Awkward s03e03 Episode Script

Previously on Awkward I'm not pregnant I totally thought I was, but I'm not.
Why didn't you tell me you thought you were pregnant? - I'm not.
- I can respect that you didn't want to talk about it before, so can you please respect that I don't want to talk about it now? Good night, Jenna.
It had been a week since Matty found out about the pregnancy scare, and he seemed to be doing everything in his power to ensure we didn't have another.
Is everything okay? Sure, babe.
He kept insisting everything was fine, but his actions said otherwise.
It was weird.
We weren't talking, we weren't doing it, and what was worse, we weren't talking about not doing it.
Our communication was at an all-time low.
Hold it right there.
In light of the tragic and untimely demise of Ricky Schwartz, I am taking precautionary measures to make our school a peanut-free zone.
Or rather, a pea-not zone.
Are you in possession of any nuts or nut-related products? I'll be confiscating this.
Nut check.
All clear.
I'm gonna have to stop you right there, J.
When was the last time you had a nut in your mouth? It was a good question.
Okay, I'm not saying I'm at an 11 on the panic meter, but I am inching towards a 7.
Something is definitely off in my relationship.
I'd say it's pretty clearblue easy.
Matty's freaked out over the pregnancy scare.
How did you know about that? Jake and I tell each other everything.
That's unhealthy.
And creepy.
Next thing you know, you'll be one of those couples who shares an email.
But even more shocking than the potential mama drama is that it came from Jake's mouth.
I'm sorry.
I was gonna tell you.
- I tried to call - It's chills.
- I'm already over it.
- I get it, J.
There are certain things we should keep to ourselves.
- What things? - Just things.
Back to the hot topic at hand, I know you and Matty are all action, no talk, but have you asked him if everything's cool? - Of course I did.
- What did he say? "Sure, babe.
" He "sure-babed" you? "Sure, babe" is one step away from "whatever, honey," which is the gateway phrase to "take care," which we all know is the end.
Okay, now I'm at an 11.
If you dipsters seriously think I killed Ricky, your IQs must be as small as your Fuck it.
I'm perfectly fine eating alone.
- Go have lunch with Hamil-tramp.
- I don't feel like it.
I'd rather hang with you.
Why aren't you eating? I guess my murder rap made me lose my appetite.
Ever since Ricky bit it, everyone's afraid of me.
Even that airbag, Lissa, is keeping her distance.
- You poor thing.
- I know.
I haven't outed anybody, made anyone transfer, or said the word harelip - in three days.
- Come on, Sades.
This is all gonna blow over.
No one really thinks you're a murderer.
Miss Saxton, this is PI Mulville, stands for Personal Investigator.
Private Investigator.
We're gonna have to take you downtown to answer some questions.
And by downtown, I mean my office.
You better eat your granola bar before it's confiscated by the nut patrol.
While I had no idea what was going on in Matty's head, Jake knew what Tamara packed for lunch.
Henry.
Am I having a seizure, or did some weird stuff just go down? You guys, this is my boyfriend Henry.
We're in love.
If every couple had a different way of interfacing, Matty and I were somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
Maybe the way to get us back on track was to go back to basics sex in a forbidden place, where one of us was likely to come out the other end needing a tetanus shot.
But it was worth the risk because the make out had stopped the freak out.
With Matty and me, getting some action always spoke louder than words.
Oh, I I've got to get to class, but this was fun.
- That's it? - We can hang out tonight.
I had no reason to be insecurious.
We were longer sophomores at sex.
We were juniors.
And as such, we were going to take our time.
Yeah, let's hang out.
Cool.
Then we can talk.
It was time to stop worrying and start freaking.
Matty wanted to talk.
Whoo! Was that good for you? Yeah, that was good for me too.
Aw, damn.
My shirt's on backwards.
Thanks for the tune-up.
Heard someone got lucky in the sanctuary.
Word sure travels fast.
- So are you and Henry in love? - We're soul mates.
Where did you two meet? In line waiting for the new iPhone.
- What's Henry's middle name? - Bao-Zhi.
It means "full of wisdom.
" - Boxers or briefs? - Beckhams.
I didn't think Henry was your type.
I thought you liked tall, skinny, Asian boys with a sense of humor and a cowlick an inch above their right ear.
- You mean like Fred Wu? - Fred who? Fred Wu.
I know you know I know him.
Oh, right.
I know everything about you because your life is so fascinating.
I can't help but follow every little thing - that's happening in it.
- Hmm.
I'm kidding.
How long did Henry wear braces? Trick question.
He never wore them.
_ _ - What did you say? - Nothing.
Where were you the night Ricky Schwartz died? Hell if I know.
Home, I guess.
Is there anyone who can corroborate your alibi? We're not convinced there was any foul play.
We are just trying to get some clarity.
There was evidence of, uh, sexual nature at the scene.
Ricky was a man whore, which means there are probably, like, 300 suspects.
If we called your folks, would they confirm you were home that night? Don't call my parents.
Call my lawyer.
You got a problem with us calling your parents? No, but I have a problem with you.
I'm curious.
Do you and your sister wives rotate clothing, or is that your own personal peasant skirt? Deflecting an obvious sign of guilt.
I can put an end to this bitch hunt right now.
- Can we have some privacy? - You mind waiting outside? Not from him, from you.
I didn't sleep with that asshole, and a test will prove it.
Sweetie, we don't have money for fancy lie detectors.
No, genius.
A pap smear.
I'm a virgin.
But be warned.
If you actually force me to do that, I will sue you, and then you two can bad-cop, worse-cop on the unemployment line.
You're welcome.
- I'm back.
All done? - For the record, Miss Saxton, I don't think you killed Ricky.
But I get why people think you did.
No wonder she's such a grumpster.
Girl needs to get laid.
Matty doesn't want to get laid, he wants to talk.
I can't be alone with him.
I am not emotionally prepared for the talk right now.
I need another day to process.
Wait.
I have an idea.
What's that thing that you've been begging me to do since we were kids? BFGFBFF! I have been dreaming about this since I was six.
And then I met you, and then you met Matty, and then you met Jake, and then you cheated on Jake with Matty, and then I started dating Jake, and now you're with Matty, and here we are.
Our whole lives have been building up to this moment.
BFGFBFF the boyfriend-girlfriend- best-friends-forever double date.
The D-D is implied.
That is completely insane, and I am all in.
Yes! I'll call you later with a plan.
Sure, I was using the BFGFBFF as a security blanket.
But as long as I wasn't alone with Matty, I didn't have to have the talk.
Hamilton.
Get in.
I kind of feel like walking.
And not talking.
I've got your favorite candy.
He was trying to lure me into that convo with sugary treats.
- No, thanks.
- Hop in.
I'll take you home.
He was trying to take me to a second location.
Stranger danger.
I mean, how well did I really know Matty? - Hello? - Clearly, not well enough to know what he wanted to talk about.
Actually, I can't.
I'm walking home with my friend.
Cici.
Hi! I guess I'll see you tonight then? Yes, you will.
On a double date with Tamara and Jake.
Sorry, forgot to tell you.
Hope that's cool.
Sure, babe.
Dude, you just got "sure-babed.
" Promise me you will not leave me alone with Matty.
- No alone time, no talk.
- No problem.
I am an expert at putting my face where it doesn't belong.
So, girls, what are we wearing for the BFGFBFF? Ooh.
Not that necklace I hope.
- I thought you liked it.
- I do.
But it's bad juju to wear a gift from an ex.
Not to mention weird.
Sorry, T.
I forgot.
And you just made it weirder.
I can't believe you two don't have more issues over this.
You're so much more mature than Ally and I were.
What do you mean we're more mature? When Ally dated my ex and we would pregame before BFGFBFFs, she would spike my drink with prune juice so that I would have explosive diarrhea.
Thank goodness you girls are more evolved.
Yep, thank goodness for that.
Ming and Henry? I didn't mean to spoil the BFGFBFF, but in case you and Jake can't keep it above the neck, I'm gonna need reinforcements.
Okay, but I have no idea what to call this new configuration.
Why don't we take two cars? Jenna, you can ride with me.
Uh, this is a group date.
Two is not a group.
Six is a group.
Five could also be considered a group.
Four, but never two.
We can fit.
Move.
Move.
Move please.
Sorry, everyone.
She takes a while to warm up.
Don't come knocking on my back door Jake, do you remember this song? Oh, yeah.
Lissa's party.
Yes.
Be-hymen! - I will never forget that.
- Chinese fire drill! No offense.
What are you doing? If I end up next to Matty, he might try to talk.
So stick your head out the window.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
Back seat Chinese fire drill.
No offense.
You can't call a back seat one.
I just did.
You should get that in case it's, like, an emergency, and you have to, like, leave or something.
- Hey, how you doing? - Fine.
Well, I am wearing soft pants.
- Can we get out of here? - Stop.
McKibben, are you with people? Yeah, I can't really talk to you right now.
Oh.
Okay.
Everything all right? Yeah.
Okay, well, I'll call you back later.
Is that Sadie? Ask her where the bodies are buried.
Tell gingerskank to go fuck herself and then forget I called.
I'm fine.
She says hi.
Sounds like Sadie needs a friend.
I'll check on her later.
If you're worried about me being alone on the group date, don't.
Bonus if you bail, we'll have more room.
And you don't really want to come, do you? Sure, babe.
Solo Chinese fire drill! Oh, no.
No offense.
I'm waiting for your call Who ever heard of needing a reservation at a Thai place? I don't want to point any fingers, but Point that thing at yourself.
This BFG whatever was your idea, but at least it's over.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not over.
Why don't we go to the Thai place at the strip mall? - Ooh, yeah! - My legs are numb.
Over here.
Henry shouldn't have to sit on Ming all night.
Are we gonna spend the entire night in the freaking car? She's warming back up.
- And so was Matty.
- Maybe we should split up.
- Fine by me.
- The group date was a bust.
But Matty and I were all good.
It was finally safe to go our separate ways because he was doing the move to the boob.
We were going to get down in a way that didn't need words.
Finally, we'll be able to talk.
Oh, the night's still young.
I have an idea.
- Charades.
- Four words.
Personally, I hated the game.
But the not-talking part had its obvious appeal.
Cooking.
- Cross guard.
- TV show.
Pulling four horses.
Matty was giving me every reason to believe the roller coaster ride was over and it was safe to unfasten my insecurity belt.
- Nun? He's a nun.
- A guy in the curtain.
Fred Wu is here! Anyone care to explain the new boyfriend, - ex-boyfriend on the same date? - Uh, hello? Jenna, Jake, Matty same diff.
But I'm not putting my tongue down Jenna's throat.
Ming, your presence is requested on a three-way live conference call, now.
don't you know that Why did you turn up the music? The house has eyes.
- And ears.
- Asian mafia.
Ming, if you're still with Fred, - who the hell is Henry? - My beard.
I've been Asian bitching Becca for months.
I wasn't just staying at my grandparents' this summer to learn Mandarin.
I was seeing Fred on the low.
- And Becca has no idea.
- More like no evidence.
But I Asian bitched you bitches, and you didn't know.
Ming's paranoia was contagious.
With my reinforcements off the clock, I needed to keep up the game.
My turn.
All right, let's do it.
- Uh, movie.
- Yes.
Four words.
- Two.
- No, second word is - Brushing, washing, shower.
- Comb.
So dirty.
Monkey tail oh, shower.
- Monkey, showering monkeys.
- No.
Hairy.
- Lovers.
Lovers.
Star-crossed.
- Blossoming.
No, a rom-com.
- Running man.
- The 1980s? A rom-com from the '80s? Tell me that And that we saw together.
Did we go to the movies or oh, no, on TV God, I should know this.
Uh that weekend that we both had colds.
Oh, When Harry Met Sally! - Yes! Yeah! - Yes! All right.
Whoo-hoo! - Whoo! Bam.
- Boom.
Yeah, team J and J.
Matty may have sucked at charades, but it wasn't hard to pick up on his clues.
Reality show, four words, Matty wanted to talk.
Jenna, I need to use the bathroom.
Okay.
No, I need to use the bathroom, bathroom.
So then use my parents' bathroom.
No, I need to use the bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom.
I gotta make a call.
So why are we in the bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom? Because you're ruining the BFGFBFF.
I can't speak for Matty, but I can speak for myself.
This thing with you and Jake you got to rein it in.
I don't know if you got the memo, but Jakenna is dead, and Jakara is in business.
I don't want to borrow this.
And I'm not borrowing Jake from you.
I'm sorry.
I forgive you.
Now I'm gonna speak for Matty.
After watching him watching you, my take is that he's Jake-elous.
No doubt in my mind that Matty's feeling insecure because you told Jake about the maybe baby - before you told him.
- How can you tell? 'Cause I'm a communicator and a little bit psychic.
It's time you stopped worrying about Matty hurting you.
You're hurting him.
Never had this problem with Jake.
'Cause Jake was the girl.
In our relationship, we're both girls.
That's why it works.
I know why you're upset.
And I'm sorry it took me so long to catch on.
It was so not cool.
I'm a jerk.
And I'm crazy about you.
- Okay.
- You forgive me? I'm gonna go now.
Do you still need me to talk block? If Tamara and Jake were the poster couple for talking it out, I needed to give Matty a chance to open his mouth too.
Hoping against hope it would end up on mine.
I know you're not fine.
You are such a pain in my ass.
That pain isn't going away till you tell me what's up.
- My parents are gone.
- On vacation? From me.
My mom's in rehab for exhaustion, and dear old dad fled the country 'cause of the money sitch.
Wait, so you're all alone? Consuela's here, but she's in the doghouse.
Why, what'd she do? Nothing.
She's cleaning it.
Matty, no one wants to be around me.
At school, everyone hates me.
And at home, no one cares if I'm alive or dead.
I may as well be Ricky.
I'm scared.
You're not thinking of hurting yourself, are you? No, dumbass.
I still love myself.
But I do want to throw up.
Promise me you won't, or I'll come over there and kick your ass.
Please, I could totally take you.
I'm serious, Sadie.
Swear you won't.
I swear, okay? This family stuff sucks.
You know I've been there.
But you're strong.
You're gonna be okay.
- I am? - Definitely.
And there's no way in hell you could take me.
Why don't you come over here and prove it? I would swing by, but I have to have a conversation with Jenna.
So have it.
I gotta go.
I know you've been wanting to have this talk all day, and I'm sorry I've been avoiding it.
But if this is gonna be the talk where you break up with me, then we are not having this talk because I am breaking up with you first.
So there.
Talk over.
That's not this talk.
Good.
What's going on? Last week you didn't want me to touch you, and then today you wanted to do it in the sanctuary.
Are you upset that I didn't tell you about the pregnancy sitch? No, I'm upset that you told Jake before me.
And that we don't have that thing you and Jake had.
- Have.
- What thing? - A friendship? - I guess, yeah.
Why can't we have that? - Why can't I be that for you? - Be what? The guy you don't have to sleep with to be connected to, Jenna.
The guy you can say anything to.
I'm sorry I told Jake.
He was just there, and it came out.
That is exactly the point.
It's always so easy with Jake.
Why is it not easy with me? I guess I'm just always afraid the minute anything bad happens, you're gonna run away.
Why would you think that? Because you were embarrassed of me.
When? After we first had sex.
We never talked.
We just hooked up.
And then when we did talk, it was only in private.
I'd call that embarrassment, wouldn't you? No.
I was never embarrassed of you.
to write this down So how do we fix this? How do we I don't know.
Talk and We already have.
would you stay with us tonight?