Faking It (2014) s03e03 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Faking It" Liam: What do you really know about this Dylan guy? What happened to my chill girl from the summer? She's still here.
Just dealing with a friend who hurt her.
I don't like how she hurts you.
- She plays mind games.
- She does not.
Lauren: What about that kiss in the pool? I think you're only with me because you can't be with her.
Let's upload that video.
It's Wednesday noon You're about to swoon Don't fret 'cause soon It's hump day! Giddyup, giddyup, it's hump day Show off your pants Get on your prance Bounce up, get down Do the hump day dance Hump it up Hump it up Hump day dance, whoo! Hump it up, hump it up Hump day dance We have 30,000 views.
We have 30,000 views.
Giddyup, giddyup, it's hump day Before Karma and I became friends, I could've just enjoyed this, but now I feel sorry for her.
Ugh, it's totally spoiling it.
Man, this is excruciating.
I'm gonna flag the video.
- Maybe they'll take it down.
- Okay, you realize you're more upset about this video than your breakup with Zita, don't you? What are you talking about? I'm very upset about our breakup.
Uh-huh, that's why you haven't talked about it at all.
Just admit it; Zita was right.
You're still not over Karma.
I totally am, okay? Zita dumped me because of her own insecurities.
Do I care about Karma? Yes, as a friend.
And this is America, man.
We're still allowed to have those, right? Okay.
Hump it up, hump it up Hump day dance [giggling.]
Wow.
Karma must be mortified.
Giddyup, giddyup, it's hump day Good one, Tommy.
Show off your pants, get on your prance, girl Nice technique, Brenda.
See? That's what I dig about you.
Most girls would be mortified by that video, but you, you just roll with it.
Well, I have you to thank.
That walking meditation you suggested really helped.
That's my fave.
Maybe tonight I can show you some deep breathing techniques.
It's the hump day girl! I'd like that.
So you forgiven Amy? You're not mad at her for leaking this? No, it's all good.
Karma, everyone's talking about your video.
Did you release it yourself for publicity? What? No comment.
What do you say to rumors that Amy leaked it? My official comment is, "It's all good.
" Ooh, hump day! Yeah, yeah, unh! - Hey, girl.
- He's cute.
Head baking, man, I swear.
Here she comes.
This is the angriest I've ever seen her walk before.
Maybe we went too far.
Don't let her play mind games.
Remember, she deserved this.
Yeah, you're right.
What the hell, Amy? How could you do this? Well, you you always said that video was hella awesome.
Yeah, when I was 12.
You were the one that convinced me not to release it.
You said future me would be humiliated.
And guess what.
You were right.
I don't understand.
Why would you do this to me? To you? Why would you lure Amy to the dance floor with your special friendship song just so she could watch you kiss another girl? What? That's not what happened.
Well, I must've imagined it then.
Zita kissed me.
That's believable.
You're the one with the history of using your lips to manipulate Amy.
What are you talking about? That kiss in the pool.
Yeah, Karma, remember that? Let me guess; Amy started that kiss too, because it's never your fault.
Why are you here? And why are we talking about that again? I thought you evolved this summer.
I thought you were over me.
I was.
I I am.
But how's she supposed to stay over you when you keep reeling her back in? That's not what I was doing.
How could you think that? What else am I supposed to think? I told you! - I was drunk.
- Oh.
That's convenient.
You always have excuses for why you're kissing girls.
"Zita kissed me.
I was drunk.
" "I was pretending to be a lesbian to be popular.
" Why are you believing Lauren over me? Can't you see she's trying to make me the villain? Maybe you are the villain! Okay, Amy.
You want a villain? You're gonna get one.
What are you gonna do? Hump us? Shane, I need your help.
Never wear bottom liner.
Makes the eye look smaller.
Not with makeup.
With getting revenge on Amy.
I've been humiliated in six continents, and all I could come up with is putting a hamster in her locker.
You want to cute her to death? No, Amy's terrified of rodents.
She calls Mickey Mouse "The Great Satan.
" Yeah, I don't think I should be involved in this.
I'm Switzerland cool, neutral.
Very expensive.
If you're not taking my side, you're taking her side.
No, no sides.
You're both my friends.
Well, if she's such a great friend, then why did she tell me you can't really pull off a loose tank? - What? - Her words, not mine.
Okay, it's super obvious you're just trying to manipulate me in helping you with your revenge plot.
I'm just telling the truth.
Amy says lots of things about you.
Like, did you know that she thinks Duke is dumber than rocks? She loved Duke.
The way you love a slow puppy.
She has this theory that you only date guys who are less intelligent than you because you can't bear to be challenged, probably stemming from what was it? low self-esteem issues.
See, this is exactly why I don't want to get involved.
Fights between best friends turn ugly quick.
You two know each other's darkest secrets.
That's true; we do.
Thanks for helping, Shane.
What? No! I wasn't helping.
I'm Switzerland! Switzerland.
I'll be subbing your Sustainability class until Ms.
Watt's name is cleared.
There's very little hard evidence that she set the mink factory on fire.
And selfishly, I'm excited, because what you kids learn in here will help you go out into the world one day and have zero impact.
[footsteps.]
Amy, you're late.
There is a seat right there next to Liam.
Okay, everyone, I have placed a bin under your bench.
Get them out.
Filled with things that can't be recycled.
You and your partner must work together to give them new purpose.
A new life, if you will.
Well, I guess we're partners.
What are we gonna do with this? I don't know.
Maybe leak them on the internet? Oh, come on.
Aren't you mad at Karma too? She kissed your girlfriend.
Ex-girlfriend, and Karma didn't kiss Zita.
Zita kissed her.
Wait, what? Yeah, Zita was trying to make me jealous, which didn't work, because I'm so over Karma.
She was telling the truth.
Someone's on a mission.
Let me guess; the deep-fried ice cream truck is back.
I'm looking for Karma.
I have to apologize.
Ooh, Amy, no.
Resist the temptation to forgive.
Jesus wasn't right about everything.
- Zita really did kiss Karma.
- So what? That doesn't explain why Karma kissed you in the pool.
Since I don't have those feelings for Karma anymore, why should it matter? I just want to end this stupid fight.
- Oh, really? - Oh.
- Give it to Tonya.
- Okay.
I have May 13th.
Who has May 14th? I have to know who her mom was with at that cheap motel.
I've got a detailed description of a sex dream she had about Karma.
Available to the highest bidder! Oh, my God.
- Is this - My journal.
Lose something? How could you do something so horrible? Funny question coming from the person who leaked my hump day video.
This was my journal, my private thoughts.
Well, now we're even.
I can't believe I was coming over here to apologize.
You were? [sighs.]
Karma, not only am I no longer in love with you, I no longer want you as a friend.
Well, that makes two of us.
Karma! My office now.
I am extremely disappointed in you, Karma.
I knew you were capable of deceit, but this is a whole new low.
- But Amy started this whole - So it's the victim's fault? Shame, Karma, shame.
I hereby declare you guilty of bullying and even worse, littering.
- But - No.
You have compost detention for a month.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish reading these pages so I can type up my report.
Karma, what's going on? You told me that video didn't faze you, but then you leaked Amy's journal to the whole school? I know it looks bad.
It looks like you've been lying to me.
All summer, I thought we were really connected.
I thought you were like me chill, drama-free.
I was.
I am.
You know the real me.
Amy's the one that came back and started picking these fights.
She's the one trying to drag me down.
Sounds like a bunch of excuses.
No, that's not it at all.
I'm just trying to explain my side of the story.
[gong blares.]
I got to go work on my sustainability project.
[sighs.]
What are you doing? Collecting Amy's journal pages to spare her further humiliation.
Isn't that what you're doing? Totally, and while we're both helping her, why don't you give me a peek at the pages about me, and I'll give you a peek at the pages about you? [gasps.]
What? I'm not reading them.
That's a total violation of her privacy.
Hmm, well, then I guess you aren't interested in Amy's analysis of your daddy issues.
Please.
Amy didn't write about that.
Or did she, Show Pony? [gasps.]
We never tell Amy we did this? Deal.
Once we get to the blow torch, we'll solder together the old circuit boards.
Great, we're setting busted electronics on fire.
- Sounds safe.
- I think you're right.
Your left boob is bigger than your right.
[sighs.]
Don't you have a subreddit to troll, Glen? [bleep.]
, Karma.
Well, hold on.
Hold on.
To be fair, she was just trying to humiliate you the way you humiliated her.
Of course you're defending her, because you still have a thing for her.
Okay, see, you're just projecting onto me because you still have feelings for her.
I do not.
In fact, Karma's dead to me.
I don't give a [bleep.]
what happens to her anymore.
I'm ready to tell my side of the story.
How soon can we do this? I'll have my team start lighting.
Perfect.
[gasps.]
She did think Duke was dumb! Look, "Sometimes I wonder if Shane actively looks for guys who won't challenge him.
" That is crazy accurate.
Yeah, and you dated Tommy for the deep conversations.
- What, what does it say? - Nothing.
"I wish Lauren didn't need Twitter followers to feel validated.
" [laughs.]
She nailed you! You're just jealous that I have followers to validate me.
Oh, look, this is when we outed Theo.
Pirates, cheerleading, ice cream, yada, yada, yada [gasps.]
What? "But what Shane and Lauren don't know" Is? I don't have the next page.
Do you have 172? We have got to find that page.
Dylan is cheating on her.
Someone has to tell Karma.
Mm-mm, not my friend, not my problem.
- You tell her.
- No, I can't.
She'll just think that I'm trying to break them up.
- Aren't you? - No.
But you're right; the messenger always gets shot.
Karma over PA system: I want to apologize to everyone involved.
I feel terrible about my actions.
Having recently been humiliated myself, I understand how painful it can be.
Take us through what happened.
Details aren't really important.
What I most want people to know is, I'm still that relaxed, carefree girl you all came to know and love this summer.
Today was just a blip, an aberration.
But I'm all good now.
This is pathetic.
She's doing this all for Dylan.
I can't believe she's chasing after that douchebag.
You should probably tell her.
What? No, you just said the messenger always gets shot.
Yeah, they do, but if you're over her, who cares? Well, I thought by not telling her, it would show that I was over her.
Actually, not telling her would mean that you are worried about her reaction because you still hope to be with her because you're in love with her.
[laughs.]
Which I am not.
So it's settled.
You'll tell her.
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
Bye.
Vashti: I see you've located some pages about you in Amy's journal.
Have you read them? No, that would be a violation of her privacy.
You leaked them to the whole school.
Again, a crime of passion.
Regrettable, sure, but also completely understandable and relatable and not a sign of my chill character changing.
Vashti: In her journal, Amy has some questions, and, quite frankly, so do I.
Deep down, do you have feelings for her? Karma: [laughs.]
No, I don't.
As a friend, sure.
But I'm straight.
Vashti: Uh-huh, but is it possible you're not as straight as you claim? Excuse me? Well, you did kiss Zita at Liam Booker's bar mitzvah.
Okay, Zita kissed me, as I've explained many times.
But I am not here to make excuses.
I am here to tell my side of the story.
But that's just it.
Your story doesn't add up.
You insist you're straight, but there's a clear pattern of you kissing girls.
You can see why people would Okay, I've had just about enough of these gotcha questions, so this interview is over.
You have to really turn over the compost so the rotting matter gets to the top.
Great.
And try not to kill any worms.
Hey.
I, uh I saw your interview.
You mean the ambush by the mainstream media? Well, it kind of seems like you were doing it just for Dylan.
Well, that's really none of your business.
Look.
I'm worried that Dylan might not be the right guy for you.
Excuse me, but did I ask for your opinion on my relationship? What are the chances my ex-boyfriend doesn't like my new boyfriend? 'Cause you're so unbiased, right? I am not biased.
I'm totally over you.
Yay! I love everyone being over me.
[sighs.]
That came out wrong.
Look, I've had a really horrible day, and I don't think I can handle anything making it worse.
That's the last thing I want to do.
Great.
So we're done here? Kingpin? That's me.
Word on the street is, you have pages.
Yeah, I've got the goods.
Why won't you show your face? Who is this? [gasps.]
Oliver.
Who the [bleep.]
is Oliver? Do you have page 172? This is high-quality stuff.
I'm not just gonna hand it over.
What will you give me? How about you give us all the pages and we don't tell Amy you whack off to her private thoughts like a psycho? I-I accept these terms.
I've got it.
"What Shane and Lauren don't know "is that they're cut from the same cloth.
They fight it, but they're destined to be best friends.
" both: She has no clue what she's talking about.
Hey, let me give you a hand with that, uh, really big computer.
It's a bench.
Let me help you with the bench.
I hate to see a lady in distress.
Oh, 'cause you're a real prince.
I know about you and Stevie.
Look, I don't give a crap about Karma, but speaking for women everywhere, if you're gonna screw around, why don't you just break up with her? Break up with me? Is this your new retaliation? [sighs.]
Are you gonna tell her? Well, Stevie and I were assigned this project together, and, um, one thing lead to another, and we kissed.
What? Hey, come on.
You know you and I haven't been vibing lately.
Since this morning.
I'm just saying things were getting complicated, and I don't know if I see a future for us.
Are you [bleep.]
kidding me? You're not the girl I met this summer.
Yes, I am! I'm also the girl who got really hurt by her best friend, and I have feelings about it.
And I'm sorry if they're too messy for you, but things can't be all good all the time.
- Babe - Don't "babe" me.
[soft pop music.]
Go be with Stevie if she's the chill girl you're looking for.
We're done.
She kind of overreacted.
Oh, go fall in a volcano, you moron.
And don't let your grass skirt get caught in the door on your way out! Amy Raudenfeld, stop hurling insults at the Hawaiian people.
You just earned yourself compost duty with Karma.
[sighs.]
Ew! Oh, ew, ew, ew, ew, yuck! Don't bother.
Red looks good on you.
It's the color of betrayal.
Well, good.
Then maybe you should have some too, because you certainly know all about betraying.
[gasps.]
Me? I can't believe you weren't going to tell me that Dylan was cheating.
Oh! I'm sorry.
Did you think I owed you anything after you leaked my journal? At least I didn't abandon my best friend and then just assume she's the worst person in the world after she forgave you for sleeping with her ex-boyfriend, because that's what you did! That is because you forced me to kiss you over and over again, and then you rejected me.
Because I'm straight! Oh! Are you sure about that? Because you had a real hard time answering Vashti's questions.
- Amy - No, come on.
Admit it.
Either you're playing mind games, or there's a small part of you that wanted to kiss me.
- Amy, stop.
- No, I want answers! Amy, stop! There's a rat in there.
Ew, a rat.
[shrieking.]
- Okay! - Trap it! Trap it! Trap it! I'm trying.
You have to get off my back.
Oh.
Ooh.
[both exclaim.]
[both breathing heavily.]
Oh, sweet Bloody Mary.
You saved me from the rat.
I saved myself.
I don't exactly love them.
Liam told me that you didn't kiss Zita.
I really didn't.
[sighs.]
You know, I had to ask myself if I evolved, then why did it hurt so bad to see you kiss her? When you gonna live your life right? Why did that bring me right back to that shallow end of the pool? Girls, they wanna have fun Oh, girls Maybe I'm not 100% over you, and maybe there's a part of me that never will be.
The phone rings And maybe I kissed you in the pool because What you gonna do with your life? Oh, Daddy dear Maybe a small part of me does want you to be in love with me.
But girls, they wanna 'Cause it feels good.
Oh, girls just wanna I know; it's so selfish.
That's all they really want Some fun I don't want to keep hurting you, Amy.
Day is done, oh, girls They wanna have fun But I don't know how to be your friend without hurting you.
Just wanna have fun I don't know either.
[sighs.]
You two are free to go.
My mother said You're sitting together.
Does this mean you guys worked it out? Oh, Mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones And girls, they wanna have fun Oh, girls just wanna have fun