Batman (1966) s03e03 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
A glorious morning in Gotham City.
But in Commissioner Gordon's office, the Siren readies a nasty scheme.
Now, commissioner, you are ready to do my bidding.
Your merest wish is my ultimate command.
Just say "yes," that will be sufficient, although superfluous.
No man can resist the stunning note of my voice.
Two octaves above high C.
- I want you to call Batman.
-Batman? Call him and have him meet you in some neutral place.
If you desire.
How about--? - How about my daughter's apartment? -Splendid.
- What am I to say to him? -Nothing.
- Nothing? -You will not show up for the meeting.
Just be sure you know where he parks the Batmobile.
In the underground garage of her apartment building.
Where else? How superbly suitable.
Barbara Gordon's apartment? Why there? Ours is not to reason why, Dick.
We're duly deputized minions of the law Commissioner Gordon is our immediate superior and good crime-fighters always obey orders.
- To the Batpoles.
-Roger.
NARRATOR".
And now, in Barbara Gordon's apartment, the mystery deepens.
I can't fathom it.
This is the first time Commissioner Gordon failed to keep an appointment.
It's not like him.
Not like him at all.
I was looking for him myself.
And his secretary, Bonnie, thought he might be coming here.
- I certainly hope nothing's happened to him.
-Gosh, yes.
But why would he wanna meet us here and not in his office? He must have had a very good reason, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon does not take his responsibilities lightly.
I don't know how long they'll be there, so work fast.
Now, remember, your primary mission is to discover the location of the Batcave and the true identities of Robin and Batman.
With that knowledge as a weapon plus the fortune that I plan to get from millionaire Bruce Wayne my plan will be complete.
It's a beautiful plan.
Beautiful.
Heh.
Would any of you care for a soft drink? No, thank you, Ms.
Gordon.
We might find it too relaxing.
First order of business is to locate your father.
Sure, and that's the truth.
Perhaps the Batcomputer could be of some help, Robin.
Roger.
Goodbye, Ms.
Gordon.
And don't worry about your father.
NARRATOR".
And shortly, in the Siren's hideout in a subterranean grotto Batman and Robin, you're finished, I say.
For hidden inside of your car, Commissioner Gordon is lurking and soon he'll tell me whoever you are.
Ha, ha.
Nothing quite so pleasant as a musical interlude, eh, boys? You hired us to be criminals, Siren, not critics.
All we've been doing is losing a week of time while you sit around and strum the strings.
Patience, I can see, is not one of your virtues, if indeed you have any.
But you needn't wait much longer, my dear Allegro.
The first step in my fantastic plan has already been completed.
Even as we converse, my operation is rapidly coming to fruition.
Like most women, you keep talking about your operation.
But you still haven't told us what it is.
For openers, boys, who remembers the good women of history? Florence Nightingale and Molly Pitcher they pale in comparison to Mata Hari, Lucrezia Borgia and Lady Macbeth.
Evil is what makes the world go round.
And I want to be evil.
I'm not knocking evil, Siren.
But don't forget Catwoman and Black Widow, they all went up the river because of Batman.
Right you are, my musical mobster.
But those amateurs neglected one thing.
They neglected to expose Batman's identity.
Once that's done the cowled crime-fighter's efficiency will be dissipated leaving me a clear path to ravage and pillage Gotham City as it's never been ravaged and pillaged before.
I want to become the wickedest woman in Gotham City and thus, in the world.
With the help of Bruce Wayne's fortune which I shall shortly control.
Barbara, it doesn't look as though your father is going to show up.
I'm afraid you're right, Chief O'Hara.
I'll be getting back to the office.
If I hear from him, I'll call you.
Do that.
Even if I'm out, I'll get the message.
Even if you're out, you'll answer? Well, not exactly that.
My phone answers for me.
Oh, sure, then it's one of those tricky little gizmos that answers in your own voice and then replays the messages.
Oh, sure, and it is, Chief O'Hara.
At least it won't be answering in Lorelei Circe's voice or all the windows would be broken.
- Whose voice? -Lorelei Circe.
She's the world-famous chanteuse who's appearing in Gotham City.
She has a range of seven octaves.
And when she sings her highest note I'm told only hunting dogs can hear it, and are completely stunned.
Well, let's hope your father doesn't run into her.
Oh, I'm just spoofing you, Barbara.
I'm sure he'll show up safe and sound.
Good bye.
Charlie, am I jumping to the world's biggest conclusion? Could my father have run into Lorelei Circe? Lorelei Circe.
Lorelei, a temptress a siren who lives in a grotto.
The Grotto Arms.
I read that's where she's been staying.
NARRATOR".
What's on Barbara's mind, Charlie? Is she about to go into action as that Dominoed Dare-doll Batgirl? - What is the matter with it? -Perhaps it doesn't understand our question about Commissioner Gordon, Robin.
I've never seen that light flash before.
Well, that's the Batcomputer Bat-resistance Signal.
Of course it doesn't understand our question about Commissioner Gordon.
It can't answer it.
Commissioner Gordon represents law and order.
The Batcomputer is programmed to deal only with criminals.
Holy one-track Batcomputer mind.
I guess we'll have to figure this one out for ourselves.
Not without some nourishment, old churn.
The body needs food as well as the mind.
Good evening, sir.
Through for the day? Just going to grab a bite, then get back to business.
Which is, if I may ask? Locating Commissioner Gordon, Alfred.
Very good, sir.
If you'll excuse me, I have a little dusting to do.
You'll find your milk and sandwiches already prepared in the study.
Thank you, Alfred.
Commissioner Gordon.
What are you doing here? YOu? You're Alfred, millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler.
And that voice, the same nameless voice that often answers the Batphone.
- I'm afraid you're making a mistake, sir.
-Mistake? Nonsense.
Obviously, this is the Batcave.
Ergo, Batman is Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson is Robin, The Boy Wonder.
Hmm, hmm.
Batman and Bruce Wayne, one and the same.
I must convey this information at once to the Siren.
The Siren? I think you're making a grave error of judgment, sir.
You're being very civilized about this.
Most butlers would do anything at this moment to stop me.
- Quite right, commissioner.
-Oh.
Yes, indeed.
Nothing.
We should get into town and survey the area where Commissioner Gordon was last seen.
Perhaps we can find a clue there.
You need look no further, sir.
- Commissioner Gordon.
-Commissioner Gordon.
Sound asleep, sir.
I found him in the Batcave.
Sound asleep in the Batcave? But he was awake when he stepped out of the rear of the Batmobile.
Thanks to a sizable dose of Bat-Sleep he is now languishing in the arms of Morpheus.
Great Scott.
Yes.
And I'm afraid he knows the true identities of each of you.
In the absence of any word from Commissioner Gordon, I shall now make a call.
- Like me to do it, Siren? -Oh, no, Andante.
I'm the only person in the world that can deliver my message to Mr.
Bruce Wayne.
The millionaire playboy? The soon-to-be ex-millionaire playboy.
My next move is to relieve Mr.
Wayne of his fabulous fortune.
With Batman revealed by Commissioner Gordon and thus permanently impaired and with Bruce Wayne's millions in my possession, I'll be unstoppable.
Information? I'd like the number of stately Wayne Manor, please.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, at their handsome residence, our heroes remained puzzled.
- How much Bat-Sleep did you give him, Alfred? -I should say approximately 12 hours worth, sir.
What could have caused him to do such a thing? Hide in the Batmobile? Our main concern now is what to do with him.
He can't sleep forever and when he wakes up, he intends to tell-- Who was it? - Someone called the Siren, sir.
-Obviously, the perpetrator of this sinister plot.
Hello? Yes, yes, this is millionaire Bruce Wayne.
Meet me in my private office at the Wayne Foundation Building in a half hour? I'll be there.
Is everything all right, sir? Everything is fine, Alfred.
- Where are you going, Bruce? - That is not your concern, Dick.
I have a personal matter to attend to.
But you can't leave now.
Something's very wrong, Alfred.
Bruce never acted that way before.
And right after that telephone call, sir.
I'm going to see what it's all about.
You'll never know unless you answer it, Master Dick.
- Hello? -Robin, this is Batgirl.
Batgirl.
On the Batphone? I'm in Commissioner Gordon's office.
No one else is here.
I must speak to Batman at once.
I'm afraid he's, uh, unavailable right now.
Can I help you? Well, perhaps you can.
A frightful thing is happening.
I can't go into detail over the phone.
But by some sort of sonic spell the Siren intends forcing Bruce Wayne to give up his fortune to her.
So that's it.
And it seems she can project this sound over the phone.
I think that's what might have happened to my-- Commissioner Gordon.
Meet you at Wayne Foundation Building as soon as possible.
- And Batman? -He, uh, may be there too.
NARRATOR".
Later, in Bruce Wayne's private office in the Wayne Foundation Building You now have the Wayne family jewels.
You have everything, including all my ready cash.
Oh, there's still the little matter of your signing over the property, stocks and bonds of the Wayne fortune to me.
Oh, yes.
Do you have the necessary legal forms? Andante.
NARRATOR".
While in the lobby of the Wayne Foundation Building He must still be under her influence, so we'll have to deal gingerly with Mr.
Wayne.
You bet.
Wouldn't want an innocent man to get hurt.
I only wish Batman were here to help us.
He may be here sooner than you think.
Holy standstills.
I wish this elevator would get here.
No telling what they're up to.
There.
That should do it.
I now have everything I want.
Everything.
Except the identity of Batman.
Batman? No doubt Commissioner Gordon is back in his office by now and has probably been trying to call them.
Commissioner Gordon's office.
No, the commissioner is not here.
This is Chief of Police O'Hara speaking.
May I do something for you? Yes.
Go jump in Gotham Park Lake.
Ha, ha.
We heard that, Siren, and you're sending an innocent man to drown himself.
Well, look who's here.
Batgirl and Batboy.
There's no escape, Siren.
Better give yourself up.
- We'll soon see about that.
- That won't do you any good at all.
Girls are impervious to your entrancing voice.
And I'm wearing Bat-earplugs that successfully screen out any sound above 14,000 decibels.
Your goose, so to speak, is cooked.
Not by a long shot, short stuff.
I now own this building.
Is that true, Mr.
Wayne? She now owns this building.
And I hereby order you off the premises.
This is private property and you cannot come in here without a warrant.
She has us there, Robin.
Holy Fourth Amendment.
So if you'll just make yourselves scarce, I won't have to report you to the police.
This way out.
Come on, Batgirl.
- But there must be some-- -We're licked.
You'll pay a pretty price for this, Siren.
Let's get this thing over with.
- What are you gonna do with him? -Bruce Wayne? That penniless fop? Now that he has no fortune he's going to do what many other bankers in his position have done.
He's going to leap off the roof.
I'm going to leap off the roof.
Good boy.
Dropping that bugging device was a smart move, Robin.
Maybe not smart enough.
They've just taken the elevator to the roof.
She's going to make Bruce Wayne jump.
- The stairway? -Yes.
You're in good shape.
Come on, now.
Just one more step.
Don't do it, Mr.
Wayne.
Get in there and help my men.
Sorry about this, Mr.
Wayne.
Help me.
Help.
Why should I? You were willing to let Bruce Wayne leap.
Can we talk about it after you pull me up? Can you get Mr.
Wayne out of that spell? I-- Can you? I might try singing an antidote note.
Then do it.
Oh, but that's three octaves above high C.
Nobody's ever done it before.
My voice would be gone.
I'd rather die.
I'd rather live.
All right, I'll try it.
- Oh, Bruce, if only you were more like Batman.
-Batman.
Perhaps then you would have had the strength to resist the Siren's stunning spell.
All right, Siren, do your stuff.
Robin.
- Batgirl.
What's going on here? -Don't worry about a thing, Mr.
Wayne.
You're all right now.
What about the others? Chief O'Hara.
Here we go.
Oh.
Batman.
Barbara.
What's going on? You were under the spell of the Siren, Daddy.
The Siren, eh? Hmm.
The last thing I remember is That's funny.
I can't remember the last thing I remember.
Permanent amnesia apparently lasts as long as a person is under Siren's spell.
I feel like Rip van Winkle.
You only slept like him.
Batman and Robin took care of things perfectly.
Don't forget Batgirl.
And speaking of Batgirl, she was on her way to fish Chief O'Hara out of-- Gotham Park Lake.
And begorra, she did.
But after she rescued me, she just vanished.
I walked over to the office to dry off but I didn't do much drying.
All's well that ends well.
Particularly now that millionaire Bruce Wayne's millions have been returned to him.
And Siren will be singing her stunning notes from a cage with iron bars.
How right you are, Robin.
Shall we go? Warden Crichton should find the Siren a model prisoner, commissioner if she doesn't open her mouth.
What in the world was that? It's our newly-developed Criminal Sensor Bat-indicator, commissioner which apparently suggests that Penguin has returned to the environs of Gotham City.
Lulu.
Speak to me, Lulu.
Don't call me Lulu, Pengy.
It's Senora Lola Lasagne now.
Now, I'm not here in Gotham City to be bothered by you.
I'm here to enter my prize-winning horse in the Wayne Foundation handicap.
We're gonna make a tidy bundle on that race, Lulu.
Whah, Whah, whah.
And not only Penguin, commissioner but some new female accomplice named Lola Lasagne.
NARRATOR".
Will Batman need more than luck with Penguin and Lola? Watch the next episode to find out.