The Exes (2011) s03e02 Episode Script

You were right, holly.
This movie's awesome.
You must be the last person on earth who has never seen psycho.
Spoiler alert: It's gonna scare the crap out of you.
Holly, if there's one thing you should know about me, It's that I'm a pretty tough Aah! That wasn't even scary.
Yeah, but look where it got me.
Hey, guys.
Hope I'm not interrupting.
- Actually, uh - 'Cause I gotta talk to holly About something important.
What's going on, phil? Is this shirt too tight? No, it leaves just the right amount To the imagination.
Is that kung pao chicken? Oh, stop drooling.
Sit down.
I couldn't, I couldn't.
Not without a glass of wine.
So what are we watching? Wow, psycho? - Uh-huh.
- Oh, I love it.
Get out the shower, girl! Get out the shower! F.
Y.
I.
, he'll be doing that the entire movie.
Yippee.
Hey, holly.
Sorry, do you have any himalayan sea salt? 'cau Uh, phil? Mmhmm.
Tell me you're not eating.
I'm not eating.
I told you that I was cooking dinner tonight.
Copper river salmon with a lentil puree and Ooh, psycho.
Yeah.
Park it.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, stuart, try the kung pao chicken.
- Mmm! - Paul, you mind? Thanks, buddy.
Thanks.
Paul, can you hand me some chopsticks, please? Thank you.
And some soy sauce.
Thanks.
Ah, ah, ah, ah low sodium.
What are you doing here? I've been waiting across the hall for dinner Like an idiot.
That's szechuan palace.
The one on the corner of, uh Broadway.
I love when he does that! Yes, it's charming.
Paul, could you scooch over just a little bit? - Actually, I don't have the - Just Come on, just a just a hair.
Yeah, come on, here we go, and Oh! Ahh.
Anybody else notice it's getting A little crowded in here? Now that you mention it You know what? Let's take the party Across the hall to the guys' place.
- Yeah! Come on! - Good idea.
Yeah.
Dodo do do do-do do do do-do do do do do do do Hey, there he is.
The fourth musketeer.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, thanks for joining me, guys.
Last night was fun, wasn't it? Oh, the best! Listen, I just have one tiny favor to ask you.
- Oh, anything.
- Whatever you need.
Stay the hell away from me and holly.
Look, don't get me wrong.
You guys are great.
But every time holly and I get together, You guys are always there, And since we just started seeing each other, We could really use the time alone.
Okay, yeah, you know what? I hear ya.
As one guy to another, I got your back, buddy.
Yeah, we get it.
Well, I think it stinks.
You think that my heart is just a toy That you can play with and toss away? Haskell, I'm sorry.
Don't take it personally.
Let me buy you a drink.
And let the healing begin.
Thanks, guys.
I really appreciate it.
And please don't mention anything to holly.
She might get upset.
You got it.
Hey, hon.
Mwah! Hey, guys.
- Hey.
- I don't know about you, But I am starving.
What say we hit that new steakhouse And eat till we sweat? - No, no, thanks.
- No, I can't tonight.
Oh, come on, guys.
Join us.
It'll be fun.
Yeah.
- Well, okay.
- Oh, okay.
Okay, all right.
Great! Oh oh, business.
Sorry, guys.
One second.
What's going on with you guys? I thought we had an agreement.
You said you wanted us to join you.
So holly wouldn't suspect I said anything.
- Ohh.
- Oh, oh, got it, got it.
Got it, yeah.
Say no more.
All right, why are we sitting around? Come on, let's go.
You know, I'm not really hungry.
- No, me neither.
- Uh-uh.
- I had a late lunch.
- Mm.
Come on.
Don't be party poopers.
We really want you to come.
Of course.
Guys, you gotta join us.
Seriously, it won't be the same without you.
- No, thanks.
- No, I don't think so.
Guys? Guys, you're coming, and I am not taking no For an answer.
- Sounds good.
- Okay.
There it is.
Sorry, one more needy client.
I'm so sorry.
What the hell is wrong with you guys? What part of "leave us alone" don't you understand? Butbut you said you wouldn't take no For an answer.
For holly's benefit.
How much clearer do I need to be? Yeah, all right, look.
Just to be 100% clear, You don't want us to come? Yes, for the zillionth time, I do not want you to come.
Goodbye.
All right, okay.
Well No more phone calls, I promise.
Let's go.
- No.
- No, you two go ahead.
Come on.
You just said you'd come.
Yeah, I'm a little confused.
What do we need to do? Get down on our knees and beg? You're coming, and that's it.
I left the iron on.
I got a date.
I got a I don't know anymore.
That was nice.
Something weird's going on with the guys.
Wow, you really have to work on your dirty talk.
No, I'm serious, paul.
I haven't seen them for days, And anytime I try to make plans with them, They they make up excuses.
It's like they're avoiding me.
Well, maybe they're just busy with their lives, Like we are with ours.
I don't know.
I just get the feeling that they're upset with me About something.
I'm gonna go talk to them.
No, no, no.
Let me talk to them.
If something's going on, I'll find out.
The guys and I have developed a special rapport.
Oh, great.
Oh, hey, listen.
Haskell and phil will probably clam up.
Go for stuart.
That guilty little dentist will give it up Like a two-bit whore.
I got it.
Oh, what's up now, paul? We stayed away from holly, just like you asked.
I know.
You did such a good job, She thinks you're mad at her.
So I have a favor to ask.
Tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
Tell me who to be, and I'll be it.
Just stop messing with my mind.
Look, all I need you to do is go over to holly's place, Say everything's fine, and then leave.
- That's it? - That's it.
All right.
Seems simple enough.
Although it always does, paul.
It always does.
I just want to please you.
Look who I found across the hall.
- Hey.
- Hi, strangers.
What have you been up to? Just hangin', chillin'.
Kickin', flossin'.
Yeah.
Listen, you guys, let me ask you something.
Have you guys been avoiding me? I mean, is there something going on I should know about? - No, no.
- Absolutely not.
Everything's great.
Are you sure? - Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
We love you.
I love my boys.
Well, okay, we just stopped by To tell you everything was okay and leave.
- Yeah, that's the deal.
- No, what's the rush? Now that you're here, why don't you stay, hang out? - Uh - I don't know, holly.
Oh, come on.
We'll order pizzas.
It'll be fun, right? Absolutely.
Join us.
- We're leaving.
- No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, you're not.
Holly's right.
Now that you're here, you have to stay.
I insist.
- Sounds like fun.
- Okay.
Oh, great.
Pizza's on me.
I'll get my purse.
- Yeah! - Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Whoo! Are you out of your freakin' minds? Oh, no.
It's starting again.
You were supposed to leave.
But you asked us to stay! Stay means leave.
How much clearer do I have to be? I'm gonna get my ass out of here, paul, Which in my world means I'm gonna get my ass out of here, paul.
You can't leave now.
She'll think something's wrong.
Oh, so you want us to stay? Don't answer that, paul.
I beg you.
I'm losing my hold on reality.
And I only had a two-fingered grip To begin with.
Look, I'm sorry you guys are confused, But we had a deal.
Stay away from me and holly.
What? What do you mean, stay away? What are you talking about? - I can explain.
- I'd like to hear it.
I think you guys should leave.
Actually, I'd prefer it if you stay.
- Got it.
- Understood.
So that's why they were avoiding me? You told them to stay away? I just wanted to spend some time alone with you.
So you went behind my back and got my best friends To lie to me? Why didn't you just tell me? - I thought you'd be angry.
- Well, what am I? Some kind of monster you can't talk to? - Well, I - Don't talk to me.
I think you should leave.
I thought she meant stay, but what do I know? Soso what's going on? You're not gonna believe this.
Paul had the nerve to go behind my back And tell the guys to stay away So that he could spend more time alone.
So? So? What kind of answer is that? Where's my outrage? Where's my "nooo"? Well, of course he wants to spend time with you.
He's your boyfriend.
So what did you do? Well, I got mad, we had a fight, And I kicked him out.
Nooo! I guess I just spend so much time with the guys That I-I didn't realize how it was affecting paul.
You think I blew it? Well, you know, I hope not, Because I can't go back to chardonnay and ice cream Friday nights.
At a certain point, it's not a slumber party anymore.
It's a hostage situation.
Holly, have you got a minute? For you? She has all the time in the world.
Holly, about last night Paul, I'm so sorry.
I should never have overreacted like that.
But still, it's important for you to know I never wanted to Upset me? Of course, I know that.
You just wanted to spend more time alone.
It's true.
I didn't know how to say That the guys are around too much And affecting our relationship? I'm so relieved, because to be honest, I was afraid if this whole thing continued, It would have made our relationship - Difficult.
- Impossible.
No.
No, no, it's not impossible, paul.
It's very, very possible.
I'm so happy you said that, holly.
- Oh.
- Well, how about tonight, I make us a reservation at a pretentious, overpriced Restaurant? Just you and me, no Interruptions? I'd like that.
Oh, hi, stuart.
Hey, holly.
Uh, so, are you and paul still You and paul? - Yes, thank god.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry that you guys got caught In the middle, but we worked everything out.
Tonight we're going out to dinner.
- Great.
- Just me and paul Why is the poker table coming out? Because it's poker night.
You can't have poker night without me! I mean, it's the one constant in our lives.
We we talk, we bond, I take your money.
It's called tradition! You you're just going to have to move it.
Oh, no, holly, you can't move poker night On poker night.
My adrenaline's already flowing.
Yeah, I'm stoked.
I'm pumped.
And I'm just gonna put it out there I got a poker chubby.
As would I, if I hadn't already performed My pre-game ritual.
Well, look.
I've been cooking like a maniac all day.
I better go check on my appetizers.
Oh, your texas hold'em hummus? With olive tapenade and toast points.
Oh! You know, I'd totally bust his chops, But they're simply beyond divine.
You know, it's too bad You can't make it tonight, holly.
- Mm.
- But you got a good reason.
- That's right.
- Mm-hmm.
The best! You guys have fun.
- Totally.
- We will.
I'll take your money next month.
Oh, no, you will not! Paul, hi.
How are ya? Listen, I feel awful, But I've got this nervous client Who's giving a deposition tomorrow.
I need to coach her I know, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about dinner.
But, um, I'll come over later for some dessert.
And by dessert, I mean Oh, good, you got it.
Okay.
All right, I'll see you later.
Bye.
So what happened with paul? Why'd he break your date? - Why? - Mm-hmm.
Why.
Wh uh, something came up.
Uh, he had to work late.
These things happen.
What is this, the view? Ante up.
And now for a very special treat A box of havana's finest.
- Mm.
- Get outta here.
Are those real cubans? Yep.
I spent 12 hours on a hot greyhound bus From toronto with these babies strapped to my thighs.
Smoke up, boys.
Yeah, buddy! You better not light that stink bomb up in here.
I'm already starting to gag.
Ugh.
- Who is it? - It's me, paul.
Paul? What's paul doing here? I thought you said he was working.
Well, I kinda sorta maybe told him That I had to work so that I could play poker.
You fibbed? Yes, sister mary stuart, I fibbed.
You guys have to get rid of him.
I can't let him know that I lied.
All right.
I'll handle this.
You'll just screw it up.
Holly's not here.
I know, she's working late, so I thought I'd come by.
Listen, I wanted to apologize to you guys For putting you in an awkward position.
- Oh, it's all right.
- Yeah, see ya.
Holly's not here.
Are you guys playing poker? Maybe I could sit in.
No, actually, we just finished playing poker.
So maybe next time.
- Next time.
- Mm-hmm.
Next time, okay.
Okay, yeah.
I got it.
You guys are still mad at me.
What? No, no.
We're not.
We're cool, dude.
Here, have a cigar.
For the road.
Wow, is this a real cuban? From my thighs to your lips.
Enjoy.
Let's light it up.
No, no, no, you can't smoke that thing in here.
No, once it gets into the upholstery, You may as well just defecate on the furniture.
Of course, you're right.
What was I thinking? Let's go out on the terrace.
- No! Wait! - No, no, no, wait, wait! Holly's not here! Oh, what a night.
Only thing missing is holly.
Ah.
Oh! Oh! - What's the matter? - Nothing, nothing! - Old lady in the bath! - Yeah.
Shut the damn blinds, grandma! - Well, let's fire this baby up.
- Uh, d oh.
Stuart, I kind of get the feeling You're working against me here.
All right, paul, look, not to be a killjoy, But as a non-voting auxiliary member Of the condo board, I'm gonna have to ask you to extinguish the flame.
I'm shutting down this party.
Everybody inside.
- Aw.
- Oh, well, sorry.
Is it okay if I use the bathroom? - Yes, go ahead.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just right over to the left.
Here you go.
- There you go.
- There you go.
- Holly, come on! - Holly.
- Come on! - He's gone.
Come on back.
I can't.
I'm too scared to move.
Just inch over, and we'll grab your hand.
Come on! Yeah, just take it slow.
You're almost there.
Come on! - Holly.
- Hi, paul.
Good news.
I got off work early.
So, despite a few hiccups, We're finally alone together.
Kiss me.
Holly, we need to talk.
Who wants to see my boobs? Holly, I'm no love guru, But when you find your girlfriend straddling A fourth-story ledge to avoid you, Some might consider that a red flag.
No, no.
No, no, I'm so sorry about tonight, But I have such a good reason.
You always do.
It's pizza night, or it's poker night, Or it's movie night.
Let's face it.
This isn't working.
That's not true.
Yeah, it is.
Holly, I'm gonna ask you a question, And I want you to answer me honestly.
There is no one in the world I would rather be with than you.
Can you say the same about me? Um "um" is never good.
I'm sorry.
I want to feel the same way.
I really do.
And I hate that I don't.
I mean, you're just such an incredible guy, And I feel so lucky to have met you, but Something's missing.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
You know, once you get past the initial revulsion, These things aren't half bad.
Yeah.
Holly, you okay? I don't know.
Paul was such a good guy.
- He was a great guy.
- Mm.
I'll miss his laugh, his smile.
The way he made you feel like you were The most important person in the world.
Mm.
The man lit up a room Like a shining star.
I get it.
He was a great guy.
He just wasn't the one for me.
You know, if the spark's not there, It's it's just not there.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
But one day, I'll find the right guy.
Uh, this is where you're supposed to say, "yes, holly, of course you will.
" Who am I kidding? I'm gonna end up like that old lady In the tub.
Hey.
There's an old guy in the tub with her.
Aw, that's sweet.
See? She found someone.
I bet they've been married forever.
And here in their golden years, Look how much they still love each other.
Oh.
Yeah, but you still don't want to see that.
Haskell.
Yeah, be in in a minute.