Home Economics (2021) s03e03 Episode Script

Good morning, Lupe.
I would not go in there if I were you.
Your family, they are
everywhere, like locusts.
Oh, come on, have a heart.
Sarah and Denise had a flood.
Tom and Marina had a fire.
Yes, a flood, a fire.
I worry God does not like these people.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Did you eat all my steel-cut oats?
Of course not. No, I just
I used it to make oat milk.
It's the creamiest of the non-dairies
Super good in coffee,
which you now need to get more of.
No big deal. I'll just hit the gym.
Wow, that's really loud.
- What?
- Nothing.
You know what? I'll just
I'll come back later.
Oh, no, thanks. I already had coffee.
Okay.
Also, I think I broke your massage gun.
Shh.
Sorry. Guess I'll just
Shh.
- Uh, hey, little bro.
- Seriously?
I'm doing a writing sprint.
Working on a short story
about a Belgian cobbler
Ow.
Yeah, I know how you feel.
Shh.
Careful if you go upstairs.
The twins fell asleep on your bed.
- Aw.
- Isn't that adorable?
- So adorable.
- Mm.
So fun you guys are here
Like, literally in, like, every room.
Yeah, uh, I was going to ask,
can we stay a couple more days?
I mean, they say the smoke's all gone,
but I have a very sensitive sniffer.
No problem.
Of course.
Also, can you lay off the cologne?
'Cause of the Yeah.
Did you see that?
Tom totally sat in my spot.
And Marina is using
my favorite Snoopy mug.
Guess it's just an adjustment, you know,
getting used to other people
in your space.
Yes, your space.
She's right.
We're being almost as bad
as Tom and Marina.
- Yeah, but not as bad.
- No.
No way.
You know, Connor
has been such a great host.
I feel like we should
I don't know Get him something.
Oh, that's a great idea.
We have to figure out
what to get the guy
who has everything
Except for a Snoopy mug,
because I'm keeping that.
- I think I saw two.
- Really?
Yeah.
Ooh, there she is
The woman so hot,
she burned down her house.
Yeah, yeah, okay,
it wasn't the whole house.
It was just the curtains
and then eventually the wall.
Well, be careful.
If you and Tom burn down this
place with another sex fire,
none of us will have a place to stay.
Well, between you and me, it
wasn't technically a sex fire
because we didn't actually,
you know, do it, sex-wise
Well, I guess a fire
would ruin the mood.
That's just it.
We never used to need a mood.
We'd just do it.
But, lately
I guess I've just been so busy
with work and the kids.
Well, this happens to everybody
who's been married this long.
Sarah and I had a dry spell last year.
We went down to, like, twice a week.
Oh, wait, you're serious.
Tom and I haven't, you know, in months.
Oh, you're serious?
Months? Plural?
Okay, yeah, I think
I'm sure that's fine.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Totally fine.
- Mm-hmm.
I've just been so busy
with the book and the kids.
But it's just a dry spell, right?
- It's no big deal.
- No, it's a big deal, Tom.
I mean, the same thing happened
to me and Emily.
Right before the divorce,
we were down to, like, twice a week.
Oh, wait, you're serious?
Are you and Marina getting a divorce?
What? No.
I can't handle that, Tom.
I can't do brunch
at two different places.
Just tell me.
Hey, be honest with me. Was it my fault?
Is it What? No.
Look, okay, everything's fine
between me and your sister-in-law.
Nobody's getting divorced.
There's nothing to worry about.
- I feel so much better.
- Great.
I'm glad you feel better.
They haven't done it in weeks?
No, months.
- Don't say anything.
- No, of course not.
- You know me.
- Yes, yes, I do.
- Yeah, I won't say anything.
- Okay.
Ooh, she's here. It's so exciting.
First sleepover with a new friend.
And you were worried Shamiah
wasn't going to fit it
at Windmount.
Bye, Mrs. La Croix. I had a great time.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.
Oh, we missed you.
I missed you, too.
Your daughter is fabulous.
Oh, yeah, she's all right.
- So it went well? I'm so glad.
- It was fabulous.
Shamiah and Kinsey had a blast.
Zara, did you make these?
Guilty.
Wow, they're beautiful.
Oh, it's just
my little hobby, but I love it.
So do the parents at Windmount.
They buy them faster
than I can make them.
Oh.
This is what we should get Connor.
That's a great idea.
How much are these?
'Cause we would love to get one
for my brother.
That would be fabulous!
I usually charge 21,
but since our daughters
are clearly besties,
I'll give you the friends
and family discount of 18.50.
Amazing. Yes, we'll do it.
These two have homes already,
but I have a fresh one coming
out of the kiln this afternoon.
Fabulous.
Hey you.
Hey guy.
- Sorry.
- No, that's okay.
Whoo. Uh, what are you doing
around these parts?
Sarah asked me to help her
wrap a gift for Connor.
For Connor? She asked me the same thing.
- Uh, really?
- That's weird.
Yeah, that is weird.
I'm a wrapping machine.
You're all crooked paper
and visible tape lines.
Thomas, Marina, you're right on time.
Why don't you have a seat?
Denise told me what Marina said
about your issues in the bedroom.
- Oh, my
- You told Denise?
I am so sorry.
And I never said "issues."
Wow, I'm shocked.
And, honestly, I feel a little betrayed.
Tom, Connor told me what you
said about your issues, too.
Yeah, no, I definitely
should've seen that coming.
You told Connor?
Why don't you just tell Lupe, too?
Trust me, if Connor knows,
Lupe definitely knows.
I understand why you
didn't come to me first, okay?
It can be really intimidating
opening up to a therapist.
Not the reason.
But the important thing is,
you're here now.
Hey, could I use my office?
I do actually work.
Oh, we're we're
in the middle of a session.
- Ooh, the sex stuff?
- The no-sex stuff.
Okay, is it possible to die
of embarrassment?
I hope so.
So who wants to go first?
Yeah, I think we're good.
Thanks.
As fun as ambush therapy sounds
Fine, walk out that door,
but you're going to be right
back to where you started
Anxious, consumed with doubt, wondering,
"Will I ever recapture
that spark we once had?"
Yep.
Look, guys, this doesn't have
to be weird, all right?
We're all grown-ups.
We know that sex
is about intimacy and honesty
and, above all, communication.
That's where I come in.
- Makes sense, I guess.
- Okay.
Now, why don't you take me
through a typical night
of your lovemaking,
from arousal to completion?
- Okeydoke.
- Yeah, okay, bye-bye.
Wait, but I-I didn't even get
to bring out the puppets.
I told you not to say anything.
I don't want to talk about it.
They're obviously just not
ready to put in the work.
Your friend is here.
Knock, knock. Vase delivery.
How fun The guests have guests.
That is gorgeous. Connor will love it.
Thank you so much for bringing it over.
You said it was $18.50?
You know what?
I think I love you guys
and your fabulous daughter,
so let's just say $1,800 even.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- Oh
Wait, what?
- 1,800?
- Dollars?
Unless euros are easier.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
dollars are equally easy, Denise.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I don't think
I have that much on me.
I bought diamonds earlier.
Just give it to me whenever.
I should go. I have to take
my cat to swim lessons.
- Bye.
- Bye!
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
What are we going to do?
I don't even have $18 in here.
I just have a $5 and some Altoids.
$1,800?
That's, like, the whole baby jar.
I mean, we wouldn't even have
a baby jar.
We would have a vase as a baby.
I don't want a ceramic baby!
Where do these rich moms get off,
charging so much for a hobby?
We cannot pay $1,800 for a vase, okay?
We have to return it.
Oh, he's coming. Here, hide it.
There's no room in any of these.
Take it, take it, take it.
- Don't throw it.
- Come on, come on.
Can I get in there?
Game's on. I wanted to grab some chips.
- I ate them all the chips.
- Mm-hmm.
They're gone, sorry.
Oh. Well, I'll just get some pretzels.
Those are gone, too. I ate 'em.
It's my fault. With my beer
I needed them with my beer,
which is also gone.
Okay.
- Chex Mix?
- Mm-mm.
Fiddle Faddle? Paleo Puffs? Ding Dongs?
Nutri-Grain Bars? KIND Bars? CLIF BARS?
- PowerBars?
- We love granola.
- Power Crunch bars?
- We ate all of it.
We ate all of it, all of it.
Beef jerky? Teriyaki jerky?
Buffalo jerky? Turkey jerky?
- It's gone. It's gone, yeah.
- Yeah, all the jerky.
So there's nothing
in the kitchen for me to eat?
Altoid?
Okay.
We pulled that off.
- Yes.
- Wow.
Oh, look at us
Should have savored it.
How now, brown cow?
Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
When Tom and Sarah told us
the whole family was staying over,
we thought it would be fun to swing by.
- Didn't they tell you?
- Why tell me?
It's just my house.
Why do you have a suitcase?
Oh, we thought it'd be
more fun to stay the night.
- Everybody else is.
- Mm.
Also, we were halfway
through watching "Pam & Tommy,"
and our free Hulu trial expired.
How about this?
I will get you guys a new Hulu
subscription at your house.
Oh, I don't know.
This just seems easier.
- Mm.
- I'll tell you what
I'll just park the bag
in the guest room,
and then we can get our binge on, huh?
Oh, and you're welcome to join us,
but I got to warn you
It's a little blue.
Mm, yeah.
No, I think I'll just, uh, go
for a drive.
Oh, hey, uh, Con, I think
I may have blocked you in.
Then I'm going for a walk.
No one can take away walking!
Bring a sweater.
Everyone is making such a big deal
about a little intimacy problem.
I wouldn't even call it a problem.
- We've just been busy.
- So busy.
I mean, it's not
like we can't you know.
We can totally "you know."
We could "you know" anytime.
Anytime.
We could "you know" right now.
We could absolutely right now.
So what if my whole family's outside?
- Doesn't bother me.
- Me neither.
Okay.
Uh
I guess we're doing this.
Hells, yeah, if you're in the mood.
If I'm in the mood? Oh, yeah, I'm
Way in the mood.
Yeah, me too. I'm all horned up.
All right.
Okay.
This is really doing it for me.
Can I take off the other shoe?
It's messing with my balance.
- Of course.
- All right.
- You can't return it.
- Look, we have to.
Do know how embarrassing that will be?
I understand, but if she's
your friend, she will get it.
Have you met a teen girl before?
I'm sorry, but we just can't afford it.
Connor was so excited to see us.
We should visit more often.
Oh, my God.
No! Anyone but you!
Yeah, good luck returning that now.
I don't think my parents saw that much.
We weren't really doing anything
Please stop talking.
Maybe we could return the vase to Zara
for, like, a few dollars per shard.
Shh, shh, shh.
I really don't care for sushi.
Me neither, but we have
to keep eating to be polite.
Is there any sushi left?
Oh, there's some edamame shells.
Oh, great.
Guess I'm eating ginger!
Okay.
Looks like it falls on me
to break the tension.
Dad, could I beg you not
to say what you're about to
- No, you may not.
- Okay.
I know everyone feels uncomfortable,
but there's no need.
What Tom and Marina were
attempting
is a natural part of
any loving relationship.
Marshall.
I'm just saying I, for one,
think the human body
is pretty darn amazing.
Dad.
So, as Tommy Lee said to Pamela Anderson
before the world, in a way,
walked in on them
- Dad, please don't.
- That's not okay.
We're trying to eat.
Tom and I are going to go
and get some more wine.
- Oh, there's some here.
- Not enough.
And we are going to go
look for some superglue.
Yes, for totally normal reasons.
Hmm. Why are you not spending
time with your amazing family
that you love?
Just needed some space
and some nuggets.
Yes, you should eat nuggets
in the driveway
while they steal your sushi.
Come on, it's not that simple.
Yes, it is.
Kick them out.
At least let me do it.
Please let me do it. I want to do it.
But I'm the host.
Tom's the You know, the smart one.
Sarah's the good one.
And I'm the guy who has this big house
that everyone gets to use.
I understand.
Ow!
- What was that for?
- For being ridiculous.
People love you for more than
your house and your money.
How do you know?
Because I am standing
here talking to you
and I have been off the clock
for 15 minutes.
Setting limits doesn't mean
you care less for your family.
It means you care enough to be honest.
- Thanks, Lupe.
- Mm.
That's deep.
You know, my boy Alex
actually gave a TED Talk
Stop. 15 minutes is enough.
See?
Limits.
Hmm.
I don't know.
They all look the same to me.
Did you find anything good?
Oh, I decided on one ten minutes ago.
I'm just not ready to go back up there.
Me neither.
I'm sorry, Tom.
For what? They're my family.
No, not for that,
for what's going on with us,
or what's not going on It's my fault.
What are you talking about?
It's totally my fault.
I've been putting
so much pressure on it.
Oh. Me too. First, I thought I was busy.
But then it was a month
and then two months,
and now I'm just I'm in my head.
Yeah, I was like, "Is it a problem?"
I was like, "Is it problem
because I think it's a problem?"
And then everything just got
so weird and and awkward
and and weird.
And I just said "weird" twice.
Look, let's just
Let's take all the pressure
out of it, you know?
What if we, uh, took it off the table?
- Take sex off the table?
- For a little while.
Then we don't have to think about it
or think about thinking about it.
We could just relax.
I'd like that.
Come here.
- We love each other.
- Mm.
That's what's important.
Frequency doesn't prove anything.
Yeah, I mean, who cares
if it's once a month?
- Or once a year?
- Once a decade?
Whoa, let's not let's
Come on, let's be reasonable.
And done.
What do you think?
Are we returning it to her in the dark?
I think it could work.
You just have to be positive.
Okay.
What was that?
Uh, it was nothing.
Nothing at all.
It was supposed to be
a gift to say thank you,
but then Shamiah's friend's mom
tricked us into buying
a really expensive vase,
and then we broke it,
and so now we don't have any money,
and we also don't have
a present for you.
Or that. It was also that.
Wait, who, Zara?
She was always bugging me
to buy one of these things.
This is actually perfect.
Let me pay for it.
You want to buy your own gift
that's broken?
The real gift is the thought
and the fact this mom will stop
bugging me about buying a vase.
What do I owe her?
Uh, 18.
Thousand?
That's kind of steep.
Hundred.
Oh, seriously? That's kind of a steal.
This worked out great. Thanks.
Wow.
Oh, I'm so relieved.
Aren't you relieved?
Why don't you look relieved?
Lulu, we almost got
financially wiped out
by a vase.
Well, yeah, but it's over now.
No, it's not. There's always
going to be another vase.
Why would there be another vase?
Oh, it's a metaphor
for unexpected expenses.
Sorry, go on.
We can't even keep up as it is.
It's going to be even harder
with a baby.
Yeah, we don't want Connor to
have to bail us out every time.
We don't just need money to have a baby.
We need money to raise it.
We need a bigger baby jar.
- I thought we were so close.
- I know.
Come here.
Okay, so what we need to do
is just figure out a way
to make a little more money.
I mean, the school is looking
for a new coach
for the debate team.
I am really good at arguing.
You're not that good at arguing.
Excuse me, I am very good at arguing.
Okay, now I see what you're doing.
So I tell this guy
if he raises our fire-insurance premium,
I'm going to take our home,
auto, and term-life policies
and go elsewhere.
I thought we didn't have term life.
We don't. I was just making it up.
I was riffing. It was like jazz.
Anyway, saved us $14 a month, so
Honey, nice job.
Oh, this is so boring,
and I'm so relieved
to not be talking about sex.
Me too.
A weight has been lifted, right?
You know, the new garbage bins
are arriving on Wednesday.
Yeah, I hear they
have self-locking lids.
Mm-hmm.
And the water tank stopped
making that noise.
Cool, I'll, uh I'll
cancel the plumber.
Mm.
Oh, I cleaned the A.C. filters.
- Mm.
- Right.
Oh, look who's staying together.
Oh, they're glowing.
- You look great.
- So glad I could help.
Get your freak on.
Okay, I don't know which is worse
When they were all worried we weren't
or now that they're happy we did.
We can never talk to these people again.
- Right.
- Hey, proud of you, bud.
Well, Tom, Marina,
I'm happy my wine cellar
was good to you.
And, Mom, Dad, I am obviously thrilled
- that you finished "Pam & Tommy."
- Thank you.
Did you know they were based
on real people?
- That can't be right.
- Yeah.
But, unfortunately,
this endless brunch is over.
It's time for everyone to leave,
except for Sarah and Denise.
They actually don't have anywhere to go.
- Thank you so much.
- It was the vase.
Uh-huh.
Sorry, man, we totally understand.
No, I can read between the lines.
Mm, no lines, just telling you to leave.
Connor, you were so nice
to let us all stay.
I mean, we just all
descended on you like
- Locusts.
- Yes, thank you, Lupe.
Felt like you had that one ready.
Sweetie, giving you your space back
is the least we can do.
Consider us gone.
Thanks, everyone.
All right, you know, just
take it away from me, please.
This is what you want.
Yes, thank you.
Any more waffles?
It would be weird to have
a croissant and a frittata.
- Tom.
- Oh, you mean now?
Okay, yeah.
Hey, Connor.
Uh, we felt really bad
about messing up your gift.
- So we got you this.
- It's a handmade coupon book.
So each one is good for
one hour of total alone time.
Just give us one of those
anytime you want us
out of your hair.
And we will give you all
the space that you need.
Oh, you want to use them all right now.
Let's go.
This is, like, 17 hours.
Guess you got 17 hours to fill.