Ally Mcbeal s03e03 Episode Script

Well th wha um well, it, um see, it, it, it, uh It started with these visions.
Uh, I should say "hallucinations," because they definitely weren't my normal fantasies.
He would just appear.
This Alan person? Al.
First, he was in court.
He was the judge, and he just stood up and started singing about loveright at me! And then, he started appearing in my bedroom, and uh, and we'd, um dance.
And the things he sings.
Oh He, he sings my life! And, um, he, uh he, uh ¢ÜI could never see tomorrow I was never told about the sorrow And, and, um and, and, and the problem is, is that I, uh I, I think I've fallen in love with him.
Alan? Yes.
What I'd like to do is put you on Prozac.
What? We could start with a lower dose.
Well, I, I, I'm not gonig on Prozac.
Well, there's no stigma to it, sweetheart.
I'm on it.
No, i-it's a mind-altering drug Ally, you're not well.
I know how you feel.
But I've been a therapist since before you were born.
So, you're going to have to trust me when I tell you you won't find happiness through love or by turning to God; it comes in a pill! There can even be joy in the taking.
Mine comes in suppository form.
Gives me a little wriggle! ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 µ¿È£È¸ ¹ÛÀ¸·ÎÀÇ À¯ÃâÀ» »ï°¡ÇØÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
Last up.
Kirby Gallin, son of Walter Gallin, suspended from school for sexual, uh, assault.
His dad wants the suspension rescinded.
What kind of sexual assault? He kissed a coed, evidently a-against her will.
Uh, Billy, 10:00? I can't.
I have a meeting already scheduled this morning.
Really? Not on my calender.
Well, it's on mine.
I can't do it.
John, it falls to you, then.
Nelle, second-chair.
That's all.
Off we go! What's this meeting? Why, it's just a meeting.
Does everybody have to know my schedule? How about your wife? Potential new client.
I agree with you.
He's lying.
I'll take your side if you want.
Thank you, Elaine.
John, John, John! Ha-have you Have you, um been to see Tracey's sub at all since she's been gone? Dr.
Flott? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wh-what do you think? She's quite good, actually.
She cuts right to the problem.
John, she wants to put me on an anti-depressant! Oh.
"Oh"? That's it? That's all you have to say: "Ohh"? Well it's about time ? You think I should be on medication? Ally, you haven't been happy since I've known you.
What are you talking about? I'm the most happy person I know.
I'm a very happy person! Richard, do you know anybody happier than me? I used to, but he jumped off a bridge.
Why? Would you ever consider taking a mood-altering drug? Ally, please.
Lasting happiness only comes with moneyFishism.
Uh, for temporary well-being, Viagra.
You know, I take creatine.
That's for my pecswell, once I get them.
If it doesn't interfere with my Propecia.
Do you take Propecia? Yeah, it stimulates my follicles.
It started to destroy my family, my life.
Feels good though, to uh, finally admit it.
You know, if, uh, recognizing the problem helps solve it, uh I'm ready.
Thank you, Harold.
Very nice.
Do we have any other new people today? Don't be afraid.
We've all been through this.
I'd, uh, like to thank Myron Stone for inviting me.
This, uh has affected me as well.
I had an awful, terrible fight with a colleague last week, and my marriage I started having issues with my wife.
Excuse me.
We need you to introduce yourself, first name only.
And then, you need to say it.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
My name is Billy.
And and I'm a male chauvinist pig.
Hello, Billy.
Hello, Billy.
What's up, man? All right, Bill.
Very good, Billy.
Hello, Billy.
I mean, this political correctness thing has reached its limits.
He simply kissed the girl! Was it consensual? Kirby? Apparently not.
Why don't you tell us what happened? We kind oflooked at each other, likeyou know, like we liked each other.
And Had you ever met? No.
And you just walked over to her and kissed her? I wanted to make an impression.
He devours romance novels, and he'd been reading this section just the night before.
Uh, I've highlighted it.
Love's Dare.
"No words were exchanged.
With one look, their hearts spoke.
Their thighs quivered.
He reached out and took her into his strong arms and when their lips met, their names were all that remained foreign.
" Amazing how this one got by me.
What did, uh, she do after you kissed her? First, she slapped me, and then, she told the principal.
Look.
Maybe he misread the girl.
But he was just trying to be romantic about it.
How can you kick him out of school? Let us try with the principal.
I really think that we can talk it through without drugs, because I've cracked a wall.
I'm making progress.
Okay.
Can you explain that? Well, y-you know, um wh-when Al appears, i-it's, uh uh, uh, uh, I don't know.
Um w-well, to know love, you have to know pain and, and, and sorrow.
Because they're all mixed in together -- right.
What else? Anyway, two weeks ago, I met this guy at a car wash.
W-well, actually, we hadn't met.
I just wanted him, he wanted me, so right there in the rinse section -- Boom! -- off came the clothes, we made love.
And last week, I kissed a woman.
And even though both of these things seem incredibly daring, they're actually safe.
Because these are people I couldn't fall in love with.
They were like built-in guardrails.
No danger of sorrow.
With one, I wanted his penis, and the other, her tongue.
And emotionally, I stayed protected.
It was like I was learning to physically love with no threat of sorrow.
D-d-does that make any sense? If I could give you just a tad of Zoloft Noo! Look at me.
According to my notes, you slept with a male model once because you were infatuated by his over-sized member.
You just had sports sex in a car wash, and you kissed a woman.
Out of what? Curiosity? Is there anything I can say to help you believe you're not vulgar? Let's have some Thorazine, together! I'm leaving.
We could mix it with a little lithium.
Look how tiny these tablets are! Try and help these little tramps! What? Drugs? Are you serious? Look.
Ally, you have been a little erratic.
Jumping on that guy at the car wash, saying nay at the wedding I, I didn't jump him, it was mutual.
And, and, and I have always been a little erratic, so You hallucinate.
Come on, Ally.
The fantasy thing is cute, I'm even jealous a little.
But hallucinations You know what? I, I, I know that he's not really there! Not in the moment, you don't.
You told me.
Look.
Renee, now, one of the reasons that I may not have control over this is that I, I What? Nothing.
One, one of the reasons that I don't try to control th-this, um Hallucination? Is because I like it.
It's, it's, it's, it's magical.
I feel I don't know, nourished by them spiritually, emotionally.
Look.
I'm not a fan of treating the brain with chemicals.
But, as a friend, you need to address it.
Hallucinating at work, hallucinating at home, this could bring you down.
I like it.
That's your problem -- you like it.
Talk about your dangerous drug! I've never been opposed to the idea of women working.
I certainly have no problem with Janet Reno being Attorney General.
I'd probably be thrilled to have a woman president.
I've always believed that if women ran the world, there'd be less war.
But you're not here because you respect women, Billy.
You're here because you don't.
I'm here because as much as I'm for women's rights, when it comes to my own wife I don't want her dressing in sexy clothes, I don't want her to become a partner at work, I really don't want her to work at all.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'd like her stay home.
I'd like to come home at the end of the day and find a nice meal on the table.
I'd like her to be there waiting, maybe with a pair of slippers, maybe she rubs my feet a little, fixes me a drink.
I want for her day just to be beginning for real, because I'm home.
You're right! Yes! That's it! I need to feel more more Say the word, Billy.
Say it out loud.
Come on, Billy.
Worshipped.
Good saying, Billy! Right on! Beautiful! Look.
What if I didn't suspend him? And what if he did something more serious? You know Kirby Gallin.
Nobody knows any high school teenager, Miss Porter, till he does something crazy one day.
And if he did, with a record of sexual assault, coupled with a record of inaction by the school See, you're a lawyer.
If you were mine, you'd be recommending I do exactly what I'm doing.
Well, there's got to be some compromise here.
Well, get the girl and her parents to withdraw the complaint, I'll revisit the suspension.
That's the best I can do.
Candace, I need to see you, now.
Excuse me.
You're so cool! Oh thank you.
We were wondering.
Where do you get those amazing clothes? I have a friend who designs them.
They are so incredible.
Thank you.
I'll tell her.
You might want to fix your pant let.
Thank you.
Trying to decide whether Retin-A really works? I'm about to make a big decision, Georgia, okay? A life decision.
And when I do that, I look in the mirror first, I give myself a good hard stare.
If you think that's crazy, well, then that makes my decision a little easier.
Prozac? It just seems wrong.
Oh, Ally, there's really no stigma Yes, I know! People sprinkle it on their Jell-O.
But, but I still think th-that -¢ÜI'm so in love, love, love What? Nothing! Have you seen Billy? It isn't Billy.
At least, Billy was there.
It isn't Billy! Are you all right? Yeees! I am completely fine! Drug-free! I, I, I, I, I, I just want to look in the damn mirror! Okay ¢ÜOh-oh-oh-oh Srop it! ¢ÜOh-oh-oh-oh I don't hear it! No! ¢Ü Oh, I I'm so in love with you, ooh Whatever you want to do is all right with me 'Cause you make me feel so brand-new I want to spend my whole life with you Let's, let's stay together.
Loving you whether Whether, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad Oh, Let's, let's stay together.
Loving you whether, Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad Let's, let's stay together.
Loving you whether, Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad Uh it's uh ha, hoo, whoops N-n-never mind.
I didn't send him a look.
I I'm just so sure! Okay.
But I think what we have here is a misunderstanding.
It's more than that, when a physical attack is involved! It wasn't an attack! He kissed her! That's an attack! -Oh, come on! -It certainly wasn't! In fact he there was no violence here! All right! It wasn't even really like a kiss.
I mean, I thought he was trying to bite me.
I didn't bite you.
-Well, you were chewing and sucking! -I didn't bite you! Okay.
Whether it was a kiss or a bite, wanted, unwanted, what is served by making such an issue of it? He did it in front of everybody.
In the cafeteria! Well, does that make a difference, where he did it? Yes.
People thought that I liked him or something, or that we were going out! Made me a laughing stock! You know how hard it is to be popular in school.
It's tough enough without ! That's what this is about, isn't it, Kim? You were humiliated.
And for you to get Kirby suspended, well, that tells the whole school that the kiss was unwanted.
Am I right? If we could just maybe put our hurt aside I I guess I'm afraid of my brain just flattening out.
You know, in this last fantasy, he was only in it in the beginning.
Then, it switched over to all of my friends.
Renee was singing and, and Elaine and John and Richard and Billy and, and Gladys and And I think it was a transition fantasy.
I was realizing that I have a song in my life with all of my friends and, and Al was making me see that.
W-with Renee and, and Billy and Richard and Nelle and John and I have music in my life with them! Well, that's good to realize, don't you think? It's wonderful.
Now, I'm going to write you out a prescription, and you can get it filled at any drugstore.
Here you are, sweet heart.
Mental health will soon be yours! And then, the only problem here you'll have left is whether or not your friends will recognize you.
Drugs My life has come to drugs And a better life it will be, honey! And Al Green will be gone? Forever! I'm, uh, meeting with the girl in my office.
One-on-one, I think I can persuade her.
What are you going to say? That he was wrong to have kissed her, but she should have some compassion.
Yes.
Compassion.
That would be something new.
Excuse me? Are we ever going to talk about it, Nelle, my spanking you? What's there to talk about? It bordered on being criminal.
I heard you talking with Ling that you fantasize Well, that didn't give you the right to do it! Suppose somebody's into masochism, does that license his or her partner to be sadistic? You said you I don't care what I said! My fantasy world is my fantasy world! It didn't give you the right to turn it into reality! So, maybe I was mistaken.
Yes! You were! And is this the compassion you plan to preach to Kimberly? I think, by objectifying women as sexual beings, I was reducing them as human beings.
This is what you've been doing? Well, it's like Billy had said earlier -- there's a paradox.
But don't get me wrong.
I'm all for women progressing as a gender.
But my woman? I don't want her to progress.
I need her to be lesser than.
God forbid she make more money than me! Well, Jim raises an interesting question.
As boys, we're taught that we should grow up and be providers for our families.
But what happens when our woman partner usurp that role? Billy, these men are all I'm shocked.
Uh, excuse me, sir.
Do you have something to say? Oh, no.
Yes, yes I do.
What is wrong with you people? Um excuse me.
I've brought him as a guest.
He's not ready to Look.
Billy, I'd like to address the group.
Uh, it's okay, Billy.
Uh, you are? Richard Fish.
You probably object to the name Richard because, shortened, it would be "dick.
" Do you remember that word? Do any of you remember what it was like to have one? Because from what I'm hearing Um, can I stop you? No, no.
Where does it say women aren't sexual objects? I mean, of course they are.
And here's a flash: They like it.
That's why they're out there, getting their breats done, their tummies tucked, their faces lifted, so we'll keep looking at them sexually.
And of course, men are supposed to be the providers.
Women are the ones who get pregnant.
They can't work, all fat and distended.
They stay home with the kids, while men bring home money.
It's not just God's way, it's the way women want it.
I mean, how many ladies do you know, who say: "Honey, after I give birth, I want you to quit your job and stay home with the kids, so I can keep going to the office"? I mean, ARE YOU NUTS? What's with all this "Let's all be the same"? We're not the same! That's why God made different sexes, so we'd be DIFFERENT! And it's natural for men to enjoy those differences.
You're not going to, uh, change that with meetings.
Ultimately, a man will be ruled by his wants, just like women will be ruled by theirs.
And what we want is sex, what they want is money.
If God made the penis revocable, he'd be asking for yours back right now.
You whipped, whipped things.
The problem is, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN IT AWAY! What you all need to do is go home today and say: "Honey, give me back my penis.
" No, try it.
Try it once with me.
"Honey, give me back my penis.
" Now, harder.
Again.
"I, want, my, penis.
" I want my penis.
I want my penis.
I want my penis.
I want my penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Yes! I want my penis! Yes! That's the way! Thanks for coming with me.
No problem.
You know, I feel like I'll be killing him.
-Who? -Al Green.
By taking this drug and making the hallucination stop, I am effectively killing him.
Ally, Al Green is still alive.
He's a reverend in Tennessee.
The one in my head.
The one you've fallen in love with.
Yes.
And he will be no more, once I swallow.
I'm going to miss him! Do you have any idea how wonderful it has been being visited by him, singing about love, singing my life? Who's waiting for the Prozac? That would be me.
Men somehow get the idea that women want to be taken, that it's romantic for them to impose themselves.
And, and you know what? We're probably a little to blame, in we still want the man to make the first move; we expect them to go to kiss us at the end of a date.
It wasn't a date, and he bit me.
Well, he was trying for a kiss.
Kimberly, if it's about standing up for yourself, well, you've done that.
If it's about showing the world you're not interested in him, it's a little cruel.
Can you imagine it from his side? You talk about being laughed at.
.
, you mean the way that you and others have always laughed at Kirby? When I was a junior in high school, I went on my very first date.
It was to a carnival.
I remember this like it was yesterday.
I walked her to her door afterward.
And we talked for a few minutes while I summoned up the courage.
And then, I went to kiss her, and I I really don't know how.
And she giggled at my, my feeble attempt.
We went to kiss again, but she, she just couldn't stop her giggles.
And I felt my heart go right through my feet.
I couldn't imagine being more humiliated.
Of course, I knew she'd tell all of her friends.
I'm not defending what Kirby did.
But the embarrassment that he caused you, I suspect it'll be gone by next week.
His? It could last a lifetime.
I should have known better than to bring you.
Lucky I was there.
It's like a cult.
It isn't a cult.
When's the next meeting? You are not going to the next meeting.
Can I go? No.
I can't imagine he's been any good in bed lately.
Am I wrong? All right.
Enough.
What is going on? I've been attending these seminars, Increasing Male Sensitivity Towards Women.
I beg your pardon? Last week, Renee accused me of running from Ally in part because I knew I'd never be able to subordinate her, and I think it's true.
And my problem with you asserting your independence a while back dressing in sexy clothes.
I think I have to face the fact.
I consider you a possession of mine in a way.
I feel it should be my right to control you.
What, what was that? I'm not saying it's right.
You feel you need to control me? And if we have kids, which you know I want to do, I expect you to give up your job.
But if you don't, if you want to keep working, I'd have a big problem with that.
What, what other little revelations have you had? Well, I don't believe in equal parenting.
I believe men should be involved, but I believe there should be father figures and there should be mother figures.
And if we have kids, I expect you to quit work.
And I don't think you should be thinking about partnership.
And while I certainly don't think of you only as a sexual object, I do think of you as someone who should fulfill my sexual needs.
And if you put on a hundred pounds, I'd have a big problem there, too.
I, I never saw this in you.
I didn't see it in me, either.
But it's there.
And I'm beginning to think Richard's right.
I shouldn't apologize for it.
Everybody's down at the bar.
You coming? I'll, I'll be down in a minute.
Ally, if you're that reluctant, don't take it.
Well, I can't keep having hallucinations, e-even if they are Al Green.
I'm going to miss him.
He made me smile.
But, like you said, that last one that you had, it was a message that there's song and all of us too, Ally, your life.
Yeah, yeah.
Look.
I'll, I'll be down there in a minute, okay? I want to do this alone.
Sure.
Well, see you down there.
¢Ü Don't look so sad I know it's over But life goes on And this world keeps on turning It's fine by me.
If it's okay with the girl and her parents, I'll expunge it from the record.
And you'll lift the suspension? It already has been.
Kirby is back.
It's done.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Saved me and the school a lot of trouble! Kirby.
Hi! Thank you.
You doing okay? How can I be okay? Everybody says I kiss like a snapping turtle.
Look.
Here's the problem with those romance novels.
They keep describing kisses as hungry, and it makes it seem like people are eating each other's lips or something.
The best kiss is very gentle and tender.
Mind if I showed you? What? just take a second.
You you want to kiss me?? Yeah.
Well, here? Well, if I did it in a private place, I'd risk being arrested you're underage.
I I don't know Well, let me just, uh kiss you goodbye, then.
How do you feel? Like I'm going to faint.
You'll get your legs back in a second.
In the meantime, I want you to remember two things: The first, every guy in this school is now envious of you And second, that was wonderful.
You really can kiss! Billy, hey! Collecting a few thoughts or just dropping them off? Ah so, now I'm being punished for sharing my feelings? No, I'm just sharing mine.
Which are hostile.
You ran from Ally because you didn't feel you could subordinate her.
Me, you marry.
It's not that it's not that simple.
And even if it was, can't you see I'm struggling with this? I'm not proud of I always considered myself pro-women.
When, in fact, you're Cro-Magnon.
I'm not going to listen to this.
I had to listen to it!!! Suddenly, y-y-you don't want me to be partner or, or, or work after we have kids, or put on a hundred pounds!? Come on, Georgia, I just had the guts to say what every man feels! Which is? Which is, I want a wife with a nice body, who can raise kids.
Does it mean I want a bimbo? No.
But I don't want a big, fat, raging feminist, either! You are a pig!!! Which is why I went to the meeting! A male pig meeting to get sensitive? This is what I get for talking to you? No, this is what you get for marrying somebody who can talk back! Oh, go do your hair, Georgia.
Feminine enough? Billy? I'm okay.
Oh, lie back.
I'm fine.
Easy.
You're not getting enough air.
You flushed them? Down the toilet? I can make it on my own.
I know I can.
Yes, and I'm happy for you.
But to waste perfectly good Prozac! I ought to put you on Xanax just for that! Oh, look! I couldn't kill Al Green, even if he's only imaginary in my head.
Yeah, and you can't face down your little dementia because it comes in gospel form! Hey! You don't know the first thing about my dementia! All you know And don't try to romanticize your insanity, either! That's all I need -- another wacko in love with her lunacy! You are the wacko! Look, Ally.
I've tried to be sweet with you.
Most patients would kill for that prescription.
Some of them have.
And I gave it to you in an eye blink.
Yes, but you tried give it to me in suppository form! So you can stick it up your ass! Oh, go pick another theme song! You pissy little thing! I'm through with you! Perfectly good anti-depressant down the toilet! I don't know, I don't need chemicals, John.
Because-cause I'm starting to feel a lot stronger lately.
Really? How? I'm not sure.
I'm less afraid of being alone, less afraid of not fitting in.
I don't fit in, John! Cheers! John? Nelle,there's a rumor at Kirby's school, he kissed another girl today.
Are you angry? Why, do you want a spanking? It's a very bad joke.
I was trying to mitigate somebody's lifetime embarrassment.
No.
I, I know that, Nelle.
Do you want to go to the bar? Well, I G-go.
I'm, I'm heading home anyway.
Come join us.
No.
Actually, I'm looking forward to walking home solo.
You're sure? Tonight's the night! Night, then.
Night.
I thought you'd like to know.
Billy and Georgia are fighting.
Don't really want to know, Elaine.
Georgia knocked him semi-unconscious.
I brought him back by sticking my tongue down his esophagus.
Didn't really need to know that, either.
He's probably down at the bar alone.
Well, then why don't you go tongue him some more? You took the drug, didn't you? No.
I didn't.
¢ÜTo Sir, With Love ¡¸Heart and Soul: New Songs from Ally McBeal¡¹ The time has come for closing books and long last looks must end And as I leave, I know that I am leaving my best friend A friend who taught me right from wrong and weak from strong, that's a lot to learn What, what can I give you in return? If you wanted the moon, I would try to make a start But I would rather you let me give my heart to you, with love Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone But in my mind, I know that they live on and on and on and on If you wanted the sky, I would write across the sky in letters That soars a thousand feet high to you, with love