House Husbands (2012) s03e03 Episode Script

1 You found our son without consulting me? How is that OK? It was an accident, Belle.
I didn't know it'd turn out the way it did.
How do you accidentally track down your child? Our child.
I'll put the kettle on.
And then you go and scare him off.
Nobody forced you to get on a plane from London.
Yeah, well somebody had to explain this whole stuff-up to Lucy.
I'm guessing you didn't.
Good guess.
- How long are you here for? - Two days.
Hopefully long enough to build a bridge with Lucy.
She was really upset on the phone.
Where is she? She's moved in with Justin.
I can take either tomorrow.
Oh, only if it's no trouble.
Of course not.
That'll be the taxi.
- Who called a cab? - I did.
I figured Belle might be an early night after her flight.
Lewis.
I'll take this for you.
Thanks.
48 hours.
We can manage that.
She's your ex, Lewis.
She's not the gastro virus.
You don't know Belle like I do.
She has always got some other agenda.
You're just defensive because you stuffed up again.
Whose side are you on? I am on hers.
How was I not clear about that? Wetting the bed three times a week, something is upsetting him.
I don't know what.
Maybe it's me.
Moving in.
It's hard for him.
- Gaby.
- Court sits at 10 and I still don't have the briefing documents for our barrister.
They are on their way.
Everything is up to date and bound.
- Red ribbons? - Red ribbons.
Quarter inch.
- Don't roll your eyes.
- I'm not.
As solicitors, we are paid to what? Sweat the details.
Right.
I expect a little more sweat.
I'll see you at nine.
You didn't graduate was cool to tie ribbons.
Hey, did you wash my white shirt? I've got to go to the pub for 10 min.
- Yes.
- I didn't graduate law school to wash your shirts either.
I'll talk to Zac on the way to school.
It's not you.
Two wives, Lewis.
Living the dream.
I should never have let them hook up.
You can bet that Bell's trash talking me to Gemma.
- Ah, she's a good judge of character them.
- Shut up, Kane.
We are shut, mate.
- Hey, Charlie.
Come in.
- Hey.
- How is the car? - Yeah, it's fine.
It just needs an oil change and a wheel balance.
I'll have it back to you this arvo.
Great.
This is Lewis.
This is Justin, this is Kane.
- Charlie Cole, Mia's dad.
- G'day.
Also the best mechanic on the side of Power Street.
And the president of the Nepean South Red Devils.
Oh, Great.
A footy legend.
I am not worthy.
Nice to meet you, mate.
Oh, and yeah, it's just a Dad's league, by the way.
5 a side.
But, we play hard, party hard too.
Which is why we are now the official sponsor of the Nepean South Red Devils.
We are? Yeah, there is the rest of it.
And let's not forget the cheque.
Cheers.
If you have any car trouble, fellas.
I'm your man.
There you go Justin.
Thanks.
Alright then, I'll see you after the game.
See you then.
So, we are corporate sponsors now? How much is that costing us? 2000.
$4000 if you count the bar tab.
What are you doing here, mum? I just spoke to you and you were in London.
You deserve an explanation face to face.
Zac wet the bed.
Zac wet the bed - Jacob! - Zac wet the bed.
Where is their dad? I'd like to meet this 'Jason'.
- Justin.
- Justin.
- He's at the pub.
- He's in partnership with Lewis.
Oh, we've all made that mistake.
- Yaay! - Shh.
Sorry about all of the chaos, Zac is leading man in the local ballet recital.
Oh.
I remember your first ballet recital, Lucy.
Yeah.
You were at an IT workshop.
Oh, God, yeah.
That's right.
I must've seen the video.
But I wanted to be there.
- Well I might push off.
Yeah.
- Oh.
I've got a half-day, so if you feel like some lunch although you're probably busy.
- No, not busy.
It's a date.
- Great.
You shouldn't have found out about your brother like this.
Your father and I had a pact, not to tell anybody about it.
- So this is all Dad's fault? - And mine.
- I never wanted to lie to you.
- And still you did.
- Look - Botty-botty Lucy.
I'll be back.
A lunch date? I had visions of you and Bell with pistols at twenty paces.
Nah, I feel sorry for her.
You know, having to clean up - Lewis's mess.
- Her mess too.
Yeah, but at least she admits it.
Not like Lewis.
He doesn't really do apologies.
He's old school.
They lock stuff up.
He just needs to get in touch with his feminine side.
- Like Mark.
- Mark's not feminine.
He's very manly.
And aggressive.
- Like when? - Like when I don't rinse the milk cartons out for recycling.
I've never seen Mark angry.
That's why everyone here's like "What's he doing with her?" "Her" being me? You're not mean.
Or bossy, or controlling, or scary.
It's just that Mark's extra nice.
Run.
Great pub.
Come on ladies.
Come to The Mill.
Come to The Mill.
- Always welcome.
- Gaby, I promise.
This is the last time.
You really should stand up to her, you know.
- They don't pay me enough for that.
- Lucy, I hate seeing you like this.
Come on, let me take a load off.
I'll cook tonight.
- Something simple.
- You can't cook.
Lucy, just give me a chance.
OK, come over after Zac's ballet rehearsal tonight.
I'm not going.
Hey.
What's up, mate? He said I'm a girl.
He called me a pansy.
Is that why you've been upset? - Are you being bullied? - Yeah.
The best way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them.
And you walk right up to them, and you whack 'em in the nose.
OK? - OK.
- W-w-wait.
She's only joking.
It's never OK to hit anyone.
- Oh, really? Since when? - This is not gonna end good.
- That kid's much bigger than he is.
- Uh, Lucy Ooh, and he's even bigger.
Um, sorry.
Are you OK? This was totally out of character.
- Zac wouldn't hurt a fly.
- Tell that to Mr Cole.
Um, Ms Libby? He kinda deserved it.
He called the kid a pansy.
He's a bully.
Hi.
They said Zac was involved in a fight.
Is he alright? - He's fine, mate.
- His victim's a bit tender though.
Mum! - You're Bell.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Nepean South has zero tolerance towards fighting, no matter what the circumstances.
- Who did he hit? - Charlie Cole.
Mia's dad.
Zac hit the footy guy? It wasn't entirely Zac's fault.
He may have taken some parental advice the wrong way.
So, someone told him to hit Charlie? What kind of idiot would do that? Seriously, what kind of an adult bullies a kid? What kind of an adult tells a kid to punch someone? Hey.
You OK, mate? What did Mr Cole say to you? He said only girls dance.
I'm a pansy.
I should play footy like you, Dad.
Well, you're not a pansy.
Ignore him.
That's what we do with bullies, OK? Even grown-up bullies who need to be taught a lesson.
- But you said - Mate, she was wrong.
OK? She made a mistake.
Back to class, come on.
Go on.
Say it.
I'm a crap mother, or guardian, babysitter.
What am I again? You're over-tired.
- And I'm late.
- Is everything alright with those two? Couples argue.
Are you telling me we never did? Yeah, but we split up.
Is this really what you want for her, Lewis? I mean, she's not even their mother.
Bell, that's none of our business.
We don't need to get involved.
I'm not.
I have a lunch date.
With your wife.
Since when have you two been friends? Let's just take a deep breath and shake it out, OK? We could lose a $2000 sponsorship deal over this! - You know what? I'll cover it.
- With what? Your diamond mine? - Look, are you in or out? - I'm out.
We are not the dirty dozen.
There is a better way to handle this.
- Oh, hey mate! - G'day! Hey, where do you get off calling my son a girl? Oh, come on.
You know kids.
They say all kinds of crap.
No, I didn't bring up my boys to be liars.
Just pansies in tutus.
- What did you say? - OK, look.
I think we can sort this out, OK? Let's just - be cool.
- Yeah, guys.
Just you should listen to the corporate monkey.
You should.
This corporate monkey wants his car back.
Yeah, um.
It's a shame about that.
The starter motor's stuffed.
- Oh, really? - We should have it back to you in a few weeks, I reckon.
And you.
Justin Baynie.
What happened to you, huh? From footy champ to ballet mum? You know, it's no wonder that Zac's such a sook.
Hey, tough guy.
Last time I checked, it was Zac one, you zero.
And, hey, our agreement? You can shove that right up your arse.
Let's go, boys.
And I want my car back at some point.
Woah, what just happened? Mark just cost us $2000.
$4000, if you count the bar tab.
Hey.
- Hey.
Have you got the keys? - Oh, actually I didn't pick up the car - so it might be a bit longer.
- Why? Long story.
Hey, could you give this to Clare? - Who's Clare? - She's just the radiographer.
The one that you always yell at, and you made cry that time.
- You made her cry? - I don't even remember who she is! She's Emma's mum, they do ballet together.
She asked em to make this skirt for the concert.
I mean, she's not much on the sewing, so it wasn't a big deal.
So, another person who wonders why - you're with me? - What? According to Ryan, everyone thinks you're too lovely to be with me.
- Really? - It's not a good thing.
- Oh, no.
No.
Course not.
- This needs to change.
No, I like the fact that you're bolshie.
You don't need to change.
Not me, you.
You need to mean up.
What's the perfect gift that says 'sorry for lying to you your entire life?' Oh, well.
.
Lucy loves clothes, so you're on the right track.
Thank you so much for helping me.
You know, maybe this could be from the both of us.
Two mums.
- Oh, this? - I think that's a bit young.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Sometimes I forget she's not still that awkward little thing in braces.
Time flies, huh? M-hm.
You know, the last time I say you, you were getting your auction website up and running.
Oh, yeah, scrimper.
com.
It's my baby my other baby.
My other other baby.
Lucy would love that.
Really? I'll take your word for it.
You know, don't beat yourself up over the past.
You know, Lucy came to live with us cos she was 15 and I guess, just needed a change.
Yeah, no.
I know.
We were always butting heads.
She was over 'alpha-mum' and I just rev higher than most people.
I think we can do better.
I'm not playing footy.
You want to smash Charlie, don't you? Yeah, of course.
Then do it on the footy field.
It's the perfect crime.
Mate, I hung up my boots.
I'm not putting them back on to run around with a bunch of middle-aged hacks.
Hey, no offense.
- Oh, none taken.
- We'd make a great team.
- I'm not doing it.
- Come on.
It's for Zac.
It's what you do for your kids.
You never let them down.
Dad? What? Can't a bloke just drop in and see where his daughter works? Sure.
I'm not much good at apologies, Lucy.
Are you apologising? I'm saying I know how difficult it must have been for you to find out you've had a brother all this time.
Why did you keep me, but give him up? When Ned was born, your mother and I were in a bad place.
Then we sorted that out.
Then you came along and by then, I guess we were ready to have a family.
It would have been good to know this a long time ago.
We were just trying to protect you.
That's what parents are supposed to do.
Is it? I don't know if I'm cut out for this parent thing.
You and the rest of us.
The trick is to be there for your family.
The rest of it will take care of itself.
I've been offered a new job.
- Good on ya.
- In New York.
They wanna fly me out in a week.
It's a law firm I've never heard of.
The called just before, out of the blue.
It's weird, huh? Save some for the pot! Oh! Jemma's teaching me how to make casserole.
New York? You got one of your lawyer mates to offer Lucy a job.
Lucy's going to New York? Ask the puppet master.
Lewis.
It's ok.
He's right.
Lucy is drowning in a sea of textas and ribbons.
And that's just her work.
Then there's the whole issue of raising another woman's child.
I'm just trying to help.
By forcing her and Justin apart? By giving her a leg up.
You should be supporting me on this, Lewis.
After all the trauma you've put her through, it's the least you can do.
Lucy needs to know that this is a set up.
You need to tell her.
He doesn't need to tell her anything.
It's an incredible opportunity.
She's a grown up, let her decide.
Bottoms up.
Wow! New York! Congratulations.
Thanks.
No idea why they'd offer me a job.
Oh, rubbish! You're amazing.
And do you know what the best part is? It's only a six-hour flight to London.
So we'll be able to see each other a bit more.
Oh, there'll be shopping trips, restaurants.
I know some great places.
Great.
Oh, I am so proud of you.
Bell.
Mum's made dinner.
Oh, smells like Gemma's.
Really? Join us.
Sorry, I've got to get back to the late shift.
Do you have any clean shirts? Oh! Tell him.
Tell me what? - I've been offered a job in New York.
- No way, - Headhunted.
- Baby, that's incredible news.
- Obviously you can't do it.
- Wow, thank you for - the vote of confidence.
- No, no no.
That came out - the wrong way.
- You think? - I should go.
- Oh, no Mum.
You stay.
Justin's just passing through.
I don't wanna cage the bird.
Maybe I should just let her go to New York.
You know, 'fly bird, fly' and all that? Right? No! Not right.
You can't let her fly.
- You'll want her here.
- On the ground.
- She'll come back.
- No she won't.
It's called flying the coop.
She'll meet some new bird, probably some legal eagle With a bigger beak.
- Maybe.
- And she'll build a new nest over there.
And all you'll have left are broken eggshells.
Shattered.
Mate, have you slept? I gotta go finish the food for the ballet recital.
Working hard? Always.
Do you want to Stella and Finn to stay at our place tonight? - It's getting late.
- Thanks, I owe you.
Hey.
I'm happy to have your kids whenever you like but you can't cook away the pain forever.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm fine.
There's just a lot to do.
How much of this was Bell? The wine.
Come on.
This is where you admit that I was spot on about Bell.
I told you, she's always up to something.
Lucy needs to know that Bell set up that job.
She's been told enough lies already.
You're right.
I'll tell her.
Oi.
This whole mess, with Ned and Bell and all the secrets and bugger it.
Anything else I've done.
I'm Y'know, I'm I'm sorry.
I love your casserole.
- Alright, turn off the iPad.
- I'm not ready yet.
- Jacob! - Yes, you are.
- Bed! - Zac had it for ages.
- No, I haven't.
- No.
Bed, both of you.
It's bed time.
I'm not gonna ask you again! - It's Jacob! He's - Guys! It's bed-time.
I'm closing the door now.
Closing it now.
Sleep.
- Dad! - Hi darlin'.
- Everything alright? - Bedtime.
- Justin's at the pub.
- Yeah, I know.
I gotta keep going.
Um, Gaby's got me highlighting precedents in green.
Pink is too angry and blue gives her a migraine.
Has to be light green.
Lucy, your mother No! Oh! She has to sleep.
I haven't got any work done.
I love the kids but, it'd be nice to just have a night off.
Um, what were you gonna say about Mum? She borrowed our casserole dish and you know what Gemma's like, she wants it back.
Cheers.
Hey, do you think I'm mean enough? Abby thinks I make her look bad cos I'm not mean enough.
Oi.
What are they doing here? Leave it to me, Mark.
Five pots, put it on the tab.
There is no tab, thank you.
Our agreement says different.
Sponsorship deal's over.
You signed a contract, remember? Well, why don't we sort it out on the oval tomorrow? We've got a football team now, don't we? Yep.
And we're mean.
- You're mean? - Oh, yeah.
What? Are you called the 'Mean Pansies' or something? The Torpedoes, actually.
- Oh, you're playing? - Yeah, I am.
Wow.
You win, you keep the bar tab.
You lose, you give us back the $2000.
What I meant to say was congratulations.
Hearing New York kinda, kinda freaked me out.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
I should have told you before I told Mum.
This kind of stuff's important to her, that's all.
It's dumb, but I want her to be proud of me.
She should be proud.
I always knew you'd go places.
Maybe not as far as New York.
Chance of a lifetime.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
What if he hears us? Come back.
You'll wake Dad.
Boys.
Did it happen again, mate? - Yeah.
- Shut up.
- Idiot pansy! - Hey, woah, woah.
It's OK.
No it's not.
This is all your fault.
- Zac, that's not true.
- She told me to hit Mr Cole.
The whole school saw and now everyone's teasing me for doing ballet.
Hey.
You know what's going to happen tomorrow? What? I'm gonna kick Mr Cole's hairy bum on the footy field.
- Really? - Will you come and watch? You bet.
OK.
Let's get you back to bed.
Come on.
Not you! I just want you, Dad.
Oh, look out! Rank amateurs coming through, fellas! Son of a - So rough! - They were bigger up close.
Huddle up, let's go.
Come on! Come on.
OK, so Charlie's boys have a few games under their belts, but guess what? We're the complete package.
You know why? We got skills, experience, youth, height, and Mark.
- What? - Yeah.
Play hard, work together, - we'll have this in the bag.
- Yeah! Are we gonna let them drink this bar tab? - No! - Are we gonna get my car back? - Yeah! - OK! OK.
Let's do this for Zac.
Yeah! Come on! Get in there! Boo! Boo! You red maggots! Mum! What? Its atmospheric, its Melbourne.
Look, here they come.
Go Daddy, go! Go Daddy! Come on, baby! Give 'em the squirrel grip.
Hey.
Hey.
They're still talking.
I must say, Lucy's taking the news very well.
Yeah.
You haven't told her, have you? Bell's probably got a point.
Lucy's old enough to make up your own mind.
Team huddle, gotta go.
High-five, big man? - Ooh.
Blood bin! - I'm so sorry, I'm - I'm alright.
- Are you OK? Come on guys, let's go.
I got it, thanks mate.
Get to it.
Five points down, one minute to go! - Come on, baby.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go! Kick it! You're hot! You're hot! You know it, baby! Hey, I'll get those beers on ice, fellas.
I've got a thirst on.
- Good work, guys.
- Yeah, for a first game.
First and last.
Yeah, a bit more training and we'll come back and smash those guys, right Zac? You said you'd make it better.
Hey.
Let him go, Luce.
Boy stuff.
Listen, I know you feel responsible for everything, but you've got to do what's right for you.
And you know what that is, do you? She know more than she lets on.
Gemma! What do you know? I set up the New York job.
Look, I just made a few calls.
You still have to prove yourself.
But at least you'd be working towards something.
- Not - Justin.
- I didn't say that.
- You didn't need to.
Stop telling me how to live my life when you're not even in it.
Yeah, you were right.
I shouldn't have gotten involved.
I just want what's best for her.
Maybe I don't know her well enough to know what that is.
Of course you do.
We should have told her that she had a brother years ago.
We could never make that up to her now.
- Oh, God.
- Come here.
Come here.
No, it's So, Bell cooked up the job? So what? It's still a great opportunity.
We're talking New York.
You don't get two shots at these things.
Well, maybe you and the kids could come with me.
We'll wait for you.
Zac! Come on.
We gotta get you to your ballet recital.
Come on.
I'm not going.
- It's for pansies.
- Hey ignore Mr Cole.
He's one person.
Everyone in that audience thinks you're awesome.
- Yeah.
- Especially me.
I just keep remembering what he said.
What if I could make you forget him.
No, you can't.
I bet I can.
- No! - Sorry, no way.
I put my boots back on and you guys let me down.
You owe me.
It's time we smashed that clown where it hurts.
Will it help me get my car back? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Nepean South Dance-tacular.
We've got a last minute addition to the program today, the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.
I think I'll keep Mark's feminine side.
Thank you so much, everyone.
Just to let you know that the Mill Hotel is a ballet-friendly pub.
So, mums and their partners drink half-price tonight.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Shameless.
- It's called marketing.
Cosmos.
That's vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice.
These ballet mums are hardcore.
And they drink the expensive stuff.
If we keep this up, we might actually make some money.
Five beers.
We're thirsty after our victory.
And put it on the tab.
Sorry, mate.
I'd love to help but the tab is for post-footy drinks.
This is post-ballet.
So, we've got high-chairs.
We got a play corner.
And we got a kids menu, and in the parents room we've got a kettle for disinfecting bottles and we've got a microwave for heating up milk.
Lewis Crabb talking about breast milk.
I must've missed something.
About 12 years.
Those cocktails look good.
Excuse me.
Five more hours and she'll be on the plane back to London.
Where can I send you? Oh, listen Lucy.
I don't wanna go with you hating me.
I only ever wanted the best for you.
Is that why you left me for London? I just, I wanted to make you proud of me.
Make something of my life and I did and it paid off.
- Did it? - Yes.
It did.
And that's all I want for you.
Raising another woman's kids, you get all the hard stuff and none of the good bits.
Look.
It's my sorry.
Go on, open it.
Wow.
- I love it.
- Yeah? How did you know? A mother always knows.
Come here.
I love you.
Aunty Bell? Will you go on the swing with me? I love to swing.
Let's do it.
Hey, I think you need to take some little people home.
- After I've done dessert.
- I can do dessert.
- You can't cook! - Ice cream sundaes.
Even I can squirt chocolate topping on ice cream.
- I'll be quick.
- Kane, they're exhausted.
They have been here every night, while you've been running around like a lunatic.
I've got to keep moving, Abby.
I know, but you're going to have to stop one day.
They need you.
Aunty Bell, I can swing higher than you.
Is that right? Well, we'll have to see about that.
Won't we? Come on, Gem.
Give me a push.
Go on, give her a push, Mum.
I think that we should see about a cab to the airport.
Oh, no.
The flight doesn't leave till 12.
Got plenty of time.
Come on! OK.
You know, I think Lucy's enjoyed having us both around this week.
High-powered, entrepreneurial mum.
Normal, everyday mum.
Covers both bases, really.
Every day, that's me.
- Bell! - My foot.
Ow! Quick, quick, quick.
- I'm coming.
- Come on.
Hurry.
Nice going, Mr Mean.
Nobody messes with me.
Take me home, tough guy.
The boys settled? Yeah, for now.
So, New York.
I want a story.
I just read you one.
I want the one about volcanoes.
- Again? - I want Lucy to read it.
I'll be right there.
I guess you won't miss reading that story for the millionth time when you take the job.
I can't leave our kids.
You just said "our kids".
Yeah, I did.
Is that OK? It's more than OK.
Are you sure? Here over New York? All the good stuff's here.
I haven't been carried over a threshold since our wedding night.
Yeah, and we all know how that turned out.
Listen, the doctor said I was going to be fine.
Honestly, I can say at the hotel.
Look, it's the least I could do.