
Damn you to hell!
Are they all gonna fit, Al?
No, they're not all gonna fit.
Right.
But that doesn't mean this
isn't a good idea.
No, no, no, just not
What is the idea, Al?
To group the balloons together
into small amounts
- Together as possible.
- Yeah.
- And then commence popping them.
- One big pop.
- To try and get them all in one go.
- Yeah.
- To narrow the time down.
- Yeah.
But I can take as long as I like
- over-managing the time.
- Yeah.
So far I've taken no
time over this,
even though we're taking
a long time over it.
Yeah.
It strikes me this is the
obvious way to do it.
Rather than running around in
a frenzied idiot panic.
It's either this or
the cricket bat.
Is it?
For England.
You know?
Just gotta re-organise
these balloons.
Right.
Bollocks!
I'm stopping the clock there.
They're all-- They're all gone?
Just making sure?
I only lost
two balloons, was it?
- Yeah, it's not bad.
- Yeah.
- Thanks. I enjoyed that.
- Alright.
Thank you, Al. We'll deal with this.
Yeah, sure.
I mean, it's a really clever idea,
horrifically executed.
I mean, obviously the
terrible news is
that there were two
escaped balloons.
Yet to be popped.
They're probably by now,
but we can't verify it,
so it's not looking good for him.
He spend 34.6 seconds
smashing it with a cricket bat.
So he would have come in
second, but the two
Behind Rob's corkscrew?
- Exactly, yeah.
- Right.
Was there anything else
about his attempt?
I don't know if you remember
at the beginning of the task,
Al said something.
- Do you want to have a look?
- Yeah.
They look like they're in
Morse code or something.
- Do they?
- The balloons, yeah.
Four dots, three dashes,
or something. I dunno.
It does, doesn't it?
It does look a bit
like Morse code.
It does, so because you said that,
we had a look at it.
- We checked it out.
- Weirdly, it was
What?
It says this.
So, the winner of that task
is Mr Rob Beckett!
OK, everyone.
Before we find out who's going home
with five filled shoe boxes,
could you please up to the stage
for the final task of the show?
Could Paul read the
task out, please?
OK. Paul, that's for you.
Read it nice and clearly, Paul.
"Unravel a whole roll of sticky tape."
"Put the unravelled sticky
tape in your lunch box."
"Close your lunch box."
"Fastest wins."
Fastest wins. You're right, Paul.
And nice that you did it
in the tone of voice
of a sort of Batman film.
So in your boxes, you've
got sticky tape.
If you want to open your boxes
All the sticky tape has
to come off the roll,
and has to all go
in the lunch box,
and the lunch box has to shut.
If you could stop looking for
the end of the tape, please.
Put the tape down!
- Everybody!
- Sorry.
Look up into the air.
Alex, blow your whistle. Go.
Go!
I like that method.
Oh, oh, oh! D-d-done!
Shut the box, shut the box!
It must shut.
- Oh, that's stuck on your hand, that.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, it's gotta all come off.
- That's all off.
Yeah, that's done!
Put it in the box.
There's a lot on your hand.
That's got to go in the box!
Oh, fuck off!
You've got to start again!
I'm done! I didn't listen, did I?
Even when Batman read it out,
you didn't listen.
Sara Pascoe!
OK, can you all come down
and we'll see how that's
affected the scores!
Did that all go according
to plan, Alex?
For most of them.
Rob's still going.
It's so tight.
You can pretend it's someone
else now, innit?
Want the scores, Greg?
I really do want the scores.
OK, well I'm afraid Rob doesn't
get any point for that.
He didn't complete the task.
Sara did it one minute 46.
There was only two seconds
separating Paul and Dave.
Paul was two seconds
quicker than Dave.
- Ooh!
- Was he really?
- Well done, Paul.
- Yeah, one minute 12.
But sub one minute,
Al Murray in 55 seconds.
An entire roll of tape.
Thanks to his Commonwealth record
there with the Sellotape,
he has retained the series lead.
But the winner of this
particular episode
is Mr Rob Beckett!
Rob Beckett!
Rob Beckett is the winner
of five luxury shoe boxes.
A prize that he told
me in the break
he thought was rubbish.
Please go and retrieve
your prizes!
Hey, thanks for today, Alex.
Hey, thanks for thanking
me today, Greg.
- Thanks again, Alex.
- OK.
And what have we learnt today, then?
Well, what we've learnt is
if Alfred Hitchcock wanted to make
the end of Psycho really scary,
he should've shoved a jet washer
in that old woman's hands.
And of course, we've also learnt
that against the odds,
our winner tonight is Rob Beckett!
Well done! Thanks,
everybody, and goodbye!