The Umbrella Academy (2019) s03e02 Episode Script

1
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]
[LUTHER GRUNTS]
[BELL DINGS]
[PHONE RINGING]
[LUTHER EXHALES]
Good mornin'!
- [PHONE RINGS]
- For some.
Huh.
["THE PASSENGER" BY IGGY POP PLAYING]
[EXHALES SHARPLY, GRUNTS]
[RAVEN CAWING]
I am the passenger ♪
- [LUTHER] Morning!
- And I ride, and I ride ♪
[RAVEN SQUAWKING]
I ride through the city's backsides ♪
- [CAWING]
- I see the stars come out of the sky ♪
Yeah they're bright in a hollow sky ♪
- [RAPID GRUNTS]
- You know it looks so good tonight ♪
[SIGHS]
[LUTHER] Huh.
I am the passenger ♪
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[RAVENS CAWING]
[CAWING, WINGS FLUTTERING]
Oh shit.
Shit!
Whoa!
[CAWING]
Whoa!
[FRIGHTENED WHIMPERING]
[GRUNTS]
[LUTHER GROANS]
[RAVENS SQUAWKING]
- [ENERGY PULSING]
- Oh Whoa!
Oh shit!
Hello there, stranger.
[DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh! Hey.
[RAVENS CAWING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[SOMBER ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]
This one, or this one?
Uh-uh. I wanna hear about the time
the Umbrella Academy defeated
the robbers at the museum.
[ALLISON] Again?
Okay. [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
It was a dark and stormy night
[GASPS]
[EXCITED BREATHS]
Claire, it's Mommy.
- Mommy?
- [GASPS]
[SCREAMING]
What?
- Who the hell are you?
- Patrick? Wh
- Mommy! Mommy!
- What's going on? Who is this woman?
Wh Where's my baby?
You have ten seconds to leave.
- Where is Claire?!
- Lady, there's no Claire here.
- You're scaring her!
- I'm sorry. I
[SHUDDERING BREATHS]
Something is wrong.
Something is very wrong.
- [THUNDERCLAP]
- [MAN CLEARS THROAT]
[MAN] We're here. Hotel Obsidian.
[PHONE RINGING]
[PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
We take all kinds here.
[SISSY] You have given me
the greatest gift of a lifetime.
You let me feel alive
for the first time.
[WEEPING]
You helped me find hope again.
That's a wonderful thing.
[EMOTIONAL STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SISSY] You don't even
notice the box that you're in
until someone comes
along and lets you out.
- [BARBER] Can I help you?
- Hey.
Thanks.
[GROANS]
- [SQUEALS]
- [PLAYFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[DIEGO SNORING]
[DIEGO CONTINUES SNORING SOFTLY]
[KLAUS] Old Holland Road, Pennsylvania.
- Hmm.
- [DIEGO SIGHS]
[SNORING SOFTLY]
[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Christ, what a dump.
That little delinquent is your son?
- Allegedly my son.
- [LAUGHS] That's so funny!
Wait, who's who's the mother?
- Lila.
- Excuse me?
- Whoa, Lila's here?
- [DIEGO] Was.
She dropped him off in my
lap last night then bolted.
- I don't much care for that one.
- Don't.
Technically, she's family.
She was trying to murder
us, like, yesterday.
Yeah, like I said, "family."
Diego, is she coming back?
Well, she goddamn better be
because we got more important
things to be dealing with right now!
[KLAUS] Calm down. Shh.
- Where's Luther?
- Who cares? Probably out for a run.
[KLAUS] Mmm!
Love the haircut.
So I, uh, talked to Marcus last night.
Wait, what? You talked with the enemy?
- [DIEGO] By yourself?
- Somebody had to do something.
Who elected you, Vanya?
It's, uh, Viktor.
Who's Viktor?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
I am.
It's who I've always been.
- Uh, is that an issue for anyone?
- [KLAUS CHUCKLES]
Nah, I'm good with it.
Yeah, me too. Cool.
Truly happy for you, Viktor.
But last time I checked, you
don't speak for this family.
Okay, well, it's fine,
okay? Marcus totally gets it.
He doesn't want a war
any more than we do.
What are you talking about?
He tried to homicide us!
So did Lila, and you had a kid with her.
- That's not the point!
- [VIKTOR] We made a deal.
He's gonna give back Five's briefcase,
then we're gonna get
out of the timeline.
We're gonna meet later today
for the, uh, the handover.
Oh, thank God!
That's a rookie move.
Dude is playing you.
- Oh, really?
- [DIEGO] Yeah, but maybe we can use this.
And we turn it back on them, and
then we wipe them the hell out.
Diego, stop, please.
And you're not gonna,
like, do anything today.
Except bond with your spawn.
Alleged spawn.
[VIKTOR] I will get the briefcase,
and then we will all go
back and fix the timeline.
Hey, we're not going anywhere! This
is a perfectly acceptable timeline.
Yeah, why don't you
tell that to Allison,
who's upstairs grieving her daughter,
who doesn't even exist here!
Not to mention, we've been replaced
by a bunch of blobs and
cubes and birds and shit!
News flash, geniuses! It's not about us!
Take a look around.
If you hadn't noticed,
there's no doomsday.
There's no apocalypse.
The sun is shining.
Birds are doing whatever
the hell birds do.
That's all that matters.
We're done messing with time.
And I'm officially retired.
[SNIFFING]
Is he wearing aftershave?
I'm concerned.
[ENERGY THRUMMING]
[SHOCKWAVE PULSING]
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
Hey. What do you say
we get outta here, huh?
Take a little road trip.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about a
sojourn to the countryside.
You and me, the wind in our hair.
Thelma and Louise on the open road.
You know they die in the end, right?
Holding hands,
living our best life, my little cherub!
[QUIETLY] Listen to me.
I nearly died from Luther's
sleep farts last night.
We need to get out of
here, get some fresh air!
Okay, I'll bite. Why me, Klaus?
Because you said
you said you're retired,
and that's what retired people do.
[KLAUS] And don't you deserve some fun?
- [FIVE] There's no lobsters.
- [KLAUS] Excuse me?
There were three lobsters
in that tank a minute ago.
Yeah, well, you know, maybe Chet
blended 'em into a morning smoothie.
- You're an idiot, but I'm in.
- Whoo!
- [STAN] Let me go! Get your hands off me!
- I saw what you did!
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
Your son stuffed three
mini muffins down his pants.
And this is a buffet! I can
take whatever the hell I want!
I got him. Come on.
- [STAN] Wait, take it easy.
- [DIEGO] Time for some ground rules.
How about no physical assault?
- That's a
- Shut up and listen.
- [PHONE RINGING IN BACKGROUND]
- [DISTANT SIREN WAILING]
My father was a Hall of Fame asshole.
And when I was a little pissant
like you, I made a promise to myself
that I would never act like
him to any kid of mine.
Yeah, stop. I'm gonna cry.
But I'm a busy man, with a
lot on my shoulders, okay?
So I'm not gonna let you slow
me down either, all right?
Yeah, you look really busy right now.
You can stay until your
mom gets back, all right?
But no more doing dumb shit,
or else you and I are gonna
have a serious problem.
Look at me.
¿Me entiendes?
[PLAYFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Dude, your
ear's leaking.
Oh, I
Yeah, I forgot to pack my ear medicine.
Oh sh Ear medicine, huh?
If I don't drain it, uh, pus leaks
out, and it smells like cat puke.
Come on.
Whoa, whoa! Where do
you think you're going?
Kid thing. I'll be right back.
No. I need you to stay put
and not do anything stupid
until I get the briefcase.
Yeah, and you're not
the boss of him, okay?
- Who
- [KLAUS] Come on.
We'll get a few road
sodas for the journey.
Sometimes, you gotta clear the head out.
[VIKTOR] Guys, wait.
Where are you going?
- Get the rats out of the maze, you know?
- [FIVE] Come on.
[WOMAN HUMMING GENTLY]
Mom?
Why do people keep calling me that?
[GROANS] Where am I?
The Academy, silly.
Everybody's waiting for you.
[MYSTERIOUS STRING MUSIC PLAYS]
The Academy?
[HUMMING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]
[BLENDER WHIRRING]
[WOMAN LAUGHING IN BACKGROUND]
- Ah, there he is.
- [BLENDER STOPS WHIRRING]
Please, join us.
It's okay. Nobody's gonna hurt you.
- Smoothie?
- Oh.
Yeah, thanks. [CHUCKLES]
[FEI] You must be starving.
[LUTHER] Oh, uh
No, I I probably shouldn't.
Is that cashew butter?
Cashew butter, almond butter,
sunflower butter, tahini, Brazil nut.
Wow. You know what?
Now that you mention it, I
am feeling a little bit, uh,
peckish, actually.
- Help yourself.
- [LUTHER] Thanks.
[PLAYFUL STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
[SOFTLY] Wow.
[EXHALES]
So, we know you're Number One,
but we haven't been
formally introduced yet.
I'm Ben, Number Two.
It is so good to see you
again, buddy. [CHUCKLES]
Why does everyone keep
looking at me like that?
Because you've been dead for 15 years.
[BEN] Dead?
What do you mean, dead?
Kind of a long story.
Anyway, I'm Fei, Number Three.
Alphonso, cuatro.
Sloane. Five. Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm Jayme, Six.
[BEN] That's Christopher,
of course. Number Seven.
[CHRISTOPHER SPEAKS]
Oh, don't mind him. He's in
a bit of a saucy mood today.
[SPARROWS CHUCKLING]
He wouldn't get it.
It's just so [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
Wait, uh, what about, um, Number One?
- What about him?
- Where is he?
- [GASPS]
- That's what we'd like to know.
Are we playing a game?
Whatever game the Umbrellas are playing,
you're gonna lose!
You took our Number One,
so we took you.
Wait, we took Marcus?
[CHUCKLES] Why would we do that?
Act of war? Death wish?
The last time we saw him,
he was with your sister.
- Which one?
- The little one with the big powers.
- Vanya? Huh.
- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, I gotta say,
it does not sound like Vanya
to go and kidnap anybody.
[CHUCKLES] You know, having said that,
I am usually the last to
know about these kinda things.
You're their Number One.
Shouldn't you know everything?
I know. You'd think so, Ben.
Discipline has never
really been our strong suit.
It's pretty much a free-for-all
over there. [CHUCKLES]
So, listen.
This sounds like an easy fix.
I'll head back.
I mean, my family's probably
worried sick about me, to be honest.
And if they have your guy, I'll
send him back without a scratch.
All right? No harm, no foul.
How's that sound?
Good?
Great.
What's the rush? Stick
around till Marcus is back.
[CHRISTOPHER SPEAKS MENACINGLY]
[LUTHER] My family will come for me.
Wonderful.
In the meantime, make yourself at home.
Oh, and, uh
before I forget, if you try to escape,
Fei's birds will peck your eyes out
and make a nest inside your skull.
[CHUCKLES]
Cool.
So, what do you like to do for fun?
[VIKTOR] Hey, d'you get any sleep?
[FOOD TRAY RATTLES]
Brought you some breakfast.
I'm not hungry.
Come on. You should
really eat something.
- This is all my fault.
- Stop. No.
I knew something could
go wrong if we came back.
I knew it, and I risked it anyway.
I left Ray to be with Claire, and now
Now it's like she never existed.
And I don't even have a picture of her.
[SIGHS]
There might be a way out of this.
What do you mean?
Five's briefcase. I'm
gonna try and get it back.
How?
I'm meeting Marcus again
today. We're gonna do a trade.
"Again"?
Yeah, I went to see
him last night, and
Alone? What were you thinking?
I needed to do something.
For you. For For all of us.
- [SCOFFS]
- What? What do you
If you think I'm not
coming, you're insane!
If you think I don't want you there
with me, then you're even crazier.
[SOFT CHUCKLE]
Just don't give up yet, okay?
Since when are you the optimist?
Making a few changes, I guess.
The hair?
It's a bit more than
that, actually, but
I'll explain on the way.
Okay.
[SLURPING LOUDLY]
[PLAYFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[BELCHING]
Berlin, here we come.
[BRIEFCASE WHIRS]
[BRIEFCASE POWERS DOWN]
Uh
Come on, work, you stupid briefcase.
[BRIEFCASE WHIRS, SPUTTERS]
[SPUTTERING]
I'm ready to go!
Mother! Cunt! Bitch!
Fuck off!
Why won't you fucking work,
you little bitch!
I need to get to Berlin!
Fuck!
["THE OOGUM BOOGUM SONG"
BY BRENTON WOOD PLAYING]
Oogum, oogum, boogum, boogum ♪
Boogum now, baby ♪
You're castin' your spell on ♪
This actually isn't so terrible.
See? Told you.
Come to think of it, my whole
life I've been under the gun.
Missions for Dad,
working for the Commission,
trying to survive the apocalypse.
I was always looking
around every corner,
just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- It's nice to just breathe.
- Good for you, man.
Retirement is suiting you.
Oh! Uh All right!
So, I've circled all the roadside
attractions along the way.
- I'm not sure we're gonna have time
- We have the Brownsville Big Nickel.
Oh, Ricky's Bakery
has award-winning pies.
- If you just let me explain
- Or there's this Cow Henge.
That's it Don't
Listen to me. Just shut
up for two seconds, okay?
Just two seconds? All right?
Okay, I'm all ears.
We are going to Pennsylvania to find
my birth mother. Yay!
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.
I just needed somebody to come
with me for emotional support.
Oh, emotional support, like a Schnauzer?
I knew you wouldn't come if I told
you, so what was I supposed to do?
You're goddamn right I wouldn't
have come, Klaus. You know why?
- Because I am supposed to be retired!
- I know!
This was supposed to
be a carefree road trip.
Well, it still can be, babe.
[FIVE] Ball of Twine? Klaus, turn!
- Ball of Twine! Turn!
- What? Five! Five!
It is one of the best ones! Come on!
- Five, we're gonna die! Whoo!
- I don't care! Let go!
[FIVE] You know what? No
twine, no birth mother!
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
I didn't Well, I
Uh, I just I can't
believe I never realized.
Well, how would you?
No, I know, I just I
feel like such an asshole.
Hey, just shut up for two seconds?
You couldn't have known 'cause,
I mean, I didn't fully.
Being with Sissy
I don't know. She
opened something in me.
Showed me I'd never be free
hiding from who I really am.
And after losing her, I realized
[SIGHS]
I just can't live in that box anymore.
I won't.
[DRAMATIC STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
You know, I always hated mirrors.
I thought everybody felt
so strange in their skin.
I guess that's not true, right?
What do you see now?
Me.
Just me.
Thank you for trusting me with this.
You're family, Viktor.
Okay?
And there's nothing
nothing that would
make me love you less.
Come on.
[KLAUS] Yeah, you know.
I don't know why, but I
thought it'd be a lot bigger.
- [FIVE] Seems pretty big to me.
- Ehh.
Here's the real question.
How do you know your birth
mother is in Pennsylvania?
Well, because I was on the
ass end of a two-week bender,
and I can't tell you the exact date
because we were boofing
Xanax and the whole business,
but Amy Winehouse was
at the top of the charts.
So that puts us somewhere,
where? In the mid to late aughts?
[KLAUS] I helped myself
into Dad's office,
looking for the key to his safe
'cause he had Pogo lock
up all the stealables.
But instead, I found a treasure
trove of our family history
told in expired check stubs.
[SHUDDERS]
[KLAUS] Rachel Herschberger?
[SOFT STRING MUSIC PLAYING]
[KLAUS] I was too messed up
to, uh, do anything about it,
too scared to look her up.
But always in the back of my mind,
I wondered why she sold
me off for three grand.
I mean, come on, she couldn't
have held out for five? Six?
You see anything about my mother?
No. Sorry.
- Why now?
- Well, duh.
Dad disowns us. Grace isn't Grace.
Ben's gone.
Now just felt like a good a time as
any to find out who I could've been
if I didn't grow up
in this stupid family.
Well, can you really
call what we had a family?
No. It's more like a
- Institute for Snarky Delinquents.
- [LAUGHS]
And not a good one at that.
But what is family? What is it?
It's like some kind of
giant ball of twine
that can never be untangled.
A giant ball of obligation I've
been pushing uphill my entire life.
[KLAUS] And the older you
get, the bigger it gets.
- And the more you try and untangle it
- You watch it roll down the hill
[IN UNISON] And what's the point?
Hey, I'm glad you came along.
You're a good brother.
All right, all right. You
say nice things about me now.
Let's go find your stupid mother.
[WHIMSICAL STRING MUSIC SWELLS]
Love you too, tiny dancer!
[DIEGO] Hurry up. All right?
We gotta get back to the hotel.
[STAN] Yeah, I gotta find the right one.
- Just get the no-name shit.
- Have you tried the no-name shit?
No, because ears don't squirt
juice every time I get excited.
Yeah, then trust me. I need my brand.
[ENTRANCE BELL CHIMES]
[ALPHONSO] Jayme, get me munchies.
- Oh, I found it
- [SHUSHES]
- Go wait outside.
- [STAN] Why?
[DIEGO] I'm about to
kick this fool's ass.
- Don't worry. I got your back.
- Go.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SNIFFS]
[SNIFFS]
[JAYME HUMMING]
[CLERK CLEARS THROAT]
[HISSES]
[SNIFFS]
[DIEGO WHISTLES]
Well, isn't this a coinkidink?
Only dink I see is yours, tough guy.
- You followed me here?
- Don't flatter yourself.
Leave now, or I'm gonna spank
you like the little bitch you are.
["QUANDO QUANDO QUANDO" PLAYING]
Take your best shot, tubby.
- [BONE CRACKS]
- Oh shit!
I know. Doesn't feel good, does it?
Tell me quando, quando, quando ♪
We can share a love divine ♪
[GRUNTS]
Please don't make me wait again ♪
[DIEGO GROANS]
[SHARP EXHALE]
When will you say yes to me? ♪
Ah shit!
Tell me quando, quando, quando ♪
[BONE SNAPS]
- You mean happiness to me ♪
- [GRUNTS]
Oh, my love please tell me when ♪
[PANTING]
Dude, your chin.
It does that sometimes.
[GROANS]
Stanley, no!
[STAN GROANS]
Goddamnit!
Ow, my leg!
- You getting how this works yet?
- That's my kid, asshole!
[ALPHONSO GROANS]
Are you getting tired yet?
Heart's getting weaker?
Not even close.
[ALPHONSO SNARLS]
[PANTING]
- You all right? Where'd he get you?
- I'm fine. I'm fine!
- [DIEGO] Oh, you'll be all right.
- Oh dear!
You're good. You're okay. It's not
that bad. Stop crying, all right?
[HISSING]
To a joy beyond compare ♪
I can't wait a moment more ♪
[STAN] Watch out!
That girl was gonna hork on you, dude.
- [HISSES]
- [DIEGO] Move! Get down!
[GROANS]
- I can handle my own shit!
- Yeah, sure you can. [GRUNTS]
[CHUCKLES]
[DIEGO GRUNTS ANGRILY]
- Fuck yeah!
- Hey, watch your mouth!
[JAYME GROANS]
[GROANS]
[ALPHONSO WHIMPERS]
Come on.
[GRUNTS] What? No way! We
were kicking their asses!
"He who fights and walks away
lives to fight another day." Okay?
- That's some lame-ass shit.
- Yeah, I know.
When? ♪
Son of a bitch! Klaus is Amish.
- This explains everything.
- [COWS MOOING]
- How does this explain anything?
- Because look!
Look at this place!
This is everything my
childhood was missing.
- Hey, uh, Klaus?
- [KLAUS] Yeah?
Wait up a minute.
Doppelgänger check. You
feel anything strange?
Uh, itching, sweats,
gas, anything like that?
No. No, I feel great.
Apart from the old rash on the
tackle, but what can you do?
All right, good luck.
What? Wait, you're not coming?
- This one you gotta do alone.
- [KLAUS SIGHS]
Alone?
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I can do that, sure.
[PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello there.
[KLAUS] Yoo-hoo! Guten haben.
- Mom.
- [GASPS]
Nay, English.
No mothers here.
Only rabbits.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I I'm looking for
Rachel Herschberger.
[MAN] No Rachel.
[KLAUS] Oh, okay.
Well, that's a shame.
Do you happen to know
where I might find her?
- I'm trying to track her down.
- [MAN] There's no Rachel here.
Now, walk your fancy boots back to town
where you belong, and leave us be.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
All right. No need to get
your knickers in a twist there.
[WOMAN] Caleb, let the boy speak.
You're upsetting the womenfolk,
and now you're upsetting me.
No, that's not
I'm not upsetting the
womenfolk. Are you kidding?
Womenfolk love me.
[CALEB GRUNTS]
Ow! Jesus Christ! What's
the matter with you?
I I thought you people
were supposed to be nice!
[CALEB] That's what you call
a misconception, English.
All right, fine.
Fine!
But I want you to know
that you have ruined the
Amish for me, forever!
In here.
Ruined!
[CALEB] It's okay,
Sarah-Beth. He's leaving.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
This place is incredible!
We had the old lounge taken
out and had this put in.
You know, I thought the home theater
and the Zen garden were impressive,
but this is just next-level!
You know,
I always wanted the Umbrella
Academy to be like this.
You guys actually do stuff together!
You don't?
Uh
Nah, not really.
So, our brother died
when we were kids.
Number Six. Our Ben.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, and after that,
nobody really gave a shit.
Everyone had their own agenda,
and it's like pulling teeth to
get anybody to actually care.
And then, I guess after a
while, I stopped caring myself.
You know, about
training, the missions
About being Number One. [SCOFFS]
You're not what I was expecting.
- I'm not?
- No.
You're actually really sweet.
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
[SOFT EXHALE]
If I could, I'd get out
of here in a heartbeat.
Why can't you?
Why couldn't you?
Fair point.
This house, it's all I've
ever known my entire life.
And I know there are better
places out there in the world,
and one day, I want to see them all.
You know, I, uh
I spent a little time on the moon.
What? That is so cool!
- You think so?
- Yeah! The moon?
- My God. No one ever thinks that's cool.
- Yes!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
The moon, yeah!
[SOFT GASP]
So, tell me a little bit more
about that family of yours
before they decide to
come and rescue you.
Where are you guys staying anyway?
Oh, just some dumpy hotel downtown.
Uh, the Hotel
- You're trying to honey trap me.
- No, no, no.
No, of course. Luther, you're so stupid!
Oh, wow! You really
think the moon is cool?
- Luther, I wasn't
- Duh!
- I'm such
- [RAVEN CAWS]
Ben would like a word.
Go get cleaned up.
- Luther, I wasn't trying
- Sloane.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC SWELLS]
[SHOCKWAVE PULSING]
[COUNTRY SONG PLAYS ON RADIO]
Well, it's a cryin' shame ♪
[SINGING ALONG]
You don't even know my name ♪
[ENERGY PULSING]
- But every time you pass me by ♪
- [MOOING]
Girl, it makes me wanna cry ♪
- It's a cryin' shame
- [DISTRESSED MOOING]
I go inside the ♪
What is ?
Oh, can't I get one fucking day off?
I wasn't sure what kind you like best.
You did create all of them.
[ENERGY THRUMMING]
[THRUMMING LOUDLY]
[GRACE BREATHES HEAVILY]
[GRACE EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Hey!
- [SARAH-BETH SCREAMS]
Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- I don't want any trouble.
- No, no!
Hey.
You know Rachel, don't you?
She's my sister.
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
Hey! [CHUCKLES]
So, where can I find her?
Young man, she's been
dead for over 30 years.
- Oh.
- [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
So, but how did she die?
Brain hemorrhage.
Took her quick, thank the Lord.
What about her son?
What son?
Wait. When did she die again?
She passed October 1st,
Oh.
- What's the matter?
- No, it's just that that's my
That's my birthday.
- [CALEB] English, the cows are missing!
- You need to leave. Now.
- Oh! Oh shit!
- Go now!
[TICKING LOUDLY]
[DISTORTED CHATTER IN BACKGROUND]
[DISTORTED LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
Listen.
You know how to use
this briefcase, right?
Because last time Klaus tried
it, he ended up in Vietnam,
and I can't handle another screwup,
Viktor, I swear to God, I can't.
I know, I know.
Me neither.
Hey, Five is an asshole
Yes.
but he's not a monster.
When we explain what this
means to us, he'll help.
He has to.
But first, we need
to get that briefcase.
[BELL JINGLES]
[MAN] Here you go.
- [KLAUS] Five! Five!
- [PLAYFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Start the car, would ya?
- [AMISH CLAMORING]
- Oh my
Shit, shit, shit! Five!
Start the car!
Five! Start the car!
Hurry, hurry, hurry,
hurry, hurry, hurry!
Why can't you just
get along with people?
I tried. Really, I did. I tried!
- Wait, wait, wait!
- Hold on a second!
- Take this.
- What is it?
Rachel's death was unusual,
and she wasn't the only one.
Come on! Get in the car, Klaus!
You have her eyes.
- English, go!
- [FIVE] Klaus, it's now or never!
Klaus!
Go, go!
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
[AMISH YELLING AND CLAMORING]
This whole timeline's
chock-full of riddles. Get this.
My mom died here before I was even born!
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
- What did you just say?
- Yeah.
[BELL JINGLES]
He's not gonna show.
Something must be wrong.
Or he's blowing you off.
He's not the type.
And you know that after
spending 15 minutes together?
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] We
don't let your kind in here.
What did you say?
[SERVER] I said you're still here.
Do you wanna order while
you're waiting for your friend?
- Yeah.
- No, that
- [BABY CRYING]
- I'll be back. No rush.
- Allison, are you okay?
- [ALLISON] I I
I don't [SNIFFLES]
[CLAIRE] One more story, Mommy.
Claire, honey.
- [RAPID BREATHS]
- [CLAIRE] Mom, I want a story!
[VOICE ECHOES] I heard a
rumor that you're really tired.
- [SCREAMING]
- Allison, come on. What is happening?
Where is Claire?!
- I need to get some air.
- Hey!
Where are you g ?
[PANTING]
[ALLISON] What are you looking at?
[ALLISON] Hey!
[ALLISON] Hey, I'm talking to you!
[URINE TRICKLING]
[BOTTLES CLINKING]
Oh!
Sorry.
[MURMURING]
[VIKTOR] Allison?
Are you okay?
[WHEELS OF CART SQUEAKING]
[ALLISON] Yeah.
Um
Let's go.
[WIND HOWLING]
[JAYME] You were basically
screaming for help.
[ALPHONSO] I wasn't screaming.
I was kicking his ass.
You couldn't breathe, but
Doesn't look like your
family is coming anytime soon.
Oh, no, I'm sure they're just,
you know, working out
the final details and
- [FLOORBOARDS CREAK]
- such.
Relax. You're free to go.
Why?
Gesture of goodwill.
But I want you to pass along a very
important message to your family.
Yeah, of course.
Let Marcus go.
And if any of you hurt one
hair on him, we'll come for you.
- [BEN] All of you.
- [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
And I promise we won't be
so hospitable next time.
Super don't like being threatened, Ben.
You'll do as we say, or else
[RAVENS SCREECHING]
Birds. In my brain.
- [RAVEN CAWS]
- Got it.
Don't forget your tote
bag. [SNAPS FINGERS]
Hope you enjoyed your stay.
[RAVEN CAWS]
[RAVEN CAWS]
[WINGS FLUTTERING]
[RAVEN SCREECHES]
[GASPS]
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
[LAUGHING] Oh!
Excuse me.
I mean, who does that? Who does it?
[JAZZ PIANO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
What are you mumbling about?
Lila.
Dumping Stan on me
after all these years?
- I mean, that's not right.
- [SCOFFS]
Hey, man. If you did the deed,
don't blame her for the consequences.
That's not the point.
Oh, what's the point?
He's cramping my style.
I need to be able to react to
danger on a moment's notice.
How am I to do that when I'm
playing wet nurse to a 12-year-old?
You're his dad!
Alleged dad.
Well, at least you have a kid.
[ALLISON] Can I get another one?
[FIVE] Okay, gather round, people.
Where is Where's
every Where's Luther?
- Haven't seen him.
- Who knows?
Anybody know where
Okay, you know what?
We got bigger problems
to worry about right now.
Like what?
This.
[SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[VIKTOR] Who are they?
[FIVE] These are our mothers.
That one's mine.
They're all dead.
They all died on the exact same day,
October 1st, 1989.
- [VIKTOR] That's our birthday.
- Not anymore, it isn't.
They all died before we were born.
That's dumb. If we weren't
born, how can we exist?
- Exactly.
- What are you saying?
I'm saying, when we jumped
here, we created a time paradox.
All right? Not just any paradox.
This is the grandfather paradox.
What the hell is a grandfather paradox?
[DISTANT POLICE SIREN WAILING]
[SLOANE] Psst!
[WHISPERING] Luther! Hey!
["HIGHER LOVE" BY LILLY WINWOOD PLAYING]
Think about it ♪
There must be a higher love ♪
Down in the heart ♪
Or in the stars above ♪
Without it ♪
- [LUTHER] Whoa! What the
- Life is wasted time ♪
Look inside your heart ♪
I'll look inside of mine ♪
Things look so bad everywhere ♪
[THUD]
In this whole world ♪
What's fair? ♪
Go get 'em, T. J. [CRUNCHING]
We walk blind and we try to see ♪
Falling behind in what could be ♪
Bring me a higher love ♪
Hey.
- Shit.
- [SLOANE] Oh
- Okay, now what?
- Here. Yes.
[WINDOW CREAKING]
Just need to [GRUNTS]
Just Yeah. Okay.
[SLOANE] Um, I'm gonna
take this from you.
We have to be quiet.
[SIGHS] What the hell
do you want from me?
I wanted to apologize for earlier.
Is this another one of your games?
No, you don't understand.
We were being watched.
What? By who?
My family. They're crazy.
But I want to let you know,
I meant every word I said.
Even about the moon?
Especially about the moon.
Well, um
Is anyone watching us now?
No. But I mean, we should be
We walk blind and we try to see ♪
Falling behind in what could be ♪
Bring me a higher love ♪
Bring me a higher love ♪
Bring me a higher love ♪
Where's this higher love ♪
I've been thinking of? ♪
I will wait for it ♪
I'm not too late for it ♪
Until then, I'll sing my song ♪
[ROCK VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING]