Top Gear (US) s03e02 Episode Script
Small Cars
1 Now on Top Gear.
We put three small cars in the ultimate test by taking them deep in the Louisiana's Atchafalaya Swamp, Get away, get.
.
ahhhh! to find out which one is America's best.
What the hell is that? Ohh!! Whoever loses will face the ultimate embarrassment of having to drive the world's smallest 2-seater through the streets of his hometown.
New Orleans, Louisiana, home of Mardi Gras, jazz, and miles of narrow cobblestone streets.
It's the perfect place for small cars.
Although small-car sales represent less than 1% of the million cars sold every month in America, that figure is growing fast, so we each chose our favorite and put them to a real American test in the city and the countryside.
I, of course, picked the best one on the market, the 2012 Fiat 500.
This car has tremendous sales success all over the world, except here in the United States.
But it does have style, 'cause after all, it's Italian.
Now, I like big cars, and the Fiat is the biggest one here.
Out of all these 3, this is like the jumbo shrimp.
Tanner was less enthusiastic about his choice.
I give you the 2012 Smart Fortwo--one word-- Passion--its own word-- Cabriolet.
What a name.
The tires are skinnier than your mountain-bike tires.
It has half the horsepower of the motorcycle parked next to it in your garage, and I'm not sure it's that Smart.
Tanner gets grumpy in anything with less than 300 horsepower, What I like about this car is it is fun to drive.
It only has 94 horsepower, which is less than a Prius, but it's lighter, so it definitely has some zip, and it's made by Toyota, so it was built to last.
The seating in this car is called a 3-plus-1, which in theory means you could get 3 "normal-sized" adults in here and then one toy poodle or a child that is bigger than a baby, but smaller than a regular-sized child.
Boy, that was just thrilling, thrilling ride.
Yeah.
I was the last one to pick, so this was forced on me.
You guys actually chose these.
You, like, leapt at these cars.
- That scares me.
- Absolutely, and I chose the best one.
This has style, 111 horsepower, 5-speed manual, fun to drive, when he says, "style," he's talking about someone took the looks of the new Beetle by Volkswagen and just like, pfft.
And someone from Toyota went I'd say, yeah, it's a little squatty, but it's a Toyota, so you know it's gonna run forever.
And it's still ugly.
But let me ask you this.
What is the slowest production car made in the United States today? Oh.
Uh, that's the, uh, Smart car.
- Here's the thing.
- There we go.
Yeah, it's slow.
Yeah.
And what does that thing cost? - 18,000.
- It's a-- 18 grand.
Yeah, it's 10 bucks for every pound the car weighs.
For another $1,000, you get style, - you get history - What? And you get fun to drive.
That should come with a bag to keep the grass clippings in it.
All right, Italian stallion.
What are we doing here? All right, look, none of us are in really good shape, Germany, Japan, and Italy.
Have you heard of World War II? Is that a band? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Had a big tour across Europe.
Ah, cool.
"These cars are designed "for life in congested cities.
"To find out which of your cars perform the best "in its natural habitat, "before heading into the swamps, "you will now race across new Orleans to historic Algiers Point.
" Does it actually say, "race"? In these cars? Yeah, but it's in quotes.
Ok, that's better.
Where is Algiers Point? I think it's over there.
Right across the mighty Mississippi here.
Oh, come on.
Every time.
I'll even let you guys run - and beat you.
- Go ahead.
Second! Algiers Point was just over a mile away on the other side of the mighty Mississippi river, but to get there, you either needed to cross the Crescent City connection bridge or take the ferry.
That was a wrong turn.
Ooh.
Holy floats.
Even though I had the slowest car in Louisiana Dead end.
I took the lead.
Look at this.
Whoa.
And we're out.
This is fun.
Oh, yeah.
Under the interstate.
Oh, you wanna play? Ok, we can play.
They were both faster than me, so I had to employ some strategy and cut into the crowded French quarter, where they wouldn't be able to pass me.
Where are the beads? Who's got the beads? Just let me get by.
All right, you know what? That's it.
I'm out of here.
I'm winning this race.
Good luck, suckers.
With the faster Scion out from behind me, it was time to step on what little gas my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet had.
And now it was down to Smart car versus Fiat 500 in what may well have been the most humiliating race ever recorded.
When I was growing up in Alabama, my parents brought me to New Orleans lots of times, and the traffic on that bridge to Algiers is always a nightmare, so I'd be kicking back on the ferry while Tanner and Adam were pulling their hair out.
Is that all you got? Ha ha! Ciao.
Arrivederci.
I may have made a bad call here.
Uh Literally every time I crossed that bridge with my parents on a road trip, we crawled across that, and it appears as though people are just zipping across.
Ok, we're over the water.
It's got to be right around here.
I think I got it won.
I had race boy in my sights until he decided to pull a Nascar and turn left.
Where the hell are you going? I had made it to Algiers Point.
And there was no sign of either Tiny or the Beard.
I got 'em.
All I gotta do is just head down there, turn around, and victory is mine.
Fa-- oh, you're kidding.
Are you kidding me? Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there! Come on, little Smart car.
Whoo! Yeah.
That is what I'm talking about.
That doesn't count.
What do you mean, "that doesn't count"? You went off the track.
It's like cutting through the infield.
- The track? - Yeah.
There's no track.
Oh, look at this.
Yeah.
I definitely lost.
Here he comes.
Take your time.
He's not happy.
What happened? So What have you guys been doing? We just been hanging out.
Mosquitoes are starting to come out, so we were about to head in.
He cheated, and he thinks he won.
He drove over a levee.
Hell, yes, I drove over a levee.
- You drove over that thing? - Yes.
He drove over-- in this? Yes.
Most embarrassing eulogy of all time.
"We're so sorry.
Um, Tanner died in a Smart car.
" With my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet victorious in the first challenge, it was time to leave the city and find out how our cars fared in the countryside.
We were headed for an address deep in the swamps to introduce our cars to the locals.
Holy Coming up, our small cars fight for their lives deep in the bayou.
Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
Must be lost, man.
"Top Gear" had come to Louisiana to uncover America's best small car.
Our first challenge was a race through the streets of New Orleans and over the Mississippi river.
Somehow, Tanner's Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet had won.
Yeah! But now it was time to leave the comfort of the big easy behind and put our choices to a real test.
We'd be taking our little cars out of the friendly confines of their natural habitat, 152 miles into the wilds of the bayou.
But to get there, we'd have to conquer the interstate.
Just drove 60.
Whee! So at highway speed, the car is a bit loud.
While Rut was taking a pounding in the Scion, I was feeling good in the 500.
This little Fiat's doing ok on the highway.
We're doing about 65 miles an hour.
Very little road noise.
It's comfortable.
It's fun to drive.
It's a fun little car, and it's a car, not like those two, that are car like.
Tanner's driving a home depot shopping cart, and Rut is driving an aggressive suppository, which is never good.
Ok, we're approaching our first semi truck.
I know that this truck could squish me and bump right over this little Smart car without even knowing it, but it doesn't feel so bad inside here.
I think it's because I'm sitting upright, like a normal seating position.
It's like a little Terrier that doesn't know how small it is.
I will say-- Holy hell.
Come on, bud.
Ok, I definitely don't like that any time an 18-wheeler passes you, the vortex of wind feels like it's gonna shove you off the interstate.
I do not care for that.
As we headed further away from our cars' natural habitat and deeper into the wild, the swamp air was clearly getting to Tanner.
Let me paint just a small picture for you.
What is happening right now is that quintessential moment in the horror film when the beautiful girl sleeping alone in her large house hears a noise downstairs and walks downstairs.
We've heard a noise in the bayou, and we are aimlessly meandering out into the swamp to be murdered.
The swamp air had also gotten to Adam.
Gentlemen, clearly the Fiat 500 is gonna be America's choice.
It's fun to drive, and it has the most style.
You see the looks I'm getting in the Smart car? It's like every single car goes by, I might as well be in a Lamborghini Murciélago or something.
It's like a fricking superstar car on the freeway.
None of us could agree on whose car was better, so we decided to let the people of the great state of Louisiana decide.
We'd see who could get the most votes through honks of the horn.
This car's perfect for him.
It's small and annoying.
Ok.
Look at that.
That's good.
"Honk twice for Scion IQ.
" I like the-- what are you doing? You having lunch already? No, just this is what people down here.
They don't do it-- they do it with this much.
That's not-- that's not true.
Just the last bit.
You're not even chewing right.
You usually chew like this.
Let's go.
Be right there.
All right, fellas, let's go.
Back on the road, the honking began immediately.
One honk? Honk? Honk for me? Thank you, baby.
I just got 3 from the Ford Focus.
Yes! I just got another 3.
Thank you, baby.
Why do so many people like the Fiat? 'Cause it's got style, baby.
These guys are amateurs.
If you want to win a campaign, you gotta know how to work a crowd.
This is the Bible belt.
Nothing? Nothing? There's 3.
I got 3.
How are they liking the Fiat so much? I think it's 'cause you're the first one they're coming up to.
Why don't you pass ahead of us.
Let us sit at the back for a second.
Nah, we're fine.
I guess we'll never understand Louisiana's mysterious love for the Fiat.
And, anyway, we'd finally found the turnoff to the Atchafalaya swamp we'd survived the interstate intact, but had no idea what was next.
Oh, fellas, you see those trucks? Holy It felt like we were driving into that scene from "deliverance" in 3 very pretty little cars.
Those wheels are bigger than our cars.
Cute! Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
I don't think he's gonna be able to get out.
My 4-wheeler's bigger than that.
There you go.
Nascar.
Nascar.
There you go.
Got to be kidding.
You must be lost, man.
You're not from these parts.
First contact with the swamp people, and we were hoping they'd be friendly.
So--so what exactly are y'all-- what y'all trying to do with these cars out here? Well, these are city cars, obviously.
We want to see how they function outside of the city.
- Right.
- And this is out-- as far outside of the city as we can get.
Yeah, buddy.
What is it you need your vehicles to do? Go hunting.
- Go hunting? - The nutra rat.
That nutra, it's like a-- it's like a swamp rat.
How big are these rats? 30 pounds.
'Bout the size of your buddy's head.
The swamp people were mocking us.
The only way to save face was to prove that our micro machines could be effective hunting vehicles.
If we went hunting with you tomorrow and these things made it through, would that impress you? Oh, yeah.
Good luck in those "Cars.
" The locals were not gonna be easily convinced by our small cars, so overnight, we each came up with a plan.
Hope y'all don't get lost back there.
The next morning, it was time to go hunting.
Surprised you guys could see me, actually.
Pfft.
This is what you've done? Yeah.
I went full camo.
We're going hunting.
I gotta admit that's the coolest-looking Smart car I've ever seen right now.
Thank you very much.
Right up here.
It's not as cool as this.
I mean, I've got horns, and guess what's out back? A gun rack.
Yes.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's outside the car? It's just right back here.
That doesn't make any sense.
You have to stop the car, get out.
After the animals are done laughing at you, they're gonna run away.
You didn't do anything to the Fiat at all.
What--I mean, we were supposed to do stuff to make it tougher.
Toughened it up.
It's a man's car now.
You put on a set of truck nuts? It was already tough enough, out of the three of us.
Now we're just making a point.
Just to make sure we're clear, the only car that Jennifer Lopez has done a commercial for here, this one, the girliest color here, now has a set of matching gold belt rings.
Belt rings? Is that what they call 'em at your house? "Boy, you got some belt rings to talk to her like that.
" Listen, I was trying to-- Is that them? I hear them.
Holy crap.
Oh, my God.
How deep is that? Wow.
The swamp people were back And suddenly our modifications didn't seem so clever.
That looks really bad for the environment.
Look--oh! Whoo! Let's see.
Armed locals, Southern accents.
Hmm.
I couldn't help feeling like I'd seen this movie before.
You think this camouflage is gonna help us out? Um, I think so, but I don't think that, um, stupid little orange vest is gonna work too good.
It's not a hunting vest, is it? No, it's more of a construction vest.
If we were hunting cars, it might work.
Man, that ain't gonna fit in there.
That's not gonna fit in there.
I'll ride in the front with it.
All right, well, just come on.
But point it out the window.
I know what I'm doing, man.
Get in the car.
Let's go.
All right.
Uh, how tall are you? Oh, about 6'4".
How 'bout you? Uh, you know, I'm around there.
All right.
I got it.
I need to squeeze in pretty tight.
No problem, right? See that, Rut? Fits right in there.
Yeah, he looks really comfortable in there.
You know, I put my gun on there.
Yeah.
Try that.
Uh, have it on the rack.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, uh I would rather have it in the car with me.
See? That looks fineish.
I'll just put this rubber band on here.
See if this thing could Ok.
substantiate the nuttage in the back.
All right.
With the hunters loaded, we set off to kill things.
What the hell is that? Our goal was to bring back enough meat for a cookout later that day.
Now we just-- Oh, that's-- whoa.
.
That's not good.
I don't need a sunroof, Troy.
Succeed at this, and we might just get the swamp people sold on our small cars.
These guys in front of us, I mean, if they are in front, they gonna get first shot.
We ain't-- all right.
Well, let's get-- we might not eat tonight, man.
I tell you what.
Let's get out-- - we'll go another way.
- All right.
I'll show you another little spot.
That'll be good.
There we go.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, I think this could be the new hunter's choice.
I doubt it.
My 94-horsepower Scion IQ had raced to the best hunting ground before I'd had a chance to sell Brandon on its gas-sipping 36 miles per gallon in the city, and Bluetooth is standard.
Real quiet, like hunters do.
Holy.
That's a-- there's a gator.
That's a gator right there.
What-- why's he looking at us? Might be hungry, and you bigger than me, so This is not a time for fat jokes with a alligator here, man.
Over in my Fiat, we were closing in on some swamp prey.
Whoa.
Is that something? Yeah, but see right there? Yeah.
That little bit of water right there moving.
Roll it down.
Don't be scared.
What is that? Uhh! Would you stop that? Ok.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, looked like that mud was gonna stop us, but nothing, right? We made it through.
My hunter Chad may have doubted my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet's backcountry prowess But I was about to unleash its secret weapon.
Wait.
Was that something up there? Look.
There's one right there.
Something that truck owners only dream of.
We don't even need to open it up.
Look at that.
You shoot from a quad, right? Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Nice.
Where did you see him? Right there.
All right, let's get him.
Let's get him.
It was all looking good for our tiny hunting vehicles.
The only question was who would draw first blood.
Coming up, we head deep into the swamp and then deal with the consequences.
That's your butthole.
Ohh!! We were in the deep South, trying to find out which was America's best small car.
Tanner's Smart car had won the race across new Orleans, and my Fiat 500 had been the favorite on the highway.
So far, Rut's Scion had been shut out.
For our next challenge, we had to head deep into the swamp and hunt down some food for a good old bayou barbecue.
Rut was the first to get a swamp creature in his sights.
Ok.
Just don't put your hand in front of the barrel.
Ok, good idea.
My Scion was gonna clean up.
All I had to do was send Mr.
gator to reptile heaven.
Holy crap.
Did you see that? I think it jumped.
I think you might have scared it off.
Well, crap.
Surprisingly Rut blew it.
Now it was time for the Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet to shine.
Eh, I can get a little closer.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Sorry.
Hold on.
There's a bump right here.
Hang on! I don't think we're gonna go any further.
Four-wheel drive? With my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet out of the equation, I was hoping Rambo and the bearded lady weren't having better luck.
It's comfortable.
We got plenty of visibility to spot the rats.
Yeah, and, man, we got A.
C.
We don't normally hunt like this.
See that? This is pretty good, man.
Nothing but the best for you, my friend.
I had my hunter Troy sold on the comfort and style of the Fiat.
Now I just had to prove that it was tough enough for hunting.
Here we go! Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
See? Get all the way through this.
Ahh.
Whoa.
Why? It's not as bad as you think.
Check this, man.
Oh, God.
Blessed.
Dude, look what you got us into, man.
Ah, ok.
Well, doesn't this-- is it bad? I'm gonna take you hunting, man.
This is bad, right? 2 hours later, we had suffered the ultimate shame of having to be towed out of the swamp by a golf cart.
Disgusted that all 3 of us had failed to bag any swamp meat, the locals made us head out and buy food for the cookout.
Tanner, why is the Smart car covered in mud on the tires? I got a little aggressive.
I got the Smart car stuck.
It was depressing.
You got it stuck, too? This big Scion IQ was perfect for hunting.
Then why are we all driving to pick up meat? I think I've proved this car is great in the city or in the country.
I've also proven I'm not a very good shot with an assault rifle.
All the swamp people had given us was an address.
After a short drive, we were there.
Gator cove.
Rut, are you sure this is the right place? Yeah, this is it.
They sell alligators? For eating? Oh, yeah.
It's a big industry.
Oh, hell.
I gotta get out of here.
This is where we're supposed to get the meat.
I mean, you take, like, gator filet or something? Yeah, I'm sure they're all-- you just--like a package of meat, like chicken.
Open that door.
How 'bout I'll take a look? I'll go.
I'll go.
Holy Oh Oh, my gosh.
Look at all this.
There have got to be 30 gators in there.
Rut, get in there.
How many do we need? Get in there, Rut.
Come on.
Yeah.
They'll choke on your head.
Don't--do not push me.
Look at that one's hissing with its mouth open.
Hey, hey, hey.
What are you guys doing? We--they sent us to pick up alligator.
Uh, no.
No, you'll follow me.
That's gonna be upstairs.
Ok, so not the-- not the live ones.
No.
Good thinking, guys.
The swamp people had called in the order, and it was waiting for us to pick up.
In that cooler right there.
Help yourselves.
Thank you, sir.
Holy gosh.
Hey! No.
I saw a Kentucky fried chicken.
I call crawfish.
I call the crawfish.
No, I'll take the crawfish.
Nah, I got the crawfish.
I'll take the crawfish.
I called it.
Why do you get the crawfish? I called 'em.
Whew.
That reeks.
Oh He's heavy.
Come give me a hand.
Load 'em up.
I don't want to-- ohh.
Just grab his arm.
He doesn't have an arm.
He's dead.
He doesn't have an arm.
Come on, big fella.
There you go.
Oh, God.
Don't put him-- get the plastic on that.
Oh ho! I almost got hit by a gator.
It's not on the plastic.
He's on there.
You got him? All right.
I'm out of here.
See you, guys.
Pretty heavy.
There are those days in your life that you just want to delete.
Oh, sh--I'm losing the plastic.
This is one of those days.
Gator is just-- I'm sorry, buddy.
This is happening.
Ok.
It's not you.
It's all the fish juice that you have been in.
Come on.
That's your butthole.
Ohh!! I'm sorry about that.
I got them mudbugs.
Are those alive? Ooh, yeah.
They're all alive.
Just put this down.
Look at that.
Look at how much room I just opened up there.
Look at all that.
Thanks for all your help.
Really? Gloves and that grocery cart? I don't want to look him in the eye.
Can you help me get it up? I appreciate it.
Ooh.
Ah, jeez.
.
Ooh.
Is it funny for him? I don't think so.
He likes it.
Let's go.
Wait.
All right.
For the love of all that is sacred.
Ok.
All right.
Oh.
Ok.
Perfect.
You got those? Last two.
They're riding shotgun.
Since Rut so graciously insisted on hauling the crawfish, I took the liberty of freeing his new passengers to experience the roomy interior of the Scion IQ.
I'm just--I'm gonna check on these bags back here.
Ok.
Are they tight? Are they in? Yeah.
It's-- it's good.
Are we ready, fellas? It looks like there's a problem with this bag, though, but, um, it's not bad.
What's the problem with it? You're fine.
Hey, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey!! What are you doing? Mean little bastards.
What are you doing? Let's hit the road.
Why would you open those up? Ohh.
"I'll take the crawfish.
" Who says, "I'll take the crawfish"? Let's go.
Let's go right now.
Oh, son of a bitch.
What is wrong with you? Oh, this sucks so bad.
This sucks.
With our swamp food loaded, we quickly realized another shortcoming of our small cars.
If I was in a truck right now, they'd be in the bed.
I'd be fine.
I wouldn't care.
I got crawfish crawling everywhere.
Oh, I touched it.
I touched it.
I'm carrying an alligator in the passenger seat of my car.
And I don't see anybody who's surprised to see that on this road.
Hey, Rut, how are those crawfish doing? Can you see this? Can you see that? This is no--oh ho! This is not cool! They are everywhere.
They're gonna pinch me, and I'm gonna pull over, and then I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna kick the [Bleep.]
Out of you.
They're at my feet.
"Oh, what happened to Rut?" "He died in a fiery car crash "in a tiny car with 11 airbags filled with thousands of crawfish.
" Holy--that's a-- that's not a-- that's a [Bleep.]
lobster.
Holy [Bleep.]
.
There are crawfish under my gas pedal.
Get away.
Get--aah! Ohh! Oh, my God.
Ohh.
My God.
- What happened? - What? They were everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to drive like that? That was one of the worst experiences of my life.
How do you think it was for them? Look at the looks on their faces.
Well, look.
We're here.
Let's have our damn barbecue already.
Our host had started a good, old-fashioned low-country boil, but before we got to eat, there was one more challenge to determine who would suffer the indignity of having to drive the world's smallest 2-seater around their hometown.
Get ready.
A tug of war with a massive airboat.
I felt like the swamp people were just trying to humiliate us.
Air conditioning off.
I need all the power.
All the power right here, Smart car.
3, 2, 1.
Go! Holy crap.
Coming up, the swamp finally drives Adam insane.
Don't go anywhere near this frigging swamp in any kind of vehicle whatsoever.
Or maybe it was the thought of having to drive this around the streets of New York City.
We were sent to Louisiana to find out which was America's best small car.
So far, Tanner's Smart car and my Fiat had each won a challenge.
And Rut's Scion had won nothing.
Now we were taking part in a long-standing local tradition, a humiliating tug of war with an airboat.
We made Tanner go first.
3, 2, 1.
Go! Holy crap.
Got full throttle.
Oh Oh, he's spinning 'em.
He's spinning 'em.
Oh, it stalled.
It stalled.
Refire.
Refire.
Refire.
No good.
It doesn't appear to be working.
Hey, put your swim trunks on, pal.
Wear your life vest.
On paper, I don't have a chance here.
But you know what? Lot of people said that about some famous sporting events, too.
None that come to mind, but you know what I'm talking about.
Are you ready, Rut?! I should probably tell someone I'm not a strong swimmer in case this goes horribly wrong.
Oh, I got him.
Oh! Whoa! Oh, this is bad! This is bad! Ouch! Oh, he's in the water! Yeah! Come on.
He can't even get out.
He can't even get out.
Holy.
That was scary.
This isn't good at all.
Good luck, son.
You'll be a yellow submarine.
Good luck, Adam.
You--you go get him.
Come on, man.
He's got it.
Oh, it stalled.
Oh! Oh, I'm getting sucked into the-- I'm getting sucked into the swamp.
He's about to start floating.
All right, fine.
You know what? The Fiat 500 could not pull an airboat.
I'm sorry.
It didn't work.
Guess what.
Neither could the Smart car.
Neither could the Scion.
You know why? These cars belong in a city.
And you know what? I belong in the city.
This is crazy.
With the crawfish boil finished, we headed out of the swamp, and there was no doubting the winner of our small-car challenge.
Well, since I did more with less, having one liter and 1,800 pounds and 71 horsepower, I think the Smart car takes it.
I hauled the biggest alligator, so if you really want to look at everything, I won.
No, the Scion did not get stuck hunting, so technically I won.
Rut, you didn't win anything.
You lost.
The world's smallest car is going to be driven by the man with the world's biggest head.
Crap.
Now I was gonna have to suffer the ridicule of driving the world's smallest 2-seater as I did my daily errands around my hometown.
And this is home, quiet, little Senoia, Georgia, 40 miles from Atlanta.
Now, I thought the Scion IQ was small, but the car in question is quite small.
Make that very, very small.
This is a 1965 peel trident, one of the smallest cars ever made.
It's got 3 wheels, 2 seats, one windshield wiper, and no doors.
This thing gives new meaning to the word "small.
" At just 6 feet long and 3 1/2 feet wide, it makes our small cars look like SUVs.
Now, to get, you basically have to tilt this George Jetson hatch forward and then carefully wedge yourself in.
See, I'm gonna roughly double the weight, which is why I need to sit in between the 2 seats rather than on one side or the other, because it might just tip over.
So here we go.
Oh, wow.
That is shaky.
Hoo.
I really think I won that hunting challenge, so I shouldn't even be driving this thing.
But I'm gonna make the most of it, and I'm determined to have a good time.
How you doing? I gotta run some errands today.
I gotta pick up some groceries for my mom, then drop those off before I go to work at Atlanta motor speedway, but I can't start my day without a coffee.
Ohh.
I'm in third gear.
I'm in third gear! Son of a bitch, this thing doesn't handle well.
I would say I am genuinely afraid of this car.
Luckily I'd made it alive to my first stop.
Hi, David.
Rutledge, how are you? You got that frap? Let me bring it over to you.
Hold on.
The great thing about the Peel is that everywhere you go is a drive-through.
Thank you so much.
Would you--would you mind just giving me a little--just a little push backwards? One drawback is that the peel doesn't have a reverse gear.
Fortunately folks down here are always willing to lend a hand.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Hi.
How you doing? Those are pretty flowers.
Coming up, Rut finds out that even an everyday occurrence is a problem when you're driving a Trident.
Ohh! Sweet jeebers.
After my Scion IQ lost the "Top Gear" small-car challenge to Adam's Fiat 500 and Tanner's Smart car, I was forced to drive around my hometown of Senoia, Georgia, in the world's smallest 2-seater, the Peel Trident.
So far, it hadn't been too bad.
I'd gotten a coffee and was feeling pretty good about how this thing was handling, but I may have spoken too soon.
Holy cow.
It is like being on the surface of the sun in here.
You can't feel any breeze in this thing whatsoever.
There's this one tiny hole where I can get my arm out, and that's supposed to be the vent.
Whoa! Jeez, man! Watch it! But despite the constant near-death experiences on the open road Oh, jeez.
Oh, don't tip over.
Please don't tip over.
Please don't.
And we're fine.
There were parts of daily life that the peel was perfect for.
Look at how easy this is.
Oh, if every day could be like this.
Sorry.
Ooh, look at that.
Oh, that looks nice.
Can of green beans.
The peel made shopping a breeze.
Adam and Tanner didn't know what they were missing.
This is so convenient.
How could you not love this? But I soon found out that, again, my enthusiasm was a bit premature.
Oh.
Oh, it's gotta be on the high shelf.
Wait just That's not gonna fit.
Not only were reach and access a problem Ohh.
But I found that having no reverse gear was much more cumbersome when there was no one around to push you.
I got it.
I got it.
Thank you so much.
You're so very welcome.
Ah, you're a dear.
I love small-town life.
Thank you.
You come back.
I will.
We'll see you soon.
Take me for a ride in that thing.
Done.
It's a 2-seater.
My shopping done, all I had to do was deliver the groceries to my mom before heading off to work.
Here we go.
More train tracks.
Ohh.
Sweet jeebers.
Boy, that would be a terrible way to die, stuck on the railroad tracks in this thing.
Uhp.
Here we are.
Do you want some tea? Oh, I would love some tea.
Ok.
Great.
I know that's sweet.
Yeah.
You gotta have your sweet tea.
I know.
Nothing like a cold glass of tea on a hot day.
Oh, my gosh.
It's been a little warm out there in places.
It has been a little warm.
That's how it is in Georgia.
I'm gonna give you just a little bit.
Ah, thank you.
That's perfect.
Ok.
Here you go.
Is that gonna fit in there, sweetie? Yeah, that's great.
Thank you.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Good.
Well, enjoy.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Hey, here's looking at you, kid.
Ok.
It's always great to see mom, but I couldn't stay.
All right, honey.
Glad you came by.
Mwah.
See you soon.
It was time to head to work.
Well, I gotta head to the speedway.
It's about 20 miles.
That should take me probably half an hour, I would think, which isn't too bad.
Especially when you can just get out and cruise, you don't have to worry about anything A car like this is really made for that, just get out there and-- Son of a bitch! Where did that guy come from? Ah, that's--that's it.
I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
I--there's no way.
There's no way I could drive to the speedway.
I gotta do something else.
Yeah.
This is the way to travel.
People say microcars aren't fun to ride in.
Thanks for the lift, mom.
It was Thursday night thunder at Atlanta motor speedway, the scene of my final chore of the day.
I'd managed to survive so far, but there was one last humiliation I had to endure.
Yeah, sure.
I'll run the pace laps.
That sounds like a great idea.
Just another day at the office just being chased by legends cars.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna flip it! I don't know how I get myself put into these situations.
"Why don't you run out here, lead the pace--" oh, my God.
They're right next to me.
Oh, my gosh.
Last lap.
They're gonna start the race.
This is amazing! Indy 500, the brickyard 400, Daytona 500, no way.
Pacing Thursday night thunder, this is it.
Good luck, everybody.
Ohh! I'm a pace-car driver.
This is amazing.
That's what I'm talking about.
Whee! That was amazing.
I suddenly realized why we hadn't convinced the swamp people to trade in their monster trucks for our small cars.
We hadn't gone small enough.
Which way to Louisiana?
We put three small cars in the ultimate test by taking them deep in the Louisiana's Atchafalaya Swamp, Get away, get.
.
ahhhh! to find out which one is America's best.
What the hell is that? Ohh!! Whoever loses will face the ultimate embarrassment of having to drive the world's smallest 2-seater through the streets of his hometown.
New Orleans, Louisiana, home of Mardi Gras, jazz, and miles of narrow cobblestone streets.
It's the perfect place for small cars.
Although small-car sales represent less than 1% of the million cars sold every month in America, that figure is growing fast, so we each chose our favorite and put them to a real American test in the city and the countryside.
I, of course, picked the best one on the market, the 2012 Fiat 500.
This car has tremendous sales success all over the world, except here in the United States.
But it does have style, 'cause after all, it's Italian.
Now, I like big cars, and the Fiat is the biggest one here.
Out of all these 3, this is like the jumbo shrimp.
Tanner was less enthusiastic about his choice.
I give you the 2012 Smart Fortwo--one word-- Passion--its own word-- Cabriolet.
What a name.
The tires are skinnier than your mountain-bike tires.
It has half the horsepower of the motorcycle parked next to it in your garage, and I'm not sure it's that Smart.
Tanner gets grumpy in anything with less than 300 horsepower, What I like about this car is it is fun to drive.
It only has 94 horsepower, which is less than a Prius, but it's lighter, so it definitely has some zip, and it's made by Toyota, so it was built to last.
The seating in this car is called a 3-plus-1, which in theory means you could get 3 "normal-sized" adults in here and then one toy poodle or a child that is bigger than a baby, but smaller than a regular-sized child.
Boy, that was just thrilling, thrilling ride.
Yeah.
I was the last one to pick, so this was forced on me.
You guys actually chose these.
You, like, leapt at these cars.
- That scares me.
- Absolutely, and I chose the best one.
This has style, 111 horsepower, 5-speed manual, fun to drive, when he says, "style," he's talking about someone took the looks of the new Beetle by Volkswagen and just like, pfft.
And someone from Toyota went I'd say, yeah, it's a little squatty, but it's a Toyota, so you know it's gonna run forever.
And it's still ugly.
But let me ask you this.
What is the slowest production car made in the United States today? Oh.
Uh, that's the, uh, Smart car.
- Here's the thing.
- There we go.
Yeah, it's slow.
Yeah.
And what does that thing cost? - 18,000.
- It's a-- 18 grand.
Yeah, it's 10 bucks for every pound the car weighs.
For another $1,000, you get style, - you get history - What? And you get fun to drive.
That should come with a bag to keep the grass clippings in it.
All right, Italian stallion.
What are we doing here? All right, look, none of us are in really good shape, Germany, Japan, and Italy.
Have you heard of World War II? Is that a band? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Had a big tour across Europe.
Ah, cool.
"These cars are designed "for life in congested cities.
"To find out which of your cars perform the best "in its natural habitat, "before heading into the swamps, "you will now race across new Orleans to historic Algiers Point.
" Does it actually say, "race"? In these cars? Yeah, but it's in quotes.
Ok, that's better.
Where is Algiers Point? I think it's over there.
Right across the mighty Mississippi here.
Oh, come on.
Every time.
I'll even let you guys run - and beat you.
- Go ahead.
Second! Algiers Point was just over a mile away on the other side of the mighty Mississippi river, but to get there, you either needed to cross the Crescent City connection bridge or take the ferry.
That was a wrong turn.
Ooh.
Holy floats.
Even though I had the slowest car in Louisiana Dead end.
I took the lead.
Look at this.
Whoa.
And we're out.
This is fun.
Oh, yeah.
Under the interstate.
Oh, you wanna play? Ok, we can play.
They were both faster than me, so I had to employ some strategy and cut into the crowded French quarter, where they wouldn't be able to pass me.
Where are the beads? Who's got the beads? Just let me get by.
All right, you know what? That's it.
I'm out of here.
I'm winning this race.
Good luck, suckers.
With the faster Scion out from behind me, it was time to step on what little gas my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet had.
And now it was down to Smart car versus Fiat 500 in what may well have been the most humiliating race ever recorded.
When I was growing up in Alabama, my parents brought me to New Orleans lots of times, and the traffic on that bridge to Algiers is always a nightmare, so I'd be kicking back on the ferry while Tanner and Adam were pulling their hair out.
Is that all you got? Ha ha! Ciao.
Arrivederci.
I may have made a bad call here.
Uh Literally every time I crossed that bridge with my parents on a road trip, we crawled across that, and it appears as though people are just zipping across.
Ok, we're over the water.
It's got to be right around here.
I think I got it won.
I had race boy in my sights until he decided to pull a Nascar and turn left.
Where the hell are you going? I had made it to Algiers Point.
And there was no sign of either Tiny or the Beard.
I got 'em.
All I gotta do is just head down there, turn around, and victory is mine.
Fa-- oh, you're kidding.
Are you kidding me? Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there! Come on, little Smart car.
Whoo! Yeah.
That is what I'm talking about.
That doesn't count.
What do you mean, "that doesn't count"? You went off the track.
It's like cutting through the infield.
- The track? - Yeah.
There's no track.
Oh, look at this.
Yeah.
I definitely lost.
Here he comes.
Take your time.
He's not happy.
What happened? So What have you guys been doing? We just been hanging out.
Mosquitoes are starting to come out, so we were about to head in.
He cheated, and he thinks he won.
He drove over a levee.
Hell, yes, I drove over a levee.
- You drove over that thing? - Yes.
He drove over-- in this? Yes.
Most embarrassing eulogy of all time.
"We're so sorry.
Um, Tanner died in a Smart car.
" With my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet victorious in the first challenge, it was time to leave the city and find out how our cars fared in the countryside.
We were headed for an address deep in the swamps to introduce our cars to the locals.
Holy Coming up, our small cars fight for their lives deep in the bayou.
Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
Must be lost, man.
"Top Gear" had come to Louisiana to uncover America's best small car.
Our first challenge was a race through the streets of New Orleans and over the Mississippi river.
Somehow, Tanner's Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet had won.
Yeah! But now it was time to leave the comfort of the big easy behind and put our choices to a real test.
We'd be taking our little cars out of the friendly confines of their natural habitat, 152 miles into the wilds of the bayou.
But to get there, we'd have to conquer the interstate.
Just drove 60.
Whee! So at highway speed, the car is a bit loud.
While Rut was taking a pounding in the Scion, I was feeling good in the 500.
This little Fiat's doing ok on the highway.
We're doing about 65 miles an hour.
Very little road noise.
It's comfortable.
It's fun to drive.
It's a fun little car, and it's a car, not like those two, that are car like.
Tanner's driving a home depot shopping cart, and Rut is driving an aggressive suppository, which is never good.
Ok, we're approaching our first semi truck.
I know that this truck could squish me and bump right over this little Smart car without even knowing it, but it doesn't feel so bad inside here.
I think it's because I'm sitting upright, like a normal seating position.
It's like a little Terrier that doesn't know how small it is.
I will say-- Holy hell.
Come on, bud.
Ok, I definitely don't like that any time an 18-wheeler passes you, the vortex of wind feels like it's gonna shove you off the interstate.
I do not care for that.
As we headed further away from our cars' natural habitat and deeper into the wild, the swamp air was clearly getting to Tanner.
Let me paint just a small picture for you.
What is happening right now is that quintessential moment in the horror film when the beautiful girl sleeping alone in her large house hears a noise downstairs and walks downstairs.
We've heard a noise in the bayou, and we are aimlessly meandering out into the swamp to be murdered.
The swamp air had also gotten to Adam.
Gentlemen, clearly the Fiat 500 is gonna be America's choice.
It's fun to drive, and it has the most style.
You see the looks I'm getting in the Smart car? It's like every single car goes by, I might as well be in a Lamborghini Murciélago or something.
It's like a fricking superstar car on the freeway.
None of us could agree on whose car was better, so we decided to let the people of the great state of Louisiana decide.
We'd see who could get the most votes through honks of the horn.
This car's perfect for him.
It's small and annoying.
Ok.
Look at that.
That's good.
"Honk twice for Scion IQ.
" I like the-- what are you doing? You having lunch already? No, just this is what people down here.
They don't do it-- they do it with this much.
That's not-- that's not true.
Just the last bit.
You're not even chewing right.
You usually chew like this.
Let's go.
Be right there.
All right, fellas, let's go.
Back on the road, the honking began immediately.
One honk? Honk? Honk for me? Thank you, baby.
I just got 3 from the Ford Focus.
Yes! I just got another 3.
Thank you, baby.
Why do so many people like the Fiat? 'Cause it's got style, baby.
These guys are amateurs.
If you want to win a campaign, you gotta know how to work a crowd.
This is the Bible belt.
Nothing? Nothing? There's 3.
I got 3.
How are they liking the Fiat so much? I think it's 'cause you're the first one they're coming up to.
Why don't you pass ahead of us.
Let us sit at the back for a second.
Nah, we're fine.
I guess we'll never understand Louisiana's mysterious love for the Fiat.
And, anyway, we'd finally found the turnoff to the Atchafalaya swamp we'd survived the interstate intact, but had no idea what was next.
Oh, fellas, you see those trucks? Holy It felt like we were driving into that scene from "deliverance" in 3 very pretty little cars.
Those wheels are bigger than our cars.
Cute! Oh, this isn't gonna be good.
I don't think he's gonna be able to get out.
My 4-wheeler's bigger than that.
There you go.
Nascar.
Nascar.
There you go.
Got to be kidding.
You must be lost, man.
You're not from these parts.
First contact with the swamp people, and we were hoping they'd be friendly.
So--so what exactly are y'all-- what y'all trying to do with these cars out here? Well, these are city cars, obviously.
We want to see how they function outside of the city.
- Right.
- And this is out-- as far outside of the city as we can get.
Yeah, buddy.
What is it you need your vehicles to do? Go hunting.
- Go hunting? - The nutra rat.
That nutra, it's like a-- it's like a swamp rat.
How big are these rats? 30 pounds.
'Bout the size of your buddy's head.
The swamp people were mocking us.
The only way to save face was to prove that our micro machines could be effective hunting vehicles.
If we went hunting with you tomorrow and these things made it through, would that impress you? Oh, yeah.
Good luck in those "Cars.
" The locals were not gonna be easily convinced by our small cars, so overnight, we each came up with a plan.
Hope y'all don't get lost back there.
The next morning, it was time to go hunting.
Surprised you guys could see me, actually.
Pfft.
This is what you've done? Yeah.
I went full camo.
We're going hunting.
I gotta admit that's the coolest-looking Smart car I've ever seen right now.
Thank you very much.
Right up here.
It's not as cool as this.
I mean, I've got horns, and guess what's out back? A gun rack.
Yes.
Wait, wait, wait.
It's outside the car? It's just right back here.
That doesn't make any sense.
You have to stop the car, get out.
After the animals are done laughing at you, they're gonna run away.
You didn't do anything to the Fiat at all.
What--I mean, we were supposed to do stuff to make it tougher.
Toughened it up.
It's a man's car now.
You put on a set of truck nuts? It was already tough enough, out of the three of us.
Now we're just making a point.
Just to make sure we're clear, the only car that Jennifer Lopez has done a commercial for here, this one, the girliest color here, now has a set of matching gold belt rings.
Belt rings? Is that what they call 'em at your house? "Boy, you got some belt rings to talk to her like that.
" Listen, I was trying to-- Is that them? I hear them.
Holy crap.
Oh, my God.
How deep is that? Wow.
The swamp people were back And suddenly our modifications didn't seem so clever.
That looks really bad for the environment.
Look--oh! Whoo! Let's see.
Armed locals, Southern accents.
Hmm.
I couldn't help feeling like I'd seen this movie before.
You think this camouflage is gonna help us out? Um, I think so, but I don't think that, um, stupid little orange vest is gonna work too good.
It's not a hunting vest, is it? No, it's more of a construction vest.
If we were hunting cars, it might work.
Man, that ain't gonna fit in there.
That's not gonna fit in there.
I'll ride in the front with it.
All right, well, just come on.
But point it out the window.
I know what I'm doing, man.
Get in the car.
Let's go.
All right.
Uh, how tall are you? Oh, about 6'4".
How 'bout you? Uh, you know, I'm around there.
All right.
I got it.
I need to squeeze in pretty tight.
No problem, right? See that, Rut? Fits right in there.
Yeah, he looks really comfortable in there.
You know, I put my gun on there.
Yeah.
Try that.
Uh, have it on the rack.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, uh I would rather have it in the car with me.
See? That looks fineish.
I'll just put this rubber band on here.
See if this thing could Ok.
substantiate the nuttage in the back.
All right.
With the hunters loaded, we set off to kill things.
What the hell is that? Our goal was to bring back enough meat for a cookout later that day.
Now we just-- Oh, that's-- whoa.
.
That's not good.
I don't need a sunroof, Troy.
Succeed at this, and we might just get the swamp people sold on our small cars.
These guys in front of us, I mean, if they are in front, they gonna get first shot.
We ain't-- all right.
Well, let's get-- we might not eat tonight, man.
I tell you what.
Let's get out-- - we'll go another way.
- All right.
I'll show you another little spot.
That'll be good.
There we go.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah, all right.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, I think this could be the new hunter's choice.
I doubt it.
My 94-horsepower Scion IQ had raced to the best hunting ground before I'd had a chance to sell Brandon on its gas-sipping 36 miles per gallon in the city, and Bluetooth is standard.
Real quiet, like hunters do.
Holy.
That's a-- there's a gator.
That's a gator right there.
What-- why's he looking at us? Might be hungry, and you bigger than me, so This is not a time for fat jokes with a alligator here, man.
Over in my Fiat, we were closing in on some swamp prey.
Whoa.
Is that something? Yeah, but see right there? Yeah.
That little bit of water right there moving.
Roll it down.
Don't be scared.
What is that? Uhh! Would you stop that? Ok.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, looked like that mud was gonna stop us, but nothing, right? We made it through.
My hunter Chad may have doubted my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet's backcountry prowess But I was about to unleash its secret weapon.
Wait.
Was that something up there? Look.
There's one right there.
Something that truck owners only dream of.
We don't even need to open it up.
Look at that.
You shoot from a quad, right? Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Nice.
Where did you see him? Right there.
All right, let's get him.
Let's get him.
It was all looking good for our tiny hunting vehicles.
The only question was who would draw first blood.
Coming up, we head deep into the swamp and then deal with the consequences.
That's your butthole.
Ohh!! We were in the deep South, trying to find out which was America's best small car.
Tanner's Smart car had won the race across new Orleans, and my Fiat 500 had been the favorite on the highway.
So far, Rut's Scion had been shut out.
For our next challenge, we had to head deep into the swamp and hunt down some food for a good old bayou barbecue.
Rut was the first to get a swamp creature in his sights.
Ok.
Just don't put your hand in front of the barrel.
Ok, good idea.
My Scion was gonna clean up.
All I had to do was send Mr.
gator to reptile heaven.
Holy crap.
Did you see that? I think it jumped.
I think you might have scared it off.
Well, crap.
Surprisingly Rut blew it.
Now it was time for the Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet to shine.
Eh, I can get a little closer.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Sorry.
Hold on.
There's a bump right here.
Hang on! I don't think we're gonna go any further.
Four-wheel drive? With my Smart Fortwo Passion Cabriolet out of the equation, I was hoping Rambo and the bearded lady weren't having better luck.
It's comfortable.
We got plenty of visibility to spot the rats.
Yeah, and, man, we got A.
C.
We don't normally hunt like this.
See that? This is pretty good, man.
Nothing but the best for you, my friend.
I had my hunter Troy sold on the comfort and style of the Fiat.
Now I just had to prove that it was tough enough for hunting.
Here we go! Oh.
Oh.
Yeah.
See? Get all the way through this.
Ahh.
Whoa.
Why? It's not as bad as you think.
Check this, man.
Oh, God.
Blessed.
Dude, look what you got us into, man.
Ah, ok.
Well, doesn't this-- is it bad? I'm gonna take you hunting, man.
This is bad, right? 2 hours later, we had suffered the ultimate shame of having to be towed out of the swamp by a golf cart.
Disgusted that all 3 of us had failed to bag any swamp meat, the locals made us head out and buy food for the cookout.
Tanner, why is the Smart car covered in mud on the tires? I got a little aggressive.
I got the Smart car stuck.
It was depressing.
You got it stuck, too? This big Scion IQ was perfect for hunting.
Then why are we all driving to pick up meat? I think I've proved this car is great in the city or in the country.
I've also proven I'm not a very good shot with an assault rifle.
All the swamp people had given us was an address.
After a short drive, we were there.
Gator cove.
Rut, are you sure this is the right place? Yeah, this is it.
They sell alligators? For eating? Oh, yeah.
It's a big industry.
Oh, hell.
I gotta get out of here.
This is where we're supposed to get the meat.
I mean, you take, like, gator filet or something? Yeah, I'm sure they're all-- you just--like a package of meat, like chicken.
Open that door.
How 'bout I'll take a look? I'll go.
I'll go.
Holy Oh Oh, my gosh.
Look at all this.
There have got to be 30 gators in there.
Rut, get in there.
How many do we need? Get in there, Rut.
Come on.
Yeah.
They'll choke on your head.
Don't--do not push me.
Look at that one's hissing with its mouth open.
Hey, hey, hey.
What are you guys doing? We--they sent us to pick up alligator.
Uh, no.
No, you'll follow me.
That's gonna be upstairs.
Ok, so not the-- not the live ones.
No.
Good thinking, guys.
The swamp people had called in the order, and it was waiting for us to pick up.
In that cooler right there.
Help yourselves.
Thank you, sir.
Holy gosh.
Hey! No.
I saw a Kentucky fried chicken.
I call crawfish.
I call the crawfish.
No, I'll take the crawfish.
Nah, I got the crawfish.
I'll take the crawfish.
I called it.
Why do you get the crawfish? I called 'em.
Whew.
That reeks.
Oh He's heavy.
Come give me a hand.
Load 'em up.
I don't want to-- ohh.
Just grab his arm.
He doesn't have an arm.
He's dead.
He doesn't have an arm.
Come on, big fella.
There you go.
Oh, God.
Don't put him-- get the plastic on that.
Oh ho! I almost got hit by a gator.
It's not on the plastic.
He's on there.
You got him? All right.
I'm out of here.
See you, guys.
Pretty heavy.
There are those days in your life that you just want to delete.
Oh, sh--I'm losing the plastic.
This is one of those days.
Gator is just-- I'm sorry, buddy.
This is happening.
Ok.
It's not you.
It's all the fish juice that you have been in.
Come on.
That's your butthole.
Ohh!! I'm sorry about that.
I got them mudbugs.
Are those alive? Ooh, yeah.
They're all alive.
Just put this down.
Look at that.
Look at how much room I just opened up there.
Look at all that.
Thanks for all your help.
Really? Gloves and that grocery cart? I don't want to look him in the eye.
Can you help me get it up? I appreciate it.
Ooh.
Ah, jeez.
.
Ooh.
Is it funny for him? I don't think so.
He likes it.
Let's go.
Wait.
All right.
For the love of all that is sacred.
Ok.
All right.
Oh.
Ok.
Perfect.
You got those? Last two.
They're riding shotgun.
Since Rut so graciously insisted on hauling the crawfish, I took the liberty of freeing his new passengers to experience the roomy interior of the Scion IQ.
I'm just--I'm gonna check on these bags back here.
Ok.
Are they tight? Are they in? Yeah.
It's-- it's good.
Are we ready, fellas? It looks like there's a problem with this bag, though, but, um, it's not bad.
What's the problem with it? You're fine.
Hey, man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey!! What are you doing? Mean little bastards.
What are you doing? Let's hit the road.
Why would you open those up? Ohh.
"I'll take the crawfish.
" Who says, "I'll take the crawfish"? Let's go.
Let's go right now.
Oh, son of a bitch.
What is wrong with you? Oh, this sucks so bad.
This sucks.
With our swamp food loaded, we quickly realized another shortcoming of our small cars.
If I was in a truck right now, they'd be in the bed.
I'd be fine.
I wouldn't care.
I got crawfish crawling everywhere.
Oh, I touched it.
I touched it.
I'm carrying an alligator in the passenger seat of my car.
And I don't see anybody who's surprised to see that on this road.
Hey, Rut, how are those crawfish doing? Can you see this? Can you see that? This is no--oh ho! This is not cool! They are everywhere.
They're gonna pinch me, and I'm gonna pull over, and then I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna kick the [Bleep.]
Out of you.
They're at my feet.
"Oh, what happened to Rut?" "He died in a fiery car crash "in a tiny car with 11 airbags filled with thousands of crawfish.
" Holy--that's a-- that's not a-- that's a [Bleep.]
lobster.
Holy [Bleep.]
.
There are crawfish under my gas pedal.
Get away.
Get--aah! Ohh! Oh, my God.
Ohh.
My God.
- What happened? - What? They were everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to drive like that? That was one of the worst experiences of my life.
How do you think it was for them? Look at the looks on their faces.
Well, look.
We're here.
Let's have our damn barbecue already.
Our host had started a good, old-fashioned low-country boil, but before we got to eat, there was one more challenge to determine who would suffer the indignity of having to drive the world's smallest 2-seater around their hometown.
Get ready.
A tug of war with a massive airboat.
I felt like the swamp people were just trying to humiliate us.
Air conditioning off.
I need all the power.
All the power right here, Smart car.
3, 2, 1.
Go! Holy crap.
Coming up, the swamp finally drives Adam insane.
Don't go anywhere near this frigging swamp in any kind of vehicle whatsoever.
Or maybe it was the thought of having to drive this around the streets of New York City.
We were sent to Louisiana to find out which was America's best small car.
So far, Tanner's Smart car and my Fiat had each won a challenge.
And Rut's Scion had won nothing.
Now we were taking part in a long-standing local tradition, a humiliating tug of war with an airboat.
We made Tanner go first.
3, 2, 1.
Go! Holy crap.
Got full throttle.
Oh Oh, he's spinning 'em.
He's spinning 'em.
Oh, it stalled.
It stalled.
Refire.
Refire.
Refire.
No good.
It doesn't appear to be working.
Hey, put your swim trunks on, pal.
Wear your life vest.
On paper, I don't have a chance here.
But you know what? Lot of people said that about some famous sporting events, too.
None that come to mind, but you know what I'm talking about.
Are you ready, Rut?! I should probably tell someone I'm not a strong swimmer in case this goes horribly wrong.
Oh, I got him.
Oh! Whoa! Oh, this is bad! This is bad! Ouch! Oh, he's in the water! Yeah! Come on.
He can't even get out.
He can't even get out.
Holy.
That was scary.
This isn't good at all.
Good luck, son.
You'll be a yellow submarine.
Good luck, Adam.
You--you go get him.
Come on, man.
He's got it.
Oh, it stalled.
Oh! Oh, I'm getting sucked into the-- I'm getting sucked into the swamp.
He's about to start floating.
All right, fine.
You know what? The Fiat 500 could not pull an airboat.
I'm sorry.
It didn't work.
Guess what.
Neither could the Smart car.
Neither could the Scion.
You know why? These cars belong in a city.
And you know what? I belong in the city.
This is crazy.
With the crawfish boil finished, we headed out of the swamp, and there was no doubting the winner of our small-car challenge.
Well, since I did more with less, having one liter and 1,800 pounds and 71 horsepower, I think the Smart car takes it.
I hauled the biggest alligator, so if you really want to look at everything, I won.
No, the Scion did not get stuck hunting, so technically I won.
Rut, you didn't win anything.
You lost.
The world's smallest car is going to be driven by the man with the world's biggest head.
Crap.
Now I was gonna have to suffer the ridicule of driving the world's smallest 2-seater as I did my daily errands around my hometown.
And this is home, quiet, little Senoia, Georgia, 40 miles from Atlanta.
Now, I thought the Scion IQ was small, but the car in question is quite small.
Make that very, very small.
This is a 1965 peel trident, one of the smallest cars ever made.
It's got 3 wheels, 2 seats, one windshield wiper, and no doors.
This thing gives new meaning to the word "small.
" At just 6 feet long and 3 1/2 feet wide, it makes our small cars look like SUVs.
Now, to get, you basically have to tilt this George Jetson hatch forward and then carefully wedge yourself in.
See, I'm gonna roughly double the weight, which is why I need to sit in between the 2 seats rather than on one side or the other, because it might just tip over.
So here we go.
Oh, wow.
That is shaky.
Hoo.
I really think I won that hunting challenge, so I shouldn't even be driving this thing.
But I'm gonna make the most of it, and I'm determined to have a good time.
How you doing? I gotta run some errands today.
I gotta pick up some groceries for my mom, then drop those off before I go to work at Atlanta motor speedway, but I can't start my day without a coffee.
Ohh.
I'm in third gear.
I'm in third gear! Son of a bitch, this thing doesn't handle well.
I would say I am genuinely afraid of this car.
Luckily I'd made it alive to my first stop.
Hi, David.
Rutledge, how are you? You got that frap? Let me bring it over to you.
Hold on.
The great thing about the Peel is that everywhere you go is a drive-through.
Thank you so much.
Would you--would you mind just giving me a little--just a little push backwards? One drawback is that the peel doesn't have a reverse gear.
Fortunately folks down here are always willing to lend a hand.
Good to see you.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Hi.
How you doing? Those are pretty flowers.
Coming up, Rut finds out that even an everyday occurrence is a problem when you're driving a Trident.
Ohh! Sweet jeebers.
After my Scion IQ lost the "Top Gear" small-car challenge to Adam's Fiat 500 and Tanner's Smart car, I was forced to drive around my hometown of Senoia, Georgia, in the world's smallest 2-seater, the Peel Trident.
So far, it hadn't been too bad.
I'd gotten a coffee and was feeling pretty good about how this thing was handling, but I may have spoken too soon.
Holy cow.
It is like being on the surface of the sun in here.
You can't feel any breeze in this thing whatsoever.
There's this one tiny hole where I can get my arm out, and that's supposed to be the vent.
Whoa! Jeez, man! Watch it! But despite the constant near-death experiences on the open road Oh, jeez.
Oh, don't tip over.
Please don't tip over.
Please don't.
And we're fine.
There were parts of daily life that the peel was perfect for.
Look at how easy this is.
Oh, if every day could be like this.
Sorry.
Ooh, look at that.
Oh, that looks nice.
Can of green beans.
The peel made shopping a breeze.
Adam and Tanner didn't know what they were missing.
This is so convenient.
How could you not love this? But I soon found out that, again, my enthusiasm was a bit premature.
Oh.
Oh, it's gotta be on the high shelf.
Wait just That's not gonna fit.
Not only were reach and access a problem Ohh.
But I found that having no reverse gear was much more cumbersome when there was no one around to push you.
I got it.
I got it.
Thank you so much.
You're so very welcome.
Ah, you're a dear.
I love small-town life.
Thank you.
You come back.
I will.
We'll see you soon.
Take me for a ride in that thing.
Done.
It's a 2-seater.
My shopping done, all I had to do was deliver the groceries to my mom before heading off to work.
Here we go.
More train tracks.
Ohh.
Sweet jeebers.
Boy, that would be a terrible way to die, stuck on the railroad tracks in this thing.
Uhp.
Here we are.
Do you want some tea? Oh, I would love some tea.
Ok.
Great.
I know that's sweet.
Yeah.
You gotta have your sweet tea.
I know.
Nothing like a cold glass of tea on a hot day.
Oh, my gosh.
It's been a little warm out there in places.
It has been a little warm.
That's how it is in Georgia.
I'm gonna give you just a little bit.
Ah, thank you.
That's perfect.
Ok.
Here you go.
Is that gonna fit in there, sweetie? Yeah, that's great.
Thank you.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Good.
Well, enjoy.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Hey, here's looking at you, kid.
Ok.
It's always great to see mom, but I couldn't stay.
All right, honey.
Glad you came by.
Mwah.
See you soon.
It was time to head to work.
Well, I gotta head to the speedway.
It's about 20 miles.
That should take me probably half an hour, I would think, which isn't too bad.
Especially when you can just get out and cruise, you don't have to worry about anything A car like this is really made for that, just get out there and-- Son of a bitch! Where did that guy come from? Ah, that's--that's it.
I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
I--there's no way.
There's no way I could drive to the speedway.
I gotta do something else.
Yeah.
This is the way to travel.
People say microcars aren't fun to ride in.
Thanks for the lift, mom.
It was Thursday night thunder at Atlanta motor speedway, the scene of my final chore of the day.
I'd managed to survive so far, but there was one last humiliation I had to endure.
Yeah, sure.
I'll run the pace laps.
That sounds like a great idea.
Just another day at the office just being chased by legends cars.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna flip it! I don't know how I get myself put into these situations.
"Why don't you run out here, lead the pace--" oh, my God.
They're right next to me.
Oh, my gosh.
Last lap.
They're gonna start the race.
This is amazing! Indy 500, the brickyard 400, Daytona 500, no way.
Pacing Thursday night thunder, this is it.
Good luck, everybody.
Ohh! I'm a pace-car driver.
This is amazing.
That's what I'm talking about.
Whee! That was amazing.
I suddenly realized why we hadn't convinced the swamp people to trade in their monster trucks for our small cars.
We hadn't gone small enough.
Which way to Louisiana?