The Wonder Years s03e02 Episode Script
Math Class
Houston, we have a preliminary The transition from summer to fall is a tricky one.
Like astronauts returning from space We had to re-enter the atmosphere of school carefully, so the sudden change in pressure wouldn't kill us.
You brought 'em in beautifully.
Still, the beginning of eighth grade looked like it was gonna be a smooth landing.
We weren't the lowest men on the totem pole anymore.
We were men among seventh-grade boys.
More importantly, we were men among seventh-grade girls.
In social-studies, we talked about Woodstock.
Men These are ropes.
In gym, we were introduced to the obvious.
In French Mrs.
Martinson showed us slides from her trip to Paris.
Wrong slide Yep - everything was looking A-OK.
All systems "go".
Until fourth period.
Take your seats and open your textbooks To unit one.
Page sixteen.
We will begin with the introduction to variables.
Who is this guy? My name is Mr.
Collins.
If we use a symbol, such as "X" to represent the unspecified.
.
Member of the set So much for introductions.
In a Venn diagram.
"S" is the replacement symbol for the variable "X".
We'd never seen anything like him.
He was a math machine.
All math all the time.
With the chalk marks to prove it.
If the union of sets "S" and "T" is negative two and zero, what is the intersection? Faced with this implacable force We rose to the challenge.
Yes.
Mr.
Collins, how did you learn to draw such neat circles? Each in our own way.
It is not neccessary to draw perfect circles to do these problems correctly it will not affect your grade either way.
But nothing distracted him.
Is this like stuff that you could use to figure out Tom Seaver's earned-run average? Not the amazing Mets No That would be simple arithmetic.
Ooh, ooh.
Not even the cries of the tortured.
The answer is the set.
.
of negative two.
.
and zero.
We further illustrate We threw everything we had at him.
To describe the relationship between set "B" But we didn't have a chance.
Positive numbers.
Now, these numbers And their negatives in set "A" Make up the set of rational numbers.
Psst.
What page are we on? No talking! Any rational number Sheesh - I mean come on! Who died and made this guy king? Yes? Do you have a problem? Um No.
For tomorrow I would like you to do problems one through ten on page eighteen.
Boy, what's the story with this guy? He's gonna kill us.
Nah, don't worry about him.
Sure, he looked tough but I wasn't worried.
Come on let's go to lunch.
Not to brag or anything, but I was a pretty bright kid.
Compared to the Competition.
Wayne How was your first day in high school? Huh? With Wayne, that's about all my parents expected.
With me, they expected a little more.
Well, I had a good day.
English French math Face it - they were proud of me.
I guess it was kinda by default.
Well, I gotta go meet Delores.
Wait a minute.
Not on a school night.
In this family, we do homework on schoolnights.
- What about him? - What about him? Well, he's not doing any homework.
Don't worry about Kevin.
When you're getting Kevin's grades, we'll talk.
OK - sometimes it was a little embarrassing.
But it's not like there weren't responsibilities.
Yep - wouldn't be a bad idea to bone-up a little.
Start the year off with an ace.
Or maybe a "B".
"B-plus", maybe.
"D"? The results of your pop-quiz.
"D"?! It was horrible.
I'd never gotten a "D" before.
Not even in Penmanship.
For homework Problems fifteen through twenty-five, on page twenty.
There was only one possible explanation.
This had to be a mistake.
Kev - you comin' to lunch? In a minute - I have to talk to Collins.
OK but hurry up Sloppy Joes today.
I had to handle this with a little tact.
Hi.
After all, the man was human.
Yes? So much for that theory.
Um I have a question about my quiz.
Yes? About the grade Well, it's a "D".
Yes, it is.
OK We'd made a start.
Well, I think it might be wrong.
Well, let's take a look.
You're right There - that wasn't so hard.
Number five should be minus one-half that's half off this is a "D minus".
Thank you for calling that to my attention.
Oh Now wait a darn minute, here! Mr.
Collins?! What? Well If you're having a problem I run a help group after schools on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This guy was gettin' entirely the wrong impression.
I had to nip this in the bud, and fast.
No, it-it's just that I don't think of myself as a "D" student.
Really? Well, it's just that it's a little unusual, don't you think? I mean, a quiz on the second day of school? O- Kay.
What I'm saying is that I wasn't as prepared as I might have been.
Well I don't think this is representative Of the work I usually do.
Then I look forward to seeing your results on future quizzes.
Anything else? No.
That's fine.
Sure.
Fine.
Just fine.
If that's how Collins wanted to play it.
Hittin' the books, hah? Yeah.
Well, go get 'em, tiger.
Sure - I'd get 'em.
Fact was, I hadn't really studied for that first quiz.
But now, I was serious.
I'd show Collins what I was really made of.
What?! This was nuts! This was crazy! This was Another "D"! What was going on, here? Was I losing my touch? There had to be another answer.
- Explain this - how could it be a pop-quiz, if there's one everyday? - I don't know Of course you don't know because there's no logic to it.
I mean, what was that last stuff he was talking about, that absolute value? Half of the class didn't even know what he was talking about.
I mean, what is an absolute value, anyway? It's the value of a number without regard to its sign.
Alright - stupid example.
You're missing the point, Paul.
See, the point is, that Collins is just driving us too hard.
I mean, we're all killing ourselves.
What's he going to do? Give us all "D"'s? There's a certain look That only a trusted friend can give you.
A look that says "you're about to make a total fool of yourself".
I was getting that look.
Paul? What'd you get on the quiz? I forget.
It doesn't mean anything.
I just got lucky.
Yeah Lucky you.
I'm gonna go get some dessert.
You want some? I wasn't hungry.
What I was, was Worried.
We're all goin' out for ice cream - want to come? Um, no, thanks.
Gotta study Gonna ace another one, huh? Yeah.
Dad? What? Nothing.
Don't work too hard.
Right.
Maybe I should have said something then.
But for some reason, I didn't.
How could I tell him I wasn't the Kevin Arnold he thought I was? The absolute value of negative one Is one.
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do" The pressure was increasing.
How's everything going at school, sweetheart? Uh fine.
I was living a lie.
And it was only a matter of time before I was found out.
Kevin? If this pitcher of lemonade make eight servings of one cup each, how many servings will it make if the cups are filled Only two-thirds full? Huh?! Kevin! Do you want some lemonade? Um, no thanks.
Come on, honey - it's good for you.
Maybe.
But the fact was, lemonade wasn't going to solve my problems.
That afternoon I just happened to pass by Mr.
Collins' classroom.
By accident, of course.
So, what was the big deal.
Maybe I'd drop in Get a few tips from the old help-group.
Wait a minute.
This was the help group? Jeff Bledsoe thought the Boston tea party Was a dispute over cheese.
Frank Barnes had been in the eight-grade since the Eisenhower administration.
In the delicate ecosystem of junior high These guys were - well let's face it bottom-feeders.
Are you joining us? Uh no.
I just left something in your class.
My pencil.
I'm giving a major test next week.
It would be a good opportunity For you to bring up your grade.
Yeah.
Well, uh Thanks for telling me, but uh I really have to be going.
Sheesh.
Who did he think I was? Some kind of Loser? - Loser's ball.
- Ugh! Ugh! Now I was feeling better.
Fifteen - zip.
Wanna play again? No thanks.
Why not? I gotta study for the test.
Ouch! Oh, come on - one more game.
I can't.
Paul! We could study together - if you want.
What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
I don't need your charity, Paul.
That's not what I meant.
I don't need your help.
Fine! So I'll seeya.
Alright - Mr.
Mathlete.
Kevin Oh, I'm sorry, Paul, for not being as mathletic as you.
I mean, have you ever listened to yourself? Uh, the absolute value of seven is, uh, three.
Actually, it's seven.
Who cares? Paul My life is not so boring that my only thrill is math.
What do you say to that Mr.
Wizard? Good luck on the test, tomorrow.
So what? I didn't need Paul.
I didn't need anybody.
Put your books on the floor.
All I needed was A miracle.
Your desks should be clear of everything but your pencils.
If only I could pull off a "B minus", or-or a "C", or "C minus" OK.
Let's just take it slow and easy, here.
From the top Question number one.
Hmmm, nothing familiar.
Well, just find a question you know how to do, and do that one first.
Pay no attention to that.
Move right along to the next one.
It took about four minutes to attain Total panic.
Question three Should read five "X", not five.
I was desperate.
I was a drowning man looking for anything to cling to.
Anything.
And that's when I realized I'd sunk as low as a person in eigth-grade algebra could sink.
And then it was over.
Please turn in your exams.
You don't need to grade it.
I got an "F".
I didn't answer any of the questions.
I don't understand math.
I'm - I'm lousy at it.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
Good.
Huh? Maybe now you're ready to start.
Wait a minute.
I just told you - I failed! There'll be another test in two weeks.
I felt lost.
I felt confused.
I felt alone.
You OK, pal? Kev? No, Dad.
I'm not.
The multiplicative inverse property Tells us for each real non-zero number, "A", there exists a real number, one over "A", such that "A" times one over "A" equals one.
There are times in life when you think you're lost.
Kevin.
Can you simplify the quotient? Um When every turn you take seems wrong.
One-fifth.
No.
Try again.
Then, just for a moment You see a light.
Negative one-fifth.
Correct.
Now you can also simplify By using the absolute value of factors.
And so I began that long climb into the light.
Only this time I wasn't alone.
"Well the sun is surely sinking down" "But the moon is slowly rising" "So this old world must still be spinning around" "And I still love you" "So close your eyes" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"You can close your eyes, it's all right" iamy1004
Like astronauts returning from space We had to re-enter the atmosphere of school carefully, so the sudden change in pressure wouldn't kill us.
You brought 'em in beautifully.
Still, the beginning of eighth grade looked like it was gonna be a smooth landing.
We weren't the lowest men on the totem pole anymore.
We were men among seventh-grade boys.
More importantly, we were men among seventh-grade girls.
In social-studies, we talked about Woodstock.
Men These are ropes.
In gym, we were introduced to the obvious.
In French Mrs.
Martinson showed us slides from her trip to Paris.
Wrong slide Yep - everything was looking A-OK.
All systems "go".
Until fourth period.
Take your seats and open your textbooks To unit one.
Page sixteen.
We will begin with the introduction to variables.
Who is this guy? My name is Mr.
Collins.
If we use a symbol, such as "X" to represent the unspecified.
.
Member of the set So much for introductions.
In a Venn diagram.
"S" is the replacement symbol for the variable "X".
We'd never seen anything like him.
He was a math machine.
All math all the time.
With the chalk marks to prove it.
If the union of sets "S" and "T" is negative two and zero, what is the intersection? Faced with this implacable force We rose to the challenge.
Yes.
Mr.
Collins, how did you learn to draw such neat circles? Each in our own way.
It is not neccessary to draw perfect circles to do these problems correctly it will not affect your grade either way.
But nothing distracted him.
Is this like stuff that you could use to figure out Tom Seaver's earned-run average? Not the amazing Mets No That would be simple arithmetic.
Ooh, ooh.
Not even the cries of the tortured.
The answer is the set.
.
of negative two.
.
and zero.
We further illustrate We threw everything we had at him.
To describe the relationship between set "B" But we didn't have a chance.
Positive numbers.
Now, these numbers And their negatives in set "A" Make up the set of rational numbers.
Psst.
What page are we on? No talking! Any rational number Sheesh - I mean come on! Who died and made this guy king? Yes? Do you have a problem? Um No.
For tomorrow I would like you to do problems one through ten on page eighteen.
Boy, what's the story with this guy? He's gonna kill us.
Nah, don't worry about him.
Sure, he looked tough but I wasn't worried.
Come on let's go to lunch.
Not to brag or anything, but I was a pretty bright kid.
Compared to the Competition.
Wayne How was your first day in high school? Huh? With Wayne, that's about all my parents expected.
With me, they expected a little more.
Well, I had a good day.
English French math Face it - they were proud of me.
I guess it was kinda by default.
Well, I gotta go meet Delores.
Wait a minute.
Not on a school night.
In this family, we do homework on schoolnights.
- What about him? - What about him? Well, he's not doing any homework.
Don't worry about Kevin.
When you're getting Kevin's grades, we'll talk.
OK - sometimes it was a little embarrassing.
But it's not like there weren't responsibilities.
Yep - wouldn't be a bad idea to bone-up a little.
Start the year off with an ace.
Or maybe a "B".
"B-plus", maybe.
"D"? The results of your pop-quiz.
"D"?! It was horrible.
I'd never gotten a "D" before.
Not even in Penmanship.
For homework Problems fifteen through twenty-five, on page twenty.
There was only one possible explanation.
This had to be a mistake.
Kev - you comin' to lunch? In a minute - I have to talk to Collins.
OK but hurry up Sloppy Joes today.
I had to handle this with a little tact.
Hi.
After all, the man was human.
Yes? So much for that theory.
Um I have a question about my quiz.
Yes? About the grade Well, it's a "D".
Yes, it is.
OK We'd made a start.
Well, I think it might be wrong.
Well, let's take a look.
You're right There - that wasn't so hard.
Number five should be minus one-half that's half off this is a "D minus".
Thank you for calling that to my attention.
Oh Now wait a darn minute, here! Mr.
Collins?! What? Well If you're having a problem I run a help group after schools on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This guy was gettin' entirely the wrong impression.
I had to nip this in the bud, and fast.
No, it-it's just that I don't think of myself as a "D" student.
Really? Well, it's just that it's a little unusual, don't you think? I mean, a quiz on the second day of school? O- Kay.
What I'm saying is that I wasn't as prepared as I might have been.
Well I don't think this is representative Of the work I usually do.
Then I look forward to seeing your results on future quizzes.
Anything else? No.
That's fine.
Sure.
Fine.
Just fine.
If that's how Collins wanted to play it.
Hittin' the books, hah? Yeah.
Well, go get 'em, tiger.
Sure - I'd get 'em.
Fact was, I hadn't really studied for that first quiz.
But now, I was serious.
I'd show Collins what I was really made of.
What?! This was nuts! This was crazy! This was Another "D"! What was going on, here? Was I losing my touch? There had to be another answer.
- Explain this - how could it be a pop-quiz, if there's one everyday? - I don't know Of course you don't know because there's no logic to it.
I mean, what was that last stuff he was talking about, that absolute value? Half of the class didn't even know what he was talking about.
I mean, what is an absolute value, anyway? It's the value of a number without regard to its sign.
Alright - stupid example.
You're missing the point, Paul.
See, the point is, that Collins is just driving us too hard.
I mean, we're all killing ourselves.
What's he going to do? Give us all "D"'s? There's a certain look That only a trusted friend can give you.
A look that says "you're about to make a total fool of yourself".
I was getting that look.
Paul? What'd you get on the quiz? I forget.
It doesn't mean anything.
I just got lucky.
Yeah Lucky you.
I'm gonna go get some dessert.
You want some? I wasn't hungry.
What I was, was Worried.
We're all goin' out for ice cream - want to come? Um, no, thanks.
Gotta study Gonna ace another one, huh? Yeah.
Dad? What? Nothing.
Don't work too hard.
Right.
Maybe I should have said something then.
But for some reason, I didn't.
How could I tell him I wasn't the Kevin Arnold he thought I was? The absolute value of negative one Is one.
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do" The pressure was increasing.
How's everything going at school, sweetheart? Uh fine.
I was living a lie.
And it was only a matter of time before I was found out.
Kevin? If this pitcher of lemonade make eight servings of one cup each, how many servings will it make if the cups are filled Only two-thirds full? Huh?! Kevin! Do you want some lemonade? Um, no thanks.
Come on, honey - it's good for you.
Maybe.
But the fact was, lemonade wasn't going to solve my problems.
That afternoon I just happened to pass by Mr.
Collins' classroom.
By accident, of course.
So, what was the big deal.
Maybe I'd drop in Get a few tips from the old help-group.
Wait a minute.
This was the help group? Jeff Bledsoe thought the Boston tea party Was a dispute over cheese.
Frank Barnes had been in the eight-grade since the Eisenhower administration.
In the delicate ecosystem of junior high These guys were - well let's face it bottom-feeders.
Are you joining us? Uh no.
I just left something in your class.
My pencil.
I'm giving a major test next week.
It would be a good opportunity For you to bring up your grade.
Yeah.
Well, uh Thanks for telling me, but uh I really have to be going.
Sheesh.
Who did he think I was? Some kind of Loser? - Loser's ball.
- Ugh! Ugh! Now I was feeling better.
Fifteen - zip.
Wanna play again? No thanks.
Why not? I gotta study for the test.
Ouch! Oh, come on - one more game.
I can't.
Paul! We could study together - if you want.
What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
I don't need your charity, Paul.
That's not what I meant.
I don't need your help.
Fine! So I'll seeya.
Alright - Mr.
Mathlete.
Kevin Oh, I'm sorry, Paul, for not being as mathletic as you.
I mean, have you ever listened to yourself? Uh, the absolute value of seven is, uh, three.
Actually, it's seven.
Who cares? Paul My life is not so boring that my only thrill is math.
What do you say to that Mr.
Wizard? Good luck on the test, tomorrow.
So what? I didn't need Paul.
I didn't need anybody.
Put your books on the floor.
All I needed was A miracle.
Your desks should be clear of everything but your pencils.
If only I could pull off a "B minus", or-or a "C", or "C minus" OK.
Let's just take it slow and easy, here.
From the top Question number one.
Hmmm, nothing familiar.
Well, just find a question you know how to do, and do that one first.
Pay no attention to that.
Move right along to the next one.
It took about four minutes to attain Total panic.
Question three Should read five "X", not five.
I was desperate.
I was a drowning man looking for anything to cling to.
Anything.
And that's when I realized I'd sunk as low as a person in eigth-grade algebra could sink.
And then it was over.
Please turn in your exams.
You don't need to grade it.
I got an "F".
I didn't answer any of the questions.
I don't understand math.
I'm - I'm lousy at it.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
Good.
Huh? Maybe now you're ready to start.
Wait a minute.
I just told you - I failed! There'll be another test in two weeks.
I felt lost.
I felt confused.
I felt alone.
You OK, pal? Kev? No, Dad.
I'm not.
The multiplicative inverse property Tells us for each real non-zero number, "A", there exists a real number, one over "A", such that "A" times one over "A" equals one.
There are times in life when you think you're lost.
Kevin.
Can you simplify the quotient? Um When every turn you take seems wrong.
One-fifth.
No.
Try again.
Then, just for a moment You see a light.
Negative one-fifth.
Correct.
Now you can also simplify By using the absolute value of factors.
And so I began that long climb into the light.
Only this time I wasn't alone.
"Well the sun is surely sinking down" "But the moon is slowly rising" "So this old world must still be spinning around" "And I still love you" "So close your eyes" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"You can close your eyes, it's all right" iamy1004