The Sex Lives of College Girls (2021) s03e02 Episode Script
Lila by Lila
- [GASPS]
- Morning.
I thought we agreed to sleep head to foot.
We did, until one of your toes
got in my mouth.
- Sorry.
- Shall we start our day?
- Okay.
- Sorry. So you wanna go
I can't sleep like this much longer.
What day did the facilities people say
they could bring us another bed?
- Next Thursday.
- Leighton?
- Are you in here?
- Yes.
I'm trying to enjoy my coffee
in my favorite chair.
Instead, I'm surrounded by boxes
and boxes of shin guards.
How many do you need?
You only have two shins.
You wanna talk possessions?
- How many thigh-high boots do you have?
- Enough to survive.
- Ladies, calm down.
- [GASPS]
Bela, how long have you been in here?
Were you listening
to my private conversation with Alicia?
Not actively.
But passively, yes. And boy, was it hot.
Hey, what position is bumper to bumper?
- We were talking about traffic.
- Obviously, this
- [OBJECTS CLATTERING]
- Obviously, this isn't working.
- We need a room that fits four people.
- Agreed.
None of us will be able
to bring anyone back here.
Unless someone already did?
Is anyone else in here?
My actions got us into this mess,
so I'll be the one to get us out.
Unless any of you would
like to do it instead?
- It's clearly you.
- Are you kidding me?
- You can't be serious.
- [LEIGHTON] No.
I'm so excited for my classes today.
I've carefully chosen courses
that should lead me to my life goal.
Becoming a Supreme Court justice
by the age of 53.
Fifty-three? I wanna be retired by then.
No, that's one of the coolest things
about becoming a justice.
I can keep working into my 100s.
Or my 110s.
Whitney, those guys
were definitely checking you out.
[KIMBERLY] Or were they admiring
my comments on work ethic?
No, they were checking out your face,
boobs, and now your butt.
Honestly, I don't care. This year,
my focus is only on school and soccer.
- No boy drama. Don't have time.
- No sex at all?
I mean, I'll hook up, sure,
but if they text too much afterwards,
they get ghosted. Bye. She busy.
- Hello, bitches.
- Lila.
I was hoping I'd run into you guys.
I need you to hand out several hundred
of these fliers for my fashion show.
- Oh! You're a designer?
- Hell, yes, I am.
Clothing, much like the shoulder muscles
of male gymnasts,
is one of my biggest passions.
This summer,
I interned at the Fashion Institute.
I learned a lot, and I stole
so much fabric. Filled two Kias.
What materials do you use?
Do you work with fleece?
- I love fleece.
- Fleece?
- Fix her.
- Yeah.
I will see y'all there.
Dress to impress, but do not upstage me.
I love you. Bye.
Did something bad happen to fleece?
Wait. You're taking
Intro to African-American Studies?
Yeah.
At my confirmation hearing, I want it
on record that I took this class.
Also, so it doesn't go unspoken,
as a white woman,
I recognize the privilege that it is to
be welcomed into this environment.
- So, thank you.
- Okay.
Oh, shit. A sinfully hot guy
is headed our way. Just act cool.
- You know I can't.
- Just chill.
Hey. I'm Isaiah. What's your name?
- Whitney.
- Kimberly.
Oh, you were talking to her.
Yeah, talk to her.
Well, Whitney, it's gonna be really hard
for me to focus with
you in this class
but I will try.
[KIMBERLY] Wow.
That guy was very attractive.
For you. Not for me.
I'm here to listen and learn.
- Enough.
- Got it.
Leighton, come in. I've got great news.
I heard back from my colleague at
MIT, and they are willing to admit you.
Wait. Really?
- Oh, my God.
- Of course.
Your grades are excellent,
your scores are off the chart.
I mean, what did you think
was gonna happen?
I thought my dad would donate a gym.
Well, there's no need for that.
And they said they could squeeze you
in before they start classes next week.
It's a slay.
Next week? Uh, wow.
That's so soon.
- I'll have to think about it.
- Think about it? What?
Leighton, this is MIT.
The best math department in the country.
[BELA] All right,
folks. It's time for our
first unannounced room check.
I'll be sweeping for drugs, weapons,
and problematic placement
of extension cords.
Let's do this.
Okay. Looking good.
No noticeable trip hazard.
Oh, boy.
- Is something wrong?
- Yes, Lindsey. The candle.
It may smell amazing.
It'd kill us all in our sleep.
I got to write you up.
It's Lindsey with an L, right?
It's not mine, it's Taylor's.
Where is she?
I will have to speak to her about this.
- [TAYLOR MOANING]
- As you can hear, she's a little busy.
She locks me out all the time.
I've been waiting out here
for three hours.
Three hours? This is crazy.
Hey, Taylor. It's Bela.
Your FAF.
- Can I help you?
- Hi. Do you have a moment?
- Now?
- Mmm-mmm.
We should do this again sometime.
We should.
What do you want?
You can't sexile your roommate
for hours on end.
I won't write you up about this
this time, but
Pretty sure "sexiled" isn't a listed
infraction in your little tickets.
You don't know. It might be.
- Then show me.
- Just be a better roommate.
And keep your sexcapades
to reasonable length.
Or put them in a Google Calendar
or something.
Is this seriously
all you've interrupted me for?
No. I will also be
confiscating your candle.
I know you don't respect rules very much,
but every time you break one,
I'll be right here enforcing them.
Ow! Shit. Fuck.
The glass was hot.
But I will be back for that later.
Yep. My favorite Essex tree.
This tree and I have had
30 beautiful years together.
Wait. Is this my tree?
Yeah. There's the penis I carved in it.
[SNICKERS] This is my tree.
You didn't have to come all the way here
just so we can talk.
Are you kidding, honey?
I'll take any chance I can get
to come see my girl.
And to be in my favorite place.
Where I can just breathe so much easier.
I got into MIT as a transfer
and I'm considering leaving Essex.
I can't breathe.
I can't fucking breathe right now. Fuck.
Look, I know that this school is
a huge part of how you see our family.
First Nico left, and now you.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna die under this stupid tree.
Fuck.
Sorry. Daddy's just got big, big feelings.
The math classes here
are just not challenging enough for me.
And MIT will better set me up
for a career in finance.
It sounds like
you've already made up your mind.
Yeah, but I just don't wanna leave.
You know, like, I'm torn
between my best future
and my best life, and
I can't have both.
- What would you do?
- Look.
As you get a little bit older,
sometimes it seems like your best moments
are all behind you.
But I think that if
you follow your heart,
and try to make
choices that are exciting
and real and authentic to you,
then your best days
will always be ahead of you
because you'll be on the path
to becoming who you're meant to be.
So you're saying you think I should leave?
Fuck. Am I?
I guess I am.
But it's your call.
I have another hour
before I have any classes,
if you wanna just sit under this tree.
I would like that very much.
Maybe we could sing the Essex
fight song one more time.
Just softly.
Yeah, we can always do that. Anytime.
Two, three, four.
[BOTH SINGING] Go, Essex, go
Fight bravely and fight true
I'm sorry. I think I'm gonna cry.
Yeah, Daddy's definitely crying.
Hi. I'm Kimberly Finkle, and I'd
like to apply for a room switch.
All right. Let's get you a form.
What's the reason for the switch?
My friend and I didn't end last year
on the best of terms.
It's my fault, not hers.
I majorly violated girl code
and I kissed a boy I shouldn't have.
There was tongue,
so we definitely went to first base.
And then in a bedroom at a frat party,
he took his shirt off.
So I guess I went to second base on him.
But it didn't go much further.
We didn't, like, make love or anything.
Anyway, we're good,
but now we're four people in a triple,
so we need a quad.
- I can write that down if it's helpful.
- Yeah, it's not.
Listen. Room switching this late is tough,
but I can give you a tip.
- Mmm-hmm.
- There's two kinds of applications.
People who want things,
and then people who require things
for their mental health.
And you can tell your supervisor
I really want this.
- Okay. So, the big pile?
- Uh-huh.
That's people who want things.
Probably not gonna get them.
But if you apply to the quad
for mental health reasons
I'm not applying
for mental health reasons.
- Yeah, but if you were
- I don't think I am. I'm pretty happy.
Are you seriously not understanding
what I'm saying right now?
[GASPS] Oh! Okay.
So, this is for mental health reasons,
and the situation is very distressing.
Good to know.
I can expedite your application.
Just fill out the top of the form,
and take a seat.
And when you write your phone number,
just write it real clearly,
in case anybody who works here
wants to look it up later.
Damn, Bela. Who got you flowers?
Uh, they're actually for you.
They're from Isaiah,
the hot guy in our class.
And he got you champagne.
It's really fancy.
It's like we're at
the grand opening of a boat.
[LEIGHTON] We're drinking champagne now?
What happened to three random kinds
of alcohol just mixed together?
A boy got all this for Whitney.
And the label's in cursive,
so you know it's expensive.
Okay. Well, I'm sure it looks fancy.
But real champagne is actually
- Oh, my God. This bottle is 600.
- Dollars?
- [GASPS]
- Wait. This guy's rich? I'm so out.
What? Why?
I'm sorry. Typically, being rich makes
someone more attractive, not less.
I don't date rich guys.
All the ones in my boarding school
were stunted and lazy and boring,
and always had to have their way.
If Isaiah is this rich,
it's a deal breaker.
Okay. Well, before we start just
casually throwing
around the term "rich,"
let's just look this guy up. Okay, Isaiah.
Okay. So, he is the son
of a telecom billionaire.
[BELA] Holy shit.
- He's richer than Leighton.
- [KIMBERLY] Wow.
So, Leighton, what I am to you,
you are to him. You're his Kimberly.
No, I don't care for that at all.
We can stop talking about it,
and we're sending all this stuff back.
No.
Hey, I actually wanted to talk to you guys
about something.
It's, um
- It's pretty
- Oh, my God. Wait. Major news alert.
- We just got approved for the quad.
- Yes!
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.
Sorry, Leight. What did you wanna say?
That it
I mean, it was windy out today.
You know,
I just thought we'd talk about it.
[KIMBERLY] Honestly, I would love to.
What do you guys think the difference
between wind and breeze is?
Like, when does a breeze become a wind?
And what makes a gust?
There you are, Bela. Thanks for coming.
Take a seat.
As you know,
at Essex we take our
student body's sense
of safety and autonomy very seriously.
Totally. I don't even think of it
as an autono-me.
I think of it as an autonomo-us.
You can use that if you want.
People might like it.
We need to discuss
some recent behavior in your FAF group.
Yeah. I hate to say it, Taylor,
but I agree.
Like I said, actions have consequences.
Sorry. We're here to discuss you.
- Me?
- It's been deeply disturbing.
Did you tell Taylor to schedule her sex
in a Google Calendar?
Okay. I did say that,
but that was just a suggestion.
- To solve a roommate complaint.
- Miss Malhotra,
at Essex we don't put walls up
as to when a woman
can or can't have sex.
Taylor, do you wanna tell Bela
how that made you feel?
When my sexuality is policed like that,
[SOBS] I feel a sense of shame.
As a young queer woman
in a foreign nation,
Bela's actions have made me feel unsafe.
- That was very brave of you, Taylor.
- [BELA] This is crazy.
I'm not a sex-shamer.
I support all kinds of lifestyle.
- Except when it comes to my religion.
- Excuse me?
As a practicing Wiccan,
I have to light candles
for the blood moon and solstice.
See? This is ridiculous.
Taylor is not a Wiccan.
She doesn't even know what a solstice is.
No one does.
Unfortunately,
I am going to have to assign you
to another round
of online sensitivity training.
Right. Of course.
- I, uh, welcome any opportunity to learn.
- Good.
Taylor, I wish you a restful
and meaningful blood moon week.
I appreciate that, Ms. Barnes.
- Love and light to you.
- And also with you.
Bye, Bela.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm returning these.
- What's the reason for the return?
I'm transferring.
So I won't be needing these books anymore.
Okay. Well, we can't refund to a card,
but we can give you cash.
Cash? [CHUCKLES] What the hell
am I supposed to do with cash?
Forget it.
Just consider it a donation or whatever.
No. You're transferring?
Don't even try to lie.
I basically been majoring
in overhearing things.
Plus, I haven't heard good gossip in hours
and I need a hit real bad.
Okay. Listen, I haven't told people yet.
So if you could just keep this between us.
Of course. As long as you
don't tell anyone about that time
you saw me getting freaky
with a certain B-list celebrity
who was speaking on campus,
because I cannot violate that NDA.
I genuinely have no idea
what you're talking about.
Oh, okay. Then we good.
- Okay.
- Bye, boo.
You know,
you stutter-step before you shot.
Try lengthening your stride.
Thanks.
Stutter-step?
That first-year
better worry about her own shot.
She wasn't wrong.
Sometimes you look like a Roomba
that got stuck in a corner.
Hey. Do you wanna come with me
while I do something real quick?
I literally never have anything to do.
- Let's go.
- Great.
Hey. You get my flowers?
Yeah. And I'm flattered,
but you're wasting your time.
I'm not interested.
Just busy with classes and soccer.
I have classes and a life too.
Am I missing something here?
I don't date rich guys. Okay?
I'm not into dudes
who throw their money around to get girls.
Now you're dismissing me because I'm rich?
That's just classist.
Okay. Well, no offense to you
and your Versace shirt
that you're wearing to play basketball
for some reason,
but throwing Daddy's money around
is not a turn-on for me.
First off, I'm not an Italian drug
lord. This is Balenciaga, not Versace.
And yeah, my family's rich,
and I'm proud of it.
Because unlike the rich white folks
at this school,
I'm not the product
of generational wealth.
My dad made it himself.
And I don't know.
Since there aren't a lot of examples
of Black wealth in this country,
maybe I embrace
being a visible example of one.
- [MEN LAUGHING]
- This is getting embarrassing.
- Can I peace?
- Sorry. I'll see you around.
- "I don't date rich guys"?
- Shut up.
I can't. No. We're not talking about it.
I don't even like dick
and I know that was dumb.
It was horrible.
I haven't been that mortified since my
mom mispronounced
SZA's name on Kimmel.
My day sucked too.
I spent four hours
in front of a computer
learning about religious tolerance.
Like, Jesus Christ, I get it.
Well, I have good news to cheer you up.
I got the keys to the new suite.
- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
Hello.
Oh, my God, Lila.
Your dress is incredible.
Thank you.
Isn't she cute and boob forward?
Very to both. Did you make it?
No, no, no.
My collection is mainly menswear.
Speaking of which, I have to go
and make sure all the male models
are giving enough face
and body and butt and crotch.
But thank you so much
for coming to support me.
Make a path. Designer coming through.
Okay, guys. Don't look, but that's Eli.
He's the guy who helped me get the room.
- No. I said don't look.
- Don't look means look.
- Damn. He's crazy hot.
- I'm pretty sure we were vibing.
Like, at the end of our convo,
he put his hand on my arm like this.
Like the way an old nurse touches you
when she draws blood?
No. It was a vibe.
At least, I think he was vibing.
Maybe I don't know vibes.
Question for you. Was he vibing with
you as much as he's
vibing with that guy?
Okay, I'm thinking maybe
I picked up the wrong impression.
He's definitely not giving that guy
the wrong impression.
They make a hot couple. Sorry, though.
That's okay. It's not the first time
I've fallen for a gay guy.
And it won't be the last.
Thank you all for being here.
Before the show starts,
I have a few words to share.
What you are experiencing tonight
could never be accomplished
by just one person.
And somehow it was.
- And that person is me.
- [ALL CHEERING]
And with that, I would love
to introduce the DJ to tonight's show,
whom I've allowed to say
no more than 50 words.
Seriously, girl. Keep it short.
Thanks, Lila.
Some of you may remember me as Travis,
but much like Mulan
looking into that dirty-ass pond,
I too have seen a reflection
of who I truly am inside.
And I'm no longer that annoying boy
who lives down the hall.
Now I'm Trish,
the annoying girl down the hall.
I'm a woman
of the trans experience, bitch.
- Hit the music. Let's start this show.
- [ALL CHEERING]
[SCREAMS]
- She's fine. Start the show.
- [ALL CHEERING]
- Is Lila's clothing line just
- Male underwear?
- This does make sense.
- Well, I'm not complaining.
I wish Leighton was here.
Obviously she wouldn't be into
the boys or the briefs or the bulges,
but she would've loved to see Trish fall.
Guys, is Leighton being weird
with either of you?
She's being, like, super quiet on text.
Maybe it's 'cause she's transferring.
- What?
- Shit. Did you not know?
She said she hasn't told people yet,
but I assumed she told her best friends.
I guess that makes me her best friend.
Damn. I'm losing my best friend.
- Okay, that's her. Here she comes.
- How can you be sure?
I'd know the clip-clop
of those little heels anywhere.
Hey, you three.
- What are you doing?
- You're fucking transferring?
- I was going to tell you.
- Were you even gonna tell us?
Sorry. I realize you just answered
that, but when I'm
mad I don't listen well.
And right now I'm really mad.
- How could you keep this from us?
- Yeah. We talk about everything.
You didn't think we needed to know this?
I didn't wanna say anything
until I was sure.
And, honestly, I don't know.
Part of me still isn't.
Look, this is a super hard decision.
It's not easy for me either.
Where would you even go?
- MIT.
- Damn. Okay.
- Wait. Because Alicia's in Boston?
- No. No, no, no. That is not it.
MIT has a math program
that Essex just can't match.
I can't believe this is happening.
And that you would tell Jocelyn before us.
Like, are we not as close
as I thought we were?
No.
No. We are. Shit.
This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
The reason I didn't tell you guys is
because I thought that if I told you,
I would make it more real.
I came to Essex thinking that I was
going to date men and
I would be in Kappa.
And I would have done those things
and I would have been miserable.
Then I met you three
and you gave me the strength to be myself.
So you're saying we have
the power to manipulate your mind?
Then stay.
I don't want to go.
I can't imagine
not having you guys with me.
I mean, it is terrifying.
But I think this is what I have to do
if I care about my future.
And I really need your support,
'cause if I don't have that,
I know I'll change my mind.
I can't lose you guys as friends.
You will never lose us as friends. Never.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
Love you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
So, when do you leave?
My dad is coming to pick me up
in the morning.
So, I better go and start packing.
Oh, no.
If this is our last night together,
we're not spending it packing.
We are pre-gaming our hot little asses
off and then we are
going out hard. Okay?
And then you guys will help me pack,
no matter how late we get home?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
We'll see.
- All right. Let's go.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- But can I pick where we pre-game?
Hi. We used to live
in this room last year,
and now we need you to get the fuck out
so we can drink here.
Wait, wait, wait. Remember?
This is where Leighton came in,
saw who she was rooming with,
and immediately left.
- [LAUGHING]
- And this is where she came crawling back
because she realized
how much she loves us.
I wonder if our names are
still carved into the floorboard.
No. They sanded them out.
Oh! My gum is still stuck on the wall.
They can't erase us completely.
Okay, okay. All right.
Less memories, more shots.
[BELA] Okay. Glass. Any glass.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Guys, Eli just DM'd,
asking if I'm going to the Omega party.
- Who the hell is Eli?
- He's my new gay friend. I think.
And he's sending you a purple devil emoji?
That's a sex emoji.
I know because of how often I use it.
[KIMBERLY] Why would purple devil
mean sex?
Shouldn't it mean purple devil?
Okay. Did you guys not look
and see who he follows?
It's, like, a bunch of thirst traps,
both male and female,
so he's gotta be, like,
bi or pan or something.
Oh, my God. Did it take me doing this
for you guys to figure it out?
Wow. You're really gonna
be lost without me.
So, maybe he is into me?
And maybe we should go to Omega right now.
- Yes.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Perfect. Come on.
- Move it.
Wait. Wait.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Tonight is gonna be one of
the best nights of our lives,
and I am gonna document
every second of it.
Okay, Bela, please stop.
You say that now,
but when you're 90 years old,
you're gonna be thankful
I took every single one of these.
My phone died.
- Does anyone have a charger?
- Let it go. Let it go.
Okay. I'm gonna go get a drink.
See, I wish I had
a picture of her saying that.
I know you do.
You guys, look who I found.
Our own Ann Taylor Loft.
Lila, your show was incredible.
The way you can shape a man's bulge
is nothing short of beautiful.
What can I say? Penis is my passion,
and when it comes to taint,
I've got no restraint.
- [CHEERING]
- I sold every single piece.
Y'all bitches
are looking at a thousand-aire.
So drinks are on me.
That's amazing.
But aren't the drinks here free?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
The girl who's offended by wealth
is back for round two.
Everyone, swallow your jewelry,
hide your labels.
Look, I wanna apologize for earlier.
Because of how embarrassing
it was for you?
Honestly, yes. Okay.
But also, you made some good points.
I was being judgmental.
But just to be clear,
I am still not interested in dating.
Why do you keep talking about dating?
I saw you. I thought you were hot,
and I wanted to hang.
Oh, you just
You sent me all those gifts,
so I assumed you liked me.
Like you? I don't even know you yet.
But I do have an idea
on how we can change that.
Why don't you let me show you sometime?
Wow. You are very confident
in yourself, aren't you?
And I think you like it.
Hit me up.
Happy blood moon, Bela. Blessed be.
You know what, Taylor? No.
I'm having a great time,
and I'm not letting you ruin my night.
Look, I'm sorry
I had to go over your head,
but I needed you to understand
who you're dealing with.
I will happily play this game
all year long,
so do yourself a favor. Leave me alone.
I don't need a babysitter.
Okay, Taylor. You win. I'm done.
I will focus on students
who actually want my help,
and happily ignore your existence.
Light 100 candles
and put them on a hot plate
under your flammable drapes.
And when you wake up on fire,
don't text me.
Because you don't need help.
See you never. Excuse me. Coming through.
I love this song.
[GASPS] Eli just walked in.
Wow. He's hotter in person
than in pictures.
I thought that was only true for me.
Crap. He's coming over. What do I do?
Just do what he did with that guy
we saw him with.
You think I should grab his butt?
- Flirt.
- Oh, right.
- Hey. You made it.
- I did.
And I'm glad that you were able
to attend this function as well.
Okay, we don't have time for this tonight.
Eli, hi. Are you bi?
- What?
- I'm a lesbian. I'm not asking for myself.
- Got it. I am.
- Do you think she's cute?
I'd say more than that.
Okay, great. You two, go and talk
over there. Come on. Go.
- That was a lot.
- What?
Sometimes being a lot
is the only way to get shit done.
I think I'm getting much better
at dancing this year.
- Do you like this?
- Yeah. Sure, baby.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look.
Hell, yeah, girl. Get that hot bi king.
That purple devil emoji does not lie.
I told him I'd talk to him later.
'Cause tonight is for the girls.
Very dumb. I'd have taken him
to the laundry room
and gone through all the bases twice.
I think it's nice.
For the rest of the night, it's just us.
- Agree?
- Agree.
[FEMALE STUDENT] Leighton Murray?
I've been working up the courage
to speak to you for over a year.
My name is Rachel, and I am
I'm moving to Boston tomorrow
and I have a girlfriend.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Okay. So that's been dealt with.
You guys wanna go get a drink?
Yes.
- Keep that up. I love that.
- Hey.
Okay. We need more and more drinks.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- [FEMALE STUDENT] Bela?
- Bela?
- [SIGHS]
Taylor got way too drunk and passed out,
and we didn't know what to do.
- We took her to the medical facility.
- Shit.
Okay. You did the right thing
by telling me.
Let me get my shoes.
Let me guess. You're a FAF.
I am too.
Yeah, my shortest freshman got drunk
and tried to jump over
a really pointy fence.
- Alcohol poisoning.
- Oh, a classic.
Pro tip. You're gonna
wanna ask the nurse
for, like, a really strong plastic bag
if you're the one to take them home.
Is this what my Saturday nights
are like now?
Waking up at 4:00 in the morning
because someone else
couldn't control themselves?
Yeah.
I have the medical center set
to "home" on my Google Maps.
- I'm Arvind.
- Bela.
Okay, honey. You can come with me.
[BELA] They had to pump your stomach.
One more drink and things
could have been so much worse.
Look, I know you don't like me and
you think you're
invincible, but this is
I need help.
I
I've been sober for over a year and
Thought I could handle it on my own,
here in the States, but
I slipped.
I need help.
Right.
Of course.
I'm here.
[WHITNEY] Okay. Bye.
And you could always come visit.
The train is only
$122 if you're in coach.
Coach? Kimberly, I would rather
You know what? I will just say thank you.
That sounds very nice.
[HENRY] All right, honey. Time to go.
Oh, I went a little crazy
at the gift shop.
I got some mugs and a bunch of hoodies
and a cheerleading outfit for your mom.
So, you're gonna have
to really cram your stuff in there.
- We love you.
- I love you, guys.
By the way, I left you my Smeg fridge,
some clothes, and a bathroom caddy.
Sounds like someone
didn't wanna finish packing.
I did not.
- I call the fridge.
- What? No.
No, the fridge is for everyone. Stop it.
Oh, let's stop by the new room
to measure for window treatments.
And also, now that
we're three people in a quad,
we have to figure out who gets the single.
I mean, I could take it.
That way I don't wake anyone up
when I have to leave early for soccer.
True. But, counterpoint,
maybe I should take it
because I'm annoying and messy
and gross to room with.
Whose stuff is in our room?
- Did they give us a new fucking roommate?
- [DOOR OPENING]
- Morning.
I thought we agreed to sleep head to foot.
We did, until one of your toes
got in my mouth.
- Sorry.
- Shall we start our day?
- Okay.
- Sorry. So you wanna go
I can't sleep like this much longer.
What day did the facilities people say
they could bring us another bed?
- Next Thursday.
- Leighton?
- Are you in here?
- Yes.
I'm trying to enjoy my coffee
in my favorite chair.
Instead, I'm surrounded by boxes
and boxes of shin guards.
How many do you need?
You only have two shins.
You wanna talk possessions?
- How many thigh-high boots do you have?
- Enough to survive.
- Ladies, calm down.
- [GASPS]
Bela, how long have you been in here?
Were you listening
to my private conversation with Alicia?
Not actively.
But passively, yes. And boy, was it hot.
Hey, what position is bumper to bumper?
- We were talking about traffic.
- Obviously, this
- [OBJECTS CLATTERING]
- Obviously, this isn't working.
- We need a room that fits four people.
- Agreed.
None of us will be able
to bring anyone back here.
Unless someone already did?
Is anyone else in here?
My actions got us into this mess,
so I'll be the one to get us out.
Unless any of you would
like to do it instead?
- It's clearly you.
- Are you kidding me?
- You can't be serious.
- [LEIGHTON] No.
I'm so excited for my classes today.
I've carefully chosen courses
that should lead me to my life goal.
Becoming a Supreme Court justice
by the age of 53.
Fifty-three? I wanna be retired by then.
No, that's one of the coolest things
about becoming a justice.
I can keep working into my 100s.
Or my 110s.
Whitney, those guys
were definitely checking you out.
[KIMBERLY] Or were they admiring
my comments on work ethic?
No, they were checking out your face,
boobs, and now your butt.
Honestly, I don't care. This year,
my focus is only on school and soccer.
- No boy drama. Don't have time.
- No sex at all?
I mean, I'll hook up, sure,
but if they text too much afterwards,
they get ghosted. Bye. She busy.
- Hello, bitches.
- Lila.
I was hoping I'd run into you guys.
I need you to hand out several hundred
of these fliers for my fashion show.
- Oh! You're a designer?
- Hell, yes, I am.
Clothing, much like the shoulder muscles
of male gymnasts,
is one of my biggest passions.
This summer,
I interned at the Fashion Institute.
I learned a lot, and I stole
so much fabric. Filled two Kias.
What materials do you use?
Do you work with fleece?
- I love fleece.
- Fleece?
- Fix her.
- Yeah.
I will see y'all there.
Dress to impress, but do not upstage me.
I love you. Bye.
Did something bad happen to fleece?
Wait. You're taking
Intro to African-American Studies?
Yeah.
At my confirmation hearing, I want it
on record that I took this class.
Also, so it doesn't go unspoken,
as a white woman,
I recognize the privilege that it is to
be welcomed into this environment.
- So, thank you.
- Okay.
Oh, shit. A sinfully hot guy
is headed our way. Just act cool.
- You know I can't.
- Just chill.
Hey. I'm Isaiah. What's your name?
- Whitney.
- Kimberly.
Oh, you were talking to her.
Yeah, talk to her.
Well, Whitney, it's gonna be really hard
for me to focus with
you in this class
but I will try.
[KIMBERLY] Wow.
That guy was very attractive.
For you. Not for me.
I'm here to listen and learn.
- Enough.
- Got it.
Leighton, come in. I've got great news.
I heard back from my colleague at
MIT, and they are willing to admit you.
Wait. Really?
- Oh, my God.
- Of course.
Your grades are excellent,
your scores are off the chart.
I mean, what did you think
was gonna happen?
I thought my dad would donate a gym.
Well, there's no need for that.
And they said they could squeeze you
in before they start classes next week.
It's a slay.
Next week? Uh, wow.
That's so soon.
- I'll have to think about it.
- Think about it? What?
Leighton, this is MIT.
The best math department in the country.
[BELA] All right,
folks. It's time for our
first unannounced room check.
I'll be sweeping for drugs, weapons,
and problematic placement
of extension cords.
Let's do this.
Okay. Looking good.
No noticeable trip hazard.
Oh, boy.
- Is something wrong?
- Yes, Lindsey. The candle.
It may smell amazing.
It'd kill us all in our sleep.
I got to write you up.
It's Lindsey with an L, right?
It's not mine, it's Taylor's.
Where is she?
I will have to speak to her about this.
- [TAYLOR MOANING]
- As you can hear, she's a little busy.
She locks me out all the time.
I've been waiting out here
for three hours.
Three hours? This is crazy.
Hey, Taylor. It's Bela.
Your FAF.
- Can I help you?
- Hi. Do you have a moment?
- Now?
- Mmm-mmm.
We should do this again sometime.
We should.
What do you want?
You can't sexile your roommate
for hours on end.
I won't write you up about this
this time, but
Pretty sure "sexiled" isn't a listed
infraction in your little tickets.
You don't know. It might be.
- Then show me.
- Just be a better roommate.
And keep your sexcapades
to reasonable length.
Or put them in a Google Calendar
or something.
Is this seriously
all you've interrupted me for?
No. I will also be
confiscating your candle.
I know you don't respect rules very much,
but every time you break one,
I'll be right here enforcing them.
Ow! Shit. Fuck.
The glass was hot.
But I will be back for that later.
Yep. My favorite Essex tree.
This tree and I have had
30 beautiful years together.
Wait. Is this my tree?
Yeah. There's the penis I carved in it.
[SNICKERS] This is my tree.
You didn't have to come all the way here
just so we can talk.
Are you kidding, honey?
I'll take any chance I can get
to come see my girl.
And to be in my favorite place.
Where I can just breathe so much easier.
I got into MIT as a transfer
and I'm considering leaving Essex.
I can't breathe.
I can't fucking breathe right now. Fuck.
Look, I know that this school is
a huge part of how you see our family.
First Nico left, and now you.
Oh, God.
I'm gonna die under this stupid tree.
Fuck.
Sorry. Daddy's just got big, big feelings.
The math classes here
are just not challenging enough for me.
And MIT will better set me up
for a career in finance.
It sounds like
you've already made up your mind.
Yeah, but I just don't wanna leave.
You know, like, I'm torn
between my best future
and my best life, and
I can't have both.
- What would you do?
- Look.
As you get a little bit older,
sometimes it seems like your best moments
are all behind you.
But I think that if
you follow your heart,
and try to make
choices that are exciting
and real and authentic to you,
then your best days
will always be ahead of you
because you'll be on the path
to becoming who you're meant to be.
So you're saying you think I should leave?
Fuck. Am I?
I guess I am.
But it's your call.
I have another hour
before I have any classes,
if you wanna just sit under this tree.
I would like that very much.
Maybe we could sing the Essex
fight song one more time.
Just softly.
Yeah, we can always do that. Anytime.
Two, three, four.
[BOTH SINGING] Go, Essex, go
Fight bravely and fight true
I'm sorry. I think I'm gonna cry.
Yeah, Daddy's definitely crying.
Hi. I'm Kimberly Finkle, and I'd
like to apply for a room switch.
All right. Let's get you a form.
What's the reason for the switch?
My friend and I didn't end last year
on the best of terms.
It's my fault, not hers.
I majorly violated girl code
and I kissed a boy I shouldn't have.
There was tongue,
so we definitely went to first base.
And then in a bedroom at a frat party,
he took his shirt off.
So I guess I went to second base on him.
But it didn't go much further.
We didn't, like, make love or anything.
Anyway, we're good,
but now we're four people in a triple,
so we need a quad.
- I can write that down if it's helpful.
- Yeah, it's not.
Listen. Room switching this late is tough,
but I can give you a tip.
- Mmm-hmm.
- There's two kinds of applications.
People who want things,
and then people who require things
for their mental health.
And you can tell your supervisor
I really want this.
- Okay. So, the big pile?
- Uh-huh.
That's people who want things.
Probably not gonna get them.
But if you apply to the quad
for mental health reasons
I'm not applying
for mental health reasons.
- Yeah, but if you were
- I don't think I am. I'm pretty happy.
Are you seriously not understanding
what I'm saying right now?
[GASPS] Oh! Okay.
So, this is for mental health reasons,
and the situation is very distressing.
Good to know.
I can expedite your application.
Just fill out the top of the form,
and take a seat.
And when you write your phone number,
just write it real clearly,
in case anybody who works here
wants to look it up later.
Damn, Bela. Who got you flowers?
Uh, they're actually for you.
They're from Isaiah,
the hot guy in our class.
And he got you champagne.
It's really fancy.
It's like we're at
the grand opening of a boat.
[LEIGHTON] We're drinking champagne now?
What happened to three random kinds
of alcohol just mixed together?
A boy got all this for Whitney.
And the label's in cursive,
so you know it's expensive.
Okay. Well, I'm sure it looks fancy.
But real champagne is actually
- Oh, my God. This bottle is 600.
- Dollars?
- [GASPS]
- Wait. This guy's rich? I'm so out.
What? Why?
I'm sorry. Typically, being rich makes
someone more attractive, not less.
I don't date rich guys.
All the ones in my boarding school
were stunted and lazy and boring,
and always had to have their way.
If Isaiah is this rich,
it's a deal breaker.
Okay. Well, before we start just
casually throwing
around the term "rich,"
let's just look this guy up. Okay, Isaiah.
Okay. So, he is the son
of a telecom billionaire.
[BELA] Holy shit.
- He's richer than Leighton.
- [KIMBERLY] Wow.
So, Leighton, what I am to you,
you are to him. You're his Kimberly.
No, I don't care for that at all.
We can stop talking about it,
and we're sending all this stuff back.
No.
Hey, I actually wanted to talk to you guys
about something.
It's, um
- It's pretty
- Oh, my God. Wait. Major news alert.
- We just got approved for the quad.
- Yes!
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.
Sorry, Leight. What did you wanna say?
That it
I mean, it was windy out today.
You know,
I just thought we'd talk about it.
[KIMBERLY] Honestly, I would love to.
What do you guys think the difference
between wind and breeze is?
Like, when does a breeze become a wind?
And what makes a gust?
There you are, Bela. Thanks for coming.
Take a seat.
As you know,
at Essex we take our
student body's sense
of safety and autonomy very seriously.
Totally. I don't even think of it
as an autono-me.
I think of it as an autonomo-us.
You can use that if you want.
People might like it.
We need to discuss
some recent behavior in your FAF group.
Yeah. I hate to say it, Taylor,
but I agree.
Like I said, actions have consequences.
Sorry. We're here to discuss you.
- Me?
- It's been deeply disturbing.
Did you tell Taylor to schedule her sex
in a Google Calendar?
Okay. I did say that,
but that was just a suggestion.
- To solve a roommate complaint.
- Miss Malhotra,
at Essex we don't put walls up
as to when a woman
can or can't have sex.
Taylor, do you wanna tell Bela
how that made you feel?
When my sexuality is policed like that,
[SOBS] I feel a sense of shame.
As a young queer woman
in a foreign nation,
Bela's actions have made me feel unsafe.
- That was very brave of you, Taylor.
- [BELA] This is crazy.
I'm not a sex-shamer.
I support all kinds of lifestyle.
- Except when it comes to my religion.
- Excuse me?
As a practicing Wiccan,
I have to light candles
for the blood moon and solstice.
See? This is ridiculous.
Taylor is not a Wiccan.
She doesn't even know what a solstice is.
No one does.
Unfortunately,
I am going to have to assign you
to another round
of online sensitivity training.
Right. Of course.
- I, uh, welcome any opportunity to learn.
- Good.
Taylor, I wish you a restful
and meaningful blood moon week.
I appreciate that, Ms. Barnes.
- Love and light to you.
- And also with you.
Bye, Bela.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm returning these.
- What's the reason for the return?
I'm transferring.
So I won't be needing these books anymore.
Okay. Well, we can't refund to a card,
but we can give you cash.
Cash? [CHUCKLES] What the hell
am I supposed to do with cash?
Forget it.
Just consider it a donation or whatever.
No. You're transferring?
Don't even try to lie.
I basically been majoring
in overhearing things.
Plus, I haven't heard good gossip in hours
and I need a hit real bad.
Okay. Listen, I haven't told people yet.
So if you could just keep this between us.
Of course. As long as you
don't tell anyone about that time
you saw me getting freaky
with a certain B-list celebrity
who was speaking on campus,
because I cannot violate that NDA.
I genuinely have no idea
what you're talking about.
Oh, okay. Then we good.
- Okay.
- Bye, boo.
You know,
you stutter-step before you shot.
Try lengthening your stride.
Thanks.
Stutter-step?
That first-year
better worry about her own shot.
She wasn't wrong.
Sometimes you look like a Roomba
that got stuck in a corner.
Hey. Do you wanna come with me
while I do something real quick?
I literally never have anything to do.
- Let's go.
- Great.
Hey. You get my flowers?
Yeah. And I'm flattered,
but you're wasting your time.
I'm not interested.
Just busy with classes and soccer.
I have classes and a life too.
Am I missing something here?
I don't date rich guys. Okay?
I'm not into dudes
who throw their money around to get girls.
Now you're dismissing me because I'm rich?
That's just classist.
Okay. Well, no offense to you
and your Versace shirt
that you're wearing to play basketball
for some reason,
but throwing Daddy's money around
is not a turn-on for me.
First off, I'm not an Italian drug
lord. This is Balenciaga, not Versace.
And yeah, my family's rich,
and I'm proud of it.
Because unlike the rich white folks
at this school,
I'm not the product
of generational wealth.
My dad made it himself.
And I don't know.
Since there aren't a lot of examples
of Black wealth in this country,
maybe I embrace
being a visible example of one.
- [MEN LAUGHING]
- This is getting embarrassing.
- Can I peace?
- Sorry. I'll see you around.
- "I don't date rich guys"?
- Shut up.
I can't. No. We're not talking about it.
I don't even like dick
and I know that was dumb.
It was horrible.
I haven't been that mortified since my
mom mispronounced
SZA's name on Kimmel.
My day sucked too.
I spent four hours
in front of a computer
learning about religious tolerance.
Like, Jesus Christ, I get it.
Well, I have good news to cheer you up.
I got the keys to the new suite.
- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
Hello.
Oh, my God, Lila.
Your dress is incredible.
Thank you.
Isn't she cute and boob forward?
Very to both. Did you make it?
No, no, no.
My collection is mainly menswear.
Speaking of which, I have to go
and make sure all the male models
are giving enough face
and body and butt and crotch.
But thank you so much
for coming to support me.
Make a path. Designer coming through.
Okay, guys. Don't look, but that's Eli.
He's the guy who helped me get the room.
- No. I said don't look.
- Don't look means look.
- Damn. He's crazy hot.
- I'm pretty sure we were vibing.
Like, at the end of our convo,
he put his hand on my arm like this.
Like the way an old nurse touches you
when she draws blood?
No. It was a vibe.
At least, I think he was vibing.
Maybe I don't know vibes.
Question for you. Was he vibing with
you as much as he's
vibing with that guy?
Okay, I'm thinking maybe
I picked up the wrong impression.
He's definitely not giving that guy
the wrong impression.
They make a hot couple. Sorry, though.
That's okay. It's not the first time
I've fallen for a gay guy.
And it won't be the last.
Thank you all for being here.
Before the show starts,
I have a few words to share.
What you are experiencing tonight
could never be accomplished
by just one person.
And somehow it was.
- And that person is me.
- [ALL CHEERING]
And with that, I would love
to introduce the DJ to tonight's show,
whom I've allowed to say
no more than 50 words.
Seriously, girl. Keep it short.
Thanks, Lila.
Some of you may remember me as Travis,
but much like Mulan
looking into that dirty-ass pond,
I too have seen a reflection
of who I truly am inside.
And I'm no longer that annoying boy
who lives down the hall.
Now I'm Trish,
the annoying girl down the hall.
I'm a woman
of the trans experience, bitch.
- Hit the music. Let's start this show.
- [ALL CHEERING]
[SCREAMS]
- She's fine. Start the show.
- [ALL CHEERING]
- Is Lila's clothing line just
- Male underwear?
- This does make sense.
- Well, I'm not complaining.
I wish Leighton was here.
Obviously she wouldn't be into
the boys or the briefs or the bulges,
but she would've loved to see Trish fall.
Guys, is Leighton being weird
with either of you?
She's being, like, super quiet on text.
Maybe it's 'cause she's transferring.
- What?
- Shit. Did you not know?
She said she hasn't told people yet,
but I assumed she told her best friends.
I guess that makes me her best friend.
Damn. I'm losing my best friend.
- Okay, that's her. Here she comes.
- How can you be sure?
I'd know the clip-clop
of those little heels anywhere.
Hey, you three.
- What are you doing?
- You're fucking transferring?
- I was going to tell you.
- Were you even gonna tell us?
Sorry. I realize you just answered
that, but when I'm
mad I don't listen well.
And right now I'm really mad.
- How could you keep this from us?
- Yeah. We talk about everything.
You didn't think we needed to know this?
I didn't wanna say anything
until I was sure.
And, honestly, I don't know.
Part of me still isn't.
Look, this is a super hard decision.
It's not easy for me either.
Where would you even go?
- MIT.
- Damn. Okay.
- Wait. Because Alicia's in Boston?
- No. No, no, no. That is not it.
MIT has a math program
that Essex just can't match.
I can't believe this is happening.
And that you would tell Jocelyn before us.
Like, are we not as close
as I thought we were?
No.
No. We are. Shit.
This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
The reason I didn't tell you guys is
because I thought that if I told you,
I would make it more real.
I came to Essex thinking that I was
going to date men and
I would be in Kappa.
And I would have done those things
and I would have been miserable.
Then I met you three
and you gave me the strength to be myself.
So you're saying we have
the power to manipulate your mind?
Then stay.
I don't want to go.
I can't imagine
not having you guys with me.
I mean, it is terrifying.
But I think this is what I have to do
if I care about my future.
And I really need your support,
'cause if I don't have that,
I know I'll change my mind.
I can't lose you guys as friends.
You will never lose us as friends. Never.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
Love you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
So, when do you leave?
My dad is coming to pick me up
in the morning.
So, I better go and start packing.
Oh, no.
If this is our last night together,
we're not spending it packing.
We are pre-gaming our hot little asses
off and then we are
going out hard. Okay?
And then you guys will help me pack,
no matter how late we get home?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
We'll see.
- All right. Let's go.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- But can I pick where we pre-game?
Hi. We used to live
in this room last year,
and now we need you to get the fuck out
so we can drink here.
Wait, wait, wait. Remember?
This is where Leighton came in,
saw who she was rooming with,
and immediately left.
- [LAUGHING]
- And this is where she came crawling back
because she realized
how much she loves us.
I wonder if our names are
still carved into the floorboard.
No. They sanded them out.
Oh! My gum is still stuck on the wall.
They can't erase us completely.
Okay, okay. All right.
Less memories, more shots.
[BELA] Okay. Glass. Any glass.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Guys, Eli just DM'd,
asking if I'm going to the Omega party.
- Who the hell is Eli?
- He's my new gay friend. I think.
And he's sending you a purple devil emoji?
That's a sex emoji.
I know because of how often I use it.
[KIMBERLY] Why would purple devil
mean sex?
Shouldn't it mean purple devil?
Okay. Did you guys not look
and see who he follows?
It's, like, a bunch of thirst traps,
both male and female,
so he's gotta be, like,
bi or pan or something.
Oh, my God. Did it take me doing this
for you guys to figure it out?
Wow. You're really gonna
be lost without me.
So, maybe he is into me?
And maybe we should go to Omega right now.
- Yes.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Perfect. Come on.
- Move it.
Wait. Wait.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Tonight is gonna be one of
the best nights of our lives,
and I am gonna document
every second of it.
Okay, Bela, please stop.
You say that now,
but when you're 90 years old,
you're gonna be thankful
I took every single one of these.
My phone died.
- Does anyone have a charger?
- Let it go. Let it go.
Okay. I'm gonna go get a drink.
See, I wish I had
a picture of her saying that.
I know you do.
You guys, look who I found.
Our own Ann Taylor Loft.
Lila, your show was incredible.
The way you can shape a man's bulge
is nothing short of beautiful.
What can I say? Penis is my passion,
and when it comes to taint,
I've got no restraint.
- [CHEERING]
- I sold every single piece.
Y'all bitches
are looking at a thousand-aire.
So drinks are on me.
That's amazing.
But aren't the drinks here free?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
The girl who's offended by wealth
is back for round two.
Everyone, swallow your jewelry,
hide your labels.
Look, I wanna apologize for earlier.
Because of how embarrassing
it was for you?
Honestly, yes. Okay.
But also, you made some good points.
I was being judgmental.
But just to be clear,
I am still not interested in dating.
Why do you keep talking about dating?
I saw you. I thought you were hot,
and I wanted to hang.
Oh, you just
You sent me all those gifts,
so I assumed you liked me.
Like you? I don't even know you yet.
But I do have an idea
on how we can change that.
Why don't you let me show you sometime?
Wow. You are very confident
in yourself, aren't you?
And I think you like it.
Hit me up.
Happy blood moon, Bela. Blessed be.
You know what, Taylor? No.
I'm having a great time,
and I'm not letting you ruin my night.
Look, I'm sorry
I had to go over your head,
but I needed you to understand
who you're dealing with.
I will happily play this game
all year long,
so do yourself a favor. Leave me alone.
I don't need a babysitter.
Okay, Taylor. You win. I'm done.
I will focus on students
who actually want my help,
and happily ignore your existence.
Light 100 candles
and put them on a hot plate
under your flammable drapes.
And when you wake up on fire,
don't text me.
Because you don't need help.
See you never. Excuse me. Coming through.
I love this song.
[GASPS] Eli just walked in.
Wow. He's hotter in person
than in pictures.
I thought that was only true for me.
Crap. He's coming over. What do I do?
Just do what he did with that guy
we saw him with.
You think I should grab his butt?
- Flirt.
- Oh, right.
- Hey. You made it.
- I did.
And I'm glad that you were able
to attend this function as well.
Okay, we don't have time for this tonight.
Eli, hi. Are you bi?
- What?
- I'm a lesbian. I'm not asking for myself.
- Got it. I am.
- Do you think she's cute?
I'd say more than that.
Okay, great. You two, go and talk
over there. Come on. Go.
- That was a lot.
- What?
Sometimes being a lot
is the only way to get shit done.
I think I'm getting much better
at dancing this year.
- Do you like this?
- Yeah. Sure, baby.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look.
Hell, yeah, girl. Get that hot bi king.
That purple devil emoji does not lie.
I told him I'd talk to him later.
'Cause tonight is for the girls.
Very dumb. I'd have taken him
to the laundry room
and gone through all the bases twice.
I think it's nice.
For the rest of the night, it's just us.
- Agree?
- Agree.
[FEMALE STUDENT] Leighton Murray?
I've been working up the courage
to speak to you for over a year.
My name is Rachel, and I am
I'm moving to Boston tomorrow
and I have a girlfriend.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Okay. So that's been dealt with.
You guys wanna go get a drink?
Yes.
- Keep that up. I love that.
- Hey.
Okay. We need more and more drinks.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- [FEMALE STUDENT] Bela?
- Bela?
- [SIGHS]
Taylor got way too drunk and passed out,
and we didn't know what to do.
- We took her to the medical facility.
- Shit.
Okay. You did the right thing
by telling me.
Let me get my shoes.
Let me guess. You're a FAF.
I am too.
Yeah, my shortest freshman got drunk
and tried to jump over
a really pointy fence.
- Alcohol poisoning.
- Oh, a classic.
Pro tip. You're gonna
wanna ask the nurse
for, like, a really strong plastic bag
if you're the one to take them home.
Is this what my Saturday nights
are like now?
Waking up at 4:00 in the morning
because someone else
couldn't control themselves?
Yeah.
I have the medical center set
to "home" on my Google Maps.
- I'm Arvind.
- Bela.
Okay, honey. You can come with me.
[BELA] They had to pump your stomach.
One more drink and things
could have been so much worse.
Look, I know you don't like me and
you think you're
invincible, but this is
I need help.
I
I've been sober for over a year and
Thought I could handle it on my own,
here in the States, but
I slipped.
I need help.
Right.
Of course.
I'm here.
[WHITNEY] Okay. Bye.
And you could always come visit.
The train is only
$122 if you're in coach.
Coach? Kimberly, I would rather
You know what? I will just say thank you.
That sounds very nice.
[HENRY] All right, honey. Time to go.
Oh, I went a little crazy
at the gift shop.
I got some mugs and a bunch of hoodies
and a cheerleading outfit for your mom.
So, you're gonna have
to really cram your stuff in there.
- We love you.
- I love you, guys.
By the way, I left you my Smeg fridge,
some clothes, and a bathroom caddy.
Sounds like someone
didn't wanna finish packing.
I did not.
- I call the fridge.
- What? No.
No, the fridge is for everyone. Stop it.
Oh, let's stop by the new room
to measure for window treatments.
And also, now that
we're three people in a quad,
we have to figure out who gets the single.
I mean, I could take it.
That way I don't wake anyone up
when I have to leave early for soccer.
True. But, counterpoint,
maybe I should take it
because I'm annoying and messy
and gross to room with.
Whose stuff is in our room?
- Did they give us a new fucking roommate?
- [DOOR OPENING]