The Guild (2007) s03e02 Episode Script
Anarchy!
So, the Guild is already on delicate ground, and a bunch of jerks cut in front of us in line! Illegal! I would never do that! Of course, one time I got caught holding the door open after an orchestra concert for 25 minutes straight, so I'm not really the best measure of assertiveness.
Anyway, I'm looking at these guys, and then I get an idea: Standing up for ourselves might be a great way to reunify the Guild! I mean, it's easy to bond over hating something together! The internet is total proof of that.
Excuse me! You guys! Our line got cut! That guy's wearing a kilt.
I hear they go commando under there.
Oh, yeah! Vork! People cut in front of us in line! A whole group! What the? Who? How? Excuse me, gentlemen.
Ma'am.
You may not have noticed, but the line forms behind us.
Actually, this line, it forms behind us.
Good one, Fawkes.
Turn it around, and drive it home.
To clarify: Your group should be behind the others who arrived previously.
Why? I don't understand the question.
Your mom doesn't understand the question.
Bombed, idiot.
You're asking me why, having just arrived, you need to be at the back of the line? Let me offer you an historical perspective: At the beginning of the common era, people attending events simply gathered en masse, clustered and clumped together in an unorganized manner.
After several thousand years of this, they slowly gravitated to the back of individual fellows and began to stand behind one another in a horizontal fashion, forming what they now commonly refer to as the "line.
" Going against that flies in the face of thousands of years of evolution and encourages utter chaos! And what's wrong with a little chaos? "A little rebellion now and then is a good thing"Thomas Jefferson.
"A lot of order is a better thing!" Vork, Leader of the Knights of Good! Kids, don't hang on the clothes rack! Where's your mommy? Uh! Buzzkill! Why aren't we first? I paid stinky crack addict over there a lot of money to hold my place! Meth addict! Crack is for losers! Hey, I printed out the new ranger pets for you.
Or not.
You tools need to step to the back of the line! Our Guild was here first! Yo, Tink.
Lookin' bitter.
Go die in a fire.
You guys can't just cut! Can't? But we did.
And the world keeps spinning.
Yeah, now parlay, peanut.
The number 1 Guild is number 1 in line.
Deal with it! Um Who says you're number 1? And be honest: Are you naked under there? Server stats.
Axis of Anarchy rules.
And yes, I am.
Deal with it.
Wait Axis of Anarchy? You guys were the first on the server to down the Demon Lords of the Far Reaches! Yeah! And we'll be first to get the expansion, the first to get the best loot, and the first to down the bosses! Uh-huh.
I was hoping to avoid this, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask the authorities to intervene.
I'm going to fetch the GameStop Manager.
Hey! Stop pushing me! What? Hey! Oh, my God! Help! Help! Control your steed, woman! Sir, this man just assaulted me! He almost pushed me out into traffic! I did nothing of the kind! I only have the deepest respect for the handicapped.
My father was born without hind leg tendons! What kind of place is this? This poor, innocent, hot girl in a wheelchair! Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
That is unacceptable behavior! May I offer you a T-shirt or a poster? Oh, I couldn't.
Yes, I could.
Do you mind if my friends and I wait inside with you? I'm so upset, and Well, you know.
Of course! Please! Come in.
Please.
Come in, please.
Come on.
Sir, back of the line.
Your friends, too.
Why did you keep pushing her? I didn't push her! Do you think if I had telekinetic powers, I'd be standing here? No! I'd be hired by the Navy to aim missiles more efficiently or by Hollywood studios to hold Wonder Woman aloft in her invisible plane! You shoulda pre-ordered! Vork, you suck! A real leader woulda pushed her hard.
In front of a semi or something! Hey, guys, there's a new centaur mount you can get if you get in faction with the Rawney Centaur clan! A real centaur mount! That's cool, huh? As stimulating as riding a half-man would be, Tink is right.
I hereby tender my resignation as leader of the Knights of Good.
What? No, Vork, you can't do that! My stepping down will create a power vacuum that can be filled by someone more willing, eager, and responsible.
Me! Me! I've always wanted to be a princess! I'll wear a crown every time we play, and every Friday, I declare Funny Noise Day, where you have to make a weird noise every time you kill somebody.
My Gosh! I'm feeling the power rush already! As I said, someone qualified will step forward.
I nominate myself to run the Guild.
First off, I'll clean out the trash.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Since when are you qualified? Last I remember, you don't even have a max level character! Only because you're a virtual murderer! How many avatar skins do you have in your hard drive closet? Huh? Tink, I claim full responsibility for what transpired between you and Bladezz.
I am paying my penance.
It's all I can do.
It's not good enough! Oh, well, how 'bout Zaboo? He brought us all together when he was stalking you.
That's something.
Where? Zaboo! Give it a rest, please! How do you feel about becoming new Guild Leader? Guild Leader? Oh, no way am I sharing more of my little man than I have to.
He's mine.
Yeah.
Whatever the lady gnawing on my neck says.
I vote for Codex.
I mean, you know, she's alone and has a ton of time on her hands.
That was hurtful but accurate.
Everybody vote! The line's gonna move soon, and I have to pick up the tatertots and take them back to the ol' socks and chain! What the hell did you just say? Vork, I need use of the tent, man.
Booty Call'd.
20 dollars an hour, plus deposit.
Done.
Vork, endorse me.
I'm your man.
I can't throw my support behind any one individual.
I just hope the one who accepts will hold the finest Shut up.
I vote for me.
Well, that's one vote for each of us.
That's perfectly not helpful.
Well, you didn't vote, genius.
Oh.
Well, I vote for me? Not that I'm amazing, it's just, um Okay, you know, maybe not? Congratulations, Codex.
You've just accepted the greatest responsibility in the history of your life.
What? Are you kidding? Um It's just until Vork retakes his position! I'm not a leader, I'm just more of a "maintainer.
" We'll still work together as a team, right? So long, jerks.
Is she flirting with him? The dude is wearing a skirt! Let's take a walk.
Ooh! The line's moving!
Anyway, I'm looking at these guys, and then I get an idea: Standing up for ourselves might be a great way to reunify the Guild! I mean, it's easy to bond over hating something together! The internet is total proof of that.
Excuse me! You guys! Our line got cut! That guy's wearing a kilt.
I hear they go commando under there.
Oh, yeah! Vork! People cut in front of us in line! A whole group! What the? Who? How? Excuse me, gentlemen.
Ma'am.
You may not have noticed, but the line forms behind us.
Actually, this line, it forms behind us.
Good one, Fawkes.
Turn it around, and drive it home.
To clarify: Your group should be behind the others who arrived previously.
Why? I don't understand the question.
Your mom doesn't understand the question.
Bombed, idiot.
You're asking me why, having just arrived, you need to be at the back of the line? Let me offer you an historical perspective: At the beginning of the common era, people attending events simply gathered en masse, clustered and clumped together in an unorganized manner.
After several thousand years of this, they slowly gravitated to the back of individual fellows and began to stand behind one another in a horizontal fashion, forming what they now commonly refer to as the "line.
" Going against that flies in the face of thousands of years of evolution and encourages utter chaos! And what's wrong with a little chaos? "A little rebellion now and then is a good thing"Thomas Jefferson.
"A lot of order is a better thing!" Vork, Leader of the Knights of Good! Kids, don't hang on the clothes rack! Where's your mommy? Uh! Buzzkill! Why aren't we first? I paid stinky crack addict over there a lot of money to hold my place! Meth addict! Crack is for losers! Hey, I printed out the new ranger pets for you.
Or not.
You tools need to step to the back of the line! Our Guild was here first! Yo, Tink.
Lookin' bitter.
Go die in a fire.
You guys can't just cut! Can't? But we did.
And the world keeps spinning.
Yeah, now parlay, peanut.
The number 1 Guild is number 1 in line.
Deal with it! Um Who says you're number 1? And be honest: Are you naked under there? Server stats.
Axis of Anarchy rules.
And yes, I am.
Deal with it.
Wait Axis of Anarchy? You guys were the first on the server to down the Demon Lords of the Far Reaches! Yeah! And we'll be first to get the expansion, the first to get the best loot, and the first to down the bosses! Uh-huh.
I was hoping to avoid this, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask the authorities to intervene.
I'm going to fetch the GameStop Manager.
Hey! Stop pushing me! What? Hey! Oh, my God! Help! Help! Control your steed, woman! Sir, this man just assaulted me! He almost pushed me out into traffic! I did nothing of the kind! I only have the deepest respect for the handicapped.
My father was born without hind leg tendons! What kind of place is this? This poor, innocent, hot girl in a wheelchair! Ma'am, I'm so sorry.
That is unacceptable behavior! May I offer you a T-shirt or a poster? Oh, I couldn't.
Yes, I could.
Do you mind if my friends and I wait inside with you? I'm so upset, and Well, you know.
Of course! Please! Come in.
Please.
Come in, please.
Come on.
Sir, back of the line.
Your friends, too.
Why did you keep pushing her? I didn't push her! Do you think if I had telekinetic powers, I'd be standing here? No! I'd be hired by the Navy to aim missiles more efficiently or by Hollywood studios to hold Wonder Woman aloft in her invisible plane! You shoulda pre-ordered! Vork, you suck! A real leader woulda pushed her hard.
In front of a semi or something! Hey, guys, there's a new centaur mount you can get if you get in faction with the Rawney Centaur clan! A real centaur mount! That's cool, huh? As stimulating as riding a half-man would be, Tink is right.
I hereby tender my resignation as leader of the Knights of Good.
What? No, Vork, you can't do that! My stepping down will create a power vacuum that can be filled by someone more willing, eager, and responsible.
Me! Me! I've always wanted to be a princess! I'll wear a crown every time we play, and every Friday, I declare Funny Noise Day, where you have to make a weird noise every time you kill somebody.
My Gosh! I'm feeling the power rush already! As I said, someone qualified will step forward.
I nominate myself to run the Guild.
First off, I'll clean out the trash.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Since when are you qualified? Last I remember, you don't even have a max level character! Only because you're a virtual murderer! How many avatar skins do you have in your hard drive closet? Huh? Tink, I claim full responsibility for what transpired between you and Bladezz.
I am paying my penance.
It's all I can do.
It's not good enough! Oh, well, how 'bout Zaboo? He brought us all together when he was stalking you.
That's something.
Where? Zaboo! Give it a rest, please! How do you feel about becoming new Guild Leader? Guild Leader? Oh, no way am I sharing more of my little man than I have to.
He's mine.
Yeah.
Whatever the lady gnawing on my neck says.
I vote for Codex.
I mean, you know, she's alone and has a ton of time on her hands.
That was hurtful but accurate.
Everybody vote! The line's gonna move soon, and I have to pick up the tatertots and take them back to the ol' socks and chain! What the hell did you just say? Vork, I need use of the tent, man.
Booty Call'd.
20 dollars an hour, plus deposit.
Done.
Vork, endorse me.
I'm your man.
I can't throw my support behind any one individual.
I just hope the one who accepts will hold the finest Shut up.
I vote for me.
Well, that's one vote for each of us.
That's perfectly not helpful.
Well, you didn't vote, genius.
Oh.
Well, I vote for me? Not that I'm amazing, it's just, um Okay, you know, maybe not? Congratulations, Codex.
You've just accepted the greatest responsibility in the history of your life.
What? Are you kidding? Um It's just until Vork retakes his position! I'm not a leader, I'm just more of a "maintainer.
" We'll still work together as a team, right? So long, jerks.
Is she flirting with him? The dude is wearing a skirt! Let's take a walk.
Ooh! The line's moving!