Buffy the Vampire Slayer s03e03 Episode Script
Faith, Hope & Trick
- I'm giddy.
|- I like you giddy.
Always have.
It's the freedom.
As seniors|we can go off campus now for lunch.
It's no longer cutting, it's legal.
|It's expected.
It's also a big step forward.
|A senior moment, one to be savoured.
You can't just rush into this.
No, I can't! - You can.
|- You are.
But what if they changed the rule?|What if they're lying in wait to arrest me and throw me in detention|and mar my unblemished record? Breathe.
OK This is good.
This is Hey, we're seniors.
|Hey, I'm walkin' here.
Ah, Buffy and food.
We shouldn't be couply around Buffy.
Cos the only guy that ever liked her|had to be put down like a dog? Can she cram complex issues|into a nutshell, or what? All right, prepare to uncouple.
Uncouple.
Buffy, banned from campus, but not our|hearts.
How are you, and what's for lunch? - I just threw a few things together.
|- Now you're Martha Stewart? First, she knows jack|about hand-cut prosciutto.
- I don't believe she slays, either.
|- I hear she can, but doesn't like to.
Second, way too much free time|since I got kicked out of school.
I know they'll let you back in.
- Aren't you and your mom meeting Snyder?|- We see Snyde-man tomorrow.
Scott Hope at 11 o'clock.
He likes you.
He wanted to ask you out last year,|but you weren't ready.
But I think you're ready now.
Or at least in the state of pre-readiness|to make conversation.
Or do that thing with|your mouth that boys like.
Oh, not the bad thing with your mouth,|I meant that half-smile thing you - You're s'posed to stop me when I do that.
|- I like when you do that.
- Hi, Buffy.
|- Hi.
I think that went very well, don't you? He didn't try to slit our throats.
It's progress.
- Did you do that half-smile thing?|- Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope.
I just wanna get my life back,|do normal stuff.
Like date? - Well|- You wanna date.
I saw that half-smile, you little slut.
All right, yes, date, and shop,|and hang out, and go to school, and save the world from unspeakable|demons.
You know, girlie stuff.
Welcome to Happy Burger,|May I take your order? Diet soda.
Medium.
that'll be 89 cents at the window, sir, Sunnydale.
Town's got quaint.
And the people.
He called me "sir".
|Don't you just miss that? Admittedly it's not a haven for the brothers,|strictly the Caucasian persuasion, but you just gotta stand up|and salute their death rate.
I ran a statistical analysis,|and hello, darkness! Makes DC look like Mayberry.
And ain't nobody sayin' boo about it.
We could fit right in here.
Have us some fun.
We're here for one thing.
Kill the Slayer, yeah.
|Still, big picture - Have a nice night, sir.
|- Right back at ya.
The Slayer.
I'm going to rip|her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart|and suck the marrow from her bones.
Now I'm hungry.
I miss you.
I had to.
I loved you.
- Oh, God, Angel|- Go to hell! I did.
Morning, sunshine.
Ready to face the beast? Here are the terms of your re-entry, missy.
|Take 'em or leave 'em.
One, that you pass a make-up test of|every class you skipped out on last year.
Two, that you provide, in writing,|one glowing letter of recommendation from any member of our faculty|who is not an English librarian.
Three, that you complete an interview|with our school psychologist who must conclude|that your violent tendencies are under control.
I'm not sure I like your attitude, Mr Snyder.
|I spoke with the school board, and I'm required to educate every juvenile|who's not in jail where she belongs.
Welcome back.
So let me get this straight.
I'm really back in school because|the school board overruled you.
Wow.
That's like having your whole ability|to do this job called into question.
I think what my daughter's trying to say is: It's the mayor on line one, It's so great that you're a schoolgirl again.
Giles say what he wanted?|You think he's mad? I don't think so.
|I think he just needed to see you.
Have you noticed, though, when he is mad|but he's too English to say anything he makes that weird cluck-cluck sound|with his tongue? Hi, Giles.
Oh, hi.
Been there long? Buffy, good timing.
I could use your help.
|I trust you remember the demon Acathla? Giles, contain yourself.
|Yes, I'm back in school, but you know it embarrasses me|when you gush so.
Let's just skip that and get to work.
Of course it's wonderful to have you back.
|That goes without saying.
But you enjoy making me say it, don't you? OK, Acathla, huh? What are you doin'?|Making him demon pizza? We need to make sure|he remains dormant, and that the dimensional vortex is sealed|tight, so I'm working on a binding spell.
Ooh, a spell! Can I help? Possibly with the research.
|It's a very sensitive and - Who's more sensitive than me?|- and difficult spell.
It involves creating|a protective circle around I won't bore you with the details, but there's|a litany one has to recite in Aramaic, and it's very specific,|so I need details about your experience of defeating Acathla and Angel.
- Fire away.
|- I've put the time at about 6:11, about half an hour after Xander rescued me.
Less.
More like ten minutes.
Oh, was the vortex already open? Barely.
I see.
And Angel? Big fight, Angel got the|pointy end of the sword, Acathla sucked him into Hell|instead of the world.
That's about it.
Yes, well, that should be very helpful.
Oh, no.
I have to go take|an English make-up exam.
They give you credit|just for speaking it, right? Mm, sage.
I love that smell.
And Marnox root.
You know, a smidge of this|mixed with a virgin's saliva It does something I know nothing about.
These forces are not to be played around|with, Willow.
What have you been conjuring? Nothing much.
Well, you know,|I tried the spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust.
But since then, you know, small stuff.
Floating feather, fire out of ice -|which next time I won't do on the bedspread.
Are you mad at me? No, of course not.
If I were, I would be making a strange|clucking sound with my tongue.
Don't let me interrupt.
Are you Is she all glowy? Yeah, I suspect happiness.
I passed my English make-up exam,|I'm hanging with my friends Hello, my life, how I've missed you.
Hi, Scott! What are you doin' here? You told me if I came after eight|I could run into Buffy.
I'm sorry, I'm a bad liar.
|It's not good for the soul.
Or the skin, actually, it makes me blotch.
Hi, Scott.
- Don't you love this song?|- Yeah, actually, I do.
Would you like to? Dance? Um I don't know.
I'm bad with - Thank you for asking, it's just that|- OK, I'll just stand by the dance floor.
If you change your mind, you can mosey|on over.
If not, then you don't mosey.
No harm, no foul, right? Right.
Come on, Buffy.
|I mean, the guy is charm.
And normal, which is what|you wanted to get back to.
Plus bonus points|for use of the word "mosey".
I just don't think I'm ready.
What's stopping you? Check out Slut-o-rama and her Disco Dave! What was the last thing that guy danced to?|KC and the Sunshine Band? I don't think that guy thrives on sunshine.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh No, I have to Oh.
Uh, sorry.
My bad.
No, it's mine.
Really, it's mine.
|But I I have to go.
Where'd she go? I bet it's nothing.
|They're probably just making out.
That's not what making out sounds like.
|Unless I'm doing it wrong.
Stop struggling.
This won't hurt.
It's OK, I got it.
You're Buffy, right? I'm Faith.
I'm gonna go out on a limb|and say there's a new slayer in town.
Can I borrow that? Thanks, B.
Couldn't have done it without you.
The whole summer it was, like,|the worst heat wave.
So it's about 118 degrees|and I'm sleepin' without a stitch on.
All of a sudden I hear screaming outside,|so I tear out, stark nude, and a church bus is broke down,|and there's three vamps feasting on half the Baptists|in South Boston.
So I waste the vamps, and the preacher's|huggin' me like there's no tomorrow, when all of a sudden the cops pull up,|and they arrested us both.
Wow, they should film that story|and show it every Christmas.
God, I could eat a horse! Isn't it crazy how|slayin' always makes you hungry and horny? Well, sometimes I crave|a non-fat yoghurt afterwards.
I get it! Not the horny thing - yuck -|but the two-slayer thing.
There was one,|then Buffy died for two minutes, so then Kendra was called,|and when she died Faith was called.
But why were you called here? I wasn't.
My watcher went off to some|retreat thing in England, so I skipped out.
I figured this was my chance to meet|the infamous Buff and compare notes.
So, B, did you really use|a rocket launcher one time? Yeah.
Actually, it's a funny story So what was that alligator story?|You said something before? There's this big daddy vampire out|in Missouri who used to keep 'em as pets.
So he's got me rasslin' one of 'em -|it must've been 12ft long So, was this also naked? Well, the alligator was.
Xander? Find a new theme.
I tell ya, I never had more trouble|than that damn vamp.
So what about you?|What was your toughest kill? Well, they're all difficult, I guess.
Oh, do you guys remember the Three? Right, you never met the Three.
|Well, there was Something occurring.
You both kill vamps,|and who could blame you, but I'm wondering about|your position on werewolves.
- Oz is a werewolf.
|- It's a long story.
- I got bit.
|- Apparently not that long.
Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me|or humpin' my leg, we're five by five, y'know? Fair enough.
The vamps, though,|better get their asses to DEFCON 1.
Cos you and I are gonna have fun,|watcherless and fancy-free.
- Watcherless?|- Didn't yours go to England, too? There is a watchers' retreat every year|in the Cotswolds.
It's a lovely spot.
It's very serene.
There's horse riding and hiking and punting,|and lectures and discussions It's a great honour to be invited.
Or so I'm told.
Ah, it's boring.
|Way too stuffy for a guy like you.
Maybe I should introduce you again.
|Faith, this is Giles.
If I'd known they came that young and cute,|I'd have requested a transfer.
Raise your hand if "eww".
Well, leaving aside for a moment|my youth and beauty, I'd say it was fortuitous|that Faith arrived when she did.
Sorry.
I just meant There's a big evil brewin'.
You'll never be bored here, Faith, cos this|is Sunnydale, home of the big brewin' evil.
I don't know how big and evil it is, but two people have disappeared|from the Sunset Ridge district.
Well, I'm good for patrolling.
Latish, though.
|I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner.
To which you're invited, of course.
|Dinner with us.
Dyin' to meet the fam.
I'm in.
Great.
Then we can patrol.
|Also together.
- Don't you have a health science make-up?|- Oh, yeah.
I could use some coaching.
You can hang out with us while|she's testing.
You wanna? Say yes, and bring your stories.
You guys go.
It's fine.
Fine.
I'll just sit.
OK.
Hey, later.
We will talk weapons.
This new girl seems to have a lot of zest.
I've been having a little problem|with the binding spell for Acathla.
I'm lacking the requisite details|to perform it correctly.
Now physical location|Acathla was facing south? Acathla, Angel, me, sword.
That's what I thought, but Giles, look, I've got make-up tests to pass,|missing people in Sunset Ridge, and a zesty new slayer to feed.
|Next time I kill Angel, I'll video it.
And over here we have the cafeteria,|where we were mauled by snakes.
And this is the spot where|Angel tried to kill Willow.
And over there is where Spike and his gang|nearly massacred us on parent-teacher night.
And up those stairs|I was sucked into a muddy grave.
They say kids don't learn anything in school|nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
You guys are a hoot and a half.
If I'd had|friends like you in high school, I'd probably still have dropped out, but|I might've been sad about it, you know? So what's up with B? I mean, she seems wound kinda tight,|needs to find the fun a little, like you two.
- Well|- Oh.
Water.
And then the alligator story.
She's got something, doesn't she? What is it with you and slayers? Maybe I should dress up as one|and put a stake to your throat.
Oh, please, God, don't let that be sarcasm.
I'm gonna tell him straight.
- Oh, excuse me.
|- Sorry.
I know you from somewhere.
- The Bronze.
Friend of Buffy's, right?|- Yeah.
I'm Faith.
- I'm Scott.
Nice to meet you.
|- Nice to meet you.
Well, I'm two for two with make-up tests.
|Proud, yes, but also humble, and We're looking at what? Does anyone believe|that is her actual hair colour? I haven't seen him laugh like that.
|Hey, maybe Faith and Scott could hit it off.
I mean, if you're done with him|Not that you used him Well, I hadn't definitely 100 per cent|said no for all time.
It's just, you know, you don't|enter into these things lightly.
There's repercussions to consider, and Why am I seeing a look? You really do need to find the fun, B.
Buffy.
- Hey.
|- Hey, Buffy.
Faith has been telling me tall tales.
She's funny.
And she's leaving.
|We have to go.
He's a cutie.
Is he seeing anybody? Mr Trick, talk to me.
This town this very street,|wired for fibre optics.
See, we jack in a T-3, 2500 megs per,|we have the whole world at our fingertips.
All I'm sayin' is we stay local, where the|humans are jumpin' and the cotton is high, but we live global.
You get the hankerin' for|the blood of a 15-year-old Filipina, I'm on the net and she's here|the next day, express air.
I want the blood of the Slayer.
On that note, there's good news and bad.
Rumour has it that this town already|has a slayer, which makes two.
I'm not sure how that happened.
I don't care if there are a hundred slayers!|I'll kill them all! She's going to pay for what she did to me.
Yes, she is.
I'm running a computer check on every hotel,|rooming house and youth hostel in town.
Meanwhile, as soon as the sun goes down, we're out in force.
Food's here, boys.
You guys order So you're a slayer, too.
|Isn't that interesting.
- Do you like it?|- God, I love it.
- Mom?|- Just a second, honey.
You know, Buffy never talks that way.
|Why do you love it? Well, when I'm fighting it's like the whole|world goes away and I only know one thing, that I'm gonna win and they're gonna lose.
|I like that feeling.
Sure - it beats that dead feeling you get|when they win and you lose.
- I don't let that kind of negative thinking in.
|- Right.
That could get you hurt.
Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes.
- Honey, you gotta fight that.
|- Workin' on it.
- Faith, can I get you another soft drink?|- You bet.
She's really cool, huh? Best mom ever.
Excuse me.
I like this girl, Buffy.
She's very personable.
She gets along|with my friends, my watcher, my mom - Look, now she's getting along with my fries.
|- Now, Buffy Plus at school she was making eyes|at my not-boyfriend.
This is creepy.
Does anybody else think Faith is creepy? No.
But I'm the one getting|Single White Femaled.
It's probably good you were an only child.
Mom, I'm just getting my life back.
|I'm not looking to go halfsies on it.
Well, some things I'd be happy|to see you share - like the slaying.
I mean, two of you fighting|is safer than one, right? I guess.
Unless I mean, you heard her, she loves|the slaying.
Couldn't she take over for you? Mom, no one can take over for me.
But you go to college next year.
|It would be Mom, the only way you get a new slayer|is when the old slayer dies.
Then that means you.
- When did you die? You never told me.
|- It was just for a few minutes.
Oh, I hate this.
I hate your life.
Mom, I Look, I know you didn't choose this.
|I know it chose you.
I have tried to march|in the slayer pride parade, but I don't want you to die.
I'm not gonna die.
I know how to do my job.
Besides, like you said, I've got help now.
I've got all the help I can stand.
Didn't we do this street already? Funny thing about vamps - they'll hit a street|even after you've been there.
No manners.
You've been doing this the longest.
- I have.
|- Yeah.
Maybe a little too long.
Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
|- You got a problem? I'm five by five, B, livin' entirely large,|actually wondering about your problem.
Well, I may not sleep in the nude|and rassle alligators Maybe it's time you started, cos something|in your bottle needs uncorking.
What is it, the Angel thing? What do you know about Angel? Just what I've heard - big love, big loss,|you oughta deal and move on, but you're not.
I got an idea.
How about from now on|we don't hear from you on Angel or anything else in my life,|which, by the way, is my life.
Why are you gettin' so strung out, B? Why are your lips still moving, F? - Did I just hear a threat?|- Would you like to? Wow.
Think you can take me? Yeah.
I just hope they can't.
My dead mother hits harder than that! Stake him already and give me a hand! This is for me, you undead bastard! For Kakistos we live,|for Kakistos you'll die! Faith! Faith You can't touch me! - What is wrong with you?|- What do you mean? You "living large" on that vampire.
Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets|you, you're in the wrong line of work.
- Or maybe you like it a little too much.
|- I was getting the job done.
The job is to slay demons, not beat them to|a bloody pulp while their friends corner me! I thought you could handle yourself.
You must realise, Buffy, that you and Faith|have very different temperaments.
And mine's the sane one.
The girl's not playing with a full deck.
|She has almost no deck.
She has a three.
You said yourself that she killed one.
She's just a plucky fighter|who got a little carried away.
Which is natural.
|She's focused on the slaying.
- She doesn't have a life here, as you do.
|- She doesn't need a life.
She has mine.
- I think you're being a little|- No, I'm being a lot.
I know that.
She nearly got us both killed.
|The girl needs help.
All right, I'll see if I can reach|her watcher at the retreat.
They're eight hours ahead now.
|They're probably sitting down to a nightcap.
I wonder if they still kayak.
|I used to love a good kayak.
You see, they don't even consider Sorry, I digress.
|The vampire that attacked you, can you furnish me with some details|that might help me trace their lineage? Ancient or modern dress,|amulets, cultish tattoos? No tats, crappy dressers, and Oh, the one that nearly bit me|mentioned something about kissing toast.
- He lived for kissing toast.
|- You mean Kakistos? Maybe it was taquitos,|Maybe he lived for taquitos, What? Kakistos.
Is that bad? Kakistos is Greek.
|It means the worst of the worst.
It's also the name of a vampire|so old that his hands and feet are cloven.
Now, this guy shows up|two days ago, right? Right around the time my bestest|new little sister makes the scene.
You think he and Faith are connected? Giles, there are two things I don't believe in:|coincidence and leprechauns.
Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both|arrived here by chance simultaneously.
OK, but I was right|about the leprechauns, right? As far as I know.
Good.
OK, you phone England,|I'll talk to Faith, see if khaki trousers rings - Kakistos.
|- .
.
Kakistos rings a bell.
Or an alarm.
- Right.
|- Right.
Hi.
- Scott.
|- How are you? - OK.
I gotta|- Be somewhere else, right? Think of this as my last-ditch effort.
|I realise one more will qualify as stalking.
I've given a lot of thought - some might say|too much - to how I might be part of your life.
It begins with conversation, we all know this.
|Maybe over a cup of coffee, or maybe at the Buster Keaton festival|playing on State Street all this weekend.
You know, come to think of it, I don't think|I've given a fair chance to Buster Keaton.
I like what I've seen of him so far.
|I think it might be time to see a little more.
Keaton is key.
Oh, um, I got you a little present.
A guy in|the retro shop said it represents friendship, and that's something|I'd very much like to have with you.
You like? I can't.
I can't do this.
OK.
I get the message.
Are you all right? Giles, hi.
Uh, yeah I'm fine.
- Did you reach the retreat?|- Yes, I did.
What did her watcher say? Her watcher's dead.
The room's $18 a day.
- That's every day.
|- I'll get it to you by tomorrow, I swear.
It's not like I own the place.
- But I bet you will some day.
|- Not if I listen to broads like you.
- Roommates are extra.
|- I'm just visiting.
So, what brings you to the poor side of town? Cloven guy.
Goes by the name Kakistos.
- What do you know about Kakistos?|- That he's here.
We're not happy to see old friends, are we?|What did he do to you? It's what I did to him, all right? And what was that? Faith, you came here|for a reason.
I can help.
You can mind your own business.
|I'm the one who can handle this.
Yeah.
You're a real bad-ass|when it comes to packing.
What was that you said about my problem?|Gotta deal and move on? Well, you have the moving-on part here.
What|about dealing? You gonna dump that on me? You don't know me, or what I've been|through.
I'll take care of this, all right? Like you took care of your watcher? He killed her, didn't he? They don't have a word for what he did to her.
- Oh, what now?|- Faith, you run, he runs after you.
That's where the head start comes in handy.
Faith I just bought us a little more time.
- Oh, no!|- Scream later! Escape now! Let's go! We're OK.
What happened? Faith, what happened? I was there when he killed my watcher, and I saw what he did to her,|what he was gonna do to me.
I tried to stop him, but I|I couldn't.
And I ran.
Faith, first rule of slaying - don't die.
You did the right thing, OK? You didn't die.
|Now you do the math - one of him, two of us.
Yes.
No.
- This is his place.
|- He drove us here.
Faith! Don't die! Don't! If we don't do something,|the Master could get killed.
Well, our prayers are with him.
There's a reason these vengeance|crusades are out of style.
See, the modern vampire,|we see the big picture.
I guess you need a bigger stake, Slayer! You hungry? Starved.
The Council has approved our request.
Faith is to stay here indefinitely, and I'm to look after you both|until a new watcher is assigned.
Good.
She really came through in the end.
She had a lot to deal with,|but she did it.
She got it behind her.
I'm glad to hear it.
Angel was cured.
I'm sorry? When I killed him, Angel was cured.
Your spell worked at the last minute, Will.
I was about to take him out and, um,|something went through him, and he was Angel again.
He didn't remember anything that he'd done.
He just held me.
But it was it was too late and I had to.
So I told him that I loved him,|then I kissed him, then I killed him.
I don't know if that helps|with your spell or not, Giles.
Yes, I believe it will.
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
I've been holding onto that for so long,|it felt good to get it out.
I'll see you guys later.
Giles, I know you don't like me|playing with mystical forces, but I can really help|with this binding spell.
There is no spell.
Scott Hello.
Hey.
I was waiting for you to get out of class.
Oh.
Why? There was someone a while ago,|and the ring sort of confused me, but I liked what you said about friendship|a lot.
And Buster Keaton, big fun, and I'm capable of big fun, though there's|no way you could know that about me.
Wow, if I knew I was gonna go on this long|I probably would've brought some water.
What I'm trying to say is,|if you'd still like to go to the film festival, and I would understand if you didn't,|I'd pretty much love to go with you.
I don't know, Buffy.
|I'm really gonna have to think about this.
OK, I thought about it and I'm in.
|When do you wanna go? Well, I have one thing that I have to do|tonight, and then I'm good.
Good.
Goodbye.
|- I like you giddy.
Always have.
It's the freedom.
As seniors|we can go off campus now for lunch.
It's no longer cutting, it's legal.
|It's expected.
It's also a big step forward.
|A senior moment, one to be savoured.
You can't just rush into this.
No, I can't! - You can.
|- You are.
But what if they changed the rule?|What if they're lying in wait to arrest me and throw me in detention|and mar my unblemished record? Breathe.
OK This is good.
This is Hey, we're seniors.
|Hey, I'm walkin' here.
Ah, Buffy and food.
We shouldn't be couply around Buffy.
Cos the only guy that ever liked her|had to be put down like a dog? Can she cram complex issues|into a nutshell, or what? All right, prepare to uncouple.
Uncouple.
Buffy, banned from campus, but not our|hearts.
How are you, and what's for lunch? - I just threw a few things together.
|- Now you're Martha Stewart? First, she knows jack|about hand-cut prosciutto.
- I don't believe she slays, either.
|- I hear she can, but doesn't like to.
Second, way too much free time|since I got kicked out of school.
I know they'll let you back in.
- Aren't you and your mom meeting Snyder?|- We see Snyde-man tomorrow.
Scott Hope at 11 o'clock.
He likes you.
He wanted to ask you out last year,|but you weren't ready.
But I think you're ready now.
Or at least in the state of pre-readiness|to make conversation.
Or do that thing with|your mouth that boys like.
Oh, not the bad thing with your mouth,|I meant that half-smile thing you - You're s'posed to stop me when I do that.
|- I like when you do that.
- Hi, Buffy.
|- Hi.
I think that went very well, don't you? He didn't try to slit our throats.
It's progress.
- Did you do that half-smile thing?|- Look, I'm not trying to snare Scott Hope.
I just wanna get my life back,|do normal stuff.
Like date? - Well|- You wanna date.
I saw that half-smile, you little slut.
All right, yes, date, and shop,|and hang out, and go to school, and save the world from unspeakable|demons.
You know, girlie stuff.
Welcome to Happy Burger,|May I take your order? Diet soda.
Medium.
that'll be 89 cents at the window, sir, Sunnydale.
Town's got quaint.
And the people.
He called me "sir".
|Don't you just miss that? Admittedly it's not a haven for the brothers,|strictly the Caucasian persuasion, but you just gotta stand up|and salute their death rate.
I ran a statistical analysis,|and hello, darkness! Makes DC look like Mayberry.
And ain't nobody sayin' boo about it.
We could fit right in here.
Have us some fun.
We're here for one thing.
Kill the Slayer, yeah.
|Still, big picture - Have a nice night, sir.
|- Right back at ya.
The Slayer.
I'm going to rip|her spine from her body, and I'm going to eat her heart|and suck the marrow from her bones.
Now I'm hungry.
I miss you.
I had to.
I loved you.
- Oh, God, Angel|- Go to hell! I did.
Morning, sunshine.
Ready to face the beast? Here are the terms of your re-entry, missy.
|Take 'em or leave 'em.
One, that you pass a make-up test of|every class you skipped out on last year.
Two, that you provide, in writing,|one glowing letter of recommendation from any member of our faculty|who is not an English librarian.
Three, that you complete an interview|with our school psychologist who must conclude|that your violent tendencies are under control.
I'm not sure I like your attitude, Mr Snyder.
|I spoke with the school board, and I'm required to educate every juvenile|who's not in jail where she belongs.
Welcome back.
So let me get this straight.
I'm really back in school because|the school board overruled you.
Wow.
That's like having your whole ability|to do this job called into question.
I think what my daughter's trying to say is: It's the mayor on line one, It's so great that you're a schoolgirl again.
Giles say what he wanted?|You think he's mad? I don't think so.
|I think he just needed to see you.
Have you noticed, though, when he is mad|but he's too English to say anything he makes that weird cluck-cluck sound|with his tongue? Hi, Giles.
Oh, hi.
Been there long? Buffy, good timing.
I could use your help.
|I trust you remember the demon Acathla? Giles, contain yourself.
|Yes, I'm back in school, but you know it embarrasses me|when you gush so.
Let's just skip that and get to work.
Of course it's wonderful to have you back.
|That goes without saying.
But you enjoy making me say it, don't you? OK, Acathla, huh? What are you doin'?|Making him demon pizza? We need to make sure|he remains dormant, and that the dimensional vortex is sealed|tight, so I'm working on a binding spell.
Ooh, a spell! Can I help? Possibly with the research.
|It's a very sensitive and - Who's more sensitive than me?|- and difficult spell.
It involves creating|a protective circle around I won't bore you with the details, but there's|a litany one has to recite in Aramaic, and it's very specific,|so I need details about your experience of defeating Acathla and Angel.
- Fire away.
|- I've put the time at about 6:11, about half an hour after Xander rescued me.
Less.
More like ten minutes.
Oh, was the vortex already open? Barely.
I see.
And Angel? Big fight, Angel got the|pointy end of the sword, Acathla sucked him into Hell|instead of the world.
That's about it.
Yes, well, that should be very helpful.
Oh, no.
I have to go take|an English make-up exam.
They give you credit|just for speaking it, right? Mm, sage.
I love that smell.
And Marnox root.
You know, a smidge of this|mixed with a virgin's saliva It does something I know nothing about.
These forces are not to be played around|with, Willow.
What have you been conjuring? Nothing much.
Well, you know,|I tried the spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust.
But since then, you know, small stuff.
Floating feather, fire out of ice -|which next time I won't do on the bedspread.
Are you mad at me? No, of course not.
If I were, I would be making a strange|clucking sound with my tongue.
Don't let me interrupt.
Are you Is she all glowy? Yeah, I suspect happiness.
I passed my English make-up exam,|I'm hanging with my friends Hello, my life, how I've missed you.
Hi, Scott! What are you doin' here? You told me if I came after eight|I could run into Buffy.
I'm sorry, I'm a bad liar.
|It's not good for the soul.
Or the skin, actually, it makes me blotch.
Hi, Scott.
- Don't you love this song?|- Yeah, actually, I do.
Would you like to? Dance? Um I don't know.
I'm bad with - Thank you for asking, it's just that|- OK, I'll just stand by the dance floor.
If you change your mind, you can mosey|on over.
If not, then you don't mosey.
No harm, no foul, right? Right.
Come on, Buffy.
|I mean, the guy is charm.
And normal, which is what|you wanted to get back to.
Plus bonus points|for use of the word "mosey".
I just don't think I'm ready.
What's stopping you? Check out Slut-o-rama and her Disco Dave! What was the last thing that guy danced to?|KC and the Sunshine Band? I don't think that guy thrives on sunshine.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh No, I have to Oh.
Uh, sorry.
My bad.
No, it's mine.
Really, it's mine.
|But I I have to go.
Where'd she go? I bet it's nothing.
|They're probably just making out.
That's not what making out sounds like.
|Unless I'm doing it wrong.
Stop struggling.
This won't hurt.
It's OK, I got it.
You're Buffy, right? I'm Faith.
I'm gonna go out on a limb|and say there's a new slayer in town.
Can I borrow that? Thanks, B.
Couldn't have done it without you.
The whole summer it was, like,|the worst heat wave.
So it's about 118 degrees|and I'm sleepin' without a stitch on.
All of a sudden I hear screaming outside,|so I tear out, stark nude, and a church bus is broke down,|and there's three vamps feasting on half the Baptists|in South Boston.
So I waste the vamps, and the preacher's|huggin' me like there's no tomorrow, when all of a sudden the cops pull up,|and they arrested us both.
Wow, they should film that story|and show it every Christmas.
God, I could eat a horse! Isn't it crazy how|slayin' always makes you hungry and horny? Well, sometimes I crave|a non-fat yoghurt afterwards.
I get it! Not the horny thing - yuck -|but the two-slayer thing.
There was one,|then Buffy died for two minutes, so then Kendra was called,|and when she died Faith was called.
But why were you called here? I wasn't.
My watcher went off to some|retreat thing in England, so I skipped out.
I figured this was my chance to meet|the infamous Buff and compare notes.
So, B, did you really use|a rocket launcher one time? Yeah.
Actually, it's a funny story So what was that alligator story?|You said something before? There's this big daddy vampire out|in Missouri who used to keep 'em as pets.
So he's got me rasslin' one of 'em -|it must've been 12ft long So, was this also naked? Well, the alligator was.
Xander? Find a new theme.
I tell ya, I never had more trouble|than that damn vamp.
So what about you?|What was your toughest kill? Well, they're all difficult, I guess.
Oh, do you guys remember the Three? Right, you never met the Three.
|Well, there was Something occurring.
You both kill vamps,|and who could blame you, but I'm wondering about|your position on werewolves.
- Oz is a werewolf.
|- It's a long story.
- I got bit.
|- Apparently not that long.
Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me|or humpin' my leg, we're five by five, y'know? Fair enough.
The vamps, though,|better get their asses to DEFCON 1.
Cos you and I are gonna have fun,|watcherless and fancy-free.
- Watcherless?|- Didn't yours go to England, too? There is a watchers' retreat every year|in the Cotswolds.
It's a lovely spot.
It's very serene.
There's horse riding and hiking and punting,|and lectures and discussions It's a great honour to be invited.
Or so I'm told.
Ah, it's boring.
|Way too stuffy for a guy like you.
Maybe I should introduce you again.
|Faith, this is Giles.
If I'd known they came that young and cute,|I'd have requested a transfer.
Raise your hand if "eww".
Well, leaving aside for a moment|my youth and beauty, I'd say it was fortuitous|that Faith arrived when she did.
Sorry.
I just meant There's a big evil brewin'.
You'll never be bored here, Faith, cos this|is Sunnydale, home of the big brewin' evil.
I don't know how big and evil it is, but two people have disappeared|from the Sunset Ridge district.
Well, I'm good for patrolling.
Latish, though.
|I promised Mom I'd be home for dinner.
To which you're invited, of course.
|Dinner with us.
Dyin' to meet the fam.
I'm in.
Great.
Then we can patrol.
|Also together.
- Don't you have a health science make-up?|- Oh, yeah.
I could use some coaching.
You can hang out with us while|she's testing.
You wanna? Say yes, and bring your stories.
You guys go.
It's fine.
Fine.
I'll just sit.
OK.
Hey, later.
We will talk weapons.
This new girl seems to have a lot of zest.
I've been having a little problem|with the binding spell for Acathla.
I'm lacking the requisite details|to perform it correctly.
Now physical location|Acathla was facing south? Acathla, Angel, me, sword.
That's what I thought, but Giles, look, I've got make-up tests to pass,|missing people in Sunset Ridge, and a zesty new slayer to feed.
|Next time I kill Angel, I'll video it.
And over here we have the cafeteria,|where we were mauled by snakes.
And this is the spot where|Angel tried to kill Willow.
And over there is where Spike and his gang|nearly massacred us on parent-teacher night.
And up those stairs|I was sucked into a muddy grave.
They say kids don't learn anything in school|nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
You guys are a hoot and a half.
If I'd had|friends like you in high school, I'd probably still have dropped out, but|I might've been sad about it, you know? So what's up with B? I mean, she seems wound kinda tight,|needs to find the fun a little, like you two.
- Well|- Oh.
Water.
And then the alligator story.
She's got something, doesn't she? What is it with you and slayers? Maybe I should dress up as one|and put a stake to your throat.
Oh, please, God, don't let that be sarcasm.
I'm gonna tell him straight.
- Oh, excuse me.
|- Sorry.
I know you from somewhere.
- The Bronze.
Friend of Buffy's, right?|- Yeah.
I'm Faith.
- I'm Scott.
Nice to meet you.
|- Nice to meet you.
Well, I'm two for two with make-up tests.
|Proud, yes, but also humble, and We're looking at what? Does anyone believe|that is her actual hair colour? I haven't seen him laugh like that.
|Hey, maybe Faith and Scott could hit it off.
I mean, if you're done with him|Not that you used him Well, I hadn't definitely 100 per cent|said no for all time.
It's just, you know, you don't|enter into these things lightly.
There's repercussions to consider, and Why am I seeing a look? You really do need to find the fun, B.
Buffy.
- Hey.
|- Hey, Buffy.
Faith has been telling me tall tales.
She's funny.
And she's leaving.
|We have to go.
He's a cutie.
Is he seeing anybody? Mr Trick, talk to me.
This town this very street,|wired for fibre optics.
See, we jack in a T-3, 2500 megs per,|we have the whole world at our fingertips.
All I'm sayin' is we stay local, where the|humans are jumpin' and the cotton is high, but we live global.
You get the hankerin' for|the blood of a 15-year-old Filipina, I'm on the net and she's here|the next day, express air.
I want the blood of the Slayer.
On that note, there's good news and bad.
Rumour has it that this town already|has a slayer, which makes two.
I'm not sure how that happened.
I don't care if there are a hundred slayers!|I'll kill them all! She's going to pay for what she did to me.
Yes, she is.
I'm running a computer check on every hotel,|rooming house and youth hostel in town.
Meanwhile, as soon as the sun goes down, we're out in force.
Food's here, boys.
You guys order So you're a slayer, too.
|Isn't that interesting.
- Do you like it?|- God, I love it.
- Mom?|- Just a second, honey.
You know, Buffy never talks that way.
|Why do you love it? Well, when I'm fighting it's like the whole|world goes away and I only know one thing, that I'm gonna win and they're gonna lose.
|I like that feeling.
Sure - it beats that dead feeling you get|when they win and you lose.
- I don't let that kind of negative thinking in.
|- Right.
That could get you hurt.
Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes.
- Honey, you gotta fight that.
|- Workin' on it.
- Faith, can I get you another soft drink?|- You bet.
She's really cool, huh? Best mom ever.
Excuse me.
I like this girl, Buffy.
She's very personable.
She gets along|with my friends, my watcher, my mom - Look, now she's getting along with my fries.
|- Now, Buffy Plus at school she was making eyes|at my not-boyfriend.
This is creepy.
Does anybody else think Faith is creepy? No.
But I'm the one getting|Single White Femaled.
It's probably good you were an only child.
Mom, I'm just getting my life back.
|I'm not looking to go halfsies on it.
Well, some things I'd be happy|to see you share - like the slaying.
I mean, two of you fighting|is safer than one, right? I guess.
Unless I mean, you heard her, she loves|the slaying.
Couldn't she take over for you? Mom, no one can take over for me.
But you go to college next year.
|It would be Mom, the only way you get a new slayer|is when the old slayer dies.
Then that means you.
- When did you die? You never told me.
|- It was just for a few minutes.
Oh, I hate this.
I hate your life.
Mom, I Look, I know you didn't choose this.
|I know it chose you.
I have tried to march|in the slayer pride parade, but I don't want you to die.
I'm not gonna die.
I know how to do my job.
Besides, like you said, I've got help now.
I've got all the help I can stand.
Didn't we do this street already? Funny thing about vamps - they'll hit a street|even after you've been there.
No manners.
You've been doing this the longest.
- I have.
|- Yeah.
Maybe a little too long.
Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
|- You got a problem? I'm five by five, B, livin' entirely large,|actually wondering about your problem.
Well, I may not sleep in the nude|and rassle alligators Maybe it's time you started, cos something|in your bottle needs uncorking.
What is it, the Angel thing? What do you know about Angel? Just what I've heard - big love, big loss,|you oughta deal and move on, but you're not.
I got an idea.
How about from now on|we don't hear from you on Angel or anything else in my life,|which, by the way, is my life.
Why are you gettin' so strung out, B? Why are your lips still moving, F? - Did I just hear a threat?|- Would you like to? Wow.
Think you can take me? Yeah.
I just hope they can't.
My dead mother hits harder than that! Stake him already and give me a hand! This is for me, you undead bastard! For Kakistos we live,|for Kakistos you'll die! Faith! Faith You can't touch me! - What is wrong with you?|- What do you mean? You "living large" on that vampire.
Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets|you, you're in the wrong line of work.
- Or maybe you like it a little too much.
|- I was getting the job done.
The job is to slay demons, not beat them to|a bloody pulp while their friends corner me! I thought you could handle yourself.
You must realise, Buffy, that you and Faith|have very different temperaments.
And mine's the sane one.
The girl's not playing with a full deck.
|She has almost no deck.
She has a three.
You said yourself that she killed one.
She's just a plucky fighter|who got a little carried away.
Which is natural.
|She's focused on the slaying.
- She doesn't have a life here, as you do.
|- She doesn't need a life.
She has mine.
- I think you're being a little|- No, I'm being a lot.
I know that.
She nearly got us both killed.
|The girl needs help.
All right, I'll see if I can reach|her watcher at the retreat.
They're eight hours ahead now.
|They're probably sitting down to a nightcap.
I wonder if they still kayak.
|I used to love a good kayak.
You see, they don't even consider Sorry, I digress.
|The vampire that attacked you, can you furnish me with some details|that might help me trace their lineage? Ancient or modern dress,|amulets, cultish tattoos? No tats, crappy dressers, and Oh, the one that nearly bit me|mentioned something about kissing toast.
- He lived for kissing toast.
|- You mean Kakistos? Maybe it was taquitos,|Maybe he lived for taquitos, What? Kakistos.
Is that bad? Kakistos is Greek.
|It means the worst of the worst.
It's also the name of a vampire|so old that his hands and feet are cloven.
Now, this guy shows up|two days ago, right? Right around the time my bestest|new little sister makes the scene.
You think he and Faith are connected? Giles, there are two things I don't believe in:|coincidence and leprechauns.
Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both|arrived here by chance simultaneously.
OK, but I was right|about the leprechauns, right? As far as I know.
Good.
OK, you phone England,|I'll talk to Faith, see if khaki trousers rings - Kakistos.
|- .
.
Kakistos rings a bell.
Or an alarm.
- Right.
|- Right.
Hi.
- Scott.
|- How are you? - OK.
I gotta|- Be somewhere else, right? Think of this as my last-ditch effort.
|I realise one more will qualify as stalking.
I've given a lot of thought - some might say|too much - to how I might be part of your life.
It begins with conversation, we all know this.
|Maybe over a cup of coffee, or maybe at the Buster Keaton festival|playing on State Street all this weekend.
You know, come to think of it, I don't think|I've given a fair chance to Buster Keaton.
I like what I've seen of him so far.
|I think it might be time to see a little more.
Keaton is key.
Oh, um, I got you a little present.
A guy in|the retro shop said it represents friendship, and that's something|I'd very much like to have with you.
You like? I can't.
I can't do this.
OK.
I get the message.
Are you all right? Giles, hi.
Uh, yeah I'm fine.
- Did you reach the retreat?|- Yes, I did.
What did her watcher say? Her watcher's dead.
The room's $18 a day.
- That's every day.
|- I'll get it to you by tomorrow, I swear.
It's not like I own the place.
- But I bet you will some day.
|- Not if I listen to broads like you.
- Roommates are extra.
|- I'm just visiting.
So, what brings you to the poor side of town? Cloven guy.
Goes by the name Kakistos.
- What do you know about Kakistos?|- That he's here.
We're not happy to see old friends, are we?|What did he do to you? It's what I did to him, all right? And what was that? Faith, you came here|for a reason.
I can help.
You can mind your own business.
|I'm the one who can handle this.
Yeah.
You're a real bad-ass|when it comes to packing.
What was that you said about my problem?|Gotta deal and move on? Well, you have the moving-on part here.
What|about dealing? You gonna dump that on me? You don't know me, or what I've been|through.
I'll take care of this, all right? Like you took care of your watcher? He killed her, didn't he? They don't have a word for what he did to her.
- Oh, what now?|- Faith, you run, he runs after you.
That's where the head start comes in handy.
Faith I just bought us a little more time.
- Oh, no!|- Scream later! Escape now! Let's go! We're OK.
What happened? Faith, what happened? I was there when he killed my watcher, and I saw what he did to her,|what he was gonna do to me.
I tried to stop him, but I|I couldn't.
And I ran.
Faith, first rule of slaying - don't die.
You did the right thing, OK? You didn't die.
|Now you do the math - one of him, two of us.
Yes.
No.
- This is his place.
|- He drove us here.
Faith! Don't die! Don't! If we don't do something,|the Master could get killed.
Well, our prayers are with him.
There's a reason these vengeance|crusades are out of style.
See, the modern vampire,|we see the big picture.
I guess you need a bigger stake, Slayer! You hungry? Starved.
The Council has approved our request.
Faith is to stay here indefinitely, and I'm to look after you both|until a new watcher is assigned.
Good.
She really came through in the end.
She had a lot to deal with,|but she did it.
She got it behind her.
I'm glad to hear it.
Angel was cured.
I'm sorry? When I killed him, Angel was cured.
Your spell worked at the last minute, Will.
I was about to take him out and, um,|something went through him, and he was Angel again.
He didn't remember anything that he'd done.
He just held me.
But it was it was too late and I had to.
So I told him that I loved him,|then I kissed him, then I killed him.
I don't know if that helps|with your spell or not, Giles.
Yes, I believe it will.
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
I've been holding onto that for so long,|it felt good to get it out.
I'll see you guys later.
Giles, I know you don't like me|playing with mystical forces, but I can really help|with this binding spell.
There is no spell.
Scott Hello.
Hey.
I was waiting for you to get out of class.
Oh.
Why? There was someone a while ago,|and the ring sort of confused me, but I liked what you said about friendship|a lot.
And Buster Keaton, big fun, and I'm capable of big fun, though there's|no way you could know that about me.
Wow, if I knew I was gonna go on this long|I probably would've brought some water.
What I'm trying to say is,|if you'd still like to go to the film festival, and I would understand if you didn't,|I'd pretty much love to go with you.
I don't know, Buffy.
|I'm really gonna have to think about this.
OK, I thought about it and I'm in.
|When do you wanna go? Well, I have one thing that I have to do|tonight, and then I'm good.
Good.
Goodbye.